Final descent - My life with an ignored brain injury

Ucan start reading the tragic story at www.gofundme.com/some-justice-4-children and then you can read this article to try to figure out WHAT WENT WRONG(?): http://www.divorcesource.com/research/dl/childsupport/97oct188.shtml. My case has nothing to do with divorce. In lieu of that: "... major exception ... parents' duty to support their children ends at the children's majority: when the child is disabled." "MY TRUTH" = NEGLIGENCE REVELATIONS

Monday, December 9, 2019

12/9/19 It's amazing what senior services abuses happen. Playing hardball but then again it was Claire who doesn't know how to do things and has us in a company that possesses jailbird material. If we lose this aid we can never get her back from another company because that means the company can sue the aid for breaking contract. I worked so hard in getting this aid back because she really works well for our situation. She is loved. The company charged mom an extra $100 to keep the aid and used a minimum wage increase payment excuse to help justify it. Anyway, I have proof Claire got the mail by my mother calling me up and saying she's upset that Claire is upset I mailed her anything and that she would take care of it herself. (Upset as in crying? As in mad? As in regret? Mom doesn't elaborate). She told me they most likely burned the mail I sent. I let her know I would just put that info on the internet. Actually Claire's only upset because she has to put up with her bipolar-like husband flying off the handle at my mail - behavior accepted and expected in Claire's religious group. So I reasoned with mom that the new info needs to go to the aid's company before the new year and the rest of the conversation will have to come back to me but as mom just kept arguing with me I finally felt the reverberating chord pulled inside of me and said "Stop covering the ASS of the child that just doesn't give a shit!" and I slammed down the phone. That is my brain injury reactiveness that is being used against me. Meanwhile Claire has successfully suppressed her brain injury reactiveness through brain washing as it flashes in my mind when Claire showed her reactiveness before being court-ordered out of the house 1. When she tackled me to the landing punching my back in an while I was yelling with mom freshman year of high school and 2. When Claire jumped on mom's back out of anger on the driveway and mom's glasses flew off her face. Maybe 20 minutes after slamming the phone down I called the aid and left her a message apologizing for getting her involved but to just please let my mother know that in the next 2 to 3 weeks that they will be keeping my mother she will not have the time or wherewithal to take care of this so this is something Claire has to do. In the end I gave my mother's new card to the aid just in case Claire remains inactive which is the trend. Yeah and mom put her in charge. I realize mom is dragging her feet on this new plan coverage because she just closed an account (with my name on it) to pay bills so she feels she's all set. I know how my mother works. Claire does not. That was obvious with Mighty Mouse calling the cops and nothing being wrong on "welfare checks" done thereafter and Claire calling mom after the cops said nothing's wrong and yelling at mom that she called the cops and mom says nothing's wrong. Claire doesn't understand that mom has no one to bounce her thoughts off of. THAT'S how they made a mess of MY life. Claire preached to me "man was not made to be alone" but doesn't see that the same applies to mom. I could still report more things but I have stuff to do with my day. Enjoying the rain today. Maybe something is going my way. I did drop off guardianship papers to the Nursing Home along with emails that happened as I so desperately tried to be a medical guardian for my sister. Traffic jam. When you're already late. A no smoooking sign on your cigarette break. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams. Already the dashboard's paradise. hmph. And isn't it ironic. Dontcha think? ... 12/12/19 Hardballers don't have to take medicare but will see what else can be done to make the supplemental insurance work. It won't. The abuses within senior care. Flashbacks to Cristina Accardi Mirda (who never revealed the conflict of interest - or it was an inside job - of Judith E Accardi Esq) saying that I wasn't good for Christine's situation because I don't have kids. IS THAT HOW MY SISTER IS BETTER OFF BEING OVER 100 LBS MORE WITH HER BRAIN DAMAGED EATING GOING UNCHECKED? A BEDSORE? A CRACKED TOE NAIL? AND 2 SWOLLEN FEET THAN THE ONE SHE WENT IN WITH? DON'T FORGET ABOUT WHEELCHAIR BOUND. There's a song "little women must have damn near killed you..." Little women meaning Italian mamas who obviously function on uneducation and emotion. Do the Accardis know Jean Rocco? How about ABC's Diana Rocco? Any relation? The little mafia queen from Westchester that destroyed my future trust in the world - unhealthy untrust - instead of tending to medical needs of a minor as they reach majority. Apparently mom has a roommate that has family coming in and out all the time and mom is sad. Where's Claire??? Where's the one she put in charge? solely. Christine needs all 3 of us so that all 4 of us can work together. I'm bleeding a lot this month. Part bioterrorist. Part biological. I'm only out today for an oil change and to restock. My old emails said to Mom & Claire's attorney that I had no intention on allowing Christine's medical potential waste away like it did for 17 yrs. That's what happened in this corrupt court proceeding. Read about Judith E Accardi Esq yourself: https://www.themorrisonfuneralhome.com/obituary/richard-richie-boud. ... 12/14/19 Cool calm and collect mom said to me last night to give the aid money to buy her a product of a different size. I immediately questioned it because I know life in mom's house. Listened to her reasoning and when I went to give it to the aid the aid didn't want to take it because it is a product mom is going against medical advice on. THAT'S the recklessness our lives were left in. Cristina Accardi Mirda. Judith E Accardi Esq. #ConflictOfInterest #helpUs ! #NJstatuteOfLimitations #NJLegislature #MorrisCounty #SurrogatesCourt #StevenBenvenisti #lawFirm #lawFirms #disbarred #InjuredChildren #DevelopmentalDisability #DevelopmentalDelay. And Claire only knows the pampered NJ life and calls it god. When in Oregon she freaked seeing a camel transported in a van when actually it could have been the only thing available for the zoo in the area. Environmental things. Yes it's good she's in her familiar environment but remaining undiagnosed in that situation just makes the situation worse because it keeps her away from accepting the family dynamics she shuts off but can't escape. Flash to the last time Claire spoke to me was when mom wound up in the hospital in Sept 2018. After I said to her "Now do you see the importance of securing our legal and medical rights long ago?" (paraphrase) and she said "MaryJane focus! This is about mom." REALLY?! She should have thought of that as our lives were flashing before my eyes after receiving a surprise letter from The Morris County Surrogate's Court - years of telling mom to DO something for us. ... 12/19/19 Of all the days I no longer want to be alive, Sunday was one of them. I woke and started looking at the info to get Christine back on the services she used to be on so we can get her back home where her eating is controlled. Then took a double dose to knock me back out. Got woken up by the santa fire truck sirens and was up at 3:45pm. As I sit here I remember back to the position mom was put in when Claire refused to take Christine in anymore. Mom never wanted Chris in Social Services. You'd think republican Claire would agree with that. I now see. There's a huge wild goose chase I have to go on just to have Christine's eating controlled and it may amount to nothing because I'm not a named guardian. Mom wanted us to take care of each other without social services involved and Claire's refusal to watch Christine thrust mom into that position. I agree with mom on that. Claire being brainwashed was the worst thing that happened to this family because it kept Claire aloof to integrating her original family with her own. Claire's unrealisticness is shining through. The noise Christine makes that she learned from mom which was the make or break in Claire ever watching Chris again could have been handled much more strategically. Instead we are now in this mess. Remember it was her kids having a problem with Christine's noise that was the make or break. Claire worried they'd grow up to be freaks? How sad that in the end we are not working together. How sad mom's need of a sounding board made people look like an ass for calling the police. How sad Judge Deanne M. Wilson did everything wrong for this family. How even sadder Cristina Accardi Mirda is a conflict and we have suffered so much in a way Claire is aloof to and mom had to accept. I mean I had DDD needs which would have put me in social services I guess. In other news I'm mad as hell at the guy across the street who pointed one of his surveillance cameras what seems to be directly at us. Mom walking around in her underwear will now wind up on the internet. I have no problem keeping the shades closed but mom will when she gets home. In other news pat guide's behavior has been (not sure of word that fits). She called from a cell phone with a different area code and was surprisingly nice in conversation with me. My guess is she didn't expect me and/or had people around where she didn't want to let reality be known because (I'm laughing to myself because there's an older lady here and a guy is making himself important by teaching her about technology. He's well-meaning but just makes me think of the intense IT trained I am and life fell apart due to the stupidity of men and the women who allowed it to happen - I had to put my ear plugs in because I couldn't concentrate) next time she called it was her own phone and she was completely monotone. I even had to ask if it was her. Whatever her reasons I was still fair with her. I gave her mom's cell number. Maybe she feels a weight because I'm right again in Chris needing the correct diagnosis. Her brother is not eligible for the same Medicaid as Chris and Chris doesn't belong on his type medicaid. I've had some thoughts if she's up to anything - plans of Chris I don't know about. Anyway off to restock soon. Bette Midler's The Rose is on now and it just pulls at me. ... 1/21/20 What a fucking mess. When don't I feel a fucking mess? I had so much to say but I'm clouded, pressed a bit for time. Most my time is spent on Twitter. I do know when Claire called the other night cluelessly from the house phone I simply pressed the speaker phone and told her to call mom's cell phone. She did. Much more but not sure where it went.

5/26/17 (being left at the end of blog because it's the pinnacle of this blog). Dear #MtLaurel Attorney(s). I am in receipt of your 30 day threat to pay over $3000 to a credit card that I think was taken over by #Citibank but I can't be sure on the take-over. I have no problem paying my debts; always planned to do so, but I need a job to do so. You should direct your potential lawsuit to either the State of New York who failed my Bachelor of Science degree or The Morris County Surrogate's Court who got away with negligence in the medical care of injured minors; in that case send it Attn: "Christopher Luongo, Deputy Surrogate." His impatience with this matter was quite obvious when he practically hung up on 2 people that were calling him for me and my sister from the Independent Living Center. I have no problem with your threat - I've studied case law way too much to understand you are just doing your job as a lawyer but the phrase "you can't pull blood from a rock" applies here even though in my wildest dreams it was never supposed to apply to me. You can also go after my mother for that money who is floating around free in this country not having to face the real medical and legal realities that were upon her after the death of my father. Based upon my story you can see how she gives immigrants a bad name but - oh actually I forgot there is one other entity you can put your lawsuit to and that is the no-fault insurance who along with the Surrogate's Court and anyone else, knew we were not in the proper medical and legal care that is available in America. That's pretty much all I have to say and I hope you see this because this is all I have to say. In thirty days from now it will be just another day IF I'm still here to talk about it. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, MaryJaneButler formerlySyracuseYork.

