Thursday, April 17, 2014

December 7th 2013
Bush and laura are on Leno tonight.
December 6, 2013
Only reason I got out of bed today was when mom got home and I called the lawyer on speaker phone in her presence to ask the question mom won't or is not capable of asking. Mom is really struggling doing things on her own. Claire has witnessed how loud and screamy we all are. She's now a hypocrite to keep up her charade about me hiding behind her husband's orders who has never witnessed in Christine what Claire has. Came up with example why this needs to be formalized after needing to drive mom the other day: since I was a child my mother is not a backseat driver but a backseat nervous breakdown. Mom now drives twenty miles an hour under the speedlimit highway driving and there have been many situations that people beep at her when she's unsure what way to go (but you can't just hold up traffic like that!). Reassuring her I drove across country w/o incident doesn't work. (It seems to me the real problem is an undiagnosed socio-perceptual thing but not necessarily from brain injury). Anyway say I take care of Christine informally and an accident happens on the road-not necessarily my fault. In her loose cannon ways mom can just pull the plug on the whole thing and say she'll do it and there will be people like a judge and attorneys who will believe her and she won't do it but keep telling people she will - similar to what the mediator witnessed.

mom's doing something the medical professional is telling her she's not ready for yet. the only reason she is doing so is because she doesn't have anyone here to do things for her. STRESS 
chinese food leftovers and 80 proof Vodka w cranberry juice. Claire called to know of mom's new medical condition aloof from how badly she needs physical help with everyday things. Christine fell the other morning at 5am. I'm the one who showed them how to make a non-emergency police call since mom doesn't want ambulance,etc here. as matter of fact i had to call them non-emergency when mom fell here in 2009. this time mom didn't want to call at 5am so even though Christine's hip hurt she had to roll up onto her knees as per directed by mom and i had to pull her up the best i could on her right side. her arm was tremoring very badly. watching "lily rush" work on a homicide investigation 27 years old in 2003. my case is 35 years old.
just gave an update to Christine on today's events. mom chimed in that i never made a new appt to compensate for the medical unacted upon medical plan that's outdated. the incompetent guardian needs the slap across the face of her life for the shit she's pulling. really good indication why i have no patience for loose cannon immigrants who think they can act like they know how to take care of medically needy children in the usa - take your kids and get the fuck out already!
walked back out to get my toast and the harassment began as well as the ruffling of my feathers. big blowout occurred with Christine having no idea of mom's broken promises 4 years ago and mom saying again she'll do it now. SHE'S NOT ABLE TO DO IT ANYMORE ANDin her twisted beliefsays i dont need this to be formalized. if all else doesn't work i assume this incompetent guardian doesn't know about water intoxication. I'm not NOT going to tell Christine what's going on. She has every right to know life outside the puppet my mother uses her as.
walked out this morning and Christine said good morning as usual. felt compelled to walk back out not only for a drink but so mom has clarification. referring to the calls this week it was not my job to call for an appt for Christine. it was to find sick of this incompetence .... she
it was to find out information only. same as her. but she has no problem letting this go on forever. feathers had no need to be ruffled. it's just mom acting different in front of Christine because mom used guilt and authority the whole time to drill into Christine i'm a problem. i come from the perspective of involving Christine. 4 years ago when the court appointed attorney was here she asked Christine if she wanted to get better and Christine looked at mom as to what to say and said "no" which is completely contradictory to how this house has lived for the past 35 years. meanwhile in the past week the mediator asked Christine and Christine did the usual of look at mom to know what to say but this time mom didn't look at Christine from what i remember and said "yes." on mon i'm going to call back when the lawyer is there and get more clarification on things...that's all i can get out at this time about children whose welfare has been left to this negligence other than Christine doesn't remember the medical eval doctor from 4 years ago because she only met him once so i assume the court appointed attorney sees her periodically because supposedly Christine remembers her. mom's out doing things she's not supposed to instead of adding me as a medical guardian.
December 4, 2013
Feeling very tired but so alone. Don't want to stay here. Not sure what I should do. I need so much help i'm in over my head. Help! Mind racing. Help! If no help there's always the final solution. I'm away from harassment and insanity but don't have what I need to keep my life together
i didnt stay and was that a good decision? well when you're 25 and learn about your impaired decision making due to serious brain damage sustained in a car accident 19 years earlier your life becomes a downward spiral especially when you lack family support in all the needed areas

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