Wednesday, April 16, 2014

April 14th 2014 and Claire's misguidedness is in dogma of The Way International started by a Princeton graduate (I can hear echoes of "Illuminati") that American Indians were conquered and slaughtered because they didn't have the backing of the one true god - that they worshiped things like the sun and trees, etc. I'm letting all be known for the occasion that I be gone.

April 12th 2014 so today mom started out the day by whispering "ok" which based on experience and opinion means "yesterday is gone by and today is different" - a mentality that includes "there is nothing to learn from yesterday. My child just has real problems *eye roll.* I'd love to know what goes on in that head. How someone could be so absent on connecting the dots with their children's lives - especially medically needy and thus medically deficient ones.

April 11th 2014 So in the end this power freak bitch took Christine to eat and to the handicapped activity never to mention the chaos beforehand. That's how she works. That's the loose cannon. She wouldn't be called a bitch if she didn't cause all this stress in the lives of handicapped children.

earlier on this day: reason 1 for an extra round today: Told mom I just got in a few minutes before because I had to go online to fill out more job info. Few minutes later she asks me what I wore. aka she didn't understand it was online and not in person. I then let her know the myriad of problems of why I'm not employed readily that she doesn't get and didn't care to as she lied to her own lawyer and a court regarding Christine to cover her own recklessness. 1. Although (and because) I have an IT degree I refuse to enter personal info online which most companies are doing today - both her and Claire have constantly gone on about and stayed away from going online due to all "the dangers" out there. (Just like when my father told me my sister had died before I came home that first weekend after the accident he told me not to say anything to my mother about it. I walked in the door and said hello to mom and walked past her and she never said anything to me. All cues seem to point to "don't say anything to mom" which mom's silence then verified. Years later when mom tried to play off like that was an awful thing to say to me and it was my father's fault yet her actions backed it up). same here the actions at home are teaching me not to do anything online like that. 2. I'm handicapped so there's lots of jobs I CAN'T do. 3. Once you've made a bad impression with one person in NYS it spreads like wildfire and ruins your life. She reacted to # 3. What was I going to do? Come back here and live this lie? The rest was silence as usual because she doesn't know what she's doing and won't admit to it. She then gets on the phone taking care of Christine's needs referring to her as handicapped and hiding behind that old familiar phrase "I have a handicapped child."

Reason 2 for an extra round: I wake up from the extra round and Christine is watching Ellen with me and enjoying it. When mom gets home she asks Christine if she wants to go to the handicapped activity tonight. Mom lets her know she doesn't want to because it will be very difficult with the rain. Christine agrees but she wants to go out to eat. Mom doesn't want to because of the rain. Christine throws a temper tantrum that she's sick of being in the house. I chime in to tell Christine that's why she needs to speak up to have me added as her medical guardian so I can start helping with her needs - she doesn't understand the concept but I still try to let her know what's going on. Christine gets louder in her temper tantrum and I match it waiting for her to stop. I then proceed with telling her all I can to make her understand all the harm and lies Mom and Claire have done with her medical life. Mom starts up for me to get the hell out. Everytime she does I tell her to get a court order to get me out. That that's how Claire got out of this house. Of the many denials she says she never told Claire to get out I say "I know you didn't. A judge ordered her out after you showed your true colors in court." She denies that was the case.

The evil that ruined this typing life will get evil in return.

Cheers to round 3 coming soon.

even earlier: Just admit ur fucking mistake u loose cannon running around in the usa. That's the 1st step in a twelve step program.

April 9th 2014 after trying on new clothes: Feeling like a fat loser. Completely know so much is not my fault but when no one is saving you from others evil it doesn't matter. 

earlier on this day replying to a comment about vet suing police for false imprisonment: oh trust me fighting power freak central like this is like David without his sling shot near Goliath. I've been falsely imprisoned by police in conjunction with 3 separate hospitals and I got NO Justice. All 3 hospitals said they couldn't find a problem with me. It was the second one though that said they had to admit me based on my interaction with police. No justice no peace for real. Everybody heard me screaming to arrest me rather than have my life raped by the psychiatric industry (not in those exact words). ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SPIT AT THE OFFICER TO GET MYSELF ARRESTED INSTEAD. It's hard to think like that after you've been stripped of your clothes and forcibly dressed in a hospital gown and your shoulders have bruises on them from police pulling them into oblivion while you're screaming on the hospital floor in pain and no one you know is near you. This officer has been charged but we don't know what the outcome is just yet and then the lawsuit is likely to drag out for some time and only then we'll see if the veteran gets justice. 