Monday, July 30, 2018

... 7/30/18 So here I am on a new post because either blogspot is refusing to keep the post going from being too long or it's just having technical problems at the moment. That's ok. I would say it was getting too long anyway. Here's everything I just put in: 7/27/18 This morn Chris asked for her usual in personal care and I asked if she can get it herself and she said no. I said "you're in a mess then. Mom did this to you. Not me." I think she'll be ok though. Last night she said good night and I said "wait you need to take your seizure pill" and she said she already did - that she took a small bottle of water on the refrigerator door and opened it. It was an unfinished bottle of water I had opened and put back. She could have finished it but she didn't. Today's things she needs I know where they are as does she. It will probably take her longer but it's not impossible. That's consistent with what we've been left in that mom did everything to stay busy to keep her mind off things and dis-empowered us. Mom also had no patience for mistakes. I specifically remember as a teen breaking away from mom's guidance so I could learn from my own mistakes. That needs to happen in life. Anyway, sure enough Chris did it on her own. There's lots of strategies we missed out on being sent to this medically incompetent house and judge wilson just topped it all off. This morn mom called and it was the same crap. Running around the same circles. I'm tired. ... 7/28/18 Mom's home and not good. I said "then why did they release you?" and she said it wasn't this bad at the hospital. I'm probably stuck home today so I'll be able to hear the discussion mom has with the relative that found us that said mom has to go to rehab and her condition is very painful. That will give mom time to get Chris situated but I just remembered the new problems we have with the all-salt insurance which would mean blowing more of dad's money. I'm stuck home because I fell on christine's bathroom floor last night and I hurt my toe. It's not broken. I remember what broken feels like. I don't know how it happened. I could speculate it's due to how I'm living as my condition clears up. 3rd world country or "old" ways accelerated healing. I think it was today that mom told me her mother used to give her cabbage water after cooking it. I said "Why didn't you tell me this?" She knew me (and I think she knew Claire) do things naturally. It dawns on me she never would tell partly because mom is uneducated as to why she is so healthy. She doesn't get it that the developing body in a non-western country is made even more healthy for life by the things her mother did. I don't mind infection taking over as I'm dying from apathetic silence but I'm sensitve to pain as we sisters are and I can't live with feeling a knife coming out through my pee hole everyday. I think I got up from sleep to go pee and just don't know how I went down. I'll never go to sleep now without underwear just incase pee started coming out and that's how I slipped and fell. I'm debating at a quarter to six am to get up. I have enough sleep for the day. Oh! I have a toe boot! I'll just wear that around the house for two days and I should be fine. Mom doesn't have her legs raised because she says she hurts. This is a very bad situation morris county. Very bad. ... Mom can't get up. Never ate her dinner last night. I'm feeling very sad. Chris had coffee because I had coffee but I told her she has raisin bread if mom doesn't get up. Chris immediately prodded mom and doesn't connect even though I told her. ... mom's worse pain is the indigestion she got from hospital food yesterday. Really painful in the shoulder which I thought can be signs of a heart attack. Apathy by those in power did this. I have no idea what will happen if mom drops dead. No idea. This is awful alright. ... This is absolutely pathetic. It occurred to me about a covering physician but that didn't work so the wknd supervisor for nurses said take her to the ER if concerned and I said it wouldn't be me. It would be my oldest sister who is the emergency contact on file read to me. Being on speaker phone mom says no no no (about Claire's involvement but that is consistent with the pretty picture painting history of mom to Claire). REALLY??? Now mom is trying to get up again. She said she must plug in christine's electronic gadget and Chris reinforced that and mom said her shoulder is in so much pain she's just not able. ENTER DECADES OF NOT ADMITTING THAT. Chris got upset again when mom said she's not able to assist her in picking up a napkin. Chris swearing as she gets the two things mom usually gets for her in personal care. ... oh yes and most importantly last week I brought home creams for arthritis for mom's hands and she was not interested so I said then why not the epson salt paste someone told her to do and she said a usual phrase "I can't be bothered with all these things." There's a 40 year old phrase that took medical care of us. Mom's yelling out in pain of her shoulder and says she needs someone here and Chris is screaming over the top that mom is always saying that and not doing anything and she's lazy. That surprised me - but Chris as I repeat phrases heard in this house and lazy is what mom started calling me. Now she's on the phone with Claire. Now Claire can hear Chris screaming. Chris acts bratty or spoiled when mom is around. I do see that difference. When mom couldn't get up for Christine's personal care Chris took a fit as a few other times the same happened. Claire is not offering to take mom to hospital and mom not asking. No alarms going off. Claire said she'd call back later. Mom can't reach her shoulder out without pain. She's having her prescription delivered. So funny how this woman who's been a danger to all of us was put solely in charge in the end. Fucking stupidity. When mom told Chris to go find herself a place to live I yelled out to Chris she's just being stupid. It was as stupid as Cris Mirda asking an incompetent if she wants me involved in her care when Chris is not competent to know what that entails. I just asked mom why she didn't ask Claire to take her to the hospital and her excuse was "well she just got up." Always an excuse. Had flashes today of when Claire had the gall to say "as our parents age we need to take care of them." Answer: "So get to it Claire." ... they're coming here to take mom to the hospital. Mom may be gone for a while. The rape of my life when the surrogate's court was available to me. Claire is busy with something now and then planning on coming here with christopher. I die. I die from what's been done to our lives. Mom is an absolute mess. Ptsd over the rape of my life that just continues. Claire has to help mom get changed when she gets here. I can't believe the shallowness of making me out to be the problem that it was ok for me to go to holiday dinner and I decline because there is a refusal to talk about our disability issues. Much anxiety of them coming here. ...Holy shit! Mom couldn't answer the simple question of what shoulder it was that was worse! Good thing I witnessed which one. I'm in christine's room due to Claire helping mom get changed when they get here. The creator is in charge - I try to keep my medicine women and men in mind when trying to come to terms with this situation. They're not here yet. The creator has a will. My abilities in this life slapped into oblivion. Absolutely crushed not knowing the security of our futures. I hear motorcycles in the distance. Some are tribe. They're still not here 51 mins after they said they were leaving. The absolutely back- and life- breaking corruption of family court. Flashes of the inappropriate psychologist as if she's somehow in the know about something. No alarm for Claire about mom's heart I guess. It's 65 mins since she said she was going to leave. ... Chris is getting McDonalds again as per mom's request. When robodick brought a hamburger, fries, and a large coke I was mortified. I know mom does... ok they're here ten mins after last check. Well garage door opened. Christopher and Claire here. It's hard to hear from back here. They got the mail. She wanted to see if electric bill paid. Couple things from borough. 2 back bills and interest. I hear footsteps in this hallway. Claire thought the food left out is good. Claire talked to Danielle and it sounds like she doesn't think this is a good situation? I couldn't hear. She can't do anything about the surrogate's court though. Doesn't even comment at least to me. Chris is coughing. It's disturbing to hear that. She has enough problems. Trying to keep creator medicine men and women in mind to calm from all of my life thrown away. Claire asked christine something about coming to take care of her. Claire is sounding like she's learning about how the insurance works. Better late than never. Fucking stupid. I told mom before - lost thought . Claire said they can help her after they finish lunch - Claire's blood sugar is a problem. Medicine man and women. Keep in mind emotional healing. I'm needing food myself but I'll stick it out til they're gone. Chris is so missing out brought to a higher level by judge wilson. "What went on this past week can't happen again" Claire said. CLAIRE FINALLY GETS IT!!! ding ding ding!!! Claire tells mom what I already did about the floors and the wheelchair peddle marked it up. Chris said I was back here sleeping and I missed Claire's response. Our lives were thrown away. A repeat of not all my stuff is garbage. I had to roll out and get out bags Claire put in the garbage to check if I left anything in them. I think christopher said hi. I'm probably going to go out again. ... and that I did. I went out to get my other garbage- looking bags and told christopher I can go out to eat with them when we can discuss his mother's disabled lives. Other than that this is medical abuse. He started out by saying hi. The dis-service done. The dis-service done. Claire used the bathroom next to me. Things got real quiet so maybe christopher is not in the living room anymore while Claire is helping mom. To this day I don't know who picked up the phone and told me to stop calling there. He's there throwing stuff out or maybe it's Claire. Christopher looked me in the eye not right away but then looked down again after I said medical abuse. Unlike last time Claire didn't say a word - not even a mocking laugh. I am so sorry 2 boys missed out on a part of their mother's life all because of medical neglect on the part of their mother. Here she is again changing the garbage in this bathroom I guess. Sigh of relief for the emotional strength to even go out there. It feels like sarcasm - more bags were thrown out in the kitchen after I came back here. An absolutely tragic turn of events to omit brain damage in decision-making. Mom is finally admitting to Claire this is horrible. Mom is asking about a nursing home and said something was suggested. Said she'd have to go to hospital first. What's going to happen? What's happening??? I was not designed for this bullshit - this denial. Tomorrow is pure sunshine and then storms many days. Does Claire see the mess mom's bathroom is? Packing a bag for Chris. Claire doesn't get - lost thought. I'm in the kitchen. Claire is making the call to Robo and now to rehab. (Oh it sounds like the girlfriend is still there - can't handle the truth?) If this did happen again Chris would be out of mom's care. Well at least this is not going down in silence. Heal me from this life. Claire called rebecca and Chris can go with mom to the rehab. Ok so here I am in the kitchen because Claire has to pack up mom and Chris. Chris will be ... mom said to christopher he's probably bored and I finally spoke up "this is way more serious than being bored. Are you SERIOUS? Oh now Claire sees how bad things are..." I heard mom initially make the noise Christine did long ago that banned Chris from being cared for by Claire ever again. So Claire has even graduated to taking pics with her phone. Abandoned her original family. Maybe my presence here will enter me into many a person's dreams. Chris is staying here tonight. Claire needs mom to help what to pack for christine. Claire is back there with christopher calling him kiddo along the way and apologizing she's getting older. Imagine your original flesh and blood getting older from the ages 6 and 8 to 40 in an instant. But Claire has left reality behind. I would include Claire in there at 12 but she is conveniently brain washed. I hear Claire saying some things Chris can't do. I asked christopher if he knew indigestion and shoulder pain can be a precursor to a heart attack and he never knew. I apologized to christopher he had to see me in just a shirt when they went back into Christine's room and I had to get my stuff again. I had no plans on being visible. IT IS NO 1/2 HOUR TO FULLY CHARGE CHRISTINE'S GADGET. Improper care just in that alone!!! Mom asks if I'm in the kitchen and asks me if I'm going to eat what's on the counter ... ok so after Claire EXPERIENCEING how bad mom is, says mom needs an ambulance. Holy shit!! Really? Only now? By god I think she's got a brain cell- the problem has been her uninvolvement. This email is going on far too long that I'm having trouble ... It sounds like christopher is staying here for the night. That's ok. I can't talk to Claire but me and christopher actually have intellectual disability in common. So finally this is done right? No shit! What's going to happ... I just had to chime in about christine's pedal of her chair with Claire saying they have to give up on the whole chair. The pedal has been only scraping the floor since the last time they took her out. They need a man's hands to put it back. I said rich got it up a bit and christopher said he already tried. I still insisted you need to turn it while pushing or something. The peddle is not broken. ... and I just let it all out starting with "and mom I hope at this rehab you finally get someone to show you the right way to put the electronic gadget on christine's boot." And mom denied I was right that I saw exactly where it has to go. I said "bullshit Ma!" and she said for me to do it and I said "ok add me to her care. That's what I've been saying for 5 years and more." At this point Claire is fleeing the argument and I start in about Claire's increased sensitivity to hearing from brain damage oh but I'm yelling out of my frustration... and it just went on. I think ... I just had to yell down the stairs "everybody down there you need to have the correct information. it was her left shoulder that was the biggest problem ... she has a history of not giving correct info..." after I heard mom and others say it was her right shoulder. Anyway I think I said to christopher to ask his mother about her increased hearing sensitivity. ... Oh I know what happened earlier. Mom asked if I would be eating one of the two dinners left out on the counter and I said I would ... christopher didn't stay. Unless he's coming back. I thought Danielle said for him to stay. And Claire never changed the garbage. I heard enough plastic for it though. Anyway, I said I would take the cheese off one and heat it up and if I puke that's nothing new as my health fails and I went into a the gammut of medical things with brain damage. I had a thought that maybe they left a recording device in place of christopher? ...7/29/18 Christopher has brown eyes if I remember right from today (or maybe very dark blue). If I remember right tj has blue eyes. If I remember right their father has blue eyes just like Claire. Christopher has Claire's facial make up. As a baby tj had mine. It's possible christopher didn't stay because? ... there's something I remembered I forgot again ... enough sleep I'm awake 4am the next day. Realized they won't be here for Chris until later. I have a feeling Claire has not told her boys all about her original family. Happy in The Way keeps her away and us abandoned. Need to look up epsom salt foot soak. I don't think chancing a full bath here all alone is a good idea. It's a dangerous challenge getting up and down in the tub - moreso up. ...OMG the drama! Mom called here saying Christine called Claire asking to bring her lunch. How ironic I was waiting for a bagel to finish toasting when this call came in. My day is held up by Claire being late and my hunger too much so me and Chris shared a frozen Lender's onion bagel. I didn't even want the carbs! I just needed something quick. Apparently Claire did not mention Chris called to ask her when she's coming and at my prodding said "don't forget lunch." Claire brought her lunch yesterday and took care of christine's dinner AND breakfast for this morning. (That reminds me how much of a Rockefeller supporter Claire is with all the plastic baggies she leaves Christine's meals in). Not only does logic follow she would be bringing lunch today but I'm pretty sure that was the understanding for today since Claire would be here in the afternoon to take Chris to the rehab. We guessed she'd get here the same time since they are late wakers. They got here around 2pm yesterday. It is now 3pm and they're still not here. I don't know when they decided to wait for mom's discharge time if that's the case because mom originally said they may not release her from the hospital today. I had to be on the same defense when mom's hairdresser called here to know where mom was. I said to her worried tone of voice "Christine is self-sufficient. I'm not abusive. The surrogate's court needs to be done right. Chris did I hand you the meals on wheels for lunch?" And Chris said yes. I can imagine I guess it's the gossip and rumors from the suburban housewives(?) who buy mom's story. I have to guess if the inappropriate psycholigist is one of them. She sure acted like it. Mom's "as everybody says" is based on incomplete info. They're here at 3:20 and it's not christopher. It's Robo. Haha! We'll see how this goes down because I'm in the kitchen. It's really no big deal but THAT'S why Claire came here sounding particularly sweet. It's the Proverbs wife. As robodick went to the bathroom, he muttered hey to me and I gave no acknowledgment. Mr. Upset must be keeping his upsetness to himself. So I turned out to be right about the wheelchair peddle. Robodick just fixed it. It fell down on Chris in the bathroom. Chris didn't understand the social norm to say she's done with the bathroom and it was ok for him to come in. So apparently they talk because of the peddle but robodick wouldn't say anything to me unless it's about brain damage because like I said yesterday I can go out to dinner with them when they address medical abuse. So I hear Claire say the call she needs to make and I announced I made all cancellations. I yelled back: Chris remember the calls we made when you were sitting out here? Chris said yes and I'm reminded mom took away the card deck I mailed to Chris from Monterey Bay as Claire just packed the cards mom gave her for everyday. It's quite possible - lost thought. Not a word from me. Claire took her bag down the stairs and robodick took Chris down the elevator. Anyway, I have a real feeling these suburban housewives are being judge and jury and feeding into ... robodick just had the gall to ask me if I use the elevator. I took my reading glasses off to be sure I heard him right. He, oh someone just came back in, and left again. Anyway, he let me know everything is closed and then came up to bring the elevator up for me. (Nice try! - the only peace pipe your passing buddy is in family court! Oh the horror! I just likened him to a Native American phrase). As he passes me I say "you don't have to" (ahhhh the patriarchal helplessness of a woman. There we go.) After pushing the button to bring the elevator up he goes back down the stairs and says "ok we'll see you later." Instead of saying "hopefully not" I say after him "Only if it's to talk about brain damage and to do Christine a service rather than a dis-service. Ah huuuh." No reply and he didn't even look back as to my reply. Anyway, Claire came here with a P&B sandwich telling Chris it's all they had time to make. She asked if Chris had lunch and Chris said she shared a bagel with me. Claire asked if that was enough and I don't remember the response but Chris ate the sandwich and they waited for her. By the side of my eye I saw Claire was wearing dressy blue. I remember when I used to get dressed up for things. ...OH YES AND MOST IMPORTANT, NOT ONLY DID MOM TELL CLAIRE TO PUT MONEY IN HER CHECKING ACCOUNT AS THEY WERE WAITING FOR THE EMERGENCY PERSONNEL TO ARRIVE (BECAUSE MEDICAID ISNT CLEARED) BUT I THINK IT WAS WHEN CLAIRE FIRST ARRIVED AND THEY WERE DOWNSTAIRS THAT I HEARD MOM SAY "SUGGESTION" AND "NURSING HOME." When mom sat down I rolled in and said "ok so you're going to a nursing home. When can I expect the Sheriff? My disability requires planning so I need to know what to expect." Mom just blew it off saying she's not going permanently. This is so sad the refusal to recognize and accept the need to be responsible for an unseen disability. Should I stay home so as to not get locked out? Smh. ... 7/30/18 It's feeling easier to jump. I assume mom is lying that she's there temporarily. When I said "even if it's permanent I have no place to go " she turned on that any other day voice and went into outer space. I have to get more sleep meds but I think I have enough Vodka to put me out. I just got ready for a ten hour day too. But I'm tanking with all this. I think I need to rest my toe anyway. Manmade clouds in the shape of an x this morning and now a cloudy overcast day. ... finishing up oj and Vodka that's been sitting in the fridge and then onto cranberry juice and Vodka. Tanking. No one took care of my future. And no one is with abandonment I've been left in. Mom never got my note because the rehab refused the medicine bag which is something I knew and just totally forgot. I listened to Christine that instead of putting the note in Christine's luggage it would go into the medicine bag. So Claire is now in possession of it which tells of the plumbing problems in the house mom can't hear just like when Chris was blocked in the garage and mom couldn't hear her so that with all the yelling I had to do mom held out the phone so Claire could hear that I'm the problem. I hear thunder which wasn't supposed to happen but the weather is manmade. I'm so sad. Mom should get internet here so I don't miss out. ... It turns out I slept it off and my toe felt better so here I am wearing my toe boot and it's incorrect but that's only because I can't find the top part of the boot. I took a quick look in my trunk but need to sift through junk and I sifted through some stuff in my room. Unless it would be in my back seat or storage. At least the weight is off the toe(s). Too little too late has Claire been given the knowledge of how I've been living and STILL doesn't acknowledge me from an abled but disabled pov? The note she has in her possession ends with something like "Claire believes ... but that is an oxymoron when the emotional part of the brain has been injured." I don't have a copy of that note and can't remember the exact wording. The first paragraph was about the hearing aid and not hearing the plumbing problems which have gotten worse. The second paragraph was "just like when Christine was blocked in the garage and you couldn't hear her nor could you hear me yelling up to you so that by he time I got upstairs yelling you were holding out the phone with Claire on the other end that I'm the problem. Still can't remember that last sentence but she is free to use that note for a lawyer or court. I was right ten years ago, I'm right now, I was right when I stopped talking to Claire due to her medical cluelessness when family is dealing with the very SERIOUS issue of being evicted from a nursing home. I could keep going on about this. What's the point? Silence. Is anyone doing anything about this? ... what mom never did because she saw no disability in me perhaps: https://advopps.org/ddd-releases-its-2019-timeline-for-graduates-aging-out-of-the-school-system/. Flashback to us being on Sussex Avenue and mom proudly saying I was going to college. ... oh and I was absolutely floored by ALL of them at the house these past couple days. EVERY room they were in, they left without turning the light off. Are lights on in Claire's house all the time? Is this how it happens? ... Oh yes and when the emergency personnel came I heard mom say "I got home and can't really take care of myself" and it sounded rehearsed like she's been waiting for this time - aka the harassment I've been put through. ... maybe one of these days I can live in peace. Leaving early. ... 8/1/18 Mom didn't call today. She called yesterday 9am to see if I was up. Near noon pat guide calls and asks if it was mom. I say "no pat I guess you don't know. She's at a rehab." Or something like that. She then says "Claire?" smh. Unfuckingbelievable. So I tell her who I am told her all that had happened including Claire being sole other guardian had no choice but to get involved. I can here it now my mother saying to her "pay no attention to her. Claire's involved." When pat said it was better she be in the rehab I simply asked if she had her cell number telling her that as of 2 days before, because of her shoulder, she couldn't use the phone in the room. Flash to the movie of the grandmother taking care of the young girl and locked her in the basement. Her friends tell her to be careful of being taken advantage of having no idea what grandma was doing. smh. ... Just so the world knows, based on this article: https://www.wired.com/story/facebook-just-learned-the-true-cost-of-fixing-its-problems/ I finally responded to FB's recent communications to me saying "Hi Occupied, People visiting Occupied Newbie's life haven't heard from you in a while. Write a post or share a photo or video to keep people engaged. Learn more Thanks, The Facebook Ads Team" So I go to log in and have them send me a code because I don't remember what I changed the password to. After doing all needed I log in with a new password and still get the same message: "Thanks for your help We’ll take a look at the documents you submitted and get back to you. If we need more help confirming your name, we’ll reach out for additional documentation." I DARE YOU FB to keep F*c*i*g with me! ... oh yes and what I said to Christopher is a reality: "Hyperacusis – over-amplification of environmental sounds in the auditory pathways. Everyday sounds seem too loud, but other people aren’t complaining." From http://braininjurysociety.com/information/acquired-brain-injury/hyperacusis-noise-sensitivity-hearing/. I'm right now; I was right ten years ago; I was right 14 years ago when Claire refused taking in family that was being evicted from a nursing home. Dah! ... 8/3/18 Completely fucking sad. Tonight I asked Chris if she had a shower yet (after asking her how she's doing with her new card game) and she has not. I told her to put me back on the phone with mom and asked about her back if it's been cared for. Excuses followed like "Well it's not hurting her" and I finally said Claire should be taking care of this. Mom was quick to get off the phone. Chris can't verbalize until it's happening DAH! Even sadder was my talk with one of mom's sisters who admitted knows nothing about a guardianship that happens in America but that Chris is too old for help. I heard Aunt Maureen in that statement (as well as her passed away Italian mama friend) and sure enough mom didn't answer her phone tonight because she was on the phone with AM. Polio-ed AM who has the choice of ... you know I sound the idiot for even talking about this. There is an option to surrender trust to a medicine woman or man and shut the fuck up. ... 8/8/18 Funny how that happened. Had to drop things off to mom yesterday to get them out of my sight and just then a person walks in reminding mom she forgot their appointment about mom going home. Being that I'm family I got to be there at the meeting and let be known what mom doesn't verbalize. Where's Claire? ... 8/31/18 What a load of shit that is in this country. A POSSIBLE TERROR CELL INVESTIGATION SHOULD BE DONE. I'm not able to give all the details right now because this just happened. You think I would have learned by now what happened when I called a phone number supposedly for Facebook and my mother's credit card got scammed. I half learned. When I called about Yahoo mobile problems yesterday it was the same bullshit but I was much more aware based on the facebook thing. This bullshit artist told me I've been hacked. Whether I was hacked or not he was lying. Damn right I don't just click on buttons like agreeing to Oath's terms of service, etc. What happens is you call any of these fake numbers: 408-349-5070, 1-844-550-9222, 1-877-670-8838, 1-888-306-5155 and you are greeted by middle eastern accented men with American names. When you tell them you are IT trained they challenge you that you are lying as the call goes on. They then hang up on you as you walk them through the troubleshooting steps you've already taken (2ce - the second time I simply called the alternate number and said I was just speaking to someone and got hung up on - "was that you?" "click"). You then receive an unsolicited call from Beverly Hills, CA 424-283-4299 from a "David Williamson" who says he is a manager. As the phone call progresses beeps start to happen on the phone to make it seem it is authentically recorded or whatever. When you ask Mr. Williamson what his middle eastern name is because obviously he is not American, he denies his origin and says he's American. If you look up "David Williamson" in the Social Security Death Index you find one. Is this the Mr. Williamson I was speaking to? https://www.fold3.com/record/65216425-david-williamson OR there's others listed: https://www.genealogybank.com/explore/ssdi/all?lname=williamson&fname=david. Wake up people. We have terrorists among us just like my internet stalker who had access to a private conversation and items were taken off the shelves and then put back on the shelves? Well the one put back on gave me my infections back. It was good timing though because it happened right when the month long break started. All evidence of the teal colored lint in the shower, that is still around this approximate month later, is saved for any criminal charges to be filed. Will it be me filing criminal charges? Hell I have smoking gun threats sent to me over text message from my brother-in-law and I still haven't gone to the police due to my disabled disposition in life - or maybe it's due to the home I was sent to in the aftermath where I learned the opposite of tackling life in America as an American natural. GET THESE MOTHER FUCKERS OUT OF OUR COUNTRY. WHERE'S THE SCIENCE IN THAT? THERE IS NONE. California is the top immigration and credit card fraud area last time I looked. Maybe I'm outdated. Anyway, this fraudster Williamson tells me that I need to run to a Walmart and get a 16 digit Google security code and run back to the phone and give it to him so he can unlock my email. I told him I need to first go to a PC and see if it works there (because this has happened before) and it just went on. When I said I can't just do what he's saying because I'm disabled I had to ask him "Is it ok to be disabled?" because he was aggressively pushing his agenda. WHAT A MOUND OF SHIT WE HAVE RESIDING IN OUR COUNTRY. When I said to him that he doesn't have an American accent so he's not American he said "It's been lovely talking to you." What a load of shit! I started out by telling him my phone doesn't have enough room to download another browser so "is this an Explorer problem?" He totally forgot when he told me I had to download Chrome. I'm sorry I gave him the privileged info that Firefox is the best browser. So now that I'm back in my email just fine, I'll be adding on here the recordings over the past few weeks (the time that was available to me to get better from whatever dirty cheap deed laced what was put back on the shelves). ... 8/12/18 Just got off the phone with mom and let her know I spoke across the ocean and they thought she was getting out this tues so I informed about mtg that they will re-evaluate Thursday. Mom is saying her hands and shoulders are fine. Bullshit! She's not able to care for Chris anymore and what is she going to do now? She said we'll see down the road. Down the road is here now!! Where are the laws protecting children of immigrants from their guardians??? Flash to the honour killing Egypt girl in Texas molested repeatedly by her middle-east father. Now that I said "honour" with that spelling I think I had a dream about that last night. I asked mom what if her and Chris don't come out of there and I'm living here. She said I need to go get a Condo. I said I have nothing left to do that and I'm not going on fucking welfare - I didn't bust my ass in college for that. She then tells me to get a job then. Yeah right! With all the same shit this woman was not competent for our lives - oh yeah something Cris Mirda used against me in court that I was being wishy-washy about mom's competence. Happy now bitch??? It's only our lives thrown away to this trash who did nothing but a dis-service. Going to use my anger on here against me? What else is new? smh. ... 8/15/18 Absolutely awful. Found out mom has no power of attorney when I had to pick her stuff up when she was taken to the ICU. Absolutely awful. No planning for the lives of children slammed into a mack truck. I asked mom if she has any type of estate planning and no answer. Before that it was still "these things down the road." Down the road" is here and now and we have no protection. I don't need to be alive for this. ... 8/17/18 So the record of this blog really does come in handy. Of course mom not recognizing the seriousness of her involvement with Christine didn't say anything about her obligation to take care of her so I let all be known. On here I was able to pinpoint exactly that it wasn't 2 years ago but 4 years ago that the hospital called security on me when I tried to get Adult Protective Services to intervene for Chris. It's recorded September 17, 2014 that it happened a few days before so I'm guessing it would have happened September 10th 2014. This time though I feel I was really heard by nurses taking care of mom. I even talked about my completed bucket list yet without my involvement mom is needlessly spending my father's money on taxis or car services for Christine's care. I called the number the nurse gave me for social work and probably left a long winded msg but said we were all rolled in there in 1978 and I tried to be christine's medical guardian ten years ago as we were both left here with improper care through the years and the only other named guardian of my sister is not involved in our lives. Etc. I said how someone in social work called security on me. When the nurse was in the room she was able to see mom's unrealistic abilities with her shoulders. Is justice finally arriving? ... Never heard back from social work today. Feeling despaired again. My cousin I was so hopeful in may have gotten a better insight but I got some info wrong thinking she was going to school in this country. Going down the roller coaster. It felt so close to jump time. Impossible to handle some things. I had always said if mom goes I have no reason to hold onto anything any more. That's how this felt. Thunder in the distance made me feel better. Time to eat something soon and drink myself to sleep. It was good to visit with my cousin. I just don't know how much I got through. ... 8/19/18 Mom doesn't have a power of attorney :-((( https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=_fmbcfWaXmE ... 8/21/18 Dying inside. The cousin I was hoping on baited breath for last year I'm not feeling so hopeful but she could be really helpful. I was so relieved when it seemed she understood the deep denial of this family and then when I heard she's visiting mom with one of am's children I started on a roller coaster of emotions. AM who may benefit from modern advances to polio symptoms yet says christine is 'just saying" she wants to get better. Smh. I let Danielle know last night that just as a communication/neglect problem caused Chris to go 17 years with untreated seizures the same seems to be happening that Chris is going without the dr directed PT due to insurance. I didn't hear back from her but that does not mean she is not at work on it. She just can't talk to me because I'm not on the guardianship. Where's Claire? That's another fast one. Claire can't conversate with me due to emotions being of the devil and I'm too emotional and she doesn't recognize or strategize her brain injury so learning how to text let alone admitting she told mom she texted TJ during a lock down at Rutgers, Claire saw my emergency texts to her over mom as arbitrary so I had to send a copy to her patriarchal husband and son. Robo comes back threatening me that I'm harassing him. HA!!!! Mighty Mouse might be his new name he keeps that up. It's no laughing matter but I seem to be the butt of the joke in this tragic aftermath of dealing with tragedy from the medically knowledgeable pov. I also told Danielle that when I last saw christine the electronic gadget was off meaning the battery ran out and she's not getting proper care. Like I said on here it takes no half hour to fully charge that gadget. My cousin said she had one and told me where she needed to place it and sure enough I'm right again. Maybe that's why mom was flippant with me on the phone before. I thought it was due to her needing to put on an act for the world that I'm no good but since my cousin is there visiting today, she probably revealed how wrong the gadget is. Taking in mom's mail I see my name has been removed from everything and I mentioned to Danielle last night probably also from her will which includes my father's estate. OH THE HORROR! At least in Claire's eyes that I am some money hunting witch after money. Mom also has a will in Ireland like I said but this all might chalk(?) up to the Trump guilty tax fraud that came out today. We really suffered legal and medical rights in America without having our father's american born and educated family involved in our lives - and then there's the abuse I'm enduring by trying to assert them :-(((((. ... 8/22/18 So mom just called to get a phone number she misplaced and as I'm looking for it I ask if now Chris has her electronic gadget on correct since my cousin had the same thing and knows the answer. Mom didn't want to say yes and said pat guide is there. Ahhhh. She just said it's all taken care of (meaning they finally got it right) and she just wanted the number. Gave her the number and told her to tell pat guide about how all wrong christine's boot has been all this time. She said ok. Yeah right. I will be writing about the hashtag bioterrorism. My internet stalker and the shelves. Well when it returned to the shelves it took a bit to realize a new lint that keeps showing up in the shower oh and my infection(s) came back and the lint is the same color as Simone Biles' outfit in support of sexual abuse survivors. As always I simply keep the evidence and changed brands but I'm in a lot of pain. ... 8/25/18 Dream1sleep1: mugshot of Molly Tibbits murderer but news story in MA instead of IA. A tribe member was walking back and forth in front of identical trees and it was about 5 trees and the green of the leaves was prominent. Dream2sleep2: I woke up breathing fast due to the smooth escape of justice yet again from the violation and by now the sequence of events seems skewed: I was staying at a motel and for some reason was in the lobby meeting with 2 older business men. The one in the beige suit sitting next to me in the chair slanted toward me finished his question to me with his tone of voice going up as he reached out his hand toward me rubbing a finger gently up and down my vaginal area and I slowly reacted "You groped me!" I asked the woman behind the desk what the man's name was and she said his name 2ce and I said "he groped me. Call 911." She would no longer would say what his name was and I just started screaming "help call 911!" and the 2 men (the other in a light brown suit) fled as I got people's attention. A vision popped up at one point of a young girl?/woman? from porno with shirt raised and no bra - kind of like a mugshot. In waking life I'm in a lot of pain over the i-stalker/shelves/evidence situation. I have to wonder if the first dream is a revelation of a spirit-breaking event but I don't talk about tribe dreams. ... 8/27/18 Lots of flashes to my cousin recently that if she finally got what I'm saying she would not make a joke about a baby falling on it's head when I talked about birthing injuries in relation to psychiatry having a heyday with things like ADD or ADHD. That was a joke protecting things like insurance companies keeping victims like me at bay or otherwise shunned from society with the intent that humiliation will scare anyone away. My cousin read my blog but wasn't making connections such as the no-laughing-matter that according to Claire's brain washed teaching Ireland is one of the "sin" nations due to "marrying each other." She gets it now - I guess? My cousin specializing in a part of the body near the brain does NOT help the understanding of brain damage. What an exhausting adventure. I guess she spoke about it to another cousin who shows no involvement whatsoever. Sleep has become all screwed up. I WAS getting enough sleep before 7am. ... 8/29/18 Sometimes things just happen time-wise how they're supposed to. Arrived early like an hour to drop some stuff off. Went to the bathroom, didn't say long, stopped talking to the receptionist when the phone rang, put some water in my bottle from the outside cooler, and as I'm ready to roll off the ramp I look when I hear someone say something looking right at me and it took a sec but I told my cousin I recognize her from her facebook page. She's like "you recognize my face. You know me forever..." I told her "that's MY brain injury. I don't recognize people ..." and felt the primal knee-jerk disgust and medical abuse. I guess she never read my blog nor does she feel a sense of obligation(?) that by chance(?) her husband is from the town we had our accident in and he was just as put-offish as his wife was that I'm the problem. The cousin from Ireland is not here long enough but has been told the stupendous law access she has. When she was here last year I said I wouldn't hold my breath and it's good I didn't. Did I get through to her this time? We had a much longer conversation and I don't know if she lied about reading my blog for 4 hours last year but I do know I had to start from scratch like I always seem to be doing. Smfh. Of course I'm not at all big friendly when seeing some cousins - 1. Why break tradition just coz we're older and 2. I mean business. Was the Ireland cousin able to convince today's cousin's brother who's a cop everything I explained. It feels too hard to just chill out and know what's at work spiritually. ... 8/30/18 Can't log in to email. Feeling very sad. Thinking to my cousin who, in order to get started on a conversation they've all been turning off, I asked "Do you know what a hot mess is?" Her answer being "I think I'm looking at one." I appreciate her honesty and I know my mother would have a good laugh at that. The answer stung and I then drove home "this hot mess no lawyer wants to touch because it goes back YEARS of neglect." Did she connect the dots that it's a hot mess because of the guardian(s) we were left with? It was hard to talk and drive but I was able to drive home to her "Not in America! IN AMERICA children have LEGAL and MEDICAL rights!" When I talked about the bullying that is still here she seemed to put it off as trivial but I was like "No no. This is bullying over medical conditions I can't help." I think I relieved her with 2 points: "This has very little to do with over the ocean. We had an American born and educated father and the worst that happened to us is he died because the rest of his American born and educated family went away and didn't keep in touch (and we needed that)." She asked what my mother says to that and I said "People go on with their lives." She was defensive of my mother saying "that's true." The other relieving thing was her agreement that the answer was to take her children and GO BACK to where she came from so we didn't have to be the laughing stock in America. She disagreed we're a laughing stock but she doesn't realize that her joke about falling on head as a baby is the joke! ... 8/31/18 (Again) When I was with mom 2 days ago Christine came in the room as I was leaving and I saw that the electronic gadget is still not in the right place. Yesterday I forget why I was talking on the phone to mom (I think it was because ironically mom needed the name of the item that was on/off the shelves) but I said to her again about the gadget and I thought since my Ireland cousin was there it would have been done right. She insisted it's done right and I asked her where Christine's break is and she said it's not broken. It's a Jones fracture and I said OK where is it and she said in the instep of her foot. I said "then why in God's name is the ring on her shin?" Screaming from frustration happened and instead of her hanging up on me trying to change the conversation to something trivial, I hung up. WE WERE CHILDREN LEFT TO MEDICAL TERRORISM IN THIS COUNTRY BY IMMIGRANTS AND WE HAVE MIDDLE EASTERN TERRORIST/FRAUDSTERS FOR ONLINE SERVICES. WAKE UP AMERICA AND GET BUSY ROOTING OUT THE BAD ONES. ... 9/2/18 (upon waking at 9am) Still alive :-((( but I do have a way out these days at least. Can't remember my long dream. A week ago when John McCain died I had a dream that was fleeting with him in it. As if he was waving as he was leaving this earth. I was watching him float around in the night time sky and the stars were visible. ... OMG Dr mob runner or some dr (at the place where mom is) is being asked if christine's gadget is on the boot right and their answer is yes! Bullshit! Went there tonight and the gadget had no power which means it wasn't fully charged or it was on Chris before 9am. When done right the charge stays on for at least ten hours. It's a holiday weekend so they are short staffed. The ring was on her shin and the metal piece going into the ring was in the upper part of the ring nearest her outer knee. I told mom she needs to ask the salesperson and not the dr. Annoyed mom said for me to. What a bunch of stupidity six months in to healing a jones fracture. They talked about mom coming home the end of this week. ... 9/4/18 Scat-porn bathrooms complete. Enter Alanis with "you took a long hard look at my ass and then played golf for a while. I see right through you..." According to one late night show it's Trump behind this. ... 9/5/18 And I forgot to mention mom is in her 1/2 baked shell belief that oh Chris is still not better because sometimes these things take a long time. ... As my concentration of what I normally would do here leaves me, I totally relate to "Why would I go to my school reunions" not feeling attached to anyone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALEfE3rNCqI. It's a very lonely and frustrating place to be in life. Just like the 50 year old who wanted to date me when I was 35 and the sex was great - I think more so for him - and I just disconnected with part of the mind-run being that he has kids and I don't and the oldest is in college, and how do I integrate all this into my life, etc. ... And I actually feel/am abandoned by the only people I ever felt attached to because they are upset that I'm still talking about what I discovered is my brain injury. Not all of them are like that. Two take home the cake in that regard. ... 9/6/18 Oh yes and I forgot to fix what I put above: I said to my cousin "INJURED children in America have legal and medical rights." Did we ever miss out by being left with this immigrant in America. ... Oh yes and the visit with my cousin shed light on my mother freaking out about my Jamaican friend in College. There's a name I know because I've heard it over the years in our house. IT'S NEWS TO ME that this name married a Jamaican man and had mixed babies decades ago. As I learn how common around the world intolerance for other races is (PEOPLE REALLY NEED TO WATCH YOUTUBE MORE OFTEN AND GET TO KNOW THINGS HAPPENING IN THE MIDDLE EAST) I'm realizing how the breakers of intolerance are left for dead by some. I refuse to live medical lies and I'm left for dead. ... 9/8/18 It's the same shit that mom's not asking Claire or robo for help getting home because they're having work done on their house. I just called her and told her I can't help her and heard mom say this latest excuse. Thanks to my help Chris is staying a while longer. Mom withheld information about the no-fault all-salt insurance & when I heard mom about to make another fiasco of coming home early so Chris could get PT I sprung into action calling all 3 social workers giving the info. Now I have a case manager trying to contact me from the all-salt insurance. I left him a message to not bother, letting him know the mess blondie got me in, in 2004 & then it was used against me when I tried to get Chris proper medical care. He's been calling anyway. I let him know I've been waiting to die for 5 years now & jumping hasn't gone as planned. But I have a way out now. ... 9/10/18 As bad as I thought. Mom threw out brand new I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and good milk just to try to prove I'm that bad. She painted a picture that I did no shopping while she was away. WRONG and she forgot our conversations about it. I had a complete conversation with a sort of medicine man this weekend. I was very happy to finally have a more complete conversation. ... 9/12/18 So what happened was I had to send another EMERGENCY text to Claire but since I have no proof she is getting them also send to her husband and son and due to my brother-in-law threatening me, also send a copy to two aunts overseas. Mom was a mess when she got home and Claire has her work cut out for her. Just like I said in court "When Claire finally gets it, we'll have something to talk about" - paraphrase. So this time I let a whole lot out which I think came natural last time too. Claire didn't respond to just about everything including "Good job Claire. Christine now has a brand new brain injury from blood running down the driveway because I'm not involved in her medical care" - paraphrase. The two last text messages sent was to NOT try to come home early because Christine already has 6 weeks of home PT and never got the prescribed foot, ankle, knee brace (because I'm not involved in her care) and past examples of what we were left with is increased brain damage from related seizures - I forgot to give the word untreated but mom is saying that's all bullshit anyway. Also that mom is not telling Claire she needs help when coming home. She must keep that pretty picture for Claire at the cost of the lives she is medically shitting on. I was sure to point out that this is what Claire is uninvolved in AND was made the sole other guardian. When I chime in as to what reality is Claire ignores me. Aunt Maureen called the other night and it said "Private Caller" so Claire asked mom if she should pick it up. I looked at the time and said "Yes it's Aunt Maureen" and Claire ignored me and asked mom again and mom said yes. The same happened with the aid that tried to call Claire and I said "no it's already figured out. We spoke to the nurse" and Claire still insisted on getting the same answer I already gave. There's no need to be an asshole just because I'm right. Robo stopped coming around since I texted my truth to him that Claire didn't have to settle for him "but that's the messes developmentally injured children who do not receive proper care find themselves in." That's not all I had to say to him. Insults are one thing. Threats are another and I did not threaten him. This is the worst time for this FAMILY to have someone like him around. Having a man around is great to do what we have no male figure to do but it ends there. He didn't need to flatter himself thinking I was harassing him by texting to make sure communication got through in an EMERGENCY. Oh and the fact that The Big Bang Theory was canceled after I stated my "oh the horror"s about him should indicate something REALLY stinks with this. There's some kind of stink-shit-power going on surrounding The Way and this whole situation. That won't stop me. Death will. You got to be kidding me our lives were thrown away like this. I'm thrilled we have someone staying with us presently who is from Africa. I learn as much as I can. What a life! They don't pay mortgages and taxes. What a life! haha! I really like how candidly I can talk about black/white differences. She was the one to start that conversation and I let her know that I can get away with this conversation with her but if I have this conversation with a black in America, most likely I'm immediately racist and off-centered. She understood that too! Nice. That's enough for now. This is just so overwhelming/exhausting. There is so much WRONG about this Surrogate's Court situation and corruption is just continuing. ... 9/13/18 Oh how sparks flew today. In the end I think robo made an ass of himself. I knew Claire was coming and I said how we would probably get in each other's way. I was making vegetable tea when I knew Claire came in and I thought someone else came with her but I didn't turn all the way around to find out who. Just as last time, I filled in on information or helped with the understanding of the accent mom has a hard time getting through. I forget what I commented on as I was in the kitchen (talking out loud to myself?) but that's when robo started at me and said I have no medical life. I think I asked him if that's what he said and things just escalated from there. THAT'S THE MEDICAL ABUSE IN THE FORM OF MEDICAL DENIAL CHRISTINE'S LIFE WAS THROWN AWAY TO. I was very surprised to see robo go at me incessantly thinking it was going to take care of the situation. I let him know I will not be backing down from him. I let him know he needs to be put in his place by a woman. It completely did not come out in consecutive order "not a proverbs wife to leave you the uneducated loose cannon you are." He said exactly the threats he sent me and said it's not a threat. That I got bad things coming to me and I said "oh you mean after this life is over?" - paraphrase. He said "No with lawyers." I told him I hope to god he recorded all this because I didn't have a chance to and he could see exactly where the abuse came in in the form of medical abuse. Oh we were screaming at each other big time. The only difference with me is my over-the-top brain damage related response. He was a total hypocrite saying I need psychiatry. Doesn't he know that his religious sect doesn't believe in psychiatry? But I know his thinking on that too. That I choose to live the ways of the world so go ahead and do psychiatry because that's of the world. He said I should go get a job and not be some "lazy ass." He said "why aren't you in your house in Potsdam?" So we can see here the lack of communication or he lied/stayed silent that he reads my blog. I told him to go ask NYS why no one will hire me. I told him I don't have a problem getting a job in NJ but I'm not looking with this shit (Surrogate's Court corruption) going on. I told him there are people in NJ who know I need a job but no one is hiring me. Basically robo revealed to me he's the uneducated, NJ-rich pampered type. So at some point I learned that loverboy flattered himself thinking it was him that calmed a non-hysterical situation the other day. He said that it was only him speaking up that the screaming finally ended when I gave my mother's cell phone to her. When I heard that I promptly went to my mother and asked where her cell phone was. I showed him exactly what happened. I showed him "this is how you turn this speaker phone on" and he watched it pop up and say "speaker on." I answered the phone saying "hello is this on speaker phone?" With Claire talking I found out it was. Today I showed him how you change the phone to "speaker off" and I explained the pop up of speaker off didn't show at said time so I eventually handed the phone to mom and said I have no idea if speaker is off. (I helped mom pay a 26 day overdue bill within 3 seconds of Claire calling and we had the phone on speaker phone). It was Claire's rudeness to me that made me say out loud that the bill was 26 days overdue. Oh robo took that as me screaming too. (Earlier in this blog you'll read this is not the first - oh I know I had moms corded phone on speaker phone and Claire took it as me screaming.) I then went into the kitchen talking out loud to myself something about "a technical moron and it's going to come down on me???" That's when robo went outside and I started drinking my vegetable tea. The time span of this situation can be known by the fact that I boil my vegetables for 8 minutes and I let some herbs steep in the pot for 10 minutes most times. So in this span of 20 minutes I am drinking my tea and hear behind me "hello" but I didn't turn around. I thought maybe it was robo and either TJ or Christopher. It was police. Right away I say "There's no emergency here. This is a civil matter. Not a criminal matter." Immediately the police seemed structured. So the cops said they just need to make sure there's nothing here and that things are peaceful and they can leave. PEACEFUL MY ASS as I think about it now. Yes their job is to "keep the peace" but there's something missing in that statement relative to this situation. Anyway, my logorrhea from brain injury will be used against me (if not recognized as a brain damage symptom) because I totally said a whole lot in answers to the police. One cop spoke to mom and claire and one to me. The rookie was talking to me and I remember saying to him "I don't need this stranger coming here telling me I don't have a medical life when we've all had a medical life since 1978 - those two are just in denial about it and I refuse to be in denial about it." As my mother was making her scoffing noise that was the make-or-break about Claire having Christine over, I told the cop we were all in an accident right down here in front of the deli. Eventually I told him about Ace Ventura who used to work at his department knew what I was like before our accident and after. I told him there was another cop there I graduated with but I totally don't remember his name. As they were leaving I reiterated about criminal/civil and the older cop had the rookie come up and take everyone's name and date of birth. I think that's all I can get out now. I'm really glad this all came out. I mean I just wasted a lot of time because I told him this is all in my blog and I'm just repeating all the things that are already there. My mother said something once that he needs to know how to get to the blog and I said to her I have a feeling he's already reading it and just not saying it right now. Mom also left out if she definitely gave them my blog address because last I remember she said "I'M not doing that CRAP!" There was also the time I told my mother to give Claire the blog address long ago and Claire's response was "I don't get on Facebook." When it comes to brain injury robo asked me if I'm a doctor. OMG I'VE ONLY BEEN WORKING WITH BRAIN INJURY PROFESSIONALS SINCE 1995. Let me guess - he takes the neurologist (without a neuropsychologist involved) at face value. He threw in my face that a judge said I'm wrong and I promptly put him in his place that the judge asked, witnessed, and admonished my mother for improper medical care through the years but let the whole thing slide I guess because I didn't have a lawyer. It's really good to say to his face what we all should have been communicating about for years. I think it was me that said to robo "you don't know what goes on around here" as he said something to me and that's when I was like "oh I've heard those words from you before. Remember about 15 years ago I cited the word of god to you in giving yourself to your wife?" I'm pretty sure I reminded him about something he totally forgot about. I also know his mentality in The Way about living in the past (rather than lifetime disabilities) so I'm thinking it was irrelevant to him. ... oh yes and "dumb ass" wasn't the first name calling that spit out of my mouth I think when he asked me if I'm on disability. "Yes dumb ass!" I told him to ask my doctors if I have a medical life. I never thought I would be so impolite to robo like that but I was totally provoked. Those who aren't familiar with this story might not see it as provoked but then again what is this man doing in our lives that were forever changed into medical needs 40 years ago. ... when the cops were asking questions I said he's only here because he's married to her meeting in a religious cult. He wanted to know how the rest of the day was going to proceed and I said I was going to do my volunteering after drinking my tea and getting something to eat. I totally forgot to say I also had to look up directions for my day. I was pressured on getting out of the house because then that would become a police situation - simply because police having to inquire why I'm still there when I'm supposed to leave and being seen as suspicious. Nice going robo. So I wound up leaving the house about 2 hours earlier than I expected all because robo felt so confident police were going to see me as criminal. He's just not used to women educating him and putting him in his place. There's always a first for everything. ... oh yes and when the cop was telling my mother and sister that yelling is just yelling and everyone yells sometimes I said "Thank you!" ... 9/14/18 so today I found out robodick said he's coming back next week to clean mom's kitchen table. He better not start with me. I have the freedom of speech to say whatever I like in the place I was kept prisoner with a guardian who couldn't take medical care of us. That reminds me I did say to the cop the history of undiagnosed brain injuries of Claire. She was unconscious for a day after our accident; then there was the drugs she did on top of that at the high school; during that time there was the moped wipe-out with her friend down the street; finally there was the crashing her car drunk into a telephone pole and I said to the cop that she had to go to court over those criminal charges and "I don't know what happened. I guess she was already 18 so the judge who ordered her out of this house never looked into other children being in the home." So anyway I don't know what constitutes the level of anything for a restraining order but he better realize he is Mighty Mouse around these women and back off from territory he is a guest in. He's a guest in this medically-centric family too so keep your distance buddy. I will never back down from you. I know exactly the injuries we sustained, exactly the justice we children never got, and the throw away he is to all of it. Today I was driving home to mom something about what is happening based on their religion and she said she didn't want to hear it. That got me started and the African aid turned around and signaled for me to stop which was good because in that condition you sometimes need that structure to pop up but she added with it "be a nice woman." I said "oh I've been a nice woman for years and then she went into court and lied" (about all our lives she was put medically in charge of). I then explained to her the difference between her Islam and how Claire's group views it yet they borrow things (as explained by Brigitte Gabriel in my playlist). ... From https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUPubonKLFM&index=7&list=PLD3f8bPzPpZafJ8EtMI2DeRrclp2iEKMS on my playlist of https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD3f8bPzPpZafJ8EtMI2DeRrclp2iEKMS:
"Good day. You know you can have more than abundant life after The Way International. I'd like to talk about that at this moment. Now I hear from a lot of people who are in the way or have been in The Way International. Quite a range of people. Some of them left the group 40 years ago and are still disturbed by it. Others are still in the group that have a nagging sense that maybe it isn't the best place to be. Some of these people were converted to Christ in the Jesus Movement and came into The Way later. Others were children born in The Way International and know no other any kind of Christian experience. Others were Blue Bloods - you would recognize their name if you were related to The Way International at all but the thing that's common among all of them is that it's disturbing to them to have been in The Way International. It upsets their mind, their heart, their spirit, their faith. So I'd like to give you 10 suggestions for how you can go about ah dealing with the aftermath of The Way International and finding more than abundant life after The Way International. Now The Way International was pictured as a tree in the early years but it was in the middle 1980s that The Way tree splintered into so many pieces as so many people left The Way International all at once. They left in blocks, whole limbs, or States. Left as groups in some cases. Others left more individually but the way splintered into many pieces. Now this tells you that you are in good company. In fact, something like 95 percent of the people who were ever in The Way International have left it after seeing the error that's there. So you're in good company there. You're right and seeing error in The Way International and The Way is wrong in saying that it's God's ministry. In fact why would God be so inept as to let 95 percent of his people go? There are deep wounds in people and a nagging sense you can find a more than abundant life in The Way International. You're in good company with the 95 percent. Second, I'd like you to own up to the fact that The Way International is ah a corrupt time organization and harmful at its core. Remember that The Way only lasted about 15 years from the time it began to grow as a result of tapping into the Jesus Movement to the time it began to splinter in the mid 80s - only 15 years. It's because the roots were bad from the beginning and the leadership in the group didn't want you to know many things. Let's call a spade a spade. Let's not say that Victor Paul Wierwille learned from others but that he plagiarized. Plagiarism is a lie and print. You need to own up to that. We need to own up to the fact that the first two presidents were sexual predators and not dismiss that as an error and that they weren't the man of God for our day and time but wanted you to think that so that you they would be able to have a greater following. Now it's painful to admit that the organization is corrupt at its core but it's important first step. And third, and this is very important: You need to see the cultic structure in The Way International. The structure is common among many cultic groups. The way has some unique beliefs and practices perhaps but it has the same structure as other groups that have the cultic structure. You can learn about these other groups because they have common elements. One common element is that they promote themselves as being the only source of truth. The Way said they had truth; everybody else said tradition. They condemn everyone else as being inept or stuck in tradition - just a bunch of Maggie Muggins as The Way like to say. Cultic structures try to isolate their people from Christian groups and even from their families. The leader always claims to have a unique revelation as Wierwille claimed that God spoke to him audibly. He claimed that there was a blizzard in Tulsa that kept him from leaving town - clearly a lie that is demonstrable but these unique revelations are things that are claimed in cultic structures. The Way International is authoritarian like others with cultic structure. The president of The Way has always had more control over the group than the Pope has over the Catholic Church. In cultic structures you're not allowed to it even admit the possibility there might be error. The Way called that negative believing and there's a certain kind of program thinking or lingo in the group's wavering(?) in this case and so recognize that cultic structure and what it's like ah because it's common to all those groups. And fourth recognize that the founder Victor Wierwille was the source of error. It wasn't just ah error that crept in later. Th- the root itself was poison. That was the problem. He lived with the Apostle Paul said. In Timothy he said "People will not put up with sound doctrine instead to suit their own desires they'll gather teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear and certainly Victor Wierwille had itching ears. He was attracted to doctrines and teachings that were unusual or exotic or not commonly accepted. He didn't have discernment. It seemed like he only picked authors that used initials instead of whole names as though that was his only standard so he picked B G and J E and E W and Casey but he latched on to false teachings that sounded interesting or exciting to him because he could use them to promote himself as a unique source of truth, as the truth rather than tradition. So don't rationalize these things. There is a kind of idol worship in The Way and it was focused on especially the founder but on the president thereafter as well. Don't rationalize it. Don't say Wierwille learned from others when he clearly plagiarized. He clearly rewrote verses of the Bible through literal translations according to usage which were neither literal nor translations. He even contradicted himself in those. He didn't mind rewriting the Bible. Own up to that and don't rationalize it. The first two presidents were sexual predators. Accept that. The route was a poison; not the leader ah leadership. Now this is hard to accept the poison goes to the root but it's very important in order to find abundant life after The Way International. Fifth, avoid the clones. Now when The Way tree splintered it splintered it to many groups of different sizes with different leaders. They looked a little bit different on the surface claiming to have a little different beliefs or certainly a different leadership but these were cosmetic differences. They were actually quite the same in their beliefs and practices and any outsider would recognize that which meant that the same errors were carried over to them like vinegar in a wine glass. Now you're attracted to clones because they're the same as The Way International not because they're different but, you know, the soft green sprout on a thorn bush will still produce thorns later on. So avoid the clones and to find the more than abundant life outside The Way. It's also important to be able to change your way of thinking that's promoted in the culture structure; to change wavering in order to have the more than abundant life after The Way International. Have you ever been blessed by the Bless Patrol? Now Bless Patrol is an odd name for a group that does security during the Rock of Ages but it's an example of the kind of lingo(?) that was common in The Way International. They have their own ways of thinking and talking. You might call that wavering; certain ways of thinking and talking promoted by The Way International. Now every cultic structure has important ah lingo or programming of the mind that happens in the group and The Way International did this especially through certain phrases that were used. And so these phrases embody Way practice and when pressed on people and made a permanent impact about that. And so it's just important to identify and to do surgery on this wavering. Now you'll recognize many phrases common in The Way International. For instance, believing equals receiving. Positive believing. Negative believing. For crucified. All nine all the time. Abundant sharing. Happy household holidays. Um man of God for our day and time. Now these are all common Way phrases but what do all these phrases have in common? Well if you think about it none of these phrases are found in the New Testament. Now certain words were compiled or cobbled together but although those individual words are in the New Testament those phrases are not and so it's important to identify these as a way of kind of programming the mind in The Way International. They often claim to think for themselves when in fact from an outsider's perspective everyone seemed to think alike and act alike. In fact, the purpose of Way Brain was to establish uniformity. It was to really ah to destroy the set and cause dependence on The Way International alone. And so Way Brain makes it hard for people to let go of error and to take on the new. And so you do Way Brain surgery and it's good to be exposed to information about The Way International outside The Way to get a different perspective and information that The Way does not want you to know. And then to identify parts of Way Brain that are (holding you back?). And then when you can identify them, then (erase them?). It's important to do surgery on Way Brain to find fullness of life after The Way International. There's another element and that is remembering that although certainly not everything in The Way International is bad also a lot of good things were twisted and so it makes them less good than they appear. For instance, the powerful Abundant Living class has keys to understanding The Word of God. Saying The Word of God is accurate. Now this is true but if you look at how the keys are presented and the examples, the undercurrent and the main theme of it all is that The Word of God as interpreted by The Way International; the will of God as exemplified by Dr. Victor Paul Wierwille is what's accurate - not tradition. And so a good thing, the accuracy of The Word is twisted into a less good thing. Another example is believing. Now the Bible talks about how you believe God who makes things happen. The law of believing says it's YOU who believe or unbelieve that causes things to happen. That's an entirely different thing. Now certainly there were sincere people in The Way International and many teachings from the Bible were true. However, there are errors mixed into that. And it seemed to (inaudible) New Knoxville they became programmed and the less truth and love came out of them. Because there's a certain programming done at the root location. Now some people say Victor Paul Wierwille did many good things and so if he did good things we need to pay attention to him and honor him and learn from him. Now it's important to remember that in the new testament the book of Timothy and Titus gives specific qualifications for a church leader, a godly person to listen to. Victor Paul Wierwille did not fit into those qualifications and so he didn't qualify as a church leader and should not be listened to on those issues or any issues at all. It's important not to mix the error with the good; not to mix the cyanide with the Chardonnay; and so it's important to not tolerate key errors in The Way International or Victor Paul Wierwille just cause they were good elements. Now there's another part of the Way Brain that's real important to deal with and that is guilt. Now whenever people leave The Way International, typically they leave with guilt to one degree or another. it's important to discern distinguish between true guilt and false guilt. Now The Way International impresses people with false field. They feel guilty leaving the way thinking that leaving The Way International is leaving God they have the guilt feeling that leaving The Way International's teaching is leaving Bible teaching. They may feel guilt over hearing or speaking critically of The Way International thinking that's negative believing which will cause bad things to happen. Now this is all a false guilt. It does not need to be repented of or forgiven. Just root it out, identify it as a false (inaudible) and root it out. That's false guilt but there's also true guilt. People have misled others as in The Way International or manipulated them using The Way's methods. And so we do need to turn to God for His grace and forgiveness cause that's true guilt and grace and forgiveness and mercy will ah solve that truly guilt. Sometimes it's also appropriate to ah approach individual people who we have harmed in some way and ask forgiveness where that's appropriate or beneficial but in either case we need to identify to discern true and false guilt and dispense with it in the appropriate way. Now there's another element of Way Brain and if you deal with this one this will certainly help in finding fullness of life after The Way International. it's also important that you find fellowship and teaching in a Christian Church. One lie in The Way International was that there was truth just inside The Way and there was only error in tradition in the Christian Church. This is part of Way Brain you need to get rid of. There are certainly is truth and direction and guidance in the Christian Church and this is an important source of truth and counsel for you and there are certainly many Christian churches in many Christian denominations that believe the Word of God is inspired; that teach it well; that hold the core doctrines of the Christian faith in common with other churches and that of church leaders that love and listen and have wisdom and knowledge and this is the support that you need. Victor Paul Wierwille was always better at separating people from the Christian Church than he was at having them follow him in particular. In that way he was doing Satan's work. You need to ask help and find it in the Christian Church. Now you may have discomfort at the beginning. This is just a byproduct of Way Brain and you need to get past that hindrance to faith and your growth in your development. Part of this will be making or re-establishing relationships with people. Very often families are divided when someone is involved in The Way International because the group wants your you your unique devotion to it at the expense of other relationships. If that's happened you need to re-establish those family relationships. I need you to start new relationships with Christians in churches who can be a help and a support and guidance to you. One last thing, as you find abundant life outside The Way, it's important that you have the simple faith of a child. You don't need to know the answer to every question. You just need to depend on the one who does, our Lord Jesus Christ. It was Jesus Christ himself who used a child as an example of the best kind of faith. "Be like this child" he said "not someone who you, through his believing, achieves things, but one who depends on the one who does achieve things. Namely, his heavenly father." You may well need to backtrack to the time BV. That is: Before Victor. Victor Paul Wierwille robbed many new believers from the Christian Church in the Jesus Movement in the 1970s and it was their faith that they brought in from outside that energized much of The Way International. Um the life is in Christ Jesus, not in the way and you need to go to those times beefy BV and like a child ah learn to trust (inaudible) not expect to understand all things. Learning to receive from your father, not feeling, but strive to get it and that you wait and more than strive for growth and that way the simple faith of a child can give you the strength to move forward in your spiritual life. Now there is the abundant, the greater life outside The Way International and, like surgery, it takes some periods of pain or perseverance but what comes out is a much more healthy approach to them. This takes some time and effort; some support from the church; and it takes God's grace and health but there is the more than abundant life outside The Way International. Good day." ... 9/16/18 If you've seen the new commercial about the mother "part drama queen, part comedian" driving her daughter and son around you'll see the harassment in our lives. Talk of me being that surrounded surrogate proceedings ten years ago. What coldness instead of giving brain damage credit its due. Someone is off the beaten path about me in making such an evaluation. Anyway I was way off with that 15 year recall that I said to robodick. It was more like 23 to 25 years ago that Claire was drinking alcohol to deal with the stress of no sex from robo after childbirth. I can't remember if Christopher had been born yet. I think so because I remember exact details surrounding that but I'm not sure if he was born yet. So yes after finding this out from Claire I had the bible talk with robo citing what the bible says about giving himself to his wife. Anyway, how today started out before I left the house was mom asking the date and saying it's dad's birthday. I said "yeah he's probably turning over in his grave" over the medical lives of his children. I said "you know there's another side to senior abuse and that's the child (medical?) abuse that preceeded it." I really had a bad feeling driving to the tribal event today but feeling so much better after talking about it, at least for now. Remember the kiss on the lips I typed about? It's kind of turned into a comedy but the lack of social reading cues, learned 19 years too late in the first 5 minutes with a brain injury counselor, may easily apply but I wouldn't know. It's all good. Today I was able to talk about Claire's ill-informed view on Native Americans to a significant Native. They don't worship things like the sun, moon, and trees, etc. It felt good to have the true explanation be said by a Native American. Today also gave me peace exactly the type of thing I will say if robo is there this week while I'm there. He thought he saved the day with the cell phone speaker, well all I'm going to say is "As long as lover boy here doesn't infringe on my conversations, we'll be fine." If he comes at me it will be "shut the fuck up about a family you married into that you will never understand because you don't believe in an unseen medical life." Something like that. Last night mom said to Claire the same to me of not dealing with something yet because it's down the road (more than once). Mom had previously answered Claire's question that she talked to Chris at the nursing home and Chris says she's fine. You could then hear a very enthusiastic "happy Claire" say "Uh huh!" So for all I know it's the Supplemental Needs Trust mom left out in the open before going to the hospital that day when Chris was left all alone, Claire is looking to enthusiastically make Christine a long term resident. I just can't describe the life-flashing negligence and oversight going on. I know what it's like to be happy living in a structured environment like a nursing home outside of mom's negative toxicity but I will not be stepping foot inside an institution with this piss-poor way and rights-denial way this was all done. (Flashback in these past couple years when loverboy told mom that they can arrange visits with/for me. SMACK! ONE BIG RED MARK RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE. He's got to become unspoiled in his patriarchal authority some time). Planning for only one of us and it's short-changing her life. So now that we have a transcript about The Way International, we're going to have a transcript of a native middle easterner CHRISTIAN on the lie we've all been taught or the lack of truth that went down in history. Claire voted for Trump as a die-hard Republican erroneously thinking our family is Republican. She didn't know mom was a registered Democrat. Thank John F. Kennedy for that. Anyway, Trump helped to bring out the deception in her sect and all sects it seems here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj8J62BqRMo&list=PLD3f8bPzPpZafJ8EtMI2DeRrclp2iEKMS&t=904s&index=6 from my playlist of https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD3f8bPzPpZafJ8EtMI2DeRrclp2iEKMS: (Addendum to this deleted video at end because new video ends differently) "*Brigitte Gabrielle:* So what I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna crunch 1,400 years of Islamic history in five minutes and make it as exciting as I can possibly make it because I hated history when I was a little girl. At this age I appreciate history and now I understand why they say those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. In order for you to understand why Western civilization is very different than the Islamic world you need to understand the history of Islam. When Prophet Muhammad supposedly revealed his revelation from the angel Gabriel that he is supposed to be the last of the prophets in the early six hundreds he started preaching in his own City Mecca. He tried to recruit friends and followers to be able to spread his religion and he tried for 12 years and failed and after 12 years he was only able to recruit his immediate family and friends so he decided "if I go to Medina" which was the Jewish hub of Arabia, the business hub where the Jews lived, "if I go there and preach my religion to them, if they accept me that will buy me a respect and stature in between my own people and they will accept me." So Prophet Muhammad started borrowing a lot from the Old Testament to make his religion more palatable to the Jews, to make it a lot similar. This is why you see a lot of similarities between Judaism and Islam. For example, Jews don't eat pigs, Muslims don't eat pigs. Jews pray a few times a day, Muslims pray a few times a day. Jews fast on Yom Kippur. Muslims fast on Ramadan and this is why you started seeing a lot of good writing in the beginning of the Quran when Prophet Muhammad was saying all the good things about the people of the book. He took his message and went to Medina trying to recruit the Jews - talking about the people of the book; talking about how similar the two religions are. When they refused to accept him and follow him as the last of the prophet, that's when he turned against them and started killing them and started expelling them. That's when Islam went from a spiritual movement for the first 12 years of Islam into a political movement cloaked in religion after the year of the Hijra after Muhammad went to Medina and the Jews did not accept him. He became a military warrior and declared war on them and started expelling them. Jews and Christians became Dhimmi or second class citizens. They were only allowed to stay alive and not be killed only by paying the jizya or the production tax so they had a choice: convert to Islam or if you want to stay alive you have to pay the jizya or protection protection tax living as dhimmi in the Islamic nation. Christians and Jews could not ring a church bell. Jews could not blow the shofar. Christians could not ring church bells. They could not pray publicly. Ah ah Christians and Jews could not gather together and build new churches or new temples and the way they paid the jizya or the protection tax was in a monthly ceremony where they would get together downtown and the jewel would kneel on his knee and hand his goods to the Mullah who would take the goods as the as as the price for buying the protection and in many areas Jews and Christians were given necklaces to wear as a receipt that they paid their jizya or their protection tax. Jews considered negus under Islam. Negus is bodily fluid. Negus ah ah is garbage. Negus is dogs. negus is dirty. So Christians and Jews were treated as second-class citizens. Islam continued to grow. As Islam grew more people became Dhimmi or second class citizens. Jews and Christians were given identifiable clothing. The yellow star which was given to the Jews that most people think is a German invention, it was actually an Islamic invention in the 9th century in Iraq by the second Caliph(?), Calif (inaudible due to complicated name) of Iraq, who invented the yellow star for the Jews to be identified as they walk down the street. Because Jews were considered negus, if a Muslim man or a Jew blocked on the same side of the street that you had to cross the other side so the Muslim man can walk so he's not dirtied by the filth of the Jew. Christians were given the Zunnar, the belt which most of you men are wearing right now. That was an Islamic invention for the Christians. Islam continued to grow. They went all the way to Jerusalem. They conquered Jerusalem. Christians couldn't ring their church bells in Jerusalem. The Pope in Rome, in 1090, told the Christians "how could you sit idly by and allow your brethren to be ah suffer to suffer like this in the Holy Land. You need to go liberate the Christians. You need to go help the Christians. That's why the Crusaders were launched. The Crusaders ... (applause) ... the Crusaders were not launched because they just felt like waking up in the morning and going and converting a bunch of Muslims or beheading them. The Crusaders were launched to liberate Jerusalem and they were able to liberate Jerusalem for less than 100 years before Salah ad-Din Saladin took it back and Jerusalem remained under Islamic control until 1967 when the State of Israel liberated Jerusalem where Christians Jews AND Muslims could pray under the same sky. The Crusaders continued fighting Islam and for 300 years they tried and failed and by the 1300s the Crusaders disappeared because they could not win against Islam. Islam continued to expand. They went all the way to Central Europe. They went all the way to China. They went to India. They conquered Spain. They changed the name of Spain from Spain to Andalusia and they started as as they advanced, as they conquered more nations more people paid the jizya or the protection tax and this is how the Islamic empire grew. It went all the way until they were stopped at The Gates of Vienna on 9/11. 9 el... I mean 9/11 is not a date that Osama Bin Laden just picked out of a hat. 9/11 is a symbolic date in the Islamic calendar. Between the 1600 by the 1600s Islam had covered more of the Earth's surface than the Roman Empire did at its peak. Between the 1600s and the 1800s the Europeans were experiencing the European Industrial Revolution where the Europeans were able to invent products on factory lines, where they are able to make money and sell products which gave them the money to build a strong army in order to fight the Muslims and that's how they were able to stop them at the Gates of Vienna on 9/11. The the Europeans started the push back against Islam. They pushed them out of Europe. They pushed them out of ah all the way to the Middle East and North Africa. By 1924 the Islamic Empire ended. In 1924 the Islamic caliphate ended in turkey by President Ataturk, who was a secularist. He ended the Islamic empire and he gave women rights to vote. He gave women a right to an education; a right to work; a right to choose a husband. He forbid women from wearing the hijab. He forbid men from wearing the beard. The Muslim hate him so much that they consider him a Jewish agent because they believe that his mother in her bloodline was Jewish and that was the influence on Ataturk. By the time the Islamic empire or the Islamic caliphate or the Islamic state ended in 1924, the Islamic caliphate had existed for fourteen hundred years and it ended less than 100 years ago. By the time the Islamic caliphate ended in 1924 two hundred and seventy million people around the world were killed by Islam. Two hundred and seventy million and we didn't have weapons of mass destruction and there was nuclear weapons. All of these people were killed - butchered by the sword. The people in the world, less than a hundred years ago, how many people knew this history? Please raise your hand. We in America have failed to educate our children about history. We in America failed to educate our population about history. Our children in high school you take any 17 16 year-old kids 18 year-old kid and asked them about World War 2. They can't even tell you what happened at World War II. For them it's ancient history and we still have our World War two veteran walking among us. That's how little we know of history. Islam, and in the 1924, the Caliphate people thought "Islam well the caliphate will never be resurrected. The caliphate will never come back" but two things happened in the Middle East in the last century that made the Islamists be able to resurrect the caliphate. Number one is a discovery of oil in Saudi Arabia which we were able to discover and were stupid enough to allow them to nationalize it and the number two that happened was Ayatollah Khomeini coming to power in 1979. That gave the Islamists the money and also the spiritual covering in order to explode on the world stage and people say "oh well the Wahhabis exported there were Wahhabi radical religion." The Wahhabis are the name of Wahhab. They're not a different sect of islam. They follow the authentic preaching of Prophet Muhammad the way Prophet Muhammad lived and practiced his religion. This is why neither you or me or any infidel can step a foot in Mecca because as far as they're concerned we are filth and as infidels we're not allowed to step a foot, not President Obama and not anybody else. As a matter of fact Al-Qaeda used to use Saudi Arabia and its success as as an excuse to recruit members as the example to show them how Allah has blessed Saudi Arabia because of the way they adhered to the tenets of Islam - and today we talk about Isis. Isis is not a new invention. Isis resurrected that Caliphate that ended less than a hundred years ago except we are too ignorant and too uninformed to understand why what Isis is doing and why Isis is succeeding. Two things you need to understand ah about Islam and the principles of war in Islam: One is the Law of Taqiya which means lying and deception. It means that a Muslim man can lay his hand on the Koran and swear that he is telling the truth knowing that he is lying but also knowing that the Koran will forgive him because he is advancing because of Islam (MY INSERT: TO A T THAT IS THE WAY INTERNATIONAL BELIEF!!!). The second thing you need to know about, is that The Treaty of Al Hudaybiyyah, which is an Islamic principle of war and a model on how to deceive your enemy when you have to sign peace treaties with your enemy and it is based on an example by Prophet Mohammed. Prophet Muhammad was attacking the Meccans and their caravans when he was living in Medina. One day he attacked them because this is how he got the goodies. He would attack them, robbed them, and spread the goodies among his men and this is how he was able to recruit because this is how people made money (without working) and so he attacked the Meccan Caravans when he realized he is not able to defeat the Meccans in that city of Al Hudaybiyyah, in that place, he signed a ten-year treaty with them - does that sound familiar? A ten-year treaty with them - that says he will not attack them, he will have peace with them, he will not declare war on them. Muhammad used the treaty for two years - to build his military, strengthen his army, and when he realized he was strong enough to attack his enemies when they least expected it because they said they thought they had a peace treaty with Muhammad, he broke the treaty, attacked them two years later, and Mecca fell within 24 hours because they were not expecting the attack and that became a principle of war in Islam and to give you an example of how that is practiced this is why anything signed with Iran means nothing to them and to give you an example of how this law has been put to use in the last, in recent history Yasser Arafat, who's not an Islamist but he is a Muslim, met with the Israelis and signed the Oslo Accord in 1993. Remember all the handshaking at the Lawn of the White House? The Oslo Accord Yasser Arafat used the peace treaty, The Oslo Accord with Israel to get Israel to bring him back and give him his territory. Finance his military, train his police, and give his police the weapons. Yasser Arafat broke the Oslo Accord eight years later, they didn't even wait ten years, and declared the Second Intifada in 2000 and all hell broke loose. He used the same treaty to win and deceive against his enemies and deceive his enemies. When Jordanian press, after Yasser Arafat signed the Oslo Accord with Israel and Egyptian press would interview Yasser Arafat and they would say "how could you sign a peace treaty with the devil? how could you sign a peace treaty with the Jews?" Yasser Arafat will tell them "remember Hudaybiyyah." That's all he would have to say. The whole Muslim world knew exactly what Yasser Arafat was talking about. We in the West AND the Jews in Israel, it was over their heads. Nobody understood what Hudaybiyyah was referring to and this is the type of deception that we are dealing with so when Iran signs a peace treaty with the United States for ten years, they are using us as useful idiots as gullible, ignorant people who are signing a peace treaty with the devil in order for Iran to continue her thing. *?:* In this deadly game of thrones there's no place for America or for Israel. We don't have to gamble with our future and with our children's future... - Elie Wiesel. And I wish I could promise you Elie, that the lessons of history have been learned. *Brigitte Gabrielle:* That is why it is so important to be wise about who we're gonna put in the White House next year. This is why it is very important that whoever we're gonna elect next year to office that the next president be well-informed about the history of radical Islam: understand our enemy, understand what Isis is all about, understand what it's their end goal is, and this is exactly, people are wondering: "how come Isis is having such success recruiting people from all over the world? They exploded all over the world." Pure, the pure research ah did a poll and of course the pure research is not Brigitte Gabrielle; is not Fox News; is not tony Perkins. The pure research did a poll, in 2013 when they went around the world and interviewed Muslim from Islamic countries all over the world and they asked them two questions: Would you like to have Sharia law as the law of your country?" And "would you like to see the Islamic caliphate?" Remember this was in 2013 before Isis. The five top countries in the world, in the Islamic world the five top Islamic countries: Indonesia - 240 million 204 million Muslims Indonesia, Afghanistan, Indonesia, Pakistan, Egypt, Nigeria, and Bangladesh, 77 percent of Muslims interviewed in these Islamic countries, 77 percent won the establishment of Sharia law and want the establishment of an Islamic state. That means 77 percent of the world quote moderate Muslims agree with the establishment of Isis and what Isis is doing. (Addendum to this deleted video found someplace else)--->[[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0m9nEafBE4&list=PLD3f8bPzPpZafJ8EtMI2DeRrclp2iEKMS&index=6&t=4s
"Let's not fool ourselves. This is very important that whoever we're gonna elect is gonna be somebody who is strong on national security; who's gonna put America first; who's gonna make America great again; who's gonna send a strong message to the world. The minute he walks into office, whoever we elect, that the world is going to realize that this person you're not gonna mess with because he could care less about what you think; what the U.N. thinks; what the world thinks. They can all go to hell. We care about America and only the United States of America. ... I hope that we learn from the lessons of history; that we learn from the Elie Wiesels; from the Brigitte Gabrielles; and any others who are warning America about what is about to come. ... May God bless you one and all and may God bless the United States of America. Thank you."]]]
*Muhammad on Trial transcript:* Islam as a religion is a lie draft with some facts and truth.
*?:* I want the truth!
*?:* You can't handle the truth!
*Book:* The People vs Muhammad" ...
9/18/18 Sitting here with constant flashes of the man that, if he doesn't like this family and its medical conditions, then get the fuck out. Peggy and Vinny got divorced. It happens. But do NOT impose on me. I don't know if he's coming tomorrow but do not put tape over my mouth. That's in essence what he tried to do I guess. Having ptsd over the anticipation but I'll get through it. ... https://www.newjerseydivorcelawyerblog.net/r-g-v-r-g-new-jersey-restraining-orders/. One of robo's threats is that I'm going to have a world of hurt come down on me. Stupid enough not to define "a world of hurt" and I'm too disabled to go to police without a lawyer to protect my own brain injury. ... I'm keeping an eye out for more trouble the young one might be doing regarding me. He should know that my latest volunteer work was asked of and approved by tribe. Don't fuck with me again. You know I don't sit by silently. ... As a matter of fact I remember the change in tone of voice of someone as I was leaving. If you have a problem with me TALK to me. I don't back down buddy. Apparently you do. Don't think for one minute you're going to succeed in a rumor mill about me. I'm too good with recognizing patterns. ... 9/19/18 So getting home late works really well for sleep. Woke up about 7:30 this morning but wasn't ready to leave the house until about 12:30 pm. I made it well known that I am not rushing myself out of the house because of this stranger to the family. Where was he when we were slammed into a mack truck? Where was he through thick and thin? He has no problem short-changing my sister's life due to cultic belief. Mom said she thought Claire was coming by herself but wasn't sure. All our lives a slap in the face. ... Mom asked me today if I was driving near where Christine is and I said every time I'm here I drive by the road. She asked if I could bring her something. As if! That's Claire's job now. Mom indicated "they" may not have time to go to her today. My response? "She's got her work cut out for her doesn't she? You / she shouldn't have lied ten years ago and you should have included me as Christine's medical guardian." ... oh yes and mom tried the angle of a guilt trip. Something about "you won't even do anything for your sister." I think that's the definition of a narcissist. Judge Judy I need you to reopen my case! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6ZIp8H0JMw. The guy sounds as brilliant as loverboy: at 3:44 "... Judge Judy: I worked in the family court for 25 years. I know about children with special needs. I know about children who have ADHD. I know about children who have learning disabilities. I know about children who have behavioral problems, and if what you're telling me is that you believe ... you have a high school degree sir! ... Mr. England I'm telling you sir - Mr. England: You're wrong. - Judge Judy: Mr. England this is not a give and take situation sir - Mr. England: Yes it is because you're not listening.- Judge Judy: It's not a give and take situation sir. I don't think that I have to listen to nonsense that two people who have a bare minimum education where you couldn't get a job in most governmental institutions - Mr. England: expression of exasperation. - Judge Judy: taking a child with clearly a behavioral special need and putting him in a CLOSET. A closet that had stored food with a table and a chair and told him to work there during the day and someone who worked for 22 years to get an associate's degree went in and said 'do you need to go to the bathroom?' ..." ... oh yes and I met another able bodied person recently that I could tell something was cognitively altered (which actually led me to believe it's more of a birthing injury), but has a guardianship based on "a learning disability." smh. There we go again. Lives dramatically altered from smashing into a Mack truck in tender years gaining brain damage and the youngest educated one is a nut case for claiming "disabled." Well you know I'm pretty sure the cops are capable of picking up on the level of denial when they were there. Based on the history I know of cops, though, I can't be sure. ... 9/21/18 Today I Googled "guardianship stranger" and was compelled to read the huff post article to mom. As I was going to her I said it's important because you don't have a power of attorney. I wasn't done reading it and she stopped me saying "we know all that" and I said "we're all supposed to flounder???" among anything else I said and she dismissed me like you would a child. Same silence. There is a need to know about her will because we were children - injured minors! Help me! ... I found grounding in this article. It helps me realize there are many out there just like me: https://www.nextavenue.org/guardianship-u-s-protection-exploitation/ ... Had to start a new email due the last one too long. So I just learned robodick will probably be here with Claire tomorrow. I'm going to be home tomorrow and have no protection from this harassment. It occurred to me today I was left out due to screaming but his temper does the same. I'm stressed. I need to remember he thought all this time he would have control because he's a control freak. I'm allowed to say as I wish and as I just told mom I get to say all I never got to say at the surrogate's court and some place else I don't remember right now (9/23/18 I think the other thing was all the years of suppression) but repressing expression is one of the worse things u can do to someone with brain damage. I'm getting a malaise feeling about tomorrow. Medical harassment from a guest in this family. Oh I remember what I couldn't earlier about an event. Aunt Maureen called here earlier to mom to know how she is which is rare for her to call in the afternoon but is understandable because yesterday was turning into an EMERGENCY. So mom glossed over everything and I finally had to speak up and signaled to mom I didn't need her to hand me the phone - i would just say it - that the nurse said her fever could possibly be due to the new condition on her "good" leg to which mom argued and she thought she should possibly take a urine sample for a possible uti to which mom argued as well. There was also something with the aid I can't remember right now. Don't come here tomorrow loverboy. I'll be here. ... I just remembered what happened with the aid. Claire called mom and there was talk about getting a thermometer and mom came to a "no" conclusion. I objected yelling the aid's name to come and take the phone but then mom said ok as I was explaining she always does this but now it's all over so she isn't into precautionary if it happens again. ... 9/22/18 I didn't finish that last sentence. I explained to the aid "this is what mom does. It's all over and done and will never happen again" so she doesn't plan for the future. Doesn't she realize this episode happened out of the blue? And could happen again? Same lack of planning and truth with the surrogates court. Flashback to mom saying "ok. We're all done with that now" as we were driving away from the surrogate's court when I was 18. The rape of my life having little idea what just happened as it was my - I lost my thought but it's easy to find smut hanging out in family court in America. Going down the emotional roller coaster. Need to go have the coffee I just made. I already threw up for the day. ... So I guess Claire now sees I was right these past years of being gone from the house when they are here and avoiding contact - the only problem is Claire, in her level of denial, refuses to recognize brain damage and medical issues are the problem plus the lack of communication for these things. She just told mom she would be here at 1 and asked if I would be gone by then "to avoid what happened last time." Loverboy isn't a problem??? For real the REAL problems in this family. Mom said she doesn't know what time and Claire eventually said "it's your house." Then Claire did what I noticed is the problem that she's not definitive or forceful enough with mom. Since I woke up last night after 4 hours and had to do a round 2 for 4 more hours there's no saying what time I'll be out of here. It's sadness to fall to your knees that mom wasn't able to say "of course she has a medical life. What are you talking about?" which is what happened to start the whole episode last time. Medical abuse telling a medically needy and medically deprived person they don't have a medical life. We needed protection but instead were left here. ... Actually loverboy isn't the first Mighty Mouse in this family. Long ago, I'm pretty sure my father was still alive, that Claire gained an ant problem in her bedroom and she freaked out as bad as I do when there was a bat in my house. Claire's boyfriend Alan was around when my father was alive because he started an unfinished paint job on my father's '69 (or '65) Ford Falcon with my father's permission. So this was the time mom was openly abusive toward Claire in her rage toward Claire because of our accident having to do with her. There was a lot of screaming and fighting in the house even when the ant problem happened and I was outside with Alan I think (maybe raking leaves(?) or with my friend(?)) and the screaming in the house started and Alan went in to save the day thinking my mother was being abusive to Claire but it turned out to be ants. I remember Alan tickling my feet on the couch downstairs in the rec room but a tickling fit was not good for me. ... Unfuckingbelievable! Now Claire is insisting I be out of the house or they're not willing to help mom anymore. It was unbelievable Claire has such faith in 2 orthopedic doctors that have marred pasts in our medical lives. She said I caused turmoil in everyone's life when it was her husband that called the police over a non-criminal matter. Claire got mad at mom that mom needed more things and earlier in the day I told mom repeatedly to call Claire back about what she needs. Had mom listened to me it would have been while or before Claire went shopping. Finally mom told Claire to just forget it and we'll get by. To be continued because I need to teach about child brain injury. ... ok there's lots out there on child brain injury whether it's google or youtube. Unbelievable this is happening in this family during the information age while loverboy is calling himself a technology (or IT) guru. Mom had the same lack of, or the same silence and putting-off in answering Claire of telling me to leave the house. There's probably more here but I'm ending this email for now. There is blood in this house since 1971 that does not include loverboy. Staying silent is not part of my injury. I've had to accept me post-injury. Dealing with family who doesn't is hard enough and add a stranger on top of that is spirit breaking. Even more spirit breaking though is that Christine also suffers those consequences. ... Without my involvement they're all missing a key piece of information about orthepedic care because I'm the one who followed what the nurse was saying. Claire thinks she's going to back mom against the wall with an ultimatum that is probably coming from her husband? Interesting. ... 9/23/18 awake again at 2am and it's now 2:40am so me being out of here before 1pm doesn't look promising. I won't be pressured into being out of here. I have a freedom to not be stifled like my yawns had to be when my teeth were wired together from a broken jaw in the accident. ..."Never changed the beneficiaries" - I have to look up what that means. Robodick makes a joke and Claire goes off with her laughter. They arrived here about 45 minutes late. Just as Claire - forgot thought - but they're going through mail. If I feel like speaking I will and actually Claire is making a call about a rebate. It's a NJ benefit something or other. Claire announced she is making a call that picks up voice and needs ??? to not talk followed by a very sweet "ok?" Mom and robo are talking and Claire is irritated. Now robo is whispering to mom. Don't start with me buddy. Life rape with a stranger. It's a home rebate. They're filing things that have to do with the house. As far as I know Claire is the oldest so she automatically gets pick of the house when mom dies. That was something told to me by my buddy in NYS who is the same age as me (but the oldest of his siblings), drove 1/2 way across the country twice, owns a license and a vehicle, AND has a guardianship from the similar brain injury he has of me. Maybe that is a NYS law and it doesn't apply in NJ or maybe mom is lying which is nothing new. Oh the horror of talking about such things! At least he is prepared of where his life is going as a developmentally disabled former child. They're going through things from Ireland. Rape that this man is assisting in what is the rape of injured children. Rape. Claire is paying another bill over the phone. Rape that this man is going through mom's mail. Claire just had to tell mom again to be quiet. Robo just said "that's a whole lot of cash" and gloated to mom it's American. Claire is annoyed that mom wasn't quick enough in hearing and giving the last 4 of her social so she had to start all over again. She sounded as annoyed last night about me as when she's overloaded. That's a brain injury symptom undiagnosed and uncompensated for. As I've said in this blog, my elite(?) computer education calmed me down a lot with that stuff. I'm not happy hearing Claire just shredded records from a bank that existed here years ago so I may go through the shredder and put it all back together for records sake. I think I just heard Claire refer to mom about me that I don't have to file taxes and asking about shredding it. She hasn't so far. Rape as I sit here and wonder if Claire is taking the shredded stuff with her. Rape of our lives. And robodick probably thinks I'm behaving myself. Ha! The situation just didn't call for it. Last time I had things to say but not this time (yet). ... So I'm making another cup of tea for my women problems as yesterday I must have had 5 cups. Rape of our medical lives. I won't be able to keep that shredded stuff. Rape as robodick is behind me doing stuff at the table. Rape. I need to keep track of how many minutes my tea needs to steep. Rape as I see by the side of my eye robodick going through papers in front of me and Claire was by the window. Claire just had to repeat to mom - due to a hearing aid lack - what robo said about christine's puzzle. Denim stretch caprice pants and mom shredded my medical records from long ago. I just can't handle the rape. What happened here last time after I left? They did all this shredding? This stranger having all this access to personal info. Mom needed to acknowledge our medical liv- "I guess you have stocks" robo just said to mom. "Once we clear off this table how do we keep it clear?" Robo just walked by. Rape. "Nice irish pen" robo says to mom. Claire is at the window I guess because she doesn't have reading glasses and needs the light. Rape as they're opening unopened mail. Robo just went to the bathroom. Claire is reading the car insurance reinstatement I did with mom at the ICU. Rape that he's going through our mail. I now see the seriousness of me not being here and the reckless oversight that it was a simple matter of including us all in a medically needy family with legal needs. Rape. And Claire embraces the rape. "Time to do the shredding" Claire just said. Rape of our lives. "$15 bucks from wendy's" robo jokes. Claire is laughingly polite with her husband. Claire just asked mom if Chris is an organ donor for some documentation. I'm surprised I don't have to pee yet but I will at some point. Did robo leave the seat up? I have no protection from this. No protection to have our medical lives salvage whatever is left. Thrown to The Way International. I'll be using the other bathroom when I go. Rape. Rape. All our lives a slap in the face. Robo is going through mom's mail because I insist on us managing this family through the medical lens that exists. Not a day goes by when I don't think about this injustice. Now he's behind me and I feel my hair rise because the kitchen table and shredder is behind me. Claire just said "we don't have time for that" with laughter to mom as she showed her something. She sees "my dad's" name on something so it must be really old so she's having robodick shred it. Rape. Just like I wanted to keep a notebook written by my father that asked questions like "what's the one thing you feel you had no control over?" and dad's answer was "the accident" and mom threw it out -STUPID BITCH or I could be more polite in my rage. Yeah right. ... New email as I feel the rape of robodick behind me going through mom's table papers. Doesn't she feel raped? I know her and he's not all that to her. ... what a relief. The aid asking mom if she has to use the bathroom was an open door for me to say "let me go first." I came back in the kitchen and said "I left the light on." Feeling the rape behind me as he goes through papers on mom's table. He brought a plastic bag of something downstairs. Claire found another statement that's old bank and it got shredded. All our lives a slap in the face. Well at least he's not trying to put tape over my mouth. The situation doesn't call for anything to be said. Flash to his exaggeration as he was going on at me in my face giving a time period of how often I'm "screaming." This all could have been avoided with being honest in a surrogate's court long ago. Claire commented that mom is doing much better (when she got up to be aided to the bathroom). I finally said something when mom said about ginger snaps she wants. I said something like "mom there's blueberries in there. You don't want them to go to waste." She said ok that she'll have a few and I told the aid "we have a history of food in this house going to waste." Claire's impatience with mom not taking her advice just shown through and it's over a credit card in which she needs to make sure the credit limit isn't over-run. Mom is used to the aid doing something like taking her finished plate in the kitchen but "sweet" Claire yelled back to her they got it. That robo's got it. The rapist behind me at the sink. Shredding/raping of our lives all via The Way International. I've got to keep an eye on my tea steep time. Robo is silently handing Claire certain papers like a collections warning. Claire is back at the window reading. "So the check's for $20?" Claire says. I get the feeling robo doesn't want to stay silent. That points to the overwhelming unthoughtfulness that went into our lives. ... I keep sending these because I never know when my phone will die. I'm better able to keep track of mom's bills because I have a history of living here. Beneficiaries? For what? It's good for me to be here to know what's going on. Only now feeling firsthand a level of rape. So robo just handed another paper to Claire as the hair stood up on me that he reached into the bag next to me and just took another "load" downstairs. One of Claire's happy-go-lucky politeness to her husband is when coming up the stairs telling him to go first because she is slower. All our lives a slap in the face. How about some justice? All I want. I have to wonder, with robo's IT connections, if he's following me around the internet at all like give a virus to an email address and break into their email. Anyone else? He just brought another load down and now went down with keys and garage opened. Mom just called something blaggardin while looking at mail. I just burped outloud and didn't say excuse me because we are family now that robo is where ever. I just had a thought. Last time he did that the police came upstairs. Ok garage door closed and only one person came up the stairs ... oh now I smell the cigarette smoke. He went outside for a smoke while I'm left here with ptsd wondering if police are coming to take my phone away. My reaction would be "where's your search warrant" but my nueropsyche testing reveals my reading comprehension deficits under time constraints - add in the tenseness of the situation and I would be ineffective. Hairs just stood up as I listen to him moving things behind me and he reached into the recycling bag behind me. Shredding and potential raping time again. I'm drinking tea but I'm going to need Fig Newtons soon. Claire got impatient with mom about a phone call she needs to make that Claire has told her before. Robo made a joke to her it's only 1 call. Rape of our lives as robo talks to mom about filing Ireland stuff. That should be things ME AND CLAIRE ONLY should be doing but I'll guess Claire never connected the dots of how serious of a blunder she made of rejecting family in a nursing home eviction because that following Christmas she gave me gifts through mom, given to me at aunt Maureen's and sitting in the motorized wheelchair I was in - omg mom just gave an overt laugh when Claire said she had something from 1994 and now I understand these changes that happened in this house with no consultation or anything with me and robo just said finding $1000 bills would be good as rummaging through mom's stuff like silver dollars and other keepsakes - and I declined taking the gifts and the cousin who is a cop said something to the effect "oh that's no good." He's the same I've referred to in this blog that it was him that I've heard mutter to his mother "stupid" and that's back in the days I would never imagine saying such a thing. Phone is not dying but I need to pee. Mom just called Claire me by accident. Have to wonder how that went. Robo just said ... important birth certificate found in the middle of junk mail - THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I LIVE oh but I'm supposed to know better. A bill from a psychiatrist is being shredded. Gee have to wonder how that came about. Mom's staged play that I'm a problem child? Hope I don't miss anything. Robo is bringing another bag down. Claire is unlocking the bathroom door she just used and coming out. I guess as usual she put the seat down. Mom asks "are you sure you don't want something to eat?" and she says no. Claire is taking some medicaid things for Chris home with her. Omg robo doesn't see that I'm using christine's wheelchair. Saying shit he doesn't know like my wheelchair opposed to this. Robo out the garage again but closing again quicker. Back up here. Thinking back to mom's overt laugh and the level of rape in our lives. I had to speak up and ask what year of a car they were about to shred with the car and then I told her "because you negligently shredded information i needed for my extended warranty that was written on mom's checks. Fucking stupid. Nice family. Uh-huuuh." Not a peep from robodick. Good boy!!! Now you're learning! Want to smack me now? Here's your chance and we'll have a REAL reason for police to be here. It's good I didn't go to the bathroom like I was going to. Important things I might have missed. As I told Claire over text SHE needs to read this blog. Not her husband or sons. HER. I really hope they leave soon. I'd like to pee. Claire gave no response to what I said. Another indication to the name of this blog about being ignored. Does robo know Claire does this and why? I held back about "because mom is not telling you the level of care she took upon herself for me. Simply lied about it." Garage door opening and she says she's down - lost thought - oh that they've done as much as they can do. Yey! Leave so I can go about my life. It never ever had to be this way. Never never. But that's what cults do. That's what brain washing a brain injured recipient does. Claire's facial makeup is like the flooring commercial lady who says "change is good." She's also from the Finger Lakes which is significant because they go to that area for some Way events. Claire is making a happy joke just like long ago my ex noted the sorry ass attitude of robo when the kids were babies and Claire's response was a very fake niceness. Robo didn't say a word as leaving. Good boy! We will only have something to say in family court. Oh Claire opened up the door downstairs again because they're putting back the registration of mom's car. ... Fucking fiasco. Someone help me while I'm still here!... oh yes and knowing that me putting this out here because no one is listening to me, destroys the case because no lawyer wants to touch "the recklessness" of me putting all this info out here. ... 9/25/18 So we all remember how I said what stinks with IT here has a Potsdam flare? We all saw the new old best drama try to diagnose in the beginning of Chlamydia v.s. brain tumor? Wow that's a jump. Yep. And so that must be the infection I have that's not going away. The evidence is kept of the item that one specific was taken off the shelves and put back on the shelves. Only after, me getting my infections back and the new color lint I noticed in the shower. All evidence kept although I may have to do some searching for the receipt. My life after brain injury is that I carry with me that everyone learns something new. Well here's the newest thing (that Chlamydia is NOT just an STD) but it all comes down on Potsdam because that's where my clarity started coming together. Even the computer lab here has a new computer help to it that belongs to Potsdam. Enter the song "No one ... told you when to run away!" I don't run but I record observation (until I'm dead). Should I run? Where to? Anyone coming to the house needs to know they don't know what terrorists or general criminals they are giving info to. People need to be careful what they are saying. They also need to be leery of the info they are receiving. Is it fact? Robo seemed to indicate to me he is following some kind of rumor mill about me. People need to be more cautious about what they say and the info they are receiving. My guess is someone who's known me my whole life went to northern NY and found out just how apathetic certain key people are. Why was I there so long? Well I was away from the house I grew up in where nothing was changing and sure enough mom and Claire try to say I'm gone for 20 years and Cris Mirda says I'm estranged from my family. Ha! No joke. Just the thing to say when you realize someone is totally off the beaten path. Now when it comes to getting rid of this condition I'm not sure what's going to happen because I'm not going to a doctor and amoxicillin needs to be prescribed. There's natural antibiotics but I'm trying to stay away from ones that will be life prolonging. That might sound like an oxymoron but I guess some natural antibiotics are stronger than others. This all started (from what I can tell) from one young and stupid "superman" that turned out opening a can of worms. I wouldn't doubt by now they are being set up with all these other things happening but that's why you TALK to someone you've spoken to at length before - in other words you need better perception of who you can trust. I didn't do anything to them. That should be the first clue I'm probably trustworthy. I could say more about some things I noticed today but I won't bother for now. Oh and I read that Chlamydia is showing up more in seniors. Well now we all know where that is coming from. ... I forgot to mention about the flashes in my head of certain Potsdam women who would have this look and aura about them sometimes of (in silence) eyes big, hand over mouth, and the silent message of "run away." Since I was never integrated into Potsdam (at all - not a question of properly post brain damage) I don't know how to read those social cues. This is why you take care of injured children when they are children. Mom didn't want our lives cut short as much as possible and that may have been a wish of my father too. There's something else but I don't remember now. ... WOOOW! good thing I put the transcript of Brigitte Gabrielle here because now the video is deleted. One of Anne Murray's songs is not available too. Anything else? I'll put down the other thing when I remember it but that is significant that video was deleted. ...oh yes the other thing I was going to mention is the quick intense headaches I've been getting since yesterday(?) on the top right side of my head. I already know from Potsdam about spiritual manipulation like that. Is it just that? ... ok the video is back and it's from a different youtuber. It's just not the promotional one for a book I guess. It has more said at the end from Brigitte Gabrielle. ... Addendum near original on 9/16/18. ... oh yes and I heard mom's friend tell her "when the money runs out you switch to medicaid." Holy shit so this is what this turns into? smh. Mom goes on welfare and may file for bankruptcy. Jesus fucking christ. Claire seems to have a similar attitude. I don't need to pray to calm down or change my personality (brain injury already did that). Prayer needs to help put this family where it should be and where it would have been had we not been left with this uneducated immigrant in America. ... Oh yes and so I wondered if the criminal act(s) surrounding me lately are from a Russian, German, American, African, South American, etc. It's a Potsdam thing. ... oh yes and many flashbacks of Claire as they were leaving I think it was a matter of mom asking if she touched my stuff at all pointing to it near the window, opposite side of where Claire was reading. Claire gave a flimsy put-off motion as if to say "I don't even want to think about it." That's how far gone Claire is. Out of touch. ... 9/28/18 So today revealed some things that Claire seems tired and ready to pounce. She has to set up plans for Christine. Mom declared to Claire she wants Christine to go back to her shop and I couldn't hear much because I was in the bathroom at the time but when I came out I asked her "what were you saying to Claire 'No I'm not doing that' ?" And it turns out Claire was encouraging mom about a going to a nursing home which puts me out on the street with no protection for my ignored disabilities. Claire has no problem making me into a welfare rat. Claire ignored the text messages I sent her that I lived in a nursing home so I witnessed first hand the abuses in nursing homes. Little miss research could easily look up dehydration negligence in nursing homes which put mom in the ICU; the bed sore mom is healing from being sent home from the nursing home; what else? Oh and the nursing home's neglect of the medical directions mom needed to WALK. Doesn't Claire know that the nursing home neglected to take mom on needed walks? At least one time they told her they didn't have time to walk with her. I had those same directions when I was in a nursing home. The only difference is I was autonomous and could do it on my own. The home's halls were anywhere from a 1/2 to a mile long. What a fucking fiasco without my involvement. One of the most recent people to the house who takes care of people and has experience with the care like she's given mom, pointed out mom is not psychiatry material and I turned around and said something like "yeah in this house we don't do psychiatry." They pointed out the experience they had where it's really obvious at a certain age they're not thinking clearly any more. Running through my head today is that "change the beneficiaries" Claire was talking about. I'm feeling too exhausted to even look it up. Include me in this guardianship as should be and I'll have the energy I have every day. I know Claire's thinking as per The Way International too. I have the gift of choice. There is no room in Claire's acceptance of impaired decision making post brain injury. When my Ireland cousin was here I was telling her that and she looked at me like I was crazy and said "YOU don't have faulty decisions?" - paraphrase. I didn't have time to dialogue with her but the answer to that is "Thank you!" Although Claire's decision-making for her own life doesn't seem impaired, it is to a degree just like mine. Christine is too obvious but hey, corrupt people like the court appointed attorney asked Christine if she wanted me involved in her care while Christine had no idea what that entails. Our lives were never ever prepared for this carelessness. It's always possible it's been here all along and I just didn't see it. Their cleaning brought about a box of pictures through the years and I was able to show what I looked like and was able to show my Beauty and the Beast pictures. Totally see it now how I needed a father (or other family?) to escort 19 year old factory working Romeo away from the house when I needed it at 17 years old. smh. Feeling sad. This can't be happening to our lives. ... I received a call from a real estate lawyer in NJ a few minutes ago. Wrong number? I did say to mom today that Chris going back to her shop means soiled underwear and bed sheets again. Mom is pretty unresponsive. As I was going through the planning with mom she put me off. She somewhat put Claire off as well. We needed protection from this post injury of our lives. I pointed out mom's silence to it all. ... oh yes I wheeled over to the mirror to brush my hair up to pin and I don't remember how it came about but the lack of planning, I said to mom (at some point before I left) "so what's going to happen? You're going to go and I'm going to stay here? You are going to still pay the bills?" I think she started with I have to go and I said "No you have to do something. You drove me to the hospital long ago for a diagnosis and then you didn't do anything." A very sad silence from a parent left in charge of what she was not qualified for. ... As I sit here I can feel how right Claire feels she is based on her Way-centric thinking. Sorry Claire. It doesn't give the answers for all levels of brain damage. I'm glad I got stuck with the rookie cop because in his generation I'm sure he's updated. You are just naive of how corrupt family court can be for those who have REAL needs. It makes sense to me you want to shove mom in a home because you understand it to be a great thing. That's how out of touch you are with your original family. ... like the social cue reading that has me sad. One aid takes a break while another covers and so I didn't know how to read if she's mad, disappointed, just tired, etc. These things weigh on me and have always contributed to the snowball getting bigger. What would Claire say? As she's walking me through the bible and what IT says: "CONTROL your mind" and being that that's more of a teen worry she'd point out the verse "when I was a child I thought as a child. Now that I'm an adult I think as an adult." smh. ... going home early due to this painful condition / assault that was done to me. It itches, it oozes, and it's painful in other ways. Someone made a real winner out of themselves. ... Tonight was one of those nights I took off the item I had to switch to because it was coming apart and a grainy powder substance fell out. I added it to the evidence bag. It's going to start stinking too because it's used. ... 9/30/18 So today I notice a new garage or some type of structure is being built where we had our accident - the stone wall we were pushed into. Funny how the one who died was in the front seat and the ones with minimal injuries were crashed into the wall. I'll never forget what that wall looks like. I have to find it but it's in the newspaper articles about our accident. You can't erase life long disabilities by building a structure there. (Just like the Dunkin' that was suddenly no longer Dunkin' after those 2 teens(?) took my picture against my will there on his phone. I'm pretty sure the fat red head was the girl with him. No teen wants to be called fat. Well I didn't want my picture taken). The first article had me as dead. The second article corrected it. After seeing the last half of "Psycho Brother In Law" last night I got to thinking if robo is one of my internet stalkers. I don't doubt there's more and has been more for a very long time - even preceding this blog. Like I wrote about in this blog my mother making a fool out of herself at PT following her first knee replacement to the point the physical therapist walked away covering her head saying my mother's name, I wouldn't put it past my mother to be in on my home being bugged or listening in at some capacity. Exactly like the movie The Firm from 1993. It IS country-border area but anyway mom has so erroneously changed her way "bending" to the very thing she is against that something is completely off - mom is completely not into Claire's life starting with the cult. Just like I had to tell mom to ask Claire about her friends (the ones from before the cult). Asking me constantly reminds me how my life went nowhere. Mom's response wasn't definitive but what she's trying to say is that she was involved in my life in high school but not Claire's. In other news these middle eastern men around my town are a real problem. I notice the Dunkin' that got raided now has American workers in it but the other Dunkin's do not. I'm pretty sure I wrote about the one night, when I was doing overnights, all lights were on, no one would answer the drive thru and a bunch of cops were all sitting around a table. Just sitting there. Something was up. That's not even mentioning the gas stations and/or liquor stores. Remember when Miss Congeniality at the end realized the crown was the thing to watch out for? Well someone should check into these name changes. The low-grade terrorists that ruined my life went from VESID to ACCESS-VR. I think back to the friend that told me in Washington DC his friend was suddenly no longer at a position when he said he was going to blow the whistle about AIDS. Same thing happens in Potsdam that "no one by that name works here" or "no such position exists." In other news it feels like I now have permanent damage in the thumb I did band-aids and neosporin on when I should have just done apple cider vinegar as a preventative. The index finger next to it is feeling that bad. In other news I notice more people here like me. ... 10/1/18 So last night as I was leaving here I did my usual sitting down at the half way mark to my car. To my left coming toward me were a group of guys talking, joking. As my rest was over and I continued on to my right they were behind me and when I got to my car I did the look around behind me and noticed a guy coming from the unlit area to the area where I was sitting - the unlit area is where I often times take a short cut to my car. It may be nothing but that's the heightened awareness that goes off when cans of worms are opened. Can't say I didn't say anything. ... oh yes and I didn't remember my dream until I saw concert tickets on The View this morning. In my dream I was talking at length I'm pretty sure to Twila Paris and being quite frank of how much of a fan I am admitting the many things I do because I think she's great and follow her as a fan. ... 10/2/18 I'm very busy doing other stuff than have time on this blog today but still have that going through my head "you have to change the beneficiaries." What the the hell does that mean and to whom??? Today Claire called about switching to a cheaper aid option for mom. When you don't have your insurances in place you're lucky you can pay (WITH OUR FATHER'S MONEY). Traffic jam. When you're already late. A no smoooking sign on your cigarette break. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams. Already paradise by the dashboard light. hmph. And isn't it ironic? Dontcha think?... I also realized from reading things about guardianships recently that I sounded like an ass ten years ago when Cris Mirda brought up about my mother worrying I'm after Christine's money (smfh the loose cannon paranoid immigrants allowed to go loose in this country) and I replied "No I would have to answer to the court as to any money spent." That doesn't apply to NJ. Gee I'm using people's whole names out here. You wouldn't help me when I wasn't and you definitely won't now??? Nice catch-22. ... 10/3/18 So today I got waited on at Dunkin' by a very nice young middle eastern guy. The same one that was raided and the same one I enjoyed a short-lived(?) experience of American-borns waiting on me. Mom's house got a call verifying Christine so I had to call them back and give them Claire's info. I still have that echo going off in my head: "you have to change the beneficiaries." smh. All of this only because there is a desire to stick steadfastly to a lie we don't have life long injuries. Yesterday I only pee'd twice in an 8 hour period. Kidneys or bladder shutting down from the infection I was given? I'll take it! I didn't want to die in pain but it's very painful when something feels "dry and painful" in your vagina when you cough. Only one of the many details. Flashback to the woman at the psyche hospital where I was held prisoner and got no justice and Mighty Mouse last weekend indicated he's listened to some type of gossip about it, told me she hadn't pee'd in a week. At this age I understand why she seemed happy about it. Depakote was clogging her kidneys. That's the shit I was put on Mighty Mouse you dumb fuck. Still going to say I need psychiatry when you know nothing of what you are talking about? "You have to change the beneficiaries" - I wonder if they were throwing phrases around to get me to react. I didn't hear a word of all the bad weather here last night which would be expected but I guess it's also because of earphones. ... 10/4/18 Pain. ... Pain. Some blood. ... Pain. No blood. ... Pain. oozing. suppressed itching. I'm out for the day. ... 10/6/18 A medical professional came here today who I don't think will be back but things started out on a good note the commonality of back problems and then the commonality their sister is always telling their mother to get a hearing aid. I inserted "yeah but she was put in charge of my sister..." ... I just had a button pushed ... actually I'm going to start drinking early as I refuse to accept the garbage our medical lives lives were thrown away to. ... I think what set me off, well what started to set me off was mom rehashing with Claire about the fence painting when we already solved that problem. Then mom didn't realize she was being asked about dinner so I had to ask her and she, annoyed, said "someone is talking here." With that slap in the face I still carried on "my job" and eventually went off on mom about the garbage our lives were thrown away to. Mom turned on a dismissive "ok" attitude and then I lost it at her "No this is NOT ok! What's going to happen to us?" No answer. It's already obvious Mighty Mouse is wrong. In silence I'm going numb courtesy of a stupid evil bitch named Deanne M Wilson. After that round of same-shit-different-day the aid said " just calm down ok?" My answer was "I'm trying. " Anyway getting back to the good part of the day I made it known she's in charge of an incompetent. When they were finished with mom they asked what happened to my back and that's when I explained it all that the accident I previous spoke of earlier gave me an ER doctor who left a bent tibia in my leg and 35 years later (which was incorrect time period - it was more like 25 years later) I got the osteotomy done and mom doesn't get it. She still goes to the same doctor all these years later instead of a medmal. The words medmal were already mentioned when they explained to mom what would constitute medmal if they did something. In response to me they said "it's too late" and that I had "2.5 years." Thank you! I said "and my brother-in-law says I'M the problem. They indicated they are aware of THOSE in-law problems. And I was like "mighty mouse." They then sang the theme to mighty mouse and I was like "you remember the cartoon!" It was just an all around pleasant and productive visit for me but I don't think they're coming back because mom didn't like the lack of pain prevention. I went off on mom again after half of round 1 as I was finishing my dinner and then I turned the tv up from 22 to 42 to fill in the sound of silence /apathy and told her this must be why Claire played her stereo so loud in high school. Actually I think Claire was drowning out the sounds upstairs of siblings she couldn't accept anymore plus a mother she remembers before and after the accident. Before doing that I told the aid this is the type of stuff (trampoline in the sports channel) my sister in the accident that died would be doing for cheerleading. When I said died the aid immediately looked at mom. No she never went for grief counseling. Only left us in the mess she can't see. ... 10/7/18 What set me off today (10/7/18) was mom's silence about "So mom you don't feel the Way International is a cult anymore?" I was truly trying to get to the bottom of what happened and how this changed. I know me not talking to Claire was the start of mom turning me off. Her silence turned into denial saying she doesn't know what it is. ...10/8/18 Don't believe what's been on the news of the bad things with toilet paper or other. It's a cover-up to what my Potsdam internet stalker who had privilege to a private conversation of mine used a non-sexual, sexual assault took place. My pain is feeling better at the moment. Not totally better by any means. ... pain. It's easy to not be in pain being home caring for this condition. All because of a can of worms I was not protected from. Flashback to the absolute careless and recklessness of Mighty Mouse when actually their Soul/Spirit connection with The Way International has no place inside the rehabilitative medical lives he married into. ... So much for my recent dare to F*ckbook. Now Google+ is shutting down so I'm going to have to move elsewhere. Have to wonder if this has to do with Mighty Mouse and the corrupt grip hold of certain "religious freedoms" in this country. Traffic jam. When you're already late. A no smoooking sign, on your cigarette break. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of your dreams, already Paradise By the Dashboard Light. And isn't it ironic. Oh yes and that reminds me of what I found out these past couple days. It seems my ex's wife served in the military. It was that fucking easy to save this life. I told him that in high school may be no girls would accept him but that will change. Sure enough he found out I'm right. He always told me there's only two kinds of females in the military: sluts or dykes. Which one did he tell his wife she was. I already know the label he slapped on his niece: The slut. You know I lost my life the whole time he could have had someone he had something in common with. Well anyway, Princeton Theological Seminary is part of the corrupt stronghold if there's any tie-in. Actually I want to keep calm and keep in mind the power of a medicine person's interception to the Creator for any way anything is supposed to be. Easier said than done. ... 10/9/18 Oh yes and as I sit here doing a transcript about citizenry involvement for protest (of nuclear power) I remember back to life this past Sunday. I don't know what makes up me. I went to bring home dinner and sitting in my car in the parking lot I saw 2 people exit the restaurant and go to their car. The man pulled out his keys oblivious to a piece of paper falling out of his pocket. I waited to see if he would notice and finally when his companion indicated a change in presence I opened my door to tell her and him he did look down and get whatever it was and a "thank you" exchange. Kind of like Forrest Gump at the White House? The utter harassment of my life all because an immigrant running around loose in this country instead of taking care of medical needs. Then I went back inside to use the bathroom before I got the food and a woman holding a baby was verbal about there being no baby changing table. Suddenly I remembered back to when I ate there in person and I remember that they have a relatively unknown, unobvious handicapped(?) bathroom and I let her know about it saying I'm not sure if they'd have a baby-changing station but it was worth a try. She thought I was giving her directions of where to go in the bathroom but I then clarified to go back to the dining area and ask as I tried to show her pointing it's around a few turns. When I went out after her it didn't look like she asked anyone (yet) but she may have. A day in the life. ... 10/10/18 So something that manages the pain when I pee is wiping away the white discharge first. smh. All as a result of something being done of the exact product I use(d) being taken off and put back on the Stop and Shop shelves. I'm guessing my internet stalker who witnessed a private online message I sent to someone thought I'd be so embarrassed I wouldn't let the world know. That's not me. ... 10/11/18 Flashes of the court taking only a neurologist's report in a team of doctors for brain injury when it comes to Christine's "plateau" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOWTXwM0tik ... Mighty Mouse needs to shape up or ship out (I'm fine with shipping out) and Claire needs to be deprogrammed from the fact that The Way International sufficiently accounts for brain injury whether obvious or unobvious. I will not have this. I absolutely will not. Today's cleaning of the white discharge didn't totally take care of the pain but blood appeared at one point. It's not menstrual blood. I've had a lot of blood these days from all outlets. ... 10/12/18 Should I talk about me first or mom or the all-salt no-fault insurance? Mom is getting better and stronger fast BECAUSE there is another person around the house. It was that easy to save these lives! Now here's something for Mighty Mouse to take notes on. The place where most blood is happening these days is the same area affected by my first chemical assault done on me by the psychiatric industry. A chemical called Lithium that did NOTHING for me and when I called up the sad-ass psychiatrist to tell him "I'm not doing this anymore" his response was a sad ass "It's up to you if you want to get better or not." Mighty you're a mouse. You can be an experiment but I am a human and was assaulted because I have human level understanding. I think of what I recently heard I think on Nuclear Hot Seat about the half-life of these chemicals. Lithium has a half-life. Oh and Mighty Mouse you should know that in NY only MD's are mainly considered in courts. That's why NYS is so sad. NEUROpsychologists are PhDs and at least from the research I did, NJ courts allow testimony from PhDs with the same weight of influence as MDs. So the all-salt no-fault insurance mysteriously has a different case manager that I'm not talking to. The fact that Claire spoke with him is even more unsettling. Mighty Mouse should know that this insurance paid for all misdiagnoses and proper diagnoses. They just keep paying. Guess what that does? Leaves victims like me with nothing to go after. Are we waking up yet to the magnitude of things we got ourselves into? Today I had flashbacks to what Claire sounded like when the cop came back to get all our names and dates of birth. Claire seemed to put on a child-like tone of voice as she started to speak. Is she serious? Does she think he took her serious? She was probably having flashbacks to when our cousin who wanted to get together for a holiday this past year (but it was canceled) wouldn't give her name to police. That cousin grew up in the city and got involved in a crowd with street smarts. The case manager said if there is no meeting I could lose benefits. I don't care what your threats are I am NOT meeting with you. I do not care. This is the recklessness of all involved. He said he wants to help me. Well Blondie said same. When I met with her at an appointment I opened my leather case to reveal the unorganized mess inside. Her response to me saying "see this is how I just get by" - paraphrase - her response was "Oh you're fine!" When I explained this to the nurse in NYS who got a wake up call about services when she needed help after a brain injury, she was like "Ewwww!" The case manager is a nurse but they are all for saving money for the insurance. He can't win over my emotions by saying he's trying to help me. We are just going to be even more completely screwed if Claire and Mighty Mouse feel like they're getting good advice from insurance nurses, case managers, etc. I must look up that Lithium half-life and see what it means. ... 10/13/18

