Wednesday, April 16, 2014

March 31st 2014 So today mom did the usual same as the last 30+ yrs of us having done something wrong when really it's what we need to do to compensate for our injuries. In this case it was sliding a little table to proximity rather than pick it up but mom recently realized something is putting scratches on her hardwood floors - the same ones installed by her illegal immigrant nephew who went back to Europe. I said to her "then you need to get a more handicapped accessible house." Her response was a sarcastic "yeah right." There's lots of obvious signs this woman has ruined our potential in life by not dealing with this and there are people with blood on their hands. Mark my words. Of all the stress this woman did in destroying our salvaged futures she then stands next to her lawyer claiming the stress I'm causing only to turn around after the fact and say that was never the case. Cheers.

for example tonight christine did her best after being done in the shower but then needed mom's help and is greeted by mom's current stress that it's too hard for her to help with her current hand problems. Claire wasn't court-ordered out of this house for arbitrary reasons and me and Christine had every right to live our medical lives in peace. someone fix this. or not.

there she goes again about table sliding on her hardwood floors killing christine's sanity slowly. Why doesn't she get some handicapped accessible tables? We don't deserve this harassment.

March 30th 2014   And now I have drunk myself back to sleep for there are days I just can't handle the apathy around me. Zzzzzzzzz

Finally able to see this movie (Under Our Skin). Sounds ALOT LIKE what brain injury recipients have gone thru. My heart goes out to brain injury recipients who buy into psychiatric medication/dual diagnosis just for treatment. Keep in mind the Omnibus Act of Insurance and banking of the 1920s.

March 28th 2014 My days tend to revolve around being here for the Ellen Degenerous show - going out either before or after. That all changed yesterday when Christine came home and said she was taking a nape. 45 minutes later I told mom i'm waking her up in 1/2 hr before I leave and give her what she needs to make sure she doesn't fall again. Instead of safety concern at this point mom is defensive declaring "she's not going to fall!" My response was "how do you know? Did you know that the other day when she woke up and fell?" Silence. Mom wound up waking her in 20 minutes instead so I missed a minute or 2 of Ellen and gave her what she needed,helped a bit, and mom took over. These are the dangers Christine is in while no one is overseeing this situation. Someone should do something about my involvement. (Or not).

