Friday, May 23, 2014

January 2nd 2014 
My nephews get together to go visit a friend where they grew up. Mom reunites with her 5 sisters at any
time (used to be six but the one who correctly identified that I was not the dead child died about 17 yrs ago) and she still can't connect the dots of the only thing I have is to take my sister to a get better plan. It's not uncommon for those type of immigrants to not have a fucking clue. The danger is having them. .. nm

my youngest nephew didn't know i was in a coma for a month and lived in a hospital with Christine for 8 months. enter The Way International for Claire to stay focused on happiness rather than reality i guess?

i'm the neglected child, a hazard to myself the longer this lingers on *crying* as i get myself drunk and wait for the end.

last night mom said "why don't you go get yourself some friends?" i threw it back at her about brain injury social ramifications (AS IF IT HASNT BEEN HAPPENING UNDER HER FUCKING NOSE AND ALL SHE COULD DO WAS FUCKING MAKE FUN OF ME - THIS IS YEARS OF TORMENT) so she switched her sarcasm and said about a job. she already has that answer

January 7th 2014

Dan Windheim - About Traumatic Brain Injury

January 8th 2014  
For all the innocent ladies out there accused of trying to change a man. We carry on the human race.Ready or not you're about to change. We could have settled this issue decades ago when this song came out in 1969 and made it our national anthem

January 11th 2014
Mom's not looking so good. Dug up court attorneys report from 4 years ago and it contradicts four months of what she saidto the mediator. Lesson learned: DON'T LIE

January 23rd 2014 
This might give me the perspective to vote. Seeing Dances With Wolves when I was seventeen zapped my
interest in what this country is based on. When I voted eleven years later for the first time oh gee what a setup corruption with hanging chad votes on top of electoral college cancelling out the popular vote. Would this perspective really cancel out corruption?

Straight from the lion's mouth. — with René Upshaw and 3 others.

January 26th 2014
Time to start drinking myself to sleep. Came across a cyber acquaintence with same maiden name as getting away with neglecting the neglected child. I'm just waiting to die as I hear her talk about all these other former children that never had the needs of a comatosed child turned vulnerable adult. I'm her embarrassment. Been watching The Godfather for about five hours now. Was never really into this movie but about 1/2 hour in does talk about how the only way the family is going to get by is narcotics. That's consistent with what my Sicilian friend told me once - that nothing was bad about the mafia until drugs came into the picture. Thinking about the (not) irony in Claire's HS nickname of "Rocco" and the Italian mama who destroyed my perception of trust in the world when I was a teen named Jean Rocco aka Jay Lori.

That's also the time when future cop Colleen Kober told me that if I wasn't passing my driver's test to just wear a short skirt. There's mom reminiscing on the phone w/ family making no fucking connection that I'll never have such things.

Cheers. I'm guessing I find no drug charges for colleen's brother Michael because she knew what strings to pull yet she couldn't connect the dots between NYS corruption and my mother's inability to move on and provide for her children IN AMERICA.

of all the people that interact in christine's life one possesses unconcerned disregard. gee mom got back what she's so good at...just realized that. Anyway there's a circle of people relative to this one who, unlike the one, are interactive and helpful. there are times when the disregard poses a danger to Christine. mom has been complaining for a while that she has to put up with this person and she cant say anything about it. that's the attitude that crashed this life. unlike christine's sheltered life i had to go out into the world and exist with that lack of strategy type teachings. CRASH. mom learned a lot from giving the court a reason to order Claire out of the house but didn't deal with it constructively so the kids left in the house suffer her refusal to go back to the land she came from to raise them in an honest life and not in a take-a-bow life. CRASH.

had discussion with mom about left knee right back connection and eventually heard her say someone told her long ago that if Christine is paralyzed on the right side she was injured on the left side of her brain. i asked if she knows i have left hemiplegia and she grew silent. I'm telling u this loose cannon is guilty of neglect along w/ a bunch of other people. like a fucking child she grew silent. trust me there's been enuf murder-suicides around here to make it a trend. this dumb bitch just did another no-brainer asking where her money went. it is ok for sleeping medication to come from the pharmacy but not from the liquor store. no answer to that either. GIVE THIS LOOSE CANNON WITHOUT A MEMORY A BOOT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. STUPID. i'm just going to shut the fuck up for now while everyone contemplates the lives this woman had no business raising in this country.

just informed mom AGAIN about my history of sleeping meds, their cost, and eventual ineffectiveness while pointing out she can say for certainty christine's diagnosis but is completely dumbfounded as to the meaning of left hemiplegia.

gave her 2 pgs worth of income, out going bills,and history of sleep meds / conditions. she's fucking ignoring it. yesterday she her usual ... forget it. i don't see how this situation is going to be saved. was supposed to hear back from mediator last week about findings to be submitted to the court and never did. it's possible it's just not done yet woke up this morning wanting to drink myself back to sleep but cant afford it. a heavy load of needing to empty my house out and no one to physically help me. what i need done is beyond what professional movers do. i start to lose my house in June if i dont pay up the taxes. the stress is too much. i see no way out of this. just want to be resting in peace soon.

January 29th 2014
Leonard talking dirty to pryia (or trying to) is a good depiction of when my long term ex wanted me to talk dirty to him. I'm not into phone sex or mindplay. Victoria Secrets for the bedroom is a waste of money as I saw it at the time. I've come to understand this phenomena a little more.

Just came across something indicating Claire either bought or was given my mother's house in Ireland. Is that why the worthless bitch falls silent after saying she had to take the house off the market? AND never said a word she was going to Ireland with Claire in the summer of either 2010 or 2009? THAT'S the type of Shit this paranoid over-the-top immigrant does. Time to prepare my recording device. Instead of dating again or bringing in some other adult to bounce her perspectives off of me and Christine had to put up with constant loose cannon ways with no one around to shut her up. On Sunday Christine told mom in the midst of her flurry "don't worry." Mom made a song out of it and continued on. On Monday I had to deal with her flurry and shut her up with doing something to call the bank so she could know what her balance was.

She's only using me. When I would talk to her about taking care of the surrogate court situation based on how much she's able to get done with me here she says "oh a lot of what you've done has been helpful." Helpful? It's the same game of Russian Roulette. That house was a safety net for me in case and it's too late for me to have adult protective services or I don't qualify coz I have too much intelligence just like my youngest nephew. atleast he has a father and stable mother to protected him - well Claire is sarcastic and hardened as in denial about a lot but still. We specifically discussed the house w/ the mediator and that's when mom said the above w/ no further info this life needed a plan and this paranoid I'll do as I please and I'm so sick of you you'll find out my plans when i'm dead attitude. The bitch bears and sees me crying out of the blue and as always says "what's the matter?" I grew apart from her with the problems of my life because just when I needed parenting the most would hear me crying and freak out "WHAT'S WRONG? ??!!!" initially I would tell her but her response was always this passive "just ignore it" instead of actively handling my life. she keeps asking me and i'm ignoring her like she did me. Is that why my oldest nephew didn't bother getting in touch with me during christmas? (I in no way blame him based on my behavior/abscence). Here I go doing the paranoia I learned in this house so well. The oldest nephew would be heir to the Ireland house and probably has more of a clue what's REALLY going on here. I have no promise whatsoever there's a secure future for me after our accident mom just used to stare out the window and it was her sister living in england at the time who told her "you can't just stare out a window all day." So mom went right back to doing her selling. IN THIS AMERICAN SMALL TOWN THAT'S TAKEN TO BE AN ADMISSION OF GUILT WHICH HELPED THE TRUCK DRIVER GET OFF - imo I don't know enuf about the case. Sometimes intuition is hindsight. Why was I so upset mom never said a word when suddenly in decades she goes to Ireland with Claire who long before write off how spiritually bad Ireland is? Why am I so upset by mom's silence on a lot of things? Hindsight tells me to really pay attention to other things going on when mom strikes a raw nerve.

confronted her about it and she's saying she has no idea. i showed her it where it's in her handwriting and she still denied it. i asked her the reason for t...doesn't matter... i know exactly why Claire jumped on her back knocking her glasses off her face long ago. i got the idea to go hang at a law library and stay there like i used to for 12 or 14 hrs a day. i have a knack for studying caselaw. having trouble finding a local24hour law library. what would happen is me sleeping from 8am to 3pm and then be studying law overnight but i'm not finding one. Just when I was looking into being a paralegal SU cut out it's paralegal programmed and the other colleges in the area aren't ABA approved which is important.

still haven't heard back from the mediator. cant resist the temptation this morning. according to mom last night i'm not handicapped. she's still telling me to go get a job and i asked ok so then once i have a job then the surrogate's court situation will be tackled. she said "we'll see." i said oh no put it in writing and i'll have it notarized that once i'm working she will take care of this. me having a job is against what the mediator recommends right now but mom has her blinders on - as the mediator has said i do as well. the mediator doesnt feel any of us are fit to be christine's guardian and i'm fine with that. that proves my point that only all 3 of us hold key pieces to giving Christine adequate care or else Christine is better off taken care of by someone else entirely. The best hours of a law library I found are 40 miles away. I'd have to stay at a truck stop 10 miles away. My mother's sister lives 20 miles away but if she refused to take me in when I most needed it recovering from surgery and needing a low stress environment to go to then she can bite me. I

don't have the credit anymore to buy hand,foot,and body warmers like I used to. I still have some left over but who knows how long I'll need them. I still have my arctic suit from Occupy Supply but that doesn't cover extremities. Wool socks alone don't always cut it. The university ironically would be the same one my father went to. If only someone had saved me I wouldn't be staring down a barrel right now. I won't tolerate the silent treatment from the mediator.

ah the stupid bitch this time is not mom - it's the mediator. i am straight jacketing myself with alcohol and things get on the verge of danger around this house and this bitch not only doesn't call me when she says she will last week but i call for the second time this week and now they wont be back til next Thursday. better hope i'm still alive by then clueless.

enuf is enuf with what this jackass has gotten away with. i need to make plans for my own life.

as amanda knox was on world news pointed out to mom i could have turned out like that. *over her head* as i numb.myself for the3rd time today. was tempted to message the person whose mother my mother depended heavily on for comfort after our accident and whose daughter i used to hang out with until perceived social pressure got in the way that i shouldn't be hanging with classes younger than me.

January 31st 2014
Trying to figure out life again. Stumbled across an obituary yesterday of the stepbrother of my childhood nightmare who was about six years younger. (That's why the plow guy came here last night to pick up his payment - after the funeral and reception). His mother outlived him who has been battling Hodgeskins since atleast the 80s. Ironic the stepbrother died from being hit by a car crossing the street which usually always involves a fatal brain injury if it is a fatal hit. Turns out my childhood nightmare spent a year on probation for assault involving a hate crime. The hate part of it was never proven by the grand jury but just like that small mind from this small town he just couldn't break out of homophobia. The sad part is he was found guilty of assault in his own business establishment. Now the stepbrother's son has to go through surrogate court proceedings - I can see it now...he has to be adopted by someone now and being that this happened in a western state now there's jurisdiction questions. I haven't seen any mention yet of who the mother is.

later in this day  as my life flashes before my eyes being medically and legally neglected by an immigrant who had no fucking business being in charge of our lives all i could do was go down the list of all these people from my life who have lives with kids and jobs. mom is famous for paying attention to all these other lives not appropriately taking care of her own children's lives. she never tells Claire about her friends - only me. i had to insist in 2008 that she stop telling me.i dont need to hear about everybody else when my life went no place. i particularly took to the bottle when she told me my ex had his second child and what the baby's name is. then a year later WHAM! a surrogate's court letter shows up in the mail. OH?? gee my welfare used to be with them...what about me???? and i never had nor have any protection from this loose cannon. Clueless fucking clueless.

February 1st 2014  
Oh what the hell? No ex invasions in my dreams! Especially that kind! Lol. Was good to finally speak to you after all these years but...just not in my dreams! What you did was step over a line where those things are allowed to happen in dreams. Out!

much better - not the part about being woken up from little sleep because of a dream but no ex. this time i was talking about life before the accident which is a good sign. maybe that means I'm finally getting at that big secret before coma that's been gnawing at me all these years. maybe there is no big secret. maybe the wall that's been bothering me is the brain injury personality change that comes with brain injury. well time to get myself back to sleep and in a few hours count the 120 or so super bowl ads and see which products are new.

February 3rd 2014 
She's still going on " this has to go to recycling but I can't deal with that either." ... "just hope she calls." This woman is like a case of tinnitus which is fine if in the end i'm included in Christine's guardianship for all the things Christine is missing out on. I'm almost back asleep for numbness. Almost. I'm a witness to the confusion Christine can't speak. 

Some days are worse than others in containing the rage. Mom suggested yesterday about joining a gym for about the fifth time. As usual I say "take care of what you need to at the surrogate's court and I'll do that." In dismissal she waves her hand. It escalates to "I told you what to do or you're going to be sorry. You're not remembering when I held two jobs and went to the gym everyday." I then hear her call Claire and in conversation paint a calm picture over a situation that totally stressed me and Christine out because she doesn't have any coping skills. These flare-ups is the stress Claire received court relief from. These dumb bitches got another thing coming thinking they're just going to do what they did and smooth sail on out of this life. Woke up the other morning to mom's flurry of mouse squeaks over the Britta water not being filled all the way. I tell her filling it all the way after taking a drink is a problem because then it would be done contrary to how she's always said to do it. She then denied the way I said was ever the case. THAT'S THE CONFUSING ABUSE THIS BRAIN INJURED RECIPIENT HAD TO GO THRU WITH THIS UNEDUCATED INCOMPETENT IMMIGRANT IN THIS HOUSE and yet the loose cannon uses it against me ommitting the fact my life is a crash because I was left in her care. Then some stupid fuck sitting on the bench named Deanne Wilson lets it be. Just fucking wait. Just fucking wait..... woke up to a flurry of her shit again this morning until Christine's bus called and said they're cancelling. Then everything was silence. To bring up all the loose cannon things she did before receiving that phone call would be me making shit out of nothing. Keep it up. I date you. The end is near.

February 5th 2014
wow still here after a week but straight-jacketing myself. a week ago today approx, learned mediator was gone away instead of giving me structure to go by that she had promised.

 February 6th 2014
It's all clear now. This incompetent immigrant for her disabled children just sits here while I just sit here. If she's so right and I'm so wrong call the fucking police or get a court order to get me the fuck out of here. What a MORON for the needs of a handicapped child in America. Get the fuck out already or DO something idiot! UGH! and the one friend long ago who refused to get involved saying my mother is "sweet" after cutting her hair every week is now a nurse. Just to think what her response might be now. Oh but it's too late for anyone to save me now.

Mom can say "neurologist " and I'll never get credit. Now there's a chicken commercial about crossing the road by lawyers who help sue which most likely will be used by the parents of the guy recently killed in a western state which my dipshits parents never did. Great. That's what Vodka is for until i'm ready to go.

February 7th 2014
Mom doesn't have as many probs as she makes out. Just she doesn't get the technology while I have a technology degree. Go for it. Keep pushing me or fix the problem. I'm just waiting to die for all the recklessness I've been left in. February 8th 2014 give me a reason to live/stay here and I'll start doing this everyday like i used to before genius Michael P. Mcgee pulled a no-brainer stunt on my brain injured life. mr. manlius thinks he's all that i guess. In response to: "Had really good workout today. Didn't want to at all but made it. Sauna good for the sinuses."

i just couldn't sit through hearing clueless talk to her sister overseas about accepting getting older joking around. Like she prepared me for it. I was going to watch Sochi from 2:30 to 6:00; come here and then go watch Sochi again at 8pm but no I'm going to be numb longer today. Just can't accept this. I could accept this if in the end something different is done but I just had to have a run-in with a fucking stupid judge by the name of Deanne Wilson. What mom could do also is admit I was too much for her to take on because she doesn't know about a lot of things in America but noooo. Heard back from the mediator this morning but last of her message is cut off as to when the report is done. Not sure if this is a waste of time. Not sure how much energy I have left. *fingernails screeching down a blackboard*

greeeeeeaaatt. car problems can happen out of no place.

i only wish to be put out of my suffering. save mom her money in fixing my car (i have no other choice) and let me die with dignity. today mom had problems doing things for Christine because of her hand problems and pulled a me saying in general "help me." i'm tired of having a raw nerve ridden by repeating "go fix ur mistake at the surrogate's court and u'll have help."

mom wanted to know who was on the tv so i told her as usual they're 2 people from Detroit who have been training since they were 7 and 9 unlike me who had no violin lessons, no ballet lessons, no tap dance lessons so i turned into nothing. didn't have the right guidance i needed in highschool either so that's how it goes... she walked out without saying a word. The usual. Doesn't know how to admit.

went to bed early thinking i was numb enuf. cike! Christine lives in frustration not getting the help she needs when she needs it. mom often is napping and Christine has to keep yelling for her. Again someday I'll know why my fate came in contact with an idiot judge named Deanne Wilson. mom doesn't admit it's too much for her so the children dependent on her suffer. me moreso because i never had ... no need to repeat or I'm just too tired. her ignoring all my requests but encouraging irish step dancing makes me think she insisted on staying within her element. Christine and Stephanie's non- irish step dancing recitals are still on display. i had already been under Claire's big sister impression that anything irish sucks but Claire was simply tainted by being blamed for the accident which i had not pieced together at that age. i just want this life over already. better luck next time. wish i could remember my past life.

Worry. Stress. That's what this house has done to me. No protection. Dream of ice skating into a cement wall woke me up after 3 hrs. Worry and stress keeping me awake. Sick to my stomach. No one saved me. Still haven't heard from mediator.

February 9th 2014 
 MY GOD SOMEONE HELP US! Christine is involved in handicapped groups and mom just found out one of the mothers she's friendly with is in the hospital with pneumonia. She and the handicapped daughter live with the older daughter who is a nurse. I asked mom what would happen to Christine if that happened to her. Her response was that DDD would care for her. Great! I'd have the house all to myself to return to spirit because this loose cannon wasn't able to properly care for her handicapped children and she STILL isn't making plans for the what-ifs. Greg Zuk hope ur emissions of light and love get someone competent to take care of this NEGLECT. This incompetence doesn't even address the fact that ... I'm fucking tired ... going to concentrate on something I can actually look forward to.

February 10th 2014
Mediator's report done by the end of the week. Mediator doesn't know who to send it to. Neither do I. Mom doesn't connect the dots the worries she has over her own sisters and that her children suffer the same. I'm destined to kill this bitch from the other side. I'm not going to prison for her ass that doesn't belong in this country raising handicapped kids.

a possible explanation of the people in this family that just don't fit?

I put the evidence right in her face of my first diagnosis when I was a minor and she tried to destroy it. I'm in an escape.

February 13th 2014 
Last I knew the only "her" there was the idiot who knew me before brain injury Colleen Kober-Pascale.

And she's a county college graduate located in Randolph NJ - not Farleigh Dickinson. I can buy the dick in son part. "

Laura Antonelli reviewed Butler Police Department. May 11, 2013

I would like to speak to someone about my son being put in danger and also my unborn baby and when I tryed to press charges the cop says if I press charges I'm the one going to jail,and after that I became aware of your officer receives sexual favors from her for him to turn the cheek

618 likes Like

Melissa Wolfe Smail Hey.. Contact some of the news stations...they have those investigation people...they do stories like this... Like • 1 • May 12, 2013

Butler Police"

later in day
i need a life. if time were turned back i need a father right up to college. i needed so much destroying me now. if my california job is still there for me to return to (usually not a problem) then i need someone on the east coast to help me end my affairs here...i just need too much...that's why intervention is needed for an uneducated immigrant with too much pride raising medically needy children in America. we would have been happier raised in Ireland or some other viable place alcohol is helping me sleep soon (as i listen to sleet from this megastorm fly against the window).
i woke up to this life four hours later trying to get myself back to sleep. my cup runneth over.

just had a flashback that had i not gone to college i would have been labeled a loser and the fact college and choices amounted to nothing for me i'm still a loser. Claire is not as disabled as me and can and always has seen that and KNOWS FROM MY OWN CONVERSATION WITH HER that i do NOT. I was too young...too developmentally needy at the time and that never changed. Then this stupid bitch gets away with it in the end...and she still goes on!...she still stresses us out and lies when she needs one is saving me from this! I need intervention. To a degree she has the mediator fooled...

if you follow all my status updates you'd understand In my mother not knowing what she really want(s)(ed) she wanted certain things out of her children. After my father died when I was twelve carried on his wish to have his kids go to college. Claire dropped out right after he died but I was only twelve...long story short ...dont know how to shorten it...but thanks for being there

February 14th 2014 
time to go home and drink myself to sleep and deal with the stress. happy valentine's day everyone.

come to think of it i was 17 at the time we started dating and he was 19 working in a factory day in and out. oh well ... life destroyed although it was a heterosexual relationship. No fatherly protection from a man with a Romeo & Juliet complex of throwing rocks at my window after a fight. No motherly protection. These are the days before stalking became to be. I always have Vodka for my second high before I sleep I guess; meanwhile he has his children and wife (I assume still). I didnt touch on his beauty and the beast complex. Well I'm no longer a beauty so i guess it's ok for me to go. In this case I support the fourteen year old parents even tho me and my ex didn't know each other before he turned eighteen.

February 15th 2014 
Screw it. Going back to sleep. Been awake since 5am waiting for the snow to fall for a while so i'd be awake to play musical cars for plowing because the park plan didn't work out. It's all supposed to be over NOW after 9pm. I'll be awake then. Hope this works out ok.

mom said how she doesn't want to deal with this driveway situation and i said well I'm not dead yet. for her to go fix her mistake or I'll be dead. there is so much stress here but Christine has been scared into acting like everything's alright...just like me. Only now i see how much mom is not capable but Christine has no choice because that's her caretaker. I WAS THE SAME only i'm paying for it. i can hear Christine swearing in frustration. mom can't because mom's hearing is on the blink.

alot of what i leave here is records about what's happening for when I'm gone. i was a developmentally disabled child from a month long coma and no justice at the hands of many. i'll respond to you more another time. right now i have to leave another record...

so i find the friend list of my ex's niece that includes his mother but not him. i relay to my mother this is the case because as she was told by her one time "i hardly see that baby. he's mad at me for things I've done." MOM NOW DENIES SAYING THIS WHILE I HAVE AN ABOVE-AVERAGE LONG TERM MEMORY. his oldest niece is the reason for the rift in the family because it was out of wedlock. my ex directed me to have an attitude toward his niece years ago because he didn't agree with her engaging in casual sex. i was the fool who gave into his pressure. also for the record, the phone transfer banking i showed her how to do, she's doing right now....make note of it before this old fashioned cold Ireland fish completely denies it. she just tried to deny it now that she knew what to do that they have an 800#. just like she convinced WHOEVER that she knew how to raise two medically needy children in America. She just said to me for me to go because she needs her space. OH NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. she needs her space now that she knows there's a witness here able to better see thru her CONFUSION of children who didn't know better. For example yesterday the garage door wouldn't close because the shovel I used was in the way of the door closing sensors. In hindsight that's why Christine had such a problem with me later on (over something I didn't do) because mom came up the stairs after door incident going on and on and on and on of how much of a pain in the ass I am.

i was going to respond to your personal msg to me from 2 hours ago. i just woke up. you need to unblock me in order for me to do so.

a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention.

February 16th 2014 
yesterday i stopped dead in my tracks in pleas for help after coming across a sign in my newsfeed to the effect of "worry about nothing but pray for everything." It's a long story but it's been a long time since I even paid attention to prayer in light of recent revelations of lost books of the bible and internal capabilities we all possess. It took me cognitive time to narrow this:

a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention. February 19th 2014 a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention. Some psychotherapy for the day.

February 20th 2014 
 I was just jolted out of bed by disturbance (mom calling me to get the kitty litter out of my trunk). Run downstairs to mom pretending to cry (usual stress like she did with my driving) and start putting some salt down. As i'm doing that the phone rings up two flights of stairs. I tell mom she doesn't even know if kitty litter will work that it was a suggestion but it's a usual idea for car traction and not walking. Go all the way up stairs to check msg and bring mom's phone to her...long story short ... this chaos happens w/o me being able to take a first morning pee, we wasted salt because christine's ride called from around the corner that they were turning back after seeing the bus in front of them slide down the hill, and mom wants to know why i'm standing out there w/o a coat on (!!!!) Really? ??? This is the everyday stress that didn't belong raising two medically needy children all by herself in a foreign country - one child of which can express how something is really wrong that instead of having medical needs met, all is always a PROBLEM. Getting away from that stress is then used against the expressive child. Riiiiiiggghht. Lh

 February 23rd 2014 
In my favorite time of day. The numbing time. (And the Big Bang theory time).

2nd round. ironic i came across the example of the person from h.s. who went to go visit ca and never came back. they actually live w/in five miles of where a california careless driver rammed into the back of me and took off. been brought up always compared to all these other lives (nondisabled i might add and mom was collecting social security for both me and Christine the whole time against my knowledge - loose cannon in the extreme). no one took proper care of me and then in the end some dumb bitch judge named Deanne Wilson makes the bottom fall out. something to remember me by when the time comes.

was in a deep sleep when the clock went off which i otherwise would not hear had i not fallen asleep on the couch. thought i could go back to sleep unassisted but no such luck. heard yet another example of mom compensating for the mess she made.

something fell out of place on the table while her and Christine were eating. i hear mom say "it's ok. it's ok." she created in her the fear that nothing can be out of place and now that we're monsters she has to try and backtrack.

Christine can speak way less for herself but i who can speak up has been failed even by stupidity in the end named Deanne Wilson who witnessed FIRSTHAND mom's lack of medical adequacy and then just let it slide. Christine just made demands on mom to check her daily bag that if Christine understood the severity of mom's waning abilities she would not. I did exactly the same yet it is demanded that I pay for it because I should have known better. In the mentality of Claire Mould, I know what it's like to enjoy sex so I should know better. Riiiiiggghhtt.

I woke up this morning just to drink myself back to sleep. Sometimes the thought of the mess i'm in with silent apathy, coldness, and cruel hypocrisy is too much. Christine woke up as usual demanding help from mom oblivious to how unable mom is becoming. I DID SAME BUT BECAUSE I'M HIGHER FUNCTIONING IT'S USED AGAINST ME. MEANWHILE MY NEPHEW WAS RAISED IN A HOUSE OF HAVING HIS NEEDS APPROPRIATELY MET.

a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention. Some psychotherapy for the day.

woke up to the sound of the garage door - mom taking Christine to her Sunday activity with other handicaps. eventually i won't wake up - woot! even if i wont be in paradise everyone will have learned the lesson of falling for a sweet-sounding foreigner with blatant loose-cannon qualities (controlled by a court once before) but not enough to adequately watch over the more severely handicapped children in the house. the alternative is someone intervening.

now i understand why i never heard back from one of my long lost relatives. she works with special needs children and knows all i didn't have growing up adding in some other stuff

February 24th 2014 
No apology or justice for me. Just illegal entry into my house, humiliation, permanent shoulder injuries, unproven brain damage from haldol and ensuing hospital imprisonment.

Police chief forced to apologize over comments about jogger arrest

Ex-Pharma Sales Rep Speaks Out Against Drug Companies
Gwen Olsen used to work for big pharma. She left and wrote a tell all...

don't want to lose my house.

i keep hearing an owl or owlet hooting.

February 25th 2014  
Recently saw a rerun on syfy channel about the murder of a girl in NJ at a mall solved by a psychic. It came across my mind tonight to see if the natalee holloway murder was ever solved. I decided to see what part psychics have come to say about her death. As I was reading the second source curiosity brought me to ask mom if she ever asked the psychics she went to after our accident what happened. She first denied she went to any after our accident so I gave her a specific example of when she came down on me about something over Ten yrs post-accident that a psychic told her. She said "you mean fortune-teller." (She's not that stupid). She said that's probably the last time she went and she's never asked.

I know she's been to others- just cant pinpoint when. this instance I find it hard to believe that of all the investigative research me and mom have in common that she won't bring herself to ask what happened when she's already admitted to a third party she doesn't feel guilty because she doesn't know what happened.

Christine is still having problems with that foot/leg as she verbalized tonight and mom isnt doing anything about it.

Christine has fallen because of that foot/leg before. I have no one in my court for help or guidance to take care of this.

earlier in the day Boohoo. This medically neglected child raised by a legal loose cannon immigrant in this country is waiting to die due to the loss of jobs from the illegal immigrants in this country whether or not the 1% are at fault for eliminating jobs. Beat it! Get out!

Some days i'd rather not be alive so for now drinking myself back to sleep. Put my wasted research skills to work with something I know mom is into yet my skills not appreciated, uplifted, believed, able to come full-circle, etc. *crash*

February 26th 2014
 Christine is still having problems with that foot/leg as she verbalized last night in frustration. It sounded like she lost her balance and in dialogue with mom said "i dont know what's going on!" mom isnt doing anything

about it. Christine has fallen because of that foot/leg before. I have no one in my court for help or guidance to take care of this.

later in the day a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention.

later in the day drinking myself back to sleep in this vacuum of silence. i didn't stay away from this madness all these years just to have some dumbass named Judge Deanne Wilson make the bottom fall out. take care of this and i'll go to AA if need be and get a job and/or gym membership, etc.

February 28th 2014  
I have made multiple phone calls for mom in the past couple days over the things she's more comfortable going on incessantly about rather than DO something about - the trend that raised me. Armed with the info I

have provided her she just left to do those errands complaining that she can't do it all on her own. I yet again said to go take care of the important things and she won't have that problem.  She blew it off as I am talking shit. I said that all these years instead of paying for stuff she could have sought out a medical/legal plan for me (since there was clearly a problem she kept secret from everyone). Did I get through? We'll never know.

a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention.

drank myself back to sleep in this vacuum of silence. i didn't stay away from this madness all these years just to have some dumbass named Judge Deanne Wilson make the bottom fall out. take care of this and i'll go to AA if need be and get a job and/or gym membership, etc

Christine is still having problems with that foot/leg as she verbalized last night in frustration. It sounded like she lost her balance and in dialogue with mom said "i dont know what's going on!" mom isnt doing anything about it. Christine has fallen because of that foot/leg before. I have no one in my court for help or guidance to take care of this.

later in the day  Christine just lost her balance again. mom's response? "ok calm down. sit down and i'll do it." that's exactly why mom does the dishes now after christine was finally put on seizure meds after falling doing that. Yet in front of her lawyer and to my face lied declaring Christine was standing on the landing waiting for her bus at the time. how bout "ok we need to get you to a doctor because you keep losing ur balance more and more."???????? Btw Christine was upset by the episode and said "it was a good thing the sink was there for me to grab onto!" Followed by a swearing temper tantrum.

 later in the day  Claire's oldest son just gave mom a false address, otherwise I would be able to tell her exactly how far he is from her nephew. I told her he learned how to lie from the best. Her youngest son just got into a car accident the other day. Woooo the devil must be entering their lives with their lying as the culprit. So earlier mom was about to make another expense because of me and I reminded her where me getting a job comes in. Her usual shit came into play saying my father kept me in catholic school and my usual that if she knew what she was doing she would have sent me to public school as soon as he died in 7th grade and then I was diagnosed too late but she's completely disconnected from my life in America... her final out was the past is the past and I stating it created the present monster but she just acts like a dumbass ... too much to record. When I brought up about the current foot / leg problem with Christine she declared "oh that's only happened a couple of times!" Same shit. Different decade. I said "and when is it a few times too many? After she's cracked her skull walking to the bus one morning?" No reply.