So my stalker could be some chick from Bergen county who wrote Legally Blond. No joke. Just life rape. Reese Witherspoon is now seen on a magazine cover with a cup of tea. Die bitch. Die. Is my mother responsible for this??? I mean the casting person my mother never took me to in NJ citing Christine is in Bergen County. The commercial course I took was in Bergen County. You're as guilty of stalking and harassment as all the others. I just can't go to police without a lawyer to protect my brain injury which has been the inspiration for a lot. Sit silently by and do nothing but advance yourself. Happy now that news article was written about you that you worked at McDonald's before making it big writing Legally Blond? Like to also take the cake for the non-sex sexual assault? You're in my email too? No joke. ... 10/14/18 Pain and blood. Major pain and blood in an area that only started after Lithium over 20 years ago. ... 10/15/18 More online obnoxiousness. All of a sudden I'm told that if I don't call a 1-877 number because Microsoft detected a virus they would be forced to shut down my computer. Now I regret I didn't take down the number before restarting the computer. I was stopped from doing anything. What a bunch of crap! I'm thinking back to 8/31/18 and the "manager" from Beverly Hills supposedly. In this country from the middle east with an American name. Get this shit out of this country!!!!! I'm still here. Guess you couldn't shut down my computer. ... pain pain pain ... sometimes it's physical pain that makes you go home early. ... 10/18/18 With mom getting stronger her goings on have come back and the aid is able to see what we were left in. I notice mom more liberally saying she is talking to herself. Spirit entered something into my mind making sure I don't forget. I'm very tired today and hearing the song yesterday about the PhD and king size bed is harassment trying to cover up corruption. ... 10/19/18 I just lost everything I wrote due to my failure to give in to the cell phone money making merry-go-round that takes away our autonomy and thrown to the McDonalds of computer care via cell phone stores. Someone should go find out in potsdam what's up with that. Anyway I woke up out of a dream involving reese witherspoon and the vaginal discharge that could render me sterile regardless if it's too late for kids. I'm not going to a doctor. A criminal investigation needs to be opened for the assault upon my person by the removal and replacement of the only specific item I used from the Stop & Shop shelves in July. This type of thing with security plastics going on items all started in the 80s with Tylenol. Young & stupid has little idea of the can of worms opened and I'm no better at that knowledge. I'm not going to a doctor. Some pain was reduced with yogurt and some pain and swelling is relentless. Oh what now? Don't buy yogurt for fear of what it's tainted with? Riiiiiggghhtt. Anyway Claire seems ready to pounce telling mom how happy christine is at the nursing home via the social worker. In my blowout with mom last night she denied the insurance has to pay for Claire's home modidication for christine. That is not what Claire declared at the surrogate's court ten years ago. Claire doesn't know to call the adjuster on that one? The fucking sweet sounding stupidity my sister's life was left in. And there goes judge deanne m wilson pinned hanging on a wall with a sword in the stomach. I would have said heart but I'm too handicapped these days for strength through a rib cage. There was more but I don't remember right now. I'm in a comfortably numb time of day as evil just keeps doing its thing in an attempt to send me down a rabbit hole. ...Oh yes the most important. Chris doesn't know what happiness is because she is kept in the dark and away from modern brain injury rehabilitative methods. Just like the children with polio-like symptoms recovering just fine. In the context of your oldest sister's family, expletive expletive expletive aunt Maureen. Your oldest turned out to be an engineer for the government and not Ted Bundy. You've been wrong before and you're wrong again regarding any freaks related to you in a foreign land of the great America. ... I keep waking up. Woke up while mom was watching the 11 news. Then woke at 12:30 am to have round 2. Then I woke up again at 5:30 am. 2 wks before fumes entered my home similar started happening. Cuomo cited lack of enforcement in the deadly Scoharie crash; well that's all over his state especially by the ones complaining all money goes to NYC but to his face have no complaints. ... 10/21/18 Mighty mouse and airhead supposed to come today. Kept waking up again last night and I think it's the vaginal discharge going off every 4(?) hours waking me. Woke up late today because of this assault that needs a criminal investigation. Cyanide in Tylenol supposedly started helping out the plastics/oil industry by safety caps and plastics on things. Everything from food to feminine hygiene but not all senior products and that's why there's an increase in chlymidia among seniors. Internal pain lessened. Outer pain relentless and swelling from what I can tell. ... haha I just remembered at least 1st dream last night. Josh Groban was staying over like the aid and I think he was gone for a day and I was happy to see him and said I missed him and we started french kissing but I don't think there were any fireworks and he went in and changed his shirt and his new shirt was black with a yellow (?) framed pic of a couple with silver hair in their 60s(?). ... they never came today and it's too late at 4:20pm. ... Ha! Claire said I've got to go when they're here tomorrow. Ha! I'll be here. I'll be doing as I always do in the kitchen saying all these people are not or on my phone and it's up to Mighty Mouse if he's going to start something and ultimately derail his own train by calling the cops. Now that mom is more verbal even the aid has to tell her "Stop that. It's no good for you!" And mom says "I can't help it. I need to talk to myself!" Mom then was yelling at me to not be next to her as I was rolling in the kitchen and Claire must have asked what was up and mom said people are here listening in on her conversations and Claire says "BYE!" ... so here I am waking after so many hours. It's 3am and the difference tonight is I'm doing a round 2. My left hip is absolutely killing me and I'll probably throw up today. Will I take advil for the pain? Blowing nose for the ever present allergies that never existed before living in govt housing let alone the mild bulging disc from a fall in the laundry room that saw no justice but I'm by far the only victim of them. Oh the lives that died when my father died. Only to cling to garbage for survival. Garbage relative to where our lives should be. We'll see how tomorrow goes when they're here. Claire saying I have to go. Ha! Give her sad-ass husband a swift kick. But she has been programmed as a proverbs wife and her leader Wierewille is beloved by the insurance industry. Sure enough threw up at 10:35 and I realize why my hip is killing me - when I woke up my lower back on that side was in a lot of pain. It's left over from my drive the other day. This email is getting difficult so I may need to start a new one when they're here although I probably won't be on my phone when they're here. There are things that need to be said like what true happiness is for christine. As the baby of the family I insist we communicate whether Claire will control with silence or not. ... 10/21-2/18 I have 911 set on my phone in case I need to press send. Scared of my brother-in-law. Scared. They're supposedly on their way but it's very late. Claire's tone of voice last night was not what ... well they're here and it doesn't seem for long. I opened the conversation and was ignored. What happened to I "have to go?" As they were coming up the stairs I was saying that he is not blood and sister blood things need to be said. They're gone not saying a word. This is the mess highlighted by Mighty Mouse McGee. I was so scared because I'm trying to re-acclimate myself to people's non-cop-happy-calling like in McGee's territory. Mighty Mouse this time didn't say a word. He must know his place. Claire is completely gone. I made it very clear their understanding of soul/spirit has no place inside of brain damage rehabilitation. If mighty mouse has any balls he'd relent and do the right thing. He knows he's not blood. I don't know what to do with my day now. It's kind of late after 3pm and the two Advil hasn't fixed my hip pain. I told them they need to go to Morristown and fix the mess they made. It was a mistake. I even said mom's not good at admitting mistakes - like mother like daughter - go fix it and stop shortchanging christine's life. Christine's true happiness is getting better and not living in a nursing home. She may be happy being in a place like she is (been there done that) but her happiness includes being taken to "get better." I told Claire ... forgot thought but going to lie down due to hip pain. ... awake for 2nd time at 1:30am and doing round2. I think when I said to Claire her silence is one way to be a control freak it stopped her for a second (if she heard) because it would dumbfound her how that could apply to her. I never got to mention it's equivalent of emotional abuse through invalidation which is all I've known from this sweet sounding immigrant. Inappropriate tough love while not letting go of apron strings well into adulthood - such confusion. After reminding mom of the years she used to say to me to come home to my sister but the surrogate court was never mentioned I asked mom today how she went back to the surrogate's court and she couldn't say when (but of course!), only that "other people" were doing that. Smh. The uneducated - oh wait that's how today's monologue was started. I think it was mom who said something basic of what she didn't know to which my out loud response was "that's the care we were left in." I let Claire know the; lost thought. But I'm pretty sure at one point I said "So today I will be talking out loud about things that need to be addressed ... I really don't remember all now but I guess it will come back to me. ... oh yes so after they went downstairs mom said something that was the usual harassment of my person and I again repeated what I have many times that "And you have 5 or 6 sisters to help you make sense out of life! What do I have MA?!" I had heard the garage door open but didn't hear it close so I asked the aid if she could check to see if they're out otherwise they're downstairs listening in. Then I heard the garage door close. The very person who refused to take me in upon eviction from a nursing home saying I could go to mom's house is only now that keen to get me for senior abuse of that very same person in that very same house. Even when Mighty Mouse was in my face screaming like I've seen him with his kids growing up or just in general with Claire all those years, he was like 'and what's this senior abuse?' smdh. Get a clue what you're talking about before you think you have something to stand on. ... dryness and pain and uncomfortableness. pain. ... 10/23/18 Pain. Bleeding. Criminal investigation. Latest evidence is the same grainy powder substance that fell out (again). I should call the company and ask if this substance is supposed to be there. Makes no sense of the original assault in July. ... PAIN, tightness, pain. ... pain, pee'ing less which means vaginal discharge clogging I guess. ... 10/24/18 Pain dryness pinching. No blood today. I was wrong about that July date assault. It was the week of 8/27/18 when the lint started showing up in the shower so that means the assault was possibly the week before. ... PAIN. Burning. ... shooting pains down and out. Burning pains. ... 10/25/18 So the birdbrain race is on. Claire popped the question to Christine today if she would rather stay there or go to mom's. Her answer was to stay there. Didn't she know that was the deal with me 14 years ago but because I had no protection and the doctors couldn't keep me in the nursing home anymore I got evicted with mom saying she'd take me in? Mom helped the nursing home and herself. Not me. As long as the nursing home knows you have a place to go, that's all they care about. But of course Claire is also learning that Christine can't stay where she is because if Medicaid is going to cover her life, they are not a medicaid participant. All stuff I've been dealing with for over 20 years. Today started out with not even a half cup of coffee in me and mom starts the going on of the wheelchair I can't use anymore. I said "Why she's coming home?" and mom explained that her own chair where she is wasn't fixed so they have to bring her the Mr. Rogers wheelchair. She blows off the time Claire might be here but I had to make her call and ask because I depend on a chair when in the shower. So she calls her and Claire will be there in ten minutes. I have to hurry barefoot with the wheelchair to the elevator and take my own out of my trunk. Well the weather cancelled my weekend plans so I won't need to lift it in and out like I was dreading to do. So I had no other idea where the other parts were to the Mr. Rogers wheelchair and left it downstairs while I took mine up the elevator. Mighty Mouse didn't even come upstairs. My monologue today had to deal with "the shit our lifetime disabilities were left to." It partially turned into a dialogue when the aid said "stop that. That's your sister" and I said "Yeah some big sister Claire is - denying the lifetime medical issues we have to deal with..." Claire disregards me because based on The Way International, I have the concept of choice. My brain injury doesn't involve impaired decision-making. Neither does Claire's. According to Claire I don't need protection regarding my brain injury. At some point the aid asked about my methods for these infections I have. I told her the original infection is taken care of and that I don't know what I have but it's very painful. She asked if what I do know is taking care of it and I said I didn't know - that it's a guess and I'll find out. They need to take care of this situation and our lives the way they need to and I'll go to a doctor or maybe this will kill me. I explained that my cracked tooth must have calcified otherwise the infection goes to my brain and kills me. Go take care of this and I'll go to a dentist. Actually with the aid being from Africa, I have to wonder if she already knows about the dental situation because I'm pretty sure on that continent there has been a history of those tragedies. You are 100% wrong Claire. I'm just waiting for people to see past the non-jersey-girl way of my being. In other words I'm not seen as being normal for all that I turned into at least according to NJ. Many places in NY would accept me as I am. In other words, I'm not dainty enough for the rich Jersey ways - flashback to the inappropriate psychologist who was way more concerned about what I look like with my weight more than anything else. That reminds me that soon after they left, police patrol drove by the house. I'm not sure if it's related but I could picture understanding the social norms of where she grew up and being able to act accordingly. Not me. From the first 5 minutes of my conversation with a brain injury counselor, I am 100% in touch with my brain damage lifetime injuries - that includes social problems that mom only ever had an embarrassment about. Mom also only ever talked about going back to the city disconnecting what that was doing to her children stuck in the place we grew up - no peace. Flashback to the aunt that died who identified me as NOT the dead child 19 years later at the wake of my uncle by marriage saying "She's still talking about going back to the city!" All of these very important issues no one will communicate about. Flashback to the cutting off of communication as I was trying to get Claire to understand the importance of me being evicted from the nursing home and one of Claire's kids picked up the phone and told me to stop calling there. The real problem is Claire being disconnected from her original family so that they have no place inside the lives she created as per The Way International. Realization of her mistake is likely going to fall on Claire like a ton of bricks all at once. She could have been looking into this for years by her younger communicative sister - me. ... intermittent PAIN! ... 10/28/18 Before I forget my internet stalker patterns may be linked. My specific item was taken off and put back on the shelves of this condition I still have, My post was taken away and put back up in my community 19h later the other day, I did notice at Stop & Shop yesterday, the potential tainted yogurt was no longer separated from the other yogurts. ... 10/29/18 I'm awake after 3 hrs sleep and mom having the tv on could have something to do with it. Before I got up to pee with soreness I had a dream that had to do with a vagina within a vagina within a vagina. One within the next. It actually was like genitalia within genitalia 3 times - the external organs. Had thought my ex could be my stalker/assaulter. I heard his first name anounced over the stop & shop speaker about a year ago in the daytime hours but lots of people have the same first name. It would be just like him too being he was a practicing military Scout wannabe. So we have 1. My specific item only taken off the shelves and put back followed by an infection / disease(?) that won't go away 2. A community post withheld for 19 hours and 3. Yogurt I only specifically buy (BOUGHT) moved away from its' other products to where I've been known to buy another yogurt. The other night one of the shelvers told me they're there all night long which surprised me. I thought they're only there for a few hours after closing. My stalker could be or could be in on this from my family that has been in the military but could only go so far due to lack of 20/20 eyesight. They are trained about bioterrorism. I remember my ex telling me about how in vietnam the vietnamese women would wear something in their vagina and have sex with male american soldiers cutting the penis of the american soldier. My family actually being in the full time military I'm sure has had access to way more classified info than my ex. All these prices paid that come down on me the entire time the root of the problem was not having a father or other family to escort Romeo off the property when I was 17. Like I've noted before, the special needs from a mom drinking alcohol during pregnancy that dated my buddy for years (while I fully understand what drove her to claim assault) had a father and a brother around after years to send him packing when she could finally verbalize "I don't want this!" I found out my ex's mother died the week she died from the family friend who sold the house. It doesn't sound like it was kept in the family. A couple weeks ago I was attempting to take a short cut to mom's and I wound up across the street from his house. You can't see it anymore. There's a garage in front of it. I have soreness, discharge, swelling, itching. The odor isn't bad at all. I wonder if my nephew got in touch with my ex as an adult. They both couldn't fly because of their eyes and my nephews were big fans of my ex as babies. My ex is naturally good with kids. I was the rich bitch he thought he got. Instead I'm stuck in the medical mess he left behind. I would have been in a bigger medical fiasco had I had kids with him. Something that made as much intuitive sense as Claire's soul/spirit inappropriateness of rehabilitative brain damage. I guess I'm just babbling as I wait to get back to sleep. The assault is not as painful when I'm numb. After hearing the rare last name of my surrogate reconsideration lawyer on the tv recently I'm reminded of a few things which I'll get back to. The parents of the special needs I referred to earlier were ill informed about damage a little alcohol can do to a fetus. Claire drank when pregnant and nursing with her first born. Her birthing center encouraged it. Her first born wound up very smart. Signing out for now while my world is raped by the shit we were left in. ... Have a rash that appeared on my hand of white dots just in the past couple hours. Every winter I suffer dried cracked lips and have used Burts Bees balm for help. This year as soon as it turned cold, I could have what is a cold sore on the side of my lip. The same area that cracks showing you're B vitamin deficient. Something I discovered the other day: https://www.orangeobserver.com/article/winter-park-resident-charlene-edge-escaped-a-fundamentalist-cult. The first thing that came to mind is the fact that lawyer Tina Willis has an office in Winter Garden, Fla. This article gave insight into the sect. "That following year, 19-year-old Edge was swept up in The Way Corps. She trained at the groups’s headquarters in New Knoxville, Ohio.
In 1973, Edge fell in love with a man from The Way and got married. The couple was sent off to Los Angeles to recruit more followers. Edge and her husband continued to move up the ranks within The Way’s reach in California.
It was at that point that their marriage started to suffer, Edge said, and the couple separated but were forced get back together by The Way’s leadership. ..." dry, painful, soreness. I coughed before after blowing my nose and it felt like something blew up in my vagina. Very painful. ... 11/1/18 An old man turned 98; he won the lottery and died the next day. It's a black fly in your Chardonay; it's a death row pardon two minutes too late. And isn't it ironic? Dontcha think? ... Soreness and pain. A Potsdam terrorist at Stop & Shop? ... dry stinging with blood, itchiness with discharge, both front and back. How about an arrest of the Stop & Shop deshelver-reshelver of my size and the shelf rearranger??? ... Could my stalker/assaulter be a moderator in my community? ... 11/3/18 This is to the guy driving the green Rover that was initially behind me and felt the need to blow at me because I couldn't move forward immediately after having to slam on my breaks because of the car 5 cars in front of us who decided to turn left through two lanes of traffic. With the sudden stop I had to do, something flew forward in my car and threw it into neutral unbenounced to me. Nothing personal of how long I kept my hand on the horn as you drove by but you picked the wrong day to do what you did. And when I was behind you at the light I was not giving you the finger. I was making the sign language for "N" meaning neutral. I still have to look up if I was doing it right. So this is not where I was planning on beginning being that the aid wanted to know how I went from zero to ballistic when I saw mom's donation prepared for the mail. I took it so mom wasted a check and a stamp. That's why you plan for children's future and don't stay living in denial that brain damage is a reality. She tried every way out. I said she can't say what dad would say because he wasn't around in the 90s for the brain injury knowledge that came to light. She tried "Well what did you do?" I WAS OUT LEARNING WHAT THE PROBLEM IS. DOES SHE REMEMBER MEETING THE BRAIN INJURY COUNSELOR WHO NEVER LOST A COURT CASE - ONLY ONE ON A TECHNICALITY AND NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. Does she remember me telling her to do for Christine??? More to come. The aid had to pull me away from mom which I stayed away but couldn't keep quiet. She still calls all the money her money and yes just like Eminem just rapped "I just lost it." It took a while but I was able to verbalize if he was alive it wouldn't be her money. By default her immigrant ass got here, married the guy who seemed most promising for making lots of money, and then after he's dead disregards her children's disabilities and says it's her money??? All she did was cash in the chips a - oh wait ok back up. My mother earlier said how she would rather bring in her helper to do some stuff that she felt the aid wasn't being up to par about. I told the aid this is how she treats anyone she lives with. If you don't live here you're treated as a king or queen. So that's how the heat started building in today's volcano. The giggle in me is starting to come out as I see how it all happened/built up. Before the helper/aid incident I remember I was in the kitchen hearing the TV say how brain surgery(?) changed the personality of someone. I yelled out "Thank you!" just like when the cops found "in my favor" that there's nothing here for them to do. That's when mom started paying attention and frustration built that I had to repeat myself to a near deaf person who needs a hearing aid as she was put in charge of an incompetent. I was totally amazed how uninvolved mom is. The aid asked me to just leave it and I tried but there are a multitude of things going on here the aid can't fix. Out of rage I yelled that mom is full of it. Doesn't matter about her blood pressure or her heart. She has better bone density than her doctor who is less than half mom's age. That's because of the very healthy non-American diet that created the growing body of mom before the age of sixteen. I'm just enraged. More to come. We need protection from this woman. I told her I know what she did. She cashed in the chips and is giving all of dad's money away to charity while she doesn't acknowledge the injuries of her children. Me ballistic? That's brain damage reactionary which I am completely allowed to be. This needed to be taken care of years ago and not Claire completely brain washed how brain damage is important in her own life because her lack of acknowledging the life needs of her sisters. Mighty Mouse can take a hike. More to come. ... I left telling mom "YOU ARE THE PARENT!" No response. But of course! Earlier she said I should go back to Ireland because they would kick my ass. I understand that's what she believes based on all the filling in on the blanks I had to do when my Ireland cousin was here. She said at one point it's none of my business what her plans are. That is off the table when it comes to lack of planning for the medically needy children she was put in charge of. ... I think this is the time I was the clearest about our rights to a father. Can't believe the pomposity of this immigrant who came to this country and was only interested in a man with money. And this shit happens. This will not be ending this way. ... right and with all the shit we were left in I'm left in soreness and pain from a Stop & Shop shelver. Not ending this way. ... the price I've paid for not having these personal issues taken care of so I made myself publicly known and pay a price of giving the impression I need anger management. Yep. ... No canker sore but the rest of the situation same. Noticed someone I didn't know talking to me laid back. Why? A corrupt individual is saying things about me to continue the candy-coated rape? No joke about these shelvers and you have to remember there is more than just one store. ... 11/4/18 Pain. How about an arrest? How about the full extent of the law? So last night I said not a peep when I got home except for during 1/2 of round 1 I reminded mom of all she is intending to get away with. I just had a sudden flash of that book Flowers in the Attic. I knew the aid would be dealing with subject matter above her head if she spoke with her about it and sure enough the aid only commented "You have to give her back that mail" and later on I was able to piece together that I have every right to protect myself from being alienated from my parent I lost at twelve years of age AND I have a right to be disabled post car accident. They never filed for SSDI for me as a child? Then suffer the consequences or open up your mouth and COMMUNICATE your intentions and plans. So anyway today same outside of mom wanting to know if her car key was in the usual place and I didn't answer. Finally the aid participated in the conversation and got to see how mom rehashes things like the fact that "as everybody says 'why are you not driving?'" and I could hear the frustration of the aid going through it all again when I was the one who said "Because they're not here to see what is going on. You're talking to them over the phone and they have no idea how bad the situation is." I ended the harassment by offering to go get her the lunch she wants but when I come back not getting out of the car. That's how it worked. I reminded her how there were days I couldn't drive and had to take the bus. She said that was different and that's right. Not only was I recovering from surgery but I wasn't dealing with NJ doctors. The fact she had 3 accidents in a year I feel had more to do with her eyesight than her leg muscles. Non were her fault but again if she sees and reacts up to par, she could have avoided some of those accidents. Of course she played it all off as nothing. ... 11/5/18 PAIN, itching, discharge, sore. I didn't sign up for this. Needing justice in this sad world we live in. ... assault. This is a lot to deal with! Arrest the guilty party! ... someone needs to pay the fucking price for the amount of pain I'm in. I was not meant to be a fucking doormat in life. ... 11/8/18 Unfuckingbelievable. I was in the middle of saying to Aunt Theresa that I made it very clear to my Ireland cousin this American situation has very little to do with them over the ocean. That we had a father born in America with an American educated family and Aunt Theresa was no longer there. I know she hung up because I then texted her after leaving her a voice mail and there is no response. Before that I called Aunt Maureen in a plea for her to talk to mom about driving. Yesterday mom ignored all recommendations by the doctor and physical therapist and her problem is drifting onto the shoulder. As we were passing the elementary school I had to be verbal about how close the mail truck on the side of the road was getting to me. Both of them didn't know about the 3 accidents in a year - 2 of them involved the shoulder of the road and one of them preventable with better eyesight. Aunt Maureen listened but said but she will not get involved even after I said one of the accidents happened - actually 2 happened with Christine in the car on her side. Even after Aunt Maureen admitted mom has hardly any sight in one of her eyes. Aunt Theresa said Aunt Chrissy won't get involved either and Aunt Theresa was fair in asking the questions she did but unfair in the unknowing of what is available for Christine these days. She insisted I should be taking care of mom and I insisted that would be the case after going back to court and taking care of ALL children. She said she understands how mom feels when she wants to go out. No comment on the danger. She didn't want to believe me or Claire have a brain injury. She initially said to me that if I have a brain injury I wouldn't be able to care for Christine and I said Claire has a brain injury but it's just undiagnosed. No comprehension of taking responsibility for a brain injury with compensatory strategies. I actually just texted her that I'm talking about her on my blog. She tried comparing Christine to someone in Ireland with the same injury. I just can't take these drugs involved in our lives. Aunt Theresa said I will be involved when the time comes. I was like "the time is here now!" The time has BEEN here! Jesus fucking Christ! I was going to start off today with the amount of pain I'm in by whatever terror was directed by someone in mid August of 2018 shelving, deshelving, and shelf rearranging Not only am I in so much pain but now I have the insight that Four Lokos will be tainted because they're suddenly out of stock. Noted. I wound up getting some from the liquor store with the two middle eastern men that laughed at me. The young middle eastern guy at the other store I have a rapport with but the two young ones that cover for him don't do eye contact. hmmm. A toss up between their religion differences regarding women and "What are you up to?" This morning I threw up the four loko the laughing ones sold me. That's unusual because it usually takes me brushing my teeth for me to throw up. Today the aid went to the eye doctor with mom and I'm curious to find out how that turned out but I won't find out until tomorrow. Oh and this thing about "it's ok to be white" I don't see as racist. Just as there is generational trauma there is also generational guilt. Let's return to my black Harlem NYC friend who grew up summers at a camp(?) owned by Archie Bunker and who got a raw deal from harassers of his sister. Remember when I said to him "My Occupy is mad at me calling me racist because I said 'When will a white person be able to complain about a black person without receiving backlash?'" His response was "You can't say that because you're white. I can say that because I'm black." Exactly my point! Some Native Americans are very outspoken about white guilt. I see no problem with flyers going up saying "It's ok to be white." I don't see it as Ku Klux Klan material or anything else. So I again ask a similar question: What generation will it finally be ok that we all can talk about race in the same comfortable way I can talk to Africans? I hear the word diaspora, well then let's deal with that. It really is ok to be white. My two cents for now. For example, on 11/18/18 there is a black person here not using headphones and it's really annoying and if I were in school I'd have to say something because they would be violating my disability needs. No one is asking this black person to put headphones on because the blacks here don't care (I guess) and the whites are too scared to ask. Due to the past, we must suffer in silence in the presence. ... oh yes and I was in the middle of telling Aunt Theresa that no one's here to see what's happening and mom is not telling anyone when there was a sudden drop to the line. VERY IMPORTANT information that was hung up on. The aid sees it very clearly. ... Oh yes and part of my conversation with Aunt Theresa when she so annoyingly said that Chris is happy where she is, I said I know and that I've been in those shoes. She is not annoying. It is me with no patience of how this doing things backwards and improper is going to go down in history like this if change doesn't happen now. I said I know what it's like to (I didn't even get into "a structured environment") be where there's lots of things to do and be out of mom's stressful environment. I explained that while she is there she has a right to take advantage of modern brain injury things which I would have to drive her to but this needs to go back to court for me to do so. Like I said the aid now sees how no one mom is talking to on the phone is witnessing how bad the situation is and that's why I need to be involved. STRESS! ... 11/9/18 Today will be short-lived after all. A tribe event I can get to is one I will. I need the healing. Or at least hope thereof. I've seen it happen before. Today EMERGENCY texts were sent including to Mighty Mouse over mom's driving. Mom wouldn't let the aid into the Dr's appt yesterday so the aid didn't get to ask about the driving. Mom wants her key for tomorrow but I have it and mom has the money to have a new one made. She only wants to go local but too bad. The mail truck getting closer and closer to me was very local. So I'll deal with her stress after the tribe event. The aid said the way my mother did that was smart. She's right. Mom has all her faculties for the most part. She new how to lie to get her way in court. She knows how to manipulate. This morning she's talking like any other day and I finally had to tell her "I don't want to talk to you. You find being a power freak more important than the lives" (paraphrase). I remembered on my way here more of my conversation with Theresa. She pulled a Claire of "but you live there rent free" to which my response was "I never should have left this house. I needed protection at 17" and then the conversation turned into that the reason I went out into the world was to follow those directions of going to college and I let her know Claire dropped out of college and before she went across the country with her cult my mother was crying into the phone that my father was turning over in his grave that Claire never finished college. I'm pretty sure that was the same conversation mom was crying into the phone to Claire "Why are you doing this to me?"

