Friday, May 23, 2014

LEGAL HELP URGENTLY NEEDED. Every year men and women sign up to become soldiers ready to die for what they believe in. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE WITH THAT MENTALITY HERE. THE IRONY IS THAT I'VE HAD MY BRAIN INJURY LONG BEFORE THEY EVER EVEN PUT THEMSELVES IN THAT POSITION. The crux of what you are about to read is the journey I took carrying out my final wishes of driving across the United States. As children me and my sisters were seriously injured in a car accident and were not properly taken care of. These next 4 posts is a bare-bones but much better chronological order of all previous 61 posts. This blog starts out with some posts I made before embarking on my cross country journey on September 6, 2012. I returned from this journey in August 2013. You will read about my life situation as I dialogue in my posts either talking aloud or to other people and their words are sometimes indicated by quotes. If you are looking to see a specific part of my life, type in a word on page search. For example, if you would like to find out about me representing myself in court in the fiasco situation that finally broke all my life plans (for lack of specific phrase at this time), go to your page search on your particular browser (or I added a search box at the bottom of every blog post page) and type in "pro se" and enter. Mistakes do happen especially with me being mobile on the road so you might find something under "prose." If you would like to know for example anything I have to say about the surrogate's court, search for "surrogate" "surrogates" "surr" or "surrogate's." You will find that throughout this journey I talk multiple times about "final." Keep in mind I was an injured child with extremely deficient aftercare. Some of it was well meaning like keeping injured children away from dangerous medications and keeping a child away from "slow classes" with the belief that those kids grow up with no confidence and short changing their ambition in life. Although well-meaning, a pattern of neglect and reality denial will (or should based on my own view) come clear as well as ignorance of the American system but what's even more ignorant is the refusal to reach out for help of the situation. This was partly due to fear and partly due to pride. This medically neglected child was supposed to be dead long ago and obtaining legal help to fix this situation is urgently needed about 5 years ago. Every time I was ready to let go of this life something came along to keep me hanging on. As time goes on though, there is nothing more to hang onto. This blog is a work in progress based on my online availability. Enjoy and please step in to help as it is urgent. I have reached out to many avenues FAR AND WIDE for help and they all came to no avail.

some significant words are: "new friends" "medical" "seizure" "surr" "luongo" "claire" "survive" "apart" "nys" "falcon"

March 31st 2012
Welcome to the depths of my life. LOCOMOTOR TRAINING:

This is what I wanted to return home to my sister for. We are no longer in the 1970's but she is being treated that way and a Surrogate's judge in NJ would not allow my college degreed life to do this for my sister.

sorry all. I put this on my wall. I had no idea it would end up in Newsfeed.

April 12th 2012

April 17th 2012
I thought I just posted this.

April 26th 2012
time left for me if not hired:

April 30th 2012
Re-post this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don't want to go to prison. — with Romeo Boogieman.

May 21st 2012
As life winds down and I live in pain everyday from the injuries I received from police I finally got a response after a year from the latest attorney to evaluate my case. No justice. No peace:

"I declined taking your case and left you a voicemail message regarding this last year. I also followed up with a second message after I did not hear from you advising that your file is available for pickup. Unfortunately your situation is not the type of matter which I am willing to handle and you have been free to consult or retain any other counsel. Please advise when you can come get your materials.

Rafael O. Gomez, Esq.
LoTempio & Brown, P.C.
One Franklin Court
181 Franklin Street
Buffalo, New York 14202-2448
Phone:716.855.3761 ext.219
Fax:: 716.855.3437"

Let this guy sue me for putting this on facebook. I have nothing left to sue. I was raised by an uneducated immigrant woman who was completely taken advantage of by the system which in turn crashed my life into a wall and the wall is only getting closer and closer at 80 mph.

"It is good you put this on fb. We need to know these things. Now maybe a lawyer with a conscience?"

how ironic zach is working for NYPIRG. I just posted in the comment with Eric and Keisha that she faced discrimination based on race while working for CCE (NYPIRG) while I faced discrimination by CCE (NYPIRG) when they refused to hire me (based on disability). I emailed a lawyer before I had this guy but told him if he needs money from me it will take away from my survival for the next year.
the art of letting go... Did you get my resume this time?

If you know a lawyer that will go to bat pro bono for me please send them my way. I have nothing left to look forward to.

I emailed her. Doesn't sound promising though at least for her because she doesn't cover the geographical area where it happened. Who knows. yw for reminder. I'll ask again tomorrow if it's been given to anyone or anything.

that's from like 7 years ago. I've been in touch with Barrie for different things.

oh unless you mean about resources running out. I'm not sure she knows that. Not sure if it's important. All she can do about that is recommend I go on welfare.

I was never meant to go on welfare. Had things been done correctly when they were supposed to I wouldn't have to face "The unemployment picture is so bad here that employers are getting away with discrimination."
it's kind of like when you signed up willing to die for your country. i'm willing to die for my cause/protest

June 29th 2012

From a skim glance, the only thing you're not being told is the REAL reason. For example, why is almost the whole northern NY area big for Thyroid cancer? What besides radiation from god knows what causes thyroid cancer?

I also am in need of adequate legal representation over permanent shoulder injuries I sustained from police. I was asleep in my home and officers allowed themselves in and told me to tell the emergency room I was just joking. I was attacked by police while I was half asleep, forcibly medicated and forced to 3 different hospitals who never treated the shoulder sprain given to me by police. In the end the last hospital said "We think this was just one big misunderstanding and we have no reason to keep you." Please do something to help me also! Do I go to the media? This case has been in the hands of inappropriate legal counsel and i can no longer afford the monstrosity of attorney fees this will take.

Police Brutality Worse than Rodney King
Media contacts and more information:: Actual state police dashcam

August 15 2012      
Judy Blanco if you really need someone to bring you two forms of ID please let me know. I would take a side trip out of my future plans for you. This situation and the nice person you are calls for it. I may not be able to leave for at least 2 weeks - it's unpredictable. Last time I called your cell number your Cricket number was disconnected so just let me know.

ok keep me updated. For example today I printed out an alternate route in case I come down there to help out. It means I'd have to do what I have to do quickly coz there's no way I'm coming down there just to come back up here to and then leave.

I'd leave from down there.

September 3rd 2012     
How my departure from my local Occupy all started:

and was then followed by suppression of freedoms. hahaha Record kept.

September 10th 2012    
Didnt pay $20 2go2aquarium downstairs2watch poor things in captivity given shortened life expectancies from captivity4entertainment&observation purposes (mall of America - Bloomington MN)

Congel fever @ mall of America Bloomington mn. $30 f#!&%@g bucks for an electric scooter. U know the free kind u get at the grocery store? Almost 1/2 way done w/ bucket list. Ciked to visit local native reservation soon!

September 11th 2012   
No photo to upload bcoz of phone technology but Minnesota historical society has informed me they wouldnt b who they r w/o donations from the energy Co...if they only knew wut they were saying.MN doesn't have any shale gas plays. No danger of being fracked.

September 13th 2012  
Not really a surprise. family research 2day revealed a line of unique travelers later on and women who stayed in school early on. Lots more research to do.

and good jobs. karma's gonna suck4nys

September 17th 2012 
Having probs uploading vids from today's student debt march

Eventually I'll get there but occupiers were clearly discriminated against i.e. cited4trespass for ignoring order to stop smoking in people's plaza while video was taken of a non occupier smoking in plaza; forced to stop using chalk

September 19th 2012
This is as bad as when journalists rushed to click pictures as Lady Diana lay dying in a car instead of rushing to save her life...just as bad: See More...
China joins nations seeking treasure in warming Arctic
NUUK, Greenland —With Arctic ice melting at record pace, the world’s superpowers are increasingly jockeying for political influence and economic position in outposts like this one,.. (occupy Minneapolis, MN 9-17-12)

September 20th 2012
The air smells where I'm staying which is prob wut's making me so tired. This is 1 crnr of a massive factory less than 1/4 mile away w huge tanks all around&security gates&guards like Bristol Meyers squib. I wonder if security can hear experimental dogs barking like a guy I knew at BMS. At night it's lit up like a little city. investigating I saw a sign for Koch. Aha! Soon I'll be passing Mansanto Soybean research on my way to Walnut Grove. Aha! Laura Ingalls Wilder is prob turning in her grave.

Ok it's part of Koch industries. I found the camper encampment near one of its entrances interesting.

September 24th 2012
Wasnt a good day4photos btwn the sun and wind and getting caught fear. No gates or security surrounding Monsanto Soybean Research facility. Among the corn fields getting here to Redwood Falls is a billboard that asks "y r corn insects dropping like flies?" But no question "y is human DNA being altered a dime a dozen?"

it didnt seem like a visitable place especially by myself yet had I not been under time pressure traveling in daylight hours and driving to the unknown sounds great to make my presence known!

And 45 minutes west of that we have what shaped a lot of our lives reflecting back to a time of innocence. (Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum).

Wasnt a good day4photos btwn the sun and wind and getting caught fear. No gates or security surrounding Monsanto Soybean Research facility. Among the corn fields getting here to Redwood Falls is a billboard that asks "y r corn insects dropping like flies?" But no question "y is human DNA being altered a dime a dozen?"

September 25th 2012
Sd has lots of these hilly mtns. Another change in plans based on things I wanted to see indicated by my newest piece of "jewelry" dreamcatcher by mae stone at navahoe nation. Tomorrow I dont think I can resist finding hwy 66 around here for the wildlife drive thru. Morning only. Not interested in mount Rushmore - violently defacing nature for what?

September 26th 2012
Yellowstone is over there someplace. It's not on my itinerary to visit. Maybe some other time if I'm meant to survive via a job that will keep me above water level. Just like if I make it back I'm going South off 80/90 and investigating kokomo Indiana. Just had some Jehovah' witnesses stop by and some polite conversation to save the literature for someone else as I've come to learn bout the pineal gland of the brain and lost books of the Bible, aka withheld information that has withstood the test of time :-s

Looooong lines of coal cars go hand in hand w all the many mining operations constantly turning on the roadside of 90. I pulled into a hardees pkg lot to finish off my subway sandwich after using the restroom and this was the sight in procession. When I came out it was starting to end and another started in the opposite direction lasting 5-7 minutes. Now there's another long procession of coveted tankers again. Ugh.

If u get to Mitchell sd be sure to go here to Indian village. They uncovered 1/2 million viewable artifacts in 2.5 hours -doing so for the next 10 years- and evidence shows they werent killed off by white men but rather ran out of resources. In digging conversation w this guy I was able to educate and direct wut would otherwise be a pro-hydrofracking veteran.

:))) hi Brenda! I'm now in Gillette Wyoming bout to post coal trains. Ur postcard is coming soon. I know you said WY! I might wait til I get to cheyenne though

September 27th 2012
Good horse owners! just like the family dog on a long trip needs exercise so do horses here in cheyenne Wy. Far cry from the pig factory located beside 90 in Worthington MN.

not sure if I can include multiple photos for 1post fr Fone so picked most intriguing fr wildlife drive thru. Cant sleep since I mentioned Potsdam. Been awake since 3am. Anyway this is a bear that parked herself by the bus passenger tire until she felt like moving which she has every right to do. These darlings are way more pent up than I thought. When mama bear started coming my way though I hauled ass. She doesnt know I was just totally spoofed by the PAC of wolves (coyotes?) that had just encircled my car. Actually they were just doing their daily ritual of dipping in the pool of water to the left of me one by one and then running about their day to the bears acr road to right of me. I just happened to be in the way. From here started to drive near Culver's circle but turned back to cont road trip. I have to remember this is my bucket list not joy ride w the last of wut I have and then no more me unless surrog court miracles happen or I'm employed at a price I can afford. Road to Culver's circle is lot like Adirondacks only more hilly and massive.

September 28th 2012
Driving thru these makes the Adirondacks baby mtns. The government's underground operation several football fields long lined w computers that record every phone call in the country is located from the west to midwest but there's so much of a vast basin of land to do so in the west. they must have sumthing else planned. Same helicopter sound flying over as Casper WY. Wut's all that white stuff around bodies of water that looks like morning dew but it has warmed up so cant be.
September 30th 2012
Still trying to figure this damn phone but Michael Burke this is one of the videos. Check my profile for the other on my timeline. Ogalala Sioux Pine Ridge Hemp Project

Nearly a decade ago one North American Indian tribe dared to pass a tribal law allow the growing of industrial hemp for many useful items,...

I thought nothing of this store sign until I went inside & all the signs had English translation smaller underneath. salt lake city has a huge Mexican population unexpectedly. In almost every business I been in can hear bilingual English-Spanish conversations. When I studied w 2mormons yrs ago they taught me their belief that black people are wut they are becoz of their sin pointing out a Bible reference. Obvious2me Joseph Smith was a prophet of his own time period in America (1800's? - dont quite remember).

October 1st 2012
Doing some more family research and the Mormon bldgs r so elegant it makes u wonder. Merrill lynch is physically attached. The guy that helped me thought I'd already left when he started talking about me. The only thing that hurt was being referred to as a heavy set woman. My mother doesnt care to know the damage she did as a child in having my metabolism slowed down after 8 months in a hospital never able to accept the image looking back. C.s. And some others may see that as a pity party unable to see the emotional damage &no-fault insurance for children, &catholic school,&isolation...if only some knew the outstanding magnitude of damage done. I knew that truck driver from Ripley NY was 1/2 full of it last nite telling me I look good &shouldn't have a prob getting a man. He even said he wants a girl but this fat arthritic woman is continuing childless unless a soul mate guaranteed to care for us both. Not likely at this point. I have zilch to save my a$$

October 2nd 2012
Imagine waking up to this view everyday. Today I came across a woman w an Irish name &long reddish hair yet she looked Italian & spoke like she's from NYC minus a heavy accent. When I was innocent &17 I got burned beyond recognition by one of these actresses. Not saying she's one - ITS just a pattern I've always come to make note of. Lesson learned in reverse is u dont ignore a child's medical life and do shit thinking they can handle as an adult. Irreversible damage done and perception altered in knowing how to handle situations.

I don't need peace. I need a job or I won't survive. My debt is $70,000: about $52,000 in federal student loans and the rest credit cards I'm living off of. I was never ever supposed to wind up idling like I did. Thanks anyway. Maybe the desert will swallow my fate . This shot is overlooking Salt Lake City. These people wake up to this everyday.

October 6th 2012
My Honda has a tune up 4spark plugs @105,000miles. I'm driving down the highway&the check engine light comes on@56,910miles approx. (no typo). I get it to the nearest Honda dealer who finds a foul spark plug. just b4the work is done he explains to me that Honda has changed the maintenance schedule the year after mine. What happens is that to save gas while on cruise control one or more cylinders(s) will close&so plugs get dirty more easily from gas or whatever. Now that the plugs r changed the fan is coming on more often. I was going to be on the road tomorrow but think I should have this looked at first. Do I take this up w the Honda who sold me the car&never told me, Honda corporate who never told me bout the maintenance change, or syracuse Honda who readied my car 4 this trip &never told me?

there's a question at end. I'm seeking ur answers

please read & reply \comment

I guess that means I'm here til Monday? the fan coming on a lot doesnt mean there's anything to reset. I just dont want to drive a car far if there's a possible overheating issue which fan on alot prob means that
2004 Honda accord coupe bought in January 2011 w only 31,000 miles on it. new plugs were put on as a result of check engine

October 7th 2012 
I spoke to 1 person in Utah bout hydrofracking who asked "what's that?" surprisingly since there is an apparent anti movement there as well as fracking victims. He must have been not long out of highschool&worked where I was waking up that had a TV on w bits of the pres debate. Comments on nrg independence caught my attn. Ideally I need to go to every state &open my big mouth about this very serious issue. No way4me to do that but would if I could.

Take note of what these mountains look like surrounding the great salt lake bcoz man is prob about to violently deface them.

October 8th 2012
Think this is the grand canyon in or behind those mtns. Dont know if I'll head over there. Will have no service traveling thru. If dont hear from me being in or after the dead zone, will make a great CSI episode. Boo!
Well that was scary. If I never see the grand canyon I wont miss it. If speed limit was only 35 would have been better instead of trucks and traffic barreling behind u w huge intimidating boulders held back from the hilly road. some have caves which reminded of the madoc tribe that used to live among the lava beds in n'n California until my shameful ancestors. Then it's desert w cactii which reminded me of a group of women I heard of that would live in structures in desert to escape their abusive police officer husbands coz 1ce they gave their Ss# away, abusive husbands could easily find them.

October 9th 2012
Price of gas in Barstow California. IsNT this where Erin brockovitch hung Goliath by his balls? I'm good@that but no1will hire me in nys. Maybe 1statement is synonymous w the other.

I'm almost 2the end of my bucket list. I'm bout to lose my NYC sirius xm radio trial & this morn on wltw heard bout work from home. Can only do that if ensured no scam&help setting up. The state knows this.

I'm not sure about Barstow now but on the coast prices currently range from $3.57 for regular to $3.70/gallon for regular.

When I was 19 and starting college I remember the price for super in Nj at Mobil was $1.19/gal for regular. Once you got into Upstate NY the price per gallon super was never under $2.65? I dont know how that lopsidedness is figured out outside of secret communism but for the few full service stations in NYS you have to pay more for gas if someone else pumps it.

We're spoiled in Nj but by the same token my life wasn't supposed to spiral downward the way it did. I may have learned a lot about life outside of what I'm familiar but the price paid is more like deadly.

October 10th 2012
Phone problems

things r not going smoothly here. Allan I just might ask u 2help me a tad. Staying@travel centers is way better than this deal. Took advantage of the free15min stay on this pier. so about that underwear hanging here's at least the start: in high school my sis's nickname was rocco. The woman who burned me as a teen went by either Jean Rocco or jay lori &lived in same town we crashed. B4 she burned me told me she had ties2the mafia.seeing my prudish reaction made it out to be absolutely nothing. Her supposed granddaughter named magna ricotta went2my hs for awhile while I was there& seems apparent to me2c if it was worthwhile that when I turned 18 filing a claim as an injured infant neglected leaving me running on a treadmill 4life rather than proper care&knowledge of my injury. If I'm going on 2much that is the precise reason doctors have put in writing I need to work 2keep the mind immigrant mother has cited how "Italian mamas" make it in life. I'm not sure if they approached her or she did them after my oldest sister was given a court order she wasnt allowed back. Nothing done mother doesnt remember grabbing me by the hair &shaking me under stress. No bruises or see-able damage was done so nothing ever done. During these same important years my request to learn a musical instrument or take tap dance lessons went ignored until my father died. In other words my welfare was used as a weapon to get back at him4moving her poor uneducated self out to the rich suburbs...

Bucket list complete. Now it's a matter of short time to see what will happen to me.1of3things needs to happen. 1. Successful overthrow of wut NYS has done to me beginning w Pam dority and Stephen novatchich of the Malone Vesid (now access vr) office 2. Successful overthrow of the Morris county NJ surrogates court under judge Deanne M Wilson who has requested to retire after dealing w my case (more to come on that point which will be hanging out a lot of underwear). 3. The acceptance of dmt release from the pineal gland of my brain which will give me an out of body experience and most likely a good experience being greeted by loved ones that have died.

October 11th 2012
At least my hasslers havent carried thru so far. 1st pic yesterday from pkg lot guy approached&told me pkg not free but said he'd give Me a few; pulled over to look@map when noticed police electric car behind me, pulled beside me telling me she giving me ticket. I protested & she crumpled receipt telling me had to leave (hope it doesnt wind up in my mailbox in NY); then this morn approached by McDonalds security but allowed me to finish charging phone. Simply irritating w/o a travel center. Hope I see dolphins. Prob not this close to shore.Sumthing will work out I guess...wish that were the case w debt/job.

October 12th 2012
2nd time not so bad. Sat on this end seat for45mins feeling the slight sway but nature will break wut doesnt bend. Realized on ride back y there's so many old beetle bugs on the road. Learned from a woman who is also losing her life to NYS govt that this climate doesnt use road salt so vehicles dont rust and go bad like they do back east

And I got my first positive input about "let us farmers grow hemp" bumper sticker by a guy who just wanted to tell me I'm right.

Yep people fish there but only in certain spots. 1/2 way walking back saw a scuba diver come up and walk to shore.

It was scary walking down this pier but being that I dedicate myself thru w all things I set out on I got myself thru it w "dont look down." Every time my foot would hesitate by either a small opening in the boards or a loose board I flipped thru chances are scenarios. If by chance the pier did give way w me on it I'm a goner 4sure. There's no way my body can handle the shock of the water temperature. Same reason I want a shirt 4everyday wear that says "if u want me dead just taser me."

My body can't handle the shock. Next time I know to just spit on the God damn cop to go to jail instead of poisoned by the medical community. I'm guessing their mission is accomplished when I'm dead. No1will hire me now &according to some that shit follows u only compounded by inadequate legal representation.

October 13th 2012
Behind the scenes bridging heaven & earth. All shows free on YouTube or vimeo. Could be uploading a video but need to get to get that figured out still.

Thnx for the well wishes. Stuff back together? Prob not :-s

Allan luck would have it 2day is the worst day!!!! My old alarm phone fell out in my car overnight. I have my stuff strewn all over Denny's pkg lot. I can hear it but cant get to it. This phone is dying.Come help if u can!!! This sucks!

was answg u b4 and inet connection broke. see wut I mean!? I've waited months to go to this show taping of Bridging Heaven and Earth. now I'm a stink pot! how am I going to get there by 12 pm?? I just want to sob and bitch and moan and ...

my phone will melt in car if I don't find it in time. I will lose more teeth if I dont find or buy my mouth guard which fell out looking for phone bcoz I grind my teeth at night. just a mess

Thanks for your support Chris! It really takes some pressure off. Phone was found. I just had to waste $35 for a new (non-medical guard) until I tear my car apart again and search for the needle in a haystack. Hope all is well with you. Got message about forwarding to Occupy SD but it must have been done by now by one of the fellow SD Occupiers.

October 16th 2012
And wut r these for? And camper trailers why? Drive up the mtns &it's the Angeles national forest high above the dammed lake below.

I dont understand why these 2signs r side by side. Just down the road where the mtns begin there's a big inviting sign saying California paintball park" which is the same inviting sign near the hwy for all to see. However the same jail sign is by the gated entrance. It had open gates but I hauled ass on my 2nd attempt to enter seeing that a white SUV put its backup lights on. In the other direction is a security booth w gates &the jail sign. A woman exiting was very confused y I was there I felt prompted to tell her I was just turning around.

October 17th 2012
Well they're definitely drilling in castaic Calif. This rusty drill was not operating@1pm p.s.t. today but the 3 drills I posted last nite r right across the road, lake castaic w resevoir is nearby and the Angeles national forest is in the background.

hahaha I just lost an entire post to you! I started snooping around when a post by Bram Fractivista Loeb reminded me about fracking in California. The article alluded to how Californians don't know when or where fracking is happening. Well I'm able to expose at least one potential spot but I'm still scrounging for the shale map. It's near here but not sure if this is included. I still can't understand why there is a jail sign next to the Gas Company Gate 2 sign and why a jail is built around an oil extraction area. Which came first - the chicken or the egg? *shrug* Their drilling but not sure if they're hydrofracking. Just south of here on the side of Rte 5 is a big yellow pipe going into the ground in 2 spots

October 19th 2012
Peter S. Kahrmann I need witnesses to this. Mrs. geruso at the social Security ofc is well aware that not only cant I pay back the money they're coming after me for but that I'm executing my bucket list because even if they do give me back $236/month they're w holding I wont survive w/o a job for the$1300 in bills I have a month. The case was given to Mrs Tanney who left me a msg on the wrong phone # that I agreed to pay back at$236/month. This is how innocent people like me are going to die.

the drug addict that raised me is unchanging even now. still doesnt comment or admit she doesnt know wut to do. completely in denial about any direction in life she ever gave me.

it's hard to describe how my mother exists. kind of like that song "we are young". one time sum1 was brutally honest w me in saying how I come across:as if on drugs. that explains wut I've inherited when overwhelmed. she now doesnt matter. it's too drug-laden.

it does matter but these days I'm too comfortably numb to get it all out. it's real easy to die in the desert. I just need to figure out which desert. I should write a blog. this doesn't belong here.

