I'm right here. Don't miss. Get the job done and do it right. I'll be waiting. http://www.examiner.com/article/satellite-falling-scientists-are-unsure-where-satellite-debris-will-land
couldnt get out of bed for am appt. need able bodied family to help me out of mess. take me out. Stress stress stress stress ...
atleast the coffee is on. got call from mom of something to bring her. stress stress stress stress ...
November 4th 2013
Mom is making a stink of needing to come home based on Christine but no mention of she wouldn't otherwise be in that self-created mess. Aka it's only an excuse when her problem would be solved if she would just give validation to her youngest child. Getting numb early 2nite.
http://lifewithheadinjury.com/.../i-wear-sunglasses-not.../ not sure if Claire claimed headaches but definitely a short fuse which helped ruin this life. been raped by the psychiatric industry,physically injured by the police community; slashed in the heart by my own cold blooded family; dragged over broken glass. no justice. vodka.
sensitivity to noise: flashback of when Claire still lived here and was in bed still while i was screaming at my mother over the strange school with strange people i was being sent to that morn and Claire tackled me from behind and starting punching my back and mom started screaming in my favor. this guardianship has been catered to Claire's undiagnosed brain injury. vodka for justice.
i'll go to try to open what might be a closed mind but not feeling the best about going to lunch tomorrow with someone who's known mom from the disability svcs Christine has been involved in for 30 years. I'm probably the child talked about as if nothing wrong. She wants to know all about my trip across the country. She's been told it wasn't a joy ride. Tomorrow she'll see the pics of the desert I was supposed to die in.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/syncope-and-collapse.html this is all left untreated from a brain injury perspective. Claire and I both were greatly helped by raw food diets that followed injury but she still goes unchecked. I think I would know otherwise.
stomach feels weak from too much vodka. didn't stop me from putting the garbage out this morn.i just want to be dead sooner than later than things be the way they are. i didn't have my life slammed into a mac truck with no justice for this to happen.
example of the foolish lack of validity that had no business raising this child in america post injury: there is a common modern way to do banking and this situation calls for it. her response when i tell her about it is "oh I've never done that before." followed by a string of worry this and that which causes STRESS to the children she raised with no outside help. i finally say annoyed that just as easy as it is to discuss with Claire adding me as a medical guardian it's that easy to call her bank and ASK. she wont and just stays riled in her worry to keep the stress going. so i make the call she wont while she stay's comfortable in her worry mode and sure enough i'm right but cant do anything because i'm not her. *crash* of a life by a fool who sought no outside help in getting needs met for her youngest injured child. reckless in say nothing and see how it all turns out. topping off reckless by denying reality of what her son in law has done.
so regret watching the unhelpful bs on the Today show.
November 3rd 2013
So Claire's learning another thing about nursing homes. She could have been involved in my life and learned it long ago. Mom never discussed my experience with Claire apparently and in her older years of forgetting everything as her multiple personalities kick in mom doesn't even bother to remind her why she fought hard to keep us home away from institutions. Better call your lawyer to have me added as medical guardian.
November 2nd 2013
great. Claire's coming here soon. if i'm still awake this will be interesting. supposedly her vacuum broke and she's coming to get mom's xtra one. maybe I'll be asleep by then.
ok she's been left a note on the vacuum to read my fb page to get a clue.zzzzzzzzzz
woke up and vacuum still here with note. Called mom and Claire just got there. She got her vacuum working again. What probably happened is her husband or son saw my post and got to work on the vacuum just like 20 years ago a couch showed up for their friend after they prayed for it in her bugged apartment. Maybe I'll just go back to sleep again. Noone communicating is being lethal anyway.
another round complete
yet again mom didn't discuss medical guardianship with Claire. i warned her again the mess she's going to be in. i have nothing keeping me here without it. food eaten w round 1: stalk of celery with dressing mixture of mayo and ketchup and my version of garlic bread. food w round 2: onion bagel w butter and onions in toaster oven at 250 for ten minutes. food so far w this round: veg smoothie raw parsely,raw basil,raw spinach,raw ginger, red onion, raw mint leaves, raw green pepper, flax seeds, lettuce, 1/2 an orange squeezed in, olive oil, and water. cheers! someone who's known us before and after accident is acquainted with one of my close friends who is gay. this guy is all love to know him but in the misled eyes of Claire is destined in his life of sin. interesting to think about that bridge of finally someone who knows Claire well can know the goodhearted friends of mine that Claire never met partially by choice that she was never around and although she has good intentions in conversating with Christine for an hour she is out of touch. this had better be fixed or i am out of here and messes may fall where they may - things mom doesnt tell Claire.
Vodka instead of coffee for breakfast. the alternative is saving this life. i need family to help me or friends that are like family. i don't want to lose my house. so many other things.
October 31st 2013
October 27th 2013
To get out of bed today or not to get out of bed today?
I'm feeling that much closer to taking off out of here. i've told mom how she doesn't have to spend all this money when i can take care of Christine just fine here which is evidenced by a history of me doing so. my plans were cancelled yesterday because i'm not comfortable being around Claire who is thinking about me falsely based on things mom is not telling her. sent Claire a text message yesterday that when she sees mom,mom has something important to tell her. no mention of a text msg and mom didn't say anything. we went over this before but as usual she acts like we never did. this child is going down because this child can't hold their life together anymore with neglect from incompetence.
on the drink again. plan to visit mom took a nosedive after deadair on the phone as usual. this is the type of stuff she uses against me in a court of law saying I keep fighting with her but not having to answer to anyone wut those fights are about.
if only my spirit would separate from my body like the girl in the jamesway pkg lot about 20 years ago. alternatively someone could step in and save this situation.
October 26th 2013
There go my fucking plans for the day. Mom is telling airhead nothing. That is the same recklessness that has withstood the test of time. Without communication and with the lies mom is living in (or perhaps we should call it over-optimism teetered over to unrealistic existence) this situation is not going to be salvaged. To round 1 or not to round 1? hmmm
time to go get food so i can come back and keep drinking my life away until this is fixed.
oopsie doing what I've learned best growing up: being unrealistically optimistic as far as being fixed. round 4.
hope she gets that thru the esp waves. her sister is following me on facebook so maybe she'll get the message!
October 25th 2013
Round 1. Yet another medical professional and myself were on the same page over another not-well-thought-out nonmedically inducive situation. I told her on day 1 it wasn't going to be good for her and to change it. AS USUAL she convinced the medical professional it was ok but I had to provide proof it would be ok. THEN the medical professional came out and said what I had been saying all along. This is a pattern that has withstood the rest of time. I'm not being malicious. There is a child here still saying "she couldn't provide me adequate help. I've also missed all statute of limitations for justice. The ABSOLUTE last thing that should happen in the end is being denied or ousted from a situation where I BELONG."
having anxiety over cleaning up the messes I'm in having no idea for too long how incapable she was