... also I looked up something like "terror lace product" and ironic I can't find now the link that "Al Qeda went to college" or something like that but there's lots of other examples of it's reality and I am still in as much pain as the mid august when my internet stalker was privy to a private conversation online and then the deshelving, reshelving, shelf rearranging started. ... 11/11/18 This is absolutely awful. And statistics of seniors getting STDs jumping 35 percent are stating the wrong cause being because they are more active. Their products are being tainted. I noticed that not all small towns have their gas stations, etc being overrun by the middle east. My small town and surrounding are. Could that be because of my muslim India friend? Another EMERGENCY text was sent out yesterday because air head didn't do her job. She asked mom about her driving to which mom skirted around the truth. She then asked mom if mom has spoken to AM. Air head doesn't know her own family of how childish they all are regarding medical needs. This is too much. I again told Claire to get over herself and go fix her lies in Morristown. It was only today I realized I picked up that phrase from a new song on the radio post Mighty Mouse emergence. Oh yes and I did remember another Claire Aunt Theresa pulled when she stated how happy Christine is in the nursing home and then anger shot up in me when she sounded just like AM in stating the ridiculousness of my belief that there are brain injury treatments for Christine. This is absolutely fucking awful the condition I'm in from my internet stalker and the deshelving, reshelving, shelf rearranging. But oh yes that too, it is noted that when I had to do my renewal no extra time was given perhaps after midnight so the guy who fixed it for me said it was odd that I couldn't log on yet the system said I'm renewed for 30 days. Wake up people. There are terrorists among us, especially in IT. ... So the itchy rash that periodically breaks out on my hand seems to be related to this infection given to me by a bioterrorist. Where's the criminal report? No joke. ... and the side lip situation has returned. ... 11/12/18 http://smolenskylaw.com/2018/11/02/driving-under-the-influence-of-marijuana-njsa-39-4-50/ Flashback to Claire smoking something as she was driving me with my paper route and I commented it was a weird looking cigarette. Flashback to the impatience of Claire at my slowness of moving the papers out of the way of the stick shift she drove. I think it was the beetle and I can't remember if it was the beetle she crashed into a telephone pole trying to kill herself drunk. Like I've said the only time I remember Claire (before court-ordered out) as the caring big sister is when the smell from the Nair or Neet almost made me pass out because I held my breath for as long as I could. So today mom was being difficult. The changing of aids made me question if the new one was informed about mom's driving and it was an issue I insisted the new one know about because I'm not there. I said the problem is that no one is saying she can't drive (and no one is around to see things happen). Mom insisted she doesn't veer to the right and said that she asked her doctor if she could still drive. As if I was depending on the true answer. ... 11/13/18 burning pain. Why do I even keep talking about it? So law enforcement will do its job as to who did this to me. ... 11/14/18 So I'm thinking the Potsdam witch or terrorist or both or one in the same decided they were going to invade my territory just as I invaded their's. I have pain that burns, stings, itches, discharges. Someone is probably saying "this isn't so funny anymore." It's noted that one Russian owned Luk Oil gas station became a Delta and another became a Liberty. I felt bad for the fill in aid who is subjected to mom's cold snaps and has to get used to someone all over again. This is an aid who has grown children but mom has to have things done to her own specifications. I told mom yesterday to make her own egg today since no one seems to make it for her up to par. Today (or yesterday) I told the aid not to worry - that everything we did could only be done mom's way and if not, then we were bad and you don't raise children like that. Claire really needs to get over herself and face the fact that she went away and her life changed. Nothing changed in our house but based on Claire's new understanding in life me and Christine should be ok. Flashback of Mirda saying I'm estranged from my family. ... STINGING, SEARING, JOLTING, BITING PAIN! ... 11/16/18 Traffic jam when you're already late. A no smoooking sign on your cigarette break. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams, already the dashboard's paradise. Today could have been really stressful but it didn't and it could have been worse but it's only the matter of I don't have a heat shield so I definitely could have used the snow behind my car shoveled. The slushy snow was slippery and I could have finished the car. Maybe me filling in some information threw him. Mom yelled out the window about shoveling. It just didn't happen. I'll just hope for the best. It really could have been worse but it wasn't. I went to the fast food place to get back the cookie I was jipped the other day so I got the cookie but got jipped in my change for the other stuff I bought today. Had to drive back up the highway to get the $5 I was jipped which was probably the amount of gas money I spent to go back. There are some people who's attractiveness just brings you into them, male or female. That was the case with this person at the fast food. VERY cute pretty young person. Honey please go back to Mexico where you understand the language and the money system. You could start a petite modeling or TV career. You have the looks. smh. I then walked into what I thought was going to be a police sting. My guess is they arrived there just to stake out. I'm sure the Mexicans there were scared shitless. The early day started good that I have enough sleep for the day. I really didn't expect to be this late today. The day started out with a sneeze that made it feel like an explosion in my vagina that reverberated. I'm in so much pain. Dryness where dryness shouldn't be, for one. I was able to get my hands on an antibiotic without a doctor but it's probably not the right antibiotic. The stinging dry pain. One clue to start with is that Amy Schumer works at Facebook and then Schumer's office didn't return a phone call about election funds paid to Facebook. You'll see in this blog "train wreck" was a phrase used long before an Amy Schumer burst on the scene. The mob-like action of tainting products for a specific purpose. The mob doesn't mess around when it comes to protection or destruction like the mob in Italy that dumped radioactive material in the ocean and it washed up on the shores of Somalia giving poisoning to people on the beaches of Somalia. So Amy has the same pregnancy problem as Kate. We all know Kate represents Catherine. Remember the big-time movie that was done cheaply with just a cam-corder. Yep. I'm only waiting for child justice or death. That is all. For now. ... oh yes so when mom insisted she was going to get her own medication this morning (rather than someone else) I was busy there getting together my stuff trying to get rid of this physical pain I'm in. Something came up about how family should be doing something mom was talking about and I did the run-down of how she's only settling for wanting to be independent because no one else is around. I told her how I'm in touch with someone that when their mother broke her hip all the family came together to care for the father's living arrangement and meals. One child actually wanted to relocate her franchise job hundreds of miles away to come help in the care. And this is an American family too. What a far cry from the absolute mess we're in. What a fucking mess. I also said how had she taken care of her children medically appropriately before they turned 18, I wouldn't have had - oh wait I had flashbacks this morning to the Mafia queen when I was 18 and 17 give me what I assume was a big lying story about a medical condition of a growth in her vagina falling out as she was doing yard work. This flashback happened as I see my own condition getting worse of swelling on the right side of my body - the feel of it is like you'd see in many porn pictures. Anyway I said to mom that had she done what she should have, I wouldn't have infections that won't go away from tainted products done by mobsters(?). ... Yeah so someone somewhere is seeing not only how this is not funny but that they've been lied to about me just for starters. I go home in pain and as I drink myself to sleep the physical pain won't be as bad because that's what numbing does. ... 11/18/18 stinging pain, discharge. I was able to remedy the pain a bit. I have no idea if both sides of my body are swollen. This assault really is a burden on me. I don't know why anyone would laugh at this. I popped the question to mom today as to what claire meant by "You never changed the beneficiaries." I think she said she doesn't remember. I said "Yes you do." Mom then ignored me and asked the aid for lunch. I'm too stressed out to look up beneficiaries - what it means and what it entails. Claire is completely wrong about me and I don't know where her imagination has run to regarding me. Completely. What did it do? Had my internet stalker access a privileged conversation and then act accordingly and I'm in this much physical pain. Tight skin, dry, stinging PAIN! ... Pain! Discharge! Someone is going to wind up regretful they messed with me! I kid you not. ... 11/19/18 Pain! Just sitting here. Shooting pains! I won't stop reporting until the doer of this deed is gotten (or I'm dead). ... oh that's why I'm in all this pain. I didn't have time to intake all the natural antibiotics before I left the house to get rid of this plague that was done at Stop & Shop mid to end of August 2018. ... and as I sit here having a life flash of what ruined me with no father and other stuff. Someone is talking about salary desire but they don't want to sound desperate. I did not care about making a lot of money and NY fucking shattered me I guess because of it. I had a life and potential. I just didn't know how to negotiate myself or sell myself and Mighty Mouse (both of them) thought they were going to save the day. When I went to the bathroom before there was an untended to bag. Signature of a bomb. My response? I'll take it! I did not have my life slammed into a mac truck just to be left in the negligence of an uneducated immigrant who fought like hell but in the end gave in to brain washing that perpetuates the "nothing's wrong" and "there's no more you can do" attitude. More life flash of families that move on in life. Damn right I took pictures of my sister's bedroom much left exactly the same as the day she died. But in America only the farce of psychiatry takes care of that. Flashback to my hairs standing up as Mighty mouse was behind me handling PERSONAL stuff that only me and Claire should be handling. ... or actually you know it could all come down to Shepherd who retrieved my resume from the only employment agency in the area to prove employing a person with a disability and then when I didn't understand his advances, stepped on me like you would an ant. I have boobs is the reason? Yeah I did not have my life slammed into a mac truck just to be the joke of life. ... should I hashtag metoo? In other words an elaborate scheme struck down my future. I remember at the CAP meeting Novacich said "...but Shepherd..." as if he's the expert in that I must be psychiatrically evaluated. And it was all a getting back at me for throwing a monkey wrench. In NY the patient loses their voice. Hell no I understood full well the dungeon I was expected to go down into. So now I volunteer my time until someone fixes this. I'm actually grateful unknowing Mighty Mouse called the cops because many things were revealed. Don't get me wrong. Police are not in lieu of communication. SIMPLE COMMUNICATION that Claire refused to do and I know she would be citing the bible about being in folly company. Take your pick. Proverbs 13:20 or Ecclesiastes or Corinthians, etc etc. The damn fool just didn't realize he (and she) were among the wise and all in the end Christine's life sits in a nursing home not taking advantage of the brain damage therapies available today. It's like I told Claire in the last 5 years, she's like the guy in the boat at sea who waits solely on God for rescue and turns down help from all the people that came along to help him saying he's waiting on God as he trusts in God. When he died from being lost at sea he asked God why he wasn't rescued and God said "Well I sent someone to rescue you three times!" As far as my stalker goes, gangs/members need to be looked into. ... 11/20/18 Traffic jam when you're already late. A no smoooking sign on your cigarette break. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams. Already the dashboard's paradise. ... painful discharge. And the criminal is? ... Of all the possibilities of who did this or knows or was involved. Pain. ... 11/21/18 Beavis and Butthead was at the house again today. Last time he came by himself. A conversation with an elderly customer using swear words. It just shouldn't be. That's the time you ask what kind of a home life he comes from. There is something going on when it comes to reputation and you witness the cowardness that when you catch eye contact with someone who laughs at you they sink down and comment to their friend next to them. Very sad and also knows something of the condition I was given by my stalker who took privileged private conversation material and had something to do with the deshelving, reshelving, and shelf rearrangement at Stop & Shop. I did not have my life slammed into a MAC truck for this. ... oh and Claire has resorted to online shopping for mom. Gee Claire I needed family to help me transition into the wild wild west life of the internet. Instead I got slandered online and my lack of work as a result has made you label me as lazy when in reality Mighty Mouse called me lazy ass after I called him dumbass, not knowing all of this. Yeah good set up you have going there. Oh and in case you still can't connect the dots, employers google your real name - which brought up my slander and made me a less likely candidate to hire. ... I get this overwhelming feeling that there are many in or related to NYS who now see the fuck up they did regarding me. I think my mind started to wander in that direction last night when there was a red head that passed me by as I was waiting to turn my last leg home. Now that her oldest is out of the house most likely, now she gets the life she helped ruin? I don't know if she had more than one kid. I do know the start of the dominoes falling. A handicapped tenant has the right to live harassment free. ... and the jack asses have arrived. The violators? ... oh yes and you're welcome. Ironic (and lucky) I left early last night because I had time to acclimate sleeping arrangements - mom's recliner stopped working so we had to rearrange sleeping. Today with the new one they added a lower lumbar piece saying that people had been complaining and I came right out and said that her physical therapist said she's slouching in the chair. Mom felt the piece made her back more comfortable. I verbalized I have a lower lumbar piece in my car. You know where's Claire??? Where's her medical knowledge at??? Earlier the aid suggested I drive to Thanksgiving dinner (ultimately it was to save mom money) and the aid said I could drive her around (to save money) and I declined saying she needs to go take care of all her children at the surrogate's court. At first the aid was like "oh stop that" but this is a very serious issue. She's been a loose cannon all these years doing what she wants and who suffered? The children who received inadequate medical care. Sorry you're about 30 years too late in accepting reality Mighty Mouse (if you are) but that's how and why you don't belong in this family. If anyone belonged arrested that day it's the woman who got away with this medical neglect for 40 years. You were barking up the right tree - just aiming for the wrong bird sitting in its nest. ... 12/3/18 So I been away taking the advice of a fellow tribe supporter for a week after the next generation slammed right into the back of me. Prayer really works being that the cracking in my neck went away the day after I told them that if they believe in pray I sure could use some. I personally am not interested in prayer anymore. I bought the four loko that was out of stock simply because of time. I got little sleep last night due to being out of sleeping medication so was very late today. If my paranoia is correct it will poison me or disease me like the specific item of mine that was deshelved for about a week and reshelved as per my internet stalker mid to late August 2018 at Stop & Shop, who had access to a private online conversation of mine. I was astounded to be waited on by Americans at the Russian owned Luk Oil that's left while the others around switched to either Liberty or Delta. Claire has 2 medical strikes against her. On Thanksgiving me and mom noticed something about Christine right away. Claire and Mighty Mouse didn't go because it was too early for them (eye roll) so I went (and drove). This new situation of Christine's is controllable with family involvement and medically necessary. When I needed this situation it was my doctor who ordered it. The aid says Christine's very sweet and that is true but I also let her know she's sweet due to increased brain damage from untreated seizures. She's entering her Zombie stages again that the brand new puppy I brought home about 25 years ago pulled her out of (with the help of my ex - I don't think it would have ever happened without him as I'm too serious). The other medical strike Claire has against her is supposedly agreeing with mom that it's bullshit about mom's driving. Unless mom is lying that is Claire's stance. This came up after the aid seemed to get annoyed right along with me that we are still on this issue when mom says she's driving down the highway soon. Claire is not around to witness what we did yet she is negligent enough to aver it's bullshit? We went around in circles with mom until finally I just told the aid this could just be the harassment mom doesn't even realize she's doing. She has a habit of many times saying "Oh I'm just talking." This time I said to mom "You needed a boyfriend to talk to." Mom said to forget that and I said "then you needed a girlfriend to talk to." Well that was out the window as well. Christopher came around to put up the Christmas tree and just like I said in court ten years ago me and Claire will have something to talk about when she finally gets it from actually dealing with medical life. She won't have the profound medical lives as us and be in the medical know as I but it's just as important for all around proper diagnoses. Things were fine with Christopher as I went about my business in the kitchen and I was conversational at times. A weight has been lifted ever since Mighty Mouse did me a favor of proving I'm right and he's wrong. I told Christopher what mom didn't want to because mom feels too alienated with FAMILY. I asked if he could get dinner for mom and the aid - I wouldn't be there so he asked Grandma and first Grandma said no but then was wishy washy until finally (I hear) Christopher went home soon after I left. I asked Christopher to give me a hand putting my wheelchair in my trunk and next time he'll know better but this time I picked up the front while he did the back. My parting words to him were "So maybe one of these days we can talk about your mother's medical lives." That night Claire took 5 hours to call mom. She called when I got back home. I found that pertinent. Did she have to digest how Christopher is witness to I'm not all craziness? hmmm. I'm in all kinds of pain from the medical terror done to me at Stop & Shop. It feels dry and fiery when it is wet. There is discharge front and back. There is skin stinging. There is waking from this and taking longer to get back to sleep. All notice the new Summers Eve products at Stop & Shop? Yep. Not only is our lives a slap in the face but it's consumerism. Someone stands out to me that looks just like that Kit Kat bar commercial chic. Noted (for some time). Some of the itching pain has turned to a generally numb area. Someone thought they were going to get me to go to a doctor? They thought wrong but they are free to feel the metal and cold of their jail/prison cell. Yeah as if justice actually exists in my life. Sometimes it does. Onto other things and if I have time tonight will look back at some other things over the past week. ... Oh and on the sinister side of my life, I forgot to mention when the for sale sign went up of the house where the garage went up kitty-corner(?) across from our accident - I really don't remember if it was a stone wall or cement wall we were pushed into. Tonight as I was passing by something looked very odd of the deli. I didn't have time to pay attention if it was boarded up or emptied out or what. I did notice a man working at the gutters on the corner of the building.You get a feeling of one of those "say something and your evidence goes away." Nice try. Oh and I notice new traffic signs around. To make up for the pisspoor lack of it all these years? ... Fucking discharge that will dry up and be painful. Fucking pain! ... 12/4/18 Just waiting for someone to go to prison for what's been done to me. Especially the one behind me perhaps or the ones I see high-fiving. ... 12/5/18 It occurred to me on the way here that bats are blind. That's why dingbat is a fitting name for Claire if she ignored or deleted the voice mail I shared with mom leaving her tonight. Police alert? DO something. Mom fell for a scam that came into her phone soon after mom found out some information from making an outgoing call about her financial stuff. Before mom received this call I told mom she needs to get Claire involved because these monstrosities who lose your info don't give a crap. When I had credit protector in the nursing home, conveniently one of my credit cards was taken over by another credit card. I assume the confusion is why they insisted they weren't getting my faxes while I was holding each confirmation receipt that they did receive it. About TWO YEARS LATER I finally got in touch with the top executive of the credit card company that argued with me as if I were lying and as I got upset said something like "there's no reason to play hardball here." HA! Stupid! Now that I finally faxed all my confirmations to this exec personally then finally my credit was cleared, etc. So as the scam call was coming in, my first instinct was "I'm not involved. Call Claire. Learn from your fiasco" but guess what? If mom's money gets drained I have no way to live. I'm welcoming murder but while that is not happening to me, I need to get by somehow. So when I got on the phone with the scam artist I said that she just received her financial information today. How is he calling her all of a sudden? He said it was just coincidence. Ha! So in the end mom called her financial institution and it turns out there is a safety block on all her stuff until they receive verifying info. They verified to me that the call back number I got from the scam artist doesn't belong to them. Being vulnerable mom unknowingly gave away some of that info to the scam artist. It's as if they are listening in on phone calls and know when to pounce. There is no room for Claire's dingbat-ness in this. She is in charge of a lot of financial stuff of mom's these days. The aid is getting a better idea that we were injured as children and so this is all very serious. I will not be helping in any way while my life is flashing before my eyes when all injured children need addressing. In other news someone needs to go to prison for the biohazard that was given to me mid to late august 2018 at Stop & Shop. ... and actually Claire is more of an undiagnosed brain injury recipient than a dingbat but she's happier with "stupid" labels instead? Ok. Ok for her. Not for the other children sent home from a hospital working towards "getting better." ... 12/9/18 As leaving the house and mom had spent the day with Christine, I asked "So the situation we both noticed is still not taken care of?" I then focused right on her about it that these medical situations are not being taken care of correctly and Really? she cant just go down and add me on so Christine can have the medical life she deserves???? She did her usual of say nothing and look beyond me. I brought her to my focus. This is the life of a human that is being taken advantage of for Christ's sake! For the first time mom says "Well we asked that and they said they never heard of it." Holy shit Sherlock who doesn't belong in this country raising medically needy children!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT ESTABLISHING CASE LAW IS STUPID! Of course a third guardian is very hard to get because it's not established in the law! Had she let me know they were asking this I could have been there to counteract their argument they never heard of it. There's a first time for everything evil shits!!! Mom bought the shit they sold her. I actually wasn't going to start with this today but it is what freshly happened just before I'm here. There's a certain Potsdam woman included in the power(?) ones that is a size 3x or 4x with short hair. They have a distinct look just like the government(?) workers who where London Fogs or London Fog type coats. I recently saw a woman of this type of look coming into Stop & Shop as I was leaving. Noted. I'm wondering about the psychologist in town during my first NYS misdiagnosis. I can't remember if she had "the look" but I'm pretty sure as my life was wasting away and I was going to a psychologist before my second misdiagnosis/assault/police/hospital injustice that she had the look. She didn't have the attitude from what I remember but I remember she was in the process of being a dual citizen of Canada and the US. I said there's a lot of Potsdam flavor around here lately. Oh and George Bush's sister died of Leukemia? That's a new one. In 2000 she died in a car accident. How many times has George missed school because his grandmother died? The evidence is kept of the hard pointed plastic found in my recent Four Loko. These things happen obviously but if you think you're being targeted you pay particular attention and it all started due to one young and stupid person as much as I can tell. Open a can of worms best left closed. Learning too much for your own good. I read that if treating yourself naturally for reproductive area conditions don't work in a week then go to a doctor. It's been 4 months I still have this. Am I sterile yet? Was that the white collar crime(?) goal? Yes there is border corruption even with our "friendly" countries and I have to guess Alanis' JLP album was all about what I'm talking about. Lots more to catch up on but I've got things to do and these things I have to do are probably pissing off certain people only concerned with money instead of lives. ... Oh yes and Claire told the aid and mom that I "was right" in sounding the alarm to Claire the phone call mom received from the scam guy recently. It is by far what else I'm right about. If this is a land of justice, Morris County is in the hot seat to DO something. ... I'm owed billions and you know when I finally get it, I'm going to do something with a bit of it to live out my dream of giving Native America what it needs - not necessarily money either. It just costs money to untie hands. ... 12/10/18 Fucking pain! Fucking discharge! that goes dry! I'm getting tired of all the things I've been doing for 5 or 6 months to get rid of infection. The first was gone. Then in mid-August an act of terror was done to the product I use at Stop & Shop. My specific only. All because an injured child not properly taken care of by adults is not liked by some soul-less evil - what's the point of even trying to get at it. An arrest? This is not fucking funny. This is assault on my person. Anyone care? ... The guilty party and / or all who know about it are right here at the college I'm pretty sure. The investigation starts with the (that's all I can get out now). ... Can't remember what else. ... 12/11/18 And a dream I remember having before doing overnights is the truth told to me by a few people and my appreciation for being told the truth that my butt is getting big. I told each person why (had something to do with sitting around too much) but there was no insult in the dream. It was just honesty. In waking life the conversation I remember about a butt getting big was the southern comfort discrimination, there-goes-the-life-I-knew landlady that in the beginning when we were friendly, she said that her butt is not getting big for her pregnancy so she's probably going to have a boy. She gave birth to a girl who has the same name as the faithful dog on World News California fires the other night, and I remember she told me that "because of the way I was carrying I thought I was going to have a boy." I do remember getting back on winter break early in college after my knee started going down hill and I was getting a big butt that the song on the radio was "Baby's Got Back" and I remember being in a black dress and my ex was liking it but we sat down at the Dunkin' that switched to a deli soon after the teens went against my wishes and took a pic of me and back then I remember hearing a comment passed of baby's got back. In other news I have imprinted in my memory that Whoopi recently commented about an "African prince" on The View. That sounds like a Potsdam thing to me. ... I'm a laughing stock among the black community and that's who needs to be investigated as the pain is the same of dried discharge that sometimes burns when I pee. Lots of swelling. A true assault. ... 12/12/18 So that was a social moron brain-damage-explained thing (in the first 5 minutes with a brain injury counselor 19 years too late) that happened tonight. The highschool fellow graduate in which my smile blew my cover - I forgot that his wife had come by this year for selling things. I was in the middle of making the aid late with her night because I was waiting to see World News I keep missing, I was in a towel waiting to get in the shower, just as she was leaving I so rudely kept close to the tv because I wanted to see the segment about the killer whales surrounding the swimmer. My fellow graduate married a very pretty lady. Looks to be of some Asian decent but the beauty will be passed to her daughter. I'm a sad sight for the oversight that was done to me post injury. He lives normally. He's not a former injured child. Traffic jam when you're already late. A no smoooking sign on your cigarette break. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. It's meeting the man of my dreams - already the dashboard's paradise. And isn't it ironic? So he's bound to have kids that grow up to be good looking. You know these social panic earthquakes all made sense in the first 5 minutes of a meeting with a brain injury counselor and I will not let what I suffered go unnoticed. Justice? Underwear hanging? WTH? The segment has me wondering lately if the spirit of these animals, when they do odd things like that, if they are in harmony with the human spirit crying out that the oceans of our world are in serious trouble. And it wasn't them who did it. They need humanity to save it. The melting of the glaciers is irreversible as I understand it. Earlier in the news there was a segment I only half heard of recalled tampons for open packages, etc. Will that bring justice to the assault done to my person? For me it wasn't tampons. ... oh yes and the dunkin I stopped going to that consistently had no Americans working there and one time the new female there received over a ten dollar tip because she didn't understand American money, was in the dark tonight. It's possible it closes early. I thought there may have been another bust. ... and there was another "high five" behind me. Without turning around I felt eyes on me. That's what happens when someone was so immature and stupid in opening a can of worms that you now know you were targeted in the unobvious assault done on you like I wish it had been an opened package. There was no indication of what disease or what not was transferred onto the product and the black community here knows something or was directly involved. ... just coughed to get fucking PAIN in vagina. ... 12/13/18 so I get here and my account is disabled even though I took care of my renewal. Noted. It's not the first time this recently happened. One of these past years I didn't have to renew at all and it's because it's whoever is in charge in IT. ... fucking pain! ... pinching pain. ... and now I feel the discharge in the back. ... and it's been 4 months. ... wooow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqBiu45onyY nice to hear from this one out of the woodwork. I'm glad she let the world know. ... 12/14/18 Painful stinging and discharge from the bioterrorist that got me 4 months ago and is not going away. They must be here or were here at the university. Like I said the black community needs to be investigated because they know something or did something. Maybe the bad business driver of the adult day care bus out of Newark as well. Painful! ... Stinging pain that probably comes from the blood I saw from the itching I had to do. Discharge in the back too. Prison time for some. ... Oh yes and there's something I've heard in, near or around Potsdam: as said on Jeopardy something about "one man's (act of?) terror is another man's..." ... the aid was funny tonight. When I heard mom is going to call her helper to get the tables cleared "because she gets things done I went off. Not screaming but this eternal blowing of our father's money. This time I even said I need to get in touch with him in the afterworld to know what he thinks about this. As usual mom tries to say what he would say but I pinned her on that with my memory because mom would never use coupons because it's too inconvenient for her. There's a huge difference between a file clerk's earnings and a Fortune 500 company worker's earnings. Mom insists this is all her money but I argue it's only because he's dead. Anyway, the aid made me laugh when she said to my mother "MaryJane wants her money" as she was trying to establish she would help mom after I said to mom the exact same things the aid said about direct her what to do. It's a communication problem mom has. And our father's money is being blown because of it. Just like I learned nothing due to mom's "I can't explain it" all my life. Fast forward to modern understandings that not only did mom not be able to explain it but I no longer had sisters around to help me. Claire was on drugs. Stephanie was dead. And Christine was made into an alternate self. Right as if Judge Wilson did her job. Right. My ass. This will not end until I'm dead or justice is had. ... fucking pain out of no fucking place!! ... prison for the pain I'm in. ... 12/16/18 So as I remain an unpaid investigator and I'm able to stomach a lot I came across forced rape and some of them were a dressed Saudi prince(?) having sexual relations with a blond white female outdoors and in some pics she is left lying on a tarp. A trained eye is able to tell what part of the world it's in based on the type of trees and perhaps brush that grows there. Because we don't cover our heads in America that is justified by certain people. I'd have to look into more Native American history of wars but actually the bible that developed in that part of the world had no business leaving it's continent. Let them keep their ways and brutality and stay there. The Spanish don't rule the world because Irish weather stopped them from obliterating England but their want makes them just as guilty. Not enough attention is paid to their conquering South America. So this 4 loko situation is coming to a head. I only now connected the dots that I was not just exhausted today so that I missed going out but the re-stocked four loko knocked me out. It very well could be living the way I am for the past week caught up with me but I doubt it. I lived this way just fine last May and other 24 hour times. The only difference is I wasn't dealing with a virus(?) every day given to me at stop & shop mid to late August by the terrorist who had access to a private G+ conversation I had. Maybe my terrorist works at Google but there's other lack of privacy outside of there along the way. Lots of pain and discharge. ... Come to think of it my perp(s) could be any of the fraternity bros whose frat was shut down after I'm guessing my presence staying in potsdam brought attention to the absence of justice for the 17 y/o indian who died hazing. The case was reopened and they went to jail I guess being pulled out of their careers. Then a Taste of India restaurant opens. Why? Because that little known area is a terror battleground? Does judge Wilson get the profound screw up she did? Our lives had the chance to come full circle but instead we now have not only this colossal online mess but American insecurity. Lesson learned why you give jobs to people that are qualified and not leave me sitting around with intelligence going nowhere. Better take me out quick because while I'm alive there is an endless energy that's not staying silent. This child is not going down in silence so maybe you want to pull a 9/14 stunt with whatever chemical you put in my storm drain to do away with me at approx 7:30 in the morn and then my one and only at the police dept said hello to me in a way that revealed he knows full well what happened and he's not my friend - to say the least. ... 12/17/18 A headlight out that I just saw tonight is a reason to pull someone over??? Tail light I understand and you can be ticketed for that. I'm going to have to wait until daylight I guess to go home. I just can't take the stress. As I was waiting to turn in here I could have hit someone because the road is not very bright and the car coming my way had no lights on. Even still I flashed my high beams at them to let them know they need to turn their lights on. Stress went to relief when the cop handed me back my stuff and said to get the light fixed. Through this I found out my insurance card is ripped in half and part of it is missing. That means the responding officer of when the next generation wailed into the back of me, ripped it off and kept it. But I still need to look through all of my stuff. Maybe the other half is there. So there's been a dumpster in front of the deli for a while. The other day I noticed there's a for rent sign in the house next to the deli and the house that built a garage either where we had our accident or next to it is still for sale. Oh what now they're going to tear down the deli? Our latest fight of about "take care of this because I'm right" was mom refusing to accept responsibility and it's a matter of the cops not doing there job - that we got bad cops and that's why Mighty Mouse helped me out. Does mom even remember it's only from her I remember the phrase "Are you a man or a mouse?" I am overwhelmed. I did not have my life slammed into a mack truck just for all these problems. Just go ahead and pull another 9/14 so I can die in my sleep. Border corruption. Over over whelmed. It could be triggered by my sleep being screwed up. ... As I was getting ready to leave tonight (last night) I verbalized the (you know flashback of how my father would keep all inside and my mother always said that is no good as in mom's constant goings on were therapeutic for her) the panic inside me about how our futures were not planned and she better do something before she dies. No one is acknowledging or making her acknowledge our right to injury stability for minors she was put in charge of. ... overwhelmed. ... 12/18/18 I have to wonder if I'm seeing all these police pull overs more often due to classified threats? Because I've been pulled over for the first time in my 20+ years of driving over a headlight out, I paid attention to the car behind me approaching in the left lane since they had a headlight out. It was a police patrol car! Anyway, tonight multiple people received a text all because Claire doesn't acknowledge receiving my texts - and I already know how she told mom she got a text from her oldest when the school was in the news over some type of lock down. I pointed out that just as in divorce there is parental alienation, that is what mom is doing with our father in death needlessly spending his money to compensate for her own incompetence in that she can't follow what Medicare told her to do in getting an aid covered and Claire needs to take care of it. Oh the horror! How dare I mention the reality of this stuff! Yes people die. Yes people have wills and directives. Claire just needs to un-alienate herself from the realities that will destroy more lives with her solely in charge. Her and Mighty Mouse are supposed to be coming over for Christmas but I asked mom tonight why they are doing that. What about Christine. The aid says I should go for Christmas if they are coming due to my eternal verbalizing reality of our lives that have not been taken care of from the lifelong medical perspective they are. Who dumped this on me? I can feel discharge coming out. I have pain from the act that was done to me mid to late August at Stop & Shop. I haven't been doing my usual food routine lately because of this grueling time. ... 12/19/18 How about an accident reconstruction be reopened for my dead sister? https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2018/12/18/she-swiped-her-co-workers-coke-can-police-say-it-cracked-year-old-murder-case/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.a145afbcfdf1. How about Claire be released from her ability to stay calm and stay in denial about the soul/spirit brain damage/reality? How about it? It's needed. ... oh yes and the deli sign is down so and my life hangs in the balance. ... Oh yes and mom's ways have really gone in an unhealthy direction when it comes to me. It's nothing new these days for mom to choose her wish for me to be a problem over reality. When Christopher came to put the tree/decorations up, there was one decoration in which he misunderstood what mom meant. He hung the decoration on the outside of the screen door and I knew something didn't make sense and I said "You haven't had that stolen yet?" or something like that. And mom went on the defense that where we live people don't steal things (as if I've been gone so long I don't know how life works here and mom was correct for lying in court). Couple days later she was coming back from being out and she sees the error. She had the aid put it in it's correct position which is hanging on the inside door and fully safe from being stolen because the outside door is kept locked. A day in the life post mom losing reality to Claire. Every time I feel like my next words are going to be "stupid bitch" it's that primal chord pulling of "it's only our ENTIRE lives (that have been stomped and shit on) and we were only fucking children." ... The more the aid is around the more I hear what needed to be around all these years. There are so many times where mom needs to be stopped in her tracks of the spiral she falls into. That was no good for us to be around and by now Claire is not only immune to it but mom knows better than to let Claire see that side because it ties in with how Claire was court ordered out of the house. Nothing was done for us left behind. My eyes are fully wide open now as to how medically oblivious Claire is in relation to it as to her life. I'm the one paying the price. I also note that there seems to be certain people keeping up on me. I just can't tell if they are pro or con for me. Is the Chess game a tie-in? ... 12/20/18 Well I been here since yesterday but it's still the painful dried discharge, itching, etc of the assault done on me involved with the removal and placing back of my particular item at stop & shop. ... 12/22/18 The pain I'm in can't wait. Once in a gang always in a gang and the gang ties gave me the bioterrorism I'm living with from only my particular product removed from the shelf at Stop & Shop in mid to late August after someone had access to my personal conversation on Google+. I was given an STD (without sex) or something that is not going away. I am completely innocent. The gang ties of MW and the black community are located in the Paterson Newark and the University area and need to be investigated. I am innocent and had it not been for Judge Deanne M. Wilson I would not be in this mess. MW knows the trouble he brought around. ... Plattekill gas station. Pump has handicapped sign saying beep for assistance but doesn't define assistance. I can pump my own gas. The walking is a problem. So I give the guy a $20 bill after he hesitatingly comes over. This is a gas station I hesitated going to because I loathed how far away inside was from the pumps. When I'm done I wait for him to come out but he doesn't so I beep again and hold up 3 fingers of the change I need. As he hands me my change at my Jersey borrowed car he says "this isn't jersey you know. We don't do this here." HA! All I said was I lived in ny(s) for a long time." If he only new! Maybe he knows. Maybe he knows now. It's probably not the worker's fault (sometimes it is). It is the training of the worker. ... The physical pain and inconvenience I'm in due to whatever the black community in and around Paterson and Newark including the University either knows or did with bioterrorism having access to a private Google+ conversation I had and then removing my particular item from the shelves at Stop & Shop needs to be investigated. It all started with MW who has gang ties. Once your in a gang there's no way out. I'm innocent. I never saw this coming from MW. I'm in pain and they did this mid to late August 2018. Someone needs to protect me. I was innocent and this std given to me without sex really hurts. I'll go to a doctor if someone is going to prison over this assault done to my person. Do gangs have access to bioterrorism? This is exhausting and painful. My natural methods are not getting rid of this. ... 12/23/18 I'm on round 3. B4waking from round 2 sleep dream was either song playing or song being sung by group that "Jesus is among us" and you could feel the spirituality in the air kind of like the dream I had in CA of my friend from high school who committed suicide and was doing yard work. Woke up to throbbing pain in my vagina and discharge. The throbbing pain has been bad since my ride back from NYS. I opened my legs while lying down to get rid of the pain and it worked. In my overt emotions yesterday which has been upsetting I screamed over the top as panic set in from not only the medical absence we've been left in but its continuation. The day started out with mom angry at the aid because the aid told me mom's driving scared her the day b4 and mom was going to drive highway to her hair with her new glasses (when there is no dr confirmation the new glasses have anything to do with her driving). The aid had to tell her about drifting like when the mail truck got closer and closer to me. So with mom screaming at the aid and giving out to her I went on at mom but I guess I'm louder. One of mom's giving out is that she's paying thousands of dollars and someone who doesn't even drive has the nerve to lie about her driving. In the end I told the aid to call Claire on this and the aid said she would (bcoz this time it's obvious) and if she needs to end this job due to it then so be it and mom will be in her same old mess. While I was in the shower the aid convinced her not to drive and use the car svc so all harassment was through. Another way it will go by the wayside. I then started going on about our father's money being blown and the aid changed her story about trying to find out about medicare covering an aid. Claire's call to mom 2 weeks ago was to inquire about it and mom did but the only outcome of understanding was mom needed a prescription yet today the aid said they only cover 2 hrs a day and it's the same as when the aid would come here a few times a week. Then WHY would the aid tell me to call medicare for mom a week before?!?!??? (on 1/1/19 I told mom that I heard her telling Claire she can't make head or tail out of what the guy at Medicare is telling her. I said that's a very different story from what she was telling me and that a good liar has a good memory. Mom looked away from me when I caught eye contact with her at the end of my sentence). I read the aid the texts I've sent and not understanding she said "don't send that" I told her when they were already sent. The aid said that's ok bcoz Claire doesn't pay me any mind. THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!!!! I'm getting potsdam freakshows when on email but not when on blog. ... I will have to start a new email soon. I'm on round 4 bcoz round 3 didn't put me to sleep. I noticed Asian signs on the side of the road before the exit for Amsterdam NY & b4 the rest area sign. My first instinct said Tibet. It scared me because it looked like an out of nowhere place like the Saudi prince forcibly raping the white blond bcoz she doesn't cover herself enough (or justifiably so anyway). Peace on earth would have been achieved had all invaders stayed in their own homeland but it was a different time period. The time knew there were other things outside their world and went to conquer it. I don't remember what else now but I'm completely at odds with all right now. I think I'll look up guardianship abuse on Youtube now. ... 12/24/18 This still works? So the 22nd to the 23rd revealed the legal absence our lives were left in. I forget the conversation but I said the ER dr left a bent bone in my leg and the aid said the obvious: "sue." I said to mom "you hear that mom?..." the aid told me about a woman gave birth thru cesarean and the pain after revealed the doctor left a scissors inside her. She sued and won a lot of money. On the 23rd we saw the story of the boy with a facial tumor who died from anesthesia in L.A. the aid knows like any normal person they'll be sued. I told her how much stress I'm under due to being slammed in the back. She said "you sue?" I pointed to mom indicating I don't have the wherewithal for suing because I don't have the backing and just waiting to die. During this conversation mom's absence came out when she said both of those cases are "different" arguing all the points we wouldn't win and then said a case she heard of that a guy didn't win. I said that medmal case has its own merits and is not our case. Mom still wasn't on board. The spirit breaks what we were left in. I'm on round 2 having enough sleep for the day so I can get some extra sleep to do what I need for the day starting early and all this stress over an accident that isn't my fault. I'm hoping my insurance is open today so I can get another insurance card. I highly doubt the ripped off part of it is in my car but still need to look. I lucked out when pulled over for a headlight out but can't depend on luck. I try to get some peace knowing medicine women and men. ... 12/25/18 Same thread still works but gets "stuck." I slept a lot these past couple days probably because my body is on overload due to the virus or infection abiding in me since the bio terror act done to me 4 months ago at stop & shop. I'm thinking some seriously twisted terrorist was out to prove to my ex u don't need sex to catch something. But the imagination wonders as silence sets in and potential gang members available to the entire process of product to shelf remain un-incarcerated. I'm on round 2 after discharge woke me a few times. Could babble on but more interested in watching Youtube videos about guardian abuse but probably tomorrow. There's lots out there. I'm by far the only victim of the system's abuse tearing families apart rather than helping them. I never should have been fucked with. How many regretting that now? ... We have our answer. After Chris finished christmas dinner and mom and me still eating I asked Chris if she would like to live at home with an aid like mom has or live at the nursing home. I described what the aid does for mom. She said the nursing home. I asked does she want me to come and me take her to Kessler to get her arm working while there? She said yes and I said ok we have our answer. Now mom needs to go back to court and fix this how it should have been done to begin with. I'll have a new playlist of guardianship abuse and such. The billions of dollars owed me will help me to give full time attention to christine. ... 12/26/18 Woken up by discharge at second wake up and I'm onto round 2. Was having a dream with MW in it who has a very bad memory about conversations he's had with people. Many times he's spoken to me as if he was giving me new info. The first clue something was very wrong was his overt gesture as I was saved from walking and handed him a donation for staying warm. The 2nd clue was when he had no idea I had done all that walking to give him a donation and he told me to leave it there and no offer of help or assistance. Very wrong his response of my technology insight. Something very off. The present I got for keeping an open mind is this assault on my person which is currently stinging pain. Just like my mother's screwdriver with different magnetic heads being stolen by the elevator guys and the power tool they left is not a help to mom. Maybe that black man who never returned here knows about a newark(?) gang who is behind this disease I can't get rid of and I'll go to a dr if someone is going to prison. I'll have to look up the distance of Pearl River ny to newark nj but very odd a car stolen so far away found in newark. There is a particular tribe supporter I remember from Pearl River. I'm owed billions for what I've been put through. Noted the "oh shit!" comment in the computer lab by a black community member. What was he oh shitting about? I was blind-sided by trouble and now someone needs to go to prison for what's been done to me starting 40 years ago. ... Sleep from round 2 gave dream of whose presence this time was (I don't remember if it was the next gen who hit me or gang members who were similar to the person who hit me). Both dreams had simply their presence, moreso MW in the first one, but it was just them blurred and their presence .... when Chris got here my first comment was her "foot is all swollen! This medical stocking is not on right" as I tried pulling up on the slouching stocking. When mom saw she demanded to know why Chris did not have on the new black stocking that she spoke to the nurse about and it supposedly was all figured out. Mom paid $sixety for these new stockings. Chris was getting annoyed /frustrated with the flurry of questions she didn't know how to answer. It is christine's non-paralyzed leg that is all swollen. If family is rigid with a nursing home they will be more likely to give rigid care to the patient but Claire without a clue is the only other one in charge. Me establishing case law of a needed medical guardian would have solved a lot of problems written about throughout this blog. Chris needs all three of us in her life and this guardianship did a dis-service to christine. I will not stop until this is fixed or I am dead. I'm sure there are people who don't like reading about their negligence in this blog. Shoulda woulda coulda listened to me. A few times I had to tell mom to stop expecting more out of Chris than what she is capable of - that I for sure know what that was like but I held off on having any in-depth christmas arguments. As is obvious from the getgo this family has never accepted the realities of our post accident lives and all Claire's mousy, brain washed, uninvolved, ways can do is say mom did her best. (Fast forward to 1/1/19 and I asked Chris which stocking she had on and she said black was on both legs. This is more of the moronicness of not having me involved because I'm not so sure she's supposed to have a black stocking on both legs. There's only 2 because they're sold on pairs). ... 12/27/18 Woken up not by discharge but probably enough sleep. Doing round 2 anyway. Had what feels like a recurring dream (oh the horror! - as I flashback to opposing counsel from nj trying to see if that reveals mental instability of me) of people that have perfect health, perfect speaking and functioning as long as they have the new cell phone. If that is gone they go back to imperfection and the atmosphere is relaxed but life falling apart. ... When my cousin called on christmas she happened to be on speaker phone and talked to all of us. She wanted to know why I wasn't cooking and I rolled over and said because I wasn't allowed to cook (when I got home from the hospital) and she gave a forced laugh of which I don't know what it meant. She referred to mom's closest(?) sister as "an old bird." REALITY - which is how we would have been better off moving across the atlantic back to them. ... 12/28/18 Woken up by painful frying discharge. MW, among other things, was caught on video dissing my disability. I'll go to a dr when someone goes to prison for this assault at stop & shop 4 months ago. Thank you mighty mouse for bringing police attn to my life. Maybe I'll get some protection and justice. Maybe? The single most missing ingredient to Claire's arguments is that we were injured minors & she can be in denial all she wants as she tries to say I'm guilty of all the symptoms of senior abuse but her missing element really matters. Really makes a difference. Something just went really wrong with judge wilson. Maybe someone knew someone and illegally stayed on the case but this sure as hell isn't coming down on me while Claire sites god is on her side. The last time Claire actually talked to me was before I said to her "now do you see how we needed legal things put in place for us long ago?" I think that's when she told me to focus. That this is about mom and not Chris. This conversation happened on the phone when mom was first going to the hospital. Fucking stupid. Now Claire ditched christmas. Claire doesn't need the label stupid. She just needs a proper diagnosis and compensatory strategies. I guess I'll stop babbling for now about realities that need to be addressed. ... All it took 2nite was my mother saying robodick is working from home. EVERYTHING I NEEDED SINCE THE YEAR 2000 AND ALL SHE CAN SAY IS SHE THINKS HE'S WORKING FROM HOME! Are you fucking stupid or just not admitting it stupid bitch?!?!?! I've suffered enough! Passing out very soon. ... 12/29/18 Round2 4hours later. Awake from painful dried discharge and the black community at the university needs to be investigated for this assault on my person. MW knows something along with them and I need my life back from this evil stupidity done to me. It turns out I didn't have much of my 2nd drink2pass out b4. It was that easy2save a life. Mighty mouse uses his connections in the way international to get a work from home job and I'm left in misery. Left in misery. Is that the movie long ago with Bates and Annie? I don't remember. So easy to save this life and no one did. Now I have assaulters who need to go to prison and I'll go2a dr. ... Oh yes and I was privy to a conversation about gas. Mom has forgotten she taught me to stay with known places like exxon mobil. Turns out you need to be careful of places like Delta and Liberty because of water detection in the gas. I will pass out soon. ... 12/30/18 I lost it earlier when I heard Chris tell mom that for the past 2 days she's had the white stocking on. I think it was the day b4 that that mom spoke to christine's nurse who lied to her apparently that they were putting the black on. Chris said she's seen Danielle there and I told her she needs to tell her she wants me added to her care and tell Claire. Eventually she remembered Cris Mirda. I let her know she may enjoy where she is but she's not getting proper medical care. The aid didn't have anything to say as I went off on mom I guess becoz she knows I'm right? I'm still thinking what the title of my new playlist will be about the guardianship abuse in the US of A. It will wind up giving another terrorist fuel to their fire. Oh well. That is why you don't do this to CHILDREN smarter than adults! ... I am suffering so much from discharge and skin pain with stinging. Itching. I'm exhausted. Professionally transferred std for what???? Pain. ... 12/31/18 Awake after 3 hrs. Discharge especially in the back lately but not so sure that's what woke me. Lamenting over the absolute negligence we were left in. Left Danielle a msg this (yesterday) morning about the lack of care I need to be included on because christine doesn't deserve this. Left details about proper "surgical" stocking as my mother called it and my first words to Chris on christmas. I need the freedom to check on her everyday I drive by her. Mom says I can do that. Riiiiiggghhtt! Her doing things under the radar is what got this mess here. Told her about my brother-in-law calling the police on me and them finding in my favor. I spoke for the full 3:10 minus the amount of time her message took saying she needs to go to Morristown and add me to Christine's care and Christine doesn't deserve this and "where's Claire?" Aid said tonight how youngest born find trouble. This is not trouble! This is seeking higher ground from the medical negligence we've been left in. She's at least smart in wanting to go back to her own country. This mess is only more fuel to the fire of a terrorist against America. Nice going morris county! I'm by far the only one and a new playlist about that will be started. Oldest member of NYS legislature retiring. Does he realize the absolute mess he represented? Just comfortable with a paycheck. That is all. Welcome to NY. What's the point continuing? ... Woke up 2ce I think. Last time from discharge. Whole area is sore. Skin stinging. ... 1/1/19 Awake after 3 hrs from discharge I assume. Got up an hour later. Might have round 2 or not to get my sleep back on schedule. The medical situation with Chris has been fixed right up following my message to Danielle. Mom followed that up with christine's ability to get after them. Same old emotional abuse in the form of invalidation. Claire turned out exactly the same rather than the REAL help this family is way overdue on. Wondering if anyone in Times Square or other places have been infected. Someone doesn't give a shit my life was slammed in2 a mack truck. On2 round 2. ... christine's different level of lack of planning came through today when she called to ask if we could all go to lunch. There was plenty of time for us to pick her up when she called too and since I was driving it wouldn't have been a problem. If we got Chris into the car though there would be no place to put her wheelchair. I'm the one that said "we need more notice" after mom pushed me off the conversation I had been having with Christine. Control freak at its best but you know this situation didn't have to be all about that. After dad's death, if mom felt; she could have gone back to her own country with us "admitting defeat." Defeat to what? Who knows but more than 1 immigrant would rather go back to their own country whereas mom says she came here to stay. After staying up after 3:08A.M. I heard a car beep, a first responder siren go off, and some yelling. Times Square probably wouldn't be infected because they don't have my online stalker. Maybe? All evidence is here waiting. I have to look up what it means when the body feels hot and cold at the same time. Infection taking over? (My research revealed it could be a fever (from infection)). My methods are not curing the situation given to me mid to late August 2018. ... It looks like this message was sent twice. Mom got up to use the bathroom at 4:15am which is an hour earlier than usual. Mom watched the ball drop by herself because christine decided she wasn't going to festivities and we all went to bed here. They should warn christina aguillera was on last so people can plan accordingly. On the way home last night I reminded mom why I had the milk and cookies party at our house new years Eve 1986 when she told the aid how her and my dad made a big deal out of New Years. I was the one stuck home watching mom cry. Where was Claire?... Me and mom got in a tiff last night when hearing the oldest of the non-handicapped child I was compared to upon my8month discharge from a Children's hospital, has oldest children in the party stage. The aid wanted to know what happened and I said triggers of what our medical lives have endured. Had she never called last night no trigger would have gone off. I'm almost numb enough from round 2 for sleep. Pee'd (in pain - not uti) and going to sleep just having flashbacks when AM was worried her oldest possibly freak child in America was going to wind up the next ted bundy (but turned out an engineer for the government). ... One prediction for 2019 is that a new HIV type thing will come out of Switzerland. It's entirely possible that's what I have. It's entirely possible Switzerland is doing business with Canada and Potsdam just over the border is the U.S. tie. I have so much stinging pain! B4 I told the aid there's nothing wrong with the ruckus she heard. It's normal life around here. I had 5 different things I was doing and when I had to go to the bathroom I put the pan on the counter which fell so I beat mom to the punch of her screaming "what's that???!!! My nerves!!!" and while I was in the bathroom I hear the aid coming out and try to tell mom to tell her it's nothing. So I rush my stinging pee time to go explain and reiterate it's nothing. Mom comes to her own defense and I say "Ma just b4when the cutting board and pan (top) fell you didn't (and I emulated it just like it happened earlier)???" No response. I told the aid "that's what we grew up with." Flashback to when I inappropriately(?) shared information with people in Potsdam about the time in 3rd grade that I was sitting at the kitchen table while mom was napping within sight on the couch and the napkin holder I was toying with fell onto it's back on the table and mom did the same jump and scream "What's that?!?!" No one to take the pressure off that I'm not the problem. I have to keep scratching in the back where most of the discharge is and the whole area from top to bottom is raw soreness. STDs are "professionally" administered. ... So the all-included Txt I sent to Claire and all else 2 wks ago has come to fruition. Something went wrong with mom's credit including being charged $60 bcoz she's paying4the aid via credit card. I guess a pymt didn't go thru because the card is maxed out and the emergency contact, Claire, got contacted. Anyone going to take care of this yet where all 3 adults are included in my sister's care? Obviously Claire distancing herself from this house yet being made sole other guardian is a real problem. ...