 March 2nd 2014
Christine missed her Sunday activity due to mom's weather fear which still hasn't arrived. They would have been home from it an hour ago. Her response was "well one weather report said it would start around noon but what was I supposed to do?" My response was go take care of this situation and she won't have to worry. Her response was a wave of the hand. Yup.

later in the day Christine is sitting here waiting for dinner as mom struggles with pain. i would be helping were i not ignored by this incompetent and inappropriate guardian. Claire had this pressure taken off her by intervention and came back full-circle. go figure.

later in the day mom's complaining she's not really able to prepare and serve this dinner but wont take care of the problem even though my help has alleviated her many times. nice going Judge Deanne M. Wilson, Cristina Mirda esq, and Steven J. Straub esq. nice going.

This morning I heard mom say to Christine she couldn't help her with part of her footware because it hurt her hands too much so Christine doing the usual of trying to lessen the stress said "it's ok I got it."

Containing my rage at the uneducated coldness that turned deaf ears at me today was a REAL challenge. Atleast Christine said from her own mouth again wanting to get better thru the get better plan. When my mother's sister kept insisting it's not a possibility I looked up and let her know how stem cells are treating polio - her condition. What is she going to say now?

a record to be left is this: after i proved my case of how medically negligent mom has been and Judge Deanne Wilson was still handing over the reigns to mom, she said to me "you can file your own..." trailing off. i asked a lawyer after the fact what that meant and it made total sense to the lawyer. He said that she didn't finish her sentence because she would basically be disproving her own decision (paraphrase). either way i am fucked all around without intervention. drank myself back to sleep in this vacuum of silence again yesterday and any given day. i didn't stay away from this madness all these years just to have some dumbass named Judge Deanne Wilson make the bottom fall out. take care of this and i'll go to AA if need be and get a job and/or gym membership, etc Christine is still having problems with that foot/leg as she verbalized
last night in frustration. It sounded like she lost her balance and in dialogue with mom said "i dont know what's going on!" mom isnt doing anything about it. Christine has fallen because of that foot/leg before. I have no one in my court for help or guidance to take care of this. And we all know now mom is passing these foot/leg problems off as frivolous. Edited

• Like • 1 • More • 10 hours ago

"xoxo" Like • Delete • 9 hours ago

ty mhana. i'm probably doomed. As if there's a lawyer out there that can save me. As if Edited • Like •

More • 3 hours ago

Like • More • 2 hours ago

ipheralbloodstemcelltransplant/stem-cell-transplant-types-of-t ransplant

Like • More • 1 hour ago

Like • More • 1 hour ago

Like • More • 1 hour ago

Like • More • 1 hour ago

Like • More • 1 hour ago


Like • More • 1 hour ago
Stem Cell Therapy Used to Cure Polio - Article by Joanna ...

Piedmont Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation P.A. » Blog Archive » Post Polio Syndrome Responds...

1Like • • Promote • Share

Stem Cell Therapy Used to Cure Polio - Article by Joanna ...
research shows that stem cell therapy may be used to cure polio

Containing my rage at the uneducated coldness that turned deaf ears at me today was a REAL challenge. Atleast Christine

said from her own mouth again wanting to get better thru the get better plan. When my mother's sister kept insisting it's

not a possibility I looked up and let her know how stem cells are treating polio - her condition. What is she going to say now?

some of it is no longer research. cancer in america is being treated with stem cells as well as paralysis. polio is atleast being stem-cell treated in India and who knows how many other advances have progressed from research. Christine will and has been missing out on what's available for her because i was cut out of her guardianship. my mother's sister's son is a cop and as he was trying to tell me to give this up yesterday he not only asked if i was saying mom intentionally did what she did (and i reminded him he already knows the difference between intentional and negligent homicide) but he also said i keep bringing up the past when talking about the present and i just didnt get to remind him that when he pulls someone over he must first get their ID and check their history for the reason a previous history raises a red flag whereas there is no history on my mom because she has been flying under the radar. that is why my condition i take Christine to medical care is ONLY with me officially included in her care. Christine is missing out on all of this and no one is correcting this situation.

March 3rd 2014 
Round 3. This needs to come to a head soon. I have a high work ethic left to this stupidity. My mother's sister pointed out Sat. that mom doesn't know. THEN WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THE UNKNOWING PROVIDING CARE TO THE MEDICALLY NEEDY? It sounded like I informed my relatives on Saturday about things they didn't know like mom taking me to her own opinion long ago (never following thru on the specific recommendations). The inappropriate choices, etc.

so i realize now mom is happier with Claire because she sounds more normal with normal things talking to her friend throughout the years about her grandson. I'm just a loser but she has nothing to do with that. riiiiiiiiggghht. we're talking about an overwhelmed prideful woman who is more comfortable acting like there is something mysteriously wrong with me rather than paying attention to viable things. I'm sick to my stomach from too much alcohol and i'm in babble mode.

This existence really needs to come to a head. Saturday is the apex of negligence I can take. I don't know if I got thru about a lot of things. Laying here with star wars on tv with one eye open and finger punching a myriad of life waiting to die. I was a child with no protection from a bully - namely my mother at times. I so needed a father or other figure around this house to keep this woman on more of an even keel. I don't really watch steve harvey but today I caught a glimpse of the segment of the woman who has good instincts but gets rid of good men because she grew up without a father figure and doesn't know better - I know how that goes. I've got people who use me as a stepping stone to advance their careers yet I'm waiting to die. If I could pull myself out of this hole by myself I would have done so long ago. Just want this over with already. I'll stop babbling now.

March 4th 2014
Wth is wrong w FB. not letting comment normally? Round 2.ever since I chopped ice recently my police injury pain won't go away in my elbow. I keep icing it although I'm not as generous with ibuprofen as I am with alfalfa sprouts. I did the chopping with untied shoes and now have a swelled chunk around my ankle of the same leg that's been operated on five times.

I felt pain in my calf and tingling in the left side of my head a few times. Stroke? Woot! I'm going home! I can't take this. I deserve to be recruited for work. I was recruited by a Bob Shepherd once and what followed was sexual harassment. Fuck that! Then he turned around and made a recommendation to stephen novachick that I be psychiatrically treated before going any further with employment! and it was a job with the state which is full of corruption. I can hear mom sleeping as usual who doesn't suffer sleep disturbances like her injured children. Christine sleeps through the night ever since being put on seizure meds. Mom comes out and says no it's due to making her bedtime 15 minutes later. Rriiiiiiiiggghht. The only thing I have to look forward to today is paying some bills and getting to the liquor store. There are certain people who know i'm recruitable and they're just not doing it. So don't employ me. I'll just die.

woke up :(

extreme shooting pain in back of ankle when i took a step that it made me yell out in pain. limping w the pain. took advil. elbow pain felt better before after loading alfalfa sprouts on sandwich for a few hours atleast. 2nd dose of sprouts w dinner sometime soon. fix this very wrong situation at the surrogate's court and i'll go to a doctor.

March 5th 2014 
this sounds as bad as what brain injury victims have been put through.
Help Justina Pelletier: A Victim of Psychiatric False Imprisonment and Human Rights Abuse | CCHR...

Mom's going to get ashes following ritual but as always deaf blind and oblivious to what she can't take care of by herself right under her nose! STRESS! This is too much!

Round 2. This disabled children negligence/morris county surrogate court failure is so coming to a head.

in reply to support:  ty mhana. means a lot to my heart. i so miss my california boss and being in cali where the attitudes are so much more open. she graduated college in the midwest usa but when she left Indonesia it is SO CLEAR to me she is wrapped in a spirit of well-being that fulfills her every need. oh i have to go back to Cali just to survive? hmph

March 6, 2014
It's devastating when friends let friends down.:( :( :(

lovely when your closest friends cancel friend requests while being friends with your ex and other mutual friends. last i saw them in person they looked away as i saw them in the store pretending not to see me. as i got closer acted friendly but got the cold shoulder from me. i saw what they did. as if! this is a friend that goes back YEARS. smh I recently realized the local lingo my ex was part of and I WAS NOT. he had a hang up about "pretty boys". Well my father was a business man pretty boy from the city so get the fuck out and stop ruining the life of a developmentally disabled nice girl who already has plans in life. Destroyed that too. I just need to be dead already. A life wasted and couldn't even be saved by a fucking judge who witnessed what was adverse to us and just let it slide.

it really sucks when the explanation for odd behavior or verging on psycho is all explained with a brain injury and some of the last people for support are some of the closest people in your life. take for instance a friend who went on to help kids with special needs but when it comes to you being a child left behind it's not considered.

no no bff. for how loyal i am everything just fell apart. because my brain injury is unobvious i don't think people knew how much i was petrified and losing it on the inside. upon coming home from the hospital there were the neighborhood kids and the usual friendships/breakups/fights/making up. naturally the closest friends were the ones who lived next door. the bf i had next to me was a hot-headed biatch who even said to me once that i was never going to go becoz i was "scared" (of not having anyone). once i got to highschool our friendship broke apart soon after because i met a group of friends realizing what TRUE friends are - not the type that domineer over you (had a bf separate from the one next door who did same but she broke away from me stating i did something earth shattering to her like say behind her back she's bossy). after i switched highschools i just didnt have the same bonds ever again. for some lost reason. i was given some kind of

diagnosis my senior year of highschool so by the time i got to college all attention went to compensating for my diagnosis and i never hung out to make friends in college. I'd say it was the 4th year in college when the symptoms of a right frontal lobe brain injury were revealed to me and my whole life fell into place: environmental needs of staying in a familiar environment, deficits in socializing, prioritizing, initiation, inhibition, decision-making, etc. In college I was involved in groups but just didn't (or couldn't) make those long lasting friendships and not sure why - probably an unobvious brain injury reason why. NYS ruining my career didn't help matters. Sometimes you make really good friendships in the workforce just out of college but without my medical life being managed and being left to the uneducated care of my family all just fell apart. It's very isolating especially with an immigrant mother whose only job is to laugh at her American daughter's shortcomings because immigrants are to be very successful. I'm babbling - I know. But there you have what's happened all in the end to be failed by the final straw of the surrogate's court when there is such a lack of medical appropriateness in these lives of children.

March 7th 2014 
Woke up to the usual stress of mom yelling because something is always wrong. Heard dogs fighting and thought back to how uncharacteristic it was for my dog to not be playful once I bought my house. It was probably my dog telling me something but it was too late. I had two choices - flame or frying pan. Under the direction of mom I knew nothing about the surrogate's court or anyone else to save me. My nephew grew up in an appropriate life to save him. His hypocritical parents ... anyway

 March 8th 2014
I rarely hear mom lamenting to Claire, particularly about financial woes but tonight I did about various issues. Airhead's response was "hopefully everything works out." Mom was actually awaiting airhead to offer help but she's too brainwashed out of touch with family. She ended the conversation asking if i'm still here which is just a hint that her problems are solved. Riiiiiggghht.

" Emotional suffering and pain are real. It's not a matter of just "changing one's mind." If someone is in a car accident and severely injured, that one can't just "change their mind" or distract themselves and the injury is gone. " "...Dad was challenged with anger issues, possibly as a result from a brain injury due to a serious car wreck prior to starting the family..." " As my manner was, I got 100% involved with The Way. In January, 1978, at the age of 18, shortly after dropping out of college, I moved in with Way believers and got a job in the laundry department of a local hospital.

In February, 1978, I met the president and founder of The Way whose charisma and fatherly demeanor left an indelible impression on my young heart and my desire to serve. He signed me up for the next wave of Word Over the World (WOW) Ambassadors to be commissioned in August, 1978. [WOW was The Way outreach program and involved a one-year commitment, the volunteer serving wherever assigned by The Way.]" " Since 2000 Way leadership appears to have kept itself clean in regard to sexual abuses." " Since exiting I've cycled with a myriad of emotions including periods of bitterness and rage regarding hypocrisy and cover-up, a deep sense of overwhelming loss and grief for various reasons, identity issues, the feeling of being shattered, feelings of shame and self-blame regarding certain personal decisions and my blindness to manipulations. Yet, I'm thankful for my many good times in The Way;"

spy? listed as 3rd one down. So two needs to spur on tbi because their cultural has been fundamentally flawed without acknowledging it's existence in the unobvious part of the brain?????

if only this guy knew how NOT in his long term best interests The Way is

March 9, 2014
Greeeeeaaat. Why don't the illegals just live here and the legals go to Mexico? That way their dream will come true and legals will go start a new America someplace else because all their jobs have been taken over by the illegals.

May I now get the help needed for a (high functioning but developmentally disabled) vs (honor roll, undeprived-of-sports, TWO parents) very important, down-to-the-wire situation? !?!?!???
A family in turmoil: Is the harm from Rachel Canning's lawsuit irreparable? 'Wonderful family' torn asunder as the world watches, passes judgment:

Stupid just pushed my buttons and I don't remember how. Stupid sits here saying i'm 42 yrs old. Stupid is not held accountable for before I was 18. Round 3 you stupid bitch deanne wilson. You weren't here to just see my mother hold her first up to my face but too weak these days to use it. Everybody needs to walk away from this situation I presume. Even a surrogate's court judge. depending on where she is in lincoln park she traveled about the same distance to the catholic prison i was forced to go to and then threatened the police on my mother to get out of. i hadn't known yet that my oldest sister was court ordered out of the home within 1.5 years earlier. Like I keep saying 'loose and under the radar'

Round 2. There was supposed to be more in that post last night but browser problems kept making me lose my post. I spent many hours studying with Claire with an open mind. I witnessed her husband's abusiveness particularly her youngest who at the bottom of the stairs at their apartment in Wallington was flung / thrashed about by impatient daddy. That type of physical abuse is what caused the divorce of Claire's host family. Of all the abuse the wife had to witness she threw in the towel after witnessing her husband throw their oldest daughter Tracy up against a wall. It helped matters that her next husband was living in the house or going to regular Way meetings - I don't remember which. I was at a loss for words when I was told robodick didn't want me around based on fights he witnessed me having with my medically negligent mother - as if my interaction in their house would be anything of the calibur in my own house. I will not have this at all. Absolutely not. And this guy has NO IDEA how much The Way is completely NOT in his long term best interests.  

March 10th 2014 
Another meaningless day has begun that I'm not even searching for a job as part of my insistence that this childhood situation be taken care of in some capacity (rather than continually ignored by certain significant ones) once and for all.

All these bandaid methods and disregard through the years have not worked. Thruout the years I pled with mom to DO something for us. Just atleast ASK a lawyer. My pleading was met by silence. Oh and then one day out of the blue I receive court papers in the mail for Christine leaving me totally out of it. RIIIIIIIGGGHHT saying all i never got to make known to a court, etc

March 13th 2014 
For the record: my stalker(s) so far leave their evidence behind that 1. I have my verizon house phone msgs saved since June (10 day save plan has been active for quite a few years). 2. The day after I print out my w-2 tax info from my california boss (because it still hadn't got here after a month) it suddenly arrives in the mail today. Mark my words.

wow. the more i think about having a past life and piecing together how 2 subjects that irked me were Hitler and the mob coupled with a recurring dream theme of a man dead hung from his feet - which i hadn't even known was a tribute to Musselini. Now there's my aversion to tattoos. hmmmm

March 14th 2014 
Vodka = valium. I hadn't seen the movie Speed in 20 years so I had the volume turned up for a reason when mom and Christine came home from one of christine's handicapped group activities. Got here as the red button bomb sound was going off in the bomber's house. Mom wanted to know where the sound was coming from. GET A HEARING AID AND FIND OUT YOU INCOMPETENT BITCH! I'M TIRED OF REPEATING FOR YOU WHEN YOU REFUSE TO HANDLE OR GIVE UP THE MEDICAL SITUATION YOU ARE FUCKING IN. JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER MEDICAL THINGS YOU DID NOT TAKE CARE OF BITCH! OH AND IN THE FUCKING END I'M CUT OUT WHILE YOU FEEL COMFORTED IN UR LIE THAT YOUR OLDEST DAUGHTER'S FAMILY ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT. VODKA.

i'm going home to get drunk very soon. Some days are more murderous than others as far as the rape of my life by the court system. some days I belong on something like valium all day: "May I now get the help needed for a (high functioning but developmentally disabled) vs (honor roll, undeprived-of-sports, TWO parents) very important, down-to-the-wire situation?!?!?!???"

The Morris County teenager suing her parents to pay for her immediate living costs and college tuition, has returned home and reunited with her family, her parents' attorney said in a statement. READ STORY:

March 15th 2014
so now i'm wondering if mom changed her story today based on something I did for Christine because I know the sister I grew up with and spent close to a year in the hospital with and am grounded in reality of her injury.

It's known that she can't go to a buffet with Christine because it's too much yet tonight out of the blue she said they can manage and she's gone there with her once.she couldn't answer me if this was before or after her surgery. Basically it made no sense at all.What happened previous to this is that I made sure Christine had available to her something she enjoys on the TV and is appropriate at keeping the brain therapeutically active. Mom either feels inadequate or caught terrible in keeping up her lie about me in Christine's life.

Earlier in the day she mumbled about needing to get my nephew here to put a battery in the smoke alarm. that is her way of saying that she needs me to do something but she's not going to ask me based on her needing to go fix the surrogate situation for me to do stuff. so that spat culminated into me reminding her that Christine's brain damage only got worse leaving her seizures untreated and I could have taken care of it earlier had she not put a stop to me taking her to a doctor. I'll be numb soon.

March 17th 2014 
I told mom as she was leaving today to go have her irish fun while her children die under her nose . an argument arose from ??? I was on the phone with collections over a utility bill... I think she started saying about going to get a job and my response is one dead serious "I'll get a job when you go to the surrogates and do your job for the child you didn't take care of." stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Someone help us!

March 18th 2014
"May I now get the help needed for a (high functioning but developmentally disabled) vs (honor roll, undeprived-of-sports, TWO parents) very important, down-to-the-wire situation? !?!?!???"

NJ teen Rachel Canning agrees to dismiss lawsuit against her parents

March 20th 2014

Yeah and some of us legals would bring the same greatness but instead are waiting to die. Employing the legal great minded disabled in NYS is just not worth it. PULEASE! “I am disappointed that the New York State Senate, once again, failed to pass the DREAM Act. The fate of many of my constituents in Manhattan and the Bronx depends on the enactment of this bill. Our current immigration system denies some of the best and brightest students in the nation the chance to help America maintain its greatness.

Rangel Says NY State Senate “Crushing The Dreams” of Illegal Immigrants By Not Paying For Them...

Brain injury symptoms: So ive been researching the impact of fluorescent lighting on the brain and a common theme is the negative affects. This can produce headaches. Someone with TBI doesn't need help with headaches daylight is so much better for you then fluorescent light. It also can cause an eye strain which sometimes can end up giving you a headache. If your having a big issue it may be Photosensitivity Following Traumatic Brain Injury which is a sensitivity to light.

Brain injury symptoms: How to explain neuroendocrine damage after brain injury? We have all heard of hormones. The term is used lightly while describing someone’s emotions and actions. “It must be a hormonal thing” or “obviously they didn’t take their hormones”. Or we could relate them to “steroids”. Athletes are known to take them as “performance enhancement drugs” and if they get caught they have to deal with the consequences as they are illegal and not allowed in almost any competitive sports activity. The endocrine system in our body is what is responsible for the delivery of hormones. Hormones are actually chemical substances that are secreted by cells into the extracellular fluids that regulate the metabolic function of other cells in the body. Most of them are classified as either amino acids or steroids.

There are many endocrine organs and they are scattered around the body. The neuroendocrine organ is the hypothalamus and the pituitary axis. Rarely is someone considering neuroendocrine damage after brain injury. Neuroendocrine complications are hard to detect even when they are looked for. If not detected they may have a great impact on rehabilitation and the outcome of a traumatic brain injured individual.

It has been found that when the pituitary system incurs damage in people who have suffered brain injury, whether it be severe or even subtle brain injury, growth hormone deficiency can occur. There are many post-traumatic symptoms that can be blamed on neuroendocrine damage after brain injury. Some of these symptoms can be;  Short term or long term memory issues, Fatigue or sleeplessness, Distractibility or Issues with Concentration, and Anxiety or Depression Issues

These impairments may also be blamed on frontal lobe deficits but it is quite possible that they are caused by

neuroendocrine damage after brain injury from organs such as the hypothalamus or the pituitary axis. Even if traumatic brain injury isn’t the diagnosis, people who are suffering from these symptoms may very well have had a closed head injury and suffered from damage to the neuroendocrine system. An Endocrinologist is the specialist that should be consulted.

 As with any TBI, it may take some time to assess all the damage from neuroendocrine damage after brain injury. Once diagnosed and treated it will make rehabilitation less complicated and time consuming.

Brain injury symptoms: Music and Dancing With Recovery After 3 tumors, Ataxia I have Cerebellar Ataxia and Sensory Ataxia senses are senses that perceive the body's own position, motion, known as proprioceptive senses. External senses include the traditional five: sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste and vision impaired first step to recovery ( Believe in yourself ) and Challenge yourself, you will get there, and do the dance walk of life TBI

Brain injury symptoms: Does any other Brain Injury Survivor deal with this also, or is it just me?
I can't brush my teeth with my eyes open. I have to lean against the wall or sit down for balance.
I find that opening my eyes, distracts my movements, as well as throws me off balance. If I look in the mirror and see my movements, the actions I see and my actions don't register in my brain yet at the same speed, which messes with me big time. By closing my eyes, and relaxing, I'm able to concentrate on proper brushing, and doing a good job. I'm still just trying to learn, honest! I don't know if it's just me, lol.

March 21st 2014
Justice for some and not for others
May I now get the help needed for a (high functioning but developmentally disabled) vs (honor roll, undeprived-of-sports, TWO parents) very important, down-to-the-wire situation? !?!?!???

NJ teen Rachel Canning agrees to dismiss lawsuit against her parents

yet another day of just sitting here. this situation will be resolved once and for all Or i will be dead. no more grabbing at straws to survive life just becoz an 80s cancer trend killed a man leaving the developmentally disabled children to be raised by an overwhelmed uneducated loose cannon who never dated again....myriad of issues. Obviously grabbing at straws did not work.

Brain injury awareness.

March 22nd 2014 
Flashback as I watch documentary on Whitney Houston: on the day in June 2009 when Michael Jackson died mom called me to share a part of her dying as she lets go of memories dying that day, of her youngest child always wondering if it was MJ in a limo passing our car or that the loudest scream heard on news coverage at Giants Stadium MJ concert was her youngest way up in tier seats or what anybody driving by our house in quiet white suburbia would make of all the posters of a black man hanging on the ceiling were. Add onto that always talking about people in my life but never in Claire's life and ALL the other apron strings leading to her youngest child but then turns around and spills shit lies out of her mouth to Judge Deanne Wilson that does the ultimate fuck to my life. As a matter of fact I was reading through hours long of case

law when she called me on that june day of 2009 and I stepped out of the quiet area to the library hall to take the call. I receive info from some irish pages and recently came across a posting on there of what mom does:" just say this or just say that and if you don't know don't answer or just play stupid. I'll be sure to post the attitude when I come across it again so all can know what Judge Deanne Wilson let slide.

March 23rd 2014 
Christine fell again. This time getting her clothes after waking from a nap. I asked her if her leg went out from under her again. She said she lost her balance. With all the fuss i'm making about getting her to a doctor over

her leg and fighting she may never admit to her leg problem again. That's what life has turned out around here. It's harder and harder for her to get up from falls because of knee or hip pain.

since i bought vegetarian beans lately i helped with dinner. Claire called amidst and mom said to her "i was just thinking about you." gee i wonder what she was thinking about. 'maybe now is a time to be honest with claire?' hmmm she said something to Claire that they have to do something and complained as to "why they're doing this?" Wonder what that's about.

it's going to be a long night. i'm out of sleep med.

March 24th 2014 
Mom is at the point where she "just doesn't give a damn" and "she should leave the country". In other words

( OH AND I FORGOT THE WORD STUPID AND STUPIDITY KEEPS COMING OUT OF HER MOUTH) mom is talking to her NYC sister who is telling her what's on facebook and the evidence is so clear this childishness is responsible for my death and the incompetence no one saved me from. If mom doesn't give a damn anymore then six feet under is where I belong because if no one else is there to take care of me,protect me, I have nothing left and I can't live with watching the negligence of Christine. And what is it mom doesn't give a damn about anymore? Nm...going on about all this only feeds into the inappropriate childishness that crashed this life. Her sister was abusive to me when here convinced I don't have a brain

injury while mom was sticking up for herself saying how irresponsible I was declining going to a neuro person when I was fifteen not being honest with her sister that I DO Have a brain injury...four loko is behind me time for Vodka. So the name Jerome C. Higgins. Wonder what that's going to do for mom. bring back memories of when I told her to just go ASK a lawyer before he lived in her house rent free for a year or more and then left on his own accord without ever paying any rent and mom never saw that money? All she did was go on and on and on and on about the Higgins guy who did this and who did she ask for guidance??? none other than her uneducated sister who still lived in NYC telling mom that there's all kinds of laws protecting tenants in the city. I kept saying "but he has to pay rent." She wouldn't even ASK. I was IGNORED and me and Christine put through her loose cannon stress for SO LONG. And then in the present this turns out this way. The bitch can fucking die. But guess who's preparing to die instead??? Yours truly. In 2004 all this came to light again around twenty years later when a friend I knew had parents that owned real estate in nyc and had a tenant who didn't pay rent and that's the one thing a tenant does not fuck around with. The LANDLORD wins and my friend's father of course won in court.

Mom's tenant in Ireland started doing this lately. I wonder if the issue will be resolved. Actually I heard her whispering this in the phone to one of her sisters so she doesn't know I know this is happening all over again and she's not telling me a thing about it. Gee I wonder why.

So i can't wait to go home and numb myself to sleep for the rest of the day. Right before I left mom was speaking out loud trying to remember the name of the type of mattress she got. I said "If it's the one I heard you threatening a lawyer over you're on your own. To threaten a lawyer over a mattress and do what you did to your child is the ultimate stupidity." (paraphrase) Oh little miss uneducated immigrant who instead of helping her educated disabled child (who lent on her for guidance greatly for life after being discharged from a children's hospital) get legal help all these years only laughed at them when trying to do so, in the end wins out with a lawyer who told lies and half truths *SMACK* GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY MORON. It would be doable if there weren't legal and medical issues involved but every time you have been shown you just ... *off goes the sound of a gun to the temple of a human head*

I'm posting the latest before mom goes and tells a shit load of lies again. Without me here mom wouldn't have known how to turn off the push button rental car. Out of desperation she would have figured out to call the rental place from her one-bar-of-power left cells phone and they would have told her she left the keys at the rental place and can bring them to her. Instead I was just about to go in the shower when her house phone range and I figured I better look in case it's an emergency. It was the rental place to tell me she left the keys there and I gave them her cell number and offered to call her first which made them happy coz that way she'd recognize the number. Called three times and no answer which is understandable if she's driving. See her pull in driveway and rush down painfully to tell her. She says she doesn't know how to turn it off. I go back up, call them. They tell me how to turn it off and someone will be right here with the keys. I go all the way back down and tell her what to do and she says ok dismissing me becoz she gets it.( I know better than to

believe that hook line and sinker). Car is off and I tell her I'm going in shower. Go all the way back up but then go half way back down again to open the front door and give her the option of coming in that way coz it's really cold out today. She says no she's going to stay down there with the garage door open (wonder woman overestimating again). As I walk after being done in the shower the front doorbell rings. I yell down to mom who yells back she'll get it from there and I hear the garage door open and look down the stairs to see the person look toward the garage. When it came to Christine falling the other day I helped pull her back up onto the bed so she could get up from there. They relayed how she got up from a fall the last time which is NOT the rendition I know so there's an indication Christine fell even more times when I have not been in the house. That is something mom is not going to admit to and something not only is Christine not able to
readily verbalize but has scared Christine into not talking about when i'm around. All these details are left here as a testimony for when i'm gone with Christine's life thrown away to people unfamiliar with her and steered by The Way International - the "religion" started by an Illuminati-laced Princeton doctorate. When I first told mom how to turn the car off she was in a light-hearted laughter mood (over newer technology). She could see I wasn't returning the mood. Get a medical and legal clue bitch or go back to where you fucking came from!!!!

March 25th 2014 
Smh. Sometimes I'm amazed at how I survived the attitudes I grew up in - especially those of women. Also

glad I went out there before I die that I've had the opportunity to embrace other cultures even if some of them were as unwelcoming and open-mindedly deficient as what I grew up around. Even if leaving was a dangerous stunt for me medically.

Even though it's been a very lonely road. Now i just need someone to save me (or not) coz i'm too old and exhausted to do it by myself - only this time with appropriate brain injury help. That phone exchange at the end of Pinky Floyd's Young Lust is exactly what I dealt with before never calling home again from the Children's Hospital. The collect calls were bonefidely getting too expensive and it's not like we had text messaging and mom had told me to stop calling so much. Had only everything been handled better...hmmm

After last night mom is making a stink about the garbage being heavier with me here and I need to tie it up and bring it downstairs. Riiiiiggghhtt just like the dishwasher gets used more often with me here even though I go weeks using and re-using one plate, one mug, one glass, one bowl (Sometimes), and a certain accumulation of silver wear.

