Got
the opinion today that the children's hospital I was let go from isnt
going to help me because there's nothing in it for them. If that's the
case I really need to let go of this life. Something tells me that I was
part of a great human experiementation SPECIFICALLY tied in to that
hospital. c'mon, one of their branches is under PG&e. If that's not
corporatocracy I dont know what is. Then again
the opinion also came from someone who erroneously undermined my life
by guessing I dont want to work so it doesnt mean they'd be correct
about this. I didnt want to let go while my guardian still believes in
those self-protecting lies but I really need to let go if the hospital
lets me go as a dispensable commodity. if the peeps who dont get this
protest still feel the same about me, I'd have to say they're as abusive
as what has led me to this point. *needing to let go*... Just babbling
at this point...
April 25th 2013
Ok
so now that I've thoroughly looked into that I'm probably a doomed
victim of corporate outsourcing and illegal hiring I developed a new
knack for reading all about past lives and if it's true your dreams
reveal a past life then I'm looking at having 3 elements add up: 1 death
in relation to being hanged by the feet 2 a culture that is very
colorful 3 lack of interest/bordering on fear of flying. 4th element
might be the belief of the soul's reincarnation 3 days after death. Even
if reincarnation is not true it's kind of funky to look into!
April 22nd 2013
I'd like to be a member but cant give anything since I'm on my bucket
list and prepared to die soon. No one will hire me even with my bachelor
of science degree and what's probably catapulting the no hire is my
forced hospitalization followed by inadequate legal counsel.
www.cchrint.org
April 21st 2013
Still
alive stretching out my last dollars and getting a wee bit of help from
a donation now and again. After it's gone I'll get word that by some
miracle this injured child is considered properly and can return home
under conditions that work or this recklessly-treated injured child or
will gamble $20 (maybe $40) to try to live a bit longer and head to wait
for the end.
April 15th 2013
...
had
a join-em-if-you-cant-beat-em feeling today so I called up a union to
see wut they could do for me. decided not to leave a message when I was
greeted by a heavy Spanish accent of an armondo something something.
I'll try this again tomorrow calling NY and Nj unions asking the same.
probably no need to call Nj unions since I never had a problem getting a
job in Nj AND I was never medically held against my will like the
lunacy proceedings in ny.
...
I
have to be gone by Friday. Death is that much closer. I have another
place to go but that is irrelevant for my disability needs. Of all the
SOS signals given thruout my disabled life and no one saving me ' I just don't understand how I wind up paying for all the crimes done to me '
this manager has bosses on his case. He's taking orders. I haven't
bothered anyone or done anything wrong. I just stand out due to my
handicaps and NY plates ' ' going home really soon. Not the earthly like I kept trying for because ' recklessness and stupidity I guess was my fate all along '
others
know about brain injuries from combat say I should just go to Nj and go
from there that doesnt sound promising to me - returning without
safeguards for the next time my caretaker (my mother)goes undocumented.
I'm out of time to find out if my mother claims me as a dependent on her
taxes. is that why she's so willing to pay for stuff? I just want to
die in peace. it's agreed my mother was stupid to do things how she
did.... never mind... much too much too much...so someone got away with
being stupid with me long ago. ok congratulations. do something now to
save me but do something different than the colossal failure that has
brought me here.
it's
very clear I want to go to the home where I grew up. it's very clear I
was not given adequate support and guidance. it's very clrar... never
mind. I have no proof anyone is doing anything. it's very clrar she she
didn...
