Monday, April 21, 2014

June 24th 2013
Called mom up today while bawling about not getting the job. Said she needs to get in contact with the surrogate Court or this will not turn out good. She's been given every warning. The SC never did a competency investigation of my mother. Judge Etna Judy asked me if I'm going back to ny. I'm trying to hang on til August. I have nothing to return to in NY so mom better get busy. If she's ill I COULD be there helping her. She wont ask Claire for help meanwhile I know the truth.

As usual didnt get the job. Where they got it I said I was ever escorted out by security I have NO IDEA. on to find out about the other possibility. Fought with my bank on Friday to get my money back they stole but have to try that again today. I'll be on the social security death index soon for gods sake. They get $20/mo automatically. I would just like to live until August. This ... Lost thought

this penut butter and jelly on a fork just isnt cutting it.
I actually looked into this employment agency that has branches nationwide but in pa none of the jobs are near you.
God is inside all of us. maybe the ones in power give up that power.
 June 22nd 2013
 June 19th 2013
Ok I've been prepping for three job interviews I have tomorrow. I WANT TO GO HOME! I just cant return without some type of mediation whether it's legal mediation, Court-ordered counseling, ... I NEED PROTECTION AND NONE OF MY FAMILY IS WILLING TO GET INVOLVED. in Ireland families stick together unlike in the USA where it's common for family members to migrate. That's the dual personality lie I've been brought up under by an immigrant who was forced to leave NYC life and survive in rich suburbia ... And the days count down.
my creditors are calling her house about me. obviously she isn't reaching out to find out what this how serious it is. That reminds me I'm probably wasting a large portion of my time tomorrow because once the company does a background check my credit report will ruin the job possibility.
so instead of waste gas I just called to know upfront if my credit score will be a prob and he said not with this job. I still need to get home!
spoke to mom. she said she called surrogates Court and got some recording and hung up to try another day. this request to her is on the miscellaneous things to do. that's the recklessness I was raised in. she has medical problems and I said that's why I want to come home but cant do so without protection. she said "protection from what?" we've already been over this. that's the harassment I grew up with. the older generation irish disregard emotions especially in children. that ruined this life especially needing medical cognitive attention.I'm about to go on my interview. I want to go back home!
Mom's been left another message. 43-46 days left.
 June 17th 2013
Ok mom has been called and left a message I'm calling to find out if she's made the call she needs to about me. She's already admitted (only to me - not the Court) that my friend with the same injury has what he needs because he has a father around. She's already admitted (only to me and completely misleading the Court) I can come home to her and she'll pay for me to get back if needed. However any mention of any intervention for me to do so is just me talking sh*t. As usual all is fine according to her and I have no need for protection. I gave her the example of my former classmate Ofcr Colleen kober carrying me out of her house to have me admitted to a psychiatry eval and her response was "that's something YOU did". (Judge Judy does the exact same thing and so reminds me of that stress and inability to cope that I needed to be removed from for a fair shot at life post-accident). there's just an eternal unhealthy...need now to make that call regarding that job.