March 26th 2014 
Talking to her sister in NYC mom just referred to Christine as "a pain in the ass" needing her help so mom

had to get off of the phone. After mom sat back down again Christine had to ask for more help and then threw a cussing temper tantrum. This is the stress we deserved to not grow up in JUDGE DEANNE M.WILSON, CRISTINA MIRDA ESQ, AND STEVEN J. STRAUB ESQ FROM NORRIE AND ASSOCIATES ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
brain injury awareness

Another day of Drinking myself back to sleep while incompetence looms over my life. Mom finished with all leg and back therapy. Hear her still comparing herself to other people. Watching 1965 version last of the mohicans. It looks like not only was true native life sourly depicted but it looks like white men were used to play the part of natives. Saw thunderheart yesterday which accurately depicted the asshole white man really is followed by uptown girl which I didn't know starred brittany murphy and described mom in a nutshell before this guardianship: " you give her what she wants so you don't have to deal with her." The only thing to do today is bring home dinner from the store I will do shopping in. Only doing alfalfa sprouts to help lose weight. Not live longer. Cheers. $ave me. (Or not).

March 27th 2014
been there. done that. i was admitted based solely on interaction with police while forcibly heavy drugged and unable to defend myself which is a weak point even if i were not drugged

March 28th 2014 
My days tend to revolve around being here for the Ellen Degenerous show - going out either before or after.

That all changed yesterday when Christine came home and said she was taking a nape. 45 minutes later I told mom i'm waking her up in 1/2 hr before I leave and give her what she needs to make sure she doesn't fall again. Instead of safety concern at this point mom is defensive declaring "she's not going to fall!" My response was "how do you know? Did you know that the other day when she woke up and fell?" Silence. Mom wound up waking her in 20 minutes instead so I missed a minute or 2 of Ellen and gave her what she needed,helped a bit, and mom took over. These are the dangers Christine is in while no one is overseeing this situation. Someone should do something about my involvement. (Or not).

March 30th 2014   
And now I have drunk myself back to sleep for there are days I just can't handle the apathy around me.


Finally able to see this movie (Under Our Skin). Sounds ALOT LIKE what brain injury recipients have gone thru. My heart goes out to brain injury recipients who buy into psychiatric medication/dual diagnosis just for treatment. Keep in mind the Omnibus Act of Insurance and banking of the 1920s.

March 31st 2014 
So today mom did the usual same as the last 30+ yrs of us having done something wrong when really it's what we need to do to compensate for our injuries. In this case it was sliding a little table to proximity rather than pick it up but mom recently realized something is putting scratches on her hardwood floors - the same ones installed by her illegal immigrant nephew who went back to Europe. I said to her "then you need to get a more handicapped accessible house." Her response was a sarcastic "yeah right." There's lots of obvious signs this woman has ruined our potential in life by not dealing with this and there are people with blood on their hands. Mark my words. Of all the stress this woman did in destroying our salvaged futures she then stands next to her lawyer claiming the stress I'm causing only to turn around after the fact and say that was never the case. Cheers.

for example tonight christine did her best after being done in the shower but then needed mom's help and is greeted by mom's current stress that it's too hard for her to help with her current hand problems. Claire wasn't court-ordered out of this house for arbitrary reasons and me and Christine had every right to live our medical lives in peace. someone fix this.

or not.

there she goes again about table sliding on her hardwood floors killing christine's sanity slowly. Why doesn't she get some handicapped accessible tables? We don't deserve this harassment.

Hmmm is it possible to hide money assets in overseas accounts to evade detection in a guardianship, etc? Something makes no sense. What's mom up to again? I could be wrong but in the history of me knowing the life I grew up in something is missing or not right or kept secret from me.

April 1st 2014 
So tired of not having advocacy for me. Remembering back to the downward slide that I was 16/17 and he was 18/19 and no dad or stalking laws to get him away. When his friends put me down his loser attitude was they're entitled to their opinion. How bout my innocent comment about my die hard lust for Bruce Willis' arms in Die Hard in 1989 and his psychological manipulation that followed only to reveal his hidden secret to me a year later when my defenses were completely down? What a nice guy loser. Atleast I have Vodka. Not sure who told him in college how dead wrong he was in thinking I'm the type of girl with no life. I had an untended to medical diagnosis which is the parents fault. Just sailing downward.

None of this was done for me S.O.S! " If you search the Internet for life planning for the child with a brain injury, you will find an assortment of different financial-planning tools that are available to help families plan for their child’s well-being. While it is essential to have a financial plan, there are complex issues to be considered that go beyond finances. Over the lifespan, decisions will need to be coordinated, including medical care, legal considerations, living supports whether in a residential setting or in the community, employment and socialization/recreation."

it's decided. I'm doing an xtra round today. me and mom got into a tiff over the damage she has done eighteen years ago disapproving with a cold reaction of a friend of mine coz she was paranoid I might get pregnant by a disapproved friend.

Regardless of now it's not good enuf I'm childless, marriageless, and have done the college thing she so wanted with a disapproving outcome, and Claire kept encouraging me to finish based on her own failure, I read this quote to her and after being met by silence said to her "DO something." Her response was a childish "you do something." It's too late. I can't fix this situation anymore. Bailing myself out of deep water with a straw is very accurate.

 well the timing is right. atleast i'll be here when Christine wakes up from her nap today.

April 2nd 2014
I can only guess the missing days is when I was preparing a comfortable death for myself - not sure why there would be no posts from me for like 6 days: I bottomed out. Not even watching Ellen today. Was supposed to pick up alfalfa sprouts by 5:15. Laying here wanting things done right or nothing at all. What a waste I've become under this woman's sole care.

earlier on this day: who did this to me? who lied about me? who kept secrets from me that otherwise would have empowered me with a safe future? finger tapping on a couch i ... who's going to save me now?

 what's the secret? will you save me now?

 Someone save me!

This is reminiscent of when my father died. I laid in bed and didn't eat for a week or two. I don't remember how I would have gotten thru school without eating.

 still the same. this is surreal what this woman has gotten away with.

 Mom has a back diagnosis (that includes leg pain). She's still comparing herself to all these other people which is why she's going to go to a different physical therapist who won't discharge people so quickly. Just as she got a knee replacement by a doctor who didn't have any of her medical history .... it's very obvious we were left to the care of a medically incompetent guardian. I'm just to blitzed right now to go into detail.

don't push my buttons while I'm blitzed and this incompetent just did that. i was simply pointing out to her the medical incomp. Not in so many words. I can't believe all these years later she would still pull the same shit of not learning from her Higgins tenant. STUPID. I told her when I was in college to atleast call a lawyer and ASK becoz me and Christine were CHILDREN. NOW she denies I said that. SOS! I told her I would simply up the phone bill (due to data usage) if she doesn't give me Gas money to get to the free wifi and she acts like I never said it. I so want to be done with this life. I so am not protected by this incompetence. A child was comat....after all that she sits down to say "alright what about this shopping? " aka "now that ur done with ur bullshit what's the deal about real stuff?"

April 3rd 2014
tap tap tap

who lied? what did they lie about?

April 9th 2014
after trying on new clothes: Feeling like a fat loser. Completely know so much is not my fault but when no one is saving you from others evil it doesn't matter.

earlier on this day
replying to a comment about vet suing police for false imprisonment: oh trust me fighting power freak central like this is like David without his sling shot near Goliath. I've been falsely imprisoned by police in conjunction

with 3 separate hospitals and I got NO Justice. All 3 hospitals said they couldn't find a problem with me. It was the second one though that said they had to admit me based on my interaction with police. No justice no peace for real. Everybody heard me screaming to arrest me rather than have my life raped by the psychiatric industry (not in those exact words). ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SPIT AT THE OFFICER TO GET MYSELF ARRESTED INSTEAD. It's hard to think like that after you've been stripped of your clothes and forcibly dressed in a hospital gown and your shoulders have bruises on them from police pulling them into oblivion while you're screaming on the hospital floor in pain and no one you know is near you. This officer has been charged but we don't know what the outcome is just yet and then the lawsuit is likely to drag out for some time and only then we'll see if the veteran gets justice. earlier on this day hoping I can advertise(?) myself for a job: Ok made some calls and waiting for call backs but need to keep getting info on what might save me. Plus read below: JOB BRAINSTORM: please comment here anyone with any ideas how I might get employment driving a car. I'm most comfortable long distance highway driving. I've looked up possibilities of rental companies (especially cross country driving) but I'm not sure where to start. I'M NOT LOOKING TO TAKE ANY TESTS FOR ANY SPECIAL LICENSES. I'm looking to drive as-is. Experience includes driving from NY to Perrysburg OH to Janesville WI to So. St Paul Minnesota to Rapid City SD to Casper WY to Cheyenne WY to Salt Lake City UT to north las vegas NV to Santa Barbara CA to Castaic CA to Monterey Bay Area CA to Sacramento-area CA to Salt Lake City UT to Cheyenne WY to Minonk ILL (15 hr trip to avoid staying in tornado alley) thru Kokomo Ind (to avoid the concrete nightmare of driving thru Chicago -never again!) across OH thru Wheeling WV to Mid PA into NJ. Before this cross country trip approximately 100,000 miles were driven from Canada-area to NJ, Canada-area to

Virginia, Canada-area to Burlington VT area, and NJ to Mass. many times. Someday I would love to drive as far north as Churchill Canada. I'm not interested in driving in the southern United States but willing to do so. Not interested in going to Mexico at all. Whatever car driving opportunities involve this type of stamina PLEASE COMMENT! OPTIONS ARE RUNNING OUT!

All the hours driving are also comfortable utilizing my Bachelor of Science degree doing general subject research or caselaw research for same amount of hours. Walking the political correctness walk (particularly at interviews) is on the lower end of my talent list so these jobs above would be for me. LOOKING INTO ALL POSSIBILITIES. thank you!

April 11th 2014 
So in the end this power freak bitch took Christine to eat and to the handicapped activity never to mention

the chaos beforehand. That's how she works. That's the loose cannon. She wouldn't be called a bitch if she didn't cause all this stress in the lives of handicapped children.

earlier on this day: reason 1 for an extra round today: Told mom I just got in a few minutes before because I had to go online to fill out more job info. Few minutes later she asks me what I wore. aka she didn't understand it was online and not in person. I then let her know the myriad of problems of why I'm not employed readily that she doesn't get and didn't care to as she lied to her own lawyer and a court regarding Christine to cover her own recklessness. 1. Although (and because) I have an IT degree I refuse to enter personal info online which most companies are doing today - both her and Claire have constantly gone on about and stayed away from going online due to all "the dangers" out there. (Just like when my father told me my sister had died before I came home that first weekend after the accident he told me not to say anything to my mother about it. I walked in the door and said hello to mom and walked past her and she never said anything to me. All cues seem to point to "don't say anything to mom" which mom's silence then verified. Years later when mom tried to play off like that was an awful thing to say to me and it was my father's fault yet her actions backed it up). same here the actions at home are teaching me not to do anything online like that. 2. I'm handicapped so there's lots of jobs I CAN'T do. 3. Once you've made a bad impression with one person in NYS it spreads like wildfire and ruins your life. She reacted to # 3. What was I going to do? Come back here and live this lie? The rest was silence as usual because she doesn't know what she's doing and won't admit to it. She then gets on the phone taking care of Christine's needs referring to her as handicapped and hiding behind that old familiar phrase "I have a handicapped child."

Reason 2 for an extra round: I wake up from the extra round and Christine is watching Ellen with me and enjoying it. When mom gets home she asks Christine if she wants to go to the handicapped activity tonight. Mom lets her know she doesn't want to because it will be very difficult with the rain. Christine agrees but she wants to go out to eat. Mom doesn't want to because of the rain. Christine throws a temper tantrum that she's sick of being in the house. I chime in to tell Christine that's why she needs to speak up to have me added as her medical guardian so I can start helping with her needs - she doesn't understand the concept but I still try to let her know what's going on. Christine gets louder in her temper tantrum and I match it waiting for her to stop. I then proceed with telling her all I can to make her understand all the harm and lies Mom and Claire have done with her medical life. Mom starts up for me to get the hell out. Everytime she does I tell

her to get a court order to get me out. That that's how Claire got out of this house. Of the many denials she says she never told Claire to get out I say "I know you didn't. A judge ordered her out after you showed your true colors in court."She denies that was the case. The evil that ruined this typing life will get evil in return.

Cheers to round 3 coming soon.

even earlier: Just admit ur fucking mistake u loose cannon running around in the usa. That's the 1st step in a twelve step program.

April 12th 2014 
so today mom started out the day by whispering "ok" which based on experience and opinion means "yesterday is gone by and today is different" - a mentality that includes "there is nothing to learn from yesterday. My child just has real problems *eye roll.* I'd love to know what goes on in that head. How someone could be so absent on connecting the dots with their children's lives - especially medically needy and thus medically deficient ones.

April 13th 2014
so today mom asked Christine if she recognizes the name of someone who died that was one of her bus drivers. When I heard it I chimed in with the name of both bus drivers because me and Christine used to have the same services. Then shit hit the fan with me yet again reminding her that unlike Christine I had to go out into the regular world and deal with the repercussions of that being called a retard by the non-disabled because I had ridden on the "retart cart". This all happened right below her front window and all she ever did was tell me to ignore it. Yeah nice defending of myself in life. and mom is not innocent or unknowing either. She grew up with the reputation of beating up the boys (I assume it was over anyone giving her slack for being different - out of her entire family she's the only one not born in Ireland). Oh how convenient mom asks Christine but totally forgot that I came from the same place. I'm not sure how clear it is that this child was let go of a children's hospital only to be raped in this life. Those with blood on their hands are Judge Catherine Langlois from the Morris County Surrogate's Court who retired once I contested Christine's guardianship, Judge Deanne Wilson at the Morris County Surrogate's Court who questioned and witnessed my mother's lack of proper medical care to her children and then just let it slide, Deputy Surrogate Christopher Luango who hasn't returned any of my phone calls or emails that I made to him since August of 2013, Court-appointed attorney Cristina Mirda who just to win a case omitted my interview testimony that under my mother's care Christine went almost 20 years with untreated seizures, and Attorney Steven J. Straub formally of Norrie and Associates in Montclair NJ (but then got hired in another job in NY) who assisted my mother in lying to get her way in court. The particular lie I'm thinking of right now is when I said in court that Christine was finally put on seizure meds after falling backwards and fainting while doing dishes in the kitchen and my mother shut everyone up with "She did NOT. She was standing on the landing waiting for her bus." lies lies lies lies lies lies lies death death death death intervention intervention intervention intervention intervention because lies don't sit well with my soul and I have way too much energy. While I have nothing to do with my energy alcohol suppresses it.

In response to a reply suggesting getting along without mom: Sounds like a great idea and that's part of what helped ruin my life . I have no other caretaker. I don't know if you have a developmental brain injury or not but it is so important to have the rehabilitative structure set up for life after injury or constantly re-evaluated as needs change. None of that was properly done for me. Upon first leaving home I was dating a guy for what turned out to be a ten year relationship. Where ever I went he set up a rehabilitative structure for me to at least thrive in. Some history is that upon returning home from the children's hospital I wanted to continue cooking and sewing like i did in the hospital but mom 's nerves wouldn't let me risk burning her pots and pans or sticking myself with the needles. As far as cleaning she did all that to take her mind off the overwhelming tragedy we were all in. So essentially she made me dependent on her for life. Outside of the

boyfriend and living on my own I tried getting home cleaning services but their evaluation was that I'm a cluttered mess - not a sticky mess so I fall outside how they can help me. I refuse to do welfare which medicaid falls under so anyway mom's house is the only structure that works for me on top of the fact that my soul is not at ease having my sister left under the care of medical insufficiency. Of the research I've done brain damage gets worse if seizures are left untreated which is my mother's fault and there's enough witnesses my sister wants to go to updated treatments but because of mom's history I will not be part of something while she/it's held unaccountable -aka add me officially as medical guardian (which more than one professional understands I'd be qualified for) - I haven't stayed away from this craziness for this long just to

get this ultimate slap in the face that my oldest sister and brother-in-law pulled. That's the loose cannon she's been allowed to be. When I contested my sister's guardianship pro se her and her lawyers all stated that I'm away and uninvolved in their lives (lies). But anyway thanks for the input. I need to do a blog so my history is all in one spot. ... Hope I painted a clear picture of the dependency on her that's been put on me. [This is how it happened for both of us: May 21st 2014 truth told to court 5 years ago: Christine has had a specially made knife since the early 80's to cut her food and she never uses it.Lie told in response: Yes she does.
Act put on by mom and dutifully followed by Christine at that time: Christine has her special knife out and ready to use. Truth: I've been here since August 2013 and mom cuts Christine's food every night - no different from the history of this house. Tonight mom had to go in the other room to watch tv with dinner so when I gave Christine her second helping of chicken cutlet I gave her her knife to use and made sure she could successfully use it. She was happy to show me she could accomplish this task. Mom had cut her first helping.]

April 14th 2014 
and Claire's misguidedness is in dogma of The Way International started by a Princeton graduate (I can hear

echoes of "Illuminati") that American Indians were conquered and slaughtered because they didn't have the backing of the one true god - that they worshiped things like the sun and trees, etc. I'm letting all be known for the occasion that I be gone.

April 22nd 2014
so tonight I wound up doing a lot of dinner because mom doesn't have a lot of energy these days. As I tried to hurry things up I prepared christine's dish asking mom how much gravy. As usual she wanted to take over because she "can't explain it." ANOTHER LONG-EXISTING CIRCUMSTANCE THAT UNPREPARED ME FOR LIFE. come to think of it Stephanie taught me how to tie my shoes and Christine and stephanie taught me how to ride a bike. Maybe mom never was a teacher to begin with and goes to show I never got life needs left in this house after everyone was gone. OK FINE WHAT CAN I DO NOW MORRIS COUNTY SURROGATE COURT MORONS? ???? go ahead let me die. I'm not going thru this unnecessary isolation anymore. I was supposed to be protected.

Nice job! I'm not the boy who cried wolf either. Give it time.

April 23rd 2014

Here we go with Claire again. My life went no place including the acting I was going to do because Claire made out how evil was lurking in theatrics because someone she knew declined a role after being told they had to sleep with Jodi Foster who was bisexual at the time.

April 24th 2014

So this morning I got up and they’re still here. I have excruciating pain in my back from how I was sitting the first couple days doing this blog. Sometimes you forget that you can’t be doing things like you used to as the aging process takes over. Some of us learn from our mistakes. As I was putting milk in my coffee I dropped the milk on the table. I yell “shit!” Mom who had gone back with Christine to help her yells “what happened?” I say “the milk spilt.” I struggle to clean it up which is really hard to do in my condition. As mom comes back into the kitchen I tell her she needs to clean her jacket now. She goes on about “oh my jacket?...that means I have to take it to the cleaners…” the word idiot came out of her mouth and shit hit the fan. I said “that’s why you take a child (mom cut me off with her childish noises she’s making these days) when they’re a child to get their leg fixed so they don’t have back problems as an adult.” This woman still

believes the fact, even though she’s been told by another professional otherwise, that the rehabilitation specialist said Christine is fine and nothing is wrong when he said to her “You’re doing well.” This last phrase means Christine is a candidate for further treatment. If she wasn’t doing well there would be nothing more they could do. I yelled to Christine she’s never going to get to the get better plan. Christine just yelled for me to shut up because she wanted the yelling to end. When mom went downstairs I went to Christine and yet again explained to her that unless she speaks up for me to be her medical guardian she’s never going to get to the get-better plan. I cited the name of her (somewhat foot doctor?) who fits her for a brace and she couldn’t remember who that was but eventually said she remembers who it is. I reminded her she doesn’t remember going to court with us once or the doctor who evaluated and drew up a get-better plan for her. I told her all these things she doesn’t remember someone needs to look out for and mom and claire are not doing it. Christine can’t put this all together. Mom just keeps going on and on stressing us out. She said “we’re used to peace and quiet here” insinuating I should get out. I said “oh it’s quieter but it sure as hell isn’t more peaceful. I know how you go on.”

Claire’s calling … mom just said when she had her surgery. Why is Claire asking this? Is Claire going to the doctor’s appt with mom and Christine? Is the court-appointed attorney? Now she’s recalling how long she was in the rehab. Why? Claire’s never been involved in our medical lives. Oh never mind. Claire didn’t know about today’s appt. Mom’s asking Claire about work. The hypocrite had a much more appropriate life for her udiagnosed injury meanwhile I’ve been sent out to swim up shit’s river without a paddle. My buddy with similar injury and age as me has the same yelling reactions like I do but he’s not being discriminated against by a court of law and family like me. His mother was a special needs teacher and never uses his injury against him.His father expects way too much out of him but atleast he has two parents. No worries. I’ll be

drinking myself back to sleep oh say in another 9 hrs?


Ok how did I lose my life fighting these people.  Let’s start off with the fact I woke up from a month long coma at 6 yrs of age. Fast forward to when I was 25 years old it was revealed to me when I met with a brain injury counselor for the first time that the symptoms of my brain injury deal with the frontal lobe which is the part of the brain dealing with perception, judgement, emotional response, organization, prioritization, initiation, social skills, reading one’s environment, etc… Back track to when I was 19 (and had behind me years of counseling trying to figure out the mysterious psychological “problems” of me in not being able to accept my social deficiencies , etc) my life was in an inappropriate place of full time college far away.  It’s hard to put into words the amount of stress I was under at that age and place in that I was so overloaded or breaking down that it felt no matter what I did the rug was slipping from under my feet no matter what I did in keeping them in one spot.  One college official recommended me talk to the school psychologist who

recommended a psychiatrist for medication and for some reason I don’t remember I was also seeing a psychologist outside the school. I started out with the psychiatrist asking me if I feel certain ways and he put me on meds. The meds gave me physical symptoms which the psychiatrist said were no big deal and there would be just some side effects temporarily. (to this day I still suffer those same side effects).  As time went on the psychiatrist kept coming up with more ways I should feel and I had to disagree with him. Eventually I was caught in the politics of all 3 professionals telling me I was lying and that I did feel these ways. Eventually I called up the psychiatrist and told him “I’m not doing this anymore” (and stopped the meds cold turkey). His response was “well it’s your choice if you want to get better or not.” (!!!yup – nice professional). When I returned home from college I had 3 professionals declare “you are NOT manic depressive!” and the diagnosis was simply depression due to head injury. Case in point: if you take a brain injured out of their familiar environment and add stress like I was under you can get reactions that can be diagnosed as psychotic. My brain injury comes from a head-on collision with a tractor trailer truck carrying gravel. We never got justice for that but instead became children of no-fault insurance. That no-fault insurance paid for the misdiagnosis and proper diagnosis. The goliath of insurance is in bed with the American Medical Association who has a long-standing root in psychiatry that all began in the 1940’s. It’s all a money making merry-go-round between big pharma, big insurance/govt etc. who tie the hands of medical doctors into belief and practice of what will keep them in business and we’re the lab rats. Your diagnosis could very well REALLY be a diminished brain capacity due to pollution or any subtle brain injuries that happened in the womb or after birth. Anyway I might be able to add to this later but you’ll read that my nightmare didn’t end with this first misdiagnosis. In the end NYS services wouldn’t help me because they needed an acceptable amount of medical history / treatment (which the proper diagnosis of brain injury is too expensive to cover) yet the 1970’s law for treatment for handicapped persons has monies set aside for psychiatry diagnosis. The ADA of the 1990s requires that not only is proper diagnosis of brain injury necessary but it's up to the states to pay for. The system set up for you with your diagnosis already has you bought and paid for as long as you do what they say. Unfortunately you’re stigmatized by a diagnosis (as I am) that making behavior accommodations is not on the table. With the massive amounts of energy I get when I’m pissed off I took on these people without a lawyer in my 20s. No wonder no one in NYS will hire me. I spoke out against them at a public hearing held by the National Council on Disability that took place in NYS and I used specific names too. I didn’t bust my ass in college for a bachelor’s degree just to live on welfare or bankruptcy so that should give some background of how I lost my life with these people.The work history I have going back to when I was ten years old doesn't mean a thing. I became a dollar sign. More than one of my medical records state I need to be working to keep my mind engaged away from stress at home and it was completely disregarded. Save me my way by putting me to work and taking care of all this accumulated debt or bury me six feet under. This is not my fault.

The End - At least facebook posts from where they started on my own page. Putting everything into order on here needs to happen. I have some other goodies like unanswered emails to corrupt Morris County Deputy Surrogate Christopher Luongo and a recent post I made to someone getting a raw deal from the "mental health" situation as a matter of fact I may put a different version of it here.

Monday, April 28, 2014
From the cradle to the grave;
from the flame to the frying pan;
we tried so hard to get answers. I heard nothing past October 26 2012 but silent corruption is the norm in NYS disability services:


With all due respect, you are mistaken. You were copied on a recent email I sent and are fully aware of the fact BIANYS will not answer our questions or engage us. You know this.  We had hoped you of all people would have encouraged BIANYS to respond to it members and answer what were and are reasonable questions.

I am deeply disappointed in you. I am sure Jim and Sarah will be as well.

All of us are accountable, and that includes you.


 On Fri, Oct 26, 2012 at 4:39 PM, Susan Connors <> wrote:

Hi Mike,

I see that while I was away, Marie Cavallo provided a very thoughtful, comprehensive and respectful response to many of the concerns posed in previous emails. It sounds like BIANYS adopted several of the suggestions made even though money is very tight at BIANYS right now. Since it appears a resolution is underway, my assistance is not needed.

I wish you all the best,

Susan H. Connors, President/CEO
1608 Spring Hill Road, Suite 110, Vienna, VA 22182
Phone: 703-761-0750│Fax: 703-761-0755

   The voice of brain injury.

From: Susan Connors []
Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 1:26 AM
Subject: RE: Some questions

Hi Mike,

Thank you for including me on this email string.

As you know, I am very proud of BIANYS and grateful for the commitment of the volunteers and staff who accomplish so much with so few resources. Yet, I know there is always room for improvement.

I would be happy to assist BIANYS and its members in any way I can. Unfortunately, I will be out of the country from October 9 to 25. (I’m taking my first real vacation in 8 years.) I promise I will check back with you when I return In the meantime, I hope everyone will be respectful of one another, think deeply about each other’s point of view and remember that we all share the same goals.



Susan H. Connors, President/CEO
1608 Spring Hill Road, Suite 110, Vienna, VA 22182
Phone: 703-761-0750│Fax: 703-761-0755

   The voice of brain injury.

Sent: Monday, October 08, 2012
Subject: FW: Some questions


There is a real problem with the BIANYS, Judy Avner and Marie Cavallo. Both refuse to have open dialogs with survivors throughout the state.

 Thank you,


From: P
Sent: Monday, October 08, 2012
Subject: Re: Some questions

I doubt I can given that I now live in Mass. What I would recommend is to get still more people to write emails in (Brent, etc) and then one or two call Marie and then report on the conversation in the email. I like Christine's idea of reaching out to BIAA and letting them know we have a problem.
On Mon, Oct 8, 2012  wrote:

You need to get back on the Board...!

From: P
Sent: Sunday, October 07, 2012
Subject: Re: Some questions

Agreed, and survivors who will, along with other board members, not simply yes the executive director, or anyone for that matter.

On Sun, Oct 7, 2012 wrote:
The only way we're going to get any type of change in the BIANYS is to have more survivors elected into the Board as Board members...!

From: P
Sent: Sunday, October 07, 2012
To: G
Subject: Re: Some questions

My thought is if by the end of next week we continue to receive nothing but, well, silence, the next step is to pose these questions to BIANYS board members via email. It is sad that we, people with brain injuries, have to struggle to have an open discussion with Judy and Marie. One thing is clear - BIANYS ignoring people with brain injuries and others is simply not okay, not acceptable.

So, if and when things ratchet up on the protest front (I'll be reaching out to ADAPT) we truly want to be able to say we have tried our best to communicate with BIANYS leadership, the questions we've asked are certainly reasonable, and we would all prefer to have an open transparent discussion aimed at solutions, not, if we can at all help it, confrontations.

The questions are pretty straightforward and reasonable:
1) Why does the BIANYS FB page not allow for comments prompted by those who like the page? The BIAs for NJ, CT, MA, all do.

2) Why have you both decided not to respond to a request to change the format of the FB page?

3) What specific issues are BIANYS currently advocating for or against and how are they keeping their membership informed?

4) What is the reason you have both chosen to ignore thoughtful email?

5) When did you, Judy Avner, become executive director?

6) How many persons with a brain injury does BIANYS currently employ?

7) In what areas do you both believe BIANYS could improve?

If the answer to question 6, is, as I suspect, none. Then the next step is what can be done about that, and when? In other words, how do we address it.

Question 7, I don't know any organization that doesn't knows ways in which it would like to improve.

Question 3 is completely reasonable given BIANYS's claim they are the leading advocacy group in the state.

Questions 1 & 2 simply reflect the desire many of us have to have an open discussion forum for us all.  How can that be anything but desirable for an organization that wants to know what its members are thinking and be able to have an exchange of ideas and proposals?

The apparent desire to operate in an insular fashion, i.e. keep us out of the discussion, leads one to ask, what are they

afraid of?

On Sun, Oct 7, 2012 wrote:
True, but how do you propose we get the answers. The questions and complaints have been made!


On Oct 6, 2012,  wrote:
I think we should all get answers to our questions. After all, this is our association isn't it...?

From: Occupied Newbie
Sent: Saturday, October 06, 2012
To: Judith Avner; Marie Cavallo;
 Subject: Re: Some questions

I'd like answers. Are they coming soon?

--- On Sat, 10/6/12, P wrote:

From: P
Subject: Re: Some questions
To: "Judith Avner" <>, "Marie Cavallo" <>
Date: Saturday, October 6, 2012
Marie & Judy,

Should those of us in this email conclude that you are both purposely ignoring the questions? Purposely ignoring questions posed to you by one of your members? I hope this is not the case. One thing that is the case, and I would think the two of you must know this, is ignoring these very reasonable questions, like how many, if any, people with brain injuries does BIANYS employ, is only going to draw more attention and more action, not less.

If, as one would hope, you can help us with answers to the questions than a healthy and productive discussion can take place.

So, the choice is yours, healthy and productive discussion, or a ratcheting up of things. All of us would very much prefer the former.

On Thu, Oct 4, 2012 , P wrote:
Marie & Judy,

Will answers to the questions sent 9/29 be coming anytime soon. If you're both busy, is there someone else in BIANYS that can perhaps answer them? As a member of BIANYS (even if I were a non-member) I can't imagine why any of the questions posed

would prove difficult to answer.


