Wednesday, April 16, 2014

March 15th 2014 so now i'm wondering if mom changed her story today based on something I did for Christine because I know the sister I grew up with and spent close to a year in the hospital with and am grounded in reality of her injury.

It's known that she can't go to a buffet with Christine because it's too much yet tonight out of the blue she said they can manage and she's gone there with her once.she couldn't answer me if this was before or after her surgery. Basically it made no sense at all.What happened previous to this is that I made sure Christine had available to her something she enjoys on the TV and is appropriate at keeping the brain therapeutically active. Mom either feels inadequate or caught terrible in keeping up her lie about me in Christine's life.

Earlier in the day she mumbled about needing to get my nephew here to put a battery in the smoke alarm. that is her way of saying that she needs me to do something but she's not going to ask me based on her needing to go fix the surrogate situation for me to do stuff. so that spat culminated into me reminding her that Christine's brain damage only got worse leaving her seizures untreated and I could have taken care of it earlier had she not put a stop to me taking her to a doctor.

I'll be numb soon.

March 14th 2014 
Vodka = valium. I hadn't seen the movie Speed in 20 years so I had the volume turned up for a reason when mom and Christine came home from one of christine's handicapped group activities. Got here as the red button bomb sound was going off in the bomber's house. Mom wanted to know where the sound was coming from. GET A HEARING AID AND FIND OUT YOU INCOMPETENT BITCH! I'M TIRED OF REPEATING FOR YOU WHEN YOU REFUSE TO HANDLE OR GIVE UP THE MEDICAL SITUATION YOU ARE FUCKING IN. JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER MEDICAL THINGS YOU DID NOT TAKE CARE OF BITCH! OH AND IN THE FUCKING END I'M CUT OUT WHILE YOU FEEL COMFORTED IN UR LIE THAT YOUR OLDEST DAUGHTER'S FAMILY ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT. VODKA.

i'm going home to get drunk very soon. Some days are more murderous than others as far as the rape of my life by the court system. some days I belong on something like valium all day: "May I now get the help needed for a (high functioning but developmentally disabled) vs (honor roll, undeprived-of-sports, TWO parents) very important, down-to-the-wire situation? !?!?!???"
The Morris County teenager suing her parents to pay for her immediate living costs and college tuition, has returned home and reunited with her family, her parents' attorney said in a statement.

March 13th 2014 
For the record: my stalker(s) so far leave their evidence behind that 1. I have my verizon house phone msgs saved since June (10 day save plan has been active for quite a few years). 2. The day after I print out my w-2 tax info from my california boss (because it still hadn't got here after a month) it suddenly arrives in the mail today. Mark my words.

wow. the more i think about having a past life and piecing together how 2 subjects that irked me were Hitler and the mob coupled with a recurring dream theme of a man dead hung from his feet - which i hadn't even known was a tribute to Musselini. Now there's my aversion to tattoos. hmmmm
March 10th 2014 
Another meaningless day has begun that I'm not even searching for a job as part of my insistance that this childhood situation be taken care of in some capacity (rather than continually ignored by certain significant ones) once and for all. All these bandaid methods and disregard through the years have not worked. Thruout the years I pled with mom to DO something for us. Just atleast ASK a lawyer. My pleading was met by silence. Oh and then one day out of the blue I receive court papers in the mail for Christine leaving me totally out of it. RIIIIIIIGGGHHT
saying all i never got to make known to a court, etc
March 9, 2014
Greeeeeaaat. Wny don't the illegals just live here and the legals go to Mexico? That way their dream will come true and legals will go start a new America someplace else because all their jobs have been taken over by the illegals. 
May I now get the help needed for a (high functioning but developmentally disabled) vs (honor roll, undeprived-of-sports, TWO parents) very important, down-to-the-wire situation? !?!?!???
A family in turmoil: Is the harm from Rachel Canning's lawsuit irreparable? 'Wonderful family' torn asunder as the world watches, passes judgment: 
Stupid just pushed my buttons and I don't remember how. Stupid sits here saying i'm 42 yrs old. Stupid is not held accountable for before I was 18. Round 3 you stupid bitch deanne wilson. You weren't here to just see my mother hold her first up to my face but too weak these days to use it. Everybody needs to walk away from this situation I presume. Even a surrogate's court judge.
depending on where she is in lincoln park she traveled about the same distance to the catholic prison i was forced to go to and then threatened the police on my mother to get out of. i hadn't known yet that my oldest sister was court ordered out of the home within 1.5 years earlier. Like I keep saying 'loose and under the radar'
Round 2. There was supposed to be more in that post last night but browser problems kept making me lose my post. I spent many hours studying with Claire with an open mind. I witnessed her husband's abusiveness particularly her youngest who at the bottom of the stairs at their apartment in Wallington was flung / thrashed about by impatient daddy. That type of physical abuse is what caused the divorce of Claire's host family. Of all the abuse the wife had to witness she threw in the towel after witnessing her husband throw their oldest daughter Tracy up against a wall. It helped matters that her next husband was living in the house or going to regular Way meetings - I don't remember which. I was at a loss for words when I was told robodick didn't want me around based on fights he witnessed me having with my medically negligent mother - as if my interaction in their house would be anything of the calibur in my own house. I will not have this at all. Absolutely not. And this guy has NO IDEA how much The Way is completely NOT in his long term best interests.  
 March 8th 2014 
I rarely hear mom lamenting to Claire, particularly about financial woes but tonight I did about various issues. Airhead's response was "hopefully everything works out." Mom was actually awaiting airhead to offer help but she's too brainwashed out of touch with family. She ended the conversation asking if i'm still here which is just a hint that her problems are solved. Riiiiiggghht.

" Emotional suffering and pain are real. It's not a matter of just "changing one's mind." If someone is in a car accident and severely injured, that one can't just "change their mind" or distract themselves and the injury is gone. "
"...Dad was challenged with anger issues, possibly as a result from a brain injury due to a serious car wreck prior to starting the family..." " As my manner was, I got 100% involved with The Way. In January, 1978, at the age of 18, shortly after dropping out of college, I moved in with Way believers and got a job in the laundry department of a local hospital. In February, 1978, I met the president and founder of The Way whose charisma and fatherly demeanor left an indelible impression on my young heart and my desire to serve. He signed me up for the next wave of Word Over the World (WOW) Ambassadors to be commissioned in August, 1978. [WOW was The Way outreach program and involved a one-year commitment, the volunteer serving wherever assigned by The Way.]" " Since 2000 Way leadership appears to have kept itself clean in regard to sexual abuses." " Since exiting I've cycled with a myriad of emotions including periods of bitterness and rage regarding hypocrisy and cover-up, a deep sense of overwhelming loss and grief for various reasons, identity issues, the feeling of being shattered, feelings of shame and self-blame regarding certain personal decisions and my blindness to manipulations. Yet, I'm thankful for my many good times in The Way;" 

spy? listed as 3rd one down. So two needs to spur on tbi because their cultural has been fundamentally flawed without acknowledging it's existence in the unobvious part of the brain?????

if only this guy knew how NOT in his long term best interests The Way is

March 7th 2014  
Woke up to the usual stress of mom yelling because something is always wrong. Heard dogs fighting and thought back to how uncharacteristic it was for my dog to not be playful once I bought my house. It was probably my dog telling me something but it was too late. I had two choices - flame or frying pan. Under the direction of mom I knew nothing about the surrogate's court or anyone else to save me. My nephew grew up in an appropriate life to save him. His hypocritical parents ... anyway


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