need to call back in25 minutes. anyway a lot of this is unhealthy harassment because she doesn't really come out and say she wont do something. she just argues to the point of me screaming and then turns me off because I'm not normal "like all these other people." upon coming home from the hospital I was always compared to her sister's kids and her devout-catholic-NYC-born friend's kids who have no injuries. see how I'm exhausted in life and am at the point that I cant do this alone anymore? that's the loose cannon she's been free to be giving me a life of complete confusion and chaos. my father had downfalls to but not being around since I was 12 all falls on her unfortunately. I took a closer look at dates and she actually has between 45 and 48 days to do something. I may not leave until paying my bills August 4.
judge Judy Etna just pulled an attitude with me out of nowhere and embarrassed me again in front of someone. makes me think she suffers multiple personality with such an abrupt change like that. I need to go home. but will be joining my sis and dad if intervention doesn't happen.
June 17th 2013
44 days left approximately and she's been given her daily reminder call that I will be checking back tomorrow to see what she found out from the Surrogate's office.
oh and yesterday she tried grabbing at the straw that I'm bullying. hahahaha the woman grew up a bully beating up boys and then did nothing to protect me as she watched me bullied right outside her window for years and did nothing about the bullying done to me in school. bullying is not even in my nature. she's really going over the top these days and probably fed the idea from Claire who doesn't even know about her own mother's past. I'm so restless to have an appropriate life this is not good.
and judge Judy is making up stories again just like mom has always done but I can disconnect from judge judy. not from mom.
June 16th 2013
 She's been warned again and she has about 45 days left to do it. "call up the surrogates Court and say 'when my daughter turned 18 I had no idea the surr can do anything else for her. What can I do for her now that things are obvious?'" they're going to look in the record and see she's lying because we did meet with a Marilyn mindes (?) For voc rehab of Morris county and we declined help because I was going away to college. I want to go home. She has about 45 days. She's not likely to do anything. I pointed out the things done for the other two.
she's likely to be warned every day from this point. it's only about 45 days.
today I happened upon the guy that took interest in me when I first got here who asked the same question my international relatives did about why my family cant help me.
just having one of those moments of lots of energy and no place to go. intelligence left locked in the attic that doesn't have to die but has no choice. already rejected the choice of returning to the slaughter without intervention. just one of those restless moments.
help me! In 1974, the Legislature passed N.J.S.A. 9:6-8.21. That section defines an "abused or neglected child" as a child less than 18 years of age whose parent or guardian ... (4) or a child whose physical, mental, or emotional condition has been impaired or is in imminent danger of becoming impaired as a result of the failure of his parent or guardian, as herein defined, to exercise a minimum degree of care ... (b) in providing the child with proper supervision or guardianship, by unreasonably inflicting or allowing to be inflicted harm, or substantial risk thereof, including the infliction of excessive corporal punishment; or by any other acts of a similarly serious nature requiring the aid of the court ...
June 15th 2013
Hello all new friends. please read through all my posts and comments to know what I'm all about. I'm expecting to be dead this summer. I will not survive without a job anymore past this summer. I will not be signing my life over to welfare or bankruptcy either. despite my injury I worked since I was ten years old and it's only since getting involved in nys disability services did all spiral downward. Instead of helping reach your full potential they had to pigeon hole me into more inappropriateness while my college degree became outdated. my family was involved in a car accident long ago. 1 sister died. 1 sis got minimal damage and me and my other sis lived in a children's hospital for just under a year and over a year post accident. Fast forward 6 yrs later when my father died and the sis w/ minimal damage was given a Court order she wasnt allowed back in the home after mother acted out in Court. Nothing was done for the 2 remaining children in the household - no investigation - nada. So the remaining kids grew up w inappropriate medical needs etc. fast forward to 30 years after accident mother finally investigates what needs to be done while witnessing one of her daughters living an inadequate life - or possibly she's too incompetent to realize. Surrogate's Court grants guardianship to the sis in hosp for longer than year to mother and sis with minimal damage and that's all folks. Now I'm preparing to die this summer because I never got needed protection and got my bachelor of science degree but w/inappropriateness went no place. Dont listen to the Pink song about not going to die - that's just as reckless as the people who tried to convince me nothing was wrong growing up. We became the children of no-fault insurance growing up rather than victory winners against the speeding and over-the-weight-limit truck that hit us head on. Please read my posts/comments for further info. I'm presently in California after executing my bucket list which included driving across the country. I want to go back home but will not w/o proper intervention and no one will hire me now. I looked into a situation recently for a possible survival on the east coast presented to me from a high school friend but I have yet to be convinced there's a survivable plan to return to. I have a very short time left. My last $20 is gone. (Surviving on money left over from not paying my credit cards is hit and miss because bills vary). Then I have enough to get home or go on my final road trip. The plan on the east coast would work great if I have the long overdue adequate job to sustain me over time. Still throwing ideas around but doesn't look very realistic. That really hurt coz it would be so great. Threw out an SOS flare to a new fb friend who lives in one of the European countries I'm entitled to dual citizenship with. It's a long shot and didn't pan out. Fate put me in touch w/someone who reminds me every day how much I needed to be raised in a household outside of my own where there is a reduction in stress and confusion so I could get thru life successfully. Tic toc. If someone is going to do something for me I need you to act quickly. I'm coming to know about California heat and am past the days of surviving on less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Living as a sleep-deprived zombie is not going to happen bcoz it's happened the past few days. Earlier than expected I'll just go on my final road trip. I expected to last the summer but it's not worth living like this. It's obvious I was not granted the proper guardian I needed growing up. The plea bargain to the injustice - let me return to the place I've gone to at any given time and formally get my sister the updated medical care she not only deserves but expresses she wants. Casey Anthony can potentially be retried federally. That's the same revisitation my case needs before it's too late. It's not like I'm not trying either. As usual I'm following up on job leads. Update - this is really hard to update via mobile - the example I gave of not getting proper care medically was the requirement of running the mile in gym class and being whacked in the face and thrown to the ground by a volley ball rather than have the medical excuse I needed. I've finally come up with a date for my final road trip to be around the beginning of August and this situation can be turned around still from the now until my final Facebook check mid to late August. I currently have some job prospects here that look good but I don't need to be here. I need to return home with something put in place for me as it was never done. Better late than never. I need to take my sister to the medical treatment plan waiting for her. My mother knows that. She's just being a fool. I need protection from her foolishness.
Things are going from bad to worse. Been on the phone with my bank now for hour. I have a 23 year flawless history with them however they have blocked my checking acct line of credit that I borrow from periodically (because it gets auto paid back every month) all based on my credit score.
$47 to my name until the rest of the month. gas or food or sleeping medication? oh wait I'm overdue for an oil change and tire rotation on the car I live in. bank of mom should come thru on the car work.