On Wed, Oct 3, 2012 , P wrote:
Judy & Marie,

I am re-sending the questions (please see below) I sent on Sept. 29th. On the 29th I received an out-of-office reply from both your emails, which leads me to another question. If, as members, we have questions or suggestions of and for BIANYS and you two aren't available, who do we send them to?



Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 3:19 PM No comments:
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

After losing my life to the scum of NYS disability services I was absolutely elated to hear from other victims of the same thing on Sunday, September 9, 2012. The below will give insight to the things happening. I have removed email addresses and other information to protect privacy which I hope I've done a good enough job of. As far as protecting the privacy of those supposed to HELP the lives of the disabled, I could care less:

Well being that I'm executing my bucket list because I will not survive without a job (only now having to stick to a "price acceptance range") and will die in protest instead of go on welfare or bankruptcy, here is an honest and open email sent to the provider fair merry-go-round. It will give an insight to the lives kept in ruin in NYS because the people holding jobs need to keep their jobs while those with brain injuries are just kept on a merry-go-round rather than actually being helped. Being that my brain injury is from 1978 I have an ahead-of-my-time understanding that brain injury knowledge was purposefully kept at bay due to insurance companies and the 1929 Omnibus Act - which is only part of the reason. When was the automobile made? Late 1800's, early 1900's? Of all the untreated brain injuries dating back to that time the government heyday of automobiles would go completely under having to compensate victims going back that far and then you consider how our country isheld together by a trucking company bonanza shipping products all over, it's no big mystery. Anyway, here's my open and honest response to the medical joke in NYS and I have nothing left to lose in stating this. I've lost all potential and means of survival by staying in NYS:

"sorry but I have to give my feedback about why I won't be there and it won't sound politically correct and is actually a quite tactless flame.

I was specifically told not to go to the provider fair if I will overtly give a piece of my mind to the little putz who is the boss of my former job coach (who is always there). You can tell that little putz that whoever said I have a body odor problem has been proven a liar time and again not only by future agencies I got involved with but also the many people in my every day life who have verified there is no problem.

Listen up putz (and I don't care if you're on this list or not) - after this happened, out of the many people I consulted with to see if there is a problem, one of them is a woman who stands next to me first thing in the morning. If I don't have a body odor problem when I'm wide open to my breath stinking and my body needing washing first thing in the morning, THERE'S NO PROBLEM YOU CHUAVINISTIC PUTZ EXCEPT YOUR EVER-PRESENT CHAUVINISM. YOU WASTED TIME IN A LIFE WITH LOTS OF POTENTIAL AND BY NOW IT'S ALL COMING TO AN END YOU JACKASS. I dare you to try to deny me freedom of speech - although after what I've seen in this state it's a great opportunity for another merry-go-round. I've put up and shut up for long enough.

Everybody just enjoy these little medical merry-go-rounds you're all riding on. I'll stick to my holistic health ways which is doing me just fine. I received my injury early enough in life to be ready for marriage, kids, and a career. I've lost that all by now and will not be riding a welfare or bankruptcy merry-go-round. I will not be bowing out gracefully from this place as you might be able to tell. (will I make it back? hmmm) And you're welcome to all those who, for job security reasons, haven't been able to give a piece of your mind to that little chauvinistic putz flying around on a cloud filled with a false sense of superiority at that disability service provider and is always at the provider fairs. Job well done NY in ruining a life!

With all wisdom and talent gone to waste,

Occupied Newbie"

--- On Mon, 8/27/12, wrote:

Subject: 2012 Provider Fair

Date: Monday, August 27, 2012, 2:36 PM

Hi all!

Our 2012 TBI Provider Fair is on September 20th from 10-3 at .  I have attached our Save the Date flyer and also a Registration Form for agencies that would like to register. 

We are very excited about this year's Provider Fair.  We have some very different things to offer.  We will be having a presentation (10am) from Bridges for Brain Injury.  They will be using animals in their demonstration, that is put on by TBI survivors.  We will also have our annual survivor panel and a presentation regarding Work Incentives.  There are many providers participating in the Fair and we have Day Programs and survivors who will be showing artwork, music, etc... 

Also, NEW this year will be a community resources/social networking table.  Come check it out!!!!

We hope to see you there!!  If you are a professional and have not registered, please do so ASAP using the attached form. 

We have some FREE tables still available!!!  Please contact me with questions.  See you there!!!


--- On Sun, 9/9/12, wrote:

Subject: An idea for us all Date: Sunday, September 9, 2012, 10:11 AM

Marie and Judy,

RB's understandable resignation email (text below) reflects ongoing concerns some of us have with the communication between BIANYS leadership and its members and other interested parties. As I mention in an earlier email, R makes a very salient point when he talks about people listening to us (us being people with brain injuries) but not hearing us.

It is also a concern that while Marie answers these emails and, to her great credit, engages in  discussion, we hear nothing from Judy. The concern is this is because Judy does not like to put things in writing.

Well, whether that is true or not, here is what is true. BIANYS leadership deserves to really hear what those of us who live with brain injuries and our families are saying. Many of us can't get to Albany to sit down face to face for a wide variety of reasons. With R's resignation coupled with the ending of five monthly BIANYS workshops in Albany because BIANYS says there is no money to reimburse the facilitator (me) who, at the time was driving 150 miles for each workshop even though we, the group, asked BIANYS to reimburse at half its mileage rate, means that six workshops have come to an end.

This is tragic, and in many ways inexcusable. BIANYS raises money fairly aggressively, where does it go? What is it used for?

The point is, here in an open honest email discussion we can all take part. I have no problem being wrong about things. I have no problem being corrected or dealing with it if others get mad at me.

And so, I propose that we begin a discussion group here in email or perhaps BIANYS can start a message board in which Judy can communicate with us all.

In the meantime, I would urge that all BIANYS board members be made aware of this request.

To be silent or avoid this discussion format would be to reject a way of communicating with members that is, for many of us, the most feasible as it is the least expensive.

Please know this, one of the wounds adults and children with disabilities and their families face, is being kept on the sidelines, being held at bay, not being heard, dealing with condescending pats on the backs. We should not have to establish our equality simply because our equality already exists. 

So, Judy and Marie, what do you say?  



I think with the money it raises BIANYS ought to reimburse group facilitators for their mileage. These are, after all, volunteers. One of the ways companies and agencies keep volunteers volunteering is by reimbursing them for their expenses. 

Dear Marie Cavalo, President, BIANYS Board of Directors.

I'm hoping you can help me. I'm confussed. I was in attendance at this years conference, and as usual it was very informative, although I must admit networking with other Survivors is the most rewarding.

On Wed. morning at the annual Association meeting, you mentioned how the B.I.A. has been making conference calls to all the Support Group Leaders. Well thats part of my confusion. When I brought this matter to your attenton, that in 1.5 years as the Albany Support Group Leader I've never recieved a conference call, along with the Fact that B.I.A.N.Y.s web site doesn't even list the Albany Support Group. You appeared to be concerned, you even asked if I had told anyone else about the web site? My response was Yes, I had just found out about it on Mon. and told seveal board members on Tues.

 More confusion. I've spoken with other Group Leaders (Survivors), board members, both past and present, and most agree,that BIANYs don't HEAR what the Survivors are saying. They may be listing but they don't HEAR us.

I will give you 3 instances of my own, of not being HEARD. 1st. It's been 18 months since I've signed paper work for B.I.A.N.Y. taking over as facilitator of not only the Albany Chapter, but the Albany Support Group as well. I'ts been over 3 months since I've mentioned that the B.I.A.N.Y.s website didn't even list there own home base Support Group. You told every one in attendance that this matter would be taken care of, still confused. It's still not listed. Am I suppose to call B.I.A.N.Y.s and beg for it to be listed, NOT. Did someone get there EGO hurt because I brought it up at the conference. Well that someone needs to get off there high horse, it's not about you or me it's about us Suvivors. What most of you need to realize is,this is the Brain Injury Association not the brain injury Board Association. the Survivors looking for support are the ones being hurt.

2nd. For 3 consecutive years at the conferences Iv'e suggested to several people from Mike and Judy on down to other board members about how they applaud at the conference for the Deaf. Always wth thesame results,a pat on the back and thats a good idea. They may have listened to me but they didn't HEAR me.

3rd. At the same time I've suggested to them that they all so dim the lights, because most Survivors are not only noise sensitive but light sensitive as well. Again with the same results.

Another thing that confuses me. Every year B.I.A.N.Y.s asks all Survivors to show there ART work at te Empire State Plaza. Well on several occasions I have tried to submit someof my Wood Carvings, always with the same results. Either my Carvings are too nice or there too nice they will get stolen, or that the partitions that the Plaza loans them are not sturdy enough. Well if all this is True then in the future when you ask for Artist's in your news letter to submit there Art work, Please don't ask for all Artist. or put either all Artist's except RB or all Artist' except Wood Carvers.

It's True that people that don't have a T.B.I. try, but don't understand.a T.B.I. 2 of the biggest obstacles that we as Survivors have to deal with on a Daily basis is the Ignorant and the Arrogant, and no I don't recomend getting a T.B.I. to have a better understanding. But we as Suvivors hope and expect that the B.I.A. would understand just a little more then the average person.

It's an absolute shame that B.I.A.N.Y.s started out with the sole purpose of helping the Survivors, now it's all

about politics and power struggles and how you can help your selfs both personnelly and professionally.

I had 7 years of pure hell, putting up with the powers to be, in a legal battle due to my injury.I had no Choice but to put up with the Ignorant and the Arogant everyday. I now have a Choice, and my Choice is to not put up with the attitudes, like the ones that we as Survivors are recieving from B.I.A.N.Y.s. So for this reason I am resigning my position as not only the Support Group Leader but the Albany Chapter Leader as well. Sept. will be my last meeting as facilitator. Yours Truely RB (Survivor).


Kahrmann Blog
Bold Progressives Campaign for Change

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you...then, you win."

             - Mahatma Gandhi

 "Be the change you want to see in the world."

             - Mahatma Gandhi

 "Our lives begin to end the day we become   silent about things that matter."

             - Martin Luther King Jr.

Top of Form
Bottom of Form   
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 11:02 AM No comments:

Tuesday, April 29, 2014
More insight ten years after I started dealing with these "disability advocates:" This email was my response upon realizing finally someone means business and is doing something with collective insistence.

I'm reading all this with a big smile on my face. I'll read this entire email some other time but nothing is a surprise to me.

About fifteen years ago (into losing my life to NYS) other people are finally rocking the boat Iike I've been doing all along. Thank you Mr P from Bronx or Brooklyn (? I can't remember but I met you once at a Brain Injury Coalition meeting).

The Judy I remember from years ago I thought had the last name Sarver but I could be wrong. I just know I beat my head against the wall with yet another person in "TBI Services" and the local FACTS coordinator named (ummm...searching memory...I'll get there...let me use google as a memory tool...her brother owned/ran the Grill and she wound up moving to Massachusettes...Evelyn Carr!) put me down for burning my bridges with yet another person in the state. But guess what?

There's nothing to burn. Nobody's home. I'm guessing the State has it's secret financial resources set up of the haves and have-nots and the disabled fall under the have-nots so these people with the state abide by the secret rules.

Thank you P for stepping up to what will cause the death of me because there is no way I'm going to survive at this point - but at least I'll enjoy my last terah and the government will be stuck with my debt I should have been paying off ten years ago. My high work ethic self has been beaten to a pulp. I'll survive if NYS eats the cost of this life it ruined. I had a neuropsychologist from my home state write a letter for legal assistance in returning to state disability services and no lawyer in NY would touch it (elsewhere was too far away). If you do your legal research on Legal Aid going against these agencies, at some point the funding was changed that Legal Aid isn't provided money any more to take on these type cases AND Legal Aid receives it's funding from guess who? The very state services everyone is having a problem with. So sad! Some lawyers I went to said that the state can do whatever it wants. There you go! That's us! We're hidden behind this archaic tomb that doesn't have to answer to anyone. I wouldn't wish the Karma NYS has coming back on itself to anyone! I was never supposed to be living like this! Not in a million years! I had a life before it got thrown away to NYS!

See; Judith collects her paycheck like all the other "advocates" in the state. Seventeen years later nothing has changed except possibly sounding more politically correct and god knows what else. And what happens to us? Same wheel spinning.

Kudos to you Peter if you finally break through. Long ago I thought for sure my educated and objective point of view was going to make a difference. It didn't. Maybe now with social networking there will be enough voices to rise up. Speaking of social networking, what do you think about Facebook as well? I'm "Occupied Newbie" on Facebook. I'm usually not so open about my info but I'm just to the point of letting all go.

Occupied Newbie

--- On Wed, 9/12/12, P wrote:

From: P
Subject: Re: For Judy
To: "Judith Avner" <>
Cc: long list of all involved in the welfare of this subject matter
Date: Wednesday, September 12, 2012


We'd not received a response for a request for a message board. We know several of us have asked for one.  The idea, as has been explained, is that the message board would serve as a place where members could communicate with leadership and each other. The idea was not to have one person to call.
I did not know that only Marie speaks for the organization. I've heard you speak for the organization countless times over the years. How are we, as members, supposed to know when it is you and when it is Marie. This appears to be what many of us feared, a well-worded response which, said in a direct line, goes like this: The answer to the request for a message board is NO. Call Marie, not me. Am I wrong?

I've never heard of a non-profit where the board president, a volunteer post, interacts with members while paid staff like yourself remain silent. Board presidents usually have separate full-time jobs. Marie does.

You say: "Our days are filled with responding to, advocating for, and supporting people who reach out to us for assistance" and here we are asking for a message board so we can all communicate.

How is it that your "days are filled with responding to, advocating for, and supporting people who reach out to us for assistance" and when those you are responding to, advocating for, and supporting ask for a message board the answer that's not possible? What on earth could be the problem with a message board? What on earth could you be afraid of? The only thing I can think of is you do not want to put anything in writing.

A cynic would say that your pointing out that Marie "invited people who have concerns or needs to contact her directly by email or telephone" is yet another way of your trying to keep your footprints off of as much as possible. Moreover, no one was taking about the message board as some kind of complaint process, or a process solely for concerns. We were talking about it as a way of communication that would be inclusive, informative, and provide a way for members across the state to communicate with people in Albany like you.

So, to be clear, is the answer to a request for a message board is no?

If the answer is no, it further underscores RB's point that we might be listened to but no one hears what we are saying or, for that matter, cares.

I think the request for the message board should stay on the table and I think communicating by email like this, in a group, is fine too.

I am one of many who are hoping BIANYS (you and Marie) does the right thing here.


On Wed, Sep 12, 2012 Judith Avner <> wrote:
Hello Peter:

Thanks for your email. I know that you have already received a response to your request for a message board from Marie Cavallo. As you know, Marie, as the President of BIANYS, speaks for the organization. In her response, she invited people who have concerns or needs to contact her directly by email or telephone. As always, people are welcome to call the office.

Our days are filled with responding to, advocating for, and supporting people who reach out to us for assistance.

All the best,

From: P
Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2012

To: Judith Avner

Subject: For Judy


At this point several people have expressed their desire for a BIANYS message board in the hopes such a board would improve communication between you, Marie, and BIANYS members. You have yet to take part in this conversation and I know a lot of us would like to hear from you, especially since a lot of us are BIANYS members. Thus far only Marie has responded.

In my experience with non-profits I've never run across one where the communication with members is left up to the president of the board of directors while paid staff like yourself stay out of it. It just doesn't make sense. One of the reasons there is paid staff is to communicate with members, especially in cases like this in which many of us are on limited incomes and can't meet face to face at the  drop of a hat.

Silence leaves an empty space which is often filled with conclusions that may be inaccurate. For example, is the executive director of BIANYS willfully ignoring members of the organization she heads?

We would like to hear from you, you are important to us, and, we would like the message board which will improve communication and lead to less misunderstandings.


Kahrmann Blog

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 10:54 AM No comments:
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
The following email was sent to me as final word after NY Disability services got away with closing my case stating I need to go to a brain injury rehab proving I'm employable and engage in Pharmalogical needs for my disability. It is from a woman named Kate Falcon who moved to Utica NY from NYC because of 9/11/01 (I think). Kate Falcon allowed my life to be ruined after NY Disability services said they would pay for me to go to that place and be treated (OF COURSE THE FUNDER GETS THE SAY!). Years later Kate had to protect a woman with a brain injury who was a pediatric nurse previous to injury and after jerking that nurse around Kate was no longer employed in Utica and few of us will ever know if she was fired or allowed to resign or retire. Welcome to the bizarre nature of those in power in NYS. MOST are never fired and there is no accountability (my flame to the frying pan existence). This is only a piece in the mountain of history with these people who have disregard for those they're supposed to protect. Sound familiar?

>From: kfalcon <>
>To: Occupied Newbie
>Subject: RE: phone call follow up
>Date: Tue, 21 May 2002
>Don't be so rigid. Arguing for every little dot and comma is not helping.
>Everyone is not all wrong or all right. But if we are all coming to similar
>conclusions maybe you need to re-visit your own opinions.-K\

some previous emails to this one from Kate:

>From: kfalcon <>
>To: Occupied Newbie
>Subject: Contact with VESID
>Date: Fri, 5 Apr 2002
>Occupied Newbie,
>Tried to reach Reyone and/or Doherty. They won't be back until Wed. next. So
>we'll try again next week. Call me Friday afternoon. Email me your correct
>phone #-, it's buried somewhere....
>Kate Falcon
>Call collect!

2. from me to her on above date:

    Tue 4/09/02

Please be aware of what happens with these state disability services. For example, when Donna Gillette intervened for me, Stephen Novacich didn't answer her for 2 months and when she got in touch with him, he said he couldn't find my stuff. True or not true, something is very wrong because it doesn't take 2 months for this type of thing. So if you find you're not getting answers, know what they do. There's probably other things you should know and I'll let you know as I remember them.

I certainly have no problem doing what I can on my end of things but I only hold so much weight.

Occupied Newbie

>From: kfalcon <>
>To: "Occupied Newbie
>Subject: Check this out
>Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002
>Info on business plans, this is a nice site...-Kate Falcon

>From: kfalcon <>
>To: Occupied Newbie
>Subject: RE: RE: please help with state disability services
>Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002
>Occupied Newbie
>Debbie Reyome from job coaching called me back yesterday afternoon and indicated
>that they (state disability services)would be writing to you in lieu of calling in order to 'get
>everything straight'. This may be a good thing to have documented. Please
>update all of your medical records as pertains to current employability;
>this includes a current psych evaluation. I anticipate a struggle here, and
>I want to have as much information that supports your employment goals as
>By the way, have you a current employment plan that has changed or been
>modified since your last state disability service meeting? Call or email. I'll be out at
>another state disability service meeting until 2:30p today.-Kate
>From: kfalcon <>
>To: dgillette <>
>CC: Occupied Newbie
>Subject: Occupied Newbie job search
>Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002
>Spoke to Occupied Newbie today......State disability service is again trying to
>find reasons not to
>work with her....however, I was just thinking...her local ILC is @ 20
>miles away. Might they be interested in seeing her resume? I think it's
>worth a shot. After all, who better to employ then those capable consumers
>whom we try to help? Your thoughts? Please copy Occupied Newbie at this cc email

6. From me to Kate Falcon after her behavior shocked me into silence after
all this time
    Mon 5/20/02

The outcome of today's meeting was not what it was supposed to be. Regardless, of where ever I may go or whatever I may do I atleast could and should get help with endeavors until then. Regardless of anything, I'm entitled to getting help setting up work from home if that's what I need (if state disability services insist that I'm not office material - which is ludicrous in all reality). They based what they had to say on an environment which was not conducive to my disability in the first place. Regardless of the setup, I carried out the job until the minute the job ended.

I can't be expected to make sense in all that I said today. I did much better at the meeting reading because (as you saw as time went on) I was not prepared for a lot. I have no intention (regardless of anyplace I may go at whatever time in the future) of doing absolutely nothing. It's obvious to me that I have not been successful setting up work from home on my own. I'll simply ask for that help if State Disability Services insist I'm not office material.

Is it possible to get help setting that up???

Occupied Newbie

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 7:50 AM No comments:
Email This
Wednesday, April 30, 2014

One of the many many attempts I made at getting help with this NYS situation. This is a record of Colleen Kober Pasqale's infamous moments of showing her intelligence. NYS was behind police calling the police in my mother's town across state lines to get me admitted to the hospital twice for psychiatric treatment. On both occasions the emergency room doctors rolled their eyes as to why I was there and sent me home. One of the NJ emergency room doctors told me to follow up with the NY doctor when I get there but she has NO CLUE what the NY politics is. Neither did Colleen or the other cop but Colleen who knew me before coma couldn't even piece together ... she started out telling me to give her a good reason why they should not bring me to the hospital. I did my best at the time but her IQ or intuition should have told her something

was off about the whole situation. Nice going Colleen! As a matter of fact that situation happened within a month of 9/11/01. 

From:     Occupied Newbie
Sent:    Thu 1/24/02

Mr. Anderson,

Following is my old message from Jan 2, 2002.  Not much has changed.  I just keep getting further into debt and further away from things I've learned in college. 

As I said earlier on the phone, I have been sending an informal coorespondance just about everyday to Washington DC.  There is a lack of good reason to with hold VESID services from me.  ... I am working with Donna Gillette of the RILC in Utica to help me in this matter.  She and I have been cooresponding with Steven Novacich of the Malone office since August of 2001. My being dropped from other services dates back to August or September 2000.

Mr. Novacich states two emergency room visits as proof that I'm not fit for services but that lacks credibility because I was never admitted to the emergency room either time in August of 2001.  Mr. Novacich called the police to escort me to the emergency room and I had no choice but to go.  I was never admitted.  There are other inconsistencies such as Mr. Novacich stating that I was paranoid to give my old VESID counselor my doctors records when the truth of the matter is that I've had an extremely hard time transitioning from School to that type of situation (difficulty transitioning to different environments is common with my condition).  There are other inconsistencies.

I possess a Bachelor of Science degree and I'm fully capable and entitled to receive services.  I can be reached at 

Thank you,

Occupied Newbie

April 30th 2014
Mom's talking to the mother of one of the non-disabled children she used to always compare me to and put me down for not being like. She's discussing her daughter's most recent sucesses of selling her home for $1 million and it was featured in a major newspaper. Mom also in the year 2000 said I should do like all these other people by moving to an up and coming part of NJ. This same child also sold her townhouse (co-op?) from this place for double the amount of money she bought it for. I'm just not good enough. In hindsight was it worth it? A life of no protection upon being released from a children's hospital with a diagnosis of severe brain damage. From the cradle to the grave. From the flame to the frying pan. Nice job Morris County Surrogate's Court.

April 29th 2014 

What a stupid woman. Last night was yet another episode for her to get what is needed. I really get irked sometimes by her distinct whining. Well there was a lot of it last night because she got physically ill and I stayed silent waiting to see how this plays out. At one point she said to Christine "I don't know if I can help you (get ready for bed) tonight." Just like she taught Christine through stress and negativity to say she doesn't want to live here anymore but Christine doesn't say that anymore since mom recently came back at her with "then leave!" What an idiot guardian of an incompetent to say such a thing. So as usual last night is mumbling all these things she has to do when it's really obvious she's not as able-bodied to do everything anymore. Well this morning everyone woke up an hour late because the alarm wasn't set. When I saw that it was getting light outside I called Christine. Mom said she told me to to set the clock and close the front door. As if! She's already been told many times what to do at the Morris County Surrogate's Court to take care of that problem. Justice for the child that got ignored - what a stupid woman.

i still didn't say anything when I learned Christine almost lost her balance getting onto the bus yesterday morning. Mom can't request the necessity that Christine use the lift? The driver yesterday is the sourest of all drivers and is a former cop. He's the impatient kind even when he arrives early. On one of these days I had to go out to tell him nicely that "she'll be out in a few minutes. She thought she had until 9am." His response with an attitude was "well I could go and come back in a few minutes." My unspoken response was "or you could go get yourself a paper and desk job and steer clear of the public asshole." He had some validity when he told mom once that perhaps she should keep Christine home on snow and ice days because the driver's responsibility is not to leave the bus and help the patron on. Yesterday though Christine was at the bus already when this incident occurred. Something is really wrong when i'm the most competent for christine's medical needs and history happened the way it did for this loose cannon.

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 3:46 PM No comments:
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Oh yes the guy at the Department of Education did try to help me. He kept being lied to by NYS:
From: (
Sent:    Wed 4/24/02


Occupied Newbie

>From: "Anderson, Richard" <>
>To: 'Occupied Newbie
>Subject: RE: please help with VESID
>Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2002
>Occupied Newbie : May I forward your message to Rich Strohl.
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Occupied Newbie
>Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2002
>Subject: RE: please help with VESID
>Hi Rick,
>As we discussed, it sounds like someone just gave someone a story as the
>real story is that my VESID counselor promised CAP (rcil) last week that she would
>call me the following day and neither one of us has heard from her.  I am
>only getting further into debt and further away from my education.
>Occupied Newbie
> >From: "Anderson, Richard" <>
> >To: 'Occupied Newbie
> >Subject: RE: please help with VESID
> >Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002
> >
> >Occupied Newbie:
> >I have contacted VESID and spoken to Richard Strohl. It is my understanding
> >that your counselor will be getting in touch with you shortly to discuss
> >your case.
> >
> >Rick
> >
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Occupied Newbie
> >Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2002
> >To:
> >Subject: please help with VESID
> >
> >
> >Dear Mr. Anderson,
> >
> >The following are emails about VESID and ADA problems up here.  I don't
> >have
> >
> >the exact wording but I was informed that my newly assigned counselor is
> >not
> >
> >doing much for me because of her superiors directing her not to.  I also
> >have to cancel MD appointments based on the physical setup of a building.
> >
> >I didn't have enough information when I spoke to you last week but I
> >believe
> >
> >I have sufficient for now.  Please review copies of emails below.
> >
> >Thank you
> >
> >Occupied Newbie
> >
> >
> >It's nice to see VESID running true to form....I haven't called your new
> >counselor since last week, hoping that she would have followed up as
> >promised re the counseling /job search center...fear not! Check out
> >,,,,
> >(that's america's job bank, an interesting place, very secure site....)Even
> >if you find nothing currently, it may give you some ideas about available
> >jobs near you, or in designing your own job....)Kate
> >
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Occupied Newbie
> >Sent: Monday, April 22, 2002
> >To:
> >Subject: Re: Check this out
> >
> >
> >Hi Kate,
> >
> >Thanks for the site.  I'm reviewing it.  I just got your email now.
> >
> >Have you heard from VESID?  I've heard nothing.
> >
> >Occupied Newbie
> >
> >________________________________________________________________________
> >The following email was sent today:
> >________________________________________________________________________
> >
> >Hi Kate,
> >
> >Thanks for the sites. I'll check them out.
> >Could you please ask Donna Gillette or whoever is responsible about the
> >following:
> >
> >I had to cancel out my appointment with the MD up here because there is no
> >compromising me having to walk to the back corner of the building just to
> >see him.  The psychologist I see in conjunction with him atleast comes
> >downstairs and meets me in the front of the building.
> >
> >Until I spoke to her this morning I was under the impression that, in order
> >to see him today, I would meet her by the locked side door downstairs
> >across
> >
> >from the elevators.
> >
> >When I just spoke to her she informed me not; that I would still walk to
> >the
> >
> >back corner of the building only I would be able to cut a few corners in
> >order to get to him.  I canceled the appointment.
> >
> >Please let me know what part of the ADA this comes under or whatever else?
> >
> >Thank you
> >
> >Occupied Newbie
> >
> >************************************************
> >*Tact is the ability to describe others as they*
> >*see themselves - Abraham Lincoln              *
> >*                                              *
> >*Now give me a job - brain injury survivor     *
> >************************************************
> >
> >
> >
> >
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 8:14 AM No comments:
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
posting this early because there's a cop here and I'm not sure why. There's way too much information to post. more people

contacted in futile effort to save my own life:
Sent:    Mon 12/17/01 and 12/23/01 and 12/26/01, and many more dates
Sent:    Mon 12/17/01 and many more dates
Sent:    Mon 12/17/01 and 12/21/01 and 12/23/01 and many more dates

4. 12/23/01 (vice president's office forwarded my case here)

5. 1/25/02 with 1-4 CC'd

Mr. Anderson,

I just got through speaking with the RILC in Utica.  Several messages over the past week have been left with Mr. Novacich and Pam Dority from VESID and nothing has been heard back.  The following is my resume:

6. 1/28/02,,,,,,, etc

Dear Mr. Novacich,

I last was informed that you did something with my case.  I'm still waiting.

Occupied Newbie

May 1st 2014
looking over all this stuff just putting together what at the time was mass transit in my head and idling made it worse. I was closed off from job services in 2000. I was carried out 2ce to an ambulance while I was watching Christine with mom away in 2001. Within a month of NYS services being proven 2ce they're a bunch of corrupt morons because the NJ hospital had no reason to admit me September 11th happened. Other records in 02 and 03 show how I just kept trying to fix this up until late 03 but then in the beginning of 04 is when NYS police attacked me and I got drugged against my will and forcibly hospitalized which canceled my way overdue surgery for 04 in March rescheduled for september 04 which is twelve years after

I was told I need surgery in the first place because the orthopedic doctor destabilized my knee that year. I was held up until April 05 medically and then I moved to where the lawyer handling the police and hospital abuse was. This is exhausting going over how abuse of power led to my end...will have to pick up some other time but I will say I had no choice but to return to NYS services without a lawyer after all else failed and there still was no saving  me. The other option is to bury me. I needed protection.

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 7:04 AM No comments:
May 1st 2014
How about a secret list in NY of who never to hire. Makes sense to me. I remember Frack Action of NY (whom I was extremely active with) had the mentality that if Cuomo just keeps putting off the Gas companies they'll just go away. That's a NY attitude I've heard throughout the years and suspected it through the years which was more fuel to the fire to stay. Didn't think about one of these though which is probably the case. Onto an extra round for today. I'm so fucking tired of idling and so fucking tired not getting a break and so fucking tired of no justice ... If there's a time and a place for everything I can see how me sticking around ny for social media to hang ny's underwear out all came together.