October 23rd 2012
If only people grasped the breadth & depth of the inappropriateness that raised me. Out of the depths of the nook-and-cranny guidance comes "y not live on welfare. Lots of people do." However if brought up at the wrong time the answer will be "I never said that." Whichever way the trend is going. Lots of immigrants slither their way into fitting in but in this case it will cost a life in the end. Tic toc

In addition to the ironies posted on my timeline I took 2 people's suggestion that while stranded here I should try to get some work. Sent my resume to a national company I work for now and again in ny. never heard back like she said I would so I called again today leaving a voice mail. Nothing even yet. This happened to Carl Lowenstein who is originally from Palo Alto California, worked for 99hits in Potsdam quitting 99hits over ethnic slurs and left to live a life of eating some days until someone's underwear got totally hung out in public. Last time I saw Carl he had an appt at the dptmt of labor in massena which must have been 10 years ago. The things people dont know that go on in places where a whole lot of attention is not given so laws not enforced,etc!

An old man turned 98. He won the lottery...the irony...8.5 hrs before a car claimed 3 lives in Syracuse I had a careless hit&run California driver ram into the back of me but was completely visible enough to read off the license plate to 911. I initially didnt say anything bcoz this is an insurance &criminal investigation. Then I was shocked awake the next morning by the news of Keisha. Ironic I'm in bucket mode &still here. Ironic my hit happened under completely avoidable circumstances. Ironic the other side is probably unconcerned bcoz hit&runs r at the bottom of the da's priorities. Ironic bcoz I'm a visiting NY driver so it really goes to the bottom of the list - haha THEY underestimate my drive - pardon pun...and the list goes on. You know that witch in a broom factory geico commercial? Ironic. If I had a protector or defender I might not have my hands tied to do anything. Ironic I drove clear across the country - wut so many were so worried about - yet I eas fine until 4days into California drivers. Being from Nj I've lived w the"cant drive" stigma but after being in California I'd have to say it's not a NJ thing. I'm sure SPC wouldn't mind replacing my bumper stickers to
carry on the message but there's no way to get them to me that I know of.

My deductible $500. The remaining $1,700 bill went to insurance bcoz not only did I lose the bumper but the frame,etc had to be fixed.

You fixed cars or were an insurance salt salesman? 

Ah. I also have a pic of the driver-side rear panel sticking out from when she wailed into me. I had a dream about Keisha this morn that her&i were hanging out talking bout everyday stuff when a big rat scurried cross the floor btwn us. The rat prob represents recent accusations

Damn fone...that were never true to begin with.

October 24th 2012
Unless Steven Lewis is flying here I guess he's not coming. I'm an hour away from Oakland &should be getting there by 9am to scope out parking, etc. tomorrow's my real birthday so I thought I'd do something other than wait for a work call.

There's many of these signs along Rte 5 from castaic to here. Google image map Rt 5 just north of 199 separation and u might see mining alongside fruit&vegetable trees. Ugh!

October 25th 2012
I spoke to Scott Olsen before speaking out. Maybe it's on YouTube already.

They have ropes to lasso us up like animals?

What r the ropes for? Lassoed up like animals?

There they go. maybe they just trying to look sexy one protestor has a gas mask on w good reason.
Steven I'm sitting w a medical walker near where they're chalking (this is when I was confusing Steven Lewis with Ray Lewis and was looking for an old guy among the protestors lol).

I'm about to walk over to occupy Oakland. If possible I will write & read a prepared statement.
shit load of cops going my way!

October 26th 2012
That was awesome! Occupiers were the drill seargants and the police were the humiliated ones! U rock occupy Oakland! Now I just need to unplug this phone soon & get back to u.

well the bucket list is complete since I'm here. I left some key people voice mails to know if there's a reason to come back - a paying job enough to cover $1300 in bills per month. Even in california I'm
damn library laptop! Even in California I'm not getting a call back for jobs. I don't know if you saw my post about Potsdam but yes Carl Lowenstein even when he would apply for jobs out of the area someone in Potsdam ruined his reputation where ever he went. Maybe that's the case with me. I'm trying to find the clip of me speaking at Occupy Oakland but no luck yet.

There's a 5 hour upload to youtube but the recorder walked away from the event just for the time frame that people were speaking after GA which is when I did.

October 27th 2012
The Kahrmann Blog: Twenty-Eight Years Ago Today
The Kahrmann Blog: It’s time to say goodbye to BIANYS’ Avner
and the same to be said for a lot of these other agencies set up to supposedly help rather than hinder the disabled.

October 28th 2012
In contrast to frankenstorm not a cloud in the sky here. Now I totally get it why u swim sideways in a rip current - that's how surfers stay standing on their boards. Didnt feel or hear a thing as far as earthquake.

October 30th 2012
this is exactly what I mean about the medical money making merry-go-round. How long has Parkinson's Disease been in existence? When did the spirit of Acid Reflux descend upon the earth? I'm sure we have a Parkinson's Disease Foundation right? Man has created this problem on himself by living unnaturally and then boasts job creation within a foundation created only by the destruction itself. Nice job!

Monsanto’s Roundup, Glyphosate Linked to Parkinson’s Disease

October 31st 2012
Sounds like me to all the adults around me growing up. My meltdown has arrived. There's a little bit of time left to save me.

November 1st 2012
I will post more on this another time but I want to pay tribute to a woman a victim of chauvanistic and medical experimentation of her time - Rosemary Kennedy. Reading how a botched lobotomy became rejected by the mental health field explains the stupidity of the mhf opposed to injured brains. There is no fucking mystery of mh. There is injured brains due to our air, land, water, & technology.

November 2nd 2012
Yesterday around this time I saw a school of something just beyond where the waves crest. It could have been seals. My untrained eye cant tell if it was dolphins but it stayed low to the water barely coming out the water revealing the back(s) of something. I'm stalling in California until I have 1of2messes cleared up. I'm 2 hrs from Rte 80 so I get the guarantee I have a way to survive, I'll be home in about a week. Otherwise found a spot to perish along the way.

November 3rd 2012
for the record I'm not sure wut to say to these people that pop up the longer I stay places. was at the library the other day& saw a guy 4 2nd time who after watched what I was doing on puter asked me about it. Then tonight guy in same car in morning asked me if I want to sell my hubcaps! I'm about to change my pkg space! Stop bothering me! I'm on my bucket list for God sake! It's true God works in people & maybe these people arent bad ... Wutever I just want to b left alone and not have my perception confused.

running out of funds quicker than expected. I'm lucky if I last 2 (two) months.

November 4th 2012
Ah when the human surfers are gone that's when the school of about 4 or 5 fin-backed creatures come around and start riding the waves. I've heard of a dolphin in wild rite next to surfer. These docile creatures r yet another reminder to protest & cease all underwater testing by the govt.couldn't get pic w phone. Yesterday a guy who makes a living in a band said he saw them. Now I know wut he saw.

November 6th 2012
The incompetent Irish immigrant just hung up on me refusing to call the Surrogate's Court and find wut she did wrong w my welfare. She only ever starting hanging up on me after her brain washed Way International child told her to regarding this guardianship. The rope is getting tighter. This loose cannon who deceived all in Nj would never have gotten away w this child abuse in nyc. I understand that NYC way of life that would have been on top of her game. I did 1/2 of kindergarten illegally in NYC and the price paid was me being wailed into a tractor trailer truck carrying gravel. Normally I'd be on a rampage but I have no way left to survive as I can see now. Wont someone intervene? I was an above average student before accident but butler schools refused me admission until I was 5 so my mother drove me to NYC everyday for kindergarten until I turned 5 having me recite address of my aunt in queens. I dont know wut's holding me down right now.

November 11th 2012
As I check funds I'll be around for 12/21/12 but not much longer after. Maybe the journalist I've been in touch w will be able to help. I wish was easier to navigate. Have contacted them one way. Tomorrow's another day to contact a diff way.

November 13th 2012
This will sound bizarre but rumors about me being racist didnt work and neither will bathroom rumors. Just got "checked up on by a manager in the bathroom and then followed outside w their phone in hand as I left. I sense wut something very evil in Potsdam is and I'm looking back at you!

November 14th 2012
Adolph Hitler discovered and reported this to all the other human experimenter nations at the time. Alcoa and other big companies perpetuated the lie so as to not defame their reputation.

Pineal Gland -- Our Third Eye: The Biggest Cover-Up in Human History

Pineal Gland -- Our Third Eye: The Biggest Cover-Up in Human History

November 15th 2012
I need mine taken care of really soon.

Why Occupy's Plan To Cancel Consumer Debts Is Brilliant

November 17th 2012 

Does anyone know how to navigate Their website directed me to file w consumer finance protection bureau. I did that and they cant help my situation. I've emailed even though they state they cannot help individuals get rid of debt. Please help before the red tape suffocates me before my 2 months left of survival are up.

help individuals get rid

November 20th 2012
Ok pgs 19&20 apply to me in the debt resistors manual. I would have 9 months to see if this works for me - 3mos to default and 6 mos to be hounded. By then it would be August that if I decide I have something to return to on the east coast tornado season will be near over. I've had a time before where I had to wait 5 yrs for too many inquiries were on my report - from those inquiries I learned I didnt qualify bcoz I didnt have enough revolving credit. Now I have too much debt.

Manual doesnt talk about liens from cc debt or car repossession. I can live w lien on house but handicapped status cant survive w/o car. Still mulling this over. Atleast w/o paying this mo I can pay both insurances. Need to catch up on behind utility bills next mo. Still looking into this. Btw I got my manual free yesterday bcoz w all my pgs was asked if it's for school or work &said "well it's for life...the occupy wall street and strike debt?" She waved me on so I got to keep my $5.60

November 13th 2012
This will sound bizarre but rumors about me being racist didnt work and neither will bathroom rumors. Just got "checked up on by a manager in the bathroom and then followed outside w their phone in hand as I left. I sense wut something very evil in Potsdam is and I'm looking back at you!

November 14th 2012
Adolph Hitler discovered and reported this to all the other human experimenter nations at the time. Alcoa and other big companies perpetuated the lie so as to not defame their reputation.

Pineal Gland -- Our Third Eye: The Biggest Cover-Up in Human History

Pineal Gland -- Our Third Eye: The Biggest Cover-Up in Human History

November 15th 2012
I need mine taken care of really soon.
Why Occupy's Plan To Cancel Consumer Debts Is Brilliant

November 17th 2012 
Does anyone know how to navigate Their website directed me to file w consumer finance protection bureau. I did that and they cant help my situation. I've emailed even though they state they cannot help individuals get rid of debt. Please help before the red tape suffocates me before my 2 months left of survival are up.
help individuals get rid

November 20th 2012
Ok pgs 19&20 apply to me in the debt resistors manual. I would have 9 months to see if this works for me - 3mos to default and 6 mos to be hounded. By then it would be August that if I decide I have something to return to on the east coast tornado season will be near over. I've had a time before where I had to wait 5 yrs for too many inquiries were on my report - from those inquiries I learned I didnt qualify bcoz I didnt have enough revolving credit. Now I have too much debt.

Manual doesnt talk about liens from cc debt or car repossession. I can live w lien on house but handicapped status cant survive w/o car. Still mulling this over. Atleast w/o paying this mo I can pay both insurances. Need to catch up on behind utility bills next mo. Still looking into this. Btw I got my manual free yesterday bcoz w all my pgs was asked if it's for school or work &said "well it's for life...the occupy wall street and strike debt?" She waved me on so I got to keep my $5.60

November 21st 2012 
Ok so they're going to start out by zip code according to the worst hit areas during the recession. If some areas were never ahead, how can they be seen as the worst hit? They did test run that worked. $500 forgave $14,000 of debt. I would like to know those specifics of what kind of debt that was, etc.

I do this sometimes so if anything happens my famous last words were w someone. Atleast I know the place i'm staying has a reputation of being snooty which makes total sense considering the unwavering stares i've gotten from people. Wutever I grew up around that stuff. Sumday they'll get it snooty isnt worth it. I didnt have any witnesses when I was deceived by police and then assaulted. famous last words before this were messages to gov Christie reguarding the judge he wouldnt allow to retire after getting me in this predicament instead of saving the life of the child of a lying Irish immigrant.

November 23rd 2012
Waiting on a girl I just met in the bathroom who was crying over family problems. She said she'd come right out to give me the name of a church helping her out. Dont know if she's actually going to show. She has twin girls Hayley and cayley. Not here yet and I have to go to sleep soon. She said I'm not in a good pkg lot but I said I've been here before and if it's my time to go then that's that. Her boyfriend works at kwikstop a couple doors over. Being from NY/Nj I'm innately more suspicious.

I do this sometimes so if anything happens my famous last words were w someone. Atleast I know the place i'm staying has a reputation of being snooty which makes total sense considering the unwavering stares i've gotten from people. Wutever I grew up around that stuff. Sumday they'll get it snooty isnt worth it. I didnt have any witnesses when I was deceived by police and then assaulted. famous last words before this were messages to gov Christie regarding the judge he wouldnt allow to retire after getting me in this predicament instead of saving the life of the child of a lying Irish immigrant.

December 10th 2012
Just witnessed a whale from on land. Saw water going up from the blow hole and its tail going straight down just like in the pics. Then my own conscience ruined the moment by realizing it probably just came around for a meal. This time everyday I'd see a school of dolphins swim the opposite way. Yesterday saw a sea otter cruising full speed down the bay on its back chomping on something big it held in its flippers but dont know if whales eat otters. Four days ago watched a harbor seal in its last hours of life picking its head and tail up for a wave but too exhausted to hop its way further up on the beach. It's body was still slumped on the rocks yesterday. The tide is in but I think it's still too onshore for the whale to get to. Will find out later if it's still there.

If I have to leave I'll leave tomorrow morning. Just let me get a full nights sleep officer.
I don't know why ur parked horizontally behind me in vertical spots.
there's a truck next to me for the night as well. let me be for the night. whew! I think he's gone.
making last famous words in case I get assaulted by another police officer.
I can hear a poor lonely dog barking inside the truck of a guy that's here every nite while its owner works on a laptop inside. pup ran to me one nite to say hello.

December 12th 2012
today's other options didn't work out. One place had crappy parking with a bathroom that reminded me of something out of Friday the 13th. One place doesn't have a bathroom because it's behind locked gates at a certain time. Another place would charge me almost $30 to park overnight. If I park my car away and walk it's a cheaper option - not going to happen. You know I wonder if I get a sex change and pretend I'm gay if that will work. That way I'm still my natural heterosexual self (meaning I'm not homosexual) and life is that much easier for me to do a lot more because I pee standing up - otherwise I get arrested for indecent exposure. Sounds like a plan! *sigh*

I am better off dead than changing my environment like this. Got my subtle boot from where I've been staying so I'm back where the Hailey and cayley girl was crying in the bathroom over family. At least I have 2 new contacts out of it who I've seen there every night so just went up and talked to them. I'm not going to be able to handle that lack of consistency in one spot but they gave me some options I can look into tomorrow.

December 13th 2012
You can also help out any Honda owners to know about the bogus 2013 recall. It's not necessarily a hose problem but a spark plug redesign problem. Maybe this will repost to the OSR page. it could have been removed by the same person who tried to correct me that fema is not a problem.

Brian here - I need to get a hold of someone who works for Ford Motors or a Ford dealer, a junkyard, transmission shop, or auto parts place that sells transmissions. I have a family that needs some help...and I fully intend on helping them so everyone please share this...its Christmas and WE ALL need to share this. Anyone who works at any of these places or knows of someone please contact me via private message on the Operation Sandy page or contact me personally on Facebook, Brian Borchik, and I will tell you what I am looking for help with. This is YOUR chance to help us help a family in need.

typo fixed version: CORPORATE AMERICA: I bought a used 2004 Honda w 32,000 miles on it and an owner's manual that shows the schedule for changing spark plugs at over 100,000 miles. After driving the car extended periods at the 2000 miles mark the check engine light starts flashing which means DONT DRIVE THE CAR but being that I was 70 miles from the nearest Honda in the middle of no place in Utah there wasn't much I could do. The light turned solid on my way to the dealer which is better news. after doing a diagnostic the dealer tells me I need new spark plugs and goes on to explain to me the flaw in my model
that was changed a year or two later because during extended travel to save on gas some of the cylinders stay closed and oil got onto the spark plugs of the cylinders that stay closed. I decided to visit Honda corporate in Torrance CA when I was reaching my destination with my foul spark plugs in hand as well as the Utah receipt that states they see this on a regular basis from Hondas on extended travel. Honda corporate admitted to me they redesigned the spark plugs but passed their dirty work off to Marion in customer service to tell me that, no matter what, because of the age it has passed they're not covering it. they've been informed my engine fan is coming on more often since the spark plug change. Honda recently covered up this flaw by doing a recall on all 2004-2007 V6 models citing hose could get too hot and leak and cause a fire under extended travel. I just left a Voicemail w one of the managers I met w not to pass his dirty work off to Marion, gave my mother's address and phone # who paid for it, and said I'm in the process of smearing Honda's reputation all over Facebook. PLEASE SHARE THIS WITH ALL POSSIBLE. oh and the dealer I bought the Honda from had the balls to tell my mother I got ripped off in Utah (not knowing the price on the receipt included an oil change) but no clear comment on how spark plugs dont need to be changed before 100,000 miles. Marion has made it clear that if I get damaged spark plugs again at the 2000 mile mark on my way back, Honda's not covering it.

December 15th 2012
Any ideas on how to get an important message out to all occupies without being considered spam? From mobile I was posting about using hemp to solve the plastics toxicity problem and it wont let me post saying I've been reported as spam.

Patience! Standing in line before ready to go about my day and hear the old guy in front of me who joined his two friends already there "that girl sitting in the front...what just sits there all day? the cops...what's wrong with her?" held my tongue as I so badly wanted to say "uh I was comatosed for a month as a child and left to be a child left behind in catholic school and a mother emotionally unavailable so here I am in this strange land after executing my bucket list because I wont survive past the next 9 or so months due to people like you who instead of intervening when witnessing craziness simply retreated into ur gossip circle or wutever, w all due respect my elder." Before leaving I looked him right in the eye as I walked past and he looked back. Good! U should be able to do so when ur guilty.

December 16th 2012
 OMG the reckless and sweet sounding guardian just called me up w her denial, pomposity, and asshole ways that will turn me into a skeleton in about 9 months. I've even called adult advocacy and protection for me and they cant/refuse to help/intervene. The woman called me up to know my mailing adress in California. As always she is NOT listening. Atleast I'm going to die during the age of social media where all I have are written records of what has transpired! She has been told every time she has brought it up that I am either returning to a situation I can survive in on the east coast or I'm not surviving. She then goes onto to say wut all other people are doing knowing those people were not comatosed for a month in their lives. She then goes onto say wut she did when she was 16 reminded again it wasnt getting thru the American school system w an undiagnosed injury. I've never acted thru on the thought of killing my parent yet this is my prison sentence.Go figure.

December 17th 2012
and also since I cant' post on fb currently I'll put it here. The Monterey Aquarium is open every day of the year except Christmas. Monterey Bay Whale Watching which takes you on a boat ride into the ocean to see marine life in their natural habitat is also year round. Which will you pay money to support?
What does it take to train a dolphin? It takes:
1. Removing a dolphin from the wild. In Taiji, this means that they also have to watch their "less attractive" family members be slaughtered. Only dolphins without scratches, scars and of a certain age and species get chosen for captivity.
2. Containing them in an artificial environment.
3. Starving them so that they will finally feed from dead fish (dolphins only eat live prey in the wild).
4. Waiting to see if they will survive the trauma of 1-3 (many die, like the pilot whale who we know died at Dolphin Base earlier in this hunt season).
5. Once they are willing to take dead fish because they are literally starving to death, they will then be forced to perform for such food.
6. Because the fish are frozen, they therefore become dehydrated. In the wild, dolphins gain hydration from the live fish that they consume. In captivity, they are force fed water by tubes.
7. Removing dolphins from their natural family groupings and forcing them to create an artificial pod. This means that sometimes they don't get along with the other dolphins that are in the same pens. The result is fighting and social isolation.
8. Many dolphins appear to grieve. They isolate themselves socially and stay in one position (a behaviour that is not natural). Others become so bored that they adopt behaviours similar to elephants in zoos, rocking left to right. In the dolphin's case they find rubbish and try to play with it or stay in one position looking out to sea.
9. Once there is total submission, due to boredom, breaking of wild spirit and starving, they have to perform. It is so sad to see a once wild dolphin perform tricks for the trainer's attention, in the hope that they will be fed. The trainers think it is because the dolphins love them. It is because they are hungry and want to impress for additional food.
10. After several months, a buyer will come. Once the financial transaction is complete, the transfer begins. This involves harnessing the dolphin, dragging it in a sling by boat to the area near the Fisherman's Co-Op (where the dolphins are butchered). They are then transferred via crane to very small containers that are then transported several hours to the nearest airport. They can then be flown all around the world, with this taking several days with transfers. The containers they are in are made of steel and are only as big as the dolphins are. In transport, they will be in this small steel box with no stimulation at all for several days. This must be the most terrifying experience of all.
11. Many sacrifice their lives at step 10. Buyers intentionally purchase additional dolphins because they know that there is a strong chance that the dolphin will die at this point.
12. They then arrive at their destination and are again put into another artificial pod and have to go through the stress of re-establishing relationships with the other dolphins.
13. They will perform for the rest of their lives. Some will be forced to participate in breeding programs so that their offspring can also spend their lives entertaining people. Some will be put into very small aquariums. Some will be put into larger aquariums. But life will never be the same as their memories of being wild in the oceans and free with their family.
14. They will most likely die well before their natural lifetime.
This is a very long journey for a dolphin to make. A dolphin who has done no wrong to any human. Even when they saw their family members killed by the hands of humans, they remained gentle. Any person who buys a ticket, is supporting this industry and is supporting this cruelty to dolphins. If noone bought tickets, this would not be happening.

I'm currently banned from posting on fb so I'll post here that this is outstanding and I hope in 9 months when my ability to survive runs out they'll have moved on to abolishing my $72000 of credit card and student loan debt.
The Rolling Jubilee Mails its First Debt Forgiveness Letters
I tried to add this as a comment to my original post but it didnt take. I just got a call from aethena the regional rep for Nj at Honda. about the spark plugs in the manual stating over 100,000 miles she said "well that's just a recommendation but certainly not a guarantee." I calmly said "ok I'm not dealing with this aggravation. I'll deal with this another way. Thank you." Click. That's a far cry and leaves me with far more energy than the ballistic psycho these people made me into last week.

December 18th 2012
Now all I need is justice for the beating I took from officers Daniels and Wentworth in Potsdam while hospital officials watched and I screamed bloody murder in shock and pain. No justice. No peace.

Wow I was blocked from posting on operation sandy relief. Ok let me block them and see if that solves the problem. The spirit of my dead ten year old sister had something to say to the two losers looking back at her and it wouldnt post. Hmph buh-bye!

December 19th 2012
Ok since I still cant post, ty Anna yamada from DC but I have to rethink how to go about smearing since I cant post due to someone marking me as spam. As far as long beach Palmer this used car was bought from a Honda dealership w guarantees and only serviced at Honda dealers since bought who all use the same computer system Honda certified. Charles I've never NOT owned a car but nice try. I've always had a car since 1988-9. Glenn if nothing makes sense in my article I'd have to question what u've been doing for the 12 years in the automotive industry. If spark plugs are only $20 and minimum ti put in then it only adds to the underhanded part of the deal. when the car was bought it came w the entire car facts history as well as all services done at the honda I bought it from. If u follow the maker's manual and only go to their maker-certified dealers they have to stand by that. also something is very strange to recall a hose under the same conditions the spark plugs failed. feel free to elaborate long beach.

Ok since I still cant post I'll put it here. Not only do I remember switching from puppy food to dog food, not only do I regret not bottle feeding my darling since the north shore animal league lies about the dogs ages but I still have her baby teeth someplace! rip cookie. I'm happy you lived a long fifteen years and I'm so sorry daddy up and left quick exit.

December 20th 2012
Lucas Thayer I'm still banned from posting so hopefully u see it here. There's going to be an uprising against fb jackasses - mark my words. can u refresh my memory how I insert 6 lines on a photo? Ms word or powerpoint?
Registered as an Organ Donor

December 21st 2012
I've heard some gesting on the Mayans today and it was heartbreaking that sum1 lied and sensationalized something pointed out long ago not just by the Mayans but many cultures around the world who had no communication with each other.

I made the news! Something about users pay $1 for unwanted spam brought to you by no other than Honda! I didnt get the whole thing coz this place has the sound off and I didnt get to read that fast. I'll get you f*cker$. W/o a job I've got nothing but time and energy on my hands.

Numbing away the day's stress. New worry bout being told to leave but need to read justin of Los Angeles to see how it was proven "moving along" would cause irreparable harm. The only thing I do is fall between the cracks - too high functioning to be believable. I also have no idea if a childish piece of trash is following me still on f*c*book causing me surmountable stress. F*c*book has a new name: f*c*book. At least I have a good handle on the greatest stressor since childhood: no sleep (like a normal person). Maybe being ignored by my guardian was even greater and I didn't see it until too late...stress stress stress stress...