April 13th 2013
Depressed...not
about being called rude...it turns out the guy who said I was rude is
not the guy who gave me a money donation. On top of the prospect of
having to change my environment we're in the company of an ex-gang
member who's here to get away from them
and I dont care if his homies wind up killing me tonight if they find
him and things get ugly here, I'm afraid of getting injured and still
being alive.
found
out today that at least in Calif there existed remedial education in
Catholic school for those who needed it in my generation. wut happened
in my particular case is that I was friends with a girl named Raina who
was so smart she got into school early and skipped some grades. when my
mother tells me she got me into school early I can see wut happened. for
some reason they wouldn't let me in early so my mother being fed up
with this small town attitude insisted I was ahead and got me in early
by taking me to NYC everyday having me use my aunt's address as my own
until I turned 5. then she had me finish kindergarten in the public
school rather than the Catholic school who denied me admission. 1st
grade I was an above average student. that summer I was thrown into a
coma. I'm not quite sure how I never got left back. there was a sense of
urgency some place to not leave me back a grade ever. when I tested
Catholic hs my testing didnt place me in the lowest IQ class so I fell
thru the cracks again. I bombed freshman math so sophomore year was put
in remedial math which I did so well at that the next year they put me
back in reg algebra and I bombed again. Claire's realization of me is
going to drop on her head like a tonne of bricks. not only did her son
have appropriate homework help, not only did he have a normal brother
and home life, not only did he go into an appropriate tech school...when
I'm dead my first line of business is to make her good sex husband go
impotent and deflate the air in her lungs so she can have at least a
clue how right under her clueless nose my life was left to turn into the
pile of shit that it did. with the type of stress I have coming at me
on Monday I'm contemplate not waiting around so long. our accident was
probably a set-up as revenge for my mother proving the schools wrong. lo
and behold there's that Rush song about those changes are permanent and
my father is at fault while alive but my mother kept it up unmonitored
all those years.
me
being kept the same w no extra thought has been deemed "not right. the
school should have told your parents..." and I agree and wouldn't put it
past my parents to decline that advice. I cant remember how old I was
when my 8th grade teacher told me she didnt think it was fair they
didn't tell me my father was dying. that's probably not all she thought
wasnt fair along with many of the other teachers. so help me God the
stupidity passed on to the eldest daughter. the air to be deflated from
her lungs probably matches the amount in her head and the surrogate
Court is just as bad. after taking my shower tomorrow I'll have $148 to
keep me alive for a short time more and then I'll be in and out of
service areas to hear if justice will be in my life or I'll be comforted
by eternity. if I have to leave Monday that $148 goes even quicker.
http://kcra.com/.../174.../19743586/-/syo0c7z/-/index.html
this is what this visitor was getting away from if it's
true that's why they're here. their not necessarily an ex member. . We
have been conscious of the car windows he's been looking in. my hopeful
naivety would think he could be checking for weapons. Reality says he's
looking to steal. His rear tinted windows SUV type vehicle was still
here this morning. He addressed one of us as "homeboy" and then
"gramps."
he
was in prison for 25 yrs and got out within the past 2 months or so.
maybe he's trying to turn his life around which is what gangs dont
like. I cant really help him. he just walked by talking to me and I
responded I dont know. he just walked by with the soup I traded him for
chilli before I knew anything about his history. I kept my distance as
usual and here he comes. Just talked to me thru my window saying to go
to the church at 10:30. "They have a lot of food." He gets it that I'm
not interested in his company but is he telling me that to get me in at a
certain time to break into my car? There go my plans for the day. I'm
not going in for my shower until something changes here. One of the
things he littered (a white bag with things in it) is still there. You
ruin yourself if you litter here. I'm now parked directly behind him on
the other side of the lot. Dark blue SUV/Jeep type vehicle w tinted
windows on the middle and back part and a pretty clear view of the CA
plate. A man gave him $ in front of the green van next to him and he
went back inside to use it I assume. The same guy that gave him money
looks like he's taking video with his phone holding the phone away &
talking w white headphones on. Bald white guy. Ex-prisoner just moved
his Jeep over there and the engine keeps revving. Now he juat moved it
again or drove away. They're both drinking coffee from inside. Ok he's
back 3 spots over from where he was hanging out w the bald guy. Bald guy
was sharing white earphones with him and then gave him the whole device
to use and they're talking/hanging. They were joined by another white
guy in shorts and the ex gang and him walked to go inside and I'm
guessing the bald guy joined them. Just exgang and shorts came back and
cant see them now coz there's a truck in the way blocking most of the
blue jeep. Looks like he handed him his wallet or $ or both w ex gang's
drivers side door open. Now they just made a left out of pkg lot and
left but green van still here. Bald guy just got inside MoM truck
driver's side and I'm moving car and doing shower and laundry
Found
out yesterday that an older guy who gave me a money donation said I was
rude. Have no idea where that comes from. It's probably his best guess
with my NY plates. Actually I was very gracious to him and spoke highly
of him. His donation allowed me to buy another bottle of apple cider
vinegar which should last me 2 Weeks, a pack of cigarettes which will
last me 3 Weeks because I only use 1 cigarette
a day to help me sleep (sometimes 2) and canned goods to give back to
the person here who has been so gracious to me. What was I to think? I
was so thankful to him and when I was gone the next day he asked for me
only but there's other people in need here. He hasnt spoken to me since
and offered his home to others saying I was rude. WHAT?? whatever. I
asked the other what was the vibe they got the day I was gone and it
wasnt good. I said I'd keep it in mind. We came to call him my stalker.