earlier on this day hoping I can advertise(?) myself for a job:
Ok made some calls and waiting for call backs but need to keep getting info on what might save me. Plus read below:
JOB BRAINSTORM: please comment here anyone with any ideas how I might get employment driving a car. I'm most comfortable long distance highway driving. I've looked up possibilities of rental companies (especially cross country driving) but I'm not sure where to start. I'M NOT LOOKING TO TAKE ANY TESTS FOR ANY SPECIAL LICENCES. I'm looking to drive as-is. Experience includes driving from NY to Perrysburg OH to Janesville WI to So. St Paul Minnesota to Rapid City SD to Casper WY to Cheyenne WY to Salt Lake City UT to north las vegas NV to Santa Barbara CA to Castaic CA to Monterey Bay Area CA to Sacramento-area CA to Salt Lake City UT to Cheyenne WY to Minonk ILL (15 hr trip to avoid staying in tornado alley) thru Kokomo Ind (to avoid the concrete nightmare of driving thru Chicago -never again!) across OH thru Wheeling WV to Mid PA into NJ. Before this cross country trip approximately 100,000 miles were driven from Canada-area to NJ, Canada-area to Virginia, Canada-area to Burlington VT area, and NJ to Mass. many times. Someday I would love to drive as far north as Churchill Canada. I'm not interested in driving in the southern United States but willing to do so. Not interested in going to Mexico at all. Whatever car driving opportunities involve this type of stamina PLEASE COMMENT! OPTIONS ARE RUNNING OUT! All the hours driving are also comfortable utilizing my Bachelor of Science degree doing general subject research or caselaw research for same amount of hours. Walking the political correctness walk (particularly at interviews) is on the lower end of my talent list so these jobs above would be for me. LOOKING INTO ALL POSSIBILITIES. thank you!

  April 3rd 2014 tap tap tap

 who lied? what did they lie about?

April 2nd 2014 I can only guess the missing days is when I was preparing a comfortable death for myself - not sure why there would be no posts from me for like 6 days: I bottomed out. Not even watching Ellen today. Was supposed to pick up alfalfa sprouts by 5:15. Laying here wanting things done right or nothing at all. What a waste I've become under this woman's sole care.

earlier on this day: who did this to me? who lied about me? who kept secrets from me that otherwise would have empowered me with a safe future? finger tapping on a couch i ... who's going to save me now?

 what's the secret? will you save me now?

 Someone save me!

This is reminiscent of when my father died. I laid in bed and didn't eat for a week or two. I don't remember how I would have gotten thru school without eating.

 still the same. this is surreal what this woman has gotten away with.

 Mom has a back diagnosis (that includes leg pain). She's still comparing herself to all these other people which is why she's going to go to a different physical therapist who won't discharge people so quickly. Just as she got a knee replacement by a doctor who didn't have any of her medical history .... it's very obvious we were left to the care of a medically incompetent guardian. I'm just to blitzed right now to go into detail.

  don't push my buttons while I'm blitzed and this incompetent just did that. i was simply pointing out to her the medical incomp. Not in so many words. I can't believe all these years later she would still pull the same shit of not learning from her Higgins tenant. STUPID. I told her when I was in college to atleast call a lawyer and ASK becoz me and Christine were CHILDREN. NOW she denies I said that. SOS! I told her I would simply up the phone bill (due to data usage) if she doesn't give me Gas money to get to the free wifi and she acts like I never said it. I so want to be done with this life. I so am not protected by this incompetence. A child was comat....after all that she sits down to say "alright what about this shopping? " aka "now that ur done with ur bullshit what's the deal about real stuff?"

April 1st 2014 So tired of not having advocacy for me. Remembering back to the downward slide that I was 16/17 and he was 18/19 and no dad or stalking laws to get him away. When his friends put me down his loser attitude was they're entitled to their opinion. How bout my innocent comment about my die hard lust for Bruce Willis' arms in Die Hard in 1989 and his psychological manipulation that followed only to reveal his hidden secret to me a year later when my defenses were completely down? What a nice guy loser. Atleast I have Vodka. Not sure who told him in college how dead wrong he was in thinking I'm the type of girl with no life. I had an untended to medical diagnosis which is the parents fault. Just sailing downward.

None of this was done for me S.O.S! " If you search the Internet for life planning for the child with a brain injury, you will find an assortment of different financial-planning tools that are available to help families plan for their child’s well-being. While it is essential to have a financial plan, there are complex issues to be considered that go beyond finances. Over the lifespan, decisions will need to be coordinated, including medical care, legal considerations, living supports whether in a residential setting or in the community, employment and socialization/recreation."

it's decided. I'm doing an xtra round today. me and mom got into a tiff over the damage she has done eighteen years ago disapproving with a cold reaction of a friend of mine coz she was paranoid I might get pregnant by a disapproved friend. Regardless of now it's not good enuf I'm childless, marriageless, and have done the college thing she so wanted with a disapproving outcome, and Claire kept encouraging me to finish based on her own failure, I read this quote to her and after being met by silence said to her "DO something." Her response was a childish "you do something." It's too late. I can't fix this situation anymore. Bailing myself out of deep water with a straw is very accurate.

 well the timing is right. atleast i'll be here when Christine wakes up from her nap today.

March 31st 2014 Hmmm is it possible to hide money assets in overseas accounts to evade detection in a guardianship, etc? Something makes no sense. What's mom up to again? I could be wrong but in the history of me knowing the life I grew up in something is missing or not right or kept secret from me.

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