May 2nd 2014

Btw I'm still left to die even with these FB postings. After I posted about christine's tantrum following getting something wrong after my collectors called here the collection calls to this house stopped. Recently since I posted about the bus lift one of the drivers atleast has been automatically been putting down the lift for Christine. That type of silent uninvolvement but band-aiding the situation from afar has led me to where I am. Ever see the movie The Firm with Tom Cruise? I'm pretty sure it's this movie that Tom comes home to tell his wife about their house being bugged. Hollywood may put it into that context but i'm still trying to figure out who would be behind this reality TRUELY. potsdam would seem to be the government given it's a close tie-in with canadian capital Ottawa. Keep in mind Alanis says " I recommend walking out round naked in your living room." Why would she say that? My mother has long since embarrassed me walking around this

house with only underwear on and the window coverings wide open. Why does she do that when it's obvious that's something you can do in the fields of Ireland or in the hustle-bustle NYC but not here in quiet suburbia?

Last unanswered communication to Christopher Luango, deputy surrogate:
To Sun, Nov 17, 2013

In case you're not following this on facebook this interaction between Claire Mould and this household reveals why this case needs to be reopened.

Occupied Newbie 3 hours ago • Edited
fortune cookie: "time is precious but truth is more precious than time." perhaps Claire and The Way International should apply chimese philosophies to medical conditions. Last night I was woken by a dream of all I heard was a loud scream but I can't say it came from a person. The dream gave me understanding or perspective from the outside of how no one wants to be on the receiving end of when certain brain injury symptoms kick in like the inability to stop from going psycho on the most personal people in my life who ignore the essence of my needs to stay sanely interactive with them. Brain injury counselors know that symptom of when a raw nerve is being ridden upon there is an inability to stop from hitting the roof so to speak (not to be confused with "manic-depression"). Mom doesn't remember going with me to one of these professionals long ago who put that symptom into words. These are brain injury symptoms Claire walks away from dealing with and understanding and without intervention how do I not have my hands tied and wind up a casualty in all this?
Like • Comment • Share

Occupied Newbie just had another flasback of being ignored. there was a time that for close to a year when i was 15 constantly begging mom to buy a steamer for cooking our vegetables because it's healthier. as usual with SO MANY things i went ignored until her sister told her she bought one and although it may sound comical to some that is a black comedy highlighting the world of invalidation i was raised in post-injury which had serious consequences that leads me to being the casualty of this woman needing to have had oversight in raising her children post-injury.

Edited • Like • More • 3 hours ago

Occupied Newbie feeling light-headed todayand not sure why. somtimes low blood pressure can do that and if you're eating things like garlic which can further lower blood pressure that can happen. is my heart finally giving out? if so DO NOT save me and throw a party that i'm resting in peace.
Like • More • 2 hours ago

Occupied Newbie =%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DcRT_cNfsQsk
Like • More • 2 hours ago
Smithereens With Belinda Carlisle - Blue Period

Occupied Newbie Claire just left and still wont address a life and death issue so i simply kept reading this entire thread over and over and i went ignored. she's coming back and i will resume and their cruelty will resume as well. mark my words. mom says take Christine to the get-better plan and i will not do that, lessons learned, without there being some kind of formal oversight. Mom can have her pride or I have no saving in this life. Mom is doing like my exboyfriend did of reverse psychology in trying to turn this to be just some almost -mysterious problem of my own. Christine was able to answer what mom didn't understand of who the ex is. For me that is a joyous milestone and reminds me of all the good me and my ex did for Christine with a btand new puppy we helped Christine with. Mom sees that as trivial. That highlights the aloofness to

our medical needs. I don't hate my mom by any means. But mom has and is making it impossible for still won't accept my refusal to do this get-better plan informally based on experience. Claire is back and I will not back down from her knowing what she is consciensly denying /ignoring.

 Edited • Like • More • 1 hour ago

Occupied Newbie so Claire has been addressed by mom and Claire is experiencing a temper tantrum. glad Claire finally witnesses this. Claire now knows the screaming Christine does. mom just said anyone would scream at me. the brain injury temper tantrum is still happening. when Christine was scteaming Claire had to go in a room and close the door because she can't handle her family as they are. all this time Claire says i'm the only one who does this. i texted telling her but she denies getting those kind of communications. not that it matters but Claire finally sees this is not just me. mom asked Claire if she would sit down w a professional and Claire refused.
Edited • Like • More • 31 minutes ago

Occupied Newbie I'm sure Claire will sourly regret ignoring her family believing god has taken care of her. Claire has not been in this house to know the lives she left behind. i'm so glad Claire finally witnesses but i dont trust she will healthfully know what to do with this knowledge because she is uninvolved in the crux of her family. We already heard it from the horses mouth she refuses to sit down with a mediator. I hugged Christine apologizing she is going thru this but obviously Claire is not in this family's best interest. This is why I keep sending out sis flares for help. Nobody is coming to our aid. Mom tried. Edited • Like • More • 17 minutes ago

e Claire just left. like all of us she can't function with background noise which was my reading material. Like • More • 15minutes ago

Occupied Newbie Claire has FINALLY WITNESSED WHAT SHE LEFT BEHIND. I almost want to postpone my annihalation date to see how this plays out. i think i most definitely will hold off. exactly what i've been saying that Claire does not know enough about this household. i just dont have anyone (legal help) to get the surrogate's court to reopen the case. I'll probably email this entire thread to the deputy surrogate. He has not returned any of my phone calls or emails.
Edited • Like • More

• Just now

To Fri, Nov 15, 2013
I'm still at my mother's house. We started seeing a mediator who is a witness to some things I've been saying. Claire Mould told mom it's ok for me to be the medical guardian. Without me being involved Christine is missing out on these type of advances that will evolve into brain injury and paralysis if not already:


 To Mon, Aug 12, 2013
Mr. Luongo,
I am awaiting your response to this issue of forwarding my matter to the judge since there is no form as you indicated and my life is on the line in the next month.

I was supposed to be dead in November having run out of resources with good credit. I then learned about Strike Debt from the Occupy Wall Street movement: on October 25, 2012 at the Oakland California pepper spraying anniversary.

I myself have permanent injuries from police which is the tip of the iceberg for all the other vulnerabilities that I have been unprotected from all these inappropriate years as a developmentally disabled child turned vulnerable adult.

Having run out of all resources including a simple line of credit in my checking account I had the final date of my final road trip to be the beginning of August. Just then a job happened out of no where -the type of college educated job I should have had for the past 15 or so years where I'm treated as should be and have the opportunity for growth. I seem to be kept alive for a reason so you need to get busy on this and you need to let me know in writing if you are unwilling to act.

I don't intend on leaving my house untended to in upstate NY for another winter as has been the case for the 2012-2013 winter season. I have no one to look after my affairs. As is evident my mother was not good with planning - not even for herself. She never had any plans to retire but she was forced to stop working due to being laid off. She will now face the prospect of age discrimination in getting another job. That will give her a taste of the disability discrimination that has been ruining my future for the last 15 years among a myriad of other issues that all indicate the appropriateness of having Judge Wilson's careless decision from 2009 redone. Christine's treatment plan still remains unacted upon without me being involved. I just spoke with my mother a few minutes ago and it is the same normal conversation as any other day. She misled everyone. She just didn't know how to explain me as her daughter.

You don't want to be haunted by me when I'm gone. Do the right thing and forward this matter to the new judge so a family can be together. I'm expecting to hear back from you.

To Fri, Aug 9, 2013

Dear Mr. Luongo,
I followed up your directions exactly to google the form you told me: "motion to reopen case morris county surrogate's court" and there was no form. I called Sally who said she never heard of the form but gave me forms on the website that come close to this. I don't need to fill out wrong forms over this most serious matter. I need you to forward all my requests to the new judge or however this will be legally handled. I don't have time left that you are indicating with the regular mail system and waiting for someone to get around to this.

As I repeat myself to you I have no money left. That the money released to me from the Morris County Surroggate's court has gone to inappropriate post-medical-need college, inappropriate living, and then finally when Judge Wilson made a decision to ignore my mother's recklessness even further I took the last of what I had to execute my bucket list which was to drive across the country. My mother has had 8 or9 months to take care of this because I left last September.

My objective is not money. My objective is returning to my mother's house and getting Christine the updated medical care she so desires by being her medical guardian and taking her to the treatment plan still waiting for her. As I ,have stated my mother lied and misled everyone by saying I am not part of her household for over the last decade. Obviously being that I have prepared to die due to her medical neglect of me, I cannot afford to be there informally anymore.

I need the new judge to reconsider this case. Judge Wilson asked my mother point blank about the history of Christine's medical care and admonished her after receiving the same lacksidasical response as always has existed.Not only was Claire Mould given a court order she wasn't allowed back in the home after my mother acted out in court in 1985 but Claire Mould has been uninvolved in ourlives since the 1985-1986 time period. Richard Mould is uninvolved in this family's life totally yet made it a point that Claire couldn't be involved in this guardianship if I was.

This is going to turn out very bad if something is not done here. My mother is just as reckless today as she has always been not taking seriously that it's a simple matter of me going on my final road trip if I have nothing to return to. The new judge has the opportunity to save a life in a very short amount of time. Claire and Richard Mould raised a special needs child, Christopher Mould who was too smart for slow classes and too slow for normal classes so Claire Mould had to sit with him every night for those special needs. This matter has been dealt with extremely negligently and I need the new judge to redo this. If such a form exists to make a motion to reopen a case then by all means send it to me or the web address for it.

Thu, Aug 1, 2013

This is a follow-up to my call to you this morning.

You asked what I wanted to happen with the email I sent to you yesterday. Your question surprised me so I May not have answered it thoroughly. I thought I already made it clear yesterday.

I want this case revisited/retried/redone by the new judge. As is attached here my mother misled the court making out that I'm not part of her household. Christine, on a regular basis, states her desire to "get better." My mother's sister who resides in Yonkers NY, does the same as my mother of not taking her seriously -that type of neglect or oversight is how I'm in the position I am of waiting to die due to medical neglect, oversight, and lack of knowledge about the American system.

After being diagnosed in 1988 Morris County social worker Marilyn Mindes never got me involved in DDD which, at the time, I would have qualified for. My mother was forced to get Christine involved in DDD in 2001, approximately 13 years after disability onset. (Because my mother doesn't have the same relationship with Claire Mould and I refused to informally care for Christine while my mother continues to not deal with this subject matter).

I also indicated my need for legal counsel as the pro se proceeding as influenced by Sally at the Morris co. surr. Court, did more hurt than help.

I will follow up next week. My journey is on Facebook under the name Occupied Newbie. Many posts have been deleted by Facebook internal problems.


From Occupied Newbie
Wed, Jul 31, 2013

I was given your email and fax by Sally today but dont currently have access to a fax.

I am requesting the matter of Christine be revisited by the new judge since judge Wilson has retired. I need you to contact me via phone(s) or email since I am in California waiting to die as a result of my mother's medical neglect of her children. I only receive my snail mail every 2-4 months. I have a permanent job to sustain me but I am not a California resident. I have enough money to get back home with a guarantee that this matter will be revisited -particularly with the questioning of my brother-in-law Richard Mould who played a significant background role. In addition I assure you my mother misled the court. I'm attaching the voice recording of my mother telling me to come home to her any time I want.

I would like legal representation for me from the court/state.

I will follow up. I dont have a lot of time left. I need the court to act quickly.
Thank you,

Even though I got a full night's sleep last night I woke up just to numb myself back to sleep. There's enough evidence (and I have way more still) but for now:

From Occupied Newbie
Mon, Apr 1, 2013

The following was written a while ago and for some reason saved in my drafts folder. Update is that I have less than 2 months before my last $300 is used and after that I have enough to get me back to a situation conducive to all disabled children or I will die in the desert. Save this life or be haunted by injustice. I left you a voicemail recently that my mother is incoherent to this reality and was incompetent to raise me post injury in Catholic school. Of all her crimes I'm willing to settle for a plea bargain of returning to the place she's wanted me back at for years under certain conditions.

I'm panicking over how close to death I am due to her and the Court's negligent oversight.
I was in the court approximately November 2009. I will die in less than a year due to resource depletion from medical negligence oversight the way things are. Judge Deanne Wilson made a grossly inadequate mistake in the Guardianship of Christine. My mother misled you all.

I only went pro se after Sally (court clerk) was reassuring that it was ok for me to go pro se. ref=tn_tnmn#!/occupied.newbie? viewas=100000686899395&returnto=profile&sk=inf o

You need to reopen this case and I need adequate legal counsel. Justice was not served
Well duh! Finally??????

going through old records and am up to the point where I got in touch with many lawyers while in the nursing home to prevent my discharge to this unproductive life. Mom who informally managed my money at this time took out a chunck for the amount I needed to pay the lawyers AND stated she would be willing to take me in upon discharge so the nursing home won and I wasted money.

Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
Saturday, May 3, 2014
These were the exact type of IT professionals I was qualified to be with but NYS ruined my career. Of course I don't mention that in this email. I didn't want to hue any future prospect with them with disability discrimination. No protection. No justice. No peace. This is after I moved out of that area that I was depending on NYS for help after having the long overdue surgery.

Thank you for your time. I've already been in touch with all of these agencies. Please reconsider as I need to start someplace.  I've just been living in a deficient area prior to this.
Occupied Newbie
From: <>
To: Occupied Newbie
Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2006

Dear Occupied Newbie,

I would like to thank you for your interest in utilizing our professional placement services.  Unfortunately, we are not in

a position to assist you. ISSI Technology Professionals specializes in IT and Engineering placement for those that have two

years or more experience.  Some agencies that we recommend to better serve your area of expertise are as follows:

CR Fletcher
First Choice
Express Personnel Services
Office Team

I sincerely wish you good luck in your job search and hope this information is helpful. 

Rae Michelle Bocchino

Rae Michelle Bocchino
ISSI Technology Professionals
5730 Commons Park Drive, E. Syracuse NY  13057
315-449-1838, extension 10 

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 4:02 PM No comments:
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
> > >From: kfalcon
> > >To: "Occupied Newbie'
" > > >Subject: request for legal services
> > >Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2003
 > > > > > > Attorney Elizabeth Snyder of Legal Services has requested
 > >I
 > > >e-mail you to inform you that she will be unable to speak with you at
 > > >time.
She also urges that you work with the Client Assistance Program if
> > > > >all possible.
> > > > > >Speaking for myself and the CAP program, please keep me informed of your
> > >detailed intentions re any future relationship you may have with VESID. I
 > > > >will help in whatever way works best and provides you with the IPE \
> > >that suits your current employment needs.
 > >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Occupied Newbie
> >Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2003
> >To:
 > >Subject: Re: request for legal services
 > > > > > > > >Thank you Kate but I need to speak to Ms. Snyder myself on this.
 > > > >Just one of the things I would like to know about VESID is if they pay for
> >consumer's expenses to a job. This is a job happy with my work and I'm
> >happy working there.

> >From: kfalcon
> > >To: Occupied Newbie
> >Subject: RE: request for legal services
> >Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2003
> > > >Yes, they can pay for needed expenses to a job on a limited basis. Carfare,
> > >gas/or mileage, repairs, etc. Depends on what you mean, 'consumer's
> >to a job'...
> >

>-----Original Message-----
>From: Occupied Newbie
>Sent: Thursday, February 20, 2003
>Subject: RE: request for legal services
> > > >Kate,
> >The library where I am happened to be open late on Thursdays so here i am.
> >She may deny taking my case but Senator Clinton's office didn't think that
>was ok the last time I heard from them.
> >I am getting in over my head in some ways. Where VESID would, should, and
>could be helping me (expenses, etc,). I am way over qualified for the
>position I'm in. I am versed in a high degree of software and the company
>I'm working for puts out professional documentation that I could very easily
>fit into doing. There's much more to it than that. I am getting higher and
>higher credit card payments just to stay where I work (for a fraction of the
>money I'm worth - I've been trained in a high degree of software). That's
>not even mentioning all the expenses. I'm sorry I had to hang up so fast
>from the phone today but even making phone calls is a problem for me these
>days and I can only hope I won't get in trouble making the long distance
>call from work.
> >I am expecting someone to start taking action on my behalf some time. Like
>I said, I don't see this as progress. It is largely just overcoming the
>suppression these vindictive people are doing to me. I can almost prove
>that Pam Dority is doing just that (along with others).
> >I'll check my email again probably Friday night or Saturday.
> >I look forward to see what VESID's next step is. I still need legal
>assistance (doctor's orders).
> >I look forward to your response.
> >Thanks

>From: kfalcon

>To: Occupied Newbie
>Subject: RE: request for legal services
>Date: Fri, 21 Feb 2003
> >Debbie Reyome may, she hasn't yet, deny you vocational rehab services based
>on the fact that you are employed full time, but she just may. You believe
>that you have not maximized your employment potential, which is part of the
>federal regs guidelines.
>Is there a chance that you may be able to move up within the company in
>order to utilize your capabilities? I know that you understand that a job
>with more pay usually entails more responsibility and more pressure. If you
>feel that the environment where you are now is conducive to keeping you
>productive, and that the management there will provide accommodations should
>you require them, then that may be a logical step for you to take. You have
>not been there that long, but if you think that the long trip would be
>wearing over time, (60 miles is a lot), then perhaps you can keep looking in
>local papers for other jobs closer to home for the time being. I'll get in
>touch with Debbie R. today.
> >Kate

Subject: FWD from 2/23/03 RE: request for legal services

And Kate what are you going to do for me if she denies me services?  I am burning out the way I'm doing this.  I'm am not stable doing this on my own.  It's not in a healthy situation.  I'm in a temp position and I'll find out mid March what is happening with the position.  I am burning out living life the way I am without services.  I'm  expecting that I'll get VESID straight to help me wiht the life management I need.  VESID is supposed to help me and I need help!  I'm getting by the way I am but it's not enough.

Yes I know about keep looking for a different job the way I am but that's part of the management I need help with.  While concentrating on this job I don't have time to job hunt elsewhere.  Nor do I have adequate phone or internet access to do so.  While concentrating on this job my home (setup) is neglected.  While it's neglected, I don't have a tidy, manageable home to come home to.  While I don't have a managed home life, I have mass transit in my head, etc...  do you see what this is adding up to?

It would seem typical of VESID to deny services and that's part of what I need legal assistance about that stems in Utica. 

May 3rd 2014
Omg mom does it again! But instead of looking into a possible decades old mistake of my disabled welfare simply keeps up her "oh no that's not it" attitude! Someone save us!
she still says and does nothing about it but tends to christine's needs as if nothing is wrong. what a moron! atleast for handicapped needs!
i dont need this fucking harassment. 3 hrs later stupid says that the decades old mistake was a matter that decades ago a doctor signed papers that Christine is disabled. earlier that year is when mom drove me to a hospital for a diagnosis not even mentioning i already had a diagnosis when released from a children's hospital over a decade earlier. there is a pattern of neglect here and a pattern of just wanting to not deal with this overwhelming situation and not reaching out to anyone for help. I'll be hanging out more underwear soon.
This woman just goes on and on causing so much stress 1 about the paperwork she can't find for christine's appt and once finds it everyone can take a breath 2 can't remember right now when she repeated her infamous "I can't take this anymore" which crashed this life into a wall. There's always A PROBLEM. I'm too numb right now to comment further.
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 2:46 PM No comments:

Sunday, May 4, 2014
 lmastrodonato@cpsprofessionals.c (lmastrodonato@cpsprofessionals.c)
Fri 8/17/07

I am writing because I am extremely disturbed to hear what I did today from Lindsey who took over for Bridget Martin. After sending countless faxes and emails to CPS since the summer of 2006 with no response, I learned today the reason why.

Bridget noted for me not to be considered for employment.

I learned today that I'm ineligible with CPS because she noted about me that I requested direct hire with Suburban (more about that later). I was astounded that the account did not note Bridget's blunder from April 2006 when it came to my unemployment benefits.

After Suburban had ended Bridget had called me up to go on an interview and I declined because my car trouble. Bridget told unemployment I refused a job offer and so I had to struggle further with unemployment in getting my benefits. Eventually, Charles at the Department of Labor helped me straighten out the unemployment problem stating the same thing I said, that it was an interview and not a job offer.

As far as Suburban goes, it was regularly encouraged by co-workers and staff alike to see about going on permenant with Suburban. I had no idea that it would take away from CPS receiving credit, etc. I still have emails that I forwarded to myself from Suburban regarding this and can forward them to you upon request.
I know of another individual who told me (approximately a year ago) of problems she's had with Bridget at CPS. Still, I gave Bridget the benefit of the doubt until today.

I hold a Bachelor of Science degree from a highly accredited University, I type 50 words per minute, and I still have the "Perfect Attendance" certificate from Suburban given out at our end-of-the-season breakfast. I am available for work now as I was all this time that I've been faxing and emailing my resume to CPS. My testing at CPS reflects my high qualifications.

I still have many names from Suburban fresh in my memory as that is as well as we worked as a team. I would expect that after this clarification I should be hearing back from you about further clarification, job offers w/ Suburban, or job offers with many other clients that I'm qualified for.

In May of 2007 I was put in touch with the pediatric nurse that Kate Falcon  screwed with. The public defender had gotten us in touch. He was formally my lawyer who believed how much I should just follow all VESID recommendations because "those are the people who are going to help." I'm guessing his eyes were opened when he had to defend this case. The medical services handling the area had her arrested for tape recording their conversations after they started to f*ck with her. If it were me I never would have let them know I was recording them. I would have just kept my evidence to myself but perhaps she felt she could just take care of the situation right there and then since she was a local to the area and had a certain belief system in the area she grew up in. She is a local to the area since she was young but obviously had no idea of the

things happening in the disabled community under her nose. I was an outsider with an intuition that my life is meant to be something and even still feel that hopefulness or maybe it's a matter of I know I would have unfinished business here on this earth with the people who know they're guilty. Being friends with her was great but with bad timing. I felt like a normal human being again having a social life but unfortunately the timing was wrong because I had already gained enough of the knowledge she had yet to learn of how many people were yet going to f*ck with her and the sacrifices she'd have to make just to go someplace in life with these people. For example she bought into some of the social welfare programs just to survive and there's no way I was going to do that after having lost all I did. I have no idea if she ever broke through the corruption.

When first meeting her here are some warnings I gave her on 8/8/07:
"WARNING ON KATE FALCON: I worked with her leading up to my VESID mtg in 2002 (waiting at that time 3 yrs for VESID). She tape recorded the meeting (all aware of it) and let me have the tape. She's a real Ginger Rogers. Because VESID said they would pay to send me away to a TBI program, all my communications with her FOR MONTHS fell through the floor in an instant.

That's when I had to go to NJ and work for a while because from that mtg VESID deemed me unemployable unless i attended a brain injury program. Meanwhile I hold a Bachelor of Science degree and have a work history. See this is partly why I'm an alcoholic these days. The rage cant be contained so I just put myself to sleep many times w/ alcohol. Actually when I had my brain injury as a child it took away my ability to sleep normally (totally undiagnosed even to this day) so alcohol actually is good for me when I need to live a normal life and get enough sleep.Bob Bowser must be happy to be a hypocrite. Why would a born again Christian break counselor confidentiality and make fun of me for taking the legal route of standing up for myself? (again I contain the rage as I type). I have since remembered the woman's name I dealt with at MILC. Her name was Marcia Gray. You know her? She's related to someone who helped her get that job but I dont believe she works in govt anymore from what she said.Certain tape recordings without the other parties' knowledge is not illegal. I have to try to remember back on that. I hope you still have the tapes.
If you're dealing with the State Division of Human Rights in Albany, I highly recommend not going to them w/o a lawyer. I'm by far the only person whose had problems w/ them. I dont deal w/ Albany anymore but I've dealt with quite a few there at one time. We're under the catchment of Albany (unfortunately).

I think I'll be there before you are here. Not money but time prevents me from calling you. I'm very busy with certain things down here.

I'll keep the number in mind if I feel I need to call but for now I have my sanity back not dealing w/ govt entities. I'm sure my last Social Security responses to govt have been quite disturbing. I used to have a lot of energy and now that I've been put through the hell merry-go round in NYS medical life and govt, I'm floored by how much of my life is gone as a result...years I'll never get back (Cheers!)  
I hope that doesn't sound to disturbing but I'm actually quite a business woman."

and that this was one of my last emails when involved with her dated March 14, 2003:

"¿Usted no habla inglés, español, o ninguna lengua en todos?  Mi doctor me he aconsejado obtener servicios jurídicos en volver a VESID

>From: kfalcon
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 1:47 PM No comments:
Email This

May 6th 2014
sobbed today. it's hard letting go when you know it's not only not your fault but the answer is there and you just can't get to it. it's totally possible to have all resolved but some are only concerned with attitude, pride, and job security.

meanwhile a life is preparing to return to spirit at the hands of negligence. when i worked for AMA i really was not being competitive. i just knew the software better and as an administrative assistant was being helpful to the manager who took it as a sign i was after her job and then acted vindictively. oh Roy Christopherson how i wish you saw the light. that's what happened. i was so happy to be back amongst the kind people of the Adirondacks too. it's hard letting go but no one is saving me now. this is probably not going to publish correctly.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014
keeping comfortable as much as possible

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 4:48 PM No comments: Links to this post
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

1st one done from bedside but redone nonmobile
TOTALLY NOT EXPECTING THIS TO COME OUT RIGHT ON MOBILE: i haven't been capable of acting within statute of limitations and when i was i was surrounded by worthlessness...trying to rest. i'm glued to the couch. Like • More • Yesterday at 1:02pm

this should normally be an enthusiastic time. it's not. i love working but this is not going to save me. i don't have a lot of time to let them know if I'll take the job or not. crash! Like • More • Yesterday at 1:15pm Occupied Newbie it's not in my nature to decline a job...crash! who did this to me? Like • More • Yesterday at 1:25pm Occupied Newbie glued to the bed. Like • More • Yesterday at 1:58pm Occupied Newbie glue that's a good word. i feel like I'm finally unglueing. no family to step in. no protection. i know I'm fully capable of getting and keeping a job but I'm too screwed now for a position that is not going to save me. Like • More • Yesterday at 2:32pm Occupied Newbie as is the usual i found that spark of hope that atleast i'd be making half the social security guideline benefit and could keep my ss without hassle but that's not going to be enough to pay the taxes on my house in time. Like • More • Yesterday

at 3:34pm Occupied Newbie i think i'll be declining and wait for my end. there's more underwear to hang out like the work conditions i was put under at suburban with kristen wolford and how i tried to fix it through email (ccing my supervisor on it but turns out she missed the email so i had to resend her a copy) but if no one's going to fix this situation it doesn't matter anyway. in due time someone will have access to ALL the underwear. like wcny pbs station where i was a dependable employee next but was fired for asking for a disability accommodations. my lawyer settled with the eeoc for me to receive the pay i would have made but the agreement was that i would not work there anymore - something i highly contested with my lawyer but had no choice. then the eeoc guy asked his division if they should take this to the next step and the eeoc panel voted no. I know I deserved better in all these situations as I do now but that's life with hands tied. Edited • Like •

More • Yesterday at 3:53pm Occupied Newbie declination done Like • More • Yesterday at 4:21pm
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 4:44 PM No comments: Links to this post
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

From bedside but redone nonmobile
May 6th 2014
TOTALLY NOT EXPECTING THIS TO COME OUT RIGHT ON MOBILE: Yesterday at 5:15am • Christine's waking up swearing up a storm coz life is very difficult for her. It's 5:07 am and i'm still trying to get back to sleep since I was woken for some unknown reason at 1:30 am. No justice. No peace. No sleep. No peace. I just want out of this life. No protection. No protector. How about nothing. Sounds good to me. How about a slap across the face to Claire Mould so the sweet talking moron can wake the fuck up? Makes sense to me.

Yesterday at 6:11am • I.e. Christine has to yell to mom for help and mom yells out her  annoyance and Christine yells back "I can't help it..." and gets help from mom. This is why Christine was happier in other

places bcoz her needs weren't such a PROBLEM. hope I'm numb enough now to go back to sleep. Yesterday at 12:19pm Grueling decision to accept a part time low pay job (which isn't going to save my house from being taken from me) or throw in the towel. No one is saving this life and this life is done grabbing at straws for survival. And the beat goes on-not sure why that phrase entered my head. I'm so tired. mom still not connecting dots or if she has not doing anyth about it. I'm so tired. so so tired
Like • 1 • More • Yesterday at 12:23pm
maybe some other time. right now i just am so depleted. getting a job here is not a problem. i can start this week but i have no security like injured children should have.
Like • 1 • More • Yesterday at 12:29pm

i don't have time left to save my house for that. Like • More • Yesterday at 12:33pm thanks anyway

Mhana. you're a super wonder woman and if i ever was I've got the opposite to show for it. what a mess. Like • More •

Yesterday at 12:40pm
 thanks anyway Mhana. you're a super wonder woman and if i ever was I've got the opposite to show for it. what a mess. Like • More • Yesterday at 12:40pm
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 4:39 PM No comments: Links to this post
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
staying comfortable
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 6:55 AM No comments:
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

Wednesday, May 7, 2014
See I knew what I was doing. I never bothered with a blog. Now that I did (after someone unfriended me for not doing so) Google is threatening my suspension with the name I've chosen. Now i'm having a hard time changing the name and there's no one to contact directly. What a joke for them to tell people to put their first and last names out there. In other words: leave yourself wide open to being stalked, never get hired, etc etc. I'll be putting this on my blog too.
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 2:04 PM No comments:

Thursday, May 8, 2014
May 8th 2014
as i sit here in the rain having gotten up at in the middle of the night I was sure as a paranoia that police were going to come after me. Hasn't happened yet. My psyche was burned by being in Syracuse. When there I did have this overwhelming feeling people there are completely cop-calling happy. For instance the police were called once when a salesman doing a demonstration in a home did damage to the home owners property (like a mattress) as he was demonstrating the product. Just an example of the cop-calling happiness that is overboard and completely inappropriate for me to be around. But that's an example of the inappropriateness that my injured mind/brain should never have done. It warped my reality. THAT'S the

intuitive knowledge that kept me in one spot no matter how bad it was. All my college graduates (on the whole) went and traveled to many places for many jobs. INAPPROPRIATE. The places I've lived between leaving home and Syracuse were slower paced like my hometown so I'm not sure if the last place lived leaves the greatest impression or if the problem was the cop-happy place. I can feel how I would easily fall into a niche of using this time of night and this parking lot to keep up life. Flame to frying pan. I need someone to care for me. My health is in decline. I don't want to let go of life for all there is to accomplish but it's in the final countdown phase. No one has saved me all these years. I'm often getting little headaches now. It's to be expected.