Ok so I go down in history as rude. Just like Claire who raised her kids
around a certain ethnicity that have a rep for being rude so she
compares me to them because she can only see as far as her eyesight will
go AS WELL AS her inability to know her family. Whatever whatever
whatever. A disabled child left to be strewn about by a reckless family
and a failed society. No thanks for the added stress old guy. Next time
you spoke to me I was going to tell you I need a job not handouts but
I'm gracious for your help. Whatever!
April 12th 2013
I
see that my mothers sister is following me online. Well aunt Maureen
this is very serious and beyond your understanding of my American life.
Things just got worse that I need to prepare to change my environment
again next week which has become earth shattering doing so all by
myself. The towel is getting closer. These uneducated women better do
something. Things just got worse. The people in my life
that it seems God made sure were here cant control everything. You
better hurry up aunt Maureen. Me mentioning Edward Michaels highlights
the shit I'm left to rot in while no one takes appropriate care of my
life. I'm not kidding you! You can't give my mother proper advice coz
you dont carry the load she does. I'm not kidding you about my death if
there's not appropriate intervention.
it's
not like I dont know what I'm talking about. my cousin lived here
illegally from Europe for a while. he came, worked making lots of money
installing hardwood floors and then went back at his own free will.
while he was here my mother got her hardwood floors installed cheaper
coz it's family and I'm STILL waiting to die because I have no one
taking care of me and cant get someone to hire me.
Eddie
Michael went back, got married, has kids, ran the family business for a
while. free to move around Europe, and when this last bunch of money I
have goes I have enough money to get back to the east coast in a
justified Surrogate's Court situation, a job that will keep me atleast
at snorkeling level, or return to the universe.
hmmm my post with 90 comments is gone? time to repost them all tomorrow I guess. I'm not dying w/o it being known why.
Found
out that in CA when new manager discovered 4 Mexican workers had same
social security # mngr said "I wont have this" and company said "then I
guess you need to go find another job." That they did. many immigrants
(undocumented) do work for under min wage but there's no way I can get
away w that based on my residency, etc.
my life is worth this? http://m.yahoo.com/.../social-security-risk-impact...
...
http://www.nytimes.com/.../05/business/05immigration.html...
for the legal Americans who wont work these jobs but are able
to, give them no choice but to work them. disabled competent workers can
work!
http://www.pbs.org/.../illegal_immigrants_no_real_thr_11... *gasping for my native north America air*
http://www.cusmia.com/QuickFacts.php
hey Claire remember being all for Ross Perot because of
NAFTA? another piece proving your intellect when it comes to your OWN
family. you were born into an evil bunch huh?
http://www.thenation.com/.../undocumented-immigrants... and I'm very sorry but the price of your "work crime" makes my disability a crime.