Yeah so I call back Chris to tell the untrained jackasses at the front desk to call her sister so Chris calls Claire who knows nothing about what is happening. I call Chris and tell her what to do and Chris has no idea what she did wrong. That's mom's brainwashing in christine's NOT best interests. Now mom is waiting to speak to her nurses station. Now mom is requesting them to give her tylenol because it sounds like she has a cold. When I did speak to Chris tonight she sounded frustrated she didn't know what sister to call. That's the doing of an immigrant loose cannon in this country while our lives flounder.We had salvagable lives and we were left to this. I'm late getting to sleep from this disturbance adrenaline. ... 1/2/19 Day here is much shorter due to modern technology problems. So now the Switzerland-Canada-Potsdam connection has taken my passion away from the black community doing this pain to me. That is expected when you are living an inappropriate life. The mind can wonder all over. It's not for me to investigate though. I can't seem to help myself. If people won't listen to me, my info has to go some place. ... 1/3/19 Well bcoz I'm out of sleeping meds and got woken up after 2 hours sleep almost 3 hrs ago I won't be doing as planned today. New situation is that after throwing up earlier I'm getting a sharp pain on my right backish area probably due to the 2 fish bones I swallowed by accident earlier tonight. Don't know if they can break themselves down or bleed me internally. More than 1 person could have saved this life. ... 1/4/19 So we have another clue. Stop & shop merging with Kilcullen all salt who is supposedly retired. Is king kullen innocent, terrorized, or guilty? Is Kilcullen an innocent bystander? in on this? innocent? terrorizing? guilty? ... 1/5/19 Spoke 2chris 2nite who said she had on the white stockings bcoz her dresser couldn't find the black ones. Left Danielle a msg I need2b added 2her care so I can hand wash them4her if that's the problem. All medical stockings in this house call4hand washing. ... When Claire was so air headedly talking to mom, I started talking loud with "r we having fun yet?..." and how convenient - Claire just got home at 7:30 pm and is tired so got off the phone. ... 1/6/19 I think I got enough sleep for the day even at 1:30 in the morn but getting up now would defeat the purpose unless I have round 2 which will make me late for an 11am event that was never advertised but I know about word of mouth. ... round2 won out. I'm mad at myself for forgetting to do for Chris what I told her I would of calling Danielle and leaving her a message that yet again, 1/5, they couldn't find the black stockings which her medical life cannot afford. I don't know why I didn't simply just do it before. I see that I started to. My dream tonight was me in charge of editing tv shows but none of them would end easily or have a smooth transition because I refused to edit into politeness or fakeness. Being that people were to end their scene naturally the process took much longer. In waking life I could try setting my alarm for 5am for 2 more hrs of sleep but that will probably make phone die quicker. ... After telling mom about 2 pairs for christine I reminded mom tonight (last night) how she would have 2 pairs of medical stockings - one to be used while the other was hang drying. Her response? "Well that was long ago." And the point is???? I also told Chris tonight it's not to get her upset but to get her the care she needs to have me included in her care. "Do you want your leg to stay swollen?" "No." "Do you want to walk?" "Yes." Well mom and Claire are not doing what u need medically so you need to speak up. I told her I would call Danielle but christine's understanding of her is not going to save her. Smfh 1/7/19 Awake at 2am but onto round2bcoz didn't sleep until 9:30pm. Me and mom got in a tiff about something that the aid walked away from. I only remember right now that I was not having it that mom's lies would take prevalence over our lives so that mom's incompetent answers would not have final say. I was so worked up ... ok I remember I think it was an escalation from mom talking about going on an airplane by herself. I thought that was already settled when I said "progress" about her saying things like she MIGHT go so I can't remember the escalation. I just know we are left in this incompetence. I had2drink more than usual to calm down. I do remember the aid said Claire said at christine's dr appt that she's not coming here to pick up the christmas presents. That's the Claire avoidance I know. She can't handle the embarassment, among else, of being wrong so she'll chalk it up as what the Word teaches of staying away from stressors that dampen the spirit bcoz to do and doubt is worse than not doing anything at all. She's had plenty of years to wake up that her teachings that doubt has no place inside brain damage rehabilitation. These tiffs with mom are like harassment just like mom has threatened the aid she'll get someone else when the aid has already said that's fine and I chimed in the aid has already agreed to end the job if that is what mom wishes - so mom's continuation of saying without doing is harassment. Smdh - that sounds so similar as Claire's teachings on doubt. Just like Claire was totally fine with her kids not going to their only grandfather's wake/funeral bcoz of spiritual belief. The one wake/funeral Claire did go to was that of my godfather who gave her away at her wedding bcoz her own godfather on my father's side of the family refused. I'm left with nothing. My cousin retired from the fbi, kilcullen retired from the case, career retirements rather than firings of those that handled me wrong. I'll be here keeping you exposed. No one's going to work for my cause. Really???? ... My inability to formulate a sentence under questionable circumstances: It was obvious at the PO I'm not used to doing money orders and I pointed that out and a joke was made about being a rookie. Does that mean they know who I am and my error about the cops that came to the house? or does that mean it's just a phrase being said since there's a new TV show on with that notion? As I drove by the deli today I forgot to pay attention to it's status but the last time it was the same that the "for sale" sign is gone from the house acroos the street that built a garage by the wall and that could mean it's sold, they took it off the market, or they wished to have it for sale without a sign. The for rent sign is still there at the house next to the deli and the deli has all signs down and is not in business. What does all this mean? This morning I had to have Christine call the house yet again because as usual we were not put through to the right extension. Left Danielle a message she again had on the wrong stockings yesterday but the right ones today. That an easy way to solve the hit and miss proper medical care of my sister is to simply add me to her care. That Christine's new wheelchair is not yet fixed because the wheelchair place is refusing to take on the billing responsibilty to insurance. That I'm wondering why Christine doesn't have a leg lift on her chair especially for the swelling. Of course that could be, due to her functioning with one hand it would be even more difficult for her to navigate. I was surprised they had dressed her so early. She had eaten AND gotten dressed before 8:30 am. ... My pain I'm not commenting on because it's still the same. Doesn't go away. Soreness, discharge, etc. Am I sterile yet? Any arrests yet? ... oh and today the aid said I'm a princess because my mother gives me all I need. WRONG. I explained all I needed changed on one day in seconds in 1978. She gives all that will make the situation look like there is nothing wrong. For instance she was proudly saying all was fine while I was in college but as time progressed and my life was going nowhere due to the medical needs gone by the way side, her only outcome is I'm a problem. It is really frustrating to have another immigrant support mom based on not really understanding the needs of American life. ... 1/11/19 Well well well well I'm sitting here working on the transcript involving the Nigerian Nuclear Regulatory Authority which I started in the beginning of August and I turn around to see who is sitting behind me and it looks just like him just like the girl on the kit KAT commercial looks just like someone here many times. Like I said the black community of the University needs to be investigated. Is that my internet stalker/bioterrorist that has (or is related to) me in much daily pain that any normal person would not even be here? I am in so much sore pain. SO MUCH PAIN. ... that guy comes in late at night usually.