December 22nd 2012
Something to remember me by if the surrogates court is not brought to its knees over how I'm living.
correct video?
my Uncle in CA I never met is a corporate lawyer. How ironic the reckless loose cannon that raised me 1. Only ever made fun of lawyers 2. Ironically got her way when using a lawyer against me ...
December 23rd 2012
Well if NYS pension fund is diverted from the gas companies then there's hope for me. As secure as a civil service job is it's the greatest reason I'm not taking this easy way out. geesh As someone who stands by my convictions I've sure been shit on a lot.

Fossil Free

I hope my sister is following this newsfeed if she's ever given the internet a try. Never forget our past and go to a university library and learn from a big hardcover book all the medical advances and knowledge obtained from the human sacrifices done around the world pre WWII (still ongoing).


December 24th 2012
Claire John f. Kennedy was shot after his speech on secret societies. Get to know the truth as well as who is and is not what this country needs

It's the final countdown to my existence. my 2 cards with chase are being blocked from use due to non-payment. All my payments with them have been over-full and on-time. When I was in a nursing home I took advantage of credit protector but during that time bank1 was being overtaken by chase and even though I would have the secretary fax and refax my proof and confirmation it went through, it came down on me that I wasnt paying. It took a long time and aggravation to get it cleared up. I had to refax all they said they didnt get after being treated like garbage from corporate and only with about ten months of aggravation did it get cleared up. That's the same card I just tried to use. Now about the nursing home I was successfully kicked out because my mother said she would take me in - which I did not do as she has been the proper rehab hindrance since childhood. But when it came to contesting a guardianship she put on the act that I'm on my own and not welcome to stay at her home - even though I'm there at any given time. The doctor who threw me out of the nursing home is Japanese American and as what goes around comes around we had the notorious tsunami there - that might be a bit over the top in that connection. Had I someone to assist my life, my well-being would come down on that doctor...found that out from other residents. Traffic jam when ur already late, a no smoking sign on ur cigarette break. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife, it's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife (although it didnt happen in that order and she's nothing to write home about - especially in the facial arena). probably not nine months now. More like 3 unless there's a big protest and saving of this life. The following ok is a typo and this phone is this damn phone. ok

ty lea. maybe messaging gov Christie over the surrogate judge he wouldnt allow to retire will do something. Btw the doctor responsible for evicting me is dr. Yew. never heard back from the attorney someone got me in touch with before Thanksgiving but I could give him another call Wednesday...

December 29th 2012
This is NOT spam. Check out my profile to know I'm real and this is especially important for Honda owners to know. I'm currently banned from posting because someone marked me as spam so in order for me to respond to any suggestions I might have to either private message or post on my timeline.

I drove across the country and waiting for a reason to go back - a way to survive paying $70,000 in student loan and credit card debt. I am a fall between the cracks at the Surrogate's Court and a product of corruption. The following is important for me to make it back home to the east coast and there's a million suckers out there who own the following Honda situations.

BOGUS RECALL CORPORATE AMERICA?: I bought a used 2004 Honda w 32,000 miles on it and an owner's manual that shows the schedule for changing spark plugs at over 100,000 miles. After driving the car extended periods at the 2000 miles mark the check engine light starts flashing which means DONT DRIVE THE CAR but being that I was 70 miles from the nearest Honda in the middle of no place in Utah there wasn't much I could do. The light turned solid on my way to the dealer which is better news. after doing a diagnostic the dealer tells me I need new spark plugs and goes on to explain to me the flaw in my model that was changed a year or two later because during extended travel to save on gas some of the cylinders stay closed and oil got onto the spark plugs of the cylinders that stay closed. I decided to visit Honda corporate in Torrance CA when I was reaching my destination with my foul spark plugs in hand as well as the Utah receipt that states they see this on a regular basis from Hondas on extended travel. Honda corporate admitted to me they redesigned the spark plugs but passed their dirty work off to Marion in customer service (manager for NY region. Huh??? The car was bought in NJ) to tell me that, no matter what, because of the age it has passed they're not covering it. they've been informed my engine fan is coming on more often since the spark plug change. Honda recently covered up this flaw by doing a recall on all 2004-2007 V6 models citing hose could get too hot and leak and cause a fire under extended travel. I just left a Voicemail w one of the managers I met w not to pass his dirty work off to Marion, gave my mother's address and phone # who paid for it, and said I'm in the process of smearing Honda's reputation all over Facebook. PLEASE SHARE THIS WITH ALL POSSIBLE. oh and the dealer I bought the Honda from had the balls to tell my mother I got ripped off in Utah (not knowing the price on the receipt included an oil change) but no clear comment on how spark plugs dont need to be changed before 100,000 miles. Marion has made it clear that if I get damaged spark plugs again at the 2000 mile mark on my way back, Honda's not covering it.

Received a call back from NJ rep Aethena who said that the manual is a recommendation but not a guarantee.This car was bought at a Honda dealer from a previous customer. I have the car facts report on it plus all services to the car done at the Honda Dealer. This is a Honda issue. Isn't something fishy they're doing a national recall on a hose underthe same conditions that the spark plugs fail?
January 8th 2013 
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar in 12 oz water and honey to taste if you can't handle it. Ah so that's why I'm not sick.
Got flu? Flu shots are easy but they don't work and the toxic side-effects are not worth the ignorance. Please stay away from drugs! Try these instead (less likely to die during consumption.)

January 10th 2013
My money per day minimum is $10.64 and if it's running me into the ground faster it's a toss up between weight, health,etc. After reading up on what I have in my salad everyday I'm probably going to switch from raw spinach leaf to cucumber since I don't know about me and those oxalates. My current situation happened upon an italian all-you-can-eat food bar which is a salad bar next to pizza, garlic cheese twists, and sometimes cinnamon twists. An old guy that is there many times and my guess the owner(?) has hinted to me a couple times that compared to the women here I should be eating way less. How do you explain to your senior generation (who has a heavy foreign accent) your whole situation about insult, injury, bucket list, 1 meal per day, etc? My chiropractor would be so proud of my daily heaping salad but not the pizza and
garlic bread twists:

Health benefits lettuce - good source of iron, vitamin B6, K, A, and C. Furthermore, iceberg lettuce is high in dietary fiber, and contains traces of omega fatty acids, which is important for allover health. Folate is another benefit that iceberg lettuce provides, which helps fight heart disease. However, iceberg lettuce is lower in vitamin C, A, iron,potassium, and calcium than darker greens.

Health benefits spinach leaf - A single cup of raw spinach supplies half of the RDA for vitamin A - and it's full of vitamin K, a vitamin that's important for building strong bones. It's also a good source of folate, vitamin C, magnesium,and iron. It has no saturated fat, is low in carbohydrates, and has only seven calories per cup. It's also loaded with antioxidants to protect cells from free-radical damage. If you have a history of kidney stones, eat spinach cooked - not raw. Spinach has substantial amounts of oxalates - natural plant compounds that combine with calcium to form kidney stones in susceptible individuals. People who have a history of gout, thyroid disease, or rheumatoid arthritis should also limit the amount of raw spinach they eat. Another problem with eating raw spinach is it reduces absorption of minerals such as calcium. This is because the oxalates form complexes with minerals that can't be easily absorbed by the intestines. Even though raw spinach is a decent source of calcium, only about five percent of the calcium in spinach reaches the bloodstream because of the oxalates. Iron absorption from raw spinach is also limited due to oxalates, although eating raw spinach with a food high in vitamin C improves iron absorption. Cooking spinach destroys some of the oxalates, but not all. Heat inactivates between five and fifteen percent of the oxalates, but overcooking spinach to further reduce oxalates won't have additional benefits. It simply destroys the vitamins.

Health benefits cucumbers - Health Benefits of Eating Cucumbers: They're good for re-hydration. Cucumbers are a good source of potassium and magnesium that help to control blood pressure. Cucumbers are a good source of the antioxidant vitamins A and C as well as folate. Folate is particularly important during pregnancy as it helps to reduce the risk of neural tube defects in the unborn baby. Folate also may reduce the risk of heart disease by lowering levels of homocysteine. Cucumbers aren't good just for eating. Cool cucumber slices laid over tired, swollen eyes helps to reduce water retention and puffiness. This is thought to be due to the caffeic and ascorbic acids cucumbers contain. To get the maximum health benefits of eating cucumbers, it's best to eat them unpeeled because the outer skin is a good source of fiber and minerals.

Health benefits kidney beans - Kidney beans have so many benefits and are full of so many nutrients which will help your body in many ways. Some of the benefits of kidney beans again are the high source of fiber, protein, iron, and potassium. These are so helpful in many ways because they help your heart, lower cholesterol, digestive cleaner, and many other benefits. Kidney beans are great in so many ways for our health and are a very low cost food. There are not any side-effects of kidney beans except that it usually causes gas for some people. Kidney beans are just like any other beans it makes people gassy and bloated so just be careful.

Health benefits garbanzo beans - One of the richest nutrients found in garbanzo beans are molybdenum. Molybdenum is a type of trace mineral that provides the body with energy, as well as playing a role in nerve health. Molybdenum also plays a role in helping the kidneys to get rid of wastes. A serving of garbanzo beans contains 123.00 micrograms of this important trace mineral. Manganese found in garbanzo beans totals 1.69 milligrams which is also very good. Manganese is another trace mineral which helps your body to process all of its key nutrients. This mineral also helps the blood glucose levels to stabilize and the thyroid gland to function normally. Manganese also is also key to helping the health of nerves and helping bone health. Garbanzo beans have a lot of folate which is 282.08 micrograms per serving. Folate has shown that it

prevents certain birth defects when pregnant women receive enough of this water soluble vitamin. Another thing about folate is that it has a tendency to prevent anemia since it promotes healthy cellular production too. Homocystine, an amino acid that we have in our body, is processed by folate. If you have a problem with getting enough dietary fiber, then eating garbanzo beans is a solution to that problem since they contain 12.46 grams of this extremely important nutrient. Fiber is what makes the colon function at optimal levels and it also helps lower cholesterol levels as well. Tryptophan in a serving of garbanzo beans is 0.14 grams. Tryptophan is a part of our amino acids in the body, and it does have a bearing on our neurotransmitter serotonin which effects our moods. This amino acid also helps to control the appetite, and help you get the proper rest. Garbanzo beans are a good food choice if you have anemia since they have both iron, (4.74 milligrams,) and
copper, (0.58 milligrams.) Copper is essential to helping the blood hemoglobin along with collagen production. Copper also has an effect on our thyroid functions too. You will get 275.52 milligrams of phosphorus in a serving of garbanzo beans.Phosphorus is bone supportive, helping the bone-building calcium to be processed in our body daily.

Health benefits red onions - Health Benefits of Red Onions: Sulfur Compounds One group of chemicals responsible for the health benefits of red onions are the sulfur-containing allyl propyl disulphides. If you ever wondered where onions get their distinctive odor, these chemicals can take the credit. Despite their somewhat offensive smell and the irritating effect on the eyes, onion's distinctive sulfur compounds may help reduce the risk of heart disease as well as certain types of cancer. Similar sulfur compounds are also found in garlic which makes it another good choice for adding flavor to food.

Health Benefits of Red Onions: Flavonoids When it comes to the health benefits of red onions, flavonoids are another important component. These powerful free radical scavengers help to clean up oxidative damage that can lead to cancer, and may play a role in preventing heart disease. The most important flavonoid in onions is known as quercetin. This phytochemical has powerful anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant properties that may prevent the growth of certain types of tumors. Several small studies have shown that people who eat large quantities of onions have a lower incidence of several common cancer types. Quercetin also has natural anti-histamine properties which may make onions somewhat effective against allergy symptoms. While all onions have quercetin, white onions have very little and red onions have the most. One more reason to choose red onions over its paler counterparts. Health Benefits of Red Onions: Better Bones? Surprisingly, onions also play a role in maintaining healthy bones. A study published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry showed that a compound found in onions known as GPCS can stop the activity of cells that break down bone known as osteoclasts. In fact, GPCS works very similarly to one of the prescription drugs used to treat osteoporosis. Although it's unclear how many onions you'd need to eat to get this protective effect, adding red onions to your diet may still be a smart choice, particularly for women. Health Benefits of Red Onions: Other Benefits? Red onions are also low in calories and fat and their rather assertive taste make dishes prepared with them more filling. Onions are also high in chromium, a mineral that increases the sensitivity of insulin receptors to the sugar regulating hormone insulin. It's thought that this may help to decrease appetite and promote weight loss, although this hasn't been conclusively proven.

Health benefits sunflower seeds - Benefits of Eating Sunflower Seeds: They're Good for the Heart. Eating sunflower seeds benefits the heart in several ways. For one, sunflower seeds are an excellent source of vitamin E. A quarter cup of these tasty little seeds supplies almost a whole day's requirement. Vitamin E helps to prevent abnormal blood clotting that can lead to a heart attack. It also helps to lower LDL cholesterol levels - another risk factor for heart disease. Getting vitamin E from sources such as sunflower seeds is better than taking a supplement since some studies show that taking vitamin E in supplement form may be harmful. Sunflower seeds are also rich in phytosterols - a group of natural plant phytochemicals - which help to reduce the risk of heart disease. In addition, sunflower seeds are low in saturated fats, but rich in heart healthy polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats - a plus when it comes to heart disease prevention. Add
to that their high magnesium content which helps to lower blood pressure - and you can see why sunflower seeds are such a heart healthy snack. Benefits of Eating Sunflower Seeds: They're High in Protein. Most people get too much protein from animal sources and not enough from plant sources - such as sunflower seeds. Six ounces of sunflower seeds provides, on average, twelve percent of the daily protein requirement for most people. Sprinkling them on a fresh garden salad is a good way to add non-animal protein and make it more filling. Plus, the healthy fats in sunflower seeds makes the carotenoids and other vitamins in the salad easier for the body to absorb. Other Benefits of Eating Sunflower Seeds: Because of the fiber and good fats in sunflower seeds, they're quite filling and satisfying so you don't need many of them. At 205 calories for a quarter cup, they're not low in calories - but they will fill you up so you're less likely to munch on unhealthy snacks such as potato chips.
Health benefits green peppers - According to these Nutrients, the Health Benefits of Green Bell Pepper should be:
Vitamin C:
- Improves wound healing
- Prevents cells from damages
- Improves gums health
- Improves teeth health
- Improves Immune System
- Protects from free radicals
- Reduces Aging
- Lowers Risks of some Cancers
- Improves Iron absorption
- Improves Lung health
- Prevents from frequent colds
- Protects from frequent infections
Vitamin B6:
- Supports Brain Function
- Provides Healthy Energy
- Reduces Risk of Heart attack
- Supports Nervous system
- Protects from homocysteine build-up
- Reduces fatigue
- Lowers chance of anemia
- Helps protect from eczema
- Helps protect from dermatitis
- Supports healthy skin
- May reduce seizures

Health benefits hard boiled egg - When you eat boiled eggs, you're getting one of the highest quality sources of protein. A single boiled egg supplies around twelve percent of the average person's daily protein requirement in a form that's easily absorbed and readily used by the body. Plus, the average boiled egg only has only eighty calories - making a boiled egg an excellent source of high quality protein for people watching their weight. No wonder body builders eat them by the dozens! Another benefit of boiled eggs? They're an excellent source of choline - a compound that's important for healthy brain function. Choline also has anti-inflammatory benefits which may help lower the risk of certain diseases such as Alzheimer's disease and heart disease. Eggs are one of the best sources of choline - but you have to eat the yolk to get the benefits
choline offers. Did you know that eating boiled eggs also protects your vision? Eggs are a good source of carotenoids such as lutein and zeaxanthin which help to guard against macular degeneration - the most common cause of visual loss in older adults. Protecting your eyesight has never been so easy. What about the cholesterol issue? Eating boiled eggs will only raise your cholesterol if you eat too many of them. Studies show that you can eat one to two eggs per day including the yolk without causing a significant rise in cholesterol levels.

Health benefits of beets - Beets contain an abundant amount of carbohydrates that provide us fuel for energy and sports activities. They also include iron, magnesium, sodium, phosphorus, and calcium. Beets contain niacin along with vitamins A and C. They are a fiber food and can reduce serum cholesterol by a good forty percent. Pregnant women profit from the folic acid in beets for the necessary development of their infant's spinal column and for the maintenance of new cells. Eating beets is much healthier than consuming an herbal supplement purchased over-the-counter; by eating the foods that contain the nutrients and vitamins will reach the bloodstream faster than the supplement. There are studies that have been made showing beets help guard against some cancers such as colon cancer. A very traditional treatment of leukemia is from the beet root. This approach consists of eating roughly 2 pounds of raw mashed beets each day for the treatment of tumors and leukemia. There have also been studies that show that including beets in ones diet can give protection against heart disease, help prevent varicose veins, and lower blood pressure. The pigment in beets that give off the red color is called betacyanin. This helps in fighting against cancer. This pigment is also absorbed into our blood corpuscles and increases the oxygen carrying ability in our blood. Beets have also been known in helping to cleanse the colon and blood, and gall bladder and liver.

Health benefits honey mustard dressing – The good: This food is low in Saturated Fat, and very low in Cholesterol.The bad: This food is high in Sodium, and a large portion of the calories in this food come from sugars.

Health benefits thousand island dressing – The good: This food is a very good source of Vitamin K and Thiamin.

Health benefits nutritional yeast - An ounce of nutritional yeast has a whopping seven grams of fiber which is more than a quarter of the day's recommended intake. Fiber is important for heart health and healthy intestines and most people don't get enough of it. Nutritional yeast is an excellent source of B vitamins - and one of the only non-animal sources of B12. B12 is important for healthy red blood cell production and is vital for normal nerve function since it maintains the myelin sheath that insulates nerve cells. A deficiency in B12 can cause irreversible nerve damage. One caveat. Not all nutritional yeast is a good source of B12, so it's important to do a little investigation before buying it.

January 11th 2013
SOS! (tick-tock, tick-tock) - just a response to say "we're here but not answering your pleas." This letter doesn't do me a damn bit of good and doesn't address what I brought up.

Dear Occupied Newbie,

Your letter to the Office of the Governor, (NJ), has been referred to this office, the Civil Practice Division of the Administrative Office of the Courts, for response. I apologize for the length of time it has taken to respond. At the outset I must inform you that this office cannot preserve the neutrality and impartiality of the court system. For that reason, this office cannot investigate your adult sister's guardianship or your guardianship, if you are subject to a guardianship.

If you feel that your mother is unfit to be your adult sister's guardian, you may bring that to the attention of the court.

To do so, you must file a verified complaint and order to show cause with the Superior Court. The pleadings are filed with the county Surrogate, who also functions as the Deputy Clerk for the Superior Court, Chancery Division, Probate part.

Although you are not required to have an attorney represent you, you should consult a New Jersey attorney regarding your rights and whether you should pursue such an action. If you oppose your own guardianship, you may want to speak with a NJ attorney about contesting the guardianship. There is nothing more that this office can do to assist you in this matter.

Taironda E. Phoenix
Kevin M. Wolfe
Kristi Jasberg Robinson
Carol Lambard

January 12th 2013
My mother gave me Christmas money to keep me alive for another 1.5 Weeks. wtf? intervention can save a life.

January 19th 2013  
This tooth situation is making me snap. I was also eating a salad when my tooth cracked couple years ago and I lost my 3rd tooth. 1 of the three was was a wisdom tooth left in to compensate for the baby tooth stuck below the jawbone due to the fracture. It then fused to the jawbone. How we found that out was an orthodontist put braces on my bottom teeth with a chain attached to the baby tooth to bring it up. It wound up pulling the other teeth down. No one did anything for me. I was 13 when got tmj and the no-fault salt insurance had me checked by one of their doctors who said it wasnt related so my mother paid out of pocket for me to be treated by a tmj specialist. after is when my mother didnt even bother w the baby tooth incident. When I was 21 a new hygenist discovered my loose teeth and she was never to be seen at that dentist again.

Since 1989 I've gone thru pain staking effort to floss every day and yet I'm having all these problems. In my mind I can see two people chiding me for this personal injury saying they know people way worse in Upstate NY yet these same 2 also were involved in hurricane sandy walk a mile in my shoes when really they're trying to tell the Rockaway people to walk in their shoes being victims of the Upstate economy who rarely even had as much as ... n m... Off track. Bottom line is the injuries of this child were never taken care of properly or justice gained so this adult is snapping over the result of that happening now. All 3 teeth pulled so far I kept and still have regardless of the crazy looks I got. This tooth will erode without care and have to be pulled eventually and I cant handle losing another part of me. The salads are doing my body justice even if it's barely noticeable. Y would I stop the salads? I'm over the top about this tooth. What's next?

Well my sister Claire needs to forget about good sex so she can return to her blood family and I can have a surrogate mess fixed - besides her menopause is kicking in at 46 & it's easier to let him go. Her hair should also be straightening out since it was only hormonal all along since she was 13 approximately. Oh man not sure what this post is going to look like but cant care right now anyway since I face losing another part of me. And I just babble on and on and on... I'm still sane just on the verge...someone needs to take care of me and that means something different for a downstater than an upstater.....

Ha! Doesn't matter the occasion, I will NOT watch Oprah. The woman "and her team" who ignored me at a time I so much needed them (and then never made up for it). Now I'm looking at being a toothless, broke, arthritic, obese, single, and past-tense child left behind.

forgot childless and maybe more

It just doesnt end. Now it looks like a filling came loose on the side of my tooth. Was eating my salad and felt something push up between my teeth. That's a tooth I got taken care of right away when I could cut floss on it. I have no dental insurance and not a resident of here. It was my mother's dentist who took care of it. I've got crunchy silver pieces coming out of my mouth. Trying not to chew on that side but dont know if that will make a difference. Someone rescue me from this STRESS!!!

a guy who sees me sitting there alone every week gave me some suggestions like getting a california ID for dental help. I don't think that will fly. I can just see it now. Walking into the DMV which is right next to the police station and stating I have no physical address except my car but I'd like to get an ID just to save my tooth. Don't think it's going to fly. All of these teeth problems come from a 1978 broken jaw. I've been raked over hot coals for some loose cannon Irish woman in America who's lying all over the place. Here she paid for my dental way more than once but went into a surrogate court making out I'm on my own. She was responsible for me when I should have been preventing that jawbone loss in my teen years yet she doesn't have to answer to anything so far. I'm not going to make it in this stress for long.

 January 21st 2013  
 This is an SOS signal as usual. So went to a dentist in an emergency and taking care of the results depends on my mother.

Couldnt get a hold of my mother so called her sister which gave me a better idea how to get hold of my mother. In the course of the conversation says she doesnt know about the surrogate court which is fine. What is not fine is the person given custody of me not only knows just as much but calls her for advice of me in America - deaf leading the blind syndrome. I want to go home but wont be without constructive interference. The state first interfered under Marilyn mindes upon me first being diagnosed 11 years after injury with voc rehab. My mother declined me getting help as she proudly said I was going off to college. I need now to return to this dental situation which turns out to not be a filling but the need for a crown. I could have sworn the gray stuff was a filling. More later. Not thinking straight today.

 I keep calling out for help while there's still time. mum is comforting herself that I just decided to travel to CA with the last of what I have and will be magically back when I decide. SOS!

Ah you can get to know the hypocrite responsible for my sister separation right on Facebook. Richard mould whose sons are cj mould and Thomas mould out of hopactcong nj. Cj was a special needs child most likely from a birthing injury. Their mother never elaborated on why they chose a different birthing place after their firstborn Thomas was born. That usually means she's hiding something. She drank beer and smoked cigarettes while pregnant and nursing her firstborn. I'm not sure about her second born but do know they switched and her second born was special needs with a brain growth I think. Nothing really obvious like coma for a month after a truck head-on collision. These hypocrite parents know I never got the extra help cj got. Know I didnt go to more appropriate schooling like cj did. Know they've never seen how I live out in the world. Richard mould (with scruffy beard, bald head, and glasses - mobile doesnt paste correctly) and his wife my sister gave never been to my graduations from any schools. They've been completely uninvolved yet went into a surrogate court and under the belief of God had me cut out of medical guardianship of my sister. Richard mould calls himself an IT guru yet I'm more highly trained than he is - I just never had the chance to build on my career because I was absent the needed supports out in the world meanwhile my mother just kept painting a Rosy pic and all bought it.