...
need to research this law http://news.lawreader.com/.../undocumented-immigrants.../
mom is short-sighted. http://www.fronterasdesk.org/.../criminal-charges.../
it's
not like I dont know what I'm talking about. my cousin lived here
illegally from Europe for a while. he came, worked making lots of money
installing hardwood floors and then went back at his own free will.
while he was here my mother got her hardwood floors installed cheaper
coz it's family and I'm STILL waiting to die because I have no one
taking care of me and cant get someone to hire me.
...
April 11th 2013
Hire
me! Hire me! Hire me! Hire me! Before it's too late hire me! I'm more
than worth the $13/hr part time because I do fulltime work! Hire me!
my
ability to get the work done they want thru my training, dedication,
and persistence. hurry up before my time runs out! B.S. in technical
communications; qualified to do help desk; love people nationwide; the
list goes on. in all honesty I've been so patient with demands and
parameters that I will die soon without a job. hurry up and hire me
before time runs out!!
April 8th 2013
Sometimes
the goodness in people is abundantly clear when it's obvious you're in
need. Sometimes it's not obvious how the universe works but somehow you
wind up around people knowing God probably made that happen.
I
just applied for work in a way which clearly indicates I just cant tell
the employer what they're looking to hear. I stated my case honestly
and honesty is not going to save this sinking ship. I have a flash back
of when a career counselor once told about a guy who got out of prison
and on a job app said he'd been working for NYS govt and it was never
questioned and he was in a secure career. Funny part about me is that I
never committed a crime for the prison I live in. was just the passenger
of a car raised in an inappropriate situation that does not reflect my
job performance.
Fyi
my mother has stated she's not going to do whatever she doesnt have to
do thus if the Court doesnt tell her to live up to parental obligation
etc she's not doing sh*t. The uneducated loose cannon doesnt know the
meaning of pro se. I only have so much time.
April 7th 2013
April 5th 2013
Masonic illuminati on history channel and secret societies. Rip jfk.
April 3rd 2013
April 1st 2013
Research assignment: who was located on floor six tower I and II of the WTC when they fell?
and what did it contain which is most likely the reason the govt wont comment on it? insider information alert.
Kevin
Montanye it's the end of my life. Although my welfare doesnt hinge on
you, by never speaking to me again and playing dodgeball where ever my
existence was, losing my environment cold turkey was unrecoverably
destructive. I guess you also thought I'd never find out that there's no
way you'd be specialized trained as a cav scout if you're a weekend
warrior. My God I made sure you got to college
yet you convinced urself I had no life before you, was the preacher's
daughter type, used reverse psychology in isolating me from my friends,
and I'm the one left with no marriage, no kids, and no career. The first
fight you and Maria had was the same reverse psychology bullshit you
used on me. How do I know? You called me up after you and her had ur
first fight and I told you to give the girl a break. I guess she's still
with you because she's the good girl you always wanted. I never would
have gone for my kids not seeing their grandmother over personal
grievances like you did. And you didnt post pics of ur son because he
looks like you. When I tell you how dead wrong you were abot me wrong
applies to you and dead applies to me now that you've sucked the life
right out of me. So you just cant accept what the Davenport side of the
family looks like. One of them became a tennis champion. Not having my
father around as you threw rocks at my window because you just couldnt
let go is a large part of what did this life in. you never got me coz
you dont get urself and u never will. Ur first fight with Maria was ur
misgiving of her being polite yet ur the politest person people know. My
dad would have saved me from what my life turned into. You dont even
have the decency to own up to you being wrong about the undiagnosed life
you helped ruin. My life never would have come to this had my father
been alive or my mother atleast started dating again. Maybe you
understand things better now that you have kids. some day we'll know how
we ever crossed paths. Until then it's a cosmic accident.