1/13/18 Just had another out with mom. Earlier when I got my coffee I let mom know Danielle has been notified about mom's total irresponsibility re: spending money needlessly for a 24/7 aid when she could be spending a lot less money with the same company for some hours a day. Of course with mom's attitude it escalated and our last words were "sure as if I'm lying for what I need for sleep". Eventually the aid comes out and says to mom I'm driving her crazy and "stop that" so I go out and clarify starting with the dream I had with her/her daughter last night. I said to the aid "do u know what DDD is?" And she said "yes" and I said "what is it?" and she said "I don't know." Typical immigrant! But I ignored that and went on to tell her I qualified for DDD at 18 but mom did nothing about it so now because of how my life turned out w/o those things now my life is being used against me. Mom said Claire already asked this agency for someone available non 24/7 but no one is available. As the aid was walking to help mom get dressed mom starts talking about the weather. I yell out to mom that's EXACTLY what she did for years instead of taking care of these issues. Anyway I told Danielle to go to google and type youtube as one word and MaryJaneButler as one word and she can see the latest playlist I'm putting together about guardianship abuse and the dis-service judge wilson did to this family. I used to play hopscotch, jump rope, and kickball games w Christine, and we were entitled to the brain injury rehabilitative lives afterward. The hell I'm keeping quiet about this. Growing up in this house after was ALWAYS about getting better. Out of 3 surviving children only 1 gets a guardianship 30 years later. Surely something there says something is wrong. B4 I went back to my room mom said "I'll do whatever I want" and I said to the aid "see..." and I laid out the things mom is getting away with at the expense of her children's lives. I had a long dream about the aid. After hearing last night a non 24/7 aid is available. DREAM: When it was decided she would no longer be working here 2 men driving Motor bikes went to work on it. I see them driving away. About a week later the aid and her daughter come to visit dressed in nice purple hats, coats, and dresses. I was eager to hear her daughter speak to hear her American accent. She spoke with an american accent. In another setting it turns out the aid's work is at the mercy of a sorority who told her there is a problem with her work of talking too loud and I immediately said I want to talk to someone about that because my mother refuses to get a hearing aid. I caught one sorority member passing by with short blond hair and she nodded yes that she could get me someone but no one came. My pain is stinging, very painful, and itch and discharge of the assault done to me mid to late August 2018 at stop & shop with all evidence waiting but which trip comes first? To the dr or the police station or both? ... It feels good to be open and free with my nephews and I asked him to help fix the stuck wheel on my wheelchair. I bent the chair back and showed him how the back wheels flow freely and the one front does even though it has hair wrapped around it. I was surprised to hear his friend knew christopher through a church because Christopher's parents don't belong to a church - they belong to The Way International - so I inquired further and it turns out his father had gone to a TWIG mtg but didn't stick with it so it sounds like. They met once years ago and then reconnected some time later. The friend asked me the name of the organization again and I said The Way International and it was started by dr victor paul Wierewille who died in the 1980s. I could hear mom start to "pffft" in the next room as I spoke. (I constantly remind mom that no other suburban girl goes around knowing what a "Guiney" is and that she taught me "cult.)" He said he just knows it happens in houses and I said "Yep that's the one." I was so grateful to have my wheel flow freely again even though it probably needs some oil. His friend said the Wd40 we have wouldn't be for that. He said the wheels need to flow freely as it was obvious one wheel was free of hair. I said that's practically impossible in this house. Sometimes I just lose my mind since receiving a surprise letter from the surrogate's court and start inappropriately going through our history. I did not do that this time. I'm floored by how much we are not Claire's concern. ... The pain is so so bad. It burns when not itching. This is so bad! Prison or my death. ... 1/14/19 So Danielle got a message Saturday night and Sunday morning. I had to call back and make sure all facts were correct. I let her know I have an infection and I'll go to a doctor when the lives of us children are taken care of as should be. I love having the aid around but not this inactivity/incompetence of mom to plan or see ahead or something. I'm in so much pain! ... yeah so maybe I need to watch what natural things I buy because the 1 box (how ironic) of the herb that's supposed to cure anything (only from it's native land) doesn't seem to be helping me. I'm in so much pain!!! ... 1/16/19 So I will have to see about transferring in stuff from yesterday. When mobile it was the same crap that suddenly to log in to Yahoo it required you say which pictures have a car in it but then it gave no way to continue to log in. Sure, another way for an American named middle eastern male in California to get your password or other thing that is yours to keep. So today I see the one University student that ONLY sits at one computer at same computer. That means they have much knowledge of what can go wrong with computer download info or the like. My pain has been so bad I found myself screaming in the bathroom both last night and today. The aid this morning said there is a name they would call me in her country and asked me if I knew what it meant. I said no. It started with what sounded like "coco" and she wouldn't repeat it. Whatever it is, it is the same as anyone else in that we have nothing to discuss unless I am seen from the perspective of a former injured child of the right frontal lobe of the brain and all else of life started from there. My ex gets it. That's how, with so many years of problems in our relationship, the last thing he wanted to do was talk after our first meeting with a brain injury counselor. I talk but I guess he just wasn't ready so he threw the orange juice he had in his hand all over the car. When I sold the car for parts so I could pay an overdue landline phone bill (instead of what normal people do of selling the car for more money) I didn't leave the Irish sweater wrapped around the stick shift so that they probably concluded it freezes. That's only half true. It's covered in sticky orange juice and works like it's summer time in the winter time with an Irish sweater wrapped around it. Anyway, all our 7 or 8 years at the time all made sense in the understanding of sypmtoms arising from a right frontal lobe injury. Flashback of mighty mouse telling me I need psychiatry. Ha! What a brain injury genius! Yeah right. The aid says my legal name many times and she needs to be careful due to HIPPA laws. She really does. From my "CIA" perspective, she doesn't know that probably her phone is a monitoring device partly because she's not a citizen of this country. That's another way confidentiality is out the window with our lives. People who come here and barely understand the language do not feel bound. Upstate NY doesn't feel bound just because it's upstate NY. Today the pretty better-off-actress Mexican female handed me the wrong order after the first one handed me the wrong order. Last time I got a chocolate chunk cookie instead of the double chocolate chunk one I asked for so this time I rephrased it as "a chocolate chocolate chunck cookie" and I looked before driving away so of course it was wrong. She handed me an order that wasn't mine so I handed it back and the one waiting on me handed her my cookie without putting it in a bag so I had to ask. She picked up a used bag and handed it to me. I could have hung around this situation more by saying "and napkins please?" but I didn't. I put the cookie in the used bag muttering "go back to Mexico" thinking I'm waiting to die without a job or justice anyway so it doesn't matter. ... and sure enough non-mobile yahoo works just fine. So if it's still the same as history, mobile will now work correctly but I have lots to do and will check later. ... Yesterday I saw (and lately I've seen more than usual) trucks in the area and one of them said "Spreading." Unsure of the weather we were supposed to have I wondered if it was pre-treating the roads. I have to look into the pretreating used in NJ. The oil and gas frack industry is supposed to be supplying radioactive brine treatment for those things. The latest obvious one that I know of was the threat to Ohio. ... I'm stressed thinking about what will happen with the upcoming snowstorm. THIS TIME(?) will I be able to freely say to the plow guy "You will have to help me shovel around my car in order for me to move it. I am handicapped" since my mother is out to lunch in that area. I don't need him to drive over snow either since I still have the missing heat shield. grrr just the thought of the stress! It could all be taken care of by family. After Christopher took the tree down my mother gave him money anyway. I hope he shared it with his friends who SO helped me out with the wheelchair I'm using. ... This morning's dream, the last dream I can remember, was me traveling up NYS with the rental car as in looking at the highway map of where I'd go and I think it was a Syracuse destination. So I'm driving in a city and blocking me (and some how I drove into it) was the white door of a van. When the impact happened I got out to see the damage and it was just a vehicle door with no vehicle to it. I looked for damage specifically keeping in mind this was a rental car. No damage. I get back in the car and as if I lost control of the car via black ice the vehicle slams me into a giant billboard that has lots of white. I get out of the (red?) car and see there is obvious damage this time as the passenger side of the muffler (by the front passenger tire) is hanging down. Now I have a double mess of explaining damage to the rental place while my own car is being fixed from being slammed into. End of dream (that I can remember). ... same excruciating pain that if I was home I'd be screaming it out. There's sick mother fuckers out there that can't accept a woman's body for what is and find this laughable but this is no joke whether the body belongs to me or someone better looking. It must be the inflammation or irritation caused the need for itching internally. I'll just keep reporting until justice is done or I'm dead. ... Thank you to Sunny Hostin for pointing out the Canadian pourous border. I forget now how many of the 9/11'ers came down through Canada. ... transferred in after this intermittent disruption(s) in Yahoo mobile. Once you log in non-mobile it's all fixed: 1/16/19 3:53am The shit in this country is obvious on yahoo again only I've no father since age12 2 protect me. I select the pics it tells me to prove I'm not a bot but also have to select and paste the link in the box below but then there is no way to continue. All that is is some middle eastern male with a hard on thinking he will victimize the next innocent who calls and gives away their password to get back in2 their acct (been there done that). Their american name doesn't fit their middle eastern accent but they'll just lie about that too. Keep in mind how many times I said "terrorist" lately. Do we have terrorists working in homeland security yet? As a matter of fact there's a typo in my blog of "bot" instead of "not." Maybe I will keep it that way for a while or maybe the success of my bioterrorist act has altered their plans. I woke up1am and waiting2sleep @3am. The trump supporter outside thePOrecently has me knowing how naive people r 2 northern border corruption. Awake still past3:30am and adding more4sleep. Burn itch pain discharge from the bioterrorist who got me. 1/17/19 Wow it just dawned on me what I never saw coming. Trouble is just that thinking they are helping by putting people off or creating distrust. All of a sudden I got what they're doing. People are trying to help. He is no good to say the least. He can't appreciate help and is only going to cause bigger problems. All of a sudden spirit entered my thinking and I understood. I also have to keep in mind good guidance he's gotten from the very same people I pledge allegiance to. I, though, have a certain amount of wisdom but feel he has a certain amount of need-to-make-trouble. It really feels like a dark spot. As dark as the pain I'm in every day from the bioterrorist at Stop & Shop that did this to me. Paramus closed down hmmm. Wayne and Butler are where the biological weapon happened. ... 1/18/19 Or atleast I understand in my own way. Woke up at the 4 hr mark, 5 hr mark, and doing round 2 at the 6 hr mark and I think it was discharge that woke me up bcoz I felt pain. I wish spirit spoke to me more often like it did yesterday. Accept there really is darkness in hearts. I witnessed a blatant lie or with holding of info yesterday towards someone and it has more to do with "go away bcoz even though I act like I trust u for help I'm going to keep u type of people away from my people." Darkness some don't realize is there. Maybe they realize it's there but feel trapped. Anyway my life didn't have to be what it became when realizing the reality of no longer having sisters to make sense of life on top of an immigrant widow left to run loose in this country brought to a higher level of confidence by judge deanne m wilson and left to be assaulted by a silent bioterrorist who had something to do with access to a private conversation I had on G+, removed and put back my specific item, and then a light blue color lint started showing up in the shower. Probably the 4th day I started saving the lint. Waiting as part of the evidence. Another clue is Paramus stop & shop closed. Biological weapon came from Wayne or butler stop & shop. There are many things I could accomplish in this life and a bioterrorist knows it too. Using some mainstream medicine as of late to help with the pain. There was a social cue that happened today (yesterday) that I guess comes down on me but if you think about it they played their own part in tremendous rudeness when considering all I sacrifice 4them. Nothing really more to talk about. Knowing terror has become silent. ... so it was really pathetic what happened today with mom. As I was in the shower I heard "coco" alot so afterward, when the aid called me princess I insisted to know from the aid what it ("coco...") means. She didn't want to discuss it but I kept prodding and sure enough it was my guess to her yesterday of "brat." She said "spoiled girl" in the best English she could. I laid out the best example I could think of that mom pays whatever to fend off "medical." I used the example when I started driving. I said how mom took part in buying me a new car so that with the accidents and it being totalled it all just became a matter of paying for another one (which was actually my insurance settlement money that was never protected - and actually my fiasco is even bigger when mom did nothing about recouping money over recalled Ford anti-lock brakes which caused my first accident - basically mom had no business being entirely responsible for us). Mom tried to out her responsibility of saying I had driving school. I pointed out the driving school was not special needs and my life flashed before my eyes that my only guardian refused to accept I'm special needs. I made very clear that when I went to college I took full advantage of the special needs having only recieved a diagnosis the previous year at my insistence and mom drove me to the diagnosis. I also told the aid all the money that was spent for me to go to catholic school post accident and mom started with the defense that my father was around then and I was like "yeah right mom. Your an old fashioned Irish woman in America and you're going to accept anything other than me going to Catholic school." What a liar! The aid doesn't realize she's the deaf leading the blind when it comes to this. It is not I get what I need. It is the utter refusal to take on a medical responsibility (so that I get what is appropriate) and just keep paying money of the rich man she married to keep taking care of things she will not accept. I have nothing but deeep curse wishes for the judge that approved this rape of our lives when, after all this time of doing the only things needed to get by, halted us from coming full-circle with modern brain injury knowledge. Claire no longer has to live under brain washing; Christine no longer has to live with "I'm trying to get my right side working again" but rather do things available that help that. Me, I don't know - I've been doing "brain therapy" for a very long time with online games and other strategies that are all about injured brain recuperation like my left hemiplegia. I do different things to try to become ambidextrous. By doing things with my left hand it is making the right side of the brain work. When it comes to typing I would all the time envision typing out words that I would say. It really became a way of life for a long time and is the only way I became mediocre at typing. It doesn't sound like Christine is having stocking problems anymore so the messages I left Danielle about the history of this house of us owning 2 pairs and handwashing was put into practice and after my knowledge being used I'm just thrown away like the week's garbage. ... I was surprised this morning the excruciating pain that makes me scream in the bathroom didn't happen. It happened again just before I got here. ... itching blood discharge. Investigate Paramus? ... If my bioterrorist is the guy from the Nigerian Nuclear Regulatory Authority in my community, he just walked out of the computer lab 6pm or 5:59pm today wearing a blue baseball cap and glasses. ... BURNING SHOOTING PAIN FROM COUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... PAIN JUST SITTING HERE FROM FRONT DISCHARGE!!! And if NNRA is here they started going in and out the back instead of the front. Hit me with your best shot bastard! Your mother didn't give birth to you just so you could "sodomize" a woman's body with terror you jackass. Fuck your delusions of grandeur. ... 1/19/19 I am in screaming pain today. I let it all out when home. Can't seem to stop the pee pain. Iritation from itching. Looks like I'll have 3 days to scream it out due to the storm. ... 1/21/19 Time 4a new email. Got woken after 1hr sleep due2not closing my door so by the time the aid raised her voice questioning the irregularity of my light on I was already awake. Did round 2 not too long later and woke up again 3:40am it turns out by mom yelling for someone to close the front door that the wind blew open because it wasn't closed correctly. Should I chance round3? Something is going my way perhaps with the weather like this. That's just been the trend since about 2001. Everyone remembers the winter of 2000? No snow & clear blue sky days. But i hadnt lost my life yet. I remember. All I remember and all potential just sitting here rotting away. No one saved me. Now the victim of a bioterrorist at stop & shop. I didn't want to die in pain. Question is if this will kill me. ... Round 3won out. The aid must keep getting woken up by the loose gait in the back of the house that mom never asked christopher to fix. She probably wasn't thinking ahead to a night like this. I don't remember the dream I was woken out of but it involved a white female possibly with brown-red hair. That would probably fit the description of the eldest child of the southern comfort harasser who took away (CORRECTION! aided in taking away) my future. I just had a flashback I can't remember. All I was going to do and I remember the JW I studied with saying "That place is sucking the life right out of you!" She was right. That's not the flashback I remember but I remember the local JWs said they didn't feel anything out of place in my house. The dog wouldn't go in the basement. That says something. When is this assault done on me going away? I - forgot - hit save draft in case phone died & can't remember. Someone's vehicle started at 4:47 am. Could it b across the street? That brings me to what happened a few days ago. I started crying "that's what I needed" as I saw the oldest child get into the driver's seat and dad got in the passenger seat. Life flash as I - anyway I laughed at myself as I found myself doing what many gossipy people (particularly women) do. After they returned I noticed dad's car behind hers so that mom and dad were boxing her in. Over protective dad? Over a girl that gives no indication she needs to be controlled like that? Eventually I realized it was the practicality of moving the vehicle from in front of the garage so he could drive his plow out in the impending storm. The difference between me and gossipers is I refuse to participate even if my life is the expense and so we have what we do today in which the black community at the university knows something and I wait to die in (sometimes) excrutiating pain. Today (yesterday) as I struggled physically 2remove snow from behind my car I shoveled bent over so that I was face level with a dog being walked by. It's nice to be visited by a dog. The owner was saying something to the dog as going by but no eye contact with me which is fine. I'm in far too much distress to be friendly(?). The dog already probably knows the sad state humans can be. We have realities in this house I insist on addressing that mom and Claire have long since abandoned. Claire had a child and lost her mind. As I told my Ireland cousin when here, if that is what it means to have kids, I don't want kids. My cousin is completely comfortable with not wanting kids. Not me! I'm living the unnatural. For so long I wondered what damage I did to her. I remember exact details and it never would have happened had I not been in that Children's hospital. So in the end this all comes down to shit that a bioterrorist got me as if I'm deserving of all. Just blew my congested nose and lost all thoughts. It's now 5:27am and round 3 doesn't seem to be working as well as round 2. I had well-wishers but it was more like candy coated corruption and I wait to die out of westchester county. I did ask for help investigating morris county but will I finally b paid attention to? Pain in my body every so often and maybe it's an end of times sign that silent corruption going on where no one would suspect would be exposed. Canada is supposed to be our friendly neighbor. Who would ever think? Potsdam sandstone built canada's capital's parliament buildings. That means something. It's now 5:40am and I'm either going to sleep or suffer more. ... 1/22/19 Claire you were not going to be the first person I was going to speak to on here tonight - the language barrier drama queen we had today was. If you're not a scumbag to your original family you need to stop acting like one. It really shines how much you've abandoned your original family. The "background noise" you complained about and why you had to get off the phone because you couldn't hear mom, you know was me filling in the information that we had someone today that lied they are fluent in English. Mom wasn't even talking at the time. Mom was used to a normal regular thing families do. But you're that far gone. You really should get a diagnosis. Even though background noise was a thing we all suffered from before the accident, that does not take away from brain damage. Hyperacusis does happen to people after brain damage. Were you around the house to witness Christine's bionic hearing after the accident? You were that absent so I wouldn't know. You were so absent from my life it killed me to hear one of my best friends say she never met you. Now to the drama queen: if you're going to make it in America you need to not lie in front of your boss that you speak English because once they are no longer there it's obvious you're not fluent. Crying on the phone because you feel so bad??? That's ok. It's good to be conscientious but do not cry like I was mean to you. You didn't understand the directions I gave you nor directions other people were giving you so, you know, don't make your illegal immigrant status so damn obvious. My god we would have a better world if someone would get me productively involved in it. But NYS rumors about me won out and then the bioterrorist tied into Stop&Shop had me wondering if I was even going to make it here today. When mom looked embarrassed I was talking about that today, I had to remind her that the cyanide poisonings in the Tylenols of the 80s were a reality. Her level of understanding said "the manufacturers" when in reality it doesn't matter if it was the manufacturer or taking off the shelves and putting back up. The reality of it matters. Anyway I might get to updates later. ... 1/23/19 No time for updates yesterday. So we have new clues of the possible arrest suspect(s) of the assault on my person but I'll get back to that. A pattern is emerging about my mother's transportation. She calls yesterday to make sure all is ok for today and is told the exact time she's down for. No one shows today and I call and they say she's not on the schedule at all. That is similar to last week she received a call of the pick-up time and I had to call when they were not there and she was given the wrong time. Same pattern happened with her credit card that I use when I have to do some shopping for her. The bank had her down for possible cancelling of her card for non-payment continuously by giving her an automated call for her to call them right away. She never got a bill. She pays bills when she gets her bills. Either someone at the post office is with holding that specific card or someone in the company is putting down when the bill was mailed and never mailed it. After this had been happening for some time I had to call to say she's not getting a bill and tada! it shows up. Then sometime later it starts happening again. This is when I learned she's up for suspension and I said "You know what she's thinking of leaving you by cancelling the card but it's up to her and she'll decide what she's going to do." I think the problem has been solved. Just like I noticed the attitude of the female at the new liquor store changed after she'd probably seen my signature because I didn't have cash. So if you watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQyBHTTqb38 you will see how not only the mainstream media completely twisted the story initially (or perhaps it was the preachers you see in this video) but these are the type of people found bullying me when I first started my community as seen in this post: https://plus.google.com/115878626325277406649/posts/4GF1kA2fhaU. I've been told that the things said in this post sound just like guys who stand on corners in Newark doing the same thing sounding just like that. In the full video you hear how he talks to the kids. My ex (Mr. emulator) used to sometimes go into a rant sounding just like that. My ex worked with all kinds of guys in a factory and many times reminded me of a Queens-man-wannabe. I'm sure there were other guys there other than Queens and at 1:35:18 you start hearing the tone of voice which is the exact of my ex at times in making a point. It's also like the tone of voice you see at 2:59 in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C19-mTsHZbA. Last night as I was sitting here a male of this calibur was in front of me. Hasn't everyone watched that movie from long ago with Meg Ryan and the popularity of "You've Got Mail!" I never saw it but I assume it has to do with candy-coated stalking and I remember it has something to do with speaking to her over email and they're not far away. As I've said before, the black community at the university needs to be investigated for the arrest of the assault upon my person. My ex used to say with good intention what his father taught him that there is no difference in black and white and my stance has always been that there are cultural differences (now I understand that I was talking "at least in America)." I've lived as a white minority among a population of 95% black and have been the receiver of racial anger(?) more than once. As far as waking up in a children's hospital all alone with children and families of all races and backgrounds, that also had an effect on my understandings I would think. Will see if I have time to put updates like recently seeing the reality of what I needed a father for and crying. ... Just in case my comment disappears: "SMDH. Any religion is the problem! The violence in the bible that is from the Middle Eastern area continents had no business leaving the continents when it sailed across the Atlantic. Native Americans were just fine without that bible (imo). It's actually a good reminder of how history should have happened on the protected island of India back in November, 2018: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/nov/21/american-killed-isolated-indian-tribe-north-sentinel-island. Listening to this it totally is "a lack of understanding in what they're leading." I have a personal relationship with God and I don't belong to any religion. I wouldn't be any person to have any type of personal relationship with anything had not God "breathed" life into me. The type of saving this gang member got could have been gotten through any other type of religion so there blows this theory that it's all that. Funny how Native America is not mentioned in the "religious freedom" and it was "built by immigrants." They built a Dupont or any other type of chemical destruction and ruined the water God provides to drink! They built to accommodate for the buildings they wish to live in and destroyed the abundance of trees that give life and an ecosystem. I'm totally not sold on this AT ALL. One man's freedom is the stealing of another man's freedom don't you think?" from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOdu-lXCPFI "Why Latinos Are Converting to Islam VICE". ... 1/24/19 Today was one of those days I absolutely lost my mind at the silent absence of an adequate guardian we needed. She grows more silent by the day. Maybe I did or didn't record that mom only brushes her teeth sometimes and does not floss and Christine started doing the same thing before 5 years ago. As always Christine lives as mom says/does. Does that mean it's good for her? I live in the house everyday and totally lost it when again mom completely denied that was ever the case. I started out the conversation with "So what about Christine brushing her teeth everyday now that she's going to lose a tooth." - paraphrase. Her putting me off as crazy saying no such thing existed made me lose it. She even told me that Christine's answer of "No. Sometimes" to "Aren't you going to brush your teeth?" was a lie. Throughout history since I can remember mom always denies certain realities ever existed. That is a provoking of me as my ability to live in the reality I was sent to after a hospital strikes my medically needy core and all Claire can say is mom did her best not recognizing the harassment. I really needed more than she could provide yet this is coming down on me as incapable and left out of my sister's care. In her forgetfulness mom was upset at how quickly we were going through toothpaste. I asked the aid if she was using ours and that was not the case. Then I learned mom is brushing twice a day. Oh! There's the answer. All that for nothing. All along it is mom's either forgetfulness of how life used to be or her embarrassment in admitting to living life like that. The other screaming in the house was the pain I'm enduring from the act of bioterror that was done to me mid to late August 2018 at Stop & Shop when a new metoo-movement-color lint started showing up in the shower. Very painful. Is someone going to do something about this life? Or just let it waste away? ... That's so incredibly sad VICE is one-sided. We can't look at an overall picture? ... 1/25/19 My day is extra late because of mom's transportation. I stayed extra because Christine would have gotten the short end of the stick after her transportation screwed up. Christine does not need an emergency room. I can almost guarantee her problem is orthopedic and not circulatory. Been there. Done that. In my case swelling was because walking a lot all of a sudden after years of little walking made for unprepared feet/legs. Of course the reading they took with that little sonogram thing on the leg showed nothing wrong. In Christine's case it's because she's being inappropriately cared for by a dingbat that thinks a nursing home provides all needs for it's patients. Claire isn't feeling good. Hmmm. Whatever. I should have time today to finally catch up. ... 1/27/19 So lots of people's time was wasted this week. The doctor's time was wasted when Christine's transportation never showed for her first appointment all of which I could have taken care of instead. It all worked out Mom told the doctor's office she can't take Chris to the ER because Christine doesn't need an ER. The emergency is the improper legal and medical care we were left in. No one took care of that. My time was wasted waiting for mom's late transporation to arrive so I could save time because mom's transportation made her late for the next doctor's appointment. And finally the doctor's appt was a waste because just like I said, this is an orthpedic issue and nothing is wrong with Christine other than she is under the care of Dr. Mob runner whose covering doctor is the one who left a bent bone in my leg at the emergency room who gave my father the referral of a dr in the city because the ER dr. said "This is beyond me" and the dr I was referred to who many times said he was afraid of what will happen with my growth plate, turned out to be the trainer of the dr who finally did an osteotomy on me 30 years too late. Did that dr. know at the time that Italy was doing osteotomies in the 80s? Based on history it is entirely possible, the suggestion was made to my mother who declined. What and who does she know in Italy??? smh. ... oh yes and I'm scared for Christine she's not going to get proper medical care following a procedure she is to have this week. Mom says all she can do is talk to the nurse down there to make sure Christine was getting the correct whatever. How easily she forgets that her talking to the nurses down there did not get Christine in the proper stockings. Only my phone calls to Danielle seem to have done it. I asked Chris if someone is hand-washing the stockings everyday and she doesn't know. smh. ... no one giving me justice before this blog existed and now the blog could be a factor for not getting it? smh. ... As far as pain from my bioterrorist goes, today was a good day in that I was able to clear the discharge as it came before I left the house. Even after I left the house at 1pm I was still doing good right up until a few minutes ago and I coughed so that discharge that hasn't been able to be cleared is making the whole area sore and painful so that when I coughed the pain was very bad. I've found a way to sometimes control the excruciating pain. Sometimes it's no use. This has been going on for over 5 months now. Today has been a disappointing day but what else is new? ... Oh yes and ... forgot. ... 1/28/19 I don't know why this transcript (fixed by me) was in caps but I won't even bother commenting on it right now: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGEw_pEj_eo
JESSE: TURNING NOW TO THE GROUP THAT INSTIGATED THE COVINGTON INCIDENT, THE BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITES. HERE THEY ARE IN WASHINGTON DC YELLING AT THE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.
BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITES: THAT'S "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN." A BUNCH OF CHILD MOLESTING FAGGOTS! LOOK AT ALL THESE DUSTY ASS CRACKERS WITH THAT RACIST GARBAGE ON. LOOK AT THESE DIRTY ASS CRACKERS. A BUNCH OF FUTURE SCHOOL SHOOTERS. THAT'S RIGHT. A BUNCH OF INCEST BABIES! A BUNCH OF BABIES MADE OUT OF INCEST! THE BIGGEST TERRORIST ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH IS THE PALE FACE MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD.
JESSE: THE BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITES ARE DESCRIBED AS A BLACK NATIONALIST HATE GROUP WITH MILITANT OVERTONES. THEY BELIEVE BLACKS ARE THE TRUE DESCENDANTS OF THE BIBLICAL ISRAELITES AND MANY OF THEIR SECTS ARE ANTI-WHITE. MANY HERE ON THE EAST COAST PRETTY FAMILIAR WITH THE GROUP WHO DRESS UP IN ROBES AND PREACH THEIR TEACHINGS ON STREET CORNERS. I HAPPENED TO CATCH UP WITH THEM IN PHILLY ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO.
PRESIDENT TRUMP. HOW YA FEELING ABOUT IT?
BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITE: HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT PRESIDENT TRUMP? I THINK THAT WHITE PEOPLE PUT HIM OFF PUT TRUMP IN OFFICE AND THAT WAS THE MAN THEY WANT TO DEAL WITH TO RULE OVER THEIR PEOPLE. BUT I THINK BLACK PEOPLE, HISPANICS, AND NATIVE AMERICANS HAVE A KING THAT THEY NEED TO OBEY. AND THIS IS WHAT MY POWER SAID. READ IN ACTS 5 AND 29.
BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITE: ACTS CHAPTER 5 AND 29! THEN PETER AND ALL THE APOSTLES ANSWERED AND SAID: 'WE OUGHT TO OBEY GOD RATHER THAN MEN...'
JESSE: JOINING ME NOW, Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL, A FORMER TEACHER AT CO?SHARIF Ben Yosayf ISRAEL. I DON'T THINK I GOT THE PRONUNCIATION EXACTLY CORRECT BUT I DID MY BEST. NOW YOU HEARD THE SOUND COMING FROM PEOPLE IN YOUR ORGANIZATION YELLING AT THESE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. DO YOU THINK THAT WAS APPROPRIATE?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL FIRST OF ALL UM THAT ORGANIZATION AH THAT YOU SPEAK OF IS NOT AH REPRESENTATIVE OF THE WHOLE NATION OF ISRAEL. WE'RE DESCENDANTS AH BY SEED, BY HERITAGE OF THESE PEOPLE CALLED ISRAEL.
JESSE: SO YOU CONDEMN THESE PEOPLE THAT WERE HURLING THAT KIND OF HATEFUL LANGUAGE AT THE STUDENTS?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS QUITE HATEFUL.
JESSE: IT WASN'T QUITE HATEFUL. CRACKERS, INCEST BABIES, CHILD MOLESTERS. WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THAT, LOVE?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL THEY HAVE A WAY AND A STYLE THAT THEY BRING THEIR MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE.
JESSE: THAT'S WHAT'S THAT MESSAGE THOUGH? THAT'S A HATEFUL MESSAGE.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: AH THAT'S THEIR STYLE.
JESSE: THAT'S THEIR STYLE AND IT'S PRETTY HATEFUL. COME ON, YOU'RE YOU'RE A SMART MAN.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: I'M NOT HATEFUL. I AM AN ISRAELITE BUT I'M NOT HATEFUL.
JESSE: OK WELL THAT WAS PRETTY HATEFUL. I THINK YOU WOULD AGREE THAT WAS HATEFUL LANGUAGE?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: THERE'S A LOT OF HATE IN AMERICA THAT'S NOT REALLY INITIATED BY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY 'ISRAELITE GROUPS LIKE THAT.'
JESSE: BUT YOU WOULDN'T AGREE WITH ME THAT THAT WAS HATEFUL LANGUAGE DIRECTED AT THE COVINGTON BOYS BY THIS BLACK ISRAELITE GROUP?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: I DON'T ? INITIATE THAT. WHAT DID WHAT DID THE AH CONFRONTATION BRING FORTH?
JESSE: OK. AH LISTEN I HAVEN'T SEEN ALL OF THE VIDEO. I'VE JUST SEEN WHAT WAS SAID TO THE COVINGTON BOYS. WE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE DIRECTED AT THE BLACK ISRAELITES.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: RIGHT SO IT'S BASICALLY SLANTED. WE DON'T KNOW WHY THEY RESPONDED IN THE WAY THEY DID. YOU JUST GIVING ME ONE SIDE OF THE STORY SO.
JESSE: OK. UM IS IT OKAY TO DISPARAGE OTHER ETHNICITIES IN THE BLACK ISRAELITE GROUP?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL YOU KEEP CALLING IT A GROUP. AH EVERY NATION HAS ...
JESSE: A RELIGION.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: IT'S NOT A RELGION. IT'S A NATIONALITY.
JESSE: OK. IS A NATIONALITY OKAY WITH DISPARAGING OTHER RACIAL GROUPS?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NO. NOT AT ALL.
JESSE: OK. THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: YES
JESSE: UM IS THERE A PROBLEM RIGHT NOW WITH THE BLACK ISRAELITES? DID THEY, ARE THEY ANGRY AT SOMETHING SPECIFIC? WHAT'S THE BEEF?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL FROM MY PERSPECTIVE WE'VE BEEN IN CAPTIVITY FOR 400 YEARS. WE'VE BEEN DENIED OUR HERITAGE, OUR LAND. AH WHAT RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO US AS A PEOPLE. WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR 400 YEARS. WE'VE HAD AH MISEDUCATION IN REGARDS TO WHAT BELONGS TO US NATIONALLY OR ETHNICALLY. AH AS SERVANTS CITIZENS TO THIS COUNTRY.
JESSE: SO WHAT BELONGS TO YOU SPECIFICALLY?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: SPECIFICALLY WHAT BELONGS TO US IS THE LAND.
JESSE: IN AMERICA.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NO.
JESSE: IN ISRAEL.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: ABSOLUTELY.
JESSE: OK SO YOU HERE ARE IN AMERICA AND YOU WANT THE LAND IN ISRAEL TO BE GIVEN BACK TO YOU?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: ABSOLUTELY.
JESSE: BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IT'S RIGHTFULLY YOURS.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: ABSOLUTELY.
JESSE: OK SO YOU YOU PROBABLY HAVE TO FIGHT WITH THE PALESTINIANS OVER THAT.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL IT'S A FIGHT...
JESSE: CAUSE THEY THINK IT'S THEIR'S TOO.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: SO A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK IT'S THEIR'S BUT PROPHECY SAYS THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL WILL RETURN TO THEIR LAND FROM THE SCATTERED PLACES THAT WE'VE BEEN SCATTERED.
JESSE: OK. UM YOUR GROUP HAS BEEN CALLED A HATE GROUP?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL YOU KEEP SAYING 'MY GROUP.' THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL CAME OVER HERE IN SLAVE SHIPS AND WE'RE IN CHURCHES, WE'RE IN MOSQUES, WE'RE IN VARIOUS RELIGIOUS DOCTRINES THAT HAVE BEEN PERPETRATED ON US AS A CAPTIVE SLAVE BODY OF PEOPLE AND THIS PROCESS OF AWAKENING TO KNOW WHO WE ARE, OUR ROOTS ARE, AH HAS TAKEN ON MANY FACTIONS AND BASICALLY THEY'VE BEEN FORMULATED INTO RELIGIOUS CONCEPTS WHERE ETHNICALLY, NATIONALLY, WE'RE DESCENDANTS BY OUR SEED, OUR HERITAGE, BY BIRTH ...
JESSE: OK.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: ...OF THE NATION OF ISRAEL.
JESSE: ALRIGHT SO, IN GENERAL, NOT TALKING ABOUT COVINGTON RIGHT NOW, BUT IN GENERAL, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHITE AMERICANS WEARING MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN HATS?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NOT AT ALL.
JESSE: NOT AT ALL.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL THAT INCIDENT UM HIGHLIGHTED WHAT THE PROBLEM IS WITH AMERICA TODAY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NATIVE AMERICANS WHO ARE SPEAKING OUT IN REGARDS TO WHAT, WHAT TRANSPIRED WITH THEM. AND WHAT TRANSPIRED WITH THEM? THEY WERE PUSHED ON RESERVATIONS, THEY THEY LOST THEIR LANDS. THEN YOU HAVE THE ISRAELITE GROUP WHO WE WERE BROUGHT HERE BY SLAVERY, FORCED AGAINST OUR WILL AND GIVEN DOCTRINES THAT DON'T EVEN BELONG TO US AND WE'VE LOST EVERYTHING AND THEN YOU HAVE THE UM CHRISTIAN SCHOOL THAT WAS THERE AND THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO SPEAK AS WELL.
JESSE: OK. I DO THINK SOME OF YOUR MEMBERS ARE GIVING YOU GUYS A BAD NAME. LET'S JUST WATCH SOME JUST RECORDINGS OF SOME OF THE LANGUAGE THAT YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN USING. ROLL THE TAPE.
BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITES: YOU ALL ARE GOING INTO SLAVERY FOR ENSLAVING SO CALLED BLACKS, HISPANICS, AND NATIVE AMERICANS. ALRIGHT. THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAY ALRIGHT SO YOU ALL CAN SIT UP HERE AND LISTEN. YOU ALL CAN TAKE IT AS A JOKE BUT GUESS WHAT? ALL THE ATROCITIES THAT WAS DONE TO OUR PEOPLE IS GOING TO BE DONE TO YOU TIMES TWO. CALL THE COPS. HEY DON'T
WHITE PASSING FEMALE: HEY! THAT IS UNCALLED FOR!" (ABOUT THE WOMAN JUST PUSHED BY ONE OF THE BLACK ISRAELITES TO THE GROUND).
BLACK HEBREW ISRAELITE: SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH! GET OUT OF HERE. THAT'S RIGHT!
JESSE: ALRIGHT SO THAT'S PRETTY AGGRESSIVE. AH RHETORICALLY AND PHYSICALLY, SAW THE WOMAN ON THE GROUND THERE. UM THIS IS REPRESENTATIVE OF THAT NATIONALITY. ANY TIME ANYBODY HEARS ABOUT THE BLACK ISRAELITES, THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK OF. NOW I KNOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU KNOW 'THEY DON'T SPEAK FOR EVERYBODY' BUT, THEY ACTUALLY DO, BECAUSE THAT'S ALL EVERYBODY SEES.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL YOU COULD SAY THAT ABOUT THE KU KLUX CLAN, THE NEO-NAZIS, AND SKINSHEADS AS WELL. DOES THAT REPRESENT YOU?
JESSE: DO YOU BELIEVE IT DOES?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: WELL NOT REALLY. JUST LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT THEY'RE SAYING REPRESENTS ALL ISRAELITES.
JESSE: SO YOU WOULD COMPARE THAT SECT THAT HAS BEEN, YOU KNOW, PRETTY AGGRESSIVE WITH THE LANGUAGE AND PHYSICALLY, YOU WOULD COMPARE THEM TO THE CLAN?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NO. NOT AT ALL.
JESSE: NO.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NOT AT ALL.
JESSE: SO YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT BLACK ISRAELITES ARE SUPERIOR TO ANY OTHER GROUP. YOU THINK EVERYBODY'S EQUAL?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NOT AT ALL. ABSOLUTELY. WE'RE ALL WE'RE ALL NATIONS ON THE EARTH. WE MADE OUR MISTAKES AND WE PAID FOR IT. AND EVERY OTHER NATION IS GOING TO DO THE SAME THING. IF YOU BECOME IMMORAL AND CORRUPT AND DECAY THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY.
JESSE: AH LASTLY WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS AH INDIAN PHILLIPS? THIS AH THIS INDIAN ACTIVIST WHO WAS BANGING THE DRUM?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: I THINK HE HAS A RIGHT TO SPEAK HIS MIND AND STAND UP FOR HIS PEOPLE UM HIS LAND HIS LANGUAGE, HIS CULTURE HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY VIOLENTLY UM AND THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES HERE TO AH SPEAK THEIR MINDS.
JESSE: OK. I MEAN DO YOU THINK THAT THE AH, YOU KNOW, THE SONS SHOULD PAY FOR THE SINS OF THE FATHER?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: AH, YES.
JESSE: OK. SO IF, IF MY FATHER, YOU KNOW, SHOT SOMEONE, I SHOULD PAY THE PRICE?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: IF HE'S STILL IN A CRIME FAMILY, YES.
JESSE: OK. WHAT ABOUT SOMEONE'S GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDFATHER SHOT AN INDIAN WHO SHOT AT HIM WITH A BOW AND ARROW? YOU THINK THEY SHOULD PAY THE THE PRICE?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: AH...
JESSE: THE GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDSON?
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: IF THAT PEOPLE WAS BEING DENIED, WHAT RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO THEM, THEN SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE.
JESSE: ALRIGHT. WELL WE DISAGREE ON THAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I APPRECIATE YOU COMING IN.
Kahtriel Ben YISRAEL: NO PROBLEM.
JESSE: ALRIGHT.