I've witnessed Richard's physical roughness with his children. I particularly remember cj (Christopher John) being flung about by his arm at the end of the staircase where a plastic tricycle was when they lived in Wallington Nj. the final straw why their way international sponsors Peggy and Vinnie got divorced had to do with Vinnie throwing their oldest born daughter up against a wall. alias the pattern repeats. this all makes sense that I witnessed my sister go for more than 20 years with undiagnosed seizures right? all I wanted was the plea bargain of taking that sister to the modern medical agenda for her by one of the top notch medical centers in the country - Kessler. is it worth me dying for this? That will be reality if someone doesnt step up to a completely and well overdue botched Surrogate's court situation.

hi Greg! nice to finally hear from you!!!

where in Wallington?

do you know macaluso that lives in dingman's ferry?

we grew up in butler with macalusos and one of them lived in dingman's ferry atleast 20 years ago

Donna macaluso but dont know if she changed her name, got married.

she had a sister Michelle who was "happily divorced" 20 years ago but dont know if she ever lived in dingmans ferry.

lol play on! so whats life like these days? I always think of you and Erin when I hear "you dont bring me flowers on YouTube

I discovered Neil diamond's holly holy in 2003 and I can't wait for that masterpiece to make a comeback!

absolutely!!! listen I have to stop using my phone now coz battery is low but I'll check back with you tomorrow! tty then!

wow what a trip! goodnite


January 22nd 2013 
Someone please get in touch with occupy morristown nj. They're right in the heart of the area my protest needs to be.

January 23rd 2013 
Went to sleep with the usual feeling "as I lay me down to sleep I pray death to give me peace" and got woken up with the opportunity to die. I got assaulted by police under those same groggy conditions similar to Madeline McCann being kidnapped while she was sleeping. I woke up to my car shaking. Got out to find a car load of homies had backed into me and there's a significant scratch on my bumper. Maybe the damage is worse don't know. Another car full of homies next to them was yelling out "yeah a Honda. You got insurance...go back to sleep..." The driver that hit me didn't take off but after they left I listened to the voice inside that said "take off and dont ever come back." I could have had a knife or gun pulled on me had I made an issue of it but was too asleep and too vulnerable out here in the world with no protection. I could have finally been at peace tonight but now instead I'm displaced yet again about 7 miles up the highway but atleast back where where I used to be. Death is better than changing my environment but I dont need to be maimed by two car-loads of gang members not getting the job done and leaving me alive in a hospital. It gets boring real fast where I am now. I pray for death really fast. I have no sign the Surrogate's court is going to change. I have no sign I have a survivable situation to return to.

Instead of saying nothing I could have picked a fight tonight and died but if they didnt get the job done I'd be worse off.

And the need for intervention continues. I'm not making it out here. And now I'll lay me back down to sleep and pray for death to give me peace.

no wish came true. need to get in touch with community center after finding it. running low on tolerance, patience, and have no protection out here. found place to wake up and woman came over to share with someone a comic in the newspaper she found funny. I told myself I had better take advantage that god works thru people so ask what's available in this boring place that doesnt have much. Oh I was peeved by a group of asians that kept gawking at me here last time who I thought were chinese but now seeing they may be korean. Their gawking at a new person is really obvious. I'm low on tolerance. now realize had I made a deal last night could have been robbed the way the toughies in the uninvolved car were shouting.

as a matter of fact - and this is how brain injury has f*cked me - making sense of things later - I probably was woken up on purpose for confrontation, robbing and worse. the energy protecting my life is not providing the total protection I need to live a full life. that's why I need that protecting energy to go away so I can rest in peace. there is a transfer of black paint from the other car to my car. I'm guessing btwn the two cars there were ten guys. the guys in the car that hit me were African American and the driver of the other car sounded hispanic. there are dire consequences for keeping on the loose after being raised by a needy woman who didnt get me proper help for going out in the world.

for past couple days been having the injury symptom I learned about in 1995 of racing thoughts&restlessness. my sisters cult would cite the verse of be still and know that I am but that doesn't take care of an organic injury. with this symptom comes incessant talking which instead of being properly diagnosed has ALSO gotten me in trouble many times. the answer to a lot of this is to keep me occupied - that's what college degrees and jobs are for. I need care or I need death if I'm going to be pushed out on my own. SOS!

not doing well. need care. racing. trying to accomplish a great many things before dark.

January 24th 2013
How precious to get in touch with old friends. Love reawakens in your heart that's been hibernating all these years. Cant change the path of the past 20 yrs but if only now. Now I will lay me down to sleep and pray death to come and give me peace. If anyone can save me I'm all ears. If not I still hold u very dear.

my wish never comes true. still here. it's possible spiritually to stop the heart. This is absolutely surreal what my mother is getting away with and it all comes down on me for remaining silent all these years while she painted a rosy picture. received 2nd call since September about a job possibility in syracuse. I'm out of time for possibilities. called them back and told them the guarantees I need knowing I was gambling my reputation with that company. they probably called me about some bottom of the barrel job that they cant find anyone else for. Greg you know that is so far from where I belong. Erin said it - I needed a plan provided for me. She should know. Her mother was there as we were wheeled into the emergency room. SOS!

January 27th 2013

Can white man relate to referring to a bear as "our brother?" Most likely not so read this and follow recommendations accordingly.

An Open Letter to White “Indigenous Solidarity Activists”
seeeee! lol we're such WHITE men!
you have to get to know native American and how nature is all tied in from the creator but I dont want to tell you wrong so I suggest you have open discussion with a practicing native American. some have stepped away from their culture but most did not.
and Greg there's no place to post on your wall - wanted to let you know I mentioned you, Erin, and patty in a note of 20 pages I sent to my mother. she should get it tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm only trying to save my life. my mother thinks a lot of Erin from wut I can tell. I dont think she knew you or patty that well but she would definitely recognize your name out of a haystack.

time stood still for me Greg. you're all like family even though I've been out of touch. like I indicated, Erin nipped it in the butt by talking bout a plan. not only was Erin's mother at the hospital when we were but Erin's sister works for the headstart program for children. all of this is slipping thru the cracks in morristown and if I'm not saved I'll drown. back to my original subject here is the answer in the first 3 minutes:
the place I found to wake in the morning isnt going to work out. There's a judgemental, power freak, nosybody who I dont know for how long I'll run into him so prob need to stay away. When I encountered him over two months ago he was a prick and when I heard a young sweet girl say he's the only problem she has with her job my suspicions were confirmed. Maybe he's there more now because everyone's either quitting or getting fired by his attitude. He seems to pass judgement and act accordingly. He's a gay guy (very obviously) and I'm guessing he's reflecting his anger and hurt into all new people he meets. On the other hand I've encountered a guy who is different because he likes to wear makeup as if he's a woman and I can see he's put off by the way people look at him but he's not the mean spirited type like this other guy. Just like I've
gone thru life walking with a limp and all the social ramifications that come with it I'm not mean spirited. Options are dwindling in this quiet boring place.

January 29th 2013
TEST: click the follow button I added to my profile (timeline) page.
I was trying to see how many "like"d my page but maybe there is no "like" button. Then when it kept telling me to look at my admin on the top right corner, there is no admin on my timeline page! 

Complete turn-offs: backwards baseball caps and falling-off pants.

January 30th 2013
Just sent a message to a California relative or at least looks like the name(s) and locations seem to be correct. If I dont have the right person I might get blocked for a while.

:(((((( this place all around sucks. When I was here last time didnt even ask to use the computer for more than 2hrs. I have since become aware of data limits and have stayed 2 places where it was ok to use the computer for as long as I want as long as there's at least 3 computers open. I was told yesterday that I cant do that here -while there were 8 computers open. Oh maybe now I have to mail my mother a letter to warn her again about data limit and changing the plan would be cheaper by just adding $5 for unlimited data. The twisted truth that the woman whose reckless care I'm going to die from pays the lifelink of a phone. She knows I'm not psychiatric and didnt know where to turn with all the troubles she had with me so in the end it's just easiest to let me go and say I told you so as I free fall down the garbage chute. Erin I really hope you're able to do something. Of all the people that gravitate to you (with good reason wonderwoman! I hope you can interfere here. Come to think of it Erin, was the Surrogate's court ever involved when your father died? I just heard a song on the radio "run for your life." No I'll just die here. Someone needs to save me at this point. I can always drive back to a viable plan laid out for me.

January 31st 2013    
No wonder only 2 people have responded to my invite to my page! I goofed. I put it back in my name and had it under "someone needs to come to the aid of ..." PLEASE LIKE MY PAGE. I ran out of invite options but still working on getting those back. no surprise here. These companies can really grip the psyche. Sometimes my antennae is more sensitive than others and when there was a cop present at my one meal of the day yesterday it was on full force. He was the usual good-looking tempting bodies that cops are and his conversation with more than one person in the joint told me he's a known local. outside of momentary paranoia that the place hired a cop to catch me in the act of taking some "all-you-can eat" with me for my next meal it was the woman with  him that caught my attention. Tall with slicked back hair (not just tied back), round sunglasses, slightly big-boned with a bent-fotward walking posture, and an overgarment similar to a London fog. Hmmm govt worker stalking my whereabouts and habits hired by the credit card companies not getting paid? happens again and I'm finding a different all you can eat joint.

skipping town altogether seems the better way to go. will see....

February 1st 2013   
Felt a wave of sadness the other day - the type that lingers. Of the close friends I've gotten back in touch with I kept seeing this pretty young girl who could pass absolutely for family of my friend - same face freckles, blue eyes, and attractive. talk of being accepted to college. Then I did the math and felt like a freight train hit me. My friend has a 17 year old daughter. The past flashed before my eyes and all I'm suffering for all the adults who failed this life. It's to the point they're either going to make up for it or I wind up the ultimate sacrifice with hands tied. Here I am still caught up in the things needing to be taken care in this neglected child and my friends could be grandparents by now. The recklessness I was left to be cared by would tell me I didn't do any of the suggestions she'd make. THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUGGESTIONS AND A PLAN. THE SURROGATE'S COURT KNOWS IT COMES DOWN ON THEM AND KNOWS MY MOTHER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DECLINING VOC REHAB FOR ME. yes being in the system sucks and is limiting but is this any better??? No kids no marriage no career. Yeah that freight train is sounding real good right now. When I die there will be a certain # of people haunted.

There's people out there who would tell me to stop and accept what's meant for me in life. HA! That's like saying let killers go free because the people they killed were all meant to be! This is just another freight train that's hit me and it comes down to accountability of people getting away with murder. Take my sister brainwashed in her cult about the choices people make yet when confronted about my injury causing deficits in decision-making she's out to lunch along with other significant people whose care i've been left to. This post would be more appropriate in the page i've created about children left behind but I havent had enough invite acceptances yet.

February 2nd 2013   
really having a hard time today. Am way behind on facebook from yesterday (that's a first) and today. Just don't feel like participating. Tired of not having stability and waiting to see if I can finally return to my life anywhere on the east coast. Tired of a lot. Tired of not being taken care of (and no I don't mean a social services / welfare ride - If I were supposed to be going down that road I would have been prepared for it in life). Tired tired tired.

tired of not working. Tired of the slime that has changed the course of this life - but that's what happens when someone who's easily taken advantage of is out in the world. Tired of this life. Tired of the misguidedness that brought me here.

Tired of justice not being done.
Obama's Irish genetics understand the tactlessness of the Russians.

February 3rd 2013  
and I forgot to signify here: that I'm talking about my mother: "In her 1/2 baked shell there's nothing wrong..."
I'm justified again. Never forget Rose Kennedy.

watching the rest of this. making me SICK. Know all about the forced restraint (and injuries), and forced medication, and checking to make sure medication is swallowed (even though it was done after a law was passed against this practice). NO JUSTICE NO FUCKING PEACE. No worries. The apex of neglect in my life will have me dead soon. There's my peace?

Iodine sinks into my body in 5 hours which shows I'm Iodine deficient. Is that caused by ALL medications I was put on since 1978? - (not psychiatric since 1978; was sent home from hospital with just vitamins). Endocrine disruption? One good thing is that Iodine supplements are not all that expensive but paying for it is getting me to the grave sooner just like one meal a day will do that as well as paying for nutritional and herbal supplements. Beyond pissed listening/watching this.

Justice will calm me down.
sweet dreams everyone
by not paying credit cards (except for 1) I'm left with enough money for my 1 meal/day and 1 coffee/day (coffee only where the undesirable works) otherwise it's ¢.42 - ¢.92 more at Starbucks. there's no $ left for gas. I save on gas IF the power freak at the library is forced to change her ways in allowing me to use the computer for more than 2 hrs (while there's 8 computers open!!!!! trying to remember things will be eased a bit in the warmer weather. NEED TO USE MY INTELLIGENCE AT A JOB!!!!! WTF WTF WTF?

February 4th 2013  
Just felt another pang of reality as I heard the beach boys singing. Had to look up the song since I'd never heard of it - talking about north of morro bay and South of monterey bay and last word liberty. My sister that died liked the beach boys.

Have to wonder if the sole sister granted guardianship even knows that. She was never around. This makes no sense. She doesnt know or care about her family - just the dogma of The Way International. I keep hearing Erin's first words about her: "I never met her." Of how involved in each other's lives we all were and she was living in the same town we all went to school and she never met my friends, never was at any graduations or performances (outside of one because my mother was on vacation and I needed a ride in 8th grade. That's probably when she was learning the "sinfulness" of gays and stereotype that all actors are gay partly because they allow satan to infiltrate the mind by pretending to be someone else thru acting. This situation is really out of control by allowing my mother to remain the loose cannon she's been. Claire doesnt
even think that way. Just knows my mother's chosen to follow the devil thru catholicism but believing lying is not best but is ok to use if needed like when she lied in court that The Way International did NOT break up. Well since she's heterosexual I guess she knows now not all actors are gay. I just want this life over with. There's nothing more inappropriate than being broken up from family over 30 years later. In her 1/2 baked shell there's nothing wrong with me coming home the way things are just like there was nothing wrong with the bully across the street she witnessed from her window, nothing wrong with denying voc rehab when I was 17, nothing wrong with all the fighting and complaints about inadequate medical care for me and my sister, nothing wrong with no even stepfather since I was 12 - not even a date, nothing wrong until going to court and saying I just keep fighting with her, nothing wrong that she put an abrupt end to my father teaching me to defend myself when he was still alive. Absolutely nothings wrong in the fantasy life this woman has been left to live and all I ask is for the plea bargain of returning to the house she has only begged and pleaded me to come back to so that I can carry out any sense of full-circle bringing Christine to modern updated medical care yet my mother only listens to her same uneducated sister on what to do and w/o this being fixed I'll be returning to spirit. Cant say I havent testified to life while Claire was never around and being that she doesn't know what it's like to live in an institution has no problem with it. She's since going thru her learning process again after learning about "Tara's law" based on the DEATH of Tara o'leary in an institution.

Hey always love hearing from you/you guys. I think it's called California Saga. Here are the lyrics: "California Saga /

On my way to sunny California On my way to spend another sunny day
Water, water Get yourself in the cool, clear, water The sun shines brightly down on Penny's place The sun shines brightly

down on the bay
The air's so clean, it'll just take your mind away Take your mind away Take your mind away
Have you ever been south of Monterey? Barrancas carve the coast line And in the chaparral flows to the sea 'Neath waves of

golden sunshine
And have you ever been north of Morro Bay The south coast plows the sea And the people there are of the breed They don't

need electricity
Water, water Cool cascades of clear, clear water The sun dance final scene sets the hills ablaze Horizon edges quick up the

mountain's way
Have you ever been down Salina's way? Where Steinbeck found the valley And he wrote about it the way it was In his

travelin's with Charlie
And have you ever walked down through the sycamores Where the farmhouse used to be There the monarch's autumn journey ends

On a windswept Cyprus tree
Water, water Get yourself in that cool, clear, water The sun shines brightly down on Penny's place The air's so clean that

it just takes your mind away Take your mind away Take your mind away
Have you ever been to a festival The Big Sur congregation? Where country Joe will do his show And he'd sing about liberty
And the people there in the open air One big family Yeah, the people there love to sing and share Their new found liberty


February 5th 2013 
To watch non-mobile. Claire do you get it yet?

One of those times I feel privileged to have been around and know people who know Chief Lyons. I remember when he came right up to me and signed my hydrofracking petition . I think he was there with all the others as we prayed for healing to the lake that has been ruined by pollution from the company before Honeywell. How unfortunate that JP Morgan Chase has any appearance in this video. Lots of other things keyed in on. Good video.

February 6th 2013
ok let's see if the Citizen's Commission on Human Rights can help undo the mess I'm in. It's a good thing I
listened/watched this video until the end because it's at the end where I find out they exist. My story caught the attention of someone there. Wow with all I've been through in trying to make things better could it finally be happening that someone can help me out? that I actually have a life that is worth something? Gee I never thought I'd hear myself talk like this but after going through 17 years of being dragged through smut it makes sense I'm drained.

I hold no false hopes though. If things can't get right during a 17 year period it's completely viable that there not going to.

"When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home." --Tecumseh

Oh holy sh** the creepy beach boys song kokomo. More like experimentation in kokomo Indiana - not hot bodies in the sun. Bodies in the sand? That I believe.

February 7th 2013
Well that the end of that town. I'll be damned I go stir crazy while there's 8 unused puters so now I'm in a strange new place and def not as quiet. I'm surrounded by hotels and a residence. the puter situation is worse that you get one hour free and $1 every 20 minutes thereafter which I cant do. I sent an email to the county librarian where I was asking if this situation could be fixed for me to come back which may have been a moronic move but hey I have nothing else left in life. I explained in the email my need to stay in a familiar environment based on a childhood injury and changing is like asking someone with severe cerebral palsy to walk 20 miles w/o a wheelchair. this is hard on me cognitively and financially. there's a lot of bike riders round here. now got to get busy finding survival means.

this sucks! needed to come here early to investigate what works and doesnt. :(((

Just about to share link where native American halted an anti illegal immigration rally in tuscon AZ to show the teal illegalities is the anti protestors and my browser closed out! Irony...anyway signing off for the night that any trouble makers better leave me alone tonight or take my in between. Dont damage my car. Wake me up and threaten me by which I will not bend to you so you will have to kill me. Meaning "give me all your money"="kill me for it." &to that I say, good night all. Zzzzzz

just as my intuition felt that something is up around me, walking out the door hear 3 ladies talking is their home to where I was w/in a mile of gang shootings. I just need to listen to my antennae when they first begin to warn by sudden bad feelings I get. just heard a pop pop which could have been anything in the distance. I just dont need to live w/ car damage. dead with car damage is fine. guess we'll find out tomorrow if I turned out ok.

 February 8th 2013
Been emotional lately that I really want to go home. Added on to that the stipulation of the Surrogate's Court and wrote my mother about that 2ce. The woman who instead of seeking advice from professionals over me seeks it from her sister who (as a child) had to live across the country in what had to be a catholic-run hospital for God knows how long being treated for polio. I sometimes wonder what my father may have done to make a mess of our lives. He worked for IBM and very well could have chasing waterfalls. Does it matter anymore? I'm out of survival methods and want to put my foot through the radio every time I hear that song bout settle down and make your home. My turquoise jewelry is not just for physical safety travels but to keep me also safe if I travel out of this life when the pineal gland opens up and escorts me back to spirit.
I'm totally open to finding out if there's something different for the latter protection.

 February 9th 2013
Well I guess I'm talking to myself most of the time anyway and nobody else has accepted my invite besides Sarah and Steven. there are times I just cant handle when people slap you in the face like angel Bedell, Trista Colatriglio, and Cathy Middlesworth (Cindi Smith). I picked up somewhere that these slime are calling my expressions a feeling sorry for myself bought. Not so much angel because she's an all around loser but especially Cathy coz I talked to her the most and then Trista who couldnt possess good timing if her life depended on it. I was failed by my parents, the school, the Surrogate's Court, my oldest sister and anyone else I'm forgetting holding it together the best I can until my mother drops me down a garbage chute freefall keeping insynch with her life as an immigrant in this country. Her am... you know I'm so enmeshed in a mess I cant even get the words out.

February 10th 2013
some good news!

Seattle mayor forces police to abandon spy drone program — RT

Well now we all know the credit card companies, phone companies and God knows what else is all tied in. 2 months and my messages that only save for ten days are still there. I'm guessing insurance is also tied in. oh the end of me will be a glorious peaceful day and the people responsible for letting this life turn into what it did have a sorry ass karma coming down on them. The past is the past ok but save me now and no one is saving me because my care was left to a loose canon who's not all bad - just incompetent in some serious ways which is why the answer was to move her and her children back to the country she came from or get proper help in America. Even my hospital release records indicate most concern about me do to my amazing bounce back yet there's other things going on that are easy to forget about. Wishing save me from this mess

or kill me. I'm not following Tecumseh's advice and maybe that's a prob.

I wish the police patrol would roll around again. I'd really like to go brush my teeth. A bunch of people in the car next to me and one guy walked inside with a heavy bag. Helicopter flew over twice. Doesnt mean it's tied specifically to here.

Forcing myself to keep my eyes open. I might nap here sitting upright. Should atleast get my toothbrush and paste or else I'll wake running in without. More company. Here he comes w heavy bag and put in trunk. Whew engine started and going.

Coast clear.

not anymore. truck pulled next to me...teeth brushed and he's backed up enough as if parked for the night. I just heard his door close. Going to sleep.

February 11th 2013 
PS - what I need is intervention. Intervention to my mother to bring her to reality of who and what I am.
ok here's an example of what is happening and has been happening for years. I can print 20 pages for free so I've been mailing bundles of my facebook life to my mother to let her know of my existence (she's not online). She pays the phone bill so she should know where her money is going to. When I called her up today to let her know that I can't get back without the timing belt fixed she was pissed off at me because she thought the bundle I mailed her the first time was taxes (thus she handles all my finances as an informal guardianship). WHAT IS HAPPENING IS TRAVESTY AND SHE CAN'T SEE IT. SHE CAN ONLY COMMENT ON HOW DARE I MAIL HER NONSENSE. just writing all of this is draining me. Another thing happening is that my oldest sister who hasnt been around her house since 1984 or 5 is telling her that I'm my own person now so here I am all these years later not having gotten the help I needed to live a full life she's trying to instill now what needed to have been instilled with help years ago so as to prevent the mess I'm in now. Claire has nooooo idea of daily life in our house or maybe she does have an idea and that's what has kept her away. Either way for Claire to be involved solely in something so personal as a guardianship is soooooo fucking inappropriate. I NEED HELP REALLY REALLY BAD. THE WOMAN GIVEN GUARDIANSHIP OF ME HAS ONLY ABUSED ME MEDICALLY by not taking care of the medical

anymore out right now. My emotions get the best of me (within other brain injured it's called the bottle-neck effect - just can't get the words out).

PS - what I need is intervention. Intervention to my mother to bring her to reality of who and what I am.


February 12th 2013
Not able to watch the live feed for long mobile but just thought that if dorner has those oxygen tanks still and an open flame there's another weapon.

I'm not sure how I started receiving messages from "let the revolution begin..." o dont remember Coming across it or liking page. Did this happen to anyone else?

Comfortably numb and turning in for the night soon. I dont like all these strange people around me. I just want to go home but not without conditions met. There was something abusive and disregard about something else my mother said today that I cant remember that I need witnesses for. I'm sure it will come back to me. She had no business staying in this country raising her children post injury.

something occurred to me today out of the blue so I looked up talking in sleep and past life since I'm known for doing so and so is my father. came across unresolved issues. thinking bout the little boy with nightmares where he says a name and ship. at 8 was known to talk about apple juice. taped my self once and talked about a shirt 20 years later. my father would talk about tall buildings. hmmmm

February 14th 2013
muscle arms like that are my weakness ;)
just in case there's any muscle armed guys out there that would like to kidnap me :) 

Cop parked next to me and went in to eat or whatever w other officers parked across the way and I'm going to sleep in spite of it. I think he saw me take my keys up out of my shirt from my bra.

I completely nodded off and woke up hours later to a different car making noise with the people inside. I'm more scared of  the cops these days (if I have to interact with them). other than that there are times I welcome their patrol.

February 15th 2013
 Ok time for me to go to sleep in this strange place with guys on one side of me who put up window coverings at 3:30 when they arrive and leave at 5:30 in the morn - must be factory or hospital workers - and then on other side a whole line of who knows what. Have my doors locked and I assume police will do another patrol. They left me sleeping last night parked right next to me so assume it will all go ok for the night.

 February 16th 2013
And I just found out I got f*ckd by insurance again. Their not pursuing my hit and run any further to get my deductible back. Normally I'd be upset but when you're preparing to let go of this life things are a bit different.