 Not putting down Syracuse. Perhaps other places should be like that involving police more. Just not what I'm at all used to.

 May 9th 2014


"i too am puzzled by loved one's turning away.
    perhaps a new voice?
    a public display? ... of some kind to draw attention for social workers... good ones. would need to be dramatic i

suppose... theatrically speaking.
    need a skunk to make a stink, for ya? i could try to speak with ur mum?"
    that actually might be an idea. hmmm
    "Sometimes a new voice helps break thu denial.....but it could really piss her off."
    yeah i know. hmmm
    "What wpuld you have an advocate say for short.
    We can make a list...and orgaize by priorty...clarify the best possible way to say she heres it.
    How about a quiz for here to to know when to get help type. Idk. Just nrianstorming."
    and Thankyou for that word denial. i used to fight with her in high school about her being in denial. you picked up on that eh?
    "Well ...only hearing ur side...yada......but yeah
    What is the main thing u want translated to her relating to fisrt step actions for those payments n most importantly ..

being claimed as her own.
    Did I get that right?"
    my childhood hospital records indicated family counseling highly recommended due to the family not dealing with everything involved with this accident. never happened. during high school when my mother came to one counseling session i complained how after my father died i needed someone to practice with me for my spelling bee and when it came to certain words my mother was like "oh that's how you spell it!" nothing about that seemed earthshattering to the counselor. THAT'S what's wrong with psychology. my rehabilitative needs could have been nipped in the bud right there and then. SAME happened with the mediator we recently went to but that really is my bad. i overestimated that mediator based on a situation i

thought they figured out all by themselves but actually they started out knowing the supposed mystery they supposedly solved.
    our messages crossed. you sent while I was still typing. Let me finish my rant on that psychology thing. Psychologists are not trained in the brain itself and that's the crime. They are paid (similar to psychiatrists) to modify human behavior. Not even mentioning the pharmacy merry-go-round.
    ok i don't know where to begin in re: translation. I had no idea my mother collected social security for me and christine growing up. Once my money was released to me at 18 I gave her $2000 out of my kindness over what she's done for me like take me to modeling school and acting school and a tv commercial course. Even when I gave her that money she still never said "that's ok I received money for you and christine from the government that paid for it." And I remember her telling me she was going to use that money for some work that needed to be done on her teeth. With her memory to her advantage she doesn't remember that. Mhana I just dont know where to begin. She's not capable. I dont think it's her you should be talking to. I'd say talk to Morris County Surrogate Christopher Luongo but he hasn't answered his phone since I last spoke to him in July or August. Who else? I just don't know. anyway here's his contact info: phrone: 973-285-6492 PO box 900 Morristown NJ 07960 and if he

doesn't answer, call you back, or acknowledge you here's the court clerk's info: Sally Spinosa 973-285-6493. This was heard by Judge Deanne Wilson who is on her way to retiring (?not sure - last time I called there she was still there. Finishing cases? idk) at the time the money was released to me I think it would have been Judge Catherine Langlois who retired upon me contesting this guardianship. hmmm why wouldn't Judge langlois stick around like Wilson is???? just thought of that.

What's going on here?
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 1:34 AM No comments:

Friday, May 9, 2014
May 8th 2014
 I'm trying to sleep now so I can be up later. Less than an hour into sleep I get woken up by Christine yelling to mom to help her by which mom says for a full hour " I'll be out in a minute. " THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME that Christine yells in frustration but mom doesn't have the energy any more and no one is keeping tabs over this loose cannon who still never got up and I'm deprived of sleep. I need to take...I just took the phone off the hook so I don't get woken again when mom's sister tries to call and although it irked her I told Christine to not yell down the hall again to prevent being woken up again and I'm 1 step closer to death having to drink myself back to sleep because another drink gone is another day gone.

STRESS! With the mind of a needy child just like me but to a different degree Christine depends on her caretaker for help but doesn't connect and shouldn't have to consider her caretaker is sick from allergies and never got up to help her. Same happened when Christine came home from respite and mom came back from Ireland. With how much sleeping mom did from that trip I finally saw how much Christine doesn't understand how much mom just can't take care for her like she used to. So back to present mom is sleeping like a log while BOTH her children are suffering from her incompetence. The one who depends on her for care and the one whose sleep problems were never addressed.

There go my fucking plans to sleep til 11pm and be awake all night. Plus side is I'll be awake for the Big Bang theory. I explained to Christine again what she needs to do but she doesn't get it...had she been in appropriate brain injury help long ago maybe it would be different. This time I'm not going back to sleep until mom is up and awake so maybe I'll be leaving here with another 2 measley hours of sleep. Mom is still sleeping like a bump on a log. All mom needs to do is go to her lawyer or court and just say the unsaid that she can't do this anymore. Gee wtf is a life with normal sleep like???? *gun barrel points to the temple and is pulled*

Christine takes orders very well JUST LIKE ME. When she went to go call mom again she started to walk down the hall. I filled in the information she didn't have to BECAUSE I'm awake.

So here I am with my last Vodka ALL IN THE NAME OF SLEEP - the only thing keeping me hydrated til the end. Mom asks Chris a question but because I have volume up to hear TBBT Christine has to yell "what?" in frustration. Mom puts on a tone of voice to calm everyone. Riiiiiggghhtt. Where did she get that from? The same school where she learned how to stress everyone out???

So I'm fucking sitting here watching TBBT and mom wants to know ... emotional moment coz penny just said she'd marry leonard ... why the phone isn't working. I scream as I go hang up the phone I took off the hook so I wouldn't be woken up again. As I come back out driving home the point Christine starts screaming for me to shut up. SHE DOESN'T GET THE POINT. mom takes advantage of the situation for Christine to calm down. SLAP THIS OLD IRISH OLDIE BACK TO WHERE THEY CAME FROM. This has always been an inappropriate existance for these handicapped children. Some of us were more obvious than others.

Aunt Maureen is talking to mom about the time mom had a medical condition in which I was called about it BUT NEVER CLAIRE. WHY NOT??? I just reminded mom of how if this were a job i'd be fired for lack of performance due to lack of sleep. Get rid of this woman already. My lack of sleep hurt me in highschool due to my boyfriend at the time who couldn't let me go and threw rocks at my window. That's what I'm referring to ... I've lost all track of thought by now.

May 7th 2014
There is so much stress in this house with us being left alone with mom being left alone. One thing mom does is keep asking why even though she's been provided an answer multiple times. (Nice example I was taught how to get thru life). So yesterday she asks me what's happening with the job offer even though I already told her and explained she asks why again.

STRESS. When I return to spirit soon the same thing is going to happen and Christine is the one left with the stress. Her sister that lives here in usa badgers her sometimes to get a grip and manage things better but mom blows her off with excuse after excuse and defensiveness after defensiveness - same she does with me and same monster she created in me that Claire and Rich have found the eggs and balls to bring me to my end. Keeping comfortable and waiting for the end. It's the final countdown w/o intervention.

Christine is upset and defensive now. mom tells her... there's a small lip that if pulled back reveals an ocean of problems that can't be conveyed mobile if at all.


Drug addict 1 mom is talking to drug addict 2 Claire but drug addict 1 is not competent to comprehend what's happening with the dying child. I have to wonder if christopher sleeps down in the basement like Claire originally intended so that she didn't have to be quiet with robodick on the 3rd floors. Oopsy! Menopause set in. Mom is debating whether to go to Ireland again. And that's the way it goes that she doesn't learn from her mistakes. Why doesn't she stay in her house over there. Oh she's talking about a vacation even here. I wonder if Claire asks if i'm still alive? Have you talked to ur oldest son lately? That is sooooo far fetched from the sister and daughter life mom knows she's just putting on an act for what she's

accepted in life. So Claire's having a barbeque for mother's day. That's actually the day right around I'm supposed to be dead.
Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 12:21 AM No comments:

Saturday, May 10, 2014
Edited; Silence from Family even after this plea sent; and recent; and more family dialogue astronomically out of touch with my medical life
May 19th 2014
I woke up today from the garage door closing. I had woken up a few times prior but not sure why. Right around the time Christine gets home I hear the garage door open. I hear someone come in downstairs and then hear mom's car pull in the garage. I comment to Christine it's rare she and mom get home the same time. Christine tells me mom just drove her home. I ask why. Christine relates a problem she ran into today at shop. When mom comes in I ask her if she missed her physical therapy today (being that she had to go get Christine). She says she went to PT and then to get Christine followed by "what the hell is wrong with you?" (ROT IN HELL BITCH. I'M A STRESSED OUT DISABLED CHILD WHO THE LAST THING I NEED IS THE STRESS OUT THERE TO FOLLOW ME HOME).  I'm silently stung for a minute and say "what's wrong is what Christine just told me. You were able to fit both in?" Then I give her a rundown about everything she has wrong. Another episode like this happens as mom is struggling to prepare the dinner (going on and on and on about how difficult and impossible it is). I had one of those brain injury moments as I took over some of the responsibilities of not being able to hold back (flashes in my head of Claire and Rich's stupidity that I go on like this outside my mother's home with anyone else other than mom. FUCKING

STUPID. FUCKING SAVE THIS LIFE FROM THE DISCRIMINATION THAT HAPPENED AT MORRIS COUNTY SURROGATE'S COURT.) And I'm thinking why mom was so annoyed is that this has happened before (based on new things I've observed in this house) but mom is more than annoyed there's someone here to witness it. Christine can witness it but as far as expressing it, it doesn't happen

for a multitude of reasons that come along with developmental issues as well as a the type of injury.

Guy about my house said I'd hear back Friday so I said I'd call him Saturday if I haven't heard. Still haven't heard back but I have faith he's looking into it. Am going to try to find out again tomorrow.

May 18th 2014
I must be the only one who gets it. Claire is telling mom to make a huge salad lasting for the week for weight loss meanwhile if Claire witnessed mom's physically degenerative problems she would NOT say that. Christine is oblivious to how much mom has slowed and continues asking for things same as she did 20 years ago. I depended on mom just the same with the same oblivion thruout the years but it's being used against me and I'm discriminated against.I need to keep this in mind next time I think of bringing myself back from the dead. IT'S OVER. FACE THE FACTS. YOU WERE MOM'S THROW AWAY EXPERIMENT. THE OFFSPRING THAT BECAME THE THROWAWAY  IN AMERICA.

I'm a dog person and I trust their instincts. I'm not sure why the neighbor's dog doesn't trust me.  This is a neighbor that helped my mother out a bit during the 2 week power outage of Hurricane Sandy. Does the dog sense the angel of death around me? Do they sense the complete chaos I'm in and don't know what to make of it? I know it can't be read 100%. For instance, when a group of us were standing at Occupy many people would go by with their dogs and out of all of them one particular dog really cuddled up to me above anyone else whereas my fellow occupier was like "she REALLY likes you!"

Tonight I had food in a container in my hand though coz we were just coming back from eating out (since I wasn't driving I ordered a Shirley Temple with double the Vodka but on the first drink got totally jipped on the vodka - I just never said anything and that's the bizarre way in our household. It helped me sleep for an extra 2 hours which makes my total sleep for the day about seven hours which is good news.) so the dog took it's time in smelling the food container but that was about it. hmmm

Running out of ideas who to spread my blog to.

May 17th 2014
For the record: my vzn msgs of my house phone which only save for ten days prior to July 2013 have been lost due to Svc interruption May 10th 2014. I was holding onto those msgs as evidence something fishy is going on with the phone company after announcing my final road trip in July. I noted about this in my postings July/August 2013.

Time will tell if I brought myself back from the dead correctly. Last I checked urine seems to be returning to normal. And this is all to see if I'm going to die with atleast some equity.

I'm on a roll about this tonight for some reason

Atrocities easy to believe. I've lived in this area for a while and there is nothing surprising about these atrocities.

May 16th 2014
Today's intake: ice cream for breakfast; ice cream for lunch; flavored Lipton noodles for dinner; one on-the-vine tomato; one jolly rancher; various ice cubes to suck on at different times.

got some clarification on the house situation; things are looking up in that front.

Sleep heals headaches. Sucking on ice cubes heals dizziness. Looked into selling my house today to someone I trust but need to call coz something on text messaging didn't make sense to me. If I'm going to be able to retrieve my important stuff in time I would need to take a fair share of watermelon, kiwis, strawberries, tomatoes, nut mix, sips of water, coffee for the drive, alcohol to sleep like a normal person coz dont know how many days I'd be away. Saw Christine get off the bus today and again the lift was used. She has those needs being met thru social media while I'm waiting to die while oblivious is here incompetent to take care of medical needs. Intake later on: 1/2 a chicken cutlet cooked on stove skillet, 2 tea cups of ice water, 2 tea cups of cranberry juice, 1 red apple w/o the skin [will help me stay alive longer if I'm going to

finally take care of my house and not lose my equity - my pee is getting scarcer - always a safe remedy will be alfalfa tablets later for some stamina and minerals].

chest pains

May 15th 2014
Terry was a candidate for further treatment of getting better and was making progress. I know how that goes - same for Christine whose wishes are being ignored by all but me. If there was nothing more to help a doctor would say exactly that. Pay attention Aunt Maureen and stop fucking with a life you don't take care of.

Today's intake: nothing. I sucked on an ice cube discarding the water left behind before I went to sleep this morning. In a little while I'll be going in to buy myself 2 gallons of ice cream. That's really all I'm in the mood for. Mom is tired of supporting me financially and I don't blame her. She  could only give me a ten and I said "well that will cover ice cream but not gas." She let me know that she buys ice cream 2 for $5. As she was driving home the point about saving money I said forcefully to wake her up "I'm dehydrated! You're going to bury me in ten days." Her response was "fine!" as if she's sick of hearing this (not necessarily the boy who cried wolf syndrome) but I have to wonder if she's at peace taking on Claire's Way International mentality of that I'm responsible for my choices in life. Now if you put the following into the context of a six year old developing brain, nice going Sherlock:

3rd helping of ice cream and honey.

May 14th 2014
Early am hours: I've lost my appetite in the past few days. I guess that's one of the stages how the body takes care of itself. For the past few days I notice I'm Ok with one meal a day. Yesterday I had had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich so by the time dinner came around I ate it but not really sure why. That happened one day previous to this. Today the only thing I ate was a portion of shrimp with lobster sauce that came with dry pork fried rice. The rice is sitting in the fridge. I had some spoonfuls of honey for energy. I had had stomach rumblings of hunger but they went away with ice chips.

I have some hunger now but I guess these Jolly Ranchers are taking care of it.I just can't stand the thought of losing my house which goes into tax foreclosure in June and I don't even know what that means. I'm not in love with my house. It's my equity though. Oh and I'm going to lose yet another thing for all the negligence bestowed upon my life? nah.

twitching in my left calf.

Late PM hours: Today's intake: pieces of ice; a lightly buttered and lightly toasted roll mom got from Dunkin Donuts but it was to hard for her so gave to me and I added jelly but didn't finish the last bite; a banana; 2 kiwis; about 7 slices of a skinned green apple; honey for energy; jolly ranchers. I'm just not hungry and when I smelled the aroma of Chinese food yesterday it made me nauseous.

MORE UNDERWEAR HANGING - i have to piece all this together some other time but these are just some lovely attitudes I've had to put up with at Occupy Syracuse that are a complete disconnect. I grew up with people telling me to move on while Statutes of Limitations in handicapped children's lives flew out the window (just one example why you don't just let things slide). Cindi is especially guilty because I spent the most time with her. She consciously knew the sh*t coming out of hermouth. I have more info than the next 3 paragraphs but here's just a clue for now as I run out of laptop power:

Everything was normal:
Cindi Smith    11:21am Jul 3
fb has been acting funny ever since it went public. everyone seems to ge having trouble with it lately. here is what is

happening to me...... sometimes when i post it wont let me, or if i click on a link it wont connect or the page wont load.

or if you try to comment it doesnt show and sometimes you end up posting twice. are these the things that are happening to

you? if so i wouldnt sweat it much. i think they are charging costomers for like special treatment. i assume they are not

having this issue. i think they are screwing the rest of us so we will sign up to pay. not me. ohh also sometimes i cant

even connect..... hope that helps
Conversation History
Occupied Newbie   
Occupied Newbie    10:46am Jun 23
lol get lost!
Cindi Smith   
Cindi Smith    10:46am Jun 23
sometimes im quick like that
sometimes its a fail
Occupied Newbie   
Occupied Newbie    9:06am Jul 3
cathy i'm testing to see if this works. i see all other people posting but not me. is my page being hacked?
And then SNAP but it was the build up from a preconceived notion I was racist based on me posting "I'm tired of white people having to walk on egg shells decades after the Civil Rights Movement." - paraphrase (to be cited specifically still).

July 7 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "crackers....." this remark in response to my post was tainted by the supposed racism I suffer from.

July 7 2012 Cindi Smith also commented on her link.
Cindi wrote: "well those women put up a good fight for your right to ignorance. maybe hard for you to get, but the post was about them and what they did for us . but as usual you took it to be about you and felt the need to defend yourself. but whatever we have been down this road to many times allready. how many days are left for you here ? will you even be here in november? i dont understand your need to respond every time i post about voting. or why you would take so lightly what these women did for you." No it was called DIALOGUE sweetie.

July 7 2012 Romeo Boogieman (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Romeo wrote: "*starts clapping slowly then immediately faster and really loud*"

July 7 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "Well said cindi"

July 8 2012 Cindi Smith also commented on her link.
Cindi wrote: "i dont agree with the electorial college bullshit either. but you act like child who wanted ice cream, then stomps her feet cause there are no sprinkles on it. you want change vote for it. you spend 24/7 being an activist and then dont do what really helps change, what does that say about you? wake up Occupied Newbie and be the change you want to see. or dont thats your choice but aguing with me on my page everytime i post, isnt something you should feel obligated to do. you didnt see me commenting on your idiotic racist posts that you have made. why? cause i figure your stupidity speaks for itself. maybe you should think about my pro-voting posts in the same light? perhaps." So because I wasn't into this particular cause, I'm not for the cause of Occupy. hmmmm

July 8 2012 Cindi Smith also commented on her link.
Cindi wrote: "no how bout we just dont go back down this road of stupid again hows that" I must have been trying to explain the disabled communities' plight and how it ties in with Occupy?

July 8 2012 Cindi Smith also commented on her link.
Cindi wrote: "sorry but im really not interested in driving with you down your selfpity road today." Gosh the chance for a real cause was right there and as she stared right at it couldn't see it.

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "Well done cindi!"

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "Yes Occupied Newbie i i know you are unwavering in your "poor me" bullshit. " Nice Occupy protection for the disabled. Complete disconnect

July 8 2012 Romeo Boogieman (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Romeo wrote: ""poor me"- Everybody hates me nobody loves me..."

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "Everything is seemingly about you.....everything. I made a joke about buying something at the mall and you went on and on about how you do what you have to wah wah wah.....i didnt say what i wanted to then i will. I lived in the fucking woods with a leaking tent with 2 other people facing theft, police, fire depart. And railroad authority. And complained less then you. You talk about how much you have to budget your money, dont buy shit at the mall. My money ration was what ever i could get people to give me while i held a sign. I lived on cheap breads and cheap lunch meats and soup kitchens. I seemed to magically not have to buy anything from anywhere other than a grocery store...." very good if you don't have the history of waking up in childhood in a hospital and dealing with the load I did as well as going through life with misdiagnoses and untreated medical conditions.

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "You have so much power over you situation but you only make excuses on why you cant and solicit sympathy from others in these horrendous "i only have so long to live" tirades you go on. You compare your struggle to racism something you know nothing about from th things you say and go off on keisha every time she gets an opportunity. I think you need to get the fuck over yourself." Again exaggeration helps a person's argument every time. I just like to stick to the facts.

July 8 2012 Trista Colatruglio also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Trista wrote: "i would think what you Occupied Newbie spent at the mall you could of gotten alot more at a store.Angel braught cake to save everyone money." I did not know that. I got there before she got there. Then when I was conversational she hit the roof over her tainted view of me starting with what Dave merely questioned if I'm a racist. These 3 ladies took what Dave proposed and RAN WITH IT.

July 8 2012 Cindi Smith also commented on her link.
Cindi wrote: "all this drama on my page i guess i can turn of the housewives of new jersey now. looks like we got the housewives of occupy syraucuse. lol what the hell was bravo thinking? all the drama is right here lol"

July 8 2012 Trista Colatruglio also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Trista wrote: "If you Occupied Newbie are going to run out of money soon maybe its time to stop the take out and hit the soup kitchens.Then when you have run out you will have a stash of money for the things you need." Soup kitchens are in an environment I'm not used to navigating in which is something you don't do to a brain injured as well as too many people and too much noise as well as my physical disabilities of standing on line that long for food. I know disability abuse when I see it but also know these arses were not educated in it. The more I tried to explain it the more they said I was in a pity party. OK.

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "wtf? unless you cased a disturbance at any of the soup kitchens than there is no reason why you can't go. and still the 5-10 you spend on take out can spent on soup, and bread and cheap meat. and eat for days!"

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "no, honey you go to the store and you buy it as needed.......if i could do it with a back pack and broken leaking shoes i wpould think you can do it with a car. and since meat is off your list stick to beans and veg soups in c ans so they last"

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "this is exactly what i mean you are coming up with excuses because you dont want to help yourself. you want people to feel sorry for you. people have it worse and do much more than you, step back and stop focusing so much on your problems and realize it's not just about you. don't worry a lot of people get to the point that they feel it cant get any worse we just do something about it or shut up. and now i await your reply because i know that you also always have to have the last word."

July 8 2012 Maria Angel Bedell-Face (friends with Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears) also commented on Cindi Smith's link.
Maria Angel wrote: "i did it for 4 years it's called survival. and if shit was really as bad as you say it is than that is the mode you should be in. i had a varried diet. even in survival mode. i am sorry i am done listening to you whine about how hard your life is with a dependable roof over your head and scads of people who tried to help you. you choose this for yourself plain and simple."

Bravo! to 3 women and father of children all raising or had raised children completely abusive to the disabled.

Cindi Smith    8:58am Jul 10 2012
once again Occupied Newbie you are draging me in to all of your drama. that post was between you and me. i cant be responsible for the fact that they jumped in............ all while it was happening im thinking to my self .omg why doesnt she just stop talking??? everytime you spoke they jumped on it.... and still you kept posting???? i couldnt believe it!! as far as me keeping it public?? you put it out there knowing quite well that it was public......... seriously an apoligy......... dont hold your breath

July 10 2012 I won't be holding my breath. Welcome to my pity party (a.k.a. education of the REAL problem when it's too late to do anything): "Right lobe damage can cause persistent talking" function.php

In case you don't recognize it, subjects like this belong as part of Occupy Wall Street. We are the human subjects not paid for the research that is so valuable to those making money off of us.


Trista didn't know or chose not to know that I was not a facebook fan. The only reason I was on facebook was because Occupy Syracuse put all their event postings on there and if I didn't want to miss out I had to join. I didn't even know how to get rid of a post. The post was taken down upon my request from Melanie who is like the glue of Occupy Syracuse and looked up to by many.

Dave Kashmer commented on your status.
Dave wrote: "Good advice Michael. We all need to co-exist and be reminded of it. But you need to know some of us have lived a very hard life and for her to bringing up hurting issues is wrong. Occupied Newbie has been told about this over and over again. What are we to do?" Dave after all this time and all the info I've put together do you now see? I got in touch with Occupy Disabled distinctly because of the abuse handicapped people such as myself have had to put up with at Occupy which is like an oxymoron. Occupy is the last place people like me should be treated like this. Maybe now you have an idea of the abuses we put up with in the state so the last place we would expect abuse is Occupy.

Michael wrote: "I hope I won't regret putting my 2 cents in here, but I'm seeing a whole group of people being unkind and vindictive. Yes, I think Occupied Newbie has been bullied and ridiculed. I read the posts she's talking about about and it reminded me of the video of the bus monitor being bullied by teenagers. People don't seem to want to take into account that Occupied Newbie is an intelligent, committed woman who is also the survivor of a serious traumatic brain injury that does affect her judgment. And, Occupied Newbie, you will need to learn when to let things go and stop reopening wounds and stop counter-attacking with nasty accusations before you will find some peaceful ground for coexistence. People - please choose

your words carefully. Do these messages reflect the just and kind world we want to create?" Thank you Michael M-Y for your kindness (and I know it comes from living with someone with a TBI. I wish I had access to my own messages here but I don't. I'm not sure what nasty accusations I was supposedly counter-attacking with.
Dave wrote: "Occupied Newbie, chill before you bust a vein. You are harassing Cindi and that is no joke." REALLY. I washarassing Cindi???? hmmmmm

Trista Colatruglio commented on your status.
Trista wrote: "Wow Occupied Newbie your a joke! You posting this just shows how stupid you can really be.We at os are gald you lefted cause you were not there for the real cause you were there for the fight to get you a porta potty. You are attacking the wrong person and you are thinking your cool but you have no idea what is going to be said about you.what you wrote about cindi is nothing like what people are going to start saying about you so if you want it to end just stop and grow up!" Really now...I wasn't there for the real cause...just coz I talked and complained alot about losing the porta potty doesn't mean it was the only reason I was there. I can't tell you how difficult it is being handicapped, living in your car in Syracuse conditions, and needing a basic of a place to pee. I think I'm cool? Ok complete disconnect.

Exaggeration always helps a persons argument. I don't know what this woman is talking about that I argue on her page every time she posts. Furthermore I was giving my input and dialoging with the one person who I interacted with the most at OS but that's where I'm vulnerable in being able to read a cue of whether it's one-way or two-way. My below dialogue with Keisha answers her other disconnect.

Jul 17, 2012
I don't need a ride to spc but thank you. I don't know if I'm going to go. I've taken a break from everything after the shock and bad taste in my mouth left by certain people at Occupy Syracuse. I'm a specific tree in the forest they represent and they can't see it. Instead I was accused of an eternal pity party and being a drama queen. I understand the people I was dealing with are minimally educated but I keep an open mind to all. This time I got burned because I wound up making a complete ass out of myself based on the tree in the forest they represent (symptoms of a right frontal lobe brain injury I sustained in 1978 - and then the govt/insurance human experimental lab only for all to come to light in the 1990's after statute of limitations and other things are far gone for me to get justice, etc.) The entire exchange also puts my final job possibility on the line (working for spc in Jessica's place). I'm instead fully engulfed in taking my trip across the country  which is on my bucket list - I will not survive in NYS without a job and I have Surrogate Court corruption in

returning to NJ. Cathy blew me away by summarizing all these things I have going on as "drama." Even if it is drama in one person's mind, it's an attitude that doesn't belong in the Occupy movement because it's a tree in the Occupy forest.

Sorry if I sound like a sod. Perhaps my best way of expressing things is pathetic.

Occupied Newbie

--- On Tue, 7/17/12,

    To: "Occupied Newbie"
    Date: Tuesday, July 17, 2012

    Michael M-Y   Jul 16
    Hope you can come Tuesday. Let me know if you need a ride.

Jul 19, 2012
Hi Michael,

I just got your phone number from Ursula. I just left you a message. I have a situation that I'd like to either email you on or call you on. I don't know what your work schedule is so I hope I didn't interrupt you at work.

It's about a situation that happened back in May that I spoke to Dave about. As you can see from the conversation with Cindi and Angel, I'm not good with answering questions under tense situations and this is an insurance situation I need to answer on. I will do what Dave told me but there's more to it than that. I got a call from the insurance today and need to

call them back but would like to ask your advice beforehand.
I may try calling you again later.


Occupied Newbie

--- On Tue, 7/17/12,

    Subject: New message from Michael M-Y
To: "Occupied Newbie"
    Date: Tuesday, July 17, 2012
    Tara, I'm so sorry you were treated poorly. I...   
    Michael M-Y    Jul 17
    ON, I'm so sorry you were treated poorly. I want you to know that I have a great deal of respect and admiration for you, for your abilities, your thinking, and your determination. Some people don't understand how extraordinary it is to overcome such obstacles as you have. If I was present when you were mistreated, I would speak up and I hope, over time, to address these issues in MTA. I understand your desire for a break, but please don't put yourself down. If you want a friend to talk with about your situation, I'm here (outside of work hours, now. If you do head out on a journey, please let me see you before you go. Michael

Aug 1 2012:  Keisha there's been a major misunderstanding. I guess I'm understanding from Angel that you felt I "went off on" you. I'm so sorry. There's some misunderstanding I'm racist meanwhile I had a conversation with my Harlem, NYC friend who was doing what NYC'ers do referring to all the different ethnic groups. I told him to not go to Occupy Syracuse and say that or else they'll call him a racist. He said to me "I can say that because I'm black. You can't say that because you're white." EXACTLY MY POINT. I'm so sorry Keisha if you feel I went off on you. I remember expressing my disappointment about the type of paying job you're in that I am supposed to be making and I don't know if that is what you're referring to but I didn't mean it like that. I don't know if you know about Special Funds no-fault insurance but that's my tree in the forest represented by those that ganged up on me and turned me away from Occupy Syracuse. One of those people posted adult thing coming out of the mouth of babes and she can't see that I'm one of those babes (not with shootings) but a slew of other stuff and all I am is a Special Funds no-fault insurance write-off while I've been stripped of my life potential (it's way more involved than that). If I don't hear back from you, take care of yourself. Occupied Newbie

Keisha Marie Perdeathia Spears    3:58am Aug 6
no problem thanks
Conversation History
Occupied Newbie   
Occupied Newbie    3:30pm May 28
keisha i got some message you sent me a request in timeline but I can't access it right now. What is it?
not sure what it means
Occupied Newbie    
Keisha died in October 2013 on a rainy Syracuse night in a car with non-working wipers along with one or all of the other passengers when one accident slid the car into another lane and the fatal hit came from a car that couldn't stop in time (a few hours before a careless California driver rammed into the back of me). At least I have the peace of mind knowing I made peace with Keisha that was raw honesty. Although Trista took over part of Keisha's memorial fund responsibilities she has to live with the lie Keisha died with that was coming from her - assuming she kept up the lie. It's all good though coz when Keisha went to paradise, all this little earthly bs stuff just doesn't take prevalence anymore. Lesson learned: Don't be a lying ass in this life to innocent people by making assumptions about people.