mom is willing to pay but mom is not comprehending she is wrong. she didnt know what to do for me to protect me then - do so now. she's telling me for me to go to the surrogates Court and take care of myself now. it doesnt work like that. Actually mom is lying. She knows that the parent has the biggest say.
Can't tell you how crazy this is making me especially to not realize ALL these years I was depending on someone who can't provide for me. She only provides monetarily when needed which isn't going to cut it. She doesn't get it. I pointed out that when I was 18 she was wrong (that the surrogate's court doesn't just deal with money) so that when she found out the truth instead of sharing the truth with me and seeing what she could do for me, she just left it. I told her she should get on Facebook and learn about me. She refuses. I told her she can see a pic of my buddy who had a guardianship, etc. Her response? "His father's probably alive." In other words she's admitting that she couldn't do all this by herself. She's not admitting that to the court because then she would formally seem incompetent. And the mouse maze of insanity continues. Where's my guardian ad litem? I NEED THAT  
June 14th 2013
Well I finally found the ten year ex on here. Yet to see if he'll talk back and answer my friend request. Geez he helped ruin my life. He cant talk to me in death? Hope he enjoyed that Germany trip. He looks tired from the kids.
that's not knocking his kids deb. that's acknowledgment I know he's there so why not say something at the end of life. geez deb this is not frivolous. how many other couples do you know that can atleast say hello at some point after breaking up? I know many. and I who needed it most because of a brain injury developmentally to not be ripped from my familiar environment or even transitioned. Deb dont you work with special needs kids? they dont teach you these things?
well I guess everyone now can see the careless oversight that still exists in this life. where's that bang head here diagram? Our accident happened in your town *shaking head at loss for words* hmmm let me guess...that was a long time ago and I'm fine now.
 ok Deb it looks like you removed your comment but let me be just clear about Kevin. from the getgo my mother always said he's not for me; before Claire had kids her and her husband used to laugh at him; my cousins used to laugh imitating the Planet of The Apes series; when my mother showed my senior prom pics to coworkers some said "what's she doing with him?" my father wasnt around for me like I so needed him to be as Kevin threw rocks at my window and just couldnt let go; in 1995 when right frontal lobe injury was explained to him and all made tragic sense he threw orange juice all over my car in a fit of understandable rage and every year after that my stick shift would freeze in the winter time from orange juice damage. my mother used to always tell me I need to date a NYC guy. what I needed was a lawyer due to statute of limitations once you gain that knowledge (even though I was 7 years past being 18). the past is the past. do something for me NOW before it's too late. I had no knowledge also that the surrogate does anything other than hold money as per my mother until 2008 when surprise! I get a Court notice in my Po box regarding the welfare of my sister I used to watch sleep in a hospital bed across from me. thru all the adversity I stayed with Kevin guess who gets their dream come true of a skinny Christian woman to father his kids in upper middle-class suburbia? it is what it is at this point. I have nothing to fight with Kevin about. Kevin is learning as he is raising his own kids now. I never found the man I medically needed to raise kids let alone have them. I could NEVER safely survive as a single mother. people grow and change and realize. anyway more could be said but that's all for now. There looks to be a job prospect for me here in July but I dont need to be here.
June 13th 2013
Hmmm the person I hang with had to go today for treatment of a lung infection which is contagious which means they got it from someone. The only "sick" person they've been around is me. I woke up choking on Tuesday, couldnt clear my throat on Wednesday, was sick by Thursday. Cough drops thurs, Fri, sat, didnt cure it. Herb tea on sat helped me feel better for a while so did 4 cups cranberry tea sun and much better, 6 cups green peppermint tea mon and feeling better, 4 cups green peppermint tea today and still getting better, tomorrow will be either green peppermint or green mint. No antibiotics like the person I'm hanging with although everyone has a different history. Being out of the habit of my herbal tea everyday caused this to happen because last time I woke up choking I was doing herbal tea everyday and didnt get sick. I havent been in the mood or circumstance this week to do a clove of garlic which doesnt help matters but have I been carrying a virus all this time that herbal tea has been controlling? Guy here from originally Philly told me San Diego is rampant with hepatitus a b and c. I'm nowhere near San Diego. Wonder if herbal teas are curing whatever I have or just keeping it dormant. Been hanging with this person for about 3 months now and although they've always had a fluid sounding cough (for reasons I thought already explained) this is a first. In 2008 had symptom of bright green nasal discharge but took green-mint tea and problem gone before ever getting sick. Hmmmm.
June 11th 2013 
That and backwards baseball caps (and tattoos to a degree) - turnoffs!
Do you think sagging pants should be banned? YES or NO?
thank you for your support in this very lonely situation!
Will resend welcome message to all new friends tomorrow if you havent scrolled down yet. Just found out over 30 years later what the "upper respiratory" damage was I was given long ago. It seems to be nasal passage damage from the current symptoms I'm having. In highschool I was given no excuses from gym class and the fact I was holding my throat in in pain throbbing was ignored. What xtra damage did this do? I also never got excused from volleyball and being that my hand-eye-motor coordination was damaged...oh well... So I got whacked in the face and thrown to the ground more than once juat to be a laughing stock being in catholic school. Justice=peace.
 June 9th 2013  
Current job prospect looks promising but it's kind of too late. As usual I tested above average. Those are the type jobs that are for me where my skills are in black and white instead of bullshiting my way through an interview convincing why a company should hire me. My house cant go through another winter untended to. disability services in the area started me on this road trip by, instead of helping me with my biggest weakness of interviewing closed my case due to lack of medical records so prepared to send me away to gain psychiatric records...we all know how easy it is to get them especially in my vulnerable position. How will I take care of my stuff in NY if working in CA? I spent my last $20 yesterday on gas and the $1 a day in coffee is coming from money left over $$ from unpaid credit cards. I'll have less of that in July due to a NY bill due. I'm thinking August 1 will be time for final road trip and since I'm not being saved will be seeing my sister again on or about her anniversary. Mom should have let me know if she changed her mind about me going to college. Mom should have been honest with people. The surrogates Court should have paid more attention. this is how apathy kills. Would've could've should've can still be turned around. The uneducated immigrants watching over this life for years need to admit they didnt know how to give this injured child what they needed, had no idea about their loved one's insignificance against insurance monstrosity, and need to do something now. When my relatives came over from Ireland recently they asked why they wont go help me. The response was simply "no one's going to go all the way up there." I have no intention of working in Cali and letting my NY stuff fall to hell - it's just not in my nature. I was raised to be responsible - it just missed the element to stay within the context of my forever changed capabilities at 6 years of age. I'm left with visions of my oldest brain-washed sister from The Way International indicating I'm reaping what I get from my decisions, meanwhile decision making is an area of my brain that was injured. Unbelievable.
 June 8th 2013 
Surviving this heat is a chore. Just resting my body to store up energy for tomorrow. Placed cup of ice in armpits couple minutes at a time. W/o looking it up thought that lowers body temp. Looked it up and it's what helps lower fever. Organic lemon chamomile tea with fresh lemon pieces and honey has helped the coughing subside for now. This is especially bizarre in this weather since I never get sick even sub zero temps. Need to conserve my energy again.
It all started Tuesday night when I woke up choking and evolved. I cant take this heat. Financially I'm running on fumes.