Had to stop at 15:48. The only things I disagree with is the native woman talking about Christ and the white girl talking about Jesus. Had Europe invaded the land of those who praise Allah and native Americans never had to turn from their own ways (let alone Africans who were coerced into integrating the European way) would those who praised Allah originally be better off because of Europe? It's like she feels forced into feeling those that preached Christ were the only ones right on earth.

February 18th 2013
Ok I'm going to have to be content to be arrested. Noticed Friday there's cameras in the pizza joint where I get my 1 meal a day from all you can eat and take food with me for my next meal. If they pursue I'm had.

February 19th 2013
Someday everyone will know about all this "disorder" horseshit. Starting at the beginning of life (since there's no mention of head trauma in his life here) what type of birthing injury did he have where there is a medical liability? What about prenatal exposure to something that affected him in the womb physiologically? This world is a sad clump of horsesh*t. Oh and sensory overload...oh didnt we admittedly create that yet the human brain is not necessarily equipped to handle that manmade colossal failure. Last night I was forced to sit through the entire pierce Morgan show and only one thing had any importance: the guy who pointed out all the many child slayings from guns throughout history yet it's only when a bunch of white little kids in affluent America gets shot, now it gets attention. SAD.

February 20th 2013
Note to mom in the 40+ pages I'm sending her: "my timing belt was done at 27,405 mi at the six year mark (before I owned the car). If I need a new drive belt it's only $150. Valve adjustment may need to be done which is $650 but is recommended at 75000 or if noisy. I do hear rattling. Anyway mom you have to understand that Christine had proper schooling after the accident and I did not because of catholic school. I'm not returning to Nj w/o it being formalized at the Surrogate's Court. My life has been falling apart right under your nose all these years. You found out 30 years later what to do for Christine. Now find out about me. Unless something changes I wont be sending any more of these mailings. I'm short about $150/mo for survival and that's just the basics. Social security is only paying $611/mo. My basic bills w/o paying credit
cards is $342/mo.$20-$30/wk gas. 1meal/day at $841. Sleeping medication and 1 coffee/day is the basics plus I have to take vitamin supplements. If I get to catholic charities an hour away from here I get 2 free meals a day and a free shower.Right now I have to pay $10/wk for 1 shower a wk. Someone let you have ur way a long time ago and catholic school failed me for the things I needed in life. It's worth it for u to look like someone needing the man in the white coat rather than visiting the grave of another child before you die. I dont own $1100 anymore. During my developmental years is the time you needed to let go of me so someone raised in America could give me better guidance. For you to let go of me now is sending me to my grave - not kidding. Call the Surrogate's Court to see what you can do now."

It's nothing new but reading bout children's near death experiences. they had me intubated for gods sake. There's many reasons to have a child intubated but the most common is cant breath. Trying to travel far into my memory just to remember any nde. Very frustrating.

Test. Started a page for/about children left behind. Sent out 30 invites. Only 2 answered. One said they never got an invite. Cant tend to this nonmobile.

This is the second time that I just wanted to unload the end of my world coz I'm in absolute misery. Sometimes I get flashes of injustices and certain people that have done me wrong or how much I'm just a speck of ink for insurance or some other Goliath; how I'm all alone completely crashed into a wall when I had all good intentions all along and then my being consumed in misery goes away when brought back to saneness by someone on Facebook. I've been alone for far to long.

oh ok so you keep clicking on the Occopied Newbie link where the child is and you eventually get to like the group/page.

February 22nd 2013
We're still talking about Aaron Schwartz. We should also be talking about this guy. Remember there's a witness alive under the same circumstances who devotes his life to his kids and writes a book concerning these grievances:

 February 24th 2013
If you only knew what I know. But do I know it? No one has told me for sure.

Ok so what happened is that the cop who lied to me in syracuse at the German/Polish festival abusing his authority and subsequently my car still has the dent in it from that lie, was made it known among the police departments NOT to lie But oh well I'm still stuck with the damage that when a careless california hit and run driver makes me go to have my car worked on, that dent is documented as pre-existing. If my insurance drops me and I have no one to protect me on that matter I'm f*cking screwed. Oh ok that's all my life is meant to be. 

The nightmare is that they will see that as pre-existing and consider me high risk and although I filed for a 50-h hearing on time against the city of syracuse I could be completely f*cked all over the PIG that lied to me because I have NO ONE to go to combat for me with insurance or many other entities. After filing the 50-h the city/county came back and said they did an investigation and it never happened. *hold me down*
I'll find out more in a few days when my mail gets here but I've had these bad feelings lately that I could be dropped from my insurance. If they're not willing to pursue my hit and run further maybe that is telling me something. They have both my house and car insurance. If they drop me it will not be good guaranteed.

February 25th 2013
I still like geeks.

Yesterday I heard the woman next to me in her late 40s or early 50s laughing while she was doing something at the computer and although I'm not like other Californians stalking what she's doing online, I had to glance over to make sure I wasn't sitting next to someone off their rocker for fear they'd take it out on me. Not at all! She was watching the big bang theory!

lol Nice to hear some feedback! you can watch the whole episode... I'm a geek you're a geek. Everyone's a geek geek. Would'nt you like to be a geek to...Dr. Pepper parody lolol

Last night about two hours into my sleep I woke up choking on my saliva. only because I sleep like a normal person these days I've had a witness to tell me I snore something ungodly and have had great indications I have sleep apnea. Those nose strips are just a moneymaker. So you never know. If ever there's a day I dont wake up I guess my dying wish would be to reopen our car accident investigation from 1978. There's something incomplete about it as my Uncle Eddy from Belle harbor once indicated. supposedly there was a new pair of shoes stolen from the accident scene as well - minor detail I guess.

February 28th 2013
Newbie has a death sentence.

Some other time I'll have to share the farce of ADD/ADHD.

Kick Starting a Worthy Film: ADDicted

March 1st 2013 
Social norms example: I'm in the library charging my phone before I go on the computer in the city. A young black boy had rolled in the library on rollerblades. About 20 minutes later I hear the young boy say in conversation directly to someone as he was walking barefoot in the Libr "you never seen no ghetto person walkin around w no socks before?" I turned in the direction he was speaking and two white highschool boys at a table were turning their heads away from the young boy and back to their work at the table. Se la vi.

Ok comfortably numb about to read the Vesid letter which should be to close my case and I was expecting a couple months ago...well it's dated 1/7 and I just got it couple days ago. says if she didnt hear from me in 15 days case will be closed. no mention that Christine Waters at legal aid called her in October and told her I executed my bucket list and where I am. wonder if I should mail them a copy of my will wannabe.

aunt maureen I'm going to send you a message. I know you're new at the computer but you've been liking my messages. Ever accept my friend request?

March 4th 2013 
If anyone knew the breadth and depth of the coldness and uneducation that ruined this life. My mother wont answer the phone. I told her she'll only hear from me in an emergency. So I call her sister only to be greeted with the same attitude of "well everybody else this and everbody else that." So I go thru explaining I'm not everyone else-that a child from a hospital with needs who doesnt have those needs met will be missing what they need as an adult. Then I go on to point out something is very serious if a child in the home was given a Court order barring them from the home. We started out with a conversation that was actially going some place that what's done is in the past so if she didnt do what she was supposed to do then she needs to do so now. My aunt stayed stuck on the notion that I'm able to drive myself across the country and when I said "then why wont anyone hire me?" Her response was to say "there's lots of people out there that cant get hired."

My response was "why not for the past 20 years?" Her response was "well I know you've worked some jobs through the years." My response was"that's not consistent with my career." Bottom line is my medical self is being harassed by my own family and the other wall my body is being crushed by is state services and insurance among others. I'm sitting here waiting for the estimate on my car

 March 6th 2013
Starting to rain here which seems to be a big deal. Was supposed to start yesterday.

rain woke me at I guess 3:30 in morn. so needing something I can return to. I'm 500 yards from Rte 80. if only I had a reason and a plan to return to. between falling back asleep and alarm going off had dream about chiropractor...something about going to new house/office. interpretation has something to do with my iodine deficiency anf needing a self change.

there's only one person that entered my dreams before that turned out to be premonition-type. we're not particularly close but for some reason their dog spoke to me through the universe twice or something gave me premonition. I'm not trying to mother-bash. had I turned to dyfys as a youth they prob wouldnt do anything because there's nothing available for emotional abuse. also factor in she's just being her old fashioned Irish self. would they have saved me then and put me into appropriate? there's no redoing how things were done but there is a result. give me something to come back to. the assumption was ok she's been let a loose cannon so she'll take care of me til I die. she's witnessed my life falling apart. then the dumbest judge on earth does something so completely stupid that I lose all footing...

so as usual my mother tells me something someone said that contradicts what I said. She refuses to tell me who though which doesn't mean I think she's lying. She taught me long ago very clearly not to trust the insurance. That's not the case these days. If she is talking to anyone with the insurance she has to remember they are saving money for the insurance and not on her side. Claire is even worse. I have confidence that after hearing things from the insurance that don't sound too good she can piece that together. She just needs to be careful what dominoes she starts because she hasn't been around ALL this time to get the full picture like my mother's uncooperation with the insurance long ago. One person I know that works for insurance says be nice to these people and you've got it made. That was NOT the case of this hurt and angry immigrant my mother. After being forced to live in the boonies due to her husband and then losing her second child by death; added on is the massive medical responsibilities she suddenly had and it doesn't help matters that prior to her having needy children she stayed away from "people like that." Now suddenly all eyes were on her. She pissed off the insurance from the start and the insurance had a field day with what they knew. Oh and when she said I just don't want to work I knew she's listening to some lie about me. She knows I have a high work ethic. Needs to make sense of it somehow I guess even if that means lies. And the tragic novel continues...

I need to speak now or never. I guess when I received the piece of the mail from surrogates Court with no warning or preparation whatsoever (the norm so I should know better) that it all started to come clear I've been dependent on dead air so to speak. I cant believe no matter what I do or say she's not registering or accepting my reality. going on my bucket list in September she didnt take serious; as I run out of money she has no response; and the list goes on. I now have $600 to my name and I had planned on paying all my overdraft protection with the $400 I had to transfer in but that wont happen coz $250 of that $400 has to go to bills. I need to plan for no one saving me and no one taking care of me.

had another out of the blue dream. this time the friend who committed suicide in 1987 was either alive again and committed suicide again or he appeared to all of us to give the vision of suicide.I think it was the first scenario. you could feel love and peace in the air. he started doing yard work from the other side to help out. I literally watched yard tools doing work with no one there. I think that's the first time I've seen that 1987 friend in my dreams. Or actually remember him being in my dreams.

ok trying to explain the mother can take care of simple basic things but there's some confusion. I got an estimate for two things wrong with my car. one has to be done and not doing the other means just having a noisy car. I told her I might just get the one done just in case I have other emergencies that come up. her response was she didnt know what to tell me sounding like she has endless resources to pay for everything. confusion... She's either ignoring or not accepting that I'm not going to have anything to live off of soon. In other words she has no problem taking care of band aids. But to heal deep infected wounds she's dead air. Not fixing those wounds by mediation is having me stare death in the face. ????

I'd actually be home in 5 days given a reason to return. would have to drive a 12 hour day just once to avoid staying in the heart of tornado alley.

ok so the initial stress that brought this on is over with. I saved my mother money by 1. paying for the estimate and 2. getting only the necessary work done. unlike past times though I have to document what is going on. I cant believe my emotional well being and other more-than--the-basics was left to dead air but I assume that's how insurance plays it's game.

so wonder what out of the blue dream I'll have tonight. cant express the breadth and depth this has on me. a friend from hs stopped talking to me and it really hurt so I tried to take a look at it like it's prob bcoz I dont interact the way other adults do....basically something I did consistent with growing up where I never had people stick up for me so it must be my fault. a woman today got to know my story that I completed my bucket list and I was not interested in praying with her due to my own deal. insurance guy long ago not only fulfilled my mothers wishes for me to be outside the system but fed into her loose cannon freedom that has me wishing upon a grave. No one is going to save me and God love the friend out here that is such a comfort but her suggestions are only going to do so much. Yes I understand she graduated with a 3.95 GPA and had
no problem getting different jobs until recently when she spent 1year out of work, sent 120 resumes, got 6 interviews, and 2 offers. My situation is more tragic. I have a friend who misses the mother she knew before mom developed Alzheimer's disease. My mother may as well had Alzheimer's all this time. She was never there for me in what I needed. She was supportive but not the total parenting plus that I needed. I cant accept this. I cant accept being obviously ignored and then salt even further to the wound a Court judge Deanne M Wilson ignoring me further. She dodged her parental duty, is getting away with it...

waiting for my one shower/wk. just left my mother a voicemail after she couldnt hear me over the cell phone about taxes, etc. told her that w/o knowing who she's talking to about me she needs to talk to someone in voc rehab or the hosp. I'm not lying so why else would I be saying. I have $600 to my name. it takes $300 alone in gas to get home. no I'm going to die out here. never heard back from the Surrogate's Court. her...shower

sorting thru the confusion of how I got here it all started to unravel with my admission denial to marist college in Poughkeepsie. After I insisted on diagnosis my senior year of high school my mother called up her friend who was a retired nurse (and who has carried knowledge about us to her grave) about what to do. This is when I wound up at a neuropsychologist office in NYC. She recommended marist and I was denied admission based on my hs grades. Here's the key: INSTEAD OF GETTING A PROFESSIONAL INVOLVED RE A DOCTOR'S EVALUATION AND RECOMMENDATION SHE AND HER UNEDUCATED COUSIN CALLED UP MARIST TO NO AVAIL. THE BRAIN INJURY ENVIRONMENTAL NEEDS HAD STILL NOT BEEN DIAGNOSED YET.

Now more unraveling: right at the time I was given a diagnosis I met the guy I would date for the next 7-10 years. Spending time with him made me get called down to my guidance counselor's office that I may not graduate. He helped me in my assignments to graduate. I was the wind beneath his wings in making sure he gets into college. As he would do so, all he would complain about was punching a clock day in and day out at Edwards Engineering Factory. So he got his butt in gear and got his college application in the mail. He went on a family weekend orientation and I went with him. I was impressed with the orientation and since I was denied access to college I applied. I got accepted. On the admissions orientation he stayed over at the guys dorm and I stayed with the 3 roommates I was assigned to. This is where and when social petrification
peaked (later diagnosed as brain injury specific social skill deficits). So being petrified I ran to him and "dragged him away from the good time he was having while trying to get to know new friends and I think I had a sobbing session (many more of those to come).

It was high school I didn't almost graduate but the new facebook is not letting me edit. So the recklessness that got me to this point was under the radar screen with my mother having to answer to anyone and why my mother had her cousin call Marist instead of her sister is because her sister had told my mother a long time ago how unfair it was to put me back in catholic school after the accident. Although Aunt Maureen will deny it now, she can't forget that her initial reaction after I told her everything a couple years back was "I said that!" She worked in the school system - I THINK the public school system but at any rate she worked in the cafeteria for a good 20 years in the school system in NYC so she was around that atmosphere everyday.
I'm not sure if she said it was unfair to put me back in catholic school or not leave me back a grade after the accident. I'll be comfortably numb in about 4 hours. My bad. I could have edited the top message. so the key now after being recklessly led away from marist is the undiagnosis of needing a familiar environment as one of many symptoms. I had fallen into an easier lifestyle in that environment: no one cared if you wore rags and no makeup every day. sure many cruel things raped my spirit like being referred to as the odd couple because he was overweight and I walked with a limp and being raped by the psychiatric industry while insurance no-fault paid for it, etc. I lived at home for a while downstairs while taking courses at the community college. still undiagnosed returned to that college after the county college living in an apartment. this is the first time my sole caretaker visited me and witnessed my living conditions which clearly indicated I was not like normal other people. she did nothing but eventually accept that I'm just not a clean-up type person. the boyfriend moved me to the next college I went to and created a setup for me to thrive in. I got
involved in the local brain injury program and that's when I met a counselor who lived with brain injured vets at the u of Texas Austin and my symptoms were just another case of deficits in right frontal lobe injury of deficits in organization, prioritization, initiation, thought-provoked emotions, social inhibition, etc. etc. etc. by this time I was so isolated and no family to connect with and relate to. had to move out of that illegal apartment for a while and dont remember if boyfriend refused to move me then or the next time but since he stopped moving me I've lived out of boxes. the key for my future here is I had legal time limits to act on that I didnt know and had no family to get a grip. after having one session with this counselor my ex saw as clearly as I did and also being legally moronic simply took a coniption fit in my car by throwing orange juice around that made my car drive shaft forever freeze in the winter time. no justice. no peace and this will continue...

so while thriving out of boxes the insurance case worker set up to have someone help me clean. I'm guessing the only thing that got thru was picking up papers because after this girl helped me pick up papers and organize them a bit I said "ok now let's get a bucket ready for cleaning the floor." she said "I'm only hired to help you pick up papers." the whole thing fell apart of getting the housekeeping help I needed I was too busy with school to keep track of everything else in my life. I totally get this girl even though I didn't tell her. she moved up here from pa and her father is a clergyman. she is some country guy's dream come true as the infamous preacher's daughter. this is what my ex thought of me when he was so in love with a girl who supposedly had no life before him. my ex was in love with a notion, not me. so I get it this girl was swooned and married but learned early on to swallow her emotions. that's just how north country men are. you either convert to acting like a man to country north country guys or you're asking for trouble. the one north country guy I fell head over feet about wasnt country and was a geek putting on a mr. cool act and making an ass out of himself. I was going to bring out the best in him. my intuition knew this. now I'm wishing upon a grave because there has been no other puzzle piece that fits just right and if he were to come to me now after all he's done to let my life become what it is, I'd be sitting in the slammer.

so by the time I had an aid come evaluate my cleaning needs in my own house under state services it all fell apart because my house wasn't messy enough it was evaluated as a cluttered mess instead of a sticky mess which is too high functioning for services. my oldest sister raised her youngest son under those same conditions. he was too smart for slow classes and too slow for regular classes. the airhead has $600 left to realize her mistake with me. her son had a parent educated in this country to help him with school every night. we all know what I had... dead air leaving me to be cared by the schools who doesnt get it that that kind of total school care is only gotten by a boarding school.

does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? remember how she said that we would meet again some sunny day? Vera! Vera! what has become of you?

correction - it was county services not state that said I wasnt messy enough for services. when I was assaulted by police not only did they use my clutter as a mental problem but the final straw was seeing urine in the toilet. there's evidence after I was raped by the medical community they went in my basement and saw the reason why: I had plumbing problems with old cast iron pipes that I was waiting for money to fix the problem. Claire assante mould better wake the hell up. she's only got so much time. she said to me my sister will never know wut it's like to enjoy sex. with her head lost inside of dogma she's not piecing together 1. not only is that the dumbest thing I ever heard but 2. imagine being able to completely enjoy sex but social inhibition and other factors keep certain brain injured unable to have a steady partner for enjoyment I swear this... loss for words. this family needs intervention so much that... Summary anyone?

 March 8th 2013

 March 10th 2013
 I dont use my name or photo on fb so if u get one from "me" or look like me, it aint me!

and by the way there are about 22 people out there on fb with my name.

This judgmental waitress did it again. Got greeted with some story by the manager that I'm in people's way when I only sit there everyday. I complied but when done with my herb tea decided not to set foot in there again. Looked this chick in the eye. She knows what she did.

so it's been going over in my head what my mom said something about preparing for when she's not around. that doesnt include me. being left a loose cannon with no one to intervene that's what it boils down to. so my constant dependence on her including calling out to her in vain as I was being assaulted by police, she makes sense of as just my ways and one of those things. if she doesn't prepare for me then I'm looking at being dead before her and according to the last time she talked I'm on my own. there is no life insurance policy and nothing to provide for my death. how do I know if my father left me any $$ to survive on. all she said about him is that he left everything to her. that very well could be a lie. I've known this woman's well meaning lies that turned tragic.

so not sure what woke me up at 2am but working on getting back to sleep. I never want to wake up. I find it very unusual the amount of birds I hear. at night?what?

does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? remember how she said that we would meet again some sunny day? Vera! Vera! what has become of you?

 March 11th 2013
I found out a way to empty out a truckers lounge with dish TV! They were open to suggestions for what to put on. I said big bang theory. Some grumbled. most left. A few think it's funny. They can change it if they'd like. Until then mission accomplished. I'm in a near empty room now! lol

I'd love to know who's calling up my NY phone and playing classical music on my voicemail. Is it the same person who saved my voicemail msgs for 2 months only deleting them after I noted it on strike debt Facebook? Is it hanibal lector? Today 3:35pm est time was a short clip and last thurs I have it noted as 3:39 pm est and it took up the whole 2 minutes or whatever voicemail allows. Should I start calling myself Clarice?

keeping note of what these days have in common. a "Katrina" spoke to me in the bathroom both of these days who's been living in her car a year but doesnt sleep here...just does her makeup and hair here and is religious. keeping note in case it's another actress like Jean Rocco (jay Lori?). when I was fit and trim over 20 years ago lots of people watched my ass. I always watch my ass and there go the fire trucks...

well since Hannibal Lecter and Clarice came to mind after receiving a phone call 4 days and 4 minutes apart, I just finished re-watching Silence of the Lambs after 21 (?) years. Just to think that in all that time I went no place. Of all I was supposed to do...what else is 4? 4th grade, 4 years old, 1982 was 4 years after 1978. My testing reveals I'm above average in 2 areas: long term memory and patterns. freak shows happen in 3s and 4 is one later. "According to Chazal, our Sages, the number four signifies completion, wholeness, or fullness, as we shall see." I don't remember that 20 years ago I understood or it stood out to hear "Oneida Park, NY" or "Plumb Island" or "plumb (island) animal research..." I don't remember if at the end of the movie I realize he called her from Papua New Guinea where they practice cannibalism. I'm guessing I completely forgot about how the movie puts psychiatrists in a bad light. It also puts trans-sexuals in a bad light but that's more of the time period whereas these days trans-sexuals are more of an ok thing than then. 4 rhymes with door, lure, more (and variations), core, shore, etc. I really need to be busy with mind is really too empty.

If I'm dead in 600 more dollars it wont matter anymore. I've seen Katrina more often and today she invited me to her church. I thought I already made myself clear but anyway I'm not trying to be mean. NUMBER 4 The world, completion, practice, repetition, realization of power, ability to use practical thinking, basic form of order, prepare for renewal, instinctual knowledge... 4 is made up of three and one (3+1=4), and it denotes His creative works. He is known by the things that are seen. Hence the written revelation commences with the words, "In the beginning God CREATED." Creation is therefore the next thing - the fourth thing...Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things.

Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance...and the possibilities continue.

I guess we can mourn what we've done but China just became the biggest importer of fossil fuels(?). China also doesnt care about destroying aboriginal Australian heritage in its appetite for uranium mining.

 March 12th 2013
So if you've been following all my posts I must now post everything after realizing firsthand my mother was never really there after all. She loved the idea I was driving across the country, and when she said her friend was questioning me going by myself I asked her if she told them it's my bucket list. She passed me off as frivolous. When I said I'm going to die out here she said I'm just talking crazy. Just like Christine has been saying for close to 30 years she's trying to get her paralyzed arm better (which there are treatments for these days) and she passes it off as Christine just talking. I have $600 to my name, yet another employment agency is not hopeful about my employability because I dont have enough experience under my belt...a witness is a witness.

March 13th 2013
Mark my words ... With this nice weather, something is most likely going very bad for me. If the spell has been broken then it's going very bad for someone else.

 March 15th 2013
 Another day and no idea if anybody or anything is going to save this life.
The truth I live for (and the lies that ever so depress me): "dec 25 1642 Julian calender ...jesus on the other hand was actually born in the summer. His bday was moved to coincide with with the traditional pagan holiday that celebrated the winter winter solstice with lit fires..." - Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

 March 17th 2013

March 18th 2013
God which is in all of us is activated. This is prominent when we help others. I will find out tomorrow if the help suggested to me today is going to help me. This is partly from someone who served in Vietnam and is currently being f*cked by the govt. Been there. Done that. Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? Remember how she said that we would meet again some sunny day? Vera!Vera! What has become of you? Does anybody else in here feel the way I do? I may sound like I'm going off the deep end. I need protest to be at the Morris county Surrogate's Court. Oh pineal gland oh pineal gland open up and consume me from this harsh lonesome reality that will kill me.

suggestions haven't worked so far. now b4 anyone starts their mindless chatter about feeling sorry for oneself as another way to slap me in the face (names of the guilty withheld) consider all options have run out after whining and waiting for someone to keep medical guard over me.

depressed. it doesnt help that my meals today (and many more days to come) consisted of endocrine-disrupting, thyroid-destroying canned foods. one of my face slappers,in downgrading my hardship, said how they lived in a leaking tent eating nothing but canned food for months. if they dont have the catastrophic injuries I had as a child. perhaps their situation can handle that. congratulations.

was watching...wait let me finish that thought...the face slapper doesnt get it that those catastrophic injuries were only made into life altering dna due to medication imposed and surgeries imposed...never mind. if she's that dense in piecing it together let her waddle away in her own little world. anyway tonight was a very emotionally charged CSI episode when Hodge's wife is killed... er criminal minds...but his son was unfounded by the killer. at a certain point I started to decipher it and light hearted shows like big bang...lo and behold a trucker turned it to big bang after for a break from the heavy emotion and the trucker who wanted to change the channel so bad burst out laughing more than I did. he's getting in touch w his inner geek . so I'm very alone and just wanting this life over with. the guy I dated for too long and then called me after he had his first fight with now wife, is a good church going girl. wonder what her church thinks of me. I may sound like I'm stuck in the past but have to remember what u see is not what u get.