Desperate plea to family during guardianship proceedings 5/28/08 - I may sound off the deep end in some spots but that's supposed to be OK when it comes to family "This is a desperate plea to my educated cousins. What I have to write is almost beyond words. I am drinking to subdue myself from my unfruitful rage that is a symptom of the brain injury I sustained in 1978 when Stephanie died from her injuries (and to this day I still dont have the exact cause of death). I make a plea to my educated cousins to educate my

mother (or someone in the family that can help me/her) on the importance of my injury and how it impacts my life. In 1978 I had a broken leg, broken jaw, and in a coma for a month. As an adult my jawbone is deteriorating due to the jawbone being broken (something only found out by surprise during a routine dental visit in 1992). The broken leg never healed right and so I walked around with a bent tibia in my right leg from 1978 until I finally had an osteotomy in 2004. I now have to where a brace for life on the right leg because I only have one working ligament in the leg and you can watch my tibia bone jut out from the front of my leg (a back and forth motion) because it has nothing to hold it into place. The leg got worse and worse over a 15 year period until I had the surgery because the assigned nurse to the case for the insurance (a brain injury specialist since 1982) refused to promise me proper rehab post surgery. Once he was no longer on the case I had an open door for proper rehab post-surgery and got the surgery I needed in 2004. Something that makes this even worse is that my mother is always right there to have me at her house post surgery because she doesn't realize the impact of what proper rehab means AND doesn't want to let go of the apron strings I guess. The insurance loves my mother because she saves themmoney by doing things completely "idiotic" opposed to proper medical care. I'm not calling my mother an idiot. I sum it up in one of my poems of "my life was fucked up the ass; shattered glass; stained class; child of an immigrant lass...the government had a field day with us; great timing for their experimental stuff..." Being uneducated and not knowing how to

navigate the system is one thing and I really dont know how to finish that statement because I'm overwhelmed with the recklessness that has brought me through this life. The symptoms of my right frontal lobe brain injury are deficits in perception, judgement, emotional response, prioritization, initiation, organization, executive functioning which develops in a child's brain at around 6 yrs of age (the age I was right when I was injured). These symptoms I only found out about on my own accord in 1995 and upon hearing these symptoms my entire life post-accident fell into place...all the odd behavior in me that was unobvious but something was just not quite right.  And yes the insurance nurse who was around since

1987 approximately never informed me and knew that I was leaving home to go out into the world and live what I knew to be my normal life. If you dont believe me on the brain injury (which Aunt Maureen doesn't) let me point out Christine who has an obvious brain injury. Christine talks slow because the speech part of the brain is on the side of the brain she was injured on (the left side-and this is obvious when you keep into account that she is paralyzed on her right side- the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body).  I was injured where the, by and large, unobvious things are. My family's uneducation about this is an insurance settlement dream come true. My mother doesn't believe or trust me on a lot of things I say so I make a plea to my educated cousins about this. I have not been around for years probably because of the division caused by my injuries, the lack of justice and education, etc. There's a lot of factors. But I make this plea as yet another attempt at getting justice in my life before you wind up reading about me in the papers. I know that if 
open up a murder investigation into my sister Stephanie I will find out all the things I want to know about what happened.

My mother doesn't believe me on many things yet I followed her guidance as a child to become educated (only for her years later to deny that she ever told me to go to college). It's simply a matter that she doesn't (or does she?) remember carrying out my father's guidance that we go to college."

May 12th 2014
So it's been a horrible day technology (i.e. mobile-wise) and when claire talked to mom and claire asked if mom was ok and of course mom doesn't share anything going on so she said yes other than her medical problems stating that the doctor said she's got to bring down her weight over her back problems(which is nothing new for all of us lately). So claire gets into watching what she eats and mom eventually says she's not able to do all Claire is saying, that "people have other people to help them but this is all up to me. I don't have anyone to do stuff." NEVER asks for Claire's help. I reminded her again what she needs to do but this time I added that someone in California wanted to talk to her but I explained what mom did with social security before and after I turned 18 so she really doesn't seem competent for me. She started to audibly

indicate what NERVE I have and I reminded her again walking her through all the steps of what happened. NO RESPONSE. Claire even commented about Christine's diet. If I were formally involved in Christine's care I know exactly who to speak with and what to say. Why didn't Claire make a suggestion? BECAUSE i KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT KEEP BEING IGNORED TO THE GRAVE BY ALL.

May 11th 2014
Another witness about the psychiatric lie: I haven't had any alcohol since 3 or 4 days ago cold turkey. Keeping in mind how much I was drinking before that I should be dead from a seizure like Amy Winehouse as is claimed. Riiiiiggghht. That's how I got raped by Depakote and then illegally had my mouth checked every day to make sure I swallowed it. I intuitively know dying by a seizure is not in my cards.

Airhead just got off the phone with mom. *gun barrel to temple and pull the trigger. *
just walked by the kitchen hearing mom say her usual to someone that "everyone's fine." as i lay here dying *gun barrel to temple and pull the trigger *

I burst into tears at this point: “At critical points in my life somebody showed me kindness,” - the human side of Hillary Clinton *as I feel condemnation and disconnect from Claire*:

So Christine is not able to put things into context on her own but like me follows directions very well. I just heard her walk down the hall and call mom relative to the incident that happened the other evening (as I lay awaiting death in my bed).

Christine just came down the hall a 2nd time (i love my sweet sister!) and as she walked away i let her know I'm awake and she can yell down the hall (i have no overnight plans anymore so i'm good)

Nice to see I'm not crazy. Eminem is very popular in Ireland too.


there are many different personalities among my mother's six sisters. This one has been the clown of them all making jokes above the others, a kid person that loves kids, and always stood by her belief that money and "the good life" is not necessarily the way to find happiness.  Like many in my family she was with her husband til death did them part. But this text message dialogue reveals "GET THIS AMERICAN GIRL THE HELP SHE APPROPRIATELY NEEDS IN AMERICA OTHERWISE SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN BACK TO IRELAND BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE IN CHILDHOOD." Meanwhile I intuitively know my mother at least at some point was snug in her victory of "having the last laugh;" INAPPROPRIATE CRUELTY AS AT THIS POINT I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION MOST LIKELY IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO SAVE ME...NOT PSYCHIATRIC...MEDICAL ATTENTION FOR PHYSICAL WELL BEING AND RECUPERATION.

This dialogue occurred before I high tailed it across the country for the opportunity to die at home the first time: Hi Occupied Newbie u seem to be doing  well ith the ancestors u shouls set up a bussines tracing all irish relatives 4 generations im sure u could have website for this xxxlove aunt teresa take care:*

ME: I like ur idea. Now tell mam to finally do sumthing for her other handicapped child (me) so I can work like I'm supposed to or die soon (no joke).

No joke  u should start that web site  im sure u could surprise us all xxx:o teresa

ME: As should be obvious by now I cant do that all by myself and brain injuru research will verify isolation. Part of the problem is NYS. The first part is mam never reaching out for help w me. This trip is my last go around. Kisses back but still no joke.

Hi Occupied Newbie howr u gettin on where are u now mam enjoyed the trip to killarney if u come next yr bring chris an mam and stay here with me we go to moyvane co kerry to meet your ancestor fsamily xxx aunt teresa

ME: This proves as a child I was failed by many. Yet again I run out of resources to keep me alive past the next couple months. 1 of 2 things need to happen. Corruption at the surrogates court needs to b overturned or I need to b hired at $20/hr to pay my $70,000 student loan debt - a direction in life mam gave me not knowimg enough bout the American system and unable to care for my well being. I expect to see u in the spirit world. Not this life. I cant put imto words the stupid neglect that raised me after our accident. No joke.

Hi Occupied Newbie u doing very well now tracing relatives etc u could be very valuable lady to some person or company go to the bank explain ur position try pay them small amount each month maybe u can get job in place where they hire people with wslking problem good luvck love atn teresa xx
Occupied Newbie how are u are u back home the weather here is wet and cold  michael gone to work i miss him round the house

take car .ove aunt teresa: ? xx

Hi Occupied Newbie how are u we all ok tg nearly xmas michael says hi his son is 17 years old now are u back home or still travelling take care an have a lovely xmas love aunt teresa xx

ME: Ur sister is incoherent and incapable in many ways. I can only return to the east coast under a situation I can survive under and that's only going to happen at the Surrogate's court. Dont be as incoherent as she is.

ME: Also my mother is acting indifferent that I will die within nine months when my money for survival runs out. It really has been a game of Russian roulette. She wasnt fit for me and Christine after accident. Sorry I woke you but I cant afford to be polite anymore. 

Posted by Occupied Newbie - TERMINAL SITUATION at 11:58 PM No comments: Links to this post
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

sitting here in the wet weather again in my car. Something is not working up to par. Not sure if it's my bladder or my kidneys but I told mom she doesn't have a lot of time. To go do something. This is it. I might want to try to hold onto life now but as one becomes delirious it wont matter. I already posted about mom's interactions to doing something. I really don't know what the problem is. I'm so tired. It's past 5 in the morning and I've been up all night. Yesterday

morning got home 5am and slept til 9:30. then again for about 20 minutes around 1 and then another half hour at 2. Had my last drink of Vodka for more sleep while I watched Ellen at 4 but woke up around 6:30 so that was only 1.5 hrs. Used wifi for 2 hours 3 times this past evening so they turn into 10 hour activities between using and recharging.

Had a flash back suddenly of that CAP meeting with Kate Falcon that she recorded when (Nancy?) Davis said "she's very good on the computer." SLAP! I was trained along with the best you whore. What a bird brain. Oh I'm sure she's still collecting her weekly check  saying what ever sounds good and ruining people's lives in the process.

I'm so tired but trying to make the best of ... not sure when or if I'll be able to use the laptop again which is so much easier.

I completely wasn't meant to live like this. Oh I know what I can do. Hunt down more places on facebook to direct my blog to.

May 12th 2014
So it's been a horrible day technology (i.e. mobile-wise) and when claire talked to mom and claire asked if mom was ok and of course mom doesn't share anything going on so she said yes other than her medical problems stating that the doctor said she's got to bring down her weight over her back problems(which is nothing new for all of us lately). So claire gets into watching what she eats and mom eventually says she's not able to do all Claire is saying, that "people have other people to help them but this is all up to me. I don't have anyone to do stuff." NEVER asks for Claire's help. I reminded her again what she needs to do but this time I added that someone in California wanted to talk to her but I explained what mom did with social security before and after I turned 18 so she really doesn't seem competent for me. She started to audibly indicate what NERVE I have and I reminded her again walking her through all the steps of what happened. NO RESPONSE. Claire even commented about Christine's diet. If I were formally involved in Christine's care I know exactly who to speak with and what to say. Why didn't Claire make a suggestion? BECAUSE i KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT KEEP BEING IGNORED TO THE GRAVE BY ALL.
May 15th 2014 

Today's intake: nothing. I sucked on an ice cube discarding the water left behind before I went to sleep this morning. In a little while I'll be going in to buy myself 2 gallons of ice cream. That's really all I'm in the mood for. Mom is tired of supporting me financially and I don't blame her. She could only give me a ten and I said "well that will cover ice cream but not gas." She let me know that she buys ice cream 2 for $5. As she was driving home the point about saving money I said forcefully to wake her up "I'm dehydrated! You're going to bury me in ten days." Her response was "fine!" as if she's sick of hearing this (not necessarily the boy who cried wolf syndrome) but I have to wonder if she's at peace taking on Claire's Way International mentality of that I'm responsible for my choices in life. Now if you put the following into the context of a six year old developing brain, nice going Sherlock:
May 16th 2014
 Sleep heals headaches. Sucking on ice cubes heals dizziness. Looked into selling my house today to someone I trust but need to call coz something on text messaging didn't make sense to me. If I'm going to be able to retrieve my important stuff in time I would need to take a fair share of watermelon, kiwis, strawberries, tomatoes, nut mix, sips of water, coffee for the drive, alcohol to sleep like a normal person coz dont know how many days I'd be away. Saw Christine get off the bus today and again the lift was used. She has those needs being met thru social media while I'm waiting to die while oblivious is here incompetent to take care of medical needs.
"Can I help?" 
 just your support. Not sure what else you can do from 3000 miles away from the situation 

I want to suggest something try to do..with much success...if I am able...nothing works all the time.

dont think so but thanks. After my career didn't take off I did ALL kinds of volunteering like people told me to ... and it was all for naught.

  • and please know in light of the recent bullying underwear I hung out saying I wont do anything, I'm physically lacking in energy to do all of that! It's the end. But like I said, if the house situation happens I'll have to give my self temporary rehabilitation from how I'm feeling just to have the energy to do that!
    That gives me the opportunity to comment on when my mother would say that anything she would suggest I wouldn't do...well maybe that reveals there's a far greater brain injury that what is known. I'd need a PET scan to show what parts of the brain are working and what parts are not.

That gives me the opportunity to comment on when my mother would say that anything she would suggest I wouldn't do...well maybe that reveals there's a far greater brain injury that what is known. I'd need a PET scan to show what parts of the brain are working and what parts are not.

May 19th 2014
"4am is rough hour for support. u ok dear?"
oh just throwing out to any w power to save me at any time. wasn't just looking for support at that time. I need intervention.
I just blew up in this incompetent moron's face. Yesterday she did the usual to her oldest grandson telling him everything's fine when he asked how things are here.

May 20th 2014
Mom just doesn't connect the dots. The food I had to buy to keep myself comfortable while I lost my appetite while I lay dieing, she took a sale paper wkth her to get more!
"i too find it odd when people bring unhealthy food to a sick person.. for more than appitite stimuli.. i understand that."
"but also bring the main good food once the appitite is awakened.
start making orders of what you'll need. start small
training for idiots must be kind clear and in writing if necessary"
"no offense mom.. i mean my personal family of care takers that i've trained how to care for someone.. myself. "
"they are trying to do what is easiest and not what best for me.. or themselves. i'm the mom in my family.. ur sitch is different. sis and daughter. i have to play my mom card too often. i can play it from here toward your's. hey u mom.. get T some fresh chicken veggy soup!" 
Just had dream my father was alive again and he helped me hook up the govt box to an old rabbit ear color TV and I fixed the rabbit ears for a clear picture and turned on the video games which were now clear and with a big relief and w/o hesitation said "thanks dad!" As I started to cry putting my head down on his lap from a kneeling position he said "did you miss me?" and I woke up. This happened in and around college campus activity.

May 22nd 2014
truth told to court 5 years ago: Christine has had a specially made knife since the early 80's to cut her food and she never uses it.
Lie told in response: Yes she does.
Act put on by mom and dutifully followed by Christine at that time: Christine has her special knife out and ready to use.
Truth: I've been here since August 2013 and mom cuts Christine's food every night. Tonight mom had to go in the other room to watch tv with dinner so when I gave Christine her second helping of chicken cutlet I gave her her knife to use and made sure she could successfully use it. She was happy to show me she could accomplish this task. Mom had cut her first helping.
"aw... i wish i has a sister."
you don't know the blood curdling in me over these lies.

May 23rd 2014
Christine just fell again and mom slept thru it and had no fucking idea it happened.

May 25th 2014
As I get more cozy with my four loko I remember back to a phrase (and reality) that a Calif friend said of the man "sleeping on the couch." That's the exact phrase and reality of my ex whose father is from Calif. it looks like from the Fresno area.

May 26th 2014
So sick of this refusal to take care of a simple need of a hearing aid. mom's washer must be on it's way out with the LOUD noise it made going into the spin cycle. She wasn't too alarmed as I told her to come listen to it. She's not alarmed saying she heard it. She's not HEARING how bad it is because she's not hearing things like she used to. Oh so when the washing machine finally goes who's always here to have to put up with the stress about to follow? Christine. SLAP! Give up the children you cant provide a peaceful life for!
I was just offered to become roommates w/ one of my friends. this time I told mom she better make up her mind whether she wants help around here instead. Her response was they'll get along fine. SHE IS NOT FINE AND CHRISTINE WILL NOT BE FINE. I TOLD CHRISTINE AGAIN SHE NEEDS TO SPEAK UP. SHE ALREADY TOLD THE MEDIATOR, AUNT MAUREEN AND RAY SHE WANTS TO GET BETTER AS WELL AS COUNTLESS OTHERS. NO ONE IS KEEPING TABS OVER THIS LOOSE CANNON.
"Awesome inviation! Can you try it on a trial basis and go back to your current location, if it doesn't work out? ... don't be hasty.. but at the same time.

YES! that's great news i think. you need some independance. A better sister you'll likely be.. i'm guessing? i'm an only child but a happier sister you shall be.
He lives not far from here so if things dont work I can always come back here. I will be away from all this stress but because I am so familiar with what happens of life in this house I'm not comfortable with the care Christine will be under. Instead of admitting she just can't do many things anymore she's going to trudge through it any way she can going on and on and on stressing Christine out. If ONLY stress were seen as a criminal act of inhibiting and putting a medical child in danger I'd have a leg to stand on. And about my friend being a he, no worries...he's gay. I'D LOVE FOR HIM TO NOT BE! but se la vi! This is a guy I've known since the early part of high school and he's all love - to the point where he's an ordained minister(?) inside a new age church.
Christine needs me or someone else around to make up for all the stress like when she needs things and mom just wants to go on about how much of a problem it is, I'm here to do some things for her...not for long...this loose cannon isn't going to shit on me by going into a court and lie just to cover up her own serious problems.

"Some distance sounds ideal. C may take more of a stand herself I you were not so much. Slow changes best ..I guess. The gay friend sounds ideal too....some entertaining times a head for nice. Take care of yourself for matter alone. You would nvr let sister down."

yeah with me gone she may realize she wants me back. She either doesn't realize or can't express some of that higher level thinking that only when I came around did I introduce her to a tv show that her and I used to watch with our father (turns out it's still on tv today).
oops pressed enter... anyway mom doesn't remember that or she probably didn't know coz she'd be upstairs doing stuff while the 3 of us watched tv. Then there's the popcorn popper that we had since the 1960s or 70s that mom has completely forgot but me and Christine remember it. Then I ensured Christine had something available to her for a past time that mom didn't know about but I knew how to investigate and find out about...Christine interacts with me different from how she does with both mom and Claire. Something she would share with me she doesn't necessarily share with mom. She only has a very POLITE relationship with Claire who lacks the depth of understanding of the rehabilitative lives me and Christine both live. There's one catch about that higher level thinking though. When Christine came home from the nursing home and was bored by the old usual routine, she threw a temper tantrum but like a child who doesn't know better accepted it and never initiated asking to anyone to go back there so I'm really not counting on that higher level thinking of taking a stand but who knows. Me and the friend are talking about it more indepth today but I told him I don't have a may not work out. We have to discuss the details.

May 27th 2014
last night me and my mother got on the native american topic talking about casinos. as usual she was trying to be right about her point and when I started talking about different aspects of what we did to the native americans she started with her eye rolls. As soon as I said it's just like when Ireland was first invaded there was a brutal battle that the invaders retreated and left the Irish alone (initially - the English?). I think we finally understood eye to eye but I never got to drive home the point that when the English got here they weren't greeted by a brutal battle to get the invaders out. The English and Colonialism are the shameful ones.

I was telling her about how there are no native reservations in NJ or PA and she started to doubt me. I reminded her I researched alot before I drove across the country. I know these things. With a bit of a laugh she asked if I planned on staying on reservations - if that's why I researched it. I thought about it. So in this argumentative fashion I simply whipped out my smartphone to prove to her about most casinos being a native american reservation thing. That the casino she was talking about in PA is in fact partnershipped with a reservation in CT. That I could find only 3 casinos that are NOT reservation related.

Under all circumstances always try to educate what may not be known. It can make a difference.

May 28th 2014
Just got in and mom said she never heard the garage door open. Nice safety! (later on in day, same thing happened when Christine got home).

Stress that had no business providing a life for 2 traumatized children let go from a hospital: I'm trying to watch something on tv and I can hear a disorganized chaos going on about the phone bill. Loose cannon going on about the frustration trying to get thru to a rep. Since i'm very familiar I call. The longer it goes on mom continues to make the same noise that was the decision in Claire NOT taking care of Christine because it drove her kids crazy. As a matter of fact airhead calls immediately after I took care of this problem and mom disregards the chaos she just caused saying I went to go answer the door of the work men that are now leaving. THAT IS NOTHING NEW FOR THIS COOL CALM AND COLLECT ASSHOLE TO DROP HER SHIT TO BE CLEANED UP BY THE ONES SHE SHITS ON. of course Christine is nice and friendly as she's been dutifully taught to be and no one suspects what goes on in this house.

 May 30th 2014
LOSING ONE'S SENSE OF TASTE DUE TO BRAIN INJURY: I just secured myself alcohol for the next 2-5 days. Reason 1 is I'd like to hang out with my friend tomorrow at normal hours which means I need to get normal sleep tonight instead of be up all night and wake up around 1pm. Reason 2 is to take the place of a sedative like Lorazepam (which I used to be on) due to the following dialogue: A BRAIN INJURY SURVIVOR: "Has been thinking about acupuncture... My taste buds are non existent (I've made my parents sick with maranades and seasoning) everything has no flavor to me. I am more allergic to citric acid now have to be careful what I eat and drink..." MY RESPONSE: "i had to grow up with my sister like this who couldn't express it like you can. ty for this perspective. i used to fight with my half-baked shell mother that she has no taste buds after her serious brain injury *as the perfect storm of how we were failed as children brews* AND I JUST READ ALOUD UR EXPERIENCE TO MY MOTHER WHO RESPONDED WITH SILENCE FOLLOWED BY "I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT." caps for emphasis of how we're being medically ignored."

among the many thins that used to happen is that we would come back from my mother driving me around with my paper route and there would be finger marks in the greasy pan left on the stove. That was Christine who has had her food chosen for her all these years but mom TAUGHT her how to say what she wants (some times). Case in point that happened when we were at the Chinese food bufffet: Mom asks how the food is and Christine says "fine." There's way more to this story. 

June 1st 2014
Latest email sent to the court - appointed attorney


My mother lied and misled all of you. You should feel a moral legal obligation to do this right.

The below is the latest email sent to the morris county deputy surrogate who hasn't answered his phone since I spoke to him in August. You can read all the emails I've sent to him since july or August 2013 in my blog

I have lived here with Christine since I got back here in August 2013. I left phone messages with christopher luongo from this house and nothing is being done. There are several witnesses to Christine wanting to go to the get better Program.

I know my sister. You did an injustice to her and you need to reopen this case having full knowledge Judge Deanne Wilson asked my mother about the history of medical care for Christine, witnessed my mother's lack of consistent care and then just let it slide. Read ALL

reposting: I read something once that untreated seizures from a brain injury can worsen the brain damage. Does anyone have any knowledge or insight on this (untreated seizures stemming from brain injury)?

"Any and all types of seizure activity does cause varying amounts of brain damage. Any seizure disorder should be treated and all attempts should be made to get them as under control as possible. No matter if you were born with them or acquired them, there is no difference."..."Yes, I am a Registered Nurse, have a brain injury and have a seizure disorder."..."From the Merck Manuel for Medical Professionals: Seizures: Seizures can worsen brain damage and increase ICP and therefore should be treated promptly. In patients with significant structural injury (eg, larger contusions or hematomas, brain laceration, depressed skull fracture) or a GCS score < 10, a prophylactic anticonvulsant should be considered. If phenytoin is used, a loading dose of 20 mg/kg IV is given (at a maximum rate of 50 mg/min to prevent cardiovascular adverse effects such as hypotension and bradycardia). The starting maintenance IV dose for adults is 2 to 2.7 mg/kg tid; children require higher doses (up to 5 mg/kg bid for children < 4 yr). Serum levels should be measured to adjust the dose. Duration of treatment depends on the type of injury and EEG results. If no seizures develop within 1 wk, anticonvulsants should be stopped because their value in preventing future seizures is not established. Newer anticonvulsants are under study. Fosphenytoin, a form of phenytoin that has better water solubility, is being used in some patients without central venous access because it decreases the risk of thrombophlebitis when given through a peripheral IV. Dosing is the same as for phenytoin. Levetiracetam is used increasingly, particularly in patients with liver disorders."
Thankyou! i got limited info from brainline and no info from webmd. my sister was 7 or 8 when in coma and the seizures started around age 12 once a month near the time of her period (not to make any guys here uncomfortable). Christine would be seen at the time by a doctor 30 miles away who never saw a seizure happen in the office and never kept Christine admitted to capture seeing one. ten years went by with her having these seizures every month and i finally said i'm taking her to get to the bottom of this. my mother threw a power trip that i would be kidnapping Christine. one night 7 years later after mom's ways pushed everybody away and mom was left all alone with Christine, christine fainted when she fell backwards. mom had no choice but to call 911. finally Christine was put on seizure meds after being sent home with the machine that monitors brain activity. 30 years post accident when this incompetent loose cannon had a guardianship set up for Christine the Morris County Surrogate's Court witnessed and then disregarded the lack of care Christine had to go thru while handing over sole guardianship to the loose cannon called my mother and my oldest sister who is not only a barrier to proper care because of religious belief but is not medically aware. if i dont hear back from you i hope you don't mind me posting ur validation info about untreated seizures to my blog
i read both your response and my reply aloud to the two people sitting here (mom and Christine) and at certain times mom made her usual defensive dismissal noise while Christine has no clue what this all means. i again told Christine she needs to speak up because this is her life but she only responds with annoyed frustration. she can't piece together her well-being is the price paid.
"I am sorry. That is such a shame. There is not as much stigma attached to epilepsy as there once was. She REALLY needs to have her seizures as controlled as possible. I take Keppra for mine. Works well for me but the doctor may have to try her on different ones to find the right one, or combination, for her. Your sister is probably VERY frustrated with feeling like she is in the middle of this family conflict and having little control of her own life. Do they really want her to continue to fall and hit her head causing more injury to the brain that way? Regardless, seizures do cause some level of brain damage every time you have one."
ME:  it was approximately 17 years after the seizures started that she was finally put on Carbatrol. In my research Carbotrol has been around since the 1950s so the only way I can think she went without was my mother out of guilt and uneducation never had Christine admitted to the hospital to catch the seizures happening (that time period was early 1980s). My father was alive until 1984. After that it all fell on mom. This was good timing. I'm just about to update my blog. Is Carbotrol a seizure med for children? That would explain the brain damage obtained in 1978 and Christine being treated for the rest of her life as a child.

"It can be used for pediatric and adult patients. The dosages would, of course, be different."
  "What type of seizures does she have?"

ME: I think they called it Grand Mal which makes no sense at all. She'd be sitting in a chair and (trying to describe) become incoherent just making noise with her mouth like as if she were unable to speak. Back years ago my mother used to freak out during these episodes asking if she was ok so Christine got in the habit during these incoherent spells to blurt out the words "I'm okay. I'm okay." in my research a grand mal is falling on the floor unable to speak at all?...I have a hard time describing the whole episode without audibly re-enacting it.
 " She sounds like she is have some sort of absence or simple partial seizures. Yes, a grand mal seizure causes unconsciousness and no response. I had one in 2012. I was out for 10-15 min. Otherwise, my usual seizures if not controlled are absence seizures. I seem awake and follow commands, unknown to myself as I have no recollection of the time period I have them, and make nonsense sounds like grunting and also making repetitive movements."
ME: i am so grateful for your insight and completely enraged at the corrupt injustice at the morris County Surrogate's Court while this loose cannon has no oversight by a social worker, etc. Christine was recently put on Medicaid and has a social worker through there but since I'm not a legal guardian not sure if I can even discuss this welfare with him. or maybe there's someone better for me to go to? I have no idea.
... ... ... ...
"Without going through the legal system it may be impossible for them to speak with you. What a tragic situation. Intentional non-treatment of seizures is a form of negligence."
ME: EXACTLY. EXACTLY. Thank you for that. Her brain damage made her blind in one eye and paralyzed on her right side. I have a hard time containing my rage right now at the Surrogate's court.
"I pray that somehow, some way your sister gets the help she really needs. I am so sorry, again, for your situation. I can't wrap my head around some people"

 ME: to another survivor that chimed in:
tell me about it Tim. I think the biggest tragedy is the inadequate guardian we were left with which is in the past. So now the answwer is to get me on board to make things right so this loose cannon doesn't die living in her lie. ... ty. You've been a tremendous help...I spoke to a mediator who told me what to do but I didn't have any money to pay. So I went to the surr court to do what he told me and I got the run around. I can't do this pro se. So now the whole world can crush the MCSC. That's all I can do with no money. I thionk I looked into pro bono before but there's no demand in a guardianship for pro bono.

June 2nd 2014

June 3rd 2014

Mom just freaked out over the fork dropping to the floor as she handed Christine her dinner followed by a flurry of negative comments that just really brings down morale followed by mom going on about how much she can't do any more. Instead of strategizing on how to better the situation mom is going to simply keep up this miserableness. It's tradition around here. Getting numb soon. Only got 3 hrs sleep this morning.
so this moron gets on the phone as she does daily to talk to her immigrant SISTER. someone kill this fucking whore.
now mom's talking about someone's crazy making up stories hiding all the life or death stories she does on an as needed basis
"Sounds like everyone in your house needs a hug"
thanks Patty. we need intervention if you read my post/blog about how it's confirmed Christine's brain damage was only compounded by being left in my mother's care (not mentioning my drive into a wall). you were protected by your father moving on and remarrying or atleast dating again so that someone else's perspective was there to keep you from living a lie whereas my mother kept herself isolated and her resulting loose-cannon ways ruined our lives. you are very significant with that point.