March 26th 2013
sitting here crying watching this video. I just don't have the energy for this game anymore
I just want to work. Even if I ace this game, then I have to get
through an interview (another game). After that I have to make it thru
the social heirarchy game, and on and
on...I need to be home coming full circle with my injured sister who
deserves so much more than living with mentally retarded, etc just
because she has a brain injury. She was a straight A student before a
car accident. She deserves so much more *exhale* http://skillstoachieve.com/yes-yes-resume-formula
$15.80/wk
sleeping med, $9.54/wk daily coffee, $20/wk gas. my $300 left isnt
going to last 2 months (outside of money to get home). money left w/o
paying credit cards is only $10-$50/mo(no exact calculation yet). I can
try getting a job with a bad credit report. I can hope collectors wont
garnish wages.
March 25th 2013
Have
to do more research on it but ironically it looks like one of my
infamous bullies in high school stacy a kaditus had a family member who
was an attorney and what threw me last night was a listing popped up as a
truck accident attorney which drives home the point I was surrounded by
apathetic drug addicts who did nothing to save a life. In hs Stacy
literally had a drug problem sent away to MN for
treatment. She said being there wasnt so bad because they let you
smoke. At the time her parents had fallen out of love sleeping in
separate rooms but staying together for the kids. She would joke about
being Lithuanian but at that age hard to tell it was a joke (if). Terra
maggio is the one who let me know some people thought I was on drugs
(undiagnosed brain injury in inappropriate schooling). Those claiming
I'm living in the past better wake up to a cold case unsolved file
looking back at them. Solve it before I become another part of it...I'm
not sure if Stacy went to MN because of family in the Midwest or the
mayo clinic or both. Her Uncle may have been a corporate Atty instead. I
have enough to buy me apple cider vinegar, garlic cloves, pepper,
herbs, and gas and not sure how long it will last me. Like my mother I'm
not good with planning. My mother is not good with accepting or
communicating. Speaking of which, Stacy lives 1 or 2 Towns over from my
clueless, undiagnosed older sister that the Court has granted sole
guardianship to. Again this is not a dwelling in the past but rather an
above average long term memory and an unsolved case with gross
negligence involved. Maybe corruption is a better phrase than
negligence.
and 1 shower a week and hair dye, etc
what's
probably happening is that Claire let the insurance case worker know I
could be found on Facebook and she's reading everything building a case
against my mother or seeking to have the case closed. Claire doesnt know
that the series of events leading to the police assaulting me all
started with that woman threatening to close the case and then falsely
telling the hospital I was imprisoned in that the insurance doesnt cover
that kind of care. that's why Claire needs to deal directly with the
INS and not this piece of trash nurse who's originally from Troy NY or
thereabouts and doesn't belong in nj.
despite
my grave outlook -not sure if there's a pun there but if so it's
intended- I'm in good spirits today after getting back in touch with a
friend after 12 years. This is one of those really intelligent people
who could have it all but last I knew just wants enough. As I was
re-aquainting myself with their outlook I found myself chuckling and
saying "you're so occupy!"
Tonights
dinner was canned sweet green peas w spam & a clove of garlic
chopped in. TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALERT: constipation sucks!
March 20th 2013
Bad food is putting me in a bad mood. Let's see the nutritional value for tonight's dinner: http://www.livestrong.com/article/454283-do-canned-peas-have-any-nutritional-value-at-all/
not
too bad tasting but still not my full meal. once I had to start eating
this crap got sick with what I guess is seasonal allergies. never had
anything like that til I lived in govt housing downtown syracuse. green
mint tea cured all my symptoms but cant buy that without $$$. one food
pantry included Chinese oolong tea which is a good thing. the bad part
was I took 1 bite from the power bar before I noticed its expiration
date was 2011.
it's
actually easier to die this way. I'm hating life living like this.
instead of having natural or somewhat natural peanuts to snack on before
sleep I had to have some canned chili w beans. gross as a snack. threw
out the portion sticking to the sides of the can.
this
sucks. guessin I woke up at 2:20 coz I couldnt breathe w this "cold"
doesn't helpthat I dont have a usual sleep aid due to $$. had another
place say they wouldnt help me coz I'm single and they only help
families.
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