March 19th 2013
Short sighted holy rollers who think they're doing god's work when instead they refuse to have open ears and a heart to LISTEN...geesh! Dogma will kill us all.

March 20th 2013
I need $7.55/day for my fresh food (not canned) back!!!!!!! atleast for now I have some fresh garlic to cut into my rhaman noodles.

Bad food is putting me in a bad mood. Let's see the nutritional value for tonight's dinner:
not too bad tasting but still not my full meal. once I had to start eating this crap got sick with what I guess is seasonal allergies. never had anything like that til I lived in govt housing downtown syracuse. green mint tea cured all my symptoms but cant buy that without $$$. one food pantry included Chinese oolong tea which is a good thing. the bad part was I took 1 bite from the power bar before I noticed its expiration date was 2011.

 it's actually easier to die this way. I'm hating life living like this. instead of having natural or somewhat natural
peanuts to snack on before sleep I had to have some canned chili w beans. gross as a snack. threw out the portion sticking to the sides of the can.

this sucks. guessin I woke up at 2:20 coz I couldnt breathe w this "cold" doesn't help that I dont have a usual sleep aid due to $$. had another place say they wouldnt help me coz I'm single and they only help families.

March 23rd 2013
despite my grave outlook -not sure if there's a pun there but if so it's intended- I'm in good spirits today after getting back in touch with a friend after 12 years. This is one of those really intelligent people who could have it all but last I knew just wants enough. As I was re-aquainting myself with their outlook I found myself chuckling and saying "you're so occupy!"

Tonights dinner was canned sweet green peas w spam & a clove of garlic chopped in. TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALERT: constipation sucks!

March 25th 2013
Have to do more research on it but ironically it looks like one of my infamous bullies in high school stacy a kaditus had a family member who was an attorney and what threw me last night was a listing popped up as a truck accident attorney which drives home the point I was surrounded by apathetic drug addicts who did nothing to save a life. In hs Stacy literally had a drug problem sent away to MN for treatment. She said being there wasnt so bad because they let you smoke. At the time her parents had fallen out of love sleeping in separate rooms but staying together for the kids. She would joke about being Lithuanian but at that age hard to tell it was a joke (if). Terra maggio is the one who let me know some people thought I was on drugs (undiagnosed brain injury in inappropriate schooling). Those claiming I'm living in the past better wake up to a cold case unsolved file looking back at them. Solve it before I become another part of it...I'm not sure if Stacy went to MN because of family in the Midwest or the mayo clinic or both. Her Uncle may have been a corporate Atty instead. I have enough to buy me apple cider vinegar, garlic cloves, pepper, herbs, and gas and not sure how long it will last me. Like my mother I'm not good with planning. My mother is not good with accepting or communicating. Speaking of which, Stacy lives 1 or 2 Towns over from my clueless, undiagnosed older sister that the Court has granted sole guardianship to. Again this is not a dwelling in the past but rather an above average long term memory and an unsolved case with gross negligence involved. Maybe corruption is a better phrase than negligence.

and 1 shower a week and hair dye, etc

what's probably happening is that Claire let the insurance case worker know I could be found on Facebook and she's reading everything building a case against my mother or seeking to have the case closed. Claire doesnt know that the series of events leading to the police assaulting me all started with that woman threatening to close the case and then falsely telling the hospital I was imprisoned in that the insurance doesnt cover that kind of care. that's why Claire needs to deal directly with the INS and not this piece of trash nurse who's originally from Troy NY or thereabouts and doesn't belong in nj.

March 26th 2013
sitting here crying watching this video. I just don't have the energy for this game anymore I just want to work. Even if I ace this game, then I have to get through an interview (another game). After that I have to make it thru the social heirarchy game, and on and on...I need to be home coming full circle with my injured sister who deserves so much more than living with mentally retarded, etc just because she has a brain injury. She was a straight A student before a car accident. She deserves so much more *exhale*

$15.80/wk sleeping med, $9.54/wk daily coffee, $20/wk gas. my $300 left isnt going to last 2 months (outside of money to get home). money left w/o paying credit cards is only $10-$50/mo(no exact calculation yet). I can try getting a job with a bad credit report. I can hope collectors wont garnish wages.

Email to my VESID counselor in Feb or March 2013
I just received my mail last week and see that there's a letter from you dated Jan 7. I see you didn't mention that Legal Services had called you and made you aware of my whereabouts. I'm waiting to die. I'm not going to survive without a job and I'm out of time to wait for the interview/acceptance/denial process. I'm trying very hard through different channels to return to the east coast under a situation I can survive under.

I'm in constant contact with people going after different ideas, etc, Some of those emailed have been at the hospital I was at as a child. But very soon the last of my money will run out, $611/mo in social security isn't going to do enough for me, and there's no way I'm doing bankruptcy or welfare when I was prepared in life to be working after college. Just so you have an idea of how prepared in life I was to go into my career without the obstacles put up against me by VESID (now ACCESS VR) of Malone by a man named Stephen Novacich and others whom I had never met like Nancy Davis, you can watch this video: This video is of the top care I received from this very reputable hospital. But that hasn't meant enough in NYS.
Here's another video of this hospital I rehabilitated in ready to live life:
I don't have enough money for a lawyer and if you want to save a life fix this internal NYS mistake. I'm $70,000+ in debt with no way to pay. In order to survive a bit longer than originally expected I stopped paying my credit cards and live on one meal a day while I have to pay for my own nutritional supplements like iodine because I'm iodine deficient. So who's going to hire me now that my credit is near shot? It's only been approximately 2 months since I stopped paying them.

Ideally I would be working from home in the house that I own paying down my debt.

So finally got in touch with mother and car will be done at a later time. The more pressing issue is her incoherent existence. I tried to make it known yet again I'm a formerly injured child who cant take care of myself. All she did was day "well you did this and you did that." I tried to make it known that that's why a child needs things taken care of when they're a child so they have what they need as an adult. when I said we need counseling or mediation and Claire needs to be included she said to stop "this shit." I was in the middle of typing and she just called doing the usual talking to me about the car and ignoring the deep-rooted problems we just fought about before I left two long messages at the surrogate Court about her incoherence and my impending death.

does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? remember how she said that we would meet again some sunny day? Vera! Vera! what has become of you?

now I remember...the conversation escalated when she said what she did having to come to America and work. yet again I reminded her she was not a formerly injured child. her response was ignoring anything I had to say as if I'm a liar or using excuses.I'll my mom is a fine person but not for her handicapped children especially when she defines someone like me in a subcategory...there's so much more emotional abuse I cant get out but this is the fights she complained to the Court I keep fighting with her about.

more of the regular abuse has been I'm only saying things because someone's putting it in my head which has stripped me from living a full life with any confidence in what I do. reality is that my mother goes by what people put in her head because she's an immigrant who needs to go with the right flow. I cant accept the reckless loose canon who got me here and the Court is allowing it. I came home from the hospital wanting to continue cooking and sewing like the rehabilitative hosp had me do and she wouldnt let me. she wont accept responsibility that I'm a product of my upbringing. I'll be comfortably numb in 8 hrs.

So anyway, I'm trying to record here why it was so very important for me to have life outside of her house. Now I have very little choice. I have a house to live in in NY only if I can get employment in the area (even a work from home) but for me to work from home I need help setting it up and checking in with someone for various reasons. I can go live with her at any given time. I just haven't been away for so long for no reason. It's time for things to be done right and it seems to me it's time for family counseling or mediation. I always pictured coming back with all of us having closure (not closing off!!!!!!!!!!). I remember one time maybe 2004 or 2003 she talked about how much I have to come back there but very vague with no plan. I think she mentioned counseling but I knew that entailed without Claire so that the whole picture was not fixed and I know she feels it's a waste of time so I really didn't have much to go on. idk ... more to come...

so i didn't even bother getting the work done today even though I could have because there's a gaping wound under these band-aids. She'll come around to taking care of stuff I need for survival but my least concern was the car after hearing the same old destructiveness over the phone this morning. Intervention is needed. The total solution problem needs to be fixed. Not these band aids to keep me going. SOS!

so I guess this is my babble spot because I came home from a hospital to chaos: fighting with Claire, no joking around, not allowed to do anything because I wasnt going to do it right, little noises would set my mother off, until he got sick with cancer my father would either be out at the knights of Columbus or downstairs drinking with our family dog keeping him hs and beyond my mother would laugh anytime I said the word stress making out that I was being brainwashed by American psychobabble. in the end she turns around in a Court of law making me out to be a stressor. thank God I have my alcohol now bcoz I have no other tranquilizers.

that's another thing that happened during today's escalation. she said "if your father was alive..." I said if my father was alive I wouldnt be in the mess I'm in. he would have been there to give me proper guidance. she mocked me talking about guidance as if there's no such thing and I'm crazy. I said in America. That if I wasnt supposed to go to college or not leave Nj he would have been there for that guidance. She still went on arguing how dumb I am. This is nothing new. This is the medical harassment I have been abandoned to long ago. The Irish band cranberries have a song harassment is not my forte"...that's my prime existence in and outside the home.

so now that facebook has brought my old message(s) back up to the top, I guess I'll continue here. Called her this morning to make final arrangements about the car for when it will be done. Everything's fine and normal. There's no one to fix this travesty that I went without essential needs (other than meals, hygiene, and a safe roof over my head) all these years and no one is stepping in to fix the end result. Anyway, I was saying how she's providing all these bandaids to keep me alive thinking it's a service to me and don't get me wrong I know how utterly more devastated I would be without her there for me in that capacity but the huge gushing wounds under the band aids need to be fixed and the only way I see it at this point is mediation. She can't understand where I am in America and I need my caretaker to do so. Anyway need to get back to this later.
sorting thru the confusion of how I got here it all started to unravel with my admission denial to marist college in Poughkeepsie. After I insisted on diagnosis my senior year of high school my mother called up her friend who was a retired nurse (and who has carried knowledge about us to her grave) about what to do. This is when I wound up at a neuropsychologist office in NYC. She recommended marist and I was denied admission based on my hs grades. Here's the key: INSTEAD OF GETTING A PROFESSIONAL INVOLVED RE A DOCTOR'S EVALUATION AND RECOMMENDATION SHE AND HER UNEDUCATED COUSIN CALLED UP MARIST TO NO AVAIL. THE BRAIN INJURY ENVIRONMENTAL NEEDS HAD STILL NOT BEEN DIAGNOSED YET.
 Edited • Like • Edit • Just now

April 1st 2013
Research assignment: who was located on floor six tower I and II of the WTC when they fell? and what did it contain which is most likely the reason the govt wont comment on it? insider information alert.

Kevin Montanye it's the end of my life. Although my welfare doesnt hinge on you, by never speaking to me again and playing dodgeball where ever my existence was, losing my environment cold turkey was unrecoverably destructive. I guess you also thought I'd never find out that there's no way you'd be specialized trained as a cav scout if you're a weekend warrior. My God I made sure you got to college yet you convinced urself I had no life before you, was the preacher's daughter type, used reverse psychology in isolating me from my friends, and I'm the one left with no marriage, no kids, and no career. The first fight you and Maria had was the same reverse psychology bullshit you used on me. How do I know? You called me up after you and her had ur first fight and I told you to give the girl a break. I guess she's still with you because she's the good girl you always wanted. I never would have gone for my kids not seeing their grandmother over personal grievances like you did. And you didnt post pics of ur son because he looks like you. When I tell you how dead wrong you were about me wrong applies to you and dead applies to me now that you've sucked the life right out of me. So you just cant accept what the Davenport side of the family looks like. One of them became a tennis champion. Not having my father around as you threw rocks at my window because you just couldnt let go is a large part of what did this life in. you never got me coz you dont get urself and u never will. Ur first fight with Maria was ur misgiving of her being polite yet ur the politest person people know. My dad would have saved me from what my life turned into. You dont even have the decency to own up to you being wrong about the undiagnosed life you helped ruin. My life never would have come to this had my father been alive or my mother atleast started dating again. Maybe you understand things better now that you have kids. some day we'll know how we ever crossed paths. Until then it's a cosmic accident.

April 3rd 2013
One of these days I'm going to snap and tell these Mexicans striking up a conversation w me who speak broken English that I'm waiting to die in this country I was born in coz I cant get hired in this country I was born in coz jobs are going to other countries and illegal immigrants in this country. Hell I'm willing to work fulltime w/in social security guidelines but that's below minimum wage which is illegal in this country so I cant even get ahead that way. W all due respect, go the fuck home, fuck NAFTA, and let me live you ablebodied alien!

Received a call from hr for an interview for an entry level position at the hosp I was in as a child. Said I need a phone interview. She said there's a lot of applicants for the position and will let them know/ask them and call me back if it is. Que sera sera.

April 5th 2013
Masonic illuminati on history channel and secret societies. Rip jfk.

April 7th 2013
Depressed...actually not worth typing about. Reminder no marriage, no kids, no career. Karma's boomeranging on someone bigtime and it aint me.

April 8th 2013
Sometimes the goodness in people is abundantly clear when it's obvious you're in need. Sometimes it's not obvious how the universe works but somehow you wind up around people knowing God probably made that happen.

I just applied for work in a way which clearly indicates I just cant tell the employer what they're looking to hear. I stated my case honestly and honesty is not going to save this sinking ship. I have a flash back of when a career counselor once told about a guy who got out of prison and on a job app said he'd been working for NYS govt and it was never questioned and he was in a secure career. Funny part about me is that I never committed a crime for the prison I live in. was just the passenger of a car raised in an inappropriate situation that does not reflect my job performance.

Fyi my mother has stated she's not going to do whatever she doesnt have to do thus if the Court doesnt tell her to live up to parental obligation etc she's not doing sh*t. The uneducated loose cannon doesnt know the meaning of pro se. I only have so much time.

April 11th 2013
Hire me! Hire me! Hire me! Hire me! Before it's too late hire me! I'm more than worth the $13/hr part time because I do fulltime work! Hire me! my ability to get the work done they want thru my training, dedication, and persistence. hurry up before my time runs out!

B.S. in technical communications; qualified to do help desk; love people nationwide; the list goes on. in all honesty I've been so patient with demands and parameters that I will die soon without a job. hurry up and hire me before time runs out!!

April 12th 2013
I see that my mothers sister is following me online. Well aunt Maureen this is very serious and beyond your understanding of my American life. Things just got worse that I need to prepare to change my environment again next week which has become earth shattering doing so all by myself. The towel is getting closer. These uneducated women better do something. Things just got worse. The people in my life that it seems God made sure were here cant control everything. You better hurry up aunt Maureen. Me mentioning Edward Michaels highlights the shit I'm left to rot in while no one takes appropriate care of my life. I'm not kidding you! You can't give my mother proper advice coz you dont carry the load she does. I'm not kidding you about my death if there's not appropriate intervention.

it's not like I dont know what I'm talking about. my cousin lived here illegally from Europe for a while. he came, worked making lots of money installing hardwood floors and then went back at his own free will. while he was here my mother got her hardwood floors installed cheaper coz it's family and I'm STILL waiting to die because I have no one taking care of me and cant get someone to hire me.

Eddie Michael went back, got married, has kids, ran the family business for a while. free to move around Europe, and when this last bunch of money I have goes I have enough money to get back to the east coast in a justified Surrogate's Court situation, a job that will keep me atleast at snorkeling level, or return to the universe.

hmmm my post with 90 comments is gone? time to repost them all tomorrow I guess. I'm not dying w/o it being known why.

Found out that in CA when new manager discovered 4 Mexican workers had same social security # mngr said "I wont have this" and company said "then I guess you need to go find another job." That they did. many immigrants (undocumented) do work for under min wage but there's no way I can get away w that based on my residency, etc. my life is worth this?
... for the legal Americans who wont work these jobs but are able to, give them no choice but to work them. disabled competent workers can work! *gasping for my native north America air* hey Claire remember being all for Ross Perot because of NAFTA? another piece proving your intellect when it comes to your OWN family. you were born into an evil bunch huh? and I'm very sorry but the price of your "work crime" makes my disability a crime.  
need to research this law
mom is short-sighted.

it's not like I dont know what I'm talking about. my cousin lived here illegally from Europe for a while. he came, worked making lots of money installing hardwood floors and then went back at his own free will. while he was here my mother got her hardwood floors installed cheaper coz it's family and I'm STILL waiting to die because I have no one taking care of me and cant get someone to hire me.

April 13th 2013
Depressed...not about being called turns out the guy who said I was rude is not the guy who gave me a money donation. On top of the prospect of having to change my environment we're in the company of an ex-gang member who's here to get away from them and I dont care if his homies wind up killing me tonight if they find him and things get ugly here, I'm afraid of getting injured and still being alive.

found out today that at least in Calif there existed remedial education in Catholic school for those who needed it in my generation. wut happened in my particular case is that I was friends with a girl named Raina who was so smart she got into school early and skipped some grades. when my mother tells me she got me into school early I can see wut happened. for some reason they wouldn't let me in early so my mother being fed up with this small town attitude insisted I was ahead and got me in early by taking me to NYC everyday having me use my aunt's address as my own until I turned 5. then she had me finish kindergarten in the public school rather than the Catholic school who denied me admission. 1st grade I was an above average student. that summer I was thrown into a coma. I'm not quite sure how I never got left back. there was a sense of urgency some place to not leave me back a grade ever. when I tested Catholic hs my testing didnt place me in the lowest IQ class so I fell thru the cracks again. I bombed freshman math so sophomore year was put in remedial math which I did so well at that the next year they put me back in reg algebra and I bombed again. Claire's realization of me is going to drop on her head like a tonne of bricks. not only did her son have appropriate homework help, not only did he have a normal brother and home life, not only did he go into an appropriate tech school...when I'm dead my first line of business is to make her good sex husband go impotent and deflate the air in her lungs so she can have at least a clue how right under her clueless nose my
life was left to turn into the pile of shit that it did. with the type of stress I have coming at me on Monday I'm
contemplating not waiting around so long. our accident was probably a set-up as revenge for my mother proving the schools wrong. lo and behold there's that Rush song about those changes are permanent and my father is at fault while alive but my mother kept it up unmonitored all those years.

me being kept the same w no extra thought has been deemed "not right. the school should have told your parents..." and I agree and wouldn't put it past my parents to decline that advice. I cant remember how old I was when my 8th grade teacher told me she didnt think it was fair they didn't tell me my father was dying. that's probably not all she thought wasnt fair along with many of the other teachers. so help me God the stupidity passed on to the eldest daughter. the air to be deflated from her lungs probably matches the amount in her head and the surrogate Court is just as bad. after taking my shower tomorrow I'll have $148 to keep me alive for a short time more and then I'll be in and out of service areas to hear if justice will be in my life or I'll be comforted by eternity. if I have to leave Monday that $148 goes even quicker. this is what this visitor was getting away from if it's true that's why they're here. their not necessarily an ex member. . We have been conscious of the car windows he's been looking in. my hopeful naivety would think he could be checking for weapons. Reality says he's looking to steal. His rear tinted windows SUV type vehicle was still here this morning. He addressed one of us as "homeboy" and then "gramps." he was in prison for 25 yrs and got out within the past 2 months or so. maybe he's trying to turn his life around which is what gangs dont like. I cant really help him. he just walked by talking to me and I responded I dont know. he just walked by with the soup I traded him for chilli before I knew anything about his history. I kept my distance as usual and here he comes. Just talked to me thru my window saying to go to the church at 10:30. "They have a lot of food." He gets it that I'm not interested in his company but is he telling me that to get me in at a certain time to break into my car? There go my plans for the day. I'm not going in for my shower until something changes here. One of the things he littered (a white bag with things in it) is still there. You ruin yourself if you litter here. I'm now parked directly behind him on the other side of the lot. Dark blue SUV/Jeep type vehicle w tinted windows on the middle and back part and a pretty clear view of the CA plate. A man gave him $ in front of the green van next to him and he went back inside to use it I assume. The same guy that gave him money looks like he's taking video with his phone holding the phone away & talking w white headphones on.

Bald white guy. Ex-prisoner just moved his Jeep over there and the engine keeps revving. Now he just moved it again or drove away. They're both drinking coffee from inside. Ok he's back 3 spots over from where he was hanging out w the bald guy. Bald guy was sharing white earphones with him and then gave him the whole device to use and they're talking/hanging.

They were joined by another white guy in shorts and the ex gang and him walked to go inside and I'm guessing the bald guy joined them. Just exgang and shorts came back and cant see them now coz there's a truck in the way blocking most of the blue jeep. Looks like he handed him his wallet or $ or both w ex gang's drivers side door open. Now they just made a left out of pkg lot and left but green van still here. Bald guy just got inside MoM truck driver's side and I'm moving car and doing shower and laundry. Found out yesterday that an older guy who gave me a money donation said I was rude. Have no idea where that comes from. It's probably his best guess with my NY plates. Actually I was very gracious to him and spoke highly of him. His donation allowed me to buy another bottle of apple cider vinegar which should last me 2 Weeks, a pack of cigarettes which will last me 3 Weeks because I only use 1 cigarette a day to help me sleep (sometimes 2) and canned goods to give back to the person here who has been so gracious to me. What was I to think? I was so thankful to him and when I was gone the next day he asked for me only but there's other people in need here. He hasnt spoken to me since and offered his home to others saying I was rude. WHAT?? whatever. I asked the other what was the vibe they got the day I was gone and it wasnt good. I said I'd keep it in mind. We came to call him my stalker. Ok so I go down in history as rude. Just like Claire who raised her kids around a certain ethnicity that have a rep for being rude so she compares me to them because she can only see as far as her eyesight will go AS WELL AS her inability to know her family. Whatever whatever whatever. A disabled child left to be strewn about by a reckless family and a failed society. No thanks for the added stress old guy. Next time you spoke to me I was going to tell you I need a job not handouts but I'm gracious for your help. Whatever!

April 15th 2013
had a join-em-if-you-cant-beat-em feeling today so I called up a union to see wut they could do for me. decided not to leave a message when I was greeted by a heavy Spanish accent of an armondo something something. I'll try this again tomorrow calling NY and Nj unions asking the same. probably no need to call Nj unions since I never had a problem getting a job in Nj AND I was never medically held against my will like the lunacy proceedings in ny.
I have to be gone by Friday. Death is that much closer. I have another place to go but that is irrelevant for my disability needs. Of all the SOS signals given thruout my disabled life and no one saving me ' I just don't understand how I wind up paying for all the crimes done to me ' this manager has bosses on his case. He's taking orders. I haven't bothered anyone or done anything wrong. I just stand out due to my handicaps and NY plates ' ' going home really soon. Not the earthly like I kept trying for because ' recklessness and stupidity I guess was my fate all along '

others know about brain injuries from combat say I should just go to Nj and go from there that doesnt sound promising to me

- returning without safeguards for the next time my caretaker (my mother)goes undocumented. I'm out of time to find out if my mother claims me as a dependent on her taxes. is that why she's so willing to pay for stuff? I just want to die in peace. it's agreed my mother was stupid to do things how she did.... never mind... much too much too someone got away with being stupid with me long ago. ok congratulations. do something now to save me but do something different than the colossal failure that has brought me here.
it's very clear I want to go to the home where I grew up. it's very clear I was not given adequate support and guidance. it's very clrar... never mind. I have no proof anyone is doing anything. it's very clrar she she didn...

 April 21st 2013
Still alive stretching out my last dollars and getting a wee bit of help from a donation now and again. After it's gone I'll get word that by some miracle this injured child is considered properly and can return home under conditions that work or this recklessly-treated injured child or will gamble $20 (maybe $40) to try to live a bit longer and head to wait for the end.