March 27th 2014
been there. done that. i was admitted based solely on interaction with police while forcibly heavy drugged and unable to defend myself which is a weak point even if i were not drugged
March 26th 2014 Talking to her sister in NYC mom just referred to Christine as "a pain in the ass" needing her help so mom had to get off of the phone. After mom sat back down again Christine had to ask for more help and then threw a cussing temper tantrum. This is the stress we deserved to not grow up in JUDGE DEANNE WILSON, CHRISTINE ACCARDI -MIRDA ESQ, AND STEVEN STRAUB ESQ FROM NORRIE AND ASSOCIATES ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
Another day of Drinking myself back to sleep while incompetence looms over my life. Mom finished with all leg and back therapy. Hear her still comparing herself to other people. Watching 1965 version last of the mohicans. It looks like not only was true native life sourly depicted but it looks like white men were used to play the part of natives. Saw thunderheart yesterday which accurately depicted the asshole white man really is followed by uptown girl which I didn't know starred brittany murphy and described mom in a nutshell before this guardianship: " you give her what she wants so you don't have to deal with her." The only thing to do today is bring home dinner from the store I will do shopping in. Only doing alfalfa sprouts to help lose weight. Not live longer. Cheers. $ave me. (Or not).
March 25th 2014 Smh. Sometimes I'm amazed at how I survived the attitudes I grew up in - especially those of women. Also glad I went out there before I die that I've had the opportunity to embrace other cultures even if some of them were as unwelcoming and open-mindedly deficient as what I grew up around. Even if leaving was a dangerous stunt for me medically. Even though it's been a very lonely road. Now i just need someone to save me (or not) coz i'm too old and exhausted to do it by myself - only this time with appropriate brain injury help. That phone exchange at the end of Pinky Floyd's Young Lust is exactly what I dealt with before never calling home again from the Children's Hospital. The collect calls were bonefidely getting too expensive and it's not like we had text messaging and mom had told me to stop calling so much. Had only everything been handled better...hmmm 
After last night mom is making a stink about the garbage being heavier with me here and I need to tie it up and bring it downstairs. Riiiiiggghhtt just like the dishwasher gets used more often with me here even though I go weeks using and re-using one plate, one mug, one glass, one bowl (Sometimes), and a certain accumulation of silver wear.
March 24th 2014 Mom is at the point where she "just doesn't give a damn" and "she should leave the country". In other words ( OH AND I FORGOT THE WORD STUPID AND STUPIDITY KEEPS COMING OUT OF HER MOUTH) mom is talking to her NYC sister who is telling her what's on facebook and the evidence is so clear this childishness is responsible for my death and the incompetence no one saved me from. If mom doesn't give a damn anymore then six feet under is where I belong because if no one else is there to take care of me,protect me, I have nothing left and I can't live with watching the negligence of Christine. And what is it mom doesn't give a damn about anymore? Nm...going on about all this only feeds into the inappropriate childishness that crashed this life. Her sister was abusive to me when here convinced I don't have a brain injury while mom was sticking up for herself saying how irresponsible I was declining going to a neuro person when I was fifeteen not being honest with her sister that I DO Have a brain injury...four loko is behind me time for Vodka.  
So the name Jerome C. Higgins. Wonder what that's going to do for mom. bring back memories of when I told her to just go ASK a lawyer before he lived in her house rent free for a year or more and then left on his own accord without ever paying any rent and mom never saw that money? All she did was go on and on and on and on about the Higgins guy who did this and who did she ask for guidance??? none other than her uneducated sister who still lived in NYC telling mom that there's all kinds of laws protecting tenants in the city. I kept saying "but he has to pay rent." She wouldn't even ASK. I was IGNORED and me and Christine put through her loose cannon stress for SO LONG. And then in the present this turns out this way. The bitch can fucking die. But guess who's preparing to die instead??? Yours truly. In 2004 all this came to light again around twenty years later when a friend I knew had parents that owned real estate in nyc and had a tenant who didn't pay rent and that's the one thing a tenant does not fuck around with. The LANDLORD wins and my friend's father of course won in court. Mom's tenant in Ireland started doing this lately. I wonder if the issue will be resolved. Actually I heard her whispering this in the phone to one of her sisters so she doesn't know I know this is happening all over again and she's not telling me a thing about it. Gee I wonder why.
So i can't wait to go home and numb myself to sleep for the rest of the day. Right before I left mom was speaking out loud trying to remember the name of the type of mattress she got. I said "If it's the one I heard you threatening a lawyer over you're on your own. To threaten a lawyer over a mattress and do what you did to your child is the ultimate stupidity." (paraphrase) Oh little miss uneducated immigrant who instead of helping her educated disabled child (who lent on her for guidance greatly for life after being discharged from a children's hospital) get legal help all these years only laughed at them when trying to do so, in the end wins out with a lawyer who told lies and half truths *SMACK* GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY MORON. It would be doable if there weren't legal and medical issues involved but every time you have been shown you just ... *off goes the sound of a gun to the temple of a human head*
I'm posting the latest before mom goes and tells a shit load of lies again. Without me here mom wouldn't have known how to turn off the push button rental car. Out of desperation she would have figured out to call the rental place from her one-bar-of-power left cells phone and they would have told her she left the keys at the rental place and can bring them to her. Instead I was just about to go in the shower when her house phone range and I figured I better look in case it's an emergency. It was the rental place to tell me she left the keys there and I gave them her cell number and offered to call her first which made them happy coz that way she'd recognize the number. Called three times and no answer which is understandable if she's driving. See her pull in driveway and rush down painfully to tell her. She says she doesn't know how to turn it off. I go back up, call them. They tell me how to turn it off and someone will be right here with the keys. I go all the way back down and tell her what to do and she says ok dismissing me becoz she gets it.( I know better than to believe that hook line and sinker). Car is off and I tell her I'm going in shower. Go all the way back up but then go half way back down again to open the front door and give her the option of coming in that way coz it's really cold out today. She says no she's going to stay down there with the garage door open (wonder woman overestimating again). As I walk after being done in the shower the front doorbell rings. I yell down to mom who yells back she'll get it from there and I hear the garage door open and look down the stairs to see the person look toward the garage. When it came to Christine falling the other day I helped pull her back up onto the bed so she could get up from there. They relayed how she got up from a fall the last time which is NOT the rendition I know so there's an indication Christine fell even more times when I have not been in the house. That is something mom is not going to admit to and something not only is Christine not able to readily verbalize but has scared Christine into not talking about when i'm around. All these details are left here as a testimony for when i'm gone with Christine's life thrown away to people unfamiliar with her and steered by The Way International - the "religion" started by an Illuminati-laced Princeton doctorate. When I first told mom how to turn the car off she was in a light-hearted laughter mood (over newer technology). She could see I wasn't returning the mood. Get a medical and legal clue bitch or go back to where you fucking came from!!!! 
March 23rd 2014 Christine fell again. This time getting her clothes after waking from a nap. I asked her if her leg went out from under her again. She said she lost her balance. With all the fuss i'm making about getting her to a doctor over her leg and fighting she may never admit to her leg problem again. That's what life has turned out around here. It's harder and harder for her to get up from falls because of knee or hip pain.

since i bought vegetarian beans lately i helped with dinner. Claire called admist and mom said to her "i was just thinking about you." gee i wonder what she was thinking about. 'maybe now is a time to be honest with claire?' hmmm she said something to Claire that they have to do something and complained as to "why they're doing this?" Wonder what that's about.

it's going to be a long night. i'm out of sleep med.


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