June 7th 2013
streenz v. streenz, 471 P.2d 282; 41 A.L.R.3d 891; 1970 – Arizona case. Parental immunity didn’t apply for this daughter that sued for the injuries sustained by her in a car accident (car driven by her mother). Cites cases from many different states. Brought a personal injury claim against her parents through her guardian ad litem. Dissenting opinions with this case but child was granted to move forward.
I never had a guardian ad litem to my knowledge. Everything done informal and "off the books."
June 6th 2013
Loco motor training - something in a care plan for my sister that remains unacted upon without me being included in her care formally. I refuse to do it informally bcoz I'm too aware of what loose cannons do when not regulated. The doc for her is of the caliber of mt. Sanai or The Mayo Clinic.
Sophie Morgan walks with the aid of “Rex”, a Robotic Exoskeleton at the Welcome Trust on September 19, 2012 in London, England.
The system allows wheelchair users including fully paralyzed people, to stand upright and walk independently. Sophie was paralyzed from the breast bone down in 2003 following a car accident

If anyone sees anything suspicious from me I got this message after having to relog in: Sometimes spammers create fake pages that look like Facebook or another website. These pages usually offer you a great deal if you do something in return (ex: get free plane tickets when you copy and paste this special access token). It looks like you pasted sensitive info about your Facebook account onto on of these pages. As a result, your account started spreading spam.

Don't worry, we've secured your account.
I never pasted anything.

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