Tuesday, April 22, 2014

June 4th 2013 
 
justice beckons especially when there's open parts to the case. No justice. No peace. I'll settle for a plea bargain.  
 
Hello all new friends. pls read through all my posts and comments to know what I'm all about. I'm expecting to be dead this summer. I will not survive without a job anymore past this summer. I will not be signing my life over to welfare or bankruptcy either. my family was involved in a car accident long ago. 1 sister died. 1 sis got minimal damage and me and my other sis lived in a children's hospital for just under a year and over a year post accident. Fast forward 6 yrs later when my father died and the sis w/ minimal damage was given a Court order she wasnt allowed back in the home after mother acted out in Court. Nothing was done for the 2 remaining children in the household - no investigation - nada. So the remaining kids grew up w inappropriate medical needs etc. fast forward to 30 years after accident mother finally investigates what needs to be done while witnessing one of her daughters living an inadequate life - or possibly she's too incompetent to realize. Surrogate's Court grants guardianship to the sis in hosp for longer than year to mother and sis with minimal damage and that's all folks. Now I'm preparing to die this summer because I never got needed protection and got my bachelor of science degree but w/ inappropriateness went no place. Dont listen to the Pink song about not going to die - that's just as reckless as all the people who tried to convince me nothing was wrong growing up. We became the children of no-fault insurance growing up rather than victory winners against the speeding and over-the-weight-limit truck that hit us head on. Please read my posts/comments for further info. I'm presently in California after executing my bucket list which included driving across the country. I want to go back home but will not w/o proper intervention and no one will hire me now. I'm looking into a situation today for a possible survival on the east coast presented to me from a high school friend but I have yet to be convinced there's a survivable plan to return to. w. I have a very short time left. I'm living on my last ten dollar bill and then have a twenty dollar bill - a dollar a day for coffee. Then I have enough to get home or go on my final road trip. The plan on the east coast discussed yesterday would work great if I have the long overdue adequate job to sustain me over time. Still throwing ideas atound but doesnt look very realistic. Maybe not? That really hurt coz it would be so great. Threw out an SOS flare to a new fb friend who lives in one of the European countries I'm entitled to dual citizenship with. It's a long shot but what would anyone do? Fate put me in touch w/ someone who reminds me every day how much I needed to be raised in a household outside of my own where there is a reduction in stress and confusion so I could get thru life successfully. Tic toc. If someone is going to do something for me I need you to act quickly. I'm coming to know about California heat and am past the days of sirviving on less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Living as a sleep-deprived zombie is not going to happen bcoz it's happened the past few days. Earlier than expected I'll just go on my final road trip. I expected to last the summer but it's not worth living like this. The person causing me stress is a lot like judge Judy and I really like judge Judy but it is appropriate for a Court room and not learning daily things. I'm not guilty of what I dont know and I had no idea the majority of her friends are acquaintances. She never told me who she trusts most or not - there's been an assumption I guess that I would figure it out - NOT AT ALL. so it turns out I let out some info about me that includes her but turns out it went to a person considered more an acquaintance. It's not my fault but the consequences are STRESS. I only call people "friends" those that I share my life with. That's one thing how I was so confused when I got to college and would hear people refer to someone they just met as a friend. My friendship runs deep and personal as do relationships. It's obvious I was not granted the proper guardian I needed growing up. The plea bargain to the injustice - let me return to the place I've gone to at any given time and formally get my sister the updated medical care she not only deserves but expresses she wants. Casey Anthony can potentially be retried federally. That's the same revisitation my case needs before it's too late. It's not like I'm not trying either. As usual I'm following up on a job lead tomorrow.
 
I'm onto the chair disappearing, loud engine, silent library one. I really am. I'm waiting to die though so couldnt give a shit anymore.
 
June 2nd 2013
If someone is going to do something for me I need you to act quickly. I'm coming to know about California heat and am past the days of sirviving on less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Living as a sleep-deprived zombie is not going to happen bcoz it's happened the past few days. Earlier than expected I'll just go on my final road trip. I expected to last the summer but it's not worth living like this. The person causing me stress is a lot like judge Judy and I really like judge Judy but it is appropriate for a Court room and not learning daily things. I'm not guilty of what I dont know and I had no idea the majority of her friends are acquaintances. She never told me who she trusts most or not - there's been an assumption I guess that I would figure it out - NOT AT ALL. so it turns out I let out some info about me that includes her but turns out it went to a person considered more an acquaintance. It's not my fault but the consequences are STRESS. I only call people "friends" those that I share my life with. That's one thing how I was so confused when I got to college and would hear people refer to someone they just met as a friend. My friendship runs deep and personal as do relationships. It's obvious I was not granted the proper guardian I needed growing up. The plea bargain to the injustice - let me return to the place I've gone to at any given time and formally get my sister the updated medical care she not only deserves but expresses she wants. Casey Anthony can potentially be retried federally. That's the same revisitation my case needs before it's too late. It's not like I'm not trying either. As usual I'm following up on a job lead tomorrow.
 