... 1/30/19 Pls excuse my tweet(s) today. I may take them down when I am able. I was getting ready for a productive day but then had to deal with the lie of the only guardian we were left with so I'm going back to sleep all because of Surrogate Judge Deanne M. Wilson. Mom's lie today (again) is that she never discussed me being lazy with my sister and brother-in-law. Details are in my blog but it's very obvious when my brother-in-law called me a "lazy-ass" on the day he called the cops on me that it was the apex of me hearing my sister talk through my mother that I am lazy when the reality is my mother knows that is not the case and no one will hire me based partly(?) on my reputation being ruined in NYS. Tweets r supposed 2b short so let me see if this will even come out coz there's lots more. I've used3tweets so far. This is very bad wut was done to us children! AsInumb&calm from the full circle denied2us byWilsonIwill try2stay silent2day. ... When the owner of the company came here 2night I went out (unlike last time when I didn't get involved)&Itook care of in5mins wut mom&the only other guardian let drag4months.Itold him exactly how2find our accident&left the social worker a msg. ... Idon't want2go out2day bcoz he's supposed to call. Italked2chris2night about the diet they have her on that's supposed2help her but probably no use. Claire was less of a fake 2nite with my input on the fone whereas last niteIfed in2her melodrama. She needs a diagnosis. ... Iwill not rest until the dis-service done by Deanne M. Wilson is rectified or the infectionIhave kills me. Idid not rendezvous w/ a MACK truck in very minor years just2b crushed&spit on by a woman who doesn't know us2say the least! ... Itold the owner earlier thatIhave aB.S. degree in IT&from whatIunderstand,that's all Uneed2run a business like his. No response asIpondered the lack of terrorist security inAmerica based on classified info of homeland security& CIA contracted out&uploaded in HI. ... 1/31/19 I'm now remembering the bullshit of this house that after I talked2christine earlier about the diet mom got on the fone influencingChristine against me saying something about the craziness I just spoke to Christine about. Ipromptly called her right back but no damage control could undo the mom-to-child damage already done. ... AsIhear mom going on within the realm ofMurphy'sLawIdo best to stay in bed&not get involved. YesterdayIhad2calm but2dayI'm best2not even begin whileIwait4the owner's call. He may not call. He didn't have a card on him. Sure enuf mom's worries were unfounded. Our visitor got here. ... First ring of2day is not owner. SinceIfell asleep b4with dream that (2/2/19 let me see if I can remember: there was a lot of green in the beginning and I was concentrating on something but with the people there (can't remember!) but I do remember I was sitting at the table outside and dropped my gloves that happened to fall in front of the tire of the city bus that was in front of me and I miscalculated the time in between the stop and the passengers getting on and a bus resumed pushing me along in front of it. Since it was going slow I definitely felt I had a handle on that I would be ok to get myself out of way way some how and I woke up), Ihad2ask mom if that was the 1st call2day&she bcame difficult so I forcefully asked again, got my answer, &went back2bed. Who left us here? Who's responsible? ... MorrisCo. tweeted about their courthouse expansion. That's billions that belong going2me2make up4all I endured. Went out2drink the cold teaIdidnt get2drink yesterday and turn on Eyewitness news. It's very quiet&peaceful when people don't insist on having their rights enforced. ... Stop&shop. Lifeflash. We had a quiet day until the5:00hr when Claire asked mom if she could talk&mom said no meaning her wild&forgetful imagination has made me out2be a financial worry just like her sister was worried her freakAmerican child was the nextTedBundy. ... Things got even louder when mom did a40yr old habit of flipping out when she dropped something (the garage door opener)&Ireminded her how her freak outs ruined traumatized children. Where's Claire? Not there. Just saying mom did her best so I'm frivolous. ...Ijust learnedIhaveXtra traveling2do4tomorrow so told momIneed$40. That's wutImean about the overspending while leaving out the appropriate life I could have had. She never heard Mighty Mouse say "I guessUown stock." Never heard from owner2day&will hunt them down2morrow. ... 2/2/19 and I will fix these past 2 days if there is anything to fix but I heard over the past two days my mother's pathetic response about me spending money. The only problem with my money when it was released to me at 18 is it was misappropriated to live the inappropriate life relative to my injury. It was in no way irresponsible. Perhaps how she is irresponsible is sending me money to put in my account when I needed it but not controlling or keeping track of if I was living life appropriately. Yes I wanted to do science but no in my condition I needed to start at a slower pace in high school. When it came to chemistry, there were aces in high school but it all changes in college and I was lucky to not have the comparison. I was also lucky to not have the comparison of Calculus when it switched from plug and chug to dimensional thinking when the advanced calculators came along. I spent money on one of those mail order places for different things for my living space. Like again this woman is just like her sister in a foreign country just hoping for the best their children in America don't turn out freaks like Ted Bundy. In a second I became a freak in 1978 and we could have all just avoided all this wasted time had there been family intervention to live with reality and not in denial. Claire being court-ordered out of the house didn't do any good at all. It only helped with staying away from our real medical issues. My guess is had we gone back to the Children's Hospital we could have avoided the dreaded "psychiatry" because that was not our diagnoses. ... so the thing I got done in 5 minutes what mom and claire had drag out for months, isn't totally fixed but at least is going in the right direction FINALLY. Why? Because Claire doesn't have a clue about this stuff and mom is (out of time to find the right words) but we are SUFFERING over a now retired judge. ... 2/2/19 & 2/3/19 It's interesting to get different views on this. I just do go back to when I told a black male at a business who used to let me use the bathroom first thing in the morning when I was in my car and the Occupy facilities were gone, I got a raw deal from my honesty with him. He didn't like what Occupy stood for and took it out on me by not letting me use the bathroom first thing in the morning so I had to drive through city lights to get to the bathroom first thing in the morning. It was awful! As far as Trump goes, he's got some nerve sort of "playing" on blacks while robbing a Native American tribe of Federal Recognition because he sees them as a threat to his casino(s). As non-tribe and not necessarily choosing the words they would, my feeling is he deserves a foot up his ass for that one. Another thing, Trump has my blog at his disposal. Why not make this same type of platform for welfare-living disabled??? And my bioterrorism pain continues. (2/3/19 Some mainstream med has eased some of my pain but the swelling and discharge not).
From https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWam9FSRvGI, another perspective on the race issue:
Candace Owens, Founder of Blexit: Black lives have never ever ever mattered to the Democrat Party. Black votes always have.
Blexit Member: The Democrat Party have established a house of token niggers. Token niggers.
Blexit speaker?: Democrat Party, they want us to permanently be in a state of fear, racism, white racists Republicans.
Blexit rally Member: They just put a black person in the White House for eight years. They didn't do anything for us.
Lee Adams, VICE: Here we go.
Candace Owens: Are we such punks that we are so scared to try something different?
Donald Trump, US President: The Democrats are very nervous. They do nothing for you and that was supposed to be automatic - not anymore.
(chant USA! USA!...)
Lee Adams: I'm curious like is this really about the politics? Like how do we know this is real?
Blexit Member: I just it's legit.
Lee Adams: You guys have a beautiful home and a lot of family photos.
Shekinah Geist: Yes. A lot of people said that my family was brainwashing me and that really bothered me.
Blexit Member: I've had people have known me for seven to ten years that have texted me and told me that I have a mental illness.
Pheasant hunt member: Ready! Movin' out!
Antonia Ok: For my sister at one time to say that you're a traitor.
Lee Adams: a traitor to who?
Antonia Ok: A traitor to my race.
Lee Adams: how do ya'll feel about black conservatives?
Torrance Brown: Like y'all House Negroes. Like y'all just trying to please this white man.
Black Man on MSNBC interview: These are lost, disturbed, self-loathing people.
Rever Al Sharpton, American Civil Rights Activist: Notice that all of those youngsters had caps on.
Lee Adams: So I think some people assume this is a play for votes.
Steve King, Congressman, Iowa: Well I haven't changed and I'm not gonna change.
Amanda Andrews: Voting for Trump is not about being a Republican.
Candace Owens: Make America great again is for us too.
Lee Adams: What does it make you feel like when you wear it?
Sierra: It makes me feel like a proud American.
Torrance Brown: Ya'll have to defend why you voted for Trump.
Stacey Dash, Conservative Commentator: Hilary Clinton. That's who they wanted us to vote for over Trump. (laughter).
Blexit Rally Member: Just because you are black you don't have to be a Democrat.
Blexit Rally Member: I am a black gay conservative and I am proud of that.
Blexit Rally Member: We have to start moving like free agents.
Blexit Rally Member: (inaudible)
Group chant: We are free! We are free!...
Blexit Speaker?: The people in this room are going to change America.
Donald Trump (At Young Black Conservatives gathering, East Room of the White House, Washingtond DC): Where are you standing? In the White House. Not bad. Not bad. The Democrats are very nervous. I will tell you. They're very... They do nothing for you and that was supposed to be automatic. Not anymore.
Audience member: No more plantations.
Donald Trump: I can live with that. That's true. I was never a fan. You know that. Right? In the past the black community has been promised everything, from the Democrats, by the Democrats, and they've got nothing. Democrat policies have led to unsafe communities, failing schools, over incarceration. When I ran for president I asked black Americans to give me a chance with your vote by saying 'what the hell do you have to lose?' Remember?
Group Chant: USA! USA!...
Lee Adams: I'm just going to be honest. I never thought I would ever see this many black people in MAGA hats. President Trump received more votes from black voters than both Mitt Romney and John McCain and a lot like his presidential campaign, much of the media seems to be dismissing the growth of the black conservative movement and instead is attacking their character and motives.
MSNBC interview of a black man: We all know African-American Republicans. These are lost, disturbed, self-loathing people who are part of a personality cult(?) for a president who calls for domestic terrorism and a destruction of every norm that makes this country great.
Al Sharpton: Was not a summit. It was a make America great rally that used some young blacks as props. Notice that all of those youngsters had caps on. It was almost like 'we're gonna dress you for the photo.
Lee Adams: And while the Democratic Party historically controls eighty to ninety percent of the black vote they don't need to lose that many black voters before they start losing elections.
Lee Adams: We're in DC for the first ever young black Leadership Summit where young black conservatives from around the country have come together here in a conference to be put in front of conservative thinkers to find what is hopefully a physically safe space for them to be both black and conservative in a way they've only been able to do online. I don't know if this is genuine but I'm really curious to find out from some of the kids who are here this weekend why they're here and what being here actually means to them. What being there meant to them.
Candace Owens: Black lives have never ever ever mattered to the Democrat Party. Black votes always have. They create this narrative every four years that the Republicans are racist. They try to scare us. Are we such punks that we are so scared to try something different because every four years they knock for our votes and they say vote for us because the other guy's racist. This is our time. Make America great again is for us too. We are Americans first and foremost. We have been in this country since 1619 before any other immigrant group.
Lee Adams: This is Candace Owens and at 29 she is the most influential young black conservative voice in American politics.
Candace Owens(?): Black support of Donald Trump has doubled at this time last year. You guys are trying to pretend that he is pushing in a racist era in this country when in fact we know the Democrats are the racists, have always been the racists.
Candace Owens(?): The left is incredibly good at linguistics: planned parenthood - that sounds nice. I want to plan my Parenthood but in reality they're murdering babies.
Lee Adams: Yeah hey I'm Lee.
Candace Owens: Lee.
Lee Adams: Nice to meet you.
Candace: You guys have also not been too nice to me in the press. Hi! How are you?
Lee Adams: In less than a year she went from being relatively unknown to capturing the attention of the President all through social media.
Candace Owens: Russian collusion is the dumbest shit that you guys have pulled out in a really long... really this is it? like this what 'oh my gosh! If you don't vote for Democrats, if you don't get behind us the Russians are gonna be infiltrating your computers and telling you how to vote.' Like what is wrong with you guys?
Lee Adams: Are we really witnessing the evolution of the face of the Republican Party here
Candace Owens: Yes. For sure.
Lee Adams: Or is this an effort to capture more black votes and nothing else?
Candace Owens: Oh so what you'll realize is we never tell anybody how to vote. Um this has never been about, I for the first time two weeks ago I just registered as a Republican. I was just ah I always called conservative curious. I knew something wasn't working on the left, they've grown increasingly violent, and they seem obsessed with races. Every single day they're trying to sell to us our own oppression.
On megaphone at rally: ...of the Democratic Party. Have been going on for far too long and we say enough is enough. We're not voting for people who are not serving our communities and serving our best interests. The only people that are white that we have allowed around us are white liberals and the only reason why black men are out here stomping on flags and burning them is because the Democrats never taught them how to love that fucking flag.
Candace Owens: We're done with the fear-mongering and we are understanding that despite everything that's been said about President Trump, he's brought more results than the black president that was in office for eight years prior to him but the time is now. People are feeling empowered and the time is now for us to stand up and say 'doesn't matter what you call us anymore. We want to be free and we want to be a piece of the American dream too.'
Lee Adams: While these points could be debated back and forth by both sides for literally eternity, this was the standard rhetoric being used throughout the entire event.
Stacey Dash: In 2008 I voted for Obama simply because I got blacked into it. I'm gonna be honest and you treated us like we are victims. The things that I learned in the hood are very conservative principles: welfare, lamb for the slaughter. You make money? Somebody comes up to you and says 'give me thirty five percent of your money' what are you gonna do? Excuse me? Give you what? Give me your gun? Thank you. (laughter) Thank you. These are very conservative principlesthat we are raised with but we don't even know it.
Young Black Conservative: I I call myself just a free thinker. It's become a lifestyle. You know it's Who I am.
Young Black Conservative: No one paid us to be here. I absolutely love myself. I am not a coon.
Young Black Conservative: So when people are like 'oh you're just being used by the Republicans.' No you're being disrespectful to me because I know what I'm doing.
Blexit speaker?: Today in this room I'm so excited because we are going to launch in front of the world a movement. A movement that will forever be remembered as a piece of American history. A movement called blexit. The black exit.
Group cheer: Blexit! Blexit!...
Lee Adams: While there are only a few hundred people at this summit wearing Blexit t-shirts there are thousands more online and as long as black Americans have had the right to vote there had been black Republicans but there has never been the community activism and recruitment than that created by the rise of social media and one such influencer in this space is Antonia Okafor:, a second Amendment rights activist and conservative speaker.
Antonia Okafor, Second Amendment Activist: Yesterday a horrific incident took place at Texas Tech University. A student took his gun and shot a campus police officer in the head. Why am I a campus carry activist? For this very reason - to empower the law abiding individual and student on a college who's afraid of a criminal harming them.
Lee Adams: We're following her to Iowa because she's being honored at Congressman Steve King's annual pheasant hunt - a GOP tradition sponsored by a man who's been called a racist by the press.
Antonia Okafor: So I'm honored to be a special guest this year. Um
Lee Adams: Previous honorees have included Ted Cruz and Donald Trump Jr. So why Antonia? Whose agenda does this serve? Because in my mind this looks a lot like GOP recruitment.
Pheasant hunt member: Raise it up to your shoulder.
Antonia Okafor: Ok.
Pheasant hunt member: You look at the bird and you just shoot it.
Pheasant hunt member:: Ready? Move it out. Nice and easy. Nice and easy guys. Well I don't know how that bird lived through that. There it is.
Lee Adams: Is this just like a regular thing? You come out into the plains with white men carrying shotguns or what.
Antonia Okafor: (laughs) Um no that's not like the thing. Um I do live in, born and raised in Carrollton Texas so that was ... I mean it was predominantly white.
Lee Adams: Have you like found yourself being like one of few or like the only minority and like rooms more as your like political influences grown?
Antonia Okafor: Probably but also while I've been doing this I've seen it grow. The whole thing that's happening right now, the young black Leadership Conference, it's just like showing in one place what I've known for a long time that there are a lot of black conservatives and that there are many of them who are (quasi?) black conservatives. They're out there. I knew I wasn't alone but I was the most vocal.
Lee Adams: Is it an isolating experience being a a black conservative?
Antonia Okafor: There is a a mentality almost like if you say anything that's different there's a firing squad waiting for you.
Lee Adams: Can you tell me about when you transitioned from being democrat to having these more conservative views?
Antonia Okafor: Yeah I think I've always had conservative views. It was until 2010 that I started to realize that President Obama who I enthusiastically voted for that the policies that he had put through I didn't feel that I was empowered as a young individual. Hope and change - he said that he was gonna drastically change America.
Lee Adams: but it's...
Antonia Okafor: That was his platform though.
Lee Adams: Sure
Antonia Okafor: So no I don't think that it was unfair or unrealistic.
Lee Adams: Unrealistic.
Antonia Okafor: No I think maybe it's actually we need different policies to change things if a black man didn't change it.
Lee Adams: I'm curious how you as a child of an immigrant from Africa reconcile the comments that Donald Trump made where he, you know, alluded to it being a shithole.
Antonia Okafor: I was just ... my mom is a great example and hearing her say 'do you think I went to America just because I I liked Texas or something? It is horrible. There are people that are Christians who are being killed by machetes.
Lee Adams: And outside of that context just thinking about the checkered past that the Republican Party does have with minority groups in this country why is it that you can like stomach the injustices ...
Antonia Okafor: So please tell me what injustices you're talking about, the Republican Party.
Lee Adams: Voter suppression laws for example.
Antonia Okafor: So having an ID which I have a driver's license...
Lee Adams: People attribute these things to being you know an infringement upon people's rights.
Antonia Okafor: If anyone's disenfranchising minority groups it's the Democratic Party especially right now. When they're taking our vote for granted because we are the majority usually, um and they can rest comfortably on that, that is disenfranchising a whole crew.
Lee Adams: People are gonna watch this and they're gonna like question your motives for being so outspoken.
Antonia Okafor: okay
Lee Adams: And so I want to know like how do you ... what is your response to that?
Antonia Okafor: It's sad that we have to, that someone can't make a decision to change a part of their life or switch and not have a motive.
Lee Adams: You know you've honored as special guests men like Ted Cruz and Donald Trump Jr., why now honor Antonia?
Steve King: She's a clear and a consistent conservative voice defending the Second Amendment in particular and she can do a better job of it in the arena that she's in that I can't do it and the hunters out there, they're a push over for a young lady. (laughs)
Antonia Okafor: I'm so passionate about protecting the Second Amendment because as an individual I know how important it is that I have a right to defend myself. I'm a survivor of sexual assault. I know what it means to feel completely vulnerable and defenseless.
Lee Adams: I think some people will see you're standing next to Antonia here. They will assume the worst which is that this is a play for votes or this is a play for influence in a place or maybe you didn't have it before.
Steve King: Well I haven't changed and I'm not gonna change and as popular as virtue signaling is it's almost a requirement in this society today. I never do it and I never will.
Lee Adams: And yet Congressman Steve King retweeted neo-nazis and publicly targeted immigrants by saying we can't restore our civilization with somebody else's babies but now he's given Antonia what seems like a convenient platform.
Antona: Now you want me to be in there?
Lee Adams: What was life like when you first started to be more outspoken about your political beliefs?
Antonia Okafor: Oh it was it was horrible. It was definitely the one the one part that I was affected most by or impacted most by were the people around me for my sister at one time to say that 'you're a traitor.'
Lee Adams: A traitor to who?
Antonia Okafor: A traitor to my race.
Lee Adams: Because of influencers like Antonia and Candace Owens more young black conservatives have declared their allegiance to Trump online but this decision can have life-altering consequences.
Shekinah Geist: So my name is Shekinah for those of you that don't know and I've decided to exit the Democrat Party.
Lee Adams: Shekinah Geist is one of these people. A budding social-media influencer that we met at the conference in DC who recently dropped out of college after being bullied for wearing a trump t-shirt on campus so we're following Shekinah to her hometown to see whether embracing your political beliefs online is worth social suicide.
Lee Adams: You guys have a beautiful home
Shekinah Geist: Thank you.
Lee Adams: and a lot of family photos.
Shekinah Geist: Yes. Thank you.
Shekinah: Yes. My mom loves pictures
Lee: Yeah. What? Is this your brother up here?
Shekinah Geist: Yes that's my brother Levi and that's my brother Daniel and his wife CeCe and that's me.
Lee Adams: You were adopted.
Shekinah Geist: mm-hmm yeah.
Lee Adams: And how's that experience been?
Shekinah Geist: Probably one of the best experiences ever. Because my birth mom was 15 when she had me I felt like she did the very best for me and gave me a better life. Yeah so this is the shirt.
Lee Adams: Wow
Shekinah: mm-hmm
Lee Adams: And so that was one that like your mom sent to you.
Shekinah Geist: Yep.
Lee Adams: You know like a
Shekinah Geist: mm-hmm
Lee Adams: And like you wore anywhere on campus and stuff and your parents kind of impart any leanings one way or the other on you?
Shekinah Geist: Really no. Not at all. My dad hates politics.
Lee Adams: So they encouraged you to like find your own way?
Shekinah Geist: Yeah. They said you research and you um pick whoever you think is best fit.
Lee Adams: You know when you wore that Donald Trump shirt did your friends know kind of your political leanings or?
Shekinah Geist: Um I
Lee Adams: Is that when they found out?
Shekinah Geist: I definitely got backlash.
Lee Adams: You know you're afraid of losing some of the first black friends you had?
Shekinah Geist: Yeah
Lee: And did that happen?
Shekinah Geist: Most of them said they just couldn't imagine me supporting someone like Donald Trump. We just kind of quit being friends. It wasn't necessarily uncivil. We just kind of quit talking to each other.
Lee Adams: There are people who have had their names tossed around as being racist within the party.
Shekinah Geist: Right.
Lee Adams: How are you okay with that?
Shekinah Geist: If I truly feel that a candidate is being racist I will not stand with them and I don't think that Donald Trump says everything right. I I definitely think that he words a lot of things incorrectly.
Lee Adams: And so what happened in the days that followed that like caused you to come back home to Greeley?
Shekinah Geist: I think it was initially the shock. Just not expecting people to like message me and say things to me.
Lee Adams: What was like the content of those messages?
Shekinah Geist: That I lost my race card. That I wasn't black anymore. That I was an Uncle Tom. That I was a sellout. That I was just trying to make money. I was trying to get attention. I was trying to seek acceptance from white people. A lot of people said that my family was brainwashing me and that really bothered me.
Lee Adams: Why?
Shekinah Geist: Because I knew that I love my family. And so I felt like I needed to go home and I wanted to do more research. I wanted to be confident in myself. I wanted to know what I believed and I just felt like I had to completely reshift. Predominantly black urban areas have been destroyed. Our educational institutions have been destroyed. Black owned businesses have been destroyed. All of these things the Democrats have done to destroy the black community.
Lee Adams: Why make your beliefs public?
Shekinah Geist: It was a decision that I made after I felt more confident in myself.
Lee Adams: You had expressed concern that like you would have to deal with this kind of backlash so I'm just curious like why still do it?
Shekinah Geist: I felt that it was good to receive that backlash. I felt it was good to hear a different perspective. I felt it was good to challenge myself.
Lee Adams: The first people to turn on Shekinah for her political leaning were the first black friends she's ever had and I wanted to get a better understanding of why there is so much resistance within the black community to black conservatives. ... So right now we're at the University of Northern Colorado and we're gonna go meet up with the black student union. Ah Shekinah hangs out here a lot with her friends. She goes to the Community College around the corner. Um we're going to go hear what they think about young black conservatives. ... What's up guys? How you all doing? Ah what are you guys up to? Like is this like a liberal area or?
Amanda Andrews, Student, UNCO: (laughter) are you kidding me? Trump would literally keep(?) the campus and had a rally in that building. Is it over there?
Lee Adams: Wow.
Amanda Andrews: ... still having
to go to class the next day. I think that was the hardest part because like you go there and like you see people you know.
Oluwatobi Ogunmodede, Student, UNCO: I was just like 'oh my gosh! What kind of madness is this?
Lee Adams: So then how do y'all feel about black conservatives?
Amanda Andrews: Whew! Ok so look... They don't want you to know them ok.
Torrence Brown, Student UNCO: The black boujwazee. That's all I can say. (inaudible) house Negroes at the end of the day. That's just facts. That's big facts. That's big facts. They just house Negroes. It's like supporting a party, I mean honestly we gonna be a real both parties, like to me haven't ever done anything for black people in a sense of like 'I wanna a policy. I don't want no speeches. I want policy' but what about conservatives it's just like y'all house Negroes. Like y'all just trying to please this white man so y'all gonna be on his good side. So as much as I want to look past like 'oh you're a person' and you might be confused but like you're personable values are tied into policies that affect my life.
Amanda Andrews: Like voting for Trump is not about being a Republican. You voted for somebody who blatantly supports and encourages white supremacy. Like hate crimes are way up.
Lee Adams: So like when you think about you know blacks in Union supports, like diversity right? Do you guys also support that diversity in thought, like would young black conservatives, could they feel welcome in this space that is supposed to be welcoming for black students?
Torrance Brown: That's a unique word. I wouldn't say 'welcome' but I'll definitely say 'feel challenged.' To back up the reason why you believe what you believe and I'll do the same as well as everybody else with some with some facts and also with some emotions.
Lee Adams: Clearly many black students had a negative perception of black Trump supporters but Shekinah was able to connect with one other like-minded black conservative in Greeley, Sierra. While a lot of black conservatives have found each other online this is one of those rare cases where they've created a real-world friendship.
Shekinah Geist: So a lot of people tell me that when I talk about politics or use my social media it's solely to gain followers and that's just not the case.
Sierra: We just want to try and get the word out there to let more people know that um I mean that that this is for real. This is who we really are um as black conservatives.
Lee Adams: You guys don't wear this on campus though.
Sierra: As of right now I haven't. I just got that like two weeks ago.
Lee Adams: Ah okay. Will you?
Sierra: Probably. I mean look at my backpack.
Lee Adams: Do you? oh yeah.
Sierra: I walk around with that every day.
Lee Adams: What does it make you feel like when you wear it? Or is it just like 'my hair is not poppin today. I need a hat?
Sierra: Ah it makes me feel like a proud American.
Shekinah Geist: I feel confident in it especially when we were in DC.
Lee Adams: Yeah
Shekinah Geist: I felt more confident wearing it there.
Lee Adams: Do you guys think that organizations like the Black Student Union, which is supposed to be like a welcoming space for all black students, you know, do you think that would be accepting to you guys?
Sierra: I would say I would hope that they would be accepting.
Shekinah Geist: I feel that if these people are truly pro-black it would be good to have a different perspective. It would be good to have diversity of thought.
Lee Adams: The Black Student Union invited us over to pregame for UNC's basketball game that night and we asked if we could bring Shekinah and Sierra for what will probably be an incredibly awkward introduction. ... I'm curious like what are your preconceptions on black people and conservative and like conservative ideals?
Torrance Brown: Yeah there's nothing wrong with being a conservative. There's nothing wrong with voting your political party. The issue is Trump and Trump is making fun of people who are mentally handicapped, making fun of women, making fun of immigrants, making fun of refugees, making fun of black people, that is the issue. This is the wrong time for me to be a conservative.
Shekinah Geist: I have a lot to say. I have lot that I could say. I don't know where to really begin but
Sierra: seem ...
Darius Shepard, Student UNCO: Like what policies do you agree with that that Trump has pushed forward?
Shekinah Geist: Well one of the things that I really appreciate that he's doing - he's actually trying to start Urban Revitalization with Ben Carson.
Torrance Brown: Wasn't Ben Carson a doctor? How is? How's he going to help out with housing though?
Sierra: Because he grew up in extreme poverty so.
Torrance Brown: I grew up in extreme poverty. I can't fix houses though.
Shekinah Geist: I think we have seen a lot of improvement.
Sierra: Making an effort to try and fix the VA okay? What was the thing trade, the United States, Mexico, Canada agreement how he's been fixing that.
Torrance Brown: Yeah. He pulled out of that because he wants terrorists. The one thing that really frustrated me is Trump's taking credit for a black unemployment rate. I'm pretty sure we've all seen that. Saying the black unemployment rate's been the lowest it's ever been. You did not do that. It started going down underneath Barak Obama.
: You know where he'd had that conversation with on the tour bus with
?: Billy Bush.
: Billy Bush yeah about how
Sierra: The one that was like ten years ago?
: He referred to as locker room talk.
Sierra: He did publicly apologize. I don't know if any of you guys watched that debate.
Torrance Brown: White Nationalist literally said 'I feel emoted by Trump.' There's no way in hell you can justify that. You have to defend why you like literally voted for Trump and there's nothing you can't get away from that cuz Ben Carson has nothing to do with public housing. You're black. I'm black.
: Like what does he have to say for you to stop agreeing with Trump?
Shekinah Geist: Immigration wise it's difficult because the people have already been here. I don't think it's I I really don't think it's fair and a lot of conservatives believe it is. I don't think it's fair for someone who's been here for thirty years, started a business, had a family, to be deported back to wherever they came from.
Torrance Brown: Me hearing you talk is like 'you don't support him but you like you rep your party.' I respect that and black people we have this ideology Barak Obama is Jesus Christ, which is not even close. He never gave me a policy. He didn't give no black people policy but as a citizen it's your civic duty again to hold them accountable.
Shekinah Geist: For me I guess a good way to put it as 'I'm sometimes Trump.' There's things that I like and there's things that I will call him out on but when you just take away my black card and say that I'm not black anymore and you don't even want to discuss it with me, you just want to say that white people have brainwashed me, that's where I really have an issue.
: I feel like it's not healthy to attack the black character. It's not going to do anything for us as a black community.
?: It's counter-productive.
: It's very counter productive and then at the end of the day people are gonna be like 'oh black people and black people don't like each other so this is something that we have to discuss.'
Sierra: Just hearing this from you guys is, it it really means a lot. It's great.
Torrance Brown: Alright let's go watch this game. Please.
Shekinah Geist(?): One of the things that I hope is more people coming together.
Shekinah Geist: For me I've seen a lot of my friends and myself where people just completely disassociate themselves with black conservatives or vice versa.
Lee Adams: As Americans we all have a civic duty to vote, to hold our government accountable. People have always voted against their best interests and whether or not that's what's happening with black conservatives isn't really for me to say. ... What do you feel are the biggest misconceptions about conservatives or the Republican Party that exists within the black community?
Antonia Okafor: I think a lot of people think that that we're here to appease white people.
Steve King: And our job is to restore those pillars of exceptionalism and put America on the track to become again, a greater nation than it's been in the past.
Antonia Okafor: They think that we're doing this for some ulterior motive. That we're gonna get celebrity status or whatever just because we're a black conservative. I didn't do that for that.
Steve King: Please please welcome Antonia Okafor here to the microphone.
Antonia Okafor: It's definitely not a life that you want to live and live vocally but I think we all do it conspicuously because we want other people to realize that there are other people out there just like them and think just like them.
[Since filming, Antonia publicly condemned Rep. Steve King on social media after he was quoted in the New York Times asking: "White nationalist, White supremacist, Western civilization - how did that language become offensive?"
[King was removed from his committee assignments for these comments.]
Lee Adams: Black Republicans are still a fairly small group but the disillusionment within the black community with the Democratic Party is very real and if these concerns that black Americans have with the Democratic Party are continuously marginalized and ignored I think this movement could grow. I don't know if this is an honest effort from the GOP to change the face of the party but I do know that this political evolution is real and earnest to the individuals that I met in DC.
Shekinah Geist: And I just hope that at some point we can look past our differences and find a commonality and so that we can help our communities instead of arguing in such a partisanship that we see on both sides of the aisle now.
Lee Adams: If we really want to make America great again attacking someone for the way they vote is never going to be the way that we get there.