June 4th 2014   
Claire just tried to convinced mom to get the elevator in our house fixed instead of repeating what she's been saying for the past 40 years of moving out of this house and mom came back with every excuse in the world not to. I'm not sure where Claire's disconnect is ... oh wait I know. Claire is not around here enough to know Claire is wasting her time. So after she was off the phone she started to hear about it from me. I'm sure she was peaved by being eavesdropped on but the loose cannon needs oversight. Mom would rather avoid her elevator fear and get rid of the house than take on the strategy of her her fears by keeping her cell phone on her at all times when using the elevator. Then mom gets on the phone to find out about her health and wound up being referred to another doctor. What good is that going to do? Mom's eyesight is worse because she refused to take her cholesterol lowering medication AND did not use olive oil enough to naturally lower cholesterol. She had the past Ten or more years to use the olive oil because it was me and Claire who recommended it so we know. Christine's transportation depends on mom whose eyesight is making her drive slower and slower. When mom denied christine's brain damage is worse because of untreated seizures I pointed out to her Christine should not be child-like. That there is her evidence. Instead of looking into fixing this situation she starts in with everything from saying I can't get a job to me to leave followed by her empty threat she'll call the cops to get me out. As I sit here with another wasted day of no one taking care of this.
So Claire remember going to her concert before she came out of the closet? Gee I guess what you don't know didn't hurt you. That must mean something is not completely right about The Way International.
Melissa Etheridge has tied the knot! Congratulations to the happy couple. Here's a lovely pic from their wedding
And all I can think about is repeatedly hearing Claire declare the indians were conquered because they didn't believe in the one true god. How bout the alternative view that her own people were the corrupt users and abusers even to the point of corrupting what "original scripture" says.
The last of the 29 Navajos who developed an unbreakable code that helped win World War II has died.
Tonight Christine asked me to get her a fork and napkin (to avoid another episode) while mom is cooking dinner. That is just another example that Christine needs someone here to take away from the problems in this house. Oh but because Christine doesn't verbalize a problem and no one else is then the surrogate's court is fine with what is on the surface. Riiiiiggghhtt.
mom shouldn't even be cooking dinner. she has too many physical problems. most nights anymore she doesn't cook.
"Can we help her? No ihss like program or youth group volunteers. ..she sounds like she needs support ....does she not accept help well?"
true she doesn't ask or seek help or obviously Christine wouldn't have gone 17 years w untreated seizures and my life wouldn't have crashed. the surrogate's court (and even the mediator) don't see this as a problem. YUP.
what's happening is that no one is paying attention long enough to observe beneath the surface

June 5th 2014       

Even all these yrs later mom can't accept this reality that happened to her: " When oxygen to the eye is reduced, people describe the visual effect as a shade being pulled down. People may develop poor night vision. About 35% of TIAs are associated with temporary lost vision in one eye." WHY AM I FREAKING OUT? BECAUSE IF THAT'S THE CASE SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN IN CHARGE OF 2 MEDICALLY NEEDY CHILDREN. the 3rd one brainwashed into the Illuminati laced Princeton graduate Way International.

"Good point"

the eye doctor specifically answered my question :"what's an embolism?" "a blod clot / a stroke that goes to the eye instead of the brain." she asked her regular doctor what causes it and the doctor said she HAS TO take her cholesterol lowering medication. she recommended more vegetables. out of this entire statement...I'm getting knowing the incompetence isn't going to do a damn thing without a lawyer. oh but my daily dose of psychotherapy Alanis Morissette is holding a concert less than a mile from the surrogate's court in morristown July 25, 2014. ... should i say ironic or wishful thinking? i'm just going off the deep end at this point. numb early just coz i have it in my posession and trying to get on a normal sleep schedule.
ok so now that I've had a drunken nap after TBBT the worst part in all of this is her denying what the doctors said (especially since it came from me). so i read to her some pertinant parts of the NYTs article and she says nothing. now she struggles down the stairs backwards one step at a time dragging the garbage with her because tomorrow is garbage day. and none of this is doing me jack shit without a lawyer. what was the point in her getting a 2nd knee replacement if she still has to go down the steps backwards? i'm guessing it's her lacksidasical medical way of not keeping her quads strengthened. i should know about that!
and there goes that idea as i was woken up 3 hrs later by Christine constantly calling mom to get up. I'm up to be around the stress of mom struggling with the stairs and the laundry and the garbage. all the stress i stayed away from for so long and then had it used against me and twisted around to make it look like i'm the one causing the stress. Christine's welfare was put in the hands of a court-appointed attorney who doesn't know Christine from Adamant nor could she give a shit over the genuine interests.
mom has so many problems with her hands she struggles with separating 2 frozen waffles. when she finally gets them apart Christine chimes in enthusiasm over the accomplishment. then mom laments over having to get out the butter but to try to shut mom up Christine says she'll get it out...a day in the life.
June 6th 2014

Comfortably numb. Time for a snack and more sleep.
Drank away my boredom after I woke up. It's actually more constructive and cheaper for me to be up overnight bcoz I'm not drinking. I'm trying to be awake in day for planned trip w friend about my equity and helping that friend resuscitate his business. The alternative is waiting to die.
Never fails whenever I go to eat with a senior I get handed the bill. Of course I look like I work! Such an unobvious failed life  
"Stop that....people are dumb."
it happened like that even in california. of course it would seem a working person would treat a retired senior to a meal. in california i'm guessing the majority of places didn't know we were both living in our cars.
it's embarrassing either way  
that woman was off her rocker turns out. the first lie was that she woke up one morning and her husband was dead in bed next to her five years before. turns out her ex husband is alive and well in the same town we were in and divorced her because of her lies for starters. i just chuckled to myself about it. she's the Italian mama i refer to as Judge Etna Judy.
Hubby and I got into an argument last night. I still haven't forgiven him because of something he said.
He turned around and said "And don't blame it on your brain injury. I'm sick of you using that as an excuse".
Am I wrong for still being mad at him for that comment? I know normals don't get it, but for my HUSBAND out of all people to turn around and say that, to me was like a dagger to my heart!"
it could go the other way like my ten-year ex who instead of thinking i was using anything as an excuse just blew me off as a girl with no life he could provide a life for (wrong answer!). the only time something hurtful like that happened is when i was a candidate for knee surgery (related to when i received my TBI 14 years earlier) and i pulled into a handicapped spot with my handicapped placard and he told me i should leave those spots open for those who need it.

June 7th 2014
Got woken up by mom's flurry of frustration over not being able to find something (if only the breadth and depth of living in that stress came thru). Got out of bed to see if the tv news had any further info on Tracy Morgan who crashed in the same town where one of my cousins lives (my bad - sounds the same). I guess it's out of restlessness that I'm drinking myself back to sleep.

Justice will be had here. Trust me. Justice happens for most except the children of an uneducated loose cannon in America at the mercy of a corrupt county court.

Man today in particularly I keep having flashbacks of the wasted time we spent with that mediator this year who couldn't just come out and say that our situation is above her because she's not familiar with brain injury. She has experience with parents in the past harboring secrets but it's not good enough for my mother??? Christ almighty ... I just don't get it how we just keep falling through the fucking cracks.

June 8th 2014
The aftercare is more tragic than the injury itself. I'm at one few and far btwn events of christine's handicapped groups and someone with down syndrome seems higher functioning than Christine because they've been taught how to use technology. Atleast they have beer here and mom is driving so I can be numb from this family-caused heartache. She could be so much higher functioning had the morris county surrogate court picked up on the power freak running our lives who probably suffers from depression. (JUDGE DEANNE WILSON DID PICK UP ON IT AND THEN LET IT FUCKING SLIDE). Then I asked about this at the moment stating computer use example and mom said "Well Christine said she's not interested in using the computer right Chris?" Christine said yes but I pointed out that's going off the example of years ago having games for her on the computer DAH! She doesn't know what's available NOW compared to then. (Just like she supposedly is not interested in dancing but that's a crock. She's in too much knee pain to do dancing plus having to not deal with mom's stress if she falls dancing which at this stage is due to her weight, pain, and probably the seizure meds making her a bit loopy. Just like the TV show I know she enjoys that she didn't know was still on the air until I was here. Just like the TV channel she didn't know about until I was here. Where the fuck is Claire? DAH!) Why dont they just leave her to fucking rot and not do anything pertinent to her and her brain injury? Oh shit on me by going into a surrogate's court and fucking lie? which led everyone else to shit on my life.  

June 9th 2014

Mom is watching diane Sawyer with Hilary Clinton. Not the side of mom Claire knows about. The side Claire knows is that mom's a republican. Hahahahaha. Funny if it didn't spill over into life and death issues. She only knows the lying side
June 10th 2014
Had dream I was hanging out on a california roadside looking thru some boxes of green food similar to boxes of free books at the library. Passed up the box of almost empty peas and started chomping on a a green veg that was sticky on the outside. Police officer along with owner of the boxes came up with a hippy guy and started harassing me. I defended myself making similarities to the library. Cop said passerby made complaint but in the end cop left me alone while woman glared at me as she set up her lounge chair on this grassy roadside. To defend myself I had to take the green veg out of my mouth and instead of going back to eating it I just held it in my hand. I ignored the woman giving me an attitude and conversed w the hippy guy. I said to the guy something about I can't stay cool calm and collect when it comes to police but I know there's a way. " I've seen it." Woke up and it was around 1:55am and birds are still chirping at 2:20 am. Maybe that has to do with the warm weather coz they don't usually start to chirp until 3 or3:30 am. My dreams are rather mundane and boring compared to my FB friend Rain Chippewa whose dreams are rather extravagant(?).
Drinking myself back to sleep. Christine needed me awake coz mom set the time on the alarm clock to an hour later than it actually is. The result would have been stress and chaos.
Happy to see the REAL old Ireland stuff emerge. Haven't gotten out of bed today. No reason to get up. Flasbacks of all I told mom to do for us and received no response and nothing done. No protection.
so tired of all the teeth pulling of this woman. asked what the doctor said today about her back and her spinal stenosis is not that bad - that he's seen much worse cases. i asked if she's now going to try the accupuncture since i'm the one who called and shejust talked about it. her response was a 3 steps back about how she's not good with this stuff. i reminded her how lucky she is that she has better bone density than her own doctor. stop her shit when the situation is one of ADVANTAGE. the fruits of her not following our directions on Olive Oil came to pass but she self-comforted herself on that by denying it. she short-changed Christine's life but lives in her self comfort over that. ruined my life and not only does Claire revel in the same denial due to her Illuminati-laced belief system The Way International but is not being held accountable. How in god's name is this bag of wind getting away with this in being in charge of medical lives after being presented the evidence of worsening brain damage comes out denying that was done to Christine?

The old lack-of-accountability attitude that it is a spiritual reason "a demon." Did the grandson have a brain injury?

Safety advocate says no amount of netting will stop suicide which “is an epidemic” in the USA.

June 11th 2014
Found some hope in getting out of bed today. Some social networking going on. other than that I really hope to hear back from someone I used to work for. Not necessarily to know if there's work. This is someone who insisted I not be ignored employment-wise and suceeded. When someone does something like that for you they're forever in your well-wishes. This person always blind-sided me with a joke and cracked me up. lol
"If people knew how much a little support........"
as far as the social networking see my post on I'm pretty sure the messages are visible to all. as far as the old employer it's where i allude to the call i got as i rolled into california nearing "bucket list complete." the employment agency had me go on about 4 different assignments (all completed to the end with perfect attendance - the one job though i was on the slower end of the computer project due to the social demand atmosphere which i found a distraction). but for this particular job i was one of the original group of "telemarketers" at this seasonal job. when the second season came and i wasn't there he wanted to know where i was. i have no idea how foolish the employment agency sounded; i just know i was put on a list to always be called back for that job. well rolling into california 3000 miles away i had to say i was unavailable. the agency never called me again after that. they have a branch in California i applied to and never heard back. i contacted him directly thru facebook in Dec 2012 which he never got coz some people have it set up for unknowns to go in "other folder." i just discovered his email last night. i'm not alone in that job-ruin of life. in my blog i talk of someone who's originally from Palo Alto, CA and took advantage of the top engineering schools in NY. well on his job in NY he got sick of having to listen to Jewish slurs, finally spoke up, was permenantly out of a job. no one would hire him. the majority of people don't know about the connections and political (?) switchboard called Potsdam NY. so yeah a little support for a little job i was WAY overqualified for really can make a big difference.
June 12th 2014
For real! There are MANY out there in one sentence complaining a women is going to keep having babies getting bigger welfare payments and then turn around and advocate for this in the next sentence. FOR REAL! Oh pardon me. Overcrowding in America is never a problem to provide for all here Riiiiiggghhtt. 
Two days after Tracy Morgan crash, rig driver fails to stop in time,...
Tractor-trailer driver failed to stop in time for line of slowing cars in the left lane, state police investigators say
I'm not so sure it's walmart specific. i lived in a truck stop for about a year and half and then stayed at truck stops across the country. i could be wrong about it not being a walmart issue but lots of drivers from lots of companies talk about the issue of sleep and rest for the job.
i didn't post the accident last night that happened btwn 2 tractor trailors on the george washington bridge at 2:15 am in which one driver died. that gives me that idea...
this is the guy who never got us justice. there's also a pdf article on him from 1975 that i can't read mobile
the surrogate's court had to have known about this. christine's attorney didn't even know christine's the way she is from a car accident until she spoke to me. smh
In 2013 alone, Indiana State Police troopers handed out hundreds of violations for laws designed to keep tired drivers off the road.
Comfortably numb. Going back to sleep.
June 13th 2014
Mom having problems with her hands the simple act of opening something and being audible about it. Christine has to live with this stress. This is something the mediator ignored. When I said the simple acts mom has a problem with she played it off to the mediator that she doesn't have a problem. The mediator was not investigative whatsoever. I'm escaping.
" tape that crud! she's tuned out her pain.
turn it up.. she must be suffering.. you two kids are.. most certainly.
it wasn't running during that outburst but may be on one of them somewhere. ty for the sanity that us growing up in this atmosphere never should be. oh but a court doesn't agree without $700,000 being paid to a lawyer to kiss their a$$ in court? tis the sad world we live in?
"i know it's not just one thing.. but a fabric of unnecessary friction and lack of respect and honesty ... dang that denial!"
damn right
PROOF FINALLY! mom is witnessing first hand the stress of having to move all by yourself and the stress of coordinating help, trucks, etc. The last time mom moved was 43 years ago and my father was alive. Claire has robodick to move her since the late 80s early 90s and a social group to depend on. I've had to do this all on my own since 1997 having to move about six times. Nice going airhead. Told you!
"oh dear.. i didn't know you guys had to move?
i have a lot of tips and support.. i've moved more times than i can count.
are you moving someplace nicer.. i hope!??!?!"
no this is just consolidating all my stuff into one storage unit. it's even worse moving from house to house! especially with a brain injury and physical limitations. i can just hear the air escaping from my sister's head in Hopatcong nj. how many times did you have to move all by yourself? did you have gary or friends to help?
I'm so stressed out right now. this is the time I've learned to break apart and tackle piece by piece. finally got the storage situation fixed. cross off that stress. then i come across a truck rental that should work but not definite. half cross off that stress. my help that was all ready to do this 2 weeks ago is now shaky on being ready. He's broke like i am depending on his mom like i depend on mine. it would be less stressful if i stay in regular contact with him. i'm also trying to help him with his business. i feel like my marbles r dispersed all over!!!!  

"i moved mostly before i met gary.. and his support

while renting it was every 1-3 years
i lived in one apt for 8.5 years the longest before purchasing condo

i've moved 26 times not including places i didn't rent myself.. staying at a friends .. i was homeless in high school.. my mom sent me to live at god fathers but i soon moved in with boyfriend.

i moved one time because my room mate's bf hit me for no reason.. i called my friend and she helped me move out that day.. in the pooring rain.

i have a lot of tips .. mostly plan organize and priotize on paper to get best results.

are you moving or just your stuff? i'm confused."

that's ok.many times i stay vague publicly or sometimes communicating by finger tap is not easy opposed to typing. whole house move. so stressed wow u been through it girl!

it was so EASY when i had a man to do this for me. once he was gone it all fell apart. no reason to stay with a man...just sayin.

i can hear Claire now quoting the bible that man was not made to be alone. yeah ok but that DOES NOT address the social isolation and inhibition that comes along with MY brain injury to state the least. HER brain injury altered her personality to become more outgoing. how bout i just whine the night away   

saw ur post about going to a movie 35mins after you posted it. for some reason i don't get notifications from you. so I'll just whine to myself. whine whine whine whine whine whine...I'm not in the mood to not get numb early. I'm being discriminated against by my own family. It sounds though you know something about that. Whine whine whine whine whine.

June 14th 2014
So I really try to describe first hand what's really going on but I just keep getting ignored (obviously from what the surrogate's court did and even the mediator). Here I go again. So this morning mom does her usual going on and on and on and on. Her half crying and miserably worrisome manner led up to not being able to find her bank statement that she needs to have her account number when she gets there. Her and I have already been through this of how these things are not a problem if you don't have it when you get to the bank. So finally amidst all the goings on I call the bank but she finds her statement before someone answers the phone. While on hold I hit the roof as I just cant take her chaos anymore and tell her AGAIN how this problem is solved. She doesn't admit to any of her mistakes. As I hit the roof from her chaos Christine hits the roof to shut me up. (I laugh as I type this because from an objective point of view we're a loony bunch). As I point out the mess her chaos has made to her children she defends herself saying "I can talk to myself."  I hit the roof at her selfish oblivion and tell her it ruined the lives of her children - one of which was directed to go out into the world and paid a dear price for acting outside the home what they learned in the home from her. DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL that she has any part in anything. Then when it comes to brain injury same. She says nothing when I point out how someone with down syndrome is higher functioning than Christine is. She even denied what can be proven that Claire was court-ordered out of her house. THAT'S the danger in anyone telling this woman the past is the past CLAIRE - that's how your oblivion only compounded the problem airhead. You left this house long ago and just because YOUR life got "straightened out" you forget the level of denial you left behind. She has had every opportunity to find out about my brain injury but still goes on as if I'm just a bad apple when really she is witnessing (many times causing) brain injury symptoms. She still goes on about me going to get a job completely taking herself out of any other reason. Trust me this battered child left with no protection ... I am now having a hard time still describing this scene. No protection. Just abuse and discrimination by the very person left in charge of me. ... and on top of that the failure of protection by the surrogate's court. she also said "people are saying you shouldn't say you have a brain injury." WHAAAAA One: there she goes with her vague (and false) "people" when it's most likely her one uneducated cold-towards-brain-injury sister in america and Two: it proves my point exactly of all being swept under the rug, not dealing with my injury and life, and absolutely no protection for those disabled needs arising from this tragedy that more than her is in denial about.

Well just now I was leaving the house so I had to wake her up to let her know she needs to answer the door when the workman comes to the door. I knew she was sleeping because you can hear her breathing going into that state. (She recently started denying how much she sleeps when I said something about how Christine would be affected over her untreated hearing problems). Well she denied she was sleeping and I swallowed my reaction. I then asked her if she denied Claire was court-ordered out of the house because she had those records expunged. I made sure she answered too. Her ultimate answer was that Claire was court-ordered out of the house because of her drinking. (AND SHE THINKS I'M STUPID ENOUGH TO FALL FOR IT?) She thinks I'm not educated enough to know? (She's the one all those years growing up emphasizing me with school and it was actually her way of saying "I can't take care of you. The school should make up for it.") I again let her know the mess she made by not dealing with reality. Denying reality isn't going to work or help anything as should be obvious by now. That I used to fight with her in high school about her being in denial and here it is still all these years later. I just want this life over with. I'm not on this earth to be ignored and abused as a former medically needy child and to still see Christine's life cut so fucking short all because no one is taking care of this. 

This page is for all the kids out there that are being kept from one of the parents due to Parental Alienation. Please share with people the severity of this. It is complete child abuse and parents have rights as do the children.
Cause: 3,047 like this
Medical discrimination and abuse started this day and is ending it. As soon as I walk in the door shit hits the fan.

June 15th 2014
Only over my dead body am I allowing this woman to fly off in to outerspace of unreality. Today she says "you know I wonder what that place is now you know there..." (LIFE FLASH) "you mean where we had the accident?" (IT'S ALWAYS BEEN REFERRED TO AS THAT). she kind of rolls her eyes and barely says "yes." She talks about years ago she used to buy fish cakes there. (WHAT??? THAT'S A NEW ONE). when the truck driver was being sued he had a witness say they saw my mother turning into this place. She may not have known what happened but lying in court is the last thing that would have helped us when it can be proven how often she went in. Her response was and has ALWAYS been she only got bread there and she already had bread in the house. (WTF????). The other unreality I've heard from her lately is they moved here because of my father's job. (HALF TRUTH). My father grew up next to an elevated train in NYC. He wanted out of the city and never live in the city again. I forget what her response was when we were arguing this point that he used to take a train into the city to work everyday. Maybe she was arguing that he took the train other places. Claire is ok with the lives left behind with this loose cannon going in any direction she wants. I won't have it. Claire who's out of touch with her own injury is only feeding into the problem. Over my dead body they will have succeeded. Nothing less. 

"I'm a whistle blower, not a victim!
Get it straight people! My hand is not on my forehead poor be clear, my fist is in the air, in Solidarity!

I just made that up...and it rhymed?!!?"

June 16th 2014  

F*CK!!!!! CLUELESS CLAIRE: "JUST HIRE MOVERS!" maybe you can say that to someone whose untreated childhood hasn't put up barriers for their life airhead! I'm so f*cking stressed out!!!
June 20th 2014
COPS! and the lives they ruin. Drove a box truck on an 800 mile trip for the first time being scared to death to do so. Got pulled over for a tail light out on this rental truck under my name and said if it wasn't taken care of the way he explained to me and my witness, MY license would be suspended. Didn't leave the rental place without copies of this being taken care of. Rental place calls the Sherriff's office for a fax number coz we were told it had to be taken care of and proved so within 24 hrs. Rental place is told none of that is true. Rental place puts together mailing but refuses to do it certified or tracking. GUESS WHO LOOKS LIKE THE LYING ASSHOLE? of course ME! Because mistakes happen I insist on taking the ticket regular mail to ensure it gets mailed. I'm sitting outside the post office now having second thoughts on how this should be handled. NICE GOING HAMILTON COUNTY NY SHERRIFF'S OFFICE! f*ck! I still don't know if I should go in and mail this as is. I actually am going to hold onto it and think it thru more - not that I'll wind up better off necessarily.
i just lost everything i wrote to you but it comes down to finding out DOT transportation laws. nys has anti-idling laws yet when a sheriff kicked me out of the truck stop i was living in long ago he did so among ear shot of idling engines meaning some laws are not being enforced yet i was simply the operator of a rental truck and brake and tail lamps are not my responsibility. i'm juggling a lot of things right now.
and guess what mom's response was? "so did you mail it certified then?" my response to her: "no. I'm holding off to make sure this is done right. not your band-aid method of just guessing on how to take care of something and hope all goes well...just blindly forking over $8 for certified mail when that's an expense that you would think should be covered by the rental company. you know you just do something blindly now only for it to be wrong it comes out later?"
Great! A perfect example of how my "hoarding" is really an example of major disorganization of records and now I can't find the record. When I found it I immediately put it where I knew it wouldn't get lost and would be in my possession. Now it's not there. In a garbage bag in storage with miscellaneous papers lies the tape recorded meeting between VESID and the agency that was supposed to protect me from how they were destroying my life. How did it get removed and where is it among the 850 mile, THREE times physical item-moving, box truck trip? Come to think of it, it would have been misplaced as I had to get my license for the cop charging ME with a nonworking tail light of a rental truck

and the plot thickens! i rented from a nyc company and the truck is back in ny!
June 22nd 2014        
This is emotional. I had a very special friend who was a WWII vet. Everyone told him not to worry coz he would be too old to be drafted. HE WAS DRAFTED and had to take some college courses at my alma mater beforehand. "As his fellow Linden High School classmates received their diplomas on June 2, 1944, Herman Zeitchik was in England, girding for D-Day. Yesterday, Zeitchik donned a cap and gown and took part in the rite of passage that he thought World War II had forever prevented him from enjoying. Read more of Zeitchik's story at:

Dream : me and ? were leaving the children's hospital but I was an adult. We encountered the couple whose husband had recommended Michael j mella to my father. He had lost a lot of weight as I remember him being a Big man. We kept encountering all these people moving in or near my old room. In the dream my old room was on the 4th floor and something to do with 4B. In reality the hospital was 1 floor only when I was there. I was nice to the couple holding back my true feelings /rage of WHAT THE FUCK WENT ON HERE?! HOW COULD YOU OPEN US UP TO A LIFE OF RAPE BY PUTTING US IN TOUCH WITH A MAN WHO PROB DIDN'T EVEN SPECIALIZE IN THE TYPE OF LAW WE NEEDED??? R U GOING TO FIX THIS NOW ALL THESE YEARS LATER?! etc.
my dream has so pissed me off i'm drinking myself back to sleep. sh*t hit the fan with this loose cannon again the other morning who at one point came out and gave an empty threat of calling county services to get me out of here over abuse. GOOD! FINALLY COUNTY SVCS INVOLVED! THE CHILD WHO NEEDED THAT DURING YEARS SHE WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT. THE MORON WHO KEPT ME IN CATHOLIC SCHOOL AND THEN FORCED ME TO GO TO CATHOLIC HIGHSCHOOL UNTIL 2 YRS LATER I THREATENED THE POLICE ON HER. there's even the daily stress already started that mom whines about not being able to get her coat on so Christine offers the remedy of helping her. get this dumbass out of this fucking country. if there weren't medical needs there wouldn't be a fucking problem. since my medical needs are unobvious i suffer the worst kind of abuse from this sweet sounding jackass. The county said from the getgo I shouldn't go to college but jackass here called up her retired nurse friend and wound up taking me for a second opinion. This is the danger of airhead telling mom the past is the past not KNOWING to mom that means "the past never happened or can be lied about. Nice going airhead.
ha! and just to think my disabled life spiraled down after being discriminated against disability wise by a landlord from louisiana who was in that part of the country coz they were managing different Best Westerns around the country!
unfortunately i know how that goes too. part of the sequential spiral happened involving the NYS division of human rights who discriminated against me just like the landlord that brought me there!

Louisiana is known for voodoo especially from New Orleans which is where my old landlord is from. There are signs that's what's causing so many continual problems for me and those in my life.

June 23rd 2014              
the scene this morning at our house was shit hitting the fan after I witnessed and pointed out Christine's stressed out response to mom's cold toned voice of lashing out. It's nothing new but these days I'm not letting anything slide after having a corrupt family court system feed into my mother's unhealthy and untreated ways. Mom's response to my pointing it out was a quick resentful look followed by the directions for me to get out. My response was along the lines of "no way. you get me out. I told you months ago to do that. That's part of the problem that you're all talk no action which is what you taught your kids to do." She kept pointing out my age and I kept trying to point out her abuse over a child with brain damage at the age I was doesn't grow up like all other people my age. I'm thinking of that shared post I put up recently of dealing with stupid people - sorry. As I type I'm losing sight of all the inappropriate and abusive things said. Her way out of all arguments at one point was for me to go get a job. I told her to go get a lawyer to put a lien on my house so she's assured her money back. That she went into the surrogate's court with a lawyer acting like she knows what she's doing then it should be no different here. Of course it's an empty threat. She stated that "people" are saying I'm going on facebook "ranting and raving". Who's people? Her uneducated immigrant sister who has displayed complete coldness and uneducation to my brain injury? Her family 3000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean who are unknowledgeable about the American system including American no-fault insurance, American school system, etc. Her immigrant sister has admitted that it was no fair not to leave me behind a grade when I got back from the children's hospital. EVEN THOUGH SHE'S BEEN COLD IT'S A START. So at one point after I pointed out how much she is stressing Christine out she tried pointing out how I was getting her upset. If trying to take care of the problem is getting her upset then I agree. I tried reasoning with mom that she's not ABLE to take care of Christine anymore. That her difficulties in doing so and being so verbal about it is stressing everyone out. At a certain point she said something to Christine "you don't want her going on right?" followed by silence. I chimed in that I don't hear Christine saying "right." Part of this woman's abuse is that she provides for Christine's basic handicapped needs. She provides for ZERO of mine and that is beyond unfair that starting when I was 17 that responsibility was dumped on me to take care of all by myself without a father or other sibling to help me. IT ALL FELL APART MUCH AS I TRIED but this dumb-as-rocks woman refuses to acknowledge. She said at one point the apology she needs from me for all the name calling. I said "Sorry mom you have been the recipient of brain injury reactions." She then proceeded to state I don't have a brain injury by which elicited a brain injury reaction. I'll end this novel for now. I think the picture is somewhat clear. She did say "you don't have a brain injury THAT I CAN SEE." Exactly! we need intervention. This is the abuse and craziness i got away from and she turned around and lied about in court saying I'm not involved in Christine's life or their home for 20 years. Upon leaving for the day I see Christine's needs are being met by having the lift take her up on the bus (my social media plea) rather than her guardian make sure that happen.How very sad we were so completely failed by the Morris County Surrogate's Court under the direction of Judge Deanne Wilson and Court appointed attorney for Christine, Atty Cristina Mirda.

where's my protection ESPECIALLY as a handicapped child? 

another thing mom said this morning is the surprise I'm going to have when she's long dead and my response was there is no surprise. She's already revealed her loose cannon untrustworthiness and that's why I'll be dead before she. That we as children had the right to protection of a father. At a certain point she said he left everything to her. No kidding. Now we have no protection from that.

June 24th      
Granted I did a lot today but I lay my head down and the room starts spinning??? It should be the opposite.
yeah it was the weirdest thing. i got up at 4am and drove for 7 hrs and then sat in mcdonalds using wifi for 1.5 hrs and then had to do some running around about looking to get rid of my house and i thought I'll just lay my head down beforehand. i tried it twice and both times it happened so before i try it again I'm going out to eat first.
so now I've eaten but not going home again for another 2 hrs to try that again. I sat up to shake the feeling and then was dizzy sitting up until that went away. Thought it might be a one time thing but it happened again. Is this it? I go home and spin...

I had already reached my destination 7 hours away from that very spot\ . Damn it! Damn it! Then again I could have survived and been maimed
June 25th 2014       
*Dizzy spell.* Doesn't look like I will die with equity. Will have to look up what causes dizzy spells. If it's a brain tumor, woot! I get to die in peace. I may call back the real estate agent and list my house but I really don't have the energy for this. Depressed it didn't work out with people I know and trust. 
laid down again and spun
maybe the % is different in every state. I'll ask the agent again today but yep 28% if you're not buying another house.
Just laying here like I did after college. All the Mass transit from brain injury I was never protected from .... no protector just an out-of-touch uneducated immigrant hoping for the best and a boyfriend who couldn't let go when I NEEDED TO.  
the danger of songs: false hope

ok time to go home all alone to my lonely house and drink myself to sleep wishing to not wake up. Had a friendly soul just say hello to me. I'm not used to socializing with people around here. Everything was never together in this place. I was black listed. I think I sunk my own ship to begin with as far as not having proper perception to my surroundings and getting paranoid accordingly. I wasn't supposed to be so alone. I wasn't supposed to have life fall apart like this by any means.
always nice to see your support. i have gotten here, took a small cup of ice water with me, took my icelandic kelp pills with it, and now with my four loco.

No comments:

Post a Comment