 
May 31st 2013 
No new friend requests...until the next successful friend bomb...assuming something saves the situation by then. will visit the original post to see who I missed. Had to double-medicate for sleep last night. Double the stress.
 
May 30th 2013  
I'm guessing there are people not happy with my updates but must keep some things in mind 1. Incase this protest ends in my death records will be kept of everything 2. Writing on my cheap Mobil phone is NOT easy so not everything is worded as I wish. 3. I finally blew tonight when reality was misrepresented thereby ruining my reputation in an area where I'm obviously the outsider and the unknown. 4. Greg I never told you to pray. If you read the email I sent you, you'll understand that I prefer to keep in touch writing because conversations are not clear on your speaker phone and my cell phone - sounds thru a fishbowl. I have every intention to keep up our possibilities. 5. To top everything off I'm handed dinner after I blow from lies (some potential ones) being told about me where I'm the loser because who knows me here?
 Photo: I'm guessing there are people not happy with my updates but must keep some things in mind 1. Incase this protest ends in my death records will be kept of everything 2. Writing on my cheap Mobil phone is NOT easy so not everything is worded as I wish. 3. I finally blew tonight when reality was misrepresented thereby ruining my reputation in an area where I'm obviously the outsider and the unknown. 4. Greg I never told you to pray. If you read the email I sent you, you'll understand that I prefer to keep in touch writing because conversations are not clear on your speaker phone and my cell phone - sounds thru a fishbowl. I have every intention to keep up our possibilities. 5. To top everything off I'm handed dinner after I blow from lies (some potential ones) being told about me where I'm the loser because who knows me here?
 
And I was handed dinner by the very person misrepresenting that I just blew to. 6. Its very obvious my mother was a wannabe which has nothing whatsoever wrong w/ it, just gave me misguidance for life and that misguidance will not save this life. 7 I need something realistic I can return to.
 
May 28th 2013
Daddy's holding baby in heaven http://youtube.com/watch?v=j0Lcn7IFdAU

and this song totally brings me back to dad's sister's wake as we drove home in the pours of rain from Belle harbor Rockaway and I contemplated in the back of our station wagon with the back seat turned down http://youtube.com/watch?v=FvWnHAhKX6E
 
May 27th 2013 
rudely sneered at this morning as trying to come up with a plan over a situation with time constraints. Then rudely bashed at for coming back later asking if plan will work not having been told a piece of the puzzle earlier which ties in with the plan itself. I totally needed to be taken out of the home during development years to make sense out of life. And what I got was a copycat version of todays rudeness.
 
 Photo: rudely sneered at this morning as trying to come up with a plan over a situation with time constraints. Then rudely bashed at for coming back later asking if plan will work not having been told a piece of the puzzle earlier which ties in with the plan itself. I totally needed to be taken out of the home during development years to make sense out of life. And what I got was a copycat version of todays rudeness.
 
http://investmentwatchblog.com/mount-etna-eruptions.../ this either explains it all or reveals the synchronicity in the universe.
 
got a dirty look from one of her friends this morning who only has the info from yesterday afternoon before Mt Etna was reminded what REALLY happened. the missing piece of info she said she told me. I said "you didnt say those words!" she said "I didnt say that!" where's that diagram where I bang my head again? I'm totally open that her friend was just busy and it wasnt a dirty look. stressed is desserts spelled backwards. Growing up like this was harassment - not funny. Not tough love.
 
 May 26th 2013  
Ran across another person this time that couldnt place where they've heard of mansanto but didnt know what it was. Their relative was exposed to agent orange and kept complaining but was told repeatedly it never existed. Fifety years later received compensation for agent orange exposure. This was a guy thirty years my senior who dropped a hint he's looking for a single gal and out of the blue suggested gastric bypass surgery for weight loss. I let him know the same makers of agent orange are making us fat. Didnt bother telling him I'm taking six Mg (not mcg) of iodine a day. I had to go without for about three months so God knows the weight I put on during that time. There's a knocked off endocrine system for ya.
 
my sister's name was Stephanie and our tragedy happened in 1978. even since I got to Cali no one will hire me. received two rejections over the intetnet from a local casino and none of the employment agencies I registered with are calling me back. I'm limited in jobs I can physically do and (for example) could never do reception in a doctors office due to the constant play of the radio which most medical offices have. I can do a radio playing while I'm talking customer service having dual earphones on. as I get used to jobs I come across as not being ready after college but that's not the case at all. I need to make sure I'm doing the job right and freedom to take longer than the normal person in getting used to new duties. I know a brain injured in syracuse who didnt ask and at the end of the duty it was all wrong. it's criminal what they cut his hours down to never to forgive or give a second chance. other people make mistakes for sure. I'm totally at ease doing research in a law library fourteen hours a day and obviously driving cross continental. someone needs to hire me. I cant do my own business yet I turn out to be some employers most reliable employee. btw my mother pays for the phone but has been incoherent when accepting this is my end unless she does something starting with admitting mistakes. there's probably more details I'm not able to share right now. thanks for sharing your story. I've been involved in the injury group that meets in east syracuse as well as the stroke survivors group.
 