... oh yes and I'm glad we now understand/recognize/know what shoes tied by the laces and strung over utility wires means. ... oh yes and so the list of middle-eastern and future generation(s) take over seems to be (locally at least) gas stations, liquor stores, and natural food outlets. I feel a giggle rising every time I pass the all-new-set-to-open Liberty that has done the opposite right after I reported about water being detected in cars from Liberty and Delta. Keep in mind the phrase "muslim brotherhood." Look it up. ... that was so extremely painful on the left side of my body (the side that seems to be unswollen) and I don't know why. Just from sitting here all this time? Which I've done before but this time was excruciating. ... What seems like non-menstrual blood. That explains the extreme pain before but why now? ... 2/4/19 Today's verbal rampage just happened as I see my life cut short because of the guardian we were left with and just keeps slipping through the cracks and brought to a higher level by Judge Deanne M. Wilson relaxing in retirement as she leaves behind this mess. Turns out the faithful everyday vistor we have lives in the same town as Claire. The excuse mom hides behind that it's too far. The full-of-shit caretaker we were left with. The spitting on my life while leaving Claire alone and then trusting that Claire has a medical and worldly clue to take care of the things Christine needs. If it's too far for Claire get a FUCKING diagnosis so we can be real here. Is her brain injuries making life harder as she goes along? Like WTF??? Then I went to the place people have often said to me "oh that's far!"and being that I drove myself across the country I guess it's a hop, skip, and a jump. (Flashback to a female I know you'd NEVER guess is some sort of engineer and is a single mom with a career and had time to take time out to do a cross country trip with her kids. Can Claire do that? No Weirewille gave her an out and I'm fucked as it stands now). I am properly diagnosed though and have spent 20? years using strategies to compensate as best I can but it's all thrown into the open mouthed garbage pit known as the Morris County Surrogate's Court. All it took to make this go smoother was a warning from mom that I was receiving something in the mail from them. Some preparation but that was part of the verbal rampage today that I require PLANNING as she says I'm full of shit. So it turned out to be a ceremony which I didn't know but it was a welcome RELEASE as usual. As I am surrounded by the reminder of our true human nature and where we come from. Not like Claire who has to have her pampered Jersey life and eat it too. Oh but her bible points out her success of family and job as blessings. Blessings relative to whom? The Federal Reserve? The Europeans who conquered this land? The list goes on. So anyway it was right up my alley of life relative to geology and archeology. Geology is more up my ally than archeology. Anyway there are certain things done very much if not exactly the same around the world. Mom need not look far away to know what she has in common with today: https://www.irishcentral.com/travel/autumn-ireland-ancient-sites. ... Well it's a good thing I took the top off my McDonalds coffee before drinking and looked. A small hard pointed object was floating on top. Could have been a piece of plastic off something or maybe a hard shell of some nut - idk but since I'm letting go of life what does it matter? ... 2/6/19 On my bioterrorist front a lot of my pain is diminished I assume from the mainstream med. Swelling, discharge, and itching are consistent. Today's verbal rampage started after I told my mother my life is only flashing before my eyes as she went into a court and lied. It all started with a call about Christine and yet again if I wasn't mom I was asked if I was Claire and I finally said who I was and that "Claire doesn't even live here..." and I said it makes no sense at all that she's the only other contact because she's not even involved in Christine's life. Mom started talking over me and wanted to be called on her cell so I gave the cell number. ... Yesterday's drama queen is worse than a drama queen. A grown woman acting like a child sticking up for herself while she's not part of the conversation and only understands so much English. She's got to go. It is so stressful. ... Mom doesn't know I saw it but I saw the numbers in at least 2 of her bank accounts and the money going to the aid is a relative drop in the bucket but that should be a moot point. Paying money to a car service when I can drive??? Christine not getting proper care because I'm not involved. After getting her tooth pulled she mom was told she was ok but things were not ok with her stockings until I called the social worker and all I can do until someone does something about this is rampage online. ... Oh yes and I don't remember during which recent blow out lately but I asked mom what's the deal? When we went to one counseling session with a neuropsychologist over 20 years ago (the one the all salt insurance can be sued for because they're not allowed to refer me to doctors) mom said with such closure that she just wanted this to be over with: "I was awake!" So recently I asked "Were you awake before you passed out? That's what happened to Claire. Or is it what Aunt Chrissy told me long ago that Stephanie was buried when you woke up?" Mom said she was in the hospital when Stephanie was buried. Like I need answers here and not half ass answers which gave us half ass medical lives and now I don't even live half a fucking life. I simply exist. ... 2/7/19 As I went through a transcript about nuclear medicine last night I had a flashback to protection I never had as I grappled with not wanting to go through a medical procedure to rule out a tear done to me by police. The bruises they left on me and the violations I never saw justice for. I'm pretty sure that was nuclear medicine. But that's how the court is set up. The MD world rules. Then I flashed forward to my chiropractor consistently sensing something wrong with my kidneys but it's not set up that the dye that must enter your body could have an affect on your kidneys. All justice that never happened as I was held against my will, forcefully changed out of my clothes, humiliated because I had no reason at the time to have proper hygiene, and given Fibromyalgia of the shoulders (just to name a few violations) all to come to head with a new singer named Jessica Alba. You bet there are terrorists up near the Canadian border. In the end when the case wasn't allowed to go forward my lawyer saying "you ran them out of a lot of money." (paraphrase). That's not the point. That's not justice. Perhaps one of the northern border terrorists is one of the audience members Judge Deanne M. Wilson cited in her disapproval of me being involved in Christine's care. I had no idea. No one else was involved in OUR case and there was no jury. Speaking of terrorist activity, oh what a relief it is! Much of my pain has dwindled but I have this thing I don't know what it is given to me after I notice this area has a Potsdam air about it, my specific product ONLY was taken off the shelves after my internet stalker had access to a private G+ conversation I had in mid to late August 2018 which was before receiving the clothing I wear from a VT company, and the black community at the University made things very obvious they know something. An arrest? Some justice? ... 2/24/19 Putin has me really busy with his nuclear takeover of the world's innocence. So is the blood from the pain given to me by my bioterrorist or menstrual blood or a combo of both? Starting when I was somewhere near 25 my breasts would hurt before every monthly IF I was putting on weight. At least that's the connection I made. My breasts have been hurting me the past couple days(?). Logorrhea, Diarrhea, Gonorrhea. Is that the connection? You know the page views of this blog is unusually high in Russia and has been for a long time now. Could that have anything to do with the man with sexy muscle arms that are probably lethal weapons instead and was listed as part of the Russian mob? My stalker? The amount of page views for my blog is highest in the USA and right behind that is Russia. ... 2/27/19 So today's going off on mom was a continuation of last night when I went over the top. Today the trigger before I left the house was the house advertised on the NJ channel that houses those with special needs emerging into the world at age 21. As I think of it now that's what Christine is missing out on but today I went off as that is what I needed. Mom says nothing. Nice fucking guardian I was left with. Last night it was about what the plan is and mom said there is no plan that her house will be sold and the money would be divided among us. Liar. Christine doesn't need the money. Claire is in denial she's brain damaged or rather her brain washing is doing her just fine in life. She also freaks out about you don't even question what's in a person's will because Claire is happily brain washed that we are all alright and I'm a problem. Ha. I'm diagnosed is what I am. I just can't handle this. I was over the top last night and we only have silence surrounding us. ... the other day a black guy said out of the blue "I don't know nothin." THAT'S why the black community at the University needs to be investigated. They know something or did something or knows someone who did something. I am in so much pain from my bioterrorist and it's like young and stupid has no idea of the gravity of what they did. ... oh yes and it's just drugs that I have to explain to mom the fact that she had my room cleaned out for something that didn't pan out. Christine did not come home because there was no aid available to her. So my stuff got bagged up as I was freaking out about the unfamiliarity I was being put in. Turns out I had to spend mom's money today because I have a failing memory about things and couldn't remember where something was put and time was running out. Just drugs explaining what life is like for her handicapped child that things are going too fast for my processes. This after accident lie I've had to live has been no fair to me. ... 3/4/19 Right so Mr. Nuclear Nigeria just walked out around 4:15pm. He was here for a while but not when I first came in. On the bioterrorist front there's been a relaxing of the problem due to either what I'm doing finally kicking in or something new I tried in which there's less discharge, pain, swelling(?) but I have a long way to go as I can see. In the shower today I felt a lump on the underside of my breast. Oh well. Do your fucking job Morris County Surrogate's Court. Mighty Mouse proved himself wrong; The Way International Soul/Spirit belief has no place inside brain damage rehabilitation. Happy Claire is only that. It's not true. It's unreality. I told mom about the lump too and that she should get serious and do things right for all her children in Morristown. But you know I have to get back to this later because I have way too many lies to cater to/correct in the nuclear power industry. But before I go for now I'll reiterate all the lack of proper attention/care Christine has received in a nursing home without my involvement. They recently had a special brunch with really nice food (so I heard) to try to bring in customers. Right like the authority that moved into NYCHA so she could witness firsthand the coverups and lies being told by the building authorities. ... 3/5/19 so around 4:57pm the lookalike for the Nigeria Nuclear Regulatory Committee walked out of here. My bioterrorist? You know you really should make better use of your time by making the Morris County Surrogate's court do it's job so that I am busy and leave you alone. I won't have time for this once I'm able to fulfill my responsibilities to my sister. Such lack of connecting the dots is nothing new for the nuclear industry. So he walked out of the computer lab and walked down the first row of books to the right. The black community at the university knows something. It's 7 months out. Has this assault made me sterile? It's day 2 of the breast lump discovery and it could just be the explanation of "sugar" like 12 years ago or it could not be. And by now I am enthralled in other things that the monologue I had for yesterday is gone. ... oh yes, for some reason I've been having flashbacks to the year 2000 and realizing I could have understood there were terrorists around me. When I was doing my normal thing of trying to help people get better the natural way I showed Shepherd my Shaklee Alfalfa pills to help him and I specifically remember the non-conversational flail of his hand in shoo'ing me away. In hindsight it was as if to say "What are you doing? Our every move is monitored." As if I should know. Soon after is when Shaklee changed it's bottling practices away from brown tinted to commercialized white opaque. That was clue #1 something very wrong. After 9/11 is when I noticed the difference in the pills themselves particularly the garlic pills that no longer had the green specks in them. Calling Shaklee reps was like banging your head against the wall. No one questioned the newness, accepted it as told to them, and no one knew what I knew. About 5 years later when discussing the company's downfall I was told a Japanese company had taken it over and wanted it to look more Western which explains the lack of green specks and more commercialized look of the pills. Yes bioterrorism. I just couldn't put it into words all this time. ... 3/6/19 Nuclear Nigerian Chair lookalike here, not directly behind me but on the other side behind me. My bioterrorist? 3rd day of breast lump discovery. Something is happening in my body after 7 months that the pain is not gone but this situation is definitely going away. Should I dare my bioterrorist to go ahead and do it again now that everyone is watching? The joke could be on me. It could be that someone with immunity doesn't have to answer to this as indicated to me by Joy Behar 7 months ago when reading her cards. So last night Claire sounded very annoyed that I was not looking something up on the computer for mom. Claire does the same disconnect as mom that my actions now have nothing to do with being cut out of Christine's care ten years ago. Against mom's will I said "Ah excuse me I don't do online shopping because of the paranoia put in me by family by doing anything online and having no support in entering that world." - paraphrase. Again Claire doesn't connect how much I simply needed an EMAIL with FAMILY as I embarked on the new Wild Wild West of the World and instead suffered reputation damage. Flashes of the young and stupid one who used an excuse they just dont like me instead of talking to me as any other day was ok. Claire mentioned she talks to a lot of people as if she's in the know. If she were in the know, she'd know about nursing home abuse and neglect and check on Christine to make sure she is getting the care given to her ten years ago by a Judge Deanne M. Wilson. It was unbelievable. Claire doesn't know or get how many cognitive problems mom has and was taking mom's word for it that you spell "peel" "pel." It's only my being there that fixed the situation. She just can't accept that her "mom did her best" is not appropriate to our medical lives. ... 3/7/19 on the bioterrorist front I'm in more pain today than yesterday but still my body is on the move of ridding myself of whatever after 7 months. Day 4 of lump discovery and it's moved sort of down which maybe means it's shrinking or I got used to it. On the heartbreak front, I didn't cry like I did when I saw the teen across the street getting the father involvement I missed out on, but little sister wants to do what big sister is doing and dad is there to allow her to propel an all terrain vehicle around the yard legally. Today I went off on mom when yet again Christine is missing out on the family involvement she needs. After months of waiting for her new wheelchair to be fixed Christine reported to mom that at one point when she was trying to turn it kept going straight but then it was ok. You do NOT call the company about this yet. You go there to see if Christine is first using the assistive technology correct on the chair first. Her and Claire signed up for this ten years ago by leaving me out of her care. Mom says to me then I can go to Christine and do it myself. She is correct! The element she is missing is she needs to go fix her lies in Morristown first. She's just being an asshole. She knows. ... and for the little shits who think I don't know what's going on, I detected the little laughters in the computer lab when my phone would chime. Now I'm getting all kinds of spam msgs on my phone. Like I said, the black community at the university needs to be investigated for the assault done on me because they know something or did something or know someone who did something and I can imagine this all started by one person who found it more convenient to say they don't like me instead of have a set of balls to turn away from the lifestyle they supposedly used to be in. Simply brought trouble around to the unsuspecting and trusting. ... 3/8/19 On the bioterrorist front I had less pain yesterday than the day before and today I'm in between but it's probably mainly swelling. I feel it when I sit down. Day 5(?) of lump discovery and it seems like it's going down. The monthly breast tenderness didn't go away when my period did which was very unusual. I think I still have some pain - very unusual. Speaking of periods, it is unacceptable the shame that goes with it as per The View's revelation about India. The male shop keepers wouldn't exist without it. WTH? So the deli situation seemed very much like a Potsdam move. I noted everything after Mighty Mouse brought the cops over and now it's named something new which is the name of it's property management out of Ringwood it seems. The house next to it is rented out. The house with the new garage had lights on late at night for a few days, etc. Anyway in Potsdam there have been many a people that up and left and left no forwarding address and left their houses as is. Come to think of it the Indian/Middle eastern doctor I used to have said "Just leave" - - - dot connecting? He knew something? ... 3/10/19 Yeah and so another thing that tells me I have terrorist on my ass is that the lawyer who handled our accident case was found guilty of something like malpractice in the 90s; After losing in the surrogate's court my appeal, the lawyer's office wound up on the magazine of best lawyers or something; the inappropriate psychologist was featured in Psychology Today; and what else? Oh the hospital we were taken to where the ER doctor left a bent bone in my leg was named tops. Don't think for one second I'm weak. I'm astounded how difficult it is to find tax information of ownership of the businesses with the middle eastern invasion around here. I'll have to look up what it means when business owns a liquor store. One way of hiding? hmmm ... 3/11/19 My bioterrorist? behind me at 2:30 pm but wasn't here when I got here around 1ish. And he walked out with his printouts at 3:44 pm to the right but now back. ... 3/12/19 Holy fucking India/Pakistan invasion near Kearney NJ! I'm just an alarm sounder. The middle eastern invasion in my neck of the woods. ... Oh how I wanted to slap mom today for her allowed negligence of handicapped children in America. She was talking to her sister(s) overseas about not sure if she's going over for a wedding and I announced she needs someone to go with her. She then said that Claire and TJ would go. I guess that's what started the mood because when TJ was there they all had a big laugh over TJ saying they all marry each other. NO JOKE - they are the incestuous sinners on the island of Ireland as taught by Claire under teachings of The Way International. Another thing that threw me off is this bully bitch's inability (or refusal) to ever acknowledge the way she viewed Claire for years. I think she lost her mind when I got my own house about 19 years ago. Complaining but making no strides in directions for her medically needy children other than I can go have surgery and go to her house. Christine's Mr. Rogers chair is probably seeing the last of it's days because it is being handled by Claire and Mighty Mouse. Only after they loaded it into their trunk a few months ago did the pedal break on it. Only after handling it again recently to get her to the doctor's office did the tire become undone. I'm fucking furious. I would insist on getting it fixed but Claire? Just like the keepsake children's organ that I have memories of playing before the accident Claire put out to the garbage. Where did I get my keepsake ways??? Mom. I brought the organ back in the house. It's now missing it's original stool and song books. At least I have part of it stuck in my memory for "Silent Night" 12-13-12-10, 12-13-12-10, 18-18-16, 16-16-14, and then I'm at a loss at least for now. This stupid loose cannon in America is trying to say the past never fucking happened. Right I'll shut up when our lives are fixed. How the fuck did we wind up under the rada??? On the breast lump front I thought the lump was gone yesterday so was still baffled as to why I have pain. Today I discovered it's still there which explains the pain. I've never had this situation. I'll be looking up terror watchlists and the like when I have time. ... 3/13/19 So today's and yesterday's freaking out with mom stems from no plans. If there are plans they are not being told to me and that is medical abuse relative to my injury. Just like all those years I couldn't do anything with all the silence on the phone when I told her to do something for us/Christine but NEVER expected to receive a surprise letter from the Surrogate's court. I distinctly remember us driving away from releasing the money and mom telling me we're all done with "that" (meaning the Surrogate's Court). The aid got it when I said I have friend with the same injury (injured a year apart and we're the same age) but they had a lawyer in the family and knew what to do. ... So it looks like the other bioterrorist possibility stand-in is here. I'm not looking around for the other one. ... my bioterrorist? is printing out a lot lately. Is it my blog or th ... 3/14/19 I didn't get to finish my sentence yesterday because my bioterrorist? came back in. He just left now doing the usual of walking to the right and in between the book cases which tells me he is going over to the IT department. Dishcharge in the front has stopped. Itching has pretty much stopped. Different kind of discharge in the back still going on and on my body on the left side where it is "sunken in" compared to the other side being swollen, has much pain multiple times throughout the day. ... 3/18/19 So because we got some notice and I was driving we got Chris to go out to eat. Even with the 1500 calorie a day diet Chris is on which is really an advantage to her because I remember it tasting disgusting that it didn't work for me, they give her her rights that she has the freedom to use the vending machines as she wishes. Chris's leg shakes when she stands on it and she's really not better as I see her. The fucking contraption seemed off again as to where it's supposed to be. Was it even on the correct foot? I don't think so. It was on over her brace on her paralyzed leg and although I don't remember, something just seemed off about it. They are not carrying out the medical necessity that she should be walking more and Claire isn't going there to walk with her. I would never expect Claire to because I know there is something totally off about what happened at the Morris County Surrogate's Court. Today when mom got a call about having another aide I had her hand me the phone at one point because she needs to speak up now about all the stress we have been under when anyone comes in and doesn't speak English and we can't communicate. Claire is not around and so does not know what is going on yet all the power has been given to Claire, not for mom but it's a no-brainer what happens with me being left out of Christine's life. Having someone that drives would be great but due to insurance they have to drive mom's car - that was a lead balloon and it sounds like it's illegal for them to ensure an English speaking person. This thing that mom is saying about she needs someone around at night for dinner well she didn't relay what we've already been over that if that's not available she can have her dinner cooked before they leave for the day. COPE. The inability to COPE. As far as the stranger that helped us I had a hard time spitting out the words "thank you" because every time I tried saying anything I was choked up with emotion. I did hug that stranger though as a thank you. I did get a kiss on the cheek but I'm Irish and it's St. Paddy's day so there's nothing out of the norm on that. ... 3/19/19 So today the rage popped out of my mouth as my life flashed before my eyes that we were left with this incompetent immigrant in America. I have a new crack(?) in my tooth and said I'll go to a dentist when she goes and fixes the surrogate's court. Mom told me to stop talking shit. Yes this is the incompetence we were left with and I assume it would be the fault of the Surrogate's Court who, when my father died, did no investigation before handing my mother the guardianship papers to sign. I need the statute of limitations to be waived for many things.That "stupid bitch" had us completely fooled growing up. ... and actually last night I remember screaming on my way home of the pain I still have from my August 2018 bioterrorist before suddenly on the dimly lit road I was upon a family of deer. I avoided hitting any but a bambi hit into me behind me someplace. I'm lucky no damage. I looked in my rearview mirror before I pulled over and the little guy was flailing its legs to get back up. ... 3/21/19 Today I went off on mom in her response to me letting her know the battery will soon run out for the garage door opener. Instead of letting her family know who can change the batteries she'll wait for a guy passing by who can help. That's the kind of stranger help we got on St. Paddy's day. I told her what to say to her grandson that when he has a minute in the near future, can he give her a hand in changing the batteries. Same shit different day of playing Russian Roulette with our lives. There was a night that I had to wake her up because I couldn't open the door. I don't remember what happened with that. I don't remember if mom had to work her way down the stairs or what happened. ... 3/23/19 Last night I was reminded how we were failed. Just like an 11 year old gets a cyst on her fallopian tube from Fukushima so this 13 year old got TMJ. The insurance had us go to their doctor, which I don't know about then but I know now (since 1997) they can be sued for that. Their doctor said there's no correlation so that the TMJspecialist in Suffern my mother took me to said 13 year olds don't get that. Instead of getting a lawyer mom spent thousands of dad's money on treatment. When I was 21 it was discovered my teeth were loose from a hygenist who was no longer seen. There was no wherewithal to get a lawyer since I was stuck with the life I had under mom and since I was in college, but I did my own research and found out a jaw bone broken in childhood starts to deteriorate in adulthood. I let mom know all this this morning and she didn't look at me and didn't know what to say. I let her know that she has really forgotten all that I've been through and that her lack of memory is not going to help her out. Claire? She wasn't around or involved to witness these things and Morris County owes me billions for what I've been through. Like I've known a long time ago it's not healthy the way Claire talks to mom since Claire became a mother because Claire doesn't get the edge of unreality mom rides and Claire helps push her over the edge. There's more but I have other stuff to do as I await the billions of dollars Morris County and/or elsewhere owes me. It's bad enough what this uneducated immigrant did to our lives. Once she had a man making money to secure her in life, that's all her poor growing up needed. Oh how we suffered. What a fucking menace immigrants are to coping with these situations just like the illegal immigrants here that in order to keep their jobs here they don't make a big fuss so they swear they understand the ADA. They have obvious ptsd issues from the lives they come from but instead of getting a diagnosis so their job can give them a very simple accommodation they just spend money to compensate for it. The other day my tooth below the newly cracked one hurt really bad but I just did some chiropractic massages to the gums and it is livable as I wait to die from being left under the care of incompetent immigrant guardians. ... 3/24/19 So a few years ago when I had a chance to be out of here when ice slid my car to the train tracks but there was no train, that's one of the roads of multiple problems in this sleepy town that someone must be asleep at the wheel of which we had our life changing accident on. Too many years too late they put in a mirror for the bad turn that exists there. I take that road every time feeling like my luck is going to run out and today it almost did. The mirror they put in is not sufficient t see cars coming up the hill and when a pick up truck had to skid to a stop as I made a turn I said outloud it's a real problem - of course with my window up while he was opening his - like happened with the guy who was driving in my lane in the middle eastern take over Dunkin donuts parking lot I entered yelling at me that I'm an asshole when HE was in MY lane. This past year I started driving to a business where they have one of these bad turns and only after my first time doing that, in the history of my life, did they put up a mirror so someone who doesn't have the right of way can see if someone is coming down the hill or not. Finally? Really? I could go on about some other things but it's more important I point out that when I was reminding mom of her complete lack with my dentristry long ago, I also reminded her that she had a chance to get used to lawyers when her youngest child kept telling her to call a lawyer about a tenant that was not paying rent. She only listened to Aunt Maureen about all the laws in the city protecting tenants not connecting the dots that the tenant was white, able-bodied, single, and had no kids. It's a very expensive billion dollars Morris County is going to pay to a handicapped person simply by refusing to believe that an injured child was ignored by the caregiver parent. I don't know if it's coming from them but I'm over owed it. Of all the pain I live in everyday over child injuries that were never taken care of properly by an immigrant running loose in a country with no oversight. Yep.
... I had a rare dream about Christine before I woke up the second time today. We were just hanging out through the day not living in a nursing hom but living someplace. Mom wasn't there and I was helping Chris throughout the day. I specifically remember about the dream when I helped her get dressed and when she was half dressed it was obvious she has a good-looking body like we all had. The end of the dream was Christine asking me if I heard a timer go off. I haven't been remembering my dreams lately. Most of them are full of much activity and have to do with Africa. ... On the bioterrorist front, I've felt some old pain coming back. It feels like the left side is permenantly damaged but that could just be infection that won't leave. ... I have seen the older black man wearing camaflouge look at me at the university and then go sit back down at the table outside the computer room. I looked right back. You don't take me frivolously. You really don't. ... and then I'm not sure if it was the same one because this time I remember it being a bald camaflouged dressed black man that walked this way and walked in front of the lab window which bring him toward the IT dept if he made a left. ... He sood up, put on a gray sweatshirt over his cammies and went to ask the reference desk librarian a question and the librarian is now at the table assissting him. Time is 4:54pm when the librarian went back to his station and I totally didn't get done today what I wanted to. ... It's not a sweatshirt. It's a jacket. Rain jacket? but a spring jacket. ... I noticed while he was leaving which was about 4:58pm. Ok so I guess I'll go to the bathroom and I am so far behind because I'm a perfectionist. After having a bioterrorist act happen to me from an internet stalker it's not far fetched that I'm going to go into the bathroom and check the stalls first. ... and at 5:14pm, could that be the other black man I referred to when I said there's another person that seems tied into the bioterrorist. He walked to the front from the back to ask the librarian something. Is this why there was a young black student sitting in front of me the other day that seemed to give me menacing eyes looking up from his computer screen as I was standing? And as I walked away he made as if he was never looking at me but looking at the computer screen. Is this the can of worms young and stupid opened up? ... 3/25/19 So my little bout with mom today started with when I heard the news say the Marijuana bill wasn't going to go through. Yesterday it sounded really good it would. I said to mom who had to have me repeat what I said that this is just a bouncing ball they're playing with. That this has to do with hemp and then I reminded her we already talked about hemp and she's heard of it and I reminded her the Mayflower's flags were made with hemp and you can build houses with hempcrete just like hemp oil can cure cancer and then I rolled right into how it might be able to help Christine's seizures as Coconut oil might but she's not getting proper care. She's put on one med that puts her on another med such as the thyroid medication. Mom said thryroid runs in the family. I lost it! Right now I realize she's referring to Aunt Maureen. AM was treated for polio in the 1940s and immediately(?) was put on thyroid medication for life. smh. Anyway I was like "bullshit ma. When my teeth were discovered at age 21 to be loose" she cited how it runs in the family because her cousin has that. "AT AGE 21?!?!" I think not! That's the negligent medical care we were left in and Morris County or someone is going to have a dip in their earnings because it's coming to me! ... 3/27/19 So I have to retrace how my tiff with mom happened but Claire and her stranger husband shredding personal family things is a real problem. Mom doesn't remember the name of the TMJ specialist, or how much she paid. If you look back in this blog you will see how Claire shredded an old bank state with a bank we used to be with and it had my father's name on it. Records are most likely with that bank and if ever I get the justice I'm due I need to provide the proof. Now that I'm older, drive, and am familiar with the area, I tried to walk her through where we would have gone. The negligence our lives were left in. I see that there's been 3 views to my blog since I posted the day before yesterday and I hope it is a lawyer or law school who will go to bat for me. Statute of Limitations is inappropriate in our lives based on the nature and age of our injuries and the lack of follow-up. Deanne fucking Wilson had our lives in the palm of her hand and fucking ruined us. Mighty Mouse doesn't have a clue that his marriage setup through The Way International doesn't belong in our lives. At any time the fumes that almoste killed me on Sept 14, 2001 are welcome to take me out at any time with things the way they are. ... my bioterrorist sitting all the way to my right against the other wall? Lots of papers. Gee what could that be? ... ah and the camaflouge guy from Saturday sitting with pen and book at the table in front of the lab at 6:33pm. And my bioterrorist? walked straight toward the exit 7pm after taking a right but I don't think it was the IT department he went to. He could've walked straight for that. ... No actually that was a different camaflouged guy. That's a guy I see here often. I thought he's faculty but have no idea. The bald headed black man who hadn't looked up from what he was doing threw me. ... ah I think little miss Kit KAT commercial just walked out of here at 10:30pm with her white shopping bag and red writing. Those braids of hers really long. That reminds me the trend of black guys dating Filipinos around here is gone. Welcome to the gang? ... 3/29/19 So today for some reason I let on to one of the people who's known me since childhood who I am by saying I wanted to marry her son in grammar school. Sure enough yet again my smile blew my cover after I said my first name. Me seeming so familiar and all else fell into place. I asked her about last I knew where he was living and married but it turns out he's divorced and not doing too good due to what sounds like trauma to the brain. If he knew what I know he'd turn to natural things for care. ... when the black man in cammies I thought was a professor here came in I thought I heard him say "I give up." There's other black people I keep note of. Waiting for an arrest of my bioterrorist but won't hold my breath. What else is new in this life? I mean when something blew over relative to young and stupid within the past year, even the janitor walked in walking over to my area seeing what kind of a mess I was making. When I stayed nearby with my food because the Friends room is too far, suddenly there were signs up in the computer lab about throwing out your garbage and keeping it clean. I'll say it again that the black community needs to be investigated because they know something, did something, or know someone who did something. Was it the janitor that took my sign down from the bulletin board about the tribe get together? just like young and stupid put an end to everything I was working on such as fundraising etc. but then Mr. Hypocrite himself wound up in the same area doing a fundraiser. Don't be blind. He brought trouble to everyone. ... 3/30/19 A cavity filling fell out today. I don't know where from. Probably the same place as the crack in my tooth. Teeth grow back you know with the right natural rememdies. Society has just been steered away from nature. I haven't had time to thoroughly look up what things but I'm pretty sure mint is in the right direction. I'm pretty sure it's the filling done by the medicaid dentists at the nursing home. I nevere was on medicaid but those are the only ones available at nursing homes and they are CRAP dentistry. I can't remember if it's the nursing homes that provide crap dentistry or medicaid dentists that provide crap dentistry. Does Claire know this? No! she doesn't even know what the hell she is doing. Not a clue about a medical life and the cult she's in helps her stay that way. Are we reading Mighty Mouse? Anyway maybe it will be an infection to do me off because I sure as hell did not have my life slammed into a MACK truck for this. ... 3/31/19 So soon I'm going to drink myself to sleep after being here about 11.5 hours today. The two or 3 black men printing things out and seeming to be onto me are noted. The first one that I thought works here and I thought said "I give up came and spoke to the one that took the computer in front of me before he left. A different (younger?) one altogether then replace hims. Any prospects for an arrest of my bioterrorist? I felt relieved watching a video of pretty Ghana and the Ghanian perplexed by African Americans who say they'll never go to Africa and it was just nice to hear a perspective of an African on that issue at around 5:30 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA3q-af-nFE. ... 4/1/19 Starting late today because mom woke me after 4(?) hours of sleep so I had to get more. Huge relief I finished transferring all my stuff from my G+ community. I need to call the NJBIA later in the week or beginning of next to see if they can make miracles happen. After all this, they can get us injured children some justice? ... 4/2/19 So today's tiff with mom had to do again with her reckless getting rid of evidence. She needs her old phone fixed and I'm all for fixing and keeping the old because new ways are cheaper and less secure with EVERYTHING. I'm not getting rid of Mighty Mouse's threatening messages. Mom has been unduly infuenced by the ones she always complained were brainwashed. I'm too outside the American norm for her destructive immigrant ass to make sense of and be comfortable with. Complete medical abuse. It might be better she get a new phone and I'll get this fixed just for the sake of keeping evidence. Last night the black man with the cammie jacket that I thought worked here was here after a certain time. When I saw police enter with a bullet proof vest on I got to thinking if there will finally be an arrest of my bioterrorist. The pain in the left side of my body is not going away and there's some itching but the discharge has very much gone away. Someone literally needs to save this life in it's unique situation. Or not. ... and thre he goes (my bioterrorist?) at 3:48pm with printouts in hand walking to the right. IT is more straight. ... 4/5/19 The cammie guy that I thought worked here was here again. The same one that kept walking by me the other night/day(?). I've been so busy I'm forgetting my days. The bioterrorist pain is not going away and hurts even more yesterday and today without the discharge. ... 4/9/19 I just don't want to be here today. I just don't want to be here today. I just want to go drink my life away. I just don't want to be here today. Children slammed into a mack truck and the deputy surrogate ignored all my phone calls and emails and practically hung up on 2 people calling on my behalf and the uneducated loose cannon left in charge of our lives. I'm left wide open to a bioterrorist while I'm not going to a doctor. I just don't want to be here today. How about some justice some place in my life? Oh but I'm of white privelege so that's enough? When my liver has exploded from being diseased will that be enough? I just don't want to be here today. I just don't feel like saving the world. I need visibilty to more members in my group and on my twitter. Google+ shut down so the evidence of my internet stalker/bioterrorist act is wiped out at least on the user end. The black community at the university knows something or did something or knows someone who did something and there is nothing being done about it. Will I stay here tonight? A waste of gas to get here? ... 5/6/19 #njlegislature #njstatuteoflimitations #savealife #stevenBenvenisti gofundme.com/some-justice-4-children. 40 yrs later isn't too late for children under the circumstances. Can 128 on it's way.

5/26/17 (being left at the end of blog because it's the pinnacle of this blog). Dear #MtLaurel Attorney(s). I am in receipt of your 30 day threat to pay over $3000 to a credit card that I think was taken over by #Citibank but I can't be sure on the take-over. I have no problem paying my debts; always planned to do so, but I need a job to do so. You should direct your potential lawsuit to either the State of New York who failed my Bachelor of Science degree or The Morris County Surrogate's Court who got away with negligence in the medical care of injured minors; in that case send it Attn: "Christopher Luongo, Deputy Surrogate." His impatience with this matter was quite obvious when he practically hung up on 2 people that were calling him for me and my sister from the Independent Living Center. I have no problem with your threat - I've studied case law way too much to understand you are just doing your job as a lawyer but the phrase "you can't pull blood from a rock" applies here even though in my wildest dreams it was never supposed to apply to me. You can also go after my mother for that money who is floating around free in this country not having to face the real medical and legal realities that were upon her after the death of my father. Based upon my story you can see how she gives immigrants a bad name but - oh actually I forgot there is one other entity you can put your lawsuit to and that is the no-fault insurance who along with the Surrogate's Court and anyone else, knew we were not in the proper medical and legal care that is available in America. That's pretty much all I have to say and I hope you see this because this is all I have to say. In thirty days from now it will be just another day IF I'm still here to talk about it. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, MaryJaneButler formerlySyracuseYork.

.... This is for another day now! I'm about to put here a conversation I had on religion:

Final descent - My life with an ignored brain injury

Monday, December 9, 2019

Monday, July 30, 2018

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Monday, December 9, 2019

Monday, July 30, 2018

Brain Injured in need of legal help

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