 April 22nd 2013
I'd like to be a member but cant give anything since I'm on my bucket list and prepared to die soon. No one will hire me even with my bachelor of science degree and what's probably catapulting the no hire is my forced hospitalization followed by inadequate legal counsel.

April 25th 2013
Ok so now that I've thoroughly looked into that I'm probably a doomed victim of corporate outsourcing and illegal hiring I developed a new knack for reading all about past lives and if it's true your dreams reveal a past life then I'm looking at having 3 elements add up: 1 death in relation to being hanged by the feet 2 a culture that is very colorful 3 lack of interest/bordering on fear of flying. 4th element might be the belief of the soul's reincarnation 3 days after death. Even if reincarnation is not true it's kind of funky to look into!

April 27th 2013
Got the opinion today that the children's hospital I was let go from isnt going to help me because there's nothing in it for them. If that's the case I really need to let go of this life. Something tells me that I was part of a great human experiementation SPECIFICALLY tied in to that hospital. c'mon, one of their branches is under PG&e. If that's not corporatocracy I dont know what is. Then again the opinion also came from someone who erroneously undermined my life by guessing I dont want to work so it doesnt mean they'd be correct about this. I didnt want to let go while my guardian still believes in those self-protecting lies but I really need to let go if the hospital lets me go as a dispensable commodity.

if the peeps who dont get this protest still feel the same about me, I'd have to say they're as abusive as what has led me to this point. *needing to let go*... Just babbling at this point...

 April 28th 2013
What sucks: having an above average long-term memory, having patterns-recognition as a stremgth and then needing to decide how to handle it. This time spirit has since given me warning signs that I'm wishing it was clear as day what is being revealed. This is where sleeping medication comes in handy because it's starting to not matter really big anymore to me right now and I'll wake up tomorrow with a different perspective. A better or worse perspective is yet to be seen but at least I'll "walk away" for a while. I'm still going to need to know how to handle it but a lot doesnt matter anymore becoz my life is dwindling. it kind of matters if my injury is used as an escape goat. It will just turn into a matter of letting go. If all else fails, no worry. I'm on my way.

Example of confidence given to me in life: when my parents moved from NYC to Nj they kept the house in NYC renting it out. She had a tenant named ray living there at one point who stopped paying his rent. when I would tell her to take legal action all she would do is say there are all kinds of laws protecting tenants in the city. I would hear her many times yell at him telling him to pay his rent and he would lie repeatedly saying he put it in the mail. I still kept after her to take legal action and she refused. This tenant left on his own accord never having paid his rent. When I was in the NYC nursing home a friend told me how her father or some family member got a nonpaying tenant out - it's the easiest method of getting someone out - cut and dry. Oh I dream of the spirit I will be returning to soon. I was always supposed to return back to my mother and sister even though I was written off as a useless idiot long ago by my guardian. She's going to gey away with it too unless my precious illusions are true that someone is actually fighting for me. Letting go of this life is hard
especially when there are so many unresolved issues like that. There is such a thing as being embraced by the light but I cant remember ever having that - cant even remember having a life review but it's the only explanation for remembering me so far back. I'm sure there are other happenings that indicate the loose cannon that raised me that will come to surface.

She wouldnt be so loose if she would just do something digferent. Like when I was 18 I suggested she get involved in a widow's group and she made me out to be an idiot. However 7 years later when her friend Barbara's husband died and she suggested my mom go with her to a widow group, only then she started going to one. By then I was nothing but an idiot college graduate. Now I'm just waiting to be embraced by the idiot light so if it's true you choose your family before you're born, I will be greeted by my fellow idiots.

April 29th 2013
"I'll be dead in a few months so why dont you just leave me alone and let me die in peace." Trying to see how that sounds to all the places I get kicked out of or nearly kicked out of.

April 30th 2013
For the second time in life I witnessed a branch falling from a tree on a clear day. Wonder what that means.

"They say every time a branch hits the Liberty Bell and angel gets it's wings."

May 1st 2013,_Ohio

May 3rd 2013    
Funny how that happened. Not 3 hrs in my new spot yet and get approached by a single guy over twenty yrs my senior interested in heavy set women. Didnt get to ask yet if I get dropped like a hot potatoe if I lose the weight I so desperately need to medically lose.

doesnt like tatoos or body piercings. might be a good match. I usually relate better to college graduates. he's a retired auto body worker. *shrug*

another only child. I think the universe keeps throwing those at me because I might as well have been one at least post accident. just conversation...

Hungarian descent. open and honest communication.never married and no kids - fresh from the hay - woot!just talking and friends until further notice. if I'm dead by then there's other fish in the sea. I remember when part of me died and looked into prostitution. No sense in looking for or expecting love again.

May 4th 2013   
Another one bit the dust yesterday. Someone known for a long time supposedly died in their sleep yesterday. Checked on when they didnt show up for their overnight work shift and discovered in their vehicle. Is that why my sleeping medication didnt work last night? And now that I'm "dead" on under 4 hours of sleep I still cant sleep? My body wont wind down. That's how I went through high school and other schooling on a couple hours of sleep a night. Is the dead keeping me awake and awake and I haunted? That doesnt explain my friend with the same injury that occurred around the same age with the same problem. They, though, remember their near-death experience.

May 5th 2013   
Missing home. Saw grandmother yesterday sitting with their child and spouse and grandbaby. If only my mother had spoken up through the years that her daughter doesnt seem to be going thru normal stages. but she didnt and I just need to die in peace this summer. successfully defined developmentally delayed yesterday.

May 7th 2013   
Sour subject alert: the place I go for coffee every morning doesnt have coffee because the machine is broken. (Background: so help the person who expects anything from me in the morn without my coffee). The mortified look on my face was obvious. The woman said she'd have to ask her manager if I could have mocha instead but didnt ask about the refill. I told her I'd be back in about 1/2 hr for refill. Come back in a 1/2 hr and greeted by illegal Mexican immigrant manager who pulls an attitude with me of how gracious they were giving me a mocha in place of coffee and they dont do refills. Then she started giving me an attitude about giving me tea instead. Man I ripped into her except saying "go back to your own fucking country so Americans have enough jobs of their own moron!"

May 8th 2013   
Sometimes it's good to stick with a strict Italian mama giving you a hard time. It pulls out of you a memory of what led your life into a mass confusion black hole completely inappropriate to my medical situation. now is not the time to disregard my ramblings because it will be sorely needed when I'm dead sometime this summer. My irish immigrant mother copied Italian mamas as a tool to survival. I've been informed that being given a hard time is for the good however in my developmentally needy circumstance it did the opposite of lifting me up. For example, being badgered about what I did in a situation carried over into any time a car accident happened. Instead of being able to point out what the other driver did I always got the ticket or was put down as being at fault because I never learned anything else. When perceiving someone doesnt like me I just assume it's over something I did. I've had that fight with my mother many times why she cant accept that maybe it's not something I did or why she cant just accept and's too late now to leave things the way they are. I'm too warped. Tried gambling today which started out good but I didnt know what I was doing yet (still getting used to it). It's either going to keep me alive a bit longer or suck me dry. I miss the old slot machines I used to play in Ireland as a kid in the pub where there were no age limitations on gamblimg. Anyway there's still time to save this life.

There are no laws on emotional abuse for the most part while I'm alive. No one stepped in to interfere what would be in my best interests and I need a PET scan to prove what parts of my brain are working and which arent. Tragically I dont think a PET scan can be performed in autopsy.

if I'm not going to die this summer someone needs to get the correct interference super fast

Brain Injury Lawyer: Proving a Brain Injury - PET Scans are the Gold Standard in Detecting a Traumat
perhaps trying to be medical guardian for my sister wasnt the answer for fixing this situation but it is a plea bargain to a situation that works in keeping me alive. this is no joke. if you could only witness the emulation put on by my mother.

"take a bow" was written for her. the employer Stacy put me in touch with is not calling me back along with all the other places applied to. I have enough money to get home and that's it. got ahead today $2.95.

 May 10th 2013  
Ok people let's look at ourselves objectively for a sec. After the Boston marathon bombing conspiracy theories flew - not right or wrong - just how it is. I didnt see the same with the Amanda berry, etal story. The connection would be that martial law is a good thing if it had taken place in Ohio ten years ago when these abductions happened and people were forced out of their homes there to search on this crime that could have been solved right away to avoid a decade of terror abduction. Just sayin.

 May 11th 2013

received the response from the children's hospital today. They only help people ages 0-21. Cant help me except make typical recommendations. Not good.

oh that's a loaded question. I think you can read all about it in all my posts on my profile. Basically I was let go from a children's hospital having none of the hospital recommendations followed. When my father died my oldest sister was given a court order she wasn't allowed back in the home after my mother acted out in court and NOTHING was done for me. If you followed my recent posts, my immigrant mother then acting the tough-loving Italian Mama didn't help. Instead of giving me positive reinforcement to do good in life, everything just fell apart. Of the people she gets advice from one is her sister who has no insight into raising a handicapped child in America and reinforces that once I turned 18, I'm on my own. So my mother holds tight onto the apron strings all the way up until I'm in my late 30's but saying that I'm on my own since I was 18 serves her well now. I was hoping the childrens's hospital could step in in convincing the surrogate's court that something is very wrong here. I'm not going to surivive and the sweet sounding Irish woman will get away with that in this country.... long story... you can read through my posts.

I'm still doomed the way things are. mom left me a message on my NY phone thanking me for the card and if I miss home then come home. THIS IS THE GAME PLAYED WITH A LIFE. NO MENTION OF ANYTHING DONE OR ANY TYPE OF SECURITY FOR THE HANDICAPPED CHILD SHE WAS SO WRECKLESS ABOUT. I'm not sure what part of "do something or I'm not going home" she doesnt understand and chooses to ignore. I'd like to choose now what I'm going to be in the next life. This highlights my intolerance for immigrants who dont know what the fuck they're doing in this country ruining lives along the way. Do the right thing or get the fuck out. In this instance my life is on the line because of some whining immigrant who is getting away with murder.

May 14th 2013  
familiar pattern ways are emerging. I'm not sure how long more this arrangement is going to work. I stopped myself when I realized their intelligence felt insulted.the ensuing he said she said along with exaggeratioms is not going to mesh with my sanity. I just want to die in peace - not nitpick.

I love you to sweetpea. saying I or they said things never said and sometimes going to 90 in .05 seconds flat...I've seen that the Italian way before. when I got burned by it before leaving home in 1990 it damaged my interactions and ability to trust innocent people. I've seen myself tolerate this stuff before until I simply become explosive. it's all going to come down to survival with a very short amount of time left.

this is a whole lot of stress. not feeling very stressed now coz I'm comfortably numb. worst of all cant handle the 0 to 90 in less than 5 seconds especially after sharing common ground only to have my responses unacceptable. that's kind of how I grew up. inappropriate to my medical needs but turn around and create an environment of dependency.

 May 15th 2013 
I had $33 to spend extra as I discovered a st Patrick's day and Easter present. I used it to try to survive longer. No go.

I had read how there really are $100,000 winners at the slot machines - one of them specifically at the 1 cent machines. I put $10 into a ¢1 machine and it nearly doubled. The rule is to walk away at that point - hindsight. It dwindled down to ¢35. I then put $20 in an unfamiliar machine but withdrew because didnt realize how machine worked so lost $8. I was then able to break almost even to give the ¢5 machines the rest of my attention because I found the ¢5 machines brought me back up to the half even mark. in the end I was left with ¢4 and had to find a penny machine but wasnt familiar with that either so I heard the machine ding once but then after final play no buttons lit up to press so I left with zero. nothing gained.

Nothing lost. My funds are dangerously low. Me making it through July is pushing it without taking out my final money to get me home. Oh how I wish my caregiver wasnt lost in the clouds. Oh how I wish she was forced to take her kids back to Ireland long ago so I wouldn't be left with 1/2 a life. my first machine today was the wizard of Oz machine. Watched a guy win $2000 on a dollar machine. Oh how I wish.

May 16th 2013 

May 17th 2013 
 give me something to come home to!

 I wanna come home!

 May 18th 2013
The dad I so desperately needed not only for proper direction and guidance in high school but to keep my mom on an even keel opposed to her self proclaimed "nerves." His classmates were George Carlin and regis philbin. Him and his sisters all died from cancer at an early age after growing up next to the subway system in nyc. in pics from Elmhurst queens he's smiling but not in these small-minded smalltown pics. Not sure why. He wanted to move here. Not mom.

now on a pc I can see the smaller image is not so clear. It's a newspaper clipping of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta with Grease. The only movie I can really remember before the accident is You Light Up My Life. It was Christine's favorite song and we used to sing it and have her sing it after the accident.

Sean Cassidy with the popcorn but not too sure who the other two are.

$35 now after spending $10 on four more days of sleeping medication. The guy was compliant in giving me a break shaving off the tax for $10 even. Life has been grueling with 2-4 hours of sleep a night. At this age complaining about it was fruitless. It entailed mom freaking out and doing nothing or escalating to a fight that it's my own guilty conscience and mom doing nothing.

made yet another forebearence on my student loans. The loan has ballooned up to over $64,000 while I've been thrown to the dogs by NYS and then slapped in the face by the surrogate's court of NJ. In forebearance now until the summer of 2014. hahahahaha I won't be alive by then mother fockers.(May 20th 2013)

Make a way for me to survive! Job

$45 cash left to my name outside of money to get back home. this month have 50 left inchecking acct but really hate using any credit cards in California since California has the worst problem with cc fraud. have about $140 in cash reserve. have to pay dollar cash everyday for coffee and sleeping medication. to take $ out of ATM will cost because my bank is not in Cali. I totally get it how the worst thing for my welfare was not being taken out of the home bcoz of stress. my first diagnosis at 17 or 16 questioned whether I should be working while in school but noted to keep the job bcoz WORKING was alleviating the home.

May 19th 2013
I have to record that just like this last part, my Verizon questions like when it took 2 Weeks for my payment to reach Albany and no late payment was tacked on, the phone messages mysteriously staying for long after the 10 day period until I said something on Facebook, and most of all the time period when Verizon phone reps had to ask you permission to view your records even though it was a no-brainer if you said no they couldn't go any further which started happening around 2001 or 2002.

I never meant for this to turn to nitpicking. Man this drains you.

My father never turned off my mother. In the 6 cognizant years I had him in my company, that's all I knew. THAT'S the problem. not knowing when to ignore some things coz it's just talk.

today's events are over the top. So many details I'm writing down so I dont get lost as to how this happened today.

the dominos of the day all started from me being lashed out at in public after coffee stemming from the knowledge supplement from yesterday that monsanto was the maker of agent orange. she witnessed the four other people not know what monsanto was. bottom line is someone feeling stupid by someone trying to be helpful. and the lashing out inappropriately is the epitome of my stress. the other person she did this to stuck around but stopped lifting a finger for her. my injury requires low stress. we'll see how long I last. this is the type of stress I was entitled to be removed from the home over.

my mother used to do the same thing when recuperating in her home. after coming home from surgery would cater and then out of the clear blue sky go ballistic. same.

Apparently from the Dominic family but not finding anything on that. Hell for all I know someone around here is following all my posts.

May 20th 2013
This deserves to be on both my child left behind page and this page since it's exactly some of the words I've said.

 and thank you to all who have accepted my invite to my page. It means a lot to me.

So let me guess. According to The Way International God knew all these people wouldn't believe so God allowed them to die.

I dont need to guess. I know this is exactly what Claire has taught me. of course she could always go back on her word and lie like she did in Court that the Way never broke up. I know her beliefs on that too. That lying is not best but it's not an irreversible sin.

May 21st 2013
Maybe I should explain. When you're given the look of death at any given time completely stressed out but the look has to do with making sure your welfare is taken care of - Italian mama ways curdling my Irish blood? After getting this look of death for 2 Weeks I'm told stay or go, either, I have a mind of my own. The latter I already knew. Then the directions change again. This was all over eating a meal. I have a sense of decency that I cant keep freeloading off someone regardless of my situation. At the same time trying to give them the company during a meal they want. This morning I simply walked away.

I reverted back to my old way of communicating openly and it worked.

I also really dont want to die but will if it comes down to it. this situation is helping me stay alive longer but not providing the life I need to sustain.I really don't want to die.

May 22nd 2013
I just wasted a whole lot of time trying to upload a recording from my phone. I dont have the equipment I need to buy to upload videos. Apparently it's the same with audio.

anyway it's the recording of my mother thanking me for the mothers day card, hoping everything is ok with me (which screams out she did her job even though I slept for a month after a rendezvous with a Mac truck and have no developmental issues ) and I can come home any time I want - just let her know I'm coming (which is the evidence I need that she lied to the Court and her own lawyer in making out that I've been uninvolved in her household for over ten years). the Italian mama I'm hanging with distorts the truth all the time which is the same pattern of the Italian mama I got burned by long ago - as if it's an accepted social norm. Yesterday she called a third party to verify she was wrong. unfortunately my mother is not that cut and dry.

another train wreck today but not so bad in that I'm not all alone with it in my head. had a conversation with an 18 year old whose parents are a few years younger than me. I have friends that are completely ok with not having kids bcoz the opportunity never came along. not me. it's like my motherly instinct had to be stifled along with so many other things. as we listened to a man describe how he sat down with his college graduate daughter to help her with letter and resume writing and she had a job within two Weeks going on cover interviews, that it's the type of dad guidance I missed out on.

 May 24th 2013  
I have a real sour outlook on some of my shallow occupiers who have shown me their ugly colors and here's another disabled person who proves I aint crazy in my perceptions: "... how can disabled people mount an effective protest when many of us are lying in bed unable to even sit up and use a laptop? Sometimes I can write a blog post but often even that is beyond me. I can usually manage to read, sign and share a petition if it's brief but with the proliferation of internet petitions, who really listens? The AIDS community had the energy of gay rights activism to rally for their cause but few disabled have that sort of mobilization power and getting non-disabled people to care seems impossible, except of course those who are our care-givers - they care but have their hands full and desperately need help..." especially the part about the non-disabled.


May 25th 2013 
Got strange pain today in upper stomach area. Same thing happened last time I did a four loko marathon. Never happened with Tilt. I think they're lying they changed the formula when took it off the shelves. All I can say is DO NOT RESUSCITATE if I'm on my way back to the universe.

damn right about mainstream media re: monsanto protest. Five people I came in contact with today said "what's that?" I thought maybe when I did petitioning against hydrofracking no one hearing of it was an isolated event (to a degree) and another in addition to the gastric bypass suggester from this morning. this is why someone should be employing me to get the job done like I did with hydrofracking.

and another in addition to the gastric bypass suggester from this morning. this is why someone should be employing me to get the job done like I did with hydrofracking.

May 26th 2013 
Ran across another person this time that couldnt place where they've heard of mansanto but didnt know what it was. Their relative was exposed to agent orange and kept complaining but was told repeatedly it never existed. Fifety years later received compensation for agent orange exposure. This was a guy thirty years my senior who dropped a hint he's looking for a single gal and out of the blue suggested gastric bypass surgery for weight loss. I let him know the same makers of agent orange are making us fat. Didnt bother telling him I'm taking six Mg (not mcg) of iodine a day. I had to go without for about three months so God knows the weight I put on during that time. There's a knocked off endocrine system for ya.

my sister's name was Stephanie and our tragedy happened in 1978. even since I got to Cali no one will hire me. received two rejections over the intetnet from a local casino and none of the employment agencies I registered with are calling me back.

I'm limited in jobs I can physically do and (for example) could never do reception in a doctors office due to the constant play of the radio which most medical offices have. I can do a radio playing while I'm talking customer service having dual earphones on. as I get used to jobs I come across as not being ready after college but that's not the case at all. I need to make sure I'm doing the job right and freedom to take longer than the normal person in getting used to new duties. I know a brain injured in syracuse who didnt ask and at the end of the duty it was all wrong. it's criminal what they cut his hours down to never to forgive or give a second chance. other people make mistakes for sure. I'm totally at ease doing research in a law library fourteen hours a day and obviously driving cross continental. someone needs to hire me. I cant do my own business yet I turn out to be some employers most reliable employee. btw my mother pays for the phone but has been incoherent when accepting this is my end unless she does something starting with admitting mistakes. there's probably more details I'm not able to share right now. thanks for sharing your story. I've been involved in the injury group that meets in east syracuse as well as the stroke survivors group.

and I dont mean to sound cold but my friends who have known about this since I left in September 2012 have had 8 months to investigate, protest, whatever it takes but I guess starting with a select few I'm tempted to name, didnt see this as a worthy enough cause. but then again like my fellow disabled I quoted it tragically doesnt have the momentum like aids-gay community.

May 27th 2013 
rudely sneered at this morning as trying to come up with a plan over a situation with time constraints. Then rudely bashed at for coming back later asking if plan will work not having been told a piece of the puzzle earlier which ties in with the plan itself. I totally needed to be taken out of the home during development years to make sense out of life. And what I got was a copycat version of todays rudeness. this either explains it all or reveals the synchronicity in the universe.

got a dirty look from one of her friends this morning who only has the info from yesterday afternoon before Mt Etna was reminded what REALLY happened. the missing piece of info she said she told me. I said "you didnt say those words!" she said "I didnt say that!" where's that diagram where I bang my head again? I'm totally open that her friend was just busy and it wasnt a dirty look. stressed is desserts spelled backwards. Growing up like this was harassment - not funny. Not tough love.

May 28th 2013
Daddy's holding baby in heaven

and this song totally brings me back to dad's sister's wake as we drove home in the pours of rain from Belle harbor Rockaway and I contemplated in the back of our station wagon with the back seat turned down


May 30th 2013  
I'm guessing there are people not happy with my updates but must keep some things in mind 1. Incase this protest ends in my death records will be kept of everything 2. Writing on my cheap Mobil phone is NOT easy so not everything is worded as I wish. 3. I finally blew tonight when reality was misrepresented thereby ruining my reputation in an area where I'm obviously the outsider and the unknown. 4. Greg I never told you to pray. If you read the email I sent you, you'll understand that I prefer to keep in touch writing because conversations are not clear on your speaker phone and my cell phone - sounds thru a fishbowl. I have every intention to keep up our possibilities. 5. To top everything off I'm handed dinner after I blow from lies (some potential ones) being told about me where I'm the loser because who knows me here?

 And I was handed dinner by the very person misrepresenting that I just blew to. 6. Its very obvious my mother was a wannabe which has nothing whatsoever wrong w/ it, just gave me misguidance for life and that misguidance will not save this life. 7 I need something realistic I can return to.

May 31st 2013 
No new friend requests...until the next successful friend bomb...assuming something saves the situation by then. will visit the original post to see who I missed. Had to double-medicate for sleep last night. Double the stress.

June 2nd 2013
If someone is going to do something for me I need you to act quickly. I'm coming to know about California heat and am past the days of sirviving on less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Living as a sleep-deprived zombie is not going to happen bcoz it's happened the past few days. Earlier than expected I'll just go on my final road trip. I expected to last the summer but it's not worth living like this. The person causing me stress is a lot like judge Judy and I really like judge Judy but it is appropriate for a Court room and not learning daily things. I'm not guilty of what I dont know and I had no idea the majority of her friends are acquaintances. She never told me who she trusts most or not - there's been an assumption I guess that I would figure it out - NOT AT ALL. so it turns out I let out some info about me that includes her but turns out it went to a person considered more an acquaintance. It's not my fault but the consequences are STRESS. I only call people
"friends" those that I share my life with. That's one thing how I was so confused when I got to college and would hear people refer to someone they just met as a friend. My friendship runs deep and personal as do relationships. It's obvious I was not granted the proper guardian I needed growing up. The plea bargain to the injustice - let me return to the place I've gone to at any given time and formally get my sister the updated medical care she not only deserves but expresses she wants. Casey Anthony can potentially be retried federally. That's the same revisitation my case needs before it's too late. It's not like I'm not trying either. As usual I'm following up on a job lead tomorrow.

Another bought and sold while we all die.

June 4th 2013

justice beckons especially when there's open parts to the case. No justice. No peace. I'll settle for a plea bargain.

Hello all new friends. pls read through all my posts and comments to know what I'm all about. I'm expecting to be dead this summer. I will not survive without a job anymore past this summer. I will not be signing my life over to welfare or bankruptcy either. my family was involved in a car accident long ago. 1 sister died. 1 sis got minimal damage and me and my other sis lived in a children's hospital for just under a year and over a year post accident. Fast forward 6 yrs later when my father died and the sis w/ minimal damage was given a Court order she wasnt allowed back in the home after mother acted out in Court. Nothing was done for the 2 remaining children in the household - no investigation - nada. So the remaining kids grew up w inappropriate medical needs etc. fast forward to 30 years after accident mother finally investigates what needs to be done while witnessing one of her daughters living an inadequate life - or possibly she's too incompetent to realize. Surrogate's Court grants guardianship to the sis in hosp for longer than year to mother and sis with minimal damage and that's all folks. Now I'm preparing to die this summer because I never got needed protection and got my bachelor of science degree but w/ inappropriateness went no place. Dont listen to the Pink song about not going to die - that's just as reckless as all the people who tried to convince me nothing was wrong growing up. We became the children of no-fault insurance growing up rather than victory winners against the speeding and over-the-weight-limit truck that hit us head on.