and I dont mean to sound cold but my friends who have known about this since I left in September 2012 have had 8 months to investigate, protest, whatever it takes but I guess starting with a select few I'm tempted to name, didnt see this as a worthy enough cause. but then again like my fellow disabled I quoted it tragically doesnt have the momentum like aids-gay community.
 
 May 25th 2013 
Got strange pain today in upper stomach area. Same thing happened last time I did a four loko marathon. Never happened with Tilt. I think they're lying they changed the formula when took it off the shelves. All I can say is DO NOT RESUSCITATE if I'm on my way back to the universe.
 
damn right about mainstream media re: monsanto protest. Five people I came in contact with today said "what's that?" I thought maybe when I did petitioning against hydrofracking no one hearing of it was an isolated event (to a degree)  
 
and another in addition to the gastric bypass suggester from this morning. this is why someone should be employing me to get the job done like I did with hydrofracking.
 
and another in addition to the gastric bypass suggester from this morning. this is why someone should be employing me to get the job done like I did with hydrofracking.
 
 May 24th 2013  
I have a real sour outlook on some of my shallow occupiers who have shown me their ugly colors and here's another disabled person who proves I aint crazy in my perceptions: "... how can disabled people mount an effective protest when many of us are lying in bed unable to even sit up and use a laptop? Sometimes I can write a blog post but often even that is beyond me. I can usually manage to read, sign and share a petition if it's brief but with the proliferation of internet petitions, who really listens? The AIDS community had the energy of gay rights activism to rally for their cause but few disabled have that sort of mobilization power and getting non-disabled people to care seems impossible, except of course those who are our care-givers - they care but have their hands full and desperately need help..."
 
especially the part about the non-disabled.
 
 Photo: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7R3GtAnO66o
 
 Denny's
 
May 22nd 2013
I just wasted a whole lot of time trying to upload a recording from my phone. I dont have the equipment I need to buy to upload videos. Apparently it's the same with audio.
 
anyway it's the recording of my mother thanking me for the mothers day card, hoping everything is ok with me (which screams out she did her job even though I slept for a month after a rendezvous with a Mac truck and have no developmental issues ) and I can come home any time I want - just let her know I'm coming (which is the evidence I need that she lied to the Court and her own lawyer in making out that I've been uninvolved in her household for over ten years). the Italian mama I'm hanging with distorts the truth all the time which is the same pattern of the Italian mama I got burned by long ago - as if it's an accepted social norm. Yesterday she called a third party to verify she was wrong. unfortunately my mother is not that cut and dry.
 
another train wreck today but not so bad in that I'm not all alone with it in my head. had a conversation with an 18 year old whose parents are a few years younger than me. I have friends that are completely ok with not having kids bcoz the opportunity never came along. not me. it's like my motherly instinct had to be stifled along with so many other things. as we listened to a man describe how he sat down with his college graduate daughter to help her with letter and resume writing and she had a job within two Weeks going on cover interviews, that it's the type of dad guidance I missed out on.
 
 May 21st 2013
 Photo
 
Maybe I should explain. When you're given the look of death at any given time completely stressed out but the look has to do with making sure your welfare is taken care of - Italian mama ways curdling my Irish blood? After getting this look of death for 2 Weeks I'm told stay or go, either, I have a mind of my own. The latter I already knew. Then the directions change again. This was all over eating a meal. I have a sense of decency that I cant keep freeloading off someone regardless of my situation. At the same time trying to give them the company during a meal they want. This morning I simply walked away.
 
I reverted back to my old way of communicating openly and it worked.
 
I also really dont want to die but will if it comes down to it. this situation is helping me stay alive longer but not providing the life I need to sustain.I really don't want to die.
 
May 20th 2013
This deserves to be on both my child left behind page and this page since it's exactly some of the words I've said. http://www.ted.com/talks/aditi_shankardass_a_second_opinion_on_learning_disorders.html
 
 and thank you to all who have accepted my invite to my page. It means a lot to me.
 
 So let me guess. According to The Way International God knew all these people wouldn't believe so God allowed them to die.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/400148
 
I dont need to guess. I know this is exactly what Claire has taught me. of course she could always go back on her word and lie like she did in Court that the Way never broke up. I know her beliefs on that too. That lying is not best but it's not an irreversible sin.
 

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