Please read my posts/comments for further info. I'm presently in California after executing my bucket list which included driving across the country. I want to go back home but will not w/o proper intervention and no one will hire me now. I'm looking into a situation today for a possible survival on the east coast presented to me from a high school friend but I have yet to be convinced there's a survivable plan to return to. w. I have a very short time left. I'm living on my last ten dollar bill and then have a twenty dollar bill - a dollar a day for coffee. Then I have enough to get home or go on my final road trip. The plan on the east coast discussed yesterday would work great if I have the long overdue adequate job to sustain me over time. Still throwing ideas atound but doesnt look very realistic. Maybe not? That really hurt coz it would be so great. Threw out an SOS flare to a new fb friend who lives in one of the European countries I'm entitled to dual citizenship with. It's a long shot but what would anyone do? Fate put me in touch w/ someone who reminds me every day how much I needed to be raised in a household outside of my own where there is a reduction in stress and confusion so I could get thru life successfully. Tic toc. If someone is going to do something for me I need you to act quickly. I'm coming to know about California heat and am past the days of sirviving on less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Living as a sleep- deprived zombie is not going to happen bcoz it's happened the past few days. Earlier than expected I'll just go on my final road trip. I expected to last the summer but it's not worth living like this. The person causing me stress is a lot like judge Judy and I really like judge Judy but it is appropriate for a Court room and not learning daily things. I'm not guilty of what I dont know and I had no idea the majority of her friends are acquaintances. She never told me who she trusts most or not - there's been an assumption I guess that I would figure it out - NOT AT ALL. so it turns out I let out some info about me that includes her but turns out it went to a person considered more an acquaintance. It's not my fault but the consequences are STRESS. I only call people "friends" those that I share my life with. That's one thing how I was so confused when I got to college and would hear people refer to someone they just met as a friend. My friendship runs deep and personal as do relationships. It's obvious I was not granted the proper guardian I needed growing up. The plea bargain to the injustice - let me return to the place I've gone to at  any given time and formally get my sister the updated medical care she not only deserves but expresses she wants. Casey Anthony can potentially be retried federally. That's the same revisitation my case needs before it's too late. It's not like I'm not trying either. As usual I'm following up on a job lead tomorrow.

I'm onto the chair disappearing, loud engine, silent library one. I really am. I'm waiting to die though so couldnt give a shit anymore.

June 6th 2013
Loco motor training - something in a care plan for my sister that remains unacted upon without me being included in her care formally. I refuse to do it informally bcoz I'm too aware of what loose cannons do when not regulated. The doc for her is of the caliber of mt. Sanai or The Mayo Clinic.

Sophie Morgan walks with the aid of “Rex”, a Robotic Exoskeleton at the Welcome Trust on September 19, 2012 in London, England.

The system allows wheelchair users including fully paralyzed people, to stand upright and walk independently. Sophie was paralyzed from the breast bone down in 2003 following a car accident

If anyone sees anything suspicious from me I got this message after having to relog in: Sometimes spammers create fake pages that look like Facebook or another website. These pages usually offer you a great deal if you do something in return (ex: get free plane tickets when you copy and paste this special access token). It looks like you pasted sensitive info about your Facebook account onto on of these pages. As a result, your account started spreading spam. Don't worry, we've secured your account. I never pasted anything.

June 7th 2013
streenz v. streenz, 471 P.2d 282; 41 A.L.R.3d 891; 1970 – Arizona case. Parental immunity didn’t apply for this daughter that sued for the injuries sustained by her in a car accident (car driven by her mother). Cites cases from many different states. Brought a personal injury claim against her parents through her guardian ad litem. Dissenting opinions with this case but child was granted to move forward.

I never had a guardian ad litem to my knowledge. Everything done informal and "off the books."

June 8th 2013 
Surviving this heat is a chore. Just resting my body to store up energy for tomorrow. Placed cup of ice in armpits couple minutes at a time. W/o looking it up thought that lowers body temp. Looked it up and it's what helps lower fever. Organic lemon chamomile tea with fresh lemon pieces and honey has helped the coughing subside for now. This is especially bizarre in this weather since I never get sick even sub zero temps. Need to conserve my energy again. It all started Tuesday night when I woke up choking and evolved. I cant take this heat. Financially I'm running on fumes.

 June 9th 2013 
Current job prospect looks promising but it's kind of too late. As usual I tested above average. Those are the type jobs that are for me where my skills are in black and white instead of bullshiting my way through an interview convincing why a company should hire me. My house cant go through another winter untended to. disability services in the area started me on this road trip by, instead of helping me with my biggest weakness of interviewing closed my case due to lack of medical records so prepared to send me away to gain psychiatric records...we all know how easy it is to get them especially in my vulnerable position. How will I take care of my stuff in NY if working in CA? I spent my last $20 yesterday on gas and the $1 a day in coffee is coming from money left over $$ from unpaid credit cards. I'll have less of that in July due to a NY
bill due. I'm thinking August 1 will be time for final road trip and since I'm not being saved will be seeing my sister again on or about her anniversary. Mom should have let me know if she changed her mind about me going to college. Mom should have been honest with people. The surrogates Court should have paid more attention. this is how apathy kills.

Would've could've should've can still be turned around. The uneducated immigrants watching over this life for years need to admit they didnt know how to give this injured child what they needed, had no idea about their loved one's insignificance against insurance monstrosity, and need to do something now. When my relatives came over from Ireland recently they asked why they wont go help me. The response was simply "no one's going to go all the way up there." I have no intention of working in Cali and letting my NY stuff fall to hell - it's just not in my nature. I was raised to be responsible - it just missed the element to stay within the context of my forever changed capabilities at 6 years of age. I'm left with visions of my oldest brain-washed sister from The Way International indicating I'm reaping what I get from my decisions, meanwhile decision making is an area of my brain that was injured. Unbelievable.

June 11th 2013 
That and backwards baseball caps (and tattoos to a degree) - turnoffs!
Do you think sagging pants should be banned? YES or NO?

thank you for your support in this very lonely situation!

Will resend welcome message to all new friends tomorrow if you havent scrolled down yet. Just found out over 30 years later what the "upper respiratory" damage was I was given long ago. It seems to be nasal passage damage from the current symptoms I'm having. In highschool I was given no excuses from gym class and the fact I was holding my throat in in pain throbbing was ignored. What xtra damage did this do? I also never got excused from volleyball and being that my hand-eye-motor coordination was damaged...oh well... So I got whacked in the face and thrown to the ground more than once juat to be a laughing stock being in catholic school. Justice=peace.

June 13th 2013
Hmmm the person I hang with had to go today for treatment of a lung infection which is contagious which means they got it from someone. The only "sick" person they've been around is me. I woke up choking on Tuesday, couldnt clear my throat on Wednesday, was sick by Thursday. Cough drops thurs, Fri, sat, didnt cure it. Herb tea on sat helped me feel better for a while so did 4 cups cranberry tea sun and much better, 6 cups green peppermint tea mon and feeling better, 4 cups green peppermint tea today and still getting better, tomorrow will be either green peppermint or green mint. No antibiotics like the person I'm hanging with although everyone has a different history. Being out of the habit of my herbal tea everyday caused this to happen because last time I woke up choking I was doing herbal tea everyday and didnt get sick. I havent been in the mood or circumstance this week to do a clove of garlic which doesnt help matters but have I been carrying a virus all this time that herbal tea has been controlling? Guy here from originally Philly told me San Diego is rampant with hepatitus a b and c. I'm nowhere near San Diego. Wonder if herbal teas are curing whatever I have or just keeping it dormant. Been hanging with this person for about 3 months now and although they've always had a fluid sounding cough (for reasons I thought already explained) this is a first. In 2008 had symptom of bright green nasal discharge but took green- mint tea and problem gone before ever getting sick. Hmmmm.

June 14th 2013
Well I finally found the ten year ex on here. Yet to see if he'll talk back and answer my friend request. Geez he helped ruin my life. He cant talk to me in death? Hope he enjoyed that Germany trip. He looks tired from the kids.

that's not knocking his kids deb. that's acknowledgment I know he's there so why not say something at the end of life. geez

deb this is not frivolous. how many other couples do you know that can atleast say hello at some point after breaking up? I know many. and I who needed it most because of a brain injury developmentally to not be ripped from my familiar environment or even transitioned. Deb dont you work with special needs kids? they dont teach you these things?

well I guess everyone now can see the careless oversight that still exists in this life. where's that bang head here diagram? Our accident happened in your town *shaking head at loss for words* hmmm let me guess...that was a long time ago and I'm fine now.

 ok Deb it looks like you removed your comment but let me be just clear about Kevin. from the getgo my mother always said he's not for me; before Claire had kids her and her husband used to laugh at him; my cousins used to laugh imitating the Planet of The Apes series; when my mother showed my senior prom pics to coworkers some said "what's she doing with him?" my father wasnt around for me like I so needed him to be as Kevin threw rocks at my window and just couldnt let go; in 1995 when right frontal lobe injury was explained to him and all made tragic sense he threw orange juice all over my car in a fit of understandable rage and every year after that my stick shift would freeze in the winter time from orange juice damage. my mother used to always tell me I need to date a NYC guy. what I needed was a lawyer due to statute of limitations once you gain that knowledge (even though I was 7 years past being 18). the past is the past. do something for me NOW before it's too late. I had no knowledge also that the surrogate does anything other than hold money as per my mother until 2008 when surprise! I get a Court notice in my Po box regarding the welfare of my sister I used to watch sleep in a hospital bed across from me. thru all the adversity I stayed with Kevin guess who gets their dream come true of a skinny Christian woman to father his kids in upper middle-class suburbia? it is what it is at this point. I have nothing to fight with Kevin about. Kevin is learning as he is raising his own kids now. I never found the man I medically needed to raise kids let alone have them. I could NEVER safely survive as a single mother. people grow and change and realize. anyway more could be said but that's all for now.

There looks to be a job prospect for me here in July but I dont need to be here.

June 15th 2013
Hello all new friends. please read through all my posts and comments to know what I'm all about. I'm expecting to be dead this summer. I will not survive without a job anymore past this summer. I will not be signing my life over to welfare or bankruptcy either. despite my injury I worked since I was ten years old and it's only since getting involved in nys disability services did all spiral downward. Instead of helping reach your full potential they had to pigeon hole me into more inappropriateness while my college degree became outdated. my family was involved in a car accident long ago. 1 sister died. 1 sis got minimal damage and me and my other sis lived in a children's hospital for just under a year and over a year post accident. Fast forward 6 yrs later when my father died and the sis w/ minimal damage was given a Court order she wasnt
allowed back in the home after mother acted out in Court. Nothing was done for the 2 remaining children in the household -no investigation - nada. So the remaining kids grew up w inappropriate medical needs etc. fast forward to 30 years after accident mother finally investigates what needs to be done while witnessing one of her daughters living an inadequate life - or possibly she's too incompetent to realize. Surrogate's Court grants guardianship to the sis in hosp for longer than year to mother and sis with minimal damage and that's all folks. Now I'm preparing to die this summer because I never got needed protection and got my bachelor of science degree but w/inappropriateness went no place. Dont listen to the Pink song about not going to die - that's just as reckless as the people who tried to convince me nothing was wrong growing up. We became the children of no-fault insurance growing up rather than victory winners against the speeding and over-the-weight-limit truck that hit us head on. Please read my posts/comments for further info. I'm presently in California after executing my bucket list which included driving across the country. I want to go back home but will not w/o proper intervention and no one will hire me now. I looked into a situation recently for a possible survival on the east coast presented to me from a high school friend but I have yet to be convinced there's a survivable plan to return to. I have a very short time left. My last $20 is gone. (Surviving on money left over from not paying my credit cards is hit and miss because bills vary). Then I have enough to get home or go on my final road trip. The plan on the east coast would work great if I have the long overdue adequate job to sustain me over time. Still throwing ideas around but doesn't look very realistic. That really hurt coz it would be so great. Threw out an SOS flare to a new fb friend who lives in one of the European countries I'm entitled to dual citizenship with. It's a long shot and didn't pan out. Fate put me in touch w/someone who reminds me every day how much I needed to be raised in a household outside of my own where there is a
reduction in stress and confusion so I could get thru life successfully. Tic toc. If someone is going to do something for me I need you to act quickly. I'm coming to know about California heat and am past the days of surviving on less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Living as a sleep-deprived zombie is not going to happen bcoz it's happened the past few days Earlier than expected I'll just go on my final road trip. I expected to last the summer but it's not worth living like this. It's obvious I was not granted the proper guardian I needed growing up. The plea bargain to the injustice - let me return to the place I've gone to at any given time and formally get my sister the updated medical care she not only  eserves but expresses she wants. Casey Anthony can potentially be retried federally. That's the same revisitation my case needs before it's too late. It's not like I'm not trying either. As usual I'm following up on job leads. Update - this is really hard to update via mobile - the example I gave of not getting proper care medically was the requirement of running
the mile in gym class and being whacked in the face and thrown to the ground by a volley ball rather than have the medical excuse I needed. I've finally come up with a date for my final road trip to be around the beginning of August and this situation can be turned around still from the now until my final Facebook check mid to late August. I currently have some job prospects here that look good but I don't need to be here. I need to return home with something put in place for me as it was never done. Better late than never. I need to take my sister to the medical treatment plan waiting for her. My mother knows that. She's just being a fool. I need protection from her foolishness.

Things are going from bad to worse. Been on the phone with my bank now for hour. I have a 23 year flawless history with them however they have blocked my checking acct line of credit that I borrow from periodically (because it gets auto paid back every month) all based on my credit score.

$47 to my name until the rest of the month. gas or food or sleeping medication? oh wait I'm overdue for an oil change and tire rotation on the car I live in. bank of mom should come thru on the car work.

mom is willing to pay but mom is not comprehending she is wrong. she didnt know what to do for me to protect me then - do so now. she's telling me for me to go to the surrogates Court and take care of myself now. it doesnt work like that. Actually mom is lying. She knows that the parent has the biggest say.

Can't tell you how crazy this is making me especially to not realize ALL these years I was depending on someone who can't provide for me. She only provides monetarily when needed which isn't going to cut it. She doesn't get it. I pointed out that when I was 18 she was wrong (that the surrogate's court doesn't just deal with money) so that when she found out the truth instead of sharing the truth with me and seeing what she could do for me, she just left it. I told her she should get on Facebook and learn about me. She refuses. I told her she can see a pic of my buddy who had a guardianship, etc. Her response? "His father's probably alive." In other words she's admitting that she couldn't do all this by herself. She's not admitting that to the court because then she would formally seem incompetent. And the mouse maze of insanity continues.

Where's my guardian ad litem? I NEED THAT

June 16th 2013
 She's been warned again and she has about 45 days left to do it. "call up the surrogates Court and say 'when my daughter turned 18 I had no idea the surr can do anything else for her. What can I do for her now that things are obvious?'" they're going to look in the record and see she's lying because we did meet with a Marilyn mindes (?) For voc rehab of Morris county and we declined help because I was going away to college. I want to go home. She has about 45 days. She's not likely to do anything. I pointed out the things done for the other two. she's likely to be warned every day from this point. it's only about 45 days.

today I happened upon the guy that took interest in me when I first got here who asked the same question my international relatives did about why my family cant help me.

just having one of those moments of lots of energy and no place to go. intelligence left locked in the attic that doesn't have to die but has no choice. already rejected the choice of returning to the slaughter without intervention. just one of those restless moments.

help me! In 1974, the Legislature passed N.J.S.A. 9:6-8.21. That section defines an "abused or neglected child" as a child less than 18 years of age whose parent or guardian ... (4) or a child whose physical, mental, or emotional condition has been impaired or is in imminent danger of becoming impaired as a result of the failure of his parent or guardian, as herein defined, to exercise a minimum degree of care ... (b) in providing the child with proper supervision or guardianship, by unreasonably inflicting or allowing to be inflicted harm, or substantial risk thereof, including the infliction of excessive corporal punishment; or by any other acts of a similarly serious nature requiring the aid of the court ...

June 17th 2013
44 days left approximately and she's been given her daily reminder call that I will be checking back tomorrow to see what she found out from the Surrogate's office.

oh and yesterday she tried grabbing at the straw that I'm bullying. hahahaha the woman grew up a bully beating up boys and then did nothing to protect me as she watched me bullied right outside her window for years and did nothing about the bullying done to me in school. bullying is not even in my nature. she's really going over the top these days and probably fed the idea from Claire who doesn't even know about her own mother's past. I'm so restless to have an appropriate life this is not good.

and judge Judy is making up stories again just like mom has always done but I can disconnect from judge judy. not from mom.

Ok mom has been called and left a message I'm calling to find out if she's made the call she needs to about me. She's already admitted (only to me - not the Court) that my friend with the same injury has what he needs because he has a father around. She's already admitted (only to me and completely misleading the Court) I can come home to her and she'll pay for me to get back if needed. However any mention of any intervention for me to do so is just me talking sh*t. As usual all isfine according to her and I have no need for protection. I gave her the example of my former classmate Ofcr Colleen kober carrying me out of her house to have me admitted to a psychiatry eval and her response was "that's something YOU did".

(Judge Judy does the exact same thing and so reminds me of that stress and inability to cope that I needed to be removed from for a fair shot at life post-accident). there's just an eternal unhealthy...need now to make that call regarding that job.

need to call back in25 minutes. anyway a lot of this is unhealthy harassment because she doesn't really come out and say she wont do something. she just argues to the point of me screaming and then turns me off because I'm not normal "like all these other people." upon coming home from the hospital I was always compared to her sister's kids and her devout-catholic-NYC-born friend's kids who have no injuries. see how I'm exhausted in life and am at the point that I cant do this alone anymore? that's the loose cannon she's been free to be giving me a life of complete confusion and chaos. my father had downfalls to but not being around since I was 12 all falls on her unfortunately. I took a closer look at dates and she actually has between 45 and 48 days to do something. I may not leave until paying my bills August 4.
judge Judy Etna just pulled an attitude with me out of nowhere and embarrassed me again in front of someone. makes me think she suffers multiple personality with such an abrupt change like that. I need to go home. but will be joining my sis and dad if intervention doesn't happen.

June 19th 2013
Ok I've been prepping for three job interviews I have tomorrow. I WANT TO GO HOME! I just cant return without some type of mediation whether it's legal mediation, Court-ordered counseling, ... I NEED PROTECTION AND NONE OF MY FAMILY IS WILLING TO GET INVOLVED. in Ireland families stick together unlike in the USA where it's common for family members to migrate. That's the dual personality lie I've been brought up under by an immigrant who was forced to leave NYC life and survive in rich suburbia ... And the days count down.

my creditors are calling her house about me. obviously she isn't reaching out to find out what this how serious it is. That reminds me I'm probably wasting a large portion of my time tomorrow because once the company does a background check my credit report will ruin the job possibility.

so instead of waste gas I just called to know upfront if my credit score will be a prob and he said not with this job. I still need to get home!

spoke to mom. she said she called surrogates Court and got some recording and hung up to try another day. this request to her is on the miscellaneous things to do. that's the recklessness I was raised in. she has medical problems and I said that's why I want to come home but cant do so without protection. she said "protection from what?" we've already been over this. that's the harassment I grew up with. the older generation irish disregard emotions especially in children. that ruined this life especially needing medical cognitive attention.I'm about to go on my interview. I want to go back home!

Mom's been left another message. 43-46 days left.

 June 22nd 2013
And I'm waiting to die from no funds

June 24th 2013
Called mom up today while bawling about not getting the job. Said she needs to get in contact with the surrogate Court or this will not turn out good. She's been given every warning. The SC never did a competency investigation of my mother.

Judge Etna Judy asked me if I'm going back to ny. I'm trying to hang on til August. I have nothing to return to in NY so mom better get busy. If she's ill I COULD be there helping her. She wont ask Claire for help meanwhile I know the truth.

As usual didnt get the job. Where they got it I said I was ever escorted out by security I have NO IDEA. on to find out about the other possibility. Fought with my bank on Friday to get my money back they stole but have to try that again today. I'll be on the social security death index soon for gods sake. They get $20/mo automatically. I would just like to live until August. This ... Lost thought this penut butter and jelly on a fork just isnt cutting it.

I actually looked into this employment agency that has branches nationwide but in pa none of the jobs are near you. God is inside all of us. maybe the ones in power give up that power.

 June 25th 2013     
I guess I've done all I can do for 1 day with the time difference. this loose cannon is going to get away with murder unless someone steps in. I don't have a lot of energy on peanut butter and jelly. 

for the record here's an example of my care: my mother paid (or social security I didnt know about yet paid) for my acting and modeling lessons. in my second year of doing this the instructor told me to give it up if I couldnt get into NYC for auditions. the reason why I couldnt?? mom said she couldn't because of my handicapped sis. no one was there for my needs.

so then I followed her direction for college and now she's saying she never said that. first time she said it broke my back the first time. I couldn't believe my ears in front of Fiona and's like I just wasted my life on this woman. no worries. I'll be comfortably numb in a couple hours. I'm looking at going 5 days w/o my numb this month.

awake after 4 hrs sleep for some reason. called the independent living center near mom today. cant return without some type of protection for me from this but they cant help me coz I'm not there. I'm not going back without some promise or guarantee. how's that for a catch22?control this loose cannon be4 it's too late. a string of 100+ days is coming up and I cant hack this heat here.

up to 39 days left. it's ok she's not picking up the phone. she disregards child development - then Claire can listen to what she cant deny. If what I was preparing for in life in highschool was stopped because my mother refused to reach out for help and then my college accomplishment was disregarded because it might reveal her inadequacy...a lot is not going to matter any more when I'm gone but people still have time to save this life. Provide a promise of protection for me to return. Formalizing me taking the sister I had to watch live w/ untreated seizures to an updated rehab plan for her is one form of protection a.k.a. Out from under the radar. Who is not getting the reckless loose cannon???

June 26th 2013    
The only U2 song....

NO! VAN DIEMEN'S LAND (sp?) lol. not "hold me now." I guess it was put up there by a non-fan like me!

Found out legal services receives calls from the Surrogate's Court for guardianship purposes yet knowing my medical history Judge Deanne M Wilson never had legal aid appointed for me. Judge Deanne M Wilson also witnessed my mother's reckless medical care to her injured daughters and let it slide. Called referrals I have been given and need to make another call tomorrow. And the days count down.

 June 27th 2013   
My final resort with up to 38 days left?

Legal Services of New Jersey
received callback to know the level of emergency and as usual dont know if I sounding urgent enough. the soonest they could schedule me is a week before I do one of 2 things: either return home with protections in place or go on my final road trip. they'll talk to their supervisor to see to get to me sooner but no guarantee. maybe from a previous life I was a veteran or something missed because I was under the radar and so karma is repeating itself? just like a reckless judge allowed a reckless guardian to continue under the radar?I just cant figure out what invisible qualities exist when one is dying under another's nose. *baffled*

June 29th 2013   
And my oldest sister's dogma from The Way International Ministries says "God knew he wouldnt believe so allowed the devil to take his life." So that's also the case with our ten year old sister? I never received an answer on that

my point is just that my sister is misguided in dogma while having an undiagnosed brain injury indisputable as her other sisters in the same car accident. her dogma gives credence to obvious injuries meanwhile the right-lobe unobvious injuries might as well be satan living inside the injured person whom the person is at fault for letting satan live there :-s

I posted a while ago about my sis involved in what is known largely to be a cult called the way international out of new Knoxville oh. just pointing out the irony of this story and how my sis would interpret it the whole time ignoring her own medical problems from injury that my whole existence revolves around. if you read the opening message I sent to all new fb friends it will fill in some gaps.

I was denied partial guardianship of my incapacitated sister partially bcoz the way is cleared in all Nj courts

my sis isn't bad - just fatally misguided inappropriately to her injury and family. I feel your support.

June 30th 2013   
I recently spoke with a rep working at banning plastic bags in CA for the sake of marine life. I asked about the fracking concern it being done without Californians knowledge. They've gotten away from fracking concerns was the response. Hmmmmm can only think of that 80's song "when the children